1 Subtitling Community: Translating and Subtitling NBC’s Community Remco Parlevliet 3668711 Linnaeusstraat 28bis 3553 CE Utrecht 9 December 2013 BA Thesis First Supervisor: Dr. O.R. Kosters Second Supervisor: Dr. R.G.J.L. Supheert 2 Contents 1. Introduction……………………………………………………………………………3 2. Theoretical Framework 2.1 Different Forms of AVT 2.1.1 Interlingual Subtitles....................................................................................5 2.1.2 Dubbing........................................................................................................7 2.1.3 Voice-over....................................................................................................7 2.1.4 Simultaneous Interpreting............................................................................8 2.2 Development in Subtitling Techniques 2.2.1 Dialogue Techniques....................................................................................8 2.2.2 Number of Lines..........................................................................................9 2.2.3 Other Innovations.......................................................................................10 2.3 Humour...................................................................................................................11 2.3.1 Post-racial...................................................................................................12 2.4 Textual Analysis.....................................................................................................14 2.4.1 Lasswell-Formula.......................................................................................15 2.5 Character Analysis.................................................................................................17 2.6 Translation Problems 2.6.1 Socio-cultural Problems.............................................................................23 3. Conclusion....................................................................................................................28 4. Annotated Translation of Episode 1 of Community.....................................................29 5. Annotated Translation of Episode 2 of Community.....................................................50 6. Works Cited.................................................................................................................64 7. Transcript of Episode 1 of Community........................................................................66 8. Transcript of Episode 2 of Community........................................................................79 3 1. Introduction Nowadays, subtitles are omnipresent on television. It is one of the few forms of translated text viewers come across daily. In fact, Dutch viewers spend about five to six hours per week reading subtitles (Koolstra, Peeters, and Spinhof 340). They are often the only way for some people to be able to follow a storyline or interpret a news item and are therefore vital in modern day television. Since the invention of the computer, technological advancements have made the lives of translators easier. However, devices such as Google Translate do not give a satisfactory solution to all translation problems. Certain fields of translation still need human intervention. One of those fields is humour. For instance, computers have not been programmed yet to translate sarcastic or ironic humour. However, there are guidelines and conventions about how to translate humour, which will be discussed in this thesis. There are multiple elements that a subtitler should keep in mind. For instance, a subtitle should follow the content and rhythm of the spoken text and the viewer should preferably only have to read the subtitle once to understand what it reads (Hoek &Sonépouse). One of the nuisances in subtitles of comedy series in particular, is that the punch line is often already to be read in the subtitles before the actor actually says the words. This can take away a great part of the enjoyment of a series. This particular element bothers many viewers, and it has been the main trigger to write this thesis about subtitling a comedy series. Both the challenges on the socio-cultural level of translation as well as the unique meta-humour in Community made it appealing to choose this particular series as a subject. In this thesis, I will start off with a theoretical framework, including a description of the different types of AVT, the development of subtitling techniques, the role of humour in subtitling, both a textual and character analysis and an insight in the translation problems 4 encountered during the translation process. A brief conclusion is given, followed by the subtitles of both the translated episodes of Community, fully annotated and including transcripts. 5 2.1 Different Forms of AVT Subtitling is the most common form of Audio Visual Translation, or AVT, nowadays, but there are multiple other forms of AVT too. These forms can be divided into two categories: dominant forms and challenging forms (Remael). The dominant types are the wellestablished forms of AVT, such as subtitles, whereas the challenging ones are still in the developing stages. One of the challenging forms is subtitling for the hearing impaired. This is also called intralingual subtitling, because the subtitles are in the source language. Since this thesis will focus on interlingual subtitling, where spoken sourcetext is translated into written targettext, I will give a brief description of the dominant types of AVT. There are four types of dominant forms of AVT according to Gambier (2003: 172-177): - (Interlingual) subtitles - Dubbing - Voice-over - Simultaneous interpreting 2.1.1 Interlingual Subtitles An interlingual subtitle “can be defined as the translation of the spoken (or written) source text of an audio visual product into a written target text which is added onto the images of the original product, usually at the bottom of the screen” (Karamitroglou 5). This is the most common form of subtitling, especially in the Netherlands. According to Hoek & Sonépouse, this form of translation has its own conventions. For instance, one of their conventions is that no exclamation marks should be used throughout a subtitle and that censored words in the 6 series should be represented by writing three consecutive dots to represent the beep heard on screen (Hoek & Sonépouse). Subtitling is different from the other forms of AVT, because it presents both the source- and targettext simultaneously. This makes the subtitler somewhat vulnerable, because viewers who have a decent understanding of both languages presented, can criticise the subtitle more easily. 2.1.2 Dubbing The method of translation where the original dialogues of the actors are being replaced by new dialogues in the target text is called dubbing. This form of AVT does not only require a team of translators, but also a studio to record the new audio files, voice actors and a director. One of the main differences with the interlingual subtitles is that colloquial language does not have to be translated to written language, as the spoken text will not appear in written form. Accents and dialects are often also translated. Probably the most recognisable difficulty of dubbing is matching the rhythm of the actor’s lips in the source text with the spoken words of the voice actor. This phenomenon is known as lip synchronisation or lip sync. The amount of discomfort it causes to the viewer depends on the angle of the camera while the actor is speaking and also on the importance the viewer himself attaches to it. Other elements of importance are the voice of the voice actor and that the dubbed text match the body language of the screen actors. There are generally two phases to this form of translation. Firstly, a literal translation is made by translator. This translation pays no attention to the visual aspect of this form of AVT, but merely translates the source text into the target text. Secondly, a dialogue is written 7 based on the first translation, but this time the focus lies on synchronising the visual aspects of the translation, such as the aforementioned lip synchronisation (Whitman-Linsen). 2.1.3 Voice-over This form of AVT is most often used to translate interviews or documentaries, but in some countries it is used as a cheaper substitute for dubbing in cinemas (Gottlieb). Countries with a low literacy rate also tend to opt for a voice-over translation rather than for interlingual subtitles (Bassey). This form is characterised by the suppression of the speaker of the source language, which is replaced by a speaker of the target language who gives a simultaneous translation. The term has a different meaning in both film studies and in the context of AVT. In film studies, the term represents the way directors commentate a movie. This is often a feature found in the section of extras on a DVD. The movie is playing in the background while they give insight into their work- and thought process (Ramael). In AVT, the word over tells that the voice speaking in the target language is replacing, or put over, the original speaker (Ramael). 2.1.4 Simultaneous Interpreting The difference between simultaneous interpreting and a voice-over is that with the former form there is no other speaking voice present. A voice interprets the images shown and comments on the meaning of those images and there is no other voice to be overruled, as is the case with a voice-over. 8 2.2 Development in Subtitling Techniques In recent years, there have been a number of technological changes in the field of subtitling. For instance, there is numerous software to be found to make subtitling easier and more effective. Programs such as Polyscript and Spot Software are designed to help the subtitler see how long a line in a subtitle should be and for how long the character is talking. Technical progression aside, there has also been a shift in techniques. In the early days of subtitling, a subtitle always consisted of two lines and strict regulations were not yet applied. Nowadays, each company has its own way of constructing a subtitle. According to Díaz Cintas and Remael, a subtitle should also not be longer than two sentences with the character limit of 39 per line and 78 in total. Sometimes, subtitles exceed this limit by one or two characters per line, but this is the general guideline. There have been a number of new conventions over the last years, which are shown below. 2.2.1 Dialogue Techniques When two characters or people are speaking, “one of the most deeply entrenched subtitling conventions has been to show each of the enunciates on a separate line” (Diaz). The first speaker will be on the top line and the translated text of the second reader will appear on the bottom line, preceded by a dash: This is the first speaker. -This is the second speaker. 9 However, some subtitlers have made a shift to another way of using the space provided by the subtitles, because they reckon the main purpose of a subtitle is to provide as much information as possible to the reader (Diaz). Therefore, if the first speaker utters only a few words and the second speaker has significantly more to say, some subtitlers opt to insert the dash in the first line to ensure that the second speaker is fully understood, as shown in this illustration: 2.2.2 Number of Lines The number of lines has always been a thorn in the side of many producers and directors, since the subtitles are seen as “a necessary evil that we have to cope with in order to gain access to programs in other languages” (Diaz). They reckon that the subtitles pollute their work of art. This is the most important reason conventions in most European countries dictate that the maximum number of lines in a subtitle should be two. However, there are countries in which a higher number of lines is common. In Turkey, for example, three lines of subtitles 10 is fairly common (Diaz). In some other countries, there is the need of bilingual translation. In Belgium, two lines in both Flemish and French can add up to a total of four lines of subtitling. 2.2.3 Other Innovations In some countries, different colours are used for each speaker in subtitles. “Yellow is the main color for the translation of dialog. It is the only color used when the subtitle, be it a one-liner or a two-liner, renders the translation of one actor’s speech. When the subtitle incorporates two speakers, the first line is always in yellow, whereas the character in the second line appears in some films in green and in some other films in cyan or blue” (Diaz). Cumulative subtitles also exist. This entails that the line of the second speaker only appears when the second speaker actually starts talking. However, when the second speaker is done talking, both lines disappear at the same time (Diaz). This is great tool in subtitling comedy, because it allows the subtitler to make the punch line to a joke appear on screen at the exact same time as the character utters the words. 11 2.3 Humour Jokes and puns, and humour in general, can be hard to translate because of the semantical and culture-specific differences between the source text and the target text. A reference to Condoleezza Rice in a Dutch television series might not make as much sense to the Dutch audience as it would have made to an American audience for instance. Another problem in translating a comedy series without canned laughter, like Community, is that the translator has to recognise the moments where the lines are meant to be funny. There is no cue, such as the aforementioned canned laughter, which signals the ending of a joke or pun. The characters do sometimes laugh about a joke, but the jokes are generally sarcastic in tone. This causes some challenges for the translator, as some phrases or jokes are sarcastic or ironic and the other characters are most likely not responding to them, even though the jokes can be hilarious for the viewer. This problem can also be turned into an advantage for the translator; he can decide if a joke is funny enough to be translated and if it has any importance to the story. Cintas and Remael refer to Zabalbeascoa’s approach to humour in audio-visual texts: “[Zabalbeascoa] distinguishes three planes on which translation priorities should be set. First, there is a vertical scale of importance: a particular instance can have top priority, very low priority or anything in between. Second, there is a horizontal scale that indicates whether humour is a priority on a global level (for the whole text) or a rhetorical device used locally (in a particular exchange). Third, there is a scale of equivalence-non-equivalence, which dictates whether there is a priority for the translation to be equivalent to the source text in certain respects and to a certain extent, or not. Is a faithful translation required or should the joke be replaced by a different one?” 12 In other words, is the reference to Condoleezza Rice of any importance to the story? Can the joke be left out? Or can the reference be adapted to the target audience and refer to Mark Rutte instead? These questions reoccur during the translation process and are an important part of translating comedy. Several of these examples will be discussed in the section Translation Problems. 2.3.1 Post-racial The writer of Community, Dan Harmon, himself calls the humour in Community post-racial (Writing in Color). This entails that, whenever one of the characters makes a racist remark, the other characters are there to correct him or her. Abed, Troy and Shirley are the nonCaucasian cast members and it seems that Harmon has created the character Pierce Hawthorne to act as a scapegoat. Pierce is the only apparent racist in the study group, although he does not seem to be aware of his comments being racist. The viewer accepts his role, because he is old and does not fit in with the other group members. By creating the character of Pierce, Harmon clearly shows that he is aware of the conflicts race can cause, but chose Pierce to embody the whole controversy of this matter inside one person. He also talks about the trend among writers of comedy series to create a race neutral cast. This means that certain clichés in comedy, such as the dumb white jock or the smart Asian characters, are avoided to prevent any accusations of racism. In Community, these clichés seem to reappear, but they do so with a slight twist. Troy plays a dumb jock in the first two episodes. Generally, these parts are played by Caucasian males with broad shoulders. Troy does have an athletic body, but is of African-American descent. Further on in the series, this stereotype slowly vanishes, as Abed and Troybecome closers friends. Another stereotype is the role of Britta, who is seemingly a classic dumb blonde girl. 13 However, when asked in an interview if Harmon regrets Britta’s intellectual regression, he answers that due to the composition of the study group, she seems dumb due to her lack of knowledge in certain areas in which the other characters excel. Her oblivious responses are not the result of a low IQ, but because “she's pop culturally and technologically illiterate” (Examiner). The awareness of stereotypes by the writers is also apparent from the opening scene of the first episode. As the dean is telling the first year students about what they have heard about the “loser college” he calls it himself, he starts summing up several stereotypes of students who would attend such a school while the camera shifts between the various main characters. This shows that Dan Harmon is aware of the stereotypical tendencies most writers of comedy series have, but also tries to create the feeling of meeting the characters for the first time. When one joins a study group in real life, one may also have assumptions beforehand or have its own stereotypes. However, later on in the series we learn that these stereotypes are rarely accurate. 14 2.4 Textual analysis According to Hans G. Hönig, making a textual analysis is a pivotal part of the translation process. The aim of such an analysis is to enhance the translation abilities of an individual (Hönig). The analysis is covered by the answers to Hönig’s three questions which help a translator determine the meaning and purpose of a text. 1. Who is speaking where – and why him/her? 2. What is the text about and why has it been written in this way? 3. What elements need to be translated? Who is speaking where – and why him/her? The purpose of this question is to determine whether the speaker is a moralist or an expert in his or her field (Hönig). What kind of authority does the speaker have and what does he have to say? In this case, it is important to take a brief look at the person responsible for the creation of Community, Dan Harmon. Dan Harmonis an American executive producer who started as a stand-up comedian. In 2009, NBC picked the pilot of Community to be madeinto a series. Harman said in an interview that he based the scenario of the series on his own experience in college when he was asked to join a study group with people he did not know and, as he admits, never would have been friends with if he had not agreed to join the study group (Dan Harman Interview). The closest resemblance Harmon has to any of the characters on his show is to Jeff, although their motivation is the only thing they seem to have in common. One could therefore argue that Jeff Winger is speaking for Dan Harmon, as he is the expert at this scenario in this case. 15 What is the text about and why has it been written in this way? Dan Harmon has experienced the situation of being in a study group and the morale of the source text is that friendships that can blossom from collaboration between students who have never met before. Since Harmon is a comedian, the text has been written to entertain. What elements need to be translated? Some of the elements that need to be translated are humour, culture-specific elements and colloquialisms. It is also very important to make sure that the reader can easily comprehend and follow the storyline. The show is also unlike many other sitcoms that are on television nowadays, because there is no canned laughter or applause to be heard throughout. The absence of these elements indicates that the script has not been written with a jokes-perminute mind-set, but that the characters actually just talk to each other from time to time and that not everything is meant to be funny. This makes the characters appearmore natural and realistic in their environment to the viewer. 2.4.1 Lasswell-Formula Another way to analyse a text, is to use the Lasswell-formula by Christiane Nord: “Wie schrijft met welk doel aan wie door middel van welk medium waar wanneer waarom een tekst met welke functie? Waarover zegt hij wat (en wat niet) in welke volgorde, met gebruikmaking van welke non-verbale elementen, met wat voor woorden, in wat voor zinnen op welke toon met welk effect?” (Nord, 146) 16 “Who says what to whom with what incentive with what medium, when where and why with what function. What is he saying (or not saying) in what order, with what non-verbal means, with what words, with what sorts of sentences, what tone and with what effect?” (My translation) This formula is another tool to help a translator understand a text better. When needed, the answer to this question is a text analysis by itself. Therefore, it is important to keep this formula in mind for whenever it is needed. These textual analysis strategies by Nord and Hönig are the only theories which focus on the importance of source text analysis to determine the function of the target text (Nord, 146). This is why I mentioned them both, even though I used the textual analysis strategy by Hönig after comparing the two. This is because Hönig makes a clearer distinction between the several categories of the translation process, whereas Nord has tried to summarise all the stages within one question, which is more difficult to work with. 17 2.5 Character Analysis Character analysis is an important aspect of subtitling. Different characters may have specific idiolects or speech disorders. These characteristics are often caricatured in the first few episodes, to clearly distinguish each character for the viewer. It is important for an actor to stay in character, so that he does not cause confusion among the audience. For the same reason, the translator should develop his own idiolect for each character in the series, to give the viewer a sense of continuity and familiarity. In order to understand more of this series, you need to get to know the characters of the show. The pilot episode of any show is always the one where the screenwriters and the director try to distinguish the different characters and really give each individual their own unique voice. The main characters of the show will be introduced. The members of the study-group that Jeff starts in the first episode are the protagonists throughout the whole series , especially in the very beginning of the show. The study-group consists of Jeff, Britta, Abed, Troy, Annie, Shirley and Pierce. Many other characters appear, but only three of them speak in the first two episodes. These three people are Dean Craig Pelton, Professor Ian Duncan and Señor Chang. 18 Main characters: Jeff Winger The leader of the pack. He is the protagonist of the show and leader of the study group. He is almost always sarcastic and is constantly trying to keep up his laidback and carefree appearance, for instance by constantly pretending to be texting. Especially in the first season, Jeff frequently takes the opportunity to show his fellow classmates his skills as a public speaker by giving elaborate speeches on the subject of the occasional argument. He acquired those skills by being a lawyer. However, the state bar found out that he had been faking his qualifications and he therefore has to return to college to get his degree. Jeff thinks he is better than everybody else at the school and will seize every opportunity to show this by making sarcastic comments or making sure everyone understands how cool he thinks he is. Britta Perry A chaotic anarchist who dropped out of high school because she thought this would “somehow impress Radiohead.” She is known within the group as a charming buzzkill, but initially pretends to be a know-it-all who is too cool for school. Jeff makes up being a boardcertified tutor who runs a study group in order to get closer to Britta. Abed Nadir An autistic reference-machine. He is socially awkward, but highly intelligent. That is why the group members suspect he has Asperger’s syndrome. Jeff is the first to mention Abed’s 19 probable condition in the first episode. Abed is constantly comparing real life situations to scenes of television programmes. Because of his quirkiness and his social flaws, he is likable for both the study-group members and the viewers of the series. Troy Barnes Abed’s best friend. He is a former high school prom king and football player who has to get used to the fact that he is not all that anymore on his new school. He faked an injury to stop playing football because he could not handle the pressure. Later on the series, he and Abed become very close friends and develop their own language and very specific humour. Annie Edison The cute overachiever. She ended up in Greendale because of the short, but fierce addiction to Adderall she developed in the final stages of her high school career. Adderall is a drug that sharpens your concentration, but Annie took too much and failed her exams. She is the youngest of the group and is very focussed on getting the highest marks and making up for her mistakes made earlier in her school career. Later on in the series, however, she becomes so attached to the group that she is willing to fluke Spanish, and make everybody also fail their tests, in order to keep the study group together. Shirley Bennett The motherly figure of the group. She is the oldest woman of the group. Being a divorced mother of two, she frequently feels the need to appeal to the group’s sense of guilt. She is a 20 devout Christian and a brownie fanatic. Sometimes she bursts into rage, but most of the time, she meets almost every event with the response “That’s nice!”. Pierce Hawthorne The old scapegoat. Pierce enrolled in Greendale because he was bored. He is a wealthy man who lives alone in a mansion. Most of the time, Pierce has not got the slightest idea was is going on and is oblivious to the fact that he comes across as an extreme racist and sexist. He attempts to fit in, but in reality, he is just the scapegoat of the group. Minor Characters Professor Ian Duncan British professor. He and Jeff are acquaintances. Jeff defended him in court a while ago and now they meet again. Ian is somewhat of a loser, as he constantly tries to blackmail students, Jeff in particular, but fails miserably every time. He plays a very minor role in the series apart from the first episode. Ben Chang The idiotic Spanish teacher. Ben Chang is a crazy, psychotic teacher who wants to become a member of the group after the board finds out that he has been faking his qualifications as a teacher. However, in the first three episodes of the series, he is simply the weird Spanish teacher. 21 Craig Pelton The omnipresent dean. In the first two episodes, he is only visible in the first and audible in the second episode. Later on in the series, he makes more frequent entrances, but for this thesis, he does not play a role of importance. 2.5.1 Characteristics All these characters have their own idiolect and are therefore very distinct voices throughout the series. However, they do not really have their own slang yet at the start of the series. Abed does say his characteristic “Cool cool cool” once in a while and Shirley does occasionally use the phrase “That’s nice” to express her satisfaction, but there is a more obvious distinction between the characters by analysing their roles. For instance, Jeff is the obvious leader and he has most of the dialogue due to his habit of giving speeches. The dialogues are relatively clean and contain little to no slang. Another thing that makes the characters different from each other is their specific sense of humour or the lack of it, the latter being the case for Pierce for example. Some characters are more ironic in tone (Jeff and Britta), while others are funny because they are so oblivious to what is happening around them (Pierce and Troy). Abed is once again in a different category. He is just weird and incomprehensible, which makes him extremely likeable and funny. Annie and Shirley do not make the people in the study group laugh, but do drop the occasional remark or raise their voice in case of Shirley, which creates some funny scenes. 22 All the characters also have their own attitude within the group, which makes them act in certain ways and say things to one character which they would not say to another. Jeff, for instance, is really into Britta and is out to get some alone time with her so he can work his magic. However, people keep interrupting, for instance when Abed enters the room in the first scene in the study room. Abed is unaware of most social conventions and does not recognise situations which would be very obvious to most people. Jeff therefore has to pretend he does not care Abed is in the room with Britta and himself and he has to adapt to the situation, making him say things that he normally would not. In the first two episodes, the romantic tension between Jeff and Britta is the only notable relationship between two of the characters of the study group. This is also because everybody is new to Greendale and they have just met up. 23 2.6 Translation problems During the translation of the first two episodes of Community, different problems arose. I categorised these problems according to the four levels used by Christiane Nord (2010, 147): problems on a pragmatic level, problems on a socio-cultural level, problems based on the difference between source text and target text, and source text specific problems. The problems on a pragmatic level are connected to the circumstances for the translator outside of the actual text. Is the right equipment accessible? Does the translator make use of the right software to assist him during the translation process? I did not encounter problems of this category, as I had all the equipment and tools I needed. Problems based on the difference between source text and target text need to be solved by determining the differences in lexicon and semantics between the two languages. The linguistics of both languages play an important role in this aspect. The source text specific problems and problems on a socio-cultural level are encountered during the translation progress. They are similar because theyboth need a different approach for every new text that is translated. With these kinds of problems, it comes down to the competence of the translator himself and the range of his vocabulary. The translation problems mainly consists out of socio-cultural problems, due to the setting of a community college, which is an unknown term and concept for most Dutch viewers, and due to the many references to other popular films and individuals. 24 2.6.1 Socio-cultural Problems The most problems during the translation of Community can be placed under this category. Due to the series meta-based humour, there are numerous references throughout the first two episodes. Sometimes they are movie quotes, like a quote by Abed in the first episode: “ABED: You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner year at the Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me, he said, "Hey, smoke up, Johnny!" "No, dad! What about you?" Some viewers might recognise this quote from Breakfast Club because they have seen the film themselves. However, some viewers might not get the reference. In Community, the viewers are often helped by the other characters, which often respond to such a quote by telling that person which movie it is from, much like anyone in real life would do in order to show they get the reference. In this case, Jeff responds to Abed’s quote by saying: “JEFF: Well, uh that-- that actually was from the Breakfast Club.” This is convenient for any translator, because in this series, references to movies by quotes are rarely left to be explained. This also makes sure that viewers do know what films the characters are referring to, even though they might not have seen the film or find it amusing. 25 Another kind of socio-cultural problem concerning references is that to individuals. In the first episode, there is a dialogue between Abed and Britta: “BRITTA: Abed, what’s your read on that guy? ABED: You look like Elisabeth Shue” In this case, Abed is comparing Britta to Elisabeth Shue based on appearance. The viewers might not know who Elisabeth Shue is, but that is of no importance here. Since Britta is a woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes, one can assume that Elisabeth Shue must share those physical characteristics and is someone famous in America. She does not contribute to the story and is not relevant for the rest of the episode. More importantly, the humour in this dialogue is that Abed does not answer Britta, but instead makes a random statement. Because of this, it is not important who Elisabeth Shue is, for she is not of any importance to the story. There is no need to change the name. In episode two, Annie says to Britta: “You're like Jodie Foster or Susan Sarandon. You rather keep it real than be likable.” This time, Annie is not comparing Britta with someone due to their physical resemblance, but because of their shared personality. Also, this time the comparison is somewhat of an insult, as Annie is implying that Britta is not a likeable individual. In this case, the names mentioned might sound familiar, as both women mentioned are renowned actresses, but they still do not have any relevance to the rest of the story. Furthermore, Annie explains why she is comparing those two women to Britta, which tells something about the 26 shared ways of the three women. Therefore, it is again unnecessary to alter the names mentioned by Annie. The title of the series, Community, is used in two ways: the school the main characters are enrolled in is called Greendale Community College and Jeff pronounces the study group a community in the first episode. A community college is a type of school which does not have an equivalent in Dutch and such a term is therefore difficult to translate. In the very first scene of the first episode, Dean Pelton is giving a speech to the students of Greendale. He says: “What is Community College?” He answers his own question by givingthe viewer examples of people who attend the school. In this way, the term “Community College” does not need to be translated into Dutch, because the viewer knows that this school is not a prestigious school, but a “loser college” like the Dean himself puts it. Another way the word community is used, is when Jeff is giving a speech in the study room to bring everybody closer together: “JEFF: You've just stopped being a study group. You have become something unstoppable. I hereby pronounce you a community.” This usage of the word can be translated into Dutch. In the Dutch translation, the word “gemeenschap” has been used. Essentially, this is the real meaning of the title of the series, because the episodes only show the emotions and dialogues of the people within the study 27 group. Therefore it was important to translate the word this time, for it indicates that the series will tell the story of this particular study group. 28 3.1 Conclusion As mentioned in the introduction, one of the aims of this thesis was to find a solution to the problem of punch lines in a comedy and to learn more about the background of subtitling. One of the main findings was that creating subtitles for a comedy series is much more difficult than might appear at first glance. Not only are there many regulations, both pragmatic and text-specific, to adhere to, but every reference and joke made throughout the series brings its own problems. Translating a text is different from subtitling a comedy series, where the interpretation and representation of humour plays an important part. The wide variety of sources that were examined contributed to the realisation that Community is much more complex to translate than viewers of Comedy Central can imagine. It can be stated that the work of a subtitler is often underestimated by the viewers and that subtitling Community has been a difficult, but educative experience. 29 4. Annotated Subtitles of Episode 1 DEAN PELTON: Hoe gaat dit uit? Kun je me helpen? Bedankt. Goedemorgen. Veel van jullie zitten in de eerste week En als jullie decaan deel ik graag een paar wijze woorden Wat is Community College? Je hebt er van alles over gehoord. Loser school voor trage leerlingen, Twintigers zonder opleiding, gescheiden vrouwen En oude mensen die fit willen blijven tegen het einde van hun leven. Dat is wat je gehoord hebt… …maar ik wens je succes.1 Daar hoorde een stuk tussen. Kan iedereen helpen zoeken? 1 Although one should limit the number of dotted lines in a subtitle (Hoek &Sonépouse), the dean purposefully tries to create suspense by raising his voice. The dotted line creates a comical effect, as the reader does not expect this end of the sentence. 30 ABED: Ik ben half Arabisch, m’n vader is Palestijns, Hij is wel een Amerikaan en geen gevaar voor de maatschappij. Veel mensen willen dat weten, omdat hij agressief overkomt Maar hij is niet boos op Amerika, alleen op mijn moeder Hoewel ze wegging omdat hij agressief was en hij was dat omdat zij Amerikaans is. Ik heet trouwens Abed. JEFF: Leuk om je te leren kennen en daarna te ontmoeten. Even over die vraag van net. ABED: Het was vijf over elf. JEFF: Hoe zit het met dat knappe meisje? Ik krijg geen vat op haar. ABED: Ik heb één keer met haar gepraat. Ze leende me een potlood. Ze heet Britta, 28 jaar, jarig in oktober, 2 broers, Één broer werkt met kinderen die ook een afwijking hebben.2 Abed says that Britta said to him that her brother works with children “who have a disorder I might want to look up”. What Britta means is that Abed has the same condition as the children her brother works with, but Abed himself does not seem to get the message. He is merely quoting Britta. This was hard to translate, as it had to seem clear to the viewer that Abed still does not understand what Britta meant. The word “ook” is meant to represent “I might want to look up”, because both phrases indicate the similarities between Abed and the children. 2 31 En ze heeft morgen een toets dus het spijt haar als ze bits overkomt. JEFF: Jemig Abed, ik zie nu het nut van je in.3 ABED: Dat is het aardigste dat iemand ooit tegen me heeft gezegd. DUNCAN: Niet binnenkomen. JEFF: Als deze mensen je kenden zoals ik, had je een kleiner kantoor gehad. DUNCAN: JEFF: Jeff Winger. Meester van het recht. -Daar moet je mee ophouden. DUNCAN: Dat zal ik nooit doen. Ga zitten. Ik snap nog steeds niet hoe je 9/114 vergeleek met rijden onder invloed. JEFF: Laat staan waarom het hielp. -In 2002 was alles makkelijker. DUNCAN: Wat doet mijn advocaat op de campus? JEFF: Ik ben een leerling. DUNCAN: Dat is niet best. JEFF: Ik heb een probleem. De Orde van Advocaten heeft me geschorst. Ze kwamen erachter Value translates as “waarde” in Dutch, but the word “nut” indicates that Jeff thought, before Abed gave him this valuable information about Britta, Abed was useless. He now serves a purpose in his eyes. 4 Although conventions by Hoek & Sonépouse dictate that numbers from one to twenty should always be written in full, due to the limited number of characters in a line 9/11 was a more suitable option, since 9/11 is a worldwide phenomenon. 3 32 dat m’n diploma nep was. DUNCAN: JEFF: Je had je bul toch van Columbia5? -En nu moet ik er een halen in Amerika. En het mag geen e-mailbijlage zijn. DUNCAN: JEFF: Je hebt een prima school gekozen. -Zeker. Ik hoop dat onze vriendschap voordelen met zich mee brengt. Zoals begeleiding en elk antwoord van elke toets. Hier is m’n rooster. DUNCAN: Je beledigt de integriteit van deze school. Hé zeikerd, dit is geen wc. JEFF: Integriteit boeide je minder op de dag dat ik je collega’s ervan overtuigde Dat spookrijden 6en chalupa’s 7bestellen bij een praatpaal liefde is.8 DUNCAN: Ik hou ook van Amerika. Ik hou van chalupa’s. Ik zal kijken wat ik kan doen. 5 The obvious wordplay here involves the University of Columbia and the country Colombia. Spelling out the joke by replacing “Columbia” with Colombia would make it clearer for the viewer, but that is not the point of this joke. This is because Duncan also assumes that Jeff got his bachelor’s degree at Columbia. 6 “Spookrijden” indicates the same as “making a U-turn on the freeway”. This part of the subtitle could not be left out, because Jeff makes a specific hand gesture when he says u-turn. 7 An option would have been to translate “chalupa’s” with Happy Meal, since chalupa’s is not a well-known dish in the Netherlands and it is equally ridiculous to order at an emergency callbox. Some Dutch viewers might not have heard about this particular dish. But he emphasises the word too much to change it, especially since Duncan also repeats the word a few sentences later. 8 Jeff says: “… from an emergency call box, your only real crime was loving America.” This problem was solved by simply putting the word “liefde”, instead of the whole sub clause. This was done because Duncan acknowledges Jeff’s words by saying that he does love America. After all, the whole point of this part of the conversation is to show how absurd the situation was and it is therefore not required to use the exact same words. 33 JEFF: Bedankt. Je bent een goede kerel. DUNCAN: Ben je bekend met de uitdrukking die zegt dat valsspelers nooit winnen?9 JEFF: Nee. En als ik wat had willen leren, was ik niet naar deze school gekomen. JEFF: BRITTA: Hé, Spaans. -Probeer me niet te versieren. JEFF: Ik zou niet durven. Ik kwam je vertellen over mijn studiegroep Spaans. BRITTA: De jongen die altijd spelletjes speelt op z’n mobiel heeft een werkgroep? Kan ik me twee keer inschrijven? JEFF: Ik volg dit vak voor makkelijke punten. Ik geef eigenlijk bijles Spaans. BRITTA: Zeg dat eens in het Spaans? JEFF: Ik slaap uit, Spaans, niet m’n auto bekrassen.10 BRITTA: JEFF: Ik heb echt hulp nodig met Spaans. -Dat dacht ik al. Ik ben Jeff of Jefe. De groep verzamelt om vier uur in de bieb. BRITTA: -Britta. Bedankt. JEFF: Tot zo? Un poco mas. Dat betekent “ik zie je daar”. “Cheaters never prosper” is similar to the Dutch “al is de leugen nog zo snel, de waarheid achterhaalt haar wel”. Needless to say, this saying is too long to put in a subtitle. Instead, a reference to this Dutch saying was implemented by writing “de uitdrukking die zegt dat...”, which makes it clear which saying is meant by this reference. 10 Jeff speaks Spanish, or rather says some Spanish words, and in the original series, the English subtitles appear in the middle of the screen. Therefore, it is important to translate this part. 9 34 JEFF: Het kan niet moeilijk zijn om een studiegroep te verzinnen toch? JEFF: Sorry, ik ben opgegroeid voor de tv En ik ben gaan geloven dat elke zwarte vrouw een mentor is. BLACK WOMAN: Geloof je ook in het afrekenen van je taco’s, Seinfield? JEFF: Ja, sorry. Het is Seinfeld. JEFF: Bienvenuto. Kom erin. We hebben de hele tafel voor onszelf. Schrijf hier je contactgegevens maar op. De rest van de groep komt te laat, maar wij kunnen alvast kennis maken. BRITTA: Ik ben niet zo van een praatje maken. JEFF: Ik hou van grootpraat. Hoe zit het met jou? BRITTA: JEFF: Is dat geen praatje maken? -Hoe zit het met jou en is God dood? BRITTA: Wil je weten hoe het zit? Ik ging van school om indruk te maken op Radiohead. JEFF: Je kijkt ervan op wat die gasten meekrijgen. BRITTA: Ik ging bij het vredeskorps, Ben geraakt door traangas. JEFF: Trouw met me. BRITTA: En ik denk dat ik eerlijkheid het belangrijkst vind. 35 JEFF: BRITTA: Eerlijkheid. -Ik vind je aardig als je eerlijk bent. BRITTA: Lieg tegen me en ik praat nooit meer met je. JEFF: BRITTA: Duidelijk -Hoe zit het met jou? JEFF: Ik ben ook van eerlijkheid. Want ik zeg alles om m’n zin te krijgen en ik wil dat je me aardig vindt. BRITTA: Eerlijk antwoord. Ok, ik vind je aardig. JEFF: BRITTA: Echt? Jij bent makkelijk. -Klopt. Abed is er. JEFF: ABED: Waarom? -Britta heeft me uitgenodigd. Is dat goed? JEFF: Ik zou niet weten waarom niet. Schrijf hier je gegevens maar op. ABED: BRITTA: Dit lijkt een beetje op Breakfast Club. -We zijn inderdaad in een bibliotheek. ABED: We hebben vast allemaal problemen waar we om moeten huilen. BRITTA: Heb jij iets waar je over wil praten? ABED: Ik word gek in de bovenkamer als het emotioneel wordt. ABED: JEFF: Een smsje. Even lezen. -Het is vast alleen voor jou. ABED: Ik heb er nog nooit een gehad. ABED: Zeg dat je moet plassen, ik moet je spreken. Zeg dat je moet plassen. 36 BRITTA: JEFF: Raar -Moet je plassen? ABED: JEFF: Nee. Wat raar. -Ik ben stomgeslagen. Wat eng. BRITTA: ABED: Wie is dat? -Staat er dat je moet plassen? JEFF: Nee, het is iemand die niet weet wat een afkorting is. Ik ben over vijf minuten terug, leren jullie maar verder. BRITTA: ABED: Wat vind je van die kerel? Je lijkt op Elisabeth Shue. DUNCAN: Probeer niet op te vallen. Doe net alsof je naar die sporters kijkt. JEFF: Deed ik al. Er doet iemand mee die ouder is dan poker. Hij gaat lekker. DUNCAN: Stel dat ik je alle antwoorden kon geven voor je toetsen. JEFF: Dat zou fijn zijn en dat had ook in een sms gekund. DUNCAN: Besef je het verschil tussen goed en fout? JEFF: Ik kwam er al op jonge leeftijd achter dat ik alles goed of fout kon maken. Dus of ik ben God of waarheid is relatief. Wat het ook is: Booyah. DUNCAN: Interessant. Alleen heeft de gemiddelde persoon Meer moeite om daar ‘booyah’ 11op te zeggen. The word “booyah” is put in quotation marks because Duncan uses Jeff’s word and stresses the word in such a manner that it is clear that he never would have used the word himself and maybe even does not understand the word. 11 37 JEFF: Je hoeft geen psycholoog te spelen om je trots te beschermen. Je bent een watje. DUNCAN: Gebruik je nu omgekeerde psychologie op een psycholoog? JEFF: Ik gebruik normale psychologie op een Brit zonder ruggengraat. DUNCAN: Ik ben een docent. je mag niet zo tegen met praten. JEFF: DUNCAN: Een zesjarig meisje mag zo tegen je praten. -Ja, want dat zou schattig zijn. JEFF: Nee, want jij bent een vijfjarig meisje en er bestaat een hiërarchie. DUNCAN: JEFF: Ok, ik doe het. -Bedankt. DUNCAN: Graag gedaan. Doei. Waarom praat ik nog? Ik val alleen maar op. JEFF: Jullie gaan dit niet geloven, maar de rest van groep… …is er.12 PIERCE: TROY: Ben jij de docent? -Dan maak jij m’n huiswerk, toch? SHIRLEY: Ik moet de oppas bellen als het later dan tien uur wordt. ANNIE: Wie bepaalt of een docent bevoegd is? JEFF: ABED: Waar is Britta? -Weet ik niet. Ik heb meer mensen uitgenodigd van Spaans. Is dat cool? 12 When Jeff starts his sentence, the camera is facing him, so the viewer cannot see the study room. This suggests that Jeff walks into the room with again Abed and Britta sitting there. A dotted line was added in order to let the viewer finish the sentence and then, when the camera turns, find out he is wrong. 38 JEFF: Heel cool. Ik ga naar de wc en neem alles mee voor als er brand is. SHIRLEY: TROY: Moeten we met hem meegaan? -Ik laat m’n huiswerk bij deze gast. BRITTA: Betrapt. Nu weet je het, ik rook. JEFF: Met filter, dus dat is veilig. BRITTA: Klaar om te beginnen? De rest van de groep is er. JEFF: Dat is niet mijn groep. Abed heeft ze van Craigslist gehaald. Ik ben getraind om dit nooit te zeggen, maar deze groep is niet te begeleiden. BRITTA: JEFF: Echt waar? -Dus waarom gaan wij niet studeren? BRITTA: JEFF: Tijdens een etentje? -Of een drankje. BRITTA: We moeten eerst studeren en dan pas uit eten gaan. En als ze niet te begeleiden zijn, gaan we eerder weg. JEFF: Dat gaat wel lukken. JEFF: Kijk eens aan. Iedereen is er klaar voor om de hele nacht te studeren. SHIRLEY: Ik kan minstens tot 10 uur blijven. JEFF: Maar wie studeert er met vreemden? Ik heet Jeff. 39 PIERCE: Jeff, aangenaam. Ik ben Pierce Hawthorne En ja, als in Hawthorne Wipes, de beroemde vochtige doekjes. JEFF: Ik wou het net vragen. PIERCE: Ik geef ook vaak toasts, dus ik stel iedereen wel voor. JEFF: Natuurlijk. PIERCE: BRITTA: Jullie kennen Brittles al. -Britta PIERCE: ABED: Abed de Arabier. Is dat ongepast? -Ja. PIERCE: TROY: Roy de wonderboy. -Troy. PIERCE: ANNIE: Prinses Elizabeth. -Annie. PIERCE: En dit mooie schepsel genaamd Shirley. JEFF: Zit hij in de buurt? ANNIE: Waarom moest ik per ongeluk achter deze groep komen? ABED: Dit lijkt al meer op Breakfast Club. PIERCE: Is er ontbijt? BRITTA: Misschien moeten we beginnen… JEFF: Onuitgesproken irritaties zijn vaak de doodsteek voor studie groepen. Moeten we het niet over Annie’s probleem hebben? SHIRLEY: ABED: Liefje, het was niet achter je rug om. -Kan je stoppen met de liefjes? Ik ben jonger, maar niet minder. Mijn levenskeuzes zijn zelfs beter. 40 JEFF: SHIRLEY: Shirley heeft daar een antwoord op. -Nee, dat heb ik niet. JEFF: Lijkt er wel op. Toe maar, Shirley. SHIRLEY: Ik heb een paar verkeerde keuzes gemaakt En misschien zullen haar keuzes beter zijn. Maar wil ze als kind of volwassene behandeld worden? Want kinderen krijgen medelijden, maar geen respect. Volwassenen krijgen respect, maar ook blauwe plekken.13 BRITTA: Laten we dat woord in het Spaans leren. SHIRLEY: Wat doe je? JEFF: Pierce, je doet een beetje vies. PIERCE: Pardon? BRITTA: JEFF: Wat ben je aan het doen? -Ik ben bevoegd. Snap je niet dat dit gedrag ongepast is? PIERCE: Welk gedrag? SHIRLEY: Je valt me al sinds de eerste dag lastig. PIERCE: Lastig vallen? Waarom zou ik iemand lastig vallen die ik aantrekkelijk vind? TROY: 13 Dat is juist het lastig vallen, kerel. Shirley refers to a very specific incident which is too long to put in a subtitle. The point of her example is that she is capable of getting physical. “Blauwe plekken” is an adequate choice, because it is clear to the viewer what her intentions are. 41 PIERCE: Ik ben een prominente zakenman en een graag geziene gast op feestjes En ik neem geen advies aan van een of andere tiener. TROY: Deze tiener is wel een quarterback en promking.14 ANNIE: Je bent geen promking meer. Dit is niet Riverside High. TROY: Hoe weet je dat ik daarheen ging? ANNIE: Omdat je nog steeds dat stomme jasje draagt. En ik zat achter je bij wiskunde. TROY: Jij bent dat meisje dat verslaafd werd en toen van school ging. Jij bent Annie Adderall. ANNIE: En jij bent die popiejopie15 die zijn studiebeurs verspeelde door een handstand. TROY: Radslag. Dat is heel moeilijk.16 ABED: Weet je wat ik voor Kerst heb gekregen? Het was een goed jaar in onze familie. Ik kreeg een pak sigaretten. M’n vader pakte me vast en zei: “Roken maar, Johnny.” En jij dan, pa? JEFF: 14 Dat was echt van Breakfast Club. These realia are typically American and should be maintained. Troy stresses these words, so the viewer will understand that he is proud to be the promking and quarterback. The message of his words will therefore not be lost. 15 Annie accuses Troy of being a “stupid jock”. A word such as “atleet” does not cover its meaning , because “jock” has a more negative connotation than athlete. A jock is someone “who abuses their popularity” (Urban Dictionary). Therefore, “popiejopie” was chosen, for both expressions share the abuse of popularity. 16 The words “kegstand” and “kegflip” are translated as “handstand” en “radslag”, because words like vatstand or biersprong would not make the situation any clearer. The difference between “handstand” and “radslag” is obvious for the viewer and therefore the joke remains intact and Troy’s reaction is equally funny. 42 ABED: Niemand zet mij in de hoek. JEFF: Dat is van Dirty Dancing. Hallo? DUNCAN: Met professor Duncan. Kom naar de parkeerplaats. JEFF: Wat is er met je stem? DUNCAN: Ik heb ‘m vervormd. JEFF: Ik ben zo terug. Spreek dit even uit als ik weg ben. DUNCAN: Stap in. Doe alsof we net aankomen of net gaan rijden. Elk antwoord op elke toets dit semester. JEFF: Ik wist dat je het kon, vriend. Bedankt. DUNCAN: Wacht even, grijpgraag. Wat krijg ik ervoor terug? JEFF: De voldoening van quitte staan. DUNCAN: Quitte, eerlijkheid, goed, slecht. Er is geen god. JEFF: Wat wil je van me? DUNCAN: Je Lexus. JEFF: M’n auto voor een semester aan antwoorden? DUNCAN: Zal het bij een semester blijven, Jeff? Kies je niet de makkelijke weg voor de komende vier jaar? Ik wil vooruitbetaling. Ik wil leren stoelen met balverwarming. 43 JEFF: Jullie zijn kolonies verloren door zo slecht te bluffen. DUNCAN: Veel geluk met je leven als advocaat.17 JEFF: DUNCAN: Waar moet ik in rijden? -Neem deze auto. Goed voor de aarde. JEFF: Net als je kont afvegen met een blad, maar dat doen mannen niet. BRITTA: Het is één grote ramp daarbinnen. JEFF: Niet te begeleiden. Hou je van Thais eten? Ik wel. BRITTA: Is dit een spelletje voor jou? Je zorgt voor deze rotzooi om mij in bed te krijgen? JEFF: Zie het als een compliment. Sorry, het was een ongeluk. ik heb een beetje gelogen. Maar hoe kon ik weten dat je zo slim en cool was? BRITTA: JEFF: Je bent ongelofelijk. -Wat wil je dat ik doe? BRITTA: Het zou redelijk zijn als je je rotzooi opruimt. JEFF: Als ik dat doe gaan we uit eten toch? BRITTA: Wat jij wil. Alsof er een etentje bestaat waardoor je geen sukkel meer lijkt. JEFF: Wacht maar tot je m’n nieuwe auto ziet. Duncan says “Good luck with your disbarment hearing”, meaning that he won’t be a lawyer again if he doesn’t take the free answers and aced the year in easy fashion. This specific term was left out and replaced by the sarcastic comment by Duncan. 17 44 JEFF: Ik wil wat zeggen. Ga zitten. SHIRLEY: Je hoeft niet te schreeuwen. Je toon staat me niet aan. JEFF: Wat onderscheidt mensen van dieren? TROY: PIERCE: Voeten. -Nee, beren hebben voeten. JEFF: We zijn de enige soort op aarde die naar Shark Week18 kijkt. Dat doen haaien zelf niet eens. Om dezelfde reden, kan ik dit potlood Steve noemen en dit doen. En je gaat een beetje dood van binnen, omdat mensen zich overal aan verbinden. We hebben medelijden met een potlood. We kunnen een haai vergeven. En we kunnen Ben Affleck een Academy Award geven. Mensen zien het goede in alles, behalve in zichzelf. Kijk naar mij. Het is duidelijk dat ik geweldig ben. Maar dat mag ik niet zeggen, want dan ben ik een eikel. Wat ik wel kan doen, is zeggen wat Annie geweldig maakt. Zij is gedreven. We hebben gedreven mensen nodig, anders gaan de lichten uit. En we hebben mensen als Pierce nodig. hij heeft veel kennis te bieden. 18 This is the name of the programme, which is also aired on Dutch television under the same name. 45 Luister een keer naar hem. Je zult er geen spijt van krijgen. Shirley heeft ons respect verdiend. Niet als echtgenote of moeder, maar als vrouw. En daag haar niet uit, want ze deelt blauwe plekken uit.19 En dan Troy. Wat maakt het uit dat Troy zichzelf geweldig vindt. Misschien is hij dat wel. Gaan astronauten naar de ruimte omdat ze zuurstof haten? Nee, ze proberen indruk te maken op hun promking. En Abed is een talisman. Vraag hem om zout en hij geeft je soep. Want soep is beter, Abed is beter. Jullie zijn allemaal beter dan jullie zelf denken. Je bent gewoon ontworpen om het niet van jezelf te geloven. PIERCE: Soep? JEFF: Kijk naar de persoon links van je. Sorry, kijk naar de persoon naast je. Ik wil dat jullie hetzelfde medeleven tonen als tegen haaien en Ben Affleck. Vergeef elkaar. Everyone: 19 Ik vergeef je. This refers back to the incident where Annie and Shirley had a falling out about Shirley calling Annie “sweety”. Jeff says that “the thing about the jukebox was way too specific to be improvised”. Since the earlier part was translated with “blauwe plekken”, it was important to stay consistent. 46 JEFF: Pierce, zeg dat je hem vergeeft. Jullie zijn geen studiegroep meer. Jullie zijn iets onbreekbaars geworden. Ik benoem jullie hierbij tot gemeenschap. SHIRLEY: Wat leuk. ABED: Dit is geen Breakfast Club meer. Het is meer zoals elke film met Bill Murray. JEFF: Vanavond was inderdaad erg speciaal. En nu ga ik uit eten. Britta? BRITTA: Ik heb gelogen. Bedankt dat je iedereen tot rust hebt gebracht. Maar omdat je geen Spaans docent bent en gewoon aan het liegen bent Om zo in m’n broek te komen, zou ik het waarderen als je wegging. JEFF: Dan kan ik jullie nu melden dat deze leugenaar de antwoorden voor morgen heeft. En ik wil ze graag delen met de mensen die mijn tijd niet verspeeld hebben. PIERCE: Als je alle antwoorden hebt, waarom ben je dan deze groep begonnen? JEFF: Annie: Die heb ik verzonnen. -En die speech over naar links kijken dan? JEFF: Verzonnen. Dat is wat ik doe. Ik verdiende daar veel geld mee voordat ik naar deze poepschool 20kwam. Ik was een advocaat. Jeff calls Greendale a “school-shaped toilet”. “Poepschool” shows the same lack of respect towards the school, while keeping the setting of a toilet. 20 47 ABED: Ik vond je eerst een Bill Murray, Maar je bent meer een Michael Douglas. JEFF: En jij hebt Asperger. TROY: ANNIE: Ass-burgers.21 -Dat is een ernstige afwijking. PIERCE: Als het zo ernstig is, waarom heet het dan geen meningitis? PIERCE: TROY: Ass-burger. -Burger voor je ass.22 DUNCAN: Denk voordat je iets zegt na over het cadeau dat je hebt gekregen. JEFF: Een reden om een hippie te slaan? DUNCAN: Nee, dat niet. Een belangrijke les, vriend. De vaardigheden die je buiten deze school hebt opgedaan, helpen hier niet. Je hebt nu een tweede kans op een eerlijk leven. JEFF: Waarom probeert iedereen me juist op deze school dingen te leren? 23 Geef me die sleutels. DUNCAN: Nee, ik heb de auto nodig. Niet slaan. Even goede vrienden? Even goede vrienden. Although the joke may be spelled out, Troy stresses the “ass” so much, that he seems to be splitting the word in two himself. Therefore, the joke is spelled out in the subtitle too. 22 This is an odd moment in the first episode. Tthe camera stays a couple of seconds too long on Troy and Pierce it seems, indicating that they are yet to say something. Therefore, this part is subtitled as well. 23 The “Tuition aisle” example is just another opportunity for Jeff to make fun of the school. The word "juist“ was implemented to indicate that Jeff feels this school and its members do not have the right to tell Jeff what to do. 21 48 PIERCE: Ik mag jou wel, Jeffrey. Je doet me aan mezelf denken op jouw leeftijd. JEFF: Dat verdiende ik. PIERCE: Ik ben zeven keer gescheiden. Soms denk ik dat ik iets fout doe. JEFF: Je blijft maar trouwen. PIERCE: Zo had ik het nog niet bekeken. JEFF: Moeten jullie niet studeren? TROY: Het werd saai toen jij wegging. Ik heb een vraag. Iedereen heeft het steeds over m’n jas. Maar als ik hem uitdoe voor ze, ben ik alleen maar zwak, toch? JEFF: Het maakt niet uit. Je doet hem uit om ze tevreden te stellen. Je houdt hem aan om ze te pesten. Hoe dan ook, je doet het voor hen. Dat is zwak. TROY: Nu zitten m’n hersens in de knoop. PIERCE: TROY: Hij is goed hè? -Heel goed. BRITTA: Moet jij niet door je antwoorden rollen? JEFF: Ik heb de antwoorden niet. Ik ga de toets niet halen. TROY: Je moet gewoon een uurtje leren, het is niet zo moeilijk. Je ziet er slim uit, want je hebt een sportjas. JEFF: Het grappige van slim zijn is dat je nooit enig werk hoeft te verrichten. 49 Dus ik heb geen idee hoe dat moet. ABED: Kunnen jullie me horen? Ben ik doof? Horen jullie me praten? ABED: -Mooi. BRITTA: We kwamen eigenlijk niet ver zonder jou, dus kom maar weer mee. JEFF: BRITTA: Echt? -Het is jouw studiegroep. SHIRLEY: PIERCE: We gaan studeren. -Klinkt goed. ABED: Sorry dat ik je Michael Douglas noemde en ik zie nu het nut van je in. JEFF: Dat is het aardigste dat iemand ooit tegen me heeft gezegd 50 5. Annotated translation of Episode 2 Episode 2 Pelton: Goedemiddag, Greendale. Ik ben jullie decaan. Even over de studiegids. Kosmologie moet cosmetica zijn, astrologie moet astronomie zijn, en de mensen op de omslag moeten lachen, maar dat is mijn mening. Voor de wiettelers op deze school: Jullie hebben een cruise gewonnen. Meld je bij de bewaking om je tickets op te halen. Om het daklozenprobleem te verhelpen, hebben alle bewakers nu verrekijkers. Het debat over de intercom gaat door. Sommigen zeggen dat het zachter kan, Terwijl anderen het nutteloos vinden. Wordt vervolgd. TROY: ABED: Die kerel maakt veel aankondigingen. -Ik vind het leuk. Het lijk alsof er om de tien minuten een nieuwe scène begint. Totdat iemand iets zegt wat niemand op tv zou zeggen, zoals hoe erg hun leven op tv lijkt. Dan is het weg. ANNIE: BRITTA: Jeff is weer te laat. -Wat jammer nou. SHIRLEY: We kunnen vast beginnen. -We kunnen beter wachten op Jeff. ANNIE: Als Jeff er is, kunnen we hem aanspreken op zijn traagheid. 51 PIERCE: Niet dat woord gebruiken waar Abed bij is. Ik praat wel met hem. We zijn net broers van elkaar. TROY : Hopelijk gingen jullie niet samen in bad, want dan zou iemand dertig zijn. PIERCE: Jeff komt waarschijnlijk zo laat zodat hij jouw traagheid niet meemaakt. Sorry, Abed. BRITTA: Hebben jullie geen eigenwaarde? Hij geeft niks om jullie. Ondertussen worden er in Guatemala journalisten vermoord. SHIRLEY: BRITTA: Je sloeg iets over. Wat gebeurt daar? -Niks. ANNIE: BRITTA: Journalisten worden vermoord? -Omdat ze hun mening laten horen. En het ergste is dat, wanneer het allemaal afgelopen is… ABED: BRITTA: -Spoilers -… het net is alsof het niet gebeurd is. Echte verhalen hebben geen spoilers. TV en het echte leven zijn verschillend. Jeff: Annie: Jonkvrouw. -Edele heer. Jeff: Shirley: Schatje. -Liefje. Jeff: Pierce: Vitamine P. -Goeiemorgen. Ik kreeg ook zo’n welkom. Troy: Jeff: Tik ‘m aan. -Altijd. Abed: Jeff: Goeie entree. -Speciaal voor jou. 52 Britta: Hee Jeff. De groep wil je iets vertellen. Everyone: Nee hoor. Britta: Als je met anderen studeert, moet je gewoon op tijd komen. Jeff: Everybody: Waren jullie op me aan het wachten? -Nee hoor. Jeff: Want jullie praten altijd over jullie interessante levens. Ik heb gewoon weinig te vertellen. Mijn leven is leger dan deze map. Heb jij misschien iets wat erin past? Dankje. Wat moet je doen voor een zesje tegenwoordig? ___________________________________________________ Jeff: Weet je welke dag het vandaag is? Twee weken geleden maakte ik een vreselijke eerste indruk. Britta: Jeff: Is daar een kaart voor? -Niet helemaal. Maar als je de metafoor snapt, dan komt het in de buurt. Deze Transformer leest immers uit de Thora. BRITTA: Je doet me niks, omdat ik vaker sukkels ben tegengekomen. Maar daarbinnen zitten goede mensen die jou vertrouwen en respecteren. En het is niet leuk om te zien dat jij ze gebruikt. Jeff: Abed: Gebruikt? Het zijn mijn vrienden. -Moet ik je auto voorrijden? 53 Jeff: Tuurlijk niet, Abed Ik zal jouw auto voorrijden. Britta: Je bent leuk, maar egoïstisch en vreselijk narcistisch. Jeff: Pierce: Ze zei dat ze me leuk vond. -Jij mag haar hebben, Ik heb minder te bewijzen. Je moet niet zo wanhopig doen, Dat vind niemand leuk. Zullen we een biertje pakken? Dan geef ik je advies en houden we een worstenfeest. JEFF: Ik ben niet zo van worsten. Misschien de volgende keer. PIERCE: Volgende keer dan maar. ANNIE: SHIRLEY: Wil je ons meer vertellen over Guatemala? -Ik ben nooit naar school geweest. BRITTA: ANNIE: Dat moeten jullie zelf uitzoeken. -Maar we hebben jouw hulp nodig. Je lijkt op Jodie Foster of Susan Sarandon. Jij houdt je meer bezig met echte zaken, dan met leuk gevonden worden. Shirley: Britta: Kan je zeggen wat we moeten googelen? -Je kunt beginnen met Chacata-Panecos. Hij schreef een kritisch artikel over de regering en werd vermoord. Annie (Shirley):Wat vreselijk. -Mogen we protesteren? Daar heb ik zin in. Annie: We kunnen een wake houden, net als die lesbiennes op het nieuws. Shirley: Ik kan brownies maken. 54 Britta: Brownies? Chang: Soms vraagt er wel eens een leerling: Waarom geeft u Spaans? Ze zeggen het op die manier. Waarom geeft u Spaans? Waarom u? Waarom geen wiskunde? Waarom geen fotografie? Of vechtsport? Het zit natuurlijk in mijn aard om les te geven in iets ouds en geheims, zoals het bouwen van een muur die vanuit de ruimte te zien is. Ik zal je vertellen waarom ik Spaans geef. Dat gaat jullie niks aan. Ik wil het niet hebben over wat voor geheimzinnige man ik zogenaamd ben. Ik ben een Spaans genie. In het Spaans is mijn bijnaam de Chinese tijger 24. Want mijn kennis bijt haar gezicht eraf. Dus twijfel niet aan me, of ik bijt je. Morgenochtend hebben zijn er presentaties over hoofdstuk één. Jullie maken paren van twee. Als je onder je tafel kijkt, vind je kaart met een woord of een plaatje. In America, people have a basic understanding of the Spanish language. In the Netherlands, however, people might not know what “el tigre chino” means. Therefore it has been translated into Dutch. 24 55 Dit blonde meisje heeft bijvoorbeeld een plaatje van een huis. Dat betekent dat de persoon met het woord “huis” haar partner is. Duidelijk, Star-burns? Tot vrijdag, zoek je partners en een fijne dag verder. Wat zeggen we altijd aan het eind? Hasta Luego. Kom op, 90% van Spaans is handgebaren. Jeff: Wil je van kaart ruilen? Ik geef je twintig dollar. Jeff: Abed: Vijftig dollar. -Nee, ik wil je shirt. Jeff: Ik wil ‘m al sinds dag één. -Prima, geef je kaart maar. Abed: Je snapt het niet. Ik wil ‘m gelijk aandoen. Jeff: Britta: Wat een toeval. -Weet je zeker dat het toeval is? Ik weet dat Abed dat shirt al heel lang mooi vond. Het is net alsof jij je shirt hebt geruild voor zijn kaart. Jeff: Ik ben niet zelfzuchtig en dat ga je merken tijdens deze opdracht. Morgenavond? Met een hapje en een drankje? Britta: Dat moet je met je partner bespreken. Ik heb namelijk wel geruild. Pierce: Ongelofelijk, wat een toeval. Mag ik je shirt kopen? 56 Pierce: Hoe zit de wereld van de vochtige doekjes eruit? Niet zoals de doekjes zelf. Het is een harde, droge, grote wereld. Het heeft al mijn huwelijken kapot gemaakt. Het hielp niet dat ik geen kinderen kan krijgen. Ik ben niet onvruchtbaar, maar ik heb hyperviriliteit. Mijn sperma schiet dwars door de eicellen heen. Jeff: Niet te geloven toch? -Inderdaad. Gelukkig geloof je het zelf. We moeten een Spaans gesprek opvoeren van vijf zinnen. Pierce: Jeff: Hemingway’s limonade. -Dit hoeft geen lange avond te worden. Pierce: Ben ik gewoon een stuk afval in jouw ogen? Pierce: Grapje. Laten we één drankje doen. Pierce: Jeff: Op de krachtigheid 25van woorden. -Op de ironie van die zin. Pierce: Wat is de laatste tijd met je, Jeffrey? Je lijkt ergens mee te zitten. Jeff: Pierce: Het is Britta. -Vergeet haar. Haar naam alleen al. Is ze een waterfilter?26 En ze is lelijk. Jeff: Laten we beginnen met deze zin. 25 26 Brita is a brand of waterfilters. 57 Pierce: -Wat doe je? Jeff: Pierce: Onze opdracht. -Niet zo snel. Dit gaat de eerste keer worden dat mensen Winger en Hawthorne samen zien. We moeten een indruk achterlaten. Laten we brainstormen. Nee, wacht. Wat is een verhaal eigenlijk? Shirley: Als je die brownie lekker vindt, dan haat je de situatie in Guatemala. Google het. Leve de waarheid. Als het donker wordt, deel ik kaarsen uit en houden we een stil protest. We tapen onze monden en staan hand in hand in oorverdovende stilte. Annie: Britta: Wat heb je opeens? -Zo doe je dit niet. Shirley: Britta: Zo doen wij het. -Dit is goedkoop en stom. Dat meende ik niet. Sorry. Wat ik probeer te zeggen is dat dit erg persoonlijk voor me is. ANNIE: Bedoel je dat we niet mogen protesteren? Je lijkt Guatemala wel. Shirley: Je doet alsof het je wat boeit, maar je doet ondertussen niks.27 Britta: Ik doe wel wat This passage was too long to translate fully, so I decided to translate what Shirley means by saying “Somebody has a case of "likes to use French politics to make themselves special, "but doesn't actually ever want to do anything-it is”. 27 58 Ik doe niks. Wat kan ik doen? Annie: Britta: Je kan deze piñata ophangen. -Beseffen jullie dat hij is doodgeslagen? Shirley: Annie: Daar hebben we het idee vandaan. -Hartverscheurend. Pierce: Wat hebben we tot nu toe? Jeff: Een veel te lang, verwarrend en homo fobisch verhaal. En verrassend kritisch tegenover Israël. En het heet twee conquistadors, dat moet waarschijnlijk dos worden. En in dit mooie verhaal zitten niet de vereisten voor een zes. Pierce: Je hebt gelijk. Werk aan de winkel. Abed: Jeff: Wat zijn jullie aan het doen? Geen idee. Troy: Pierce: Wij gaan naar de demonstratie. -Zijn er hippies? Troy: Het gaat over iets wat Britta interessant vindt. Abed: Een stil protest, met veel kaarsen. Daarvan krijgen de dames zin in nieuw sociaal contact. Een kans voor mij om dit shirt te gebruiken. Pierce: Troy: Die presentaties moeten morgen af. Klopt. Wat zullen we doen? Pierce: Valsspelers. Wat doen we met het einde van de tweede akte? Jeff: Dat zal ik je vertellen. We sturen dit verhaal naar het gekkenhuis. 59 En dan leren we vijf zinnen voor morgenochtend. Goedenavond. Pierce: Jeff: Ga je nu weg? Noem je dit vriendschap? -Ik noem dit te hard je best doen. Jeff: Ik vind het moeilijk om nog beleefd te blijven. Dit was een leuke avond als je van kansloos houdt, Maar buiten staat de vrouw die ik een beetje leuk vind iets stoms te doen. en ik ga haar laten zien dat net kan doen alsof het mij ook boeit. Pierce: Jeff: Dat was alles wat ik wilde horen. -Had ik dat nu maar eerder geweten. Britta: Jeff: Mooi bord. -Bedankt. Leuk ingericht hier. Britta: Ik ben gemeen tegen je geweest. Ik ben niet perfect. Jeff: Ik wil het je wel leren. Pierce: Kijk naar de coole Jeff Winger. Hij is te cool voor deze oude bok met je hippe shirts en je gel en je tape over je mond. Jeff: Waarom draag iedereen tape? -Het is een demonstratie, Pierce. Pierce: Mooi, want ik wil demonstreren tegen de pijn die je me hebt aangedaan. Abed: Dit zal ons uiteindelijk dichter bij elkaar brengen. Troy: Je stinkt uit je mond. Pierce: Je zegt me steeds af, je wil dat ik je huiswerk doe en dan doe ik ineens te hard m’n best om je vriend te zijn. 60 Je moest zo nodig net doen alsof deze demonstratie je iets boeit. Pierce: Jeff: Dat zijn zijn woorden. -Hij parafraseert. Ga koffie halen en vertel je spermaverhaal aan iemand anders. Pierce: Ik zal je eens wat sperma laten zien. Ik wil nog niet dood. Jeff: Hij ligt in de fontein. Hij heeft niks. Annie: Shirley: Heb je het al gezien? -Het is gelukt. Pagina drie. Het gaat vooral over Pierce, maar lees de laatste alinea. Annie: Shirley: Het incident voltrok tijdens een demonstratatie over Guatemala. Nu weet iedereen ervan. -En dit is niet de schoolkrant. Het is een echte krant, want er staat een stripverhaal in. Britta: Dat is mij nooit gelukt. Kennen jullie de situatie in Burma? Shirley: Ik moet meer brownies gaan bakken. Jeff: Goeiemorgen. Britta: Ik snap het. Garfield wenst me een fijne boomfeestdag en ik vergeef je. Jeff: Leuk geprobeerd. Het is eigenlijk de dag van de secretaresse En sorry voor het verstoren van 61 je demonstratie met die babyboomer. Shirley: Troy: Annie: Het is niet jouw schuld, lieverd. Ik hou die man altijd al in de gaten. Die vent is gek. Hij zei dat meisje twee plassers hebben. Ik heb kerstliedjes gezongen in een bejaardentehuis. Ik herken dementie gelijk en gisteren zag ik het weer. Britta: Weet je wat pas echt gek is? Hij bood me honderd dollar aan omdat hij bij Jeff in de groep wilde. Ik denk dat hij zo respect van de groep wilde krijgen. Hij heeft zijn hele leven voor zichzelf moeten zorgen en zou dat allemaal ruilen voor familie. Chang: Hallo, klas. Tijd voor de presentaties. Jeff en Pierce waren eerst, maar Pierce heeft de situatie uitgelegd. Blijkbaar was er een ruzie en zijn er mensen verraden. Jeff, na het verhaal van Pierce is het redelijk dat jij een zes krijgt en dat Pierce de presentatie alleen doet, als jij dat eerlijk vindt. Jeff: Dat vind ik helemaal niet eerlijk. Ik snap het als je geen vrienden meer met me wilt zijn, 62 maar dit is groter dan ons allebei en het verdient een goede afloop. Pierce: Ok. Chang: Waarom hebben jullie kostuums? Het zijn korte gesprekjes. Jeff: Het hoeft niet… -…adembenemend te zijn? Dikke pech. Jeff: Pierce: Ben je er klaar voor, amigo? -Si Chang: Een één en een één min. Pierce: Wat? Zei je nou geen?28 Britta: Dat was een van de slechtste dingen die ik ooit heb gezien en het was onzelfzuchtig, dus ik ben onder de indruk. Jeff: Hoe weet je dat ik het niet deed om nog een kans te krijgen bij jou? Britta: Omdat zo’n slimme kerel als jij inziet dat niemand je meer sexy vindt. Jeff: Dat weet ik. Daar heb ik aan gedacht. Señor Chang grades the presentation with an F and an F-. Translated into the Dutch grading system, this would be a one and a one minus, even though the latter is never actually given, but is just used by Chang to emphasise how terrible it was. Pierce is baffled by this mark and thinks he hears Chang say S instead of F. I chose “geen” as a translation of S, because the pattern of sound between “geen” and “één” is similar to that of S and F. 28 63 Ze keek terug. Pierce: Jeff: Goed gedaan, vriend. -Bedankt, Pierce. Pierce: Een paar opmerkingen. Je trekt altijd een raar gezicht als je grappig doet, waardoor mensen gaan nadenken over hoe cool je denkt te zijn. 64 6. Works Cited Bassey, A. Situation audiovisuelle dans un pays multilingue: le Nigéria. In: Les transferts linguistiques dans les médias audiovisuals, red. Y.Gambier , Paris: Septentrion, 61-72. Print. 1996. Díaz Cintas, Jorge, Aline Remael. Audiovisual Translation: Subtitling. Manchester: St. Jerome Publishing, 2007. Díaz Cintas, Jorge. “Back to the Future in Subtitling.” EU-High-Level Scientific Conference Series. 2005. 29 Mar. 2012 <http://www.euroconferences.info/proceedings/2005_ Proceedings/2005_DiazCintas_Jorge.pdf>. Ferrara, J. Dan Harmon Interview. Web. 2011. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8gRKtWJr5o> Gambier, Y. Screen Translation. Special Issue of The Translator 9. Print. 2003. Gottlieb, H. Subtitling. In: Encyclopedia of translation studies, red. M.Baker, London & New york: Routledge, 244-248. Print. 1998. Hönig, Hans G. “Vertalen tussen reflex en reflectie – Een model voor vertaalrelevante tekstanalyse”. Denken over vertalen. 2010. Trans. Marijke Castel. Ed. Naaijkens, Ton et al. Print. Hoek & Sonépouse. “Huisstijl” Web. April 2013. <www.spotter.hs-ondertiteling.nl> Karamitroglou, Fotios. Towards a Methodology for the Investigation of Norms in Audiovisual Translation. Amsterdam, The Netherlands: Rodopi B.V. 2000. Print. Koolstra, Cees M., Allerd L. Peeters and Herman Spinhof. “The Pros and Cons of Dubbing and Subtitling.” European Journal of Communication 17 (2002): 325-354. Web. 2012 <http://ejc.sagepub.com/content/17/3/325>. Nord, Christiane. “Tekstanalyse en de moeilijkheidsgraad van een vertaling.” Denken over Vertalen. Trans. Cornelie van Rinsum and Henri Bloemen. Ed. Naaijkens, Ton et al. Print. 2010. Remael, Aline. Vertaling in Beeld: Audiovisuele Vertaling en Ondertitels. Web. 2004. Spot Software. Spot Subtitling System Trial. www.spotsoftware.nl 65 Turchiano, D. Q&A: Dan Harmon, Chris McKenna, and awesome 'Community' fans at CommuniCon. Web. 2013. < http://www.examiner.com/article/q-a-dan-harmon-chrismckenna-and-awesome-community-fans-at-communicon-2> Urban Dictionary <http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jock> WGA West. Writing in Color, 3 of 4: Dan Harmon on why he’s obsessed with race. Youtube. Web. 2011 <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=325hL0zBR2s> Whitman-Linsen, C. Through the dubbing glass: the synchronization of American motion pictures into German, French and Spanish. Frankfurt am Main: Lang. 1992. 66 7. Transcript Episode 1 PELTON How do we turn this off? Can you help me with this? Good morning. Many of you are halfway through your first week here at Greendale and, as your dean, I thought I would share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration. PELTON What is Community College? Well, you’ve heard all kinds of things. You’ve heard it’s “loser college” for remedial teens, 20 something dropouts, middle age divorcees and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity. PELTON That’s what you’ve heard... However: I wish you luck! Ok you know, oh oh, ok there’s more to this speech. There’s actually a middle part that is missing. Can we all look around our immediate areas? Because I really wanted to… _______________________ ABED I’m only half Arabic, actually, my Dad is Palestinian, I mean, he’s a U.S. Citizen and he’s not a threat to national security or anything, a lot of people want to know that after they meet him, because he has an angry energy, but not like angry at America, just angry at my Mom for leaving him, although she did leave because he was angry, and he was angry because she was American. My name’s Abed, by the way. JEFF Abed, nice to know you, and then meet you, in that order. Now about that question I had. ABED Oh. (looks at watch) Five after eleven. When you asked. JEFF :Abed, what’s the deal with the hot girl from Spanish class. I can’t find a road in there. 67 ABED Well, I’ve only talked to her once while she was borrowing a pencil, but her name’s Britta, she’s 28, birthday in October, she has two older brothers and one of them works with children who have a disorder I might want to look up. Oh, and she thinks she’s going to flunk tomorrow’s quiz so she really needs to focus and she’s sorry if that makes her seem cold. JEFF Holy crap. Abed, I see your value, now. ABED That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. DUNCAN: absolutely not JEFF: If these guys knew you like I did, they would’ve given you a small office. DUNCAN: Jeff Winger! Genius at law. JEFF gotta stop saying that DUNCAN I will never do that. Sit down. I still can’t figure out how you got a jury to connect September 11th with my DUI. Let alone why that helped. JEFF 2002 was a simpler time. DUNCAN What’s my lawyer doing on campus? JEFF I’m a student. DUNCAN That cannot be an inspiring journey JEFF Eh I am in a bit of a jam. The state bar has suspended my license. They found out that my college degree was less than legitimate. DUNCAN Well I thought you had a bachelors from Columbia? JEFF and now I have to get one from America! And it can’t be an email attachment. DUNCAN well, you’ve picked a fine school. JEFF yes. And im hoping that our friendship will yield certain advantages. You know academic guidance, moral support, every answer to every test for every one of the classes I’m taking. Heres my schedule. 68 DUNCAN no just by asking that you’ve insulted the integrity of this entire institution. (to a guy peeing outside:) OI, WASTER. Not a bathroom. Not a bathroom. JEFF ok. Duncan, you did seem less concerned with integrity the day I convinced twelve of your peers that when you did a U turn on a freeway and tried to order chalupas from the emergency call box, your only real crime was being an American. DUNCAN well I do love America, I love it. Very much JEFF hmm? DUNCAN I love chalupas. I’ll look into it. JEFF thank you. Duncan, you are a good man DUNCAN Jeff, are you familiar with the adage “cheaters never prosper”? JEFF no. and if I wanted to learn something, I would not have come to community college. JEFF Oh, hey. Spanish. BRITTA Yeah, just don’t hit on me, okay? JEFF Whoa. i wouldn’t dream of it. I just wanted to let you know about my Spanish study group. BRITTA The guy playing Bejeweled on his iPhone all classes has a study group? Can I sign up twice? JEFF I’m taking that class for the easy credit. I actually a Spanish tutor.Board certified. BRITTA Can you say that in Spanish now? JEFF Duermo tarde Espanol, una hora mas, no rayar mi coche. Subtitle: I sleep late Spanish, one more hour, do not scratch my car. BRITTA I really need help with Spanish. 69 JEFF I was willing to bet. I’m Jeff or Jefe (Boss in Spanish). The group meets in the library at Four. BRITTA Britta. Thanks JEFF You’re gonna be there? Un poco mas (A LITTLE MORE). That means “I’ll see you there”. JEFF TO ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN shouldn’t be too hard to fake a study group, right? EBW huh? JEFF Sorry. I was raised on TV, and was conditioned to believe that every black woman over fifty is a cosmic mentor. EBW were you conditioned to pay for your damn tacos, Seinfield? JEFF Yes, and I’m so sorry. Its Seinfeld. JEFF (repeating) Bienvenido. Bienvenido. Bienvenido! Alright, come on in. we’ve got the whole table, welcome. BRITTA yeah, the whole room! JEFF Here’s the contact sheet, just put your stuff there. Man, the rest of the group is running late, but you and I can get acquainted. BRITTA You may have noticed this morning, I’m not great at small talk. JEFF Yeah I like big talk. What’s your deal? BRITTA That’s not small talk? 8. JEFF What’s your deal and IS GOD DEAD?! BRITTA Alright. You want to know my deal? I dropped out of high school because I thought for some reason it would impress radiohead. JEFF you’ll be surprised what gets back to those guys. B I joined the peace corps/core, did a little foot modelling, I got tear gassed in a world trade rally.. J marry me B and I guess, Jeff, my deal is, above all else: honesty. J Honesty. B yeah you tell me the truth, I will like you. You lie to me and I will never talk to you again. That’s my deal. J that’s a good deal B so what’s your deal? J I would say...honesty, because... (surrender) I would say anything to get what I 70 want and I want you to like me. BRITTA Wow, that’s a very honest answer. Alright, now I like you fine. J really? Wow you’re easy B Hellyeah. Abed in the house! Whoooo! JEFF (good fake enthusiasm) Whooooo! whyyyyy? ABED Britta invited me, is that cool? JEFF (plastered smile) I can’t think of a single logical reason why not. Hey here put your contact info here. ABED Cool cool cool cool. (while writing) Hey, this is kind of like Breakfast Club, huh? BRITTA We’re in a library! ABED Yeah. I’m sure we’ve each got a an issue balled up inside of us that would make us cry if we talked about it. BRITTA Do you have something balled up inside of you want to talk about? ABED Oh, I got a little doozy in the chamber if things get emotional. ABED Whoa! Text message. Let’s give this bad boy a read. Abed picks up his phone. JEFF It’s probably just for you ABED - I’ve never gotten one of these. “Say you have to pee I need to talk to you.” ABED “Say you have to pee?” BRITTA That is weird. JEFF Yeah. Do you have to pee? ABED no. that so weird JEFF: well I’m stumped. That’s very creepy ABED that makes two of us. BRITTA what’s that? ABED does it say “you have to pee”? 71 JEFF: no its just someone with a misguided grasp of abbreviation. I1 need just five minutes, you guys, so go ahead and study all the verbs in Spanish. BRITTA abed, what’s your read on that guy? ABED you look like Elisabeth Shoe __________________________________ DUNCAN: Just act natural. Pretend you're watching the athletic proceedings. JEFF: You couldn't stop me from watching them. There's a guy trying out for the track team that is older than the game of poker. He's kind of trucking. DUNCAN: Suppose I was to say to you it was possible to get those test answers? JEFF: I would say, "go for that", and could have said so in a text. DUNCAN: I'm asking you if you know the difference between right and wrong. JEFF: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough I could make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. And in either case, Booyah. DUNCAN: Oh, interesting. It's just the average person has a much harder time saying "Booyah", to moral relativism. JEFF: Duncan, you don't have to play shrink to protect your pride. I accept. You're chicken. DUNCAN: Are you trying to use reverse psychology on a psychologist? JEFF: No, I'm just using regular psychology on a spineless, British twit. DUNCAN: I'm a professor! You can't talk to me that way. JEFF: A six-year-old girl could talk to you that way. DUNCAN: Yes, because that would be adorable! JEFF: No, because you're a five-year-old girl and there's a pecking order. DUNCAN: Fine! I'll do it! JEFF: Thank you. DUNCAN: Yeah, pleasure. Bye! Yes! Good! Why am I still shouting? I'm drawing attention to myself. _______________________________ JEFF: You guys aren't gonna believe this, but the rest of the group is here. PIERCE: Are you the board-certified tutor? TROY: That means you do my homework, right, Seacrest? SHIRLEY: I need to call my babysitter if we're gon' be later than 10:00. ANNIE What board certifies a tutor? JEFF: Where's Britta? ABED Not sure. But I invited more people from Spanish class. Is that cool? 72 JEFF: It's the coolest. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and bring my jacket, wallet, and keys with me in case there's a fire. SHIRLEY: Should we go with him? TROY: I'm leaving my homework with Slumdog Millionaire over here. SHIRLEY: That's borderline racist, I think. BRITTA And busted. JEFF: Uh, listen. BRITTA Now you know. I'm a smoker. JEFF: Yeah, but they're filtered, so that makes them safe. BRITTA You ready to get started? Looks like the rest of your group showed up. JEFF: Yeah, not mine, actually. I think Abed took out a page on Craigslist. And I was trained never to say this but I think that group may be untutorable. BRITTA Oh, really? JEFF: So why don't you and I go study over— BRITTA Dinner? JEFF: - Or drinks. BRITTA I think, actually, we should prioritize here and study first and then go to dinner. And if they really prove to be untutorable we'll slip out early. JEFF: Oh they will be untutorable. _________________________________________________ JEFF: All right. Look at this crew. All ready to study all night. SHIRLEY: Well, I can stay at least till 10:00. JEFF: But who studies with strangers, right? My name is Jeff. PIERCE: Jeff, it's a pleasure. My name is Pierce Hawthorne and, yes That is Hawthorne as in Hawthorne Wipes, the award-winning moist towellete. JEFF: I was just going to ask. PIERCE: I'm also a toast master, so perhaps I should do the introductions. JEFF: Definitely! PIERCE: All right, you already know Brittles. BRITTA Britta. PIERCE: Abed. Abed the Arab. Is that inappropriate? ABED Sure. PIERCE: Roy. Roy the wonder boy. TROY: Troy. PIERCE: Little Princess Elizabeth. Annie Annie. 73 PIERCE: And finally, this beautiful creature is named Shirley. JEFF: Is that even close? Annie I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group on accident? ABED This is getting way more like Breakfast Club now. PIERCE: There's breakfast? BRITTA Okay, um, maybe we should get started— JEFF: I've been a part of a lot of study groups, that fell apart because of unresolved tension. Shouldn't we address Annie's concern? Did we not invite her? SHIRLEY: Well, Annie, sweetie, it's not behind your back. ANNIE Can we stop with the "pumpkins" and the "sweeties"? Being younger does not make me inferior. If anything, your age indicates that you've made bad life decisions. JEFF: Shirley has a response to that. SHIRLEY: No, no, no. I don't. JEFF: It looks like you do. Shirley, go ahead. SHIRLEY: Okay, okay. Um I'm sure I've made some bad life decisions and maybe Annie's decisions will be better. But I think she needs to decide whether she wants to be considered a child or an adult, because children get pity but not respect. Adults, they get respect but they also get the back of their head grabbed and their face pushed through jukeboxes. BRITTA Okay. Why don't we try learning "jukebox" in Spanish? SHIRLEY: What are you doing? JEFF: Pierce! Let's discuss this creepiness. PIERCE: Pardon you? BRITTA What are you doing? JEFF: I'm certified. Are you unaware that Shirley finds your advances inappropriate? PIERCE: What advances? SHIRLEY: You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class. PIERCE: Sexually harassing? What? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass somebody who turns me on? TROY: Saying she turns you on is the harassment, dude. PIERCE: Hey. I am a prominent business leader and a highly sought after dinner guest and I will not take courting advice from some teenage boy. TROY: Well, this teenage boy is a quarterback and a prom king. Annie You're not prom king anymore, Troy. This isn't Riverside High. TROY: How'd you know I went there? 74 Annie Because you're still wearing your stupid letter jacket and more importantly, I sat behind you in algebra. TROY: Well, you're the girl that got hooked on pills and then dropped out. You're little Annie Adderall. Annie Yes, and you are a stupid jock who lost his scholarship by dislocating both shoulders in a keg stand. TROY: Keg flip. They're very hard to pull off. ABED You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner year at the Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me, he said, "Hey, smoke up, Johnny!" "No, dad! What about you?" JEFF: Well, uh that-- that actually was from the Breakfast Club. ABED Nobody puts Baby in the corner. JEFF: Dirty dancing. Hello? DUNCAN: It's professor Duncan. Come to the parking lot now. JEFF: What's wrong with your voice? DUNCAN: I'm disguising it. JEFF: Uh, I'll be right back. But while I'm gone, you guys need to hash this stuff out. No stone unturned. Go! PIERCE: What is he talking about? ________________________________ DUNCAN: Get in the car! Act as if we've either just finished or yet to begin driving. Every answer to every test in your curriculum this semester. JEFF: I knew you could do it, buddy. Thank you. DUNCAN: Whoa there, grabby-grabby. What do I get? JEFF: The satisfaction of being even. DUNCAN: Even, fairness, right, wrong. There is no God. Booyah, Booyah. JEFF: What do you want from me? DUNCAN: Your Lexus. JEFF: My car for a semester's worth of answers? DUNCAN: Will it be just a semester though, Jeff? Won't you be taking the easy way out for the next four years? I want payment in advance. I want leather seats with built-in ball warmers. JEFF: You know, bluffs this weak are how your people lost the colonies. DUNCAN: Have a nice disbarment hearing. JEFF: What am I supposed to drive? DUNCAN: Why don't you take this car? It's good for the earth. JEFF: Yeah, so is wiping your butt with a leaf, but it's not how a man gets around! 75 ____________________________________________ JEFF: Golfcart… BRITTA It is a disaster in there. JEFF: Yeah, untutorable. You like Thai food? I love Thai food. BRITTA Wait, so this is a game to you? You put human beings into a state of emotional shambles for a shot at getting in my pants? JEFF: Why can't you see that for the compliment that it is? Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry. It was an accident. I did a little bit of lying to get close to you. But how was I supposed to know that you were smart and cool? I mean, you look like Elisabeth Shue. BRITTA You're unbelievable. JEFF: What do you want me to do? BRITTA Oh, maybe one decent thing could be to go in there and clean up your mess. JEFF: Okay, if I do that, then dinner, right? BRITTA Yeah, fine, whatever. As if there's a dinner on earth that could make me forget you are a shallow douchebag. JEFF: Oh, you're gonna eat those words when you see my new car. _________________________________________ JEFF: All right, everybody! I want to say something. Sit down. SHIRLEY: You don't have to yell. I don't appreciate your tone. JEFF: You know what makes humans different from other animals? TROY: Feet. PIERCE: No, no, no. Come on. Bears have feet. JEFF: We're the only species on earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do. For the same reason I can pick up this pencil, tell you its name is Steve, and go like this. And part of you dies just a little bit on the inside because people can connect with anything. We can sympathize with a pencil. We can forgive a shark. And we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting. PIERCE: Big mistake. TROY: He's got a point. JEFF: People can find the good in just about anything but themselves. Look at me. It's clear to all of you that I am awesome but I can never admit that, because that would make me an ass. But what I can do, is see what makes Annie awesome. She's driven. We need driven people or the lights go out and the ice cream melts. And Pierce. We need guys like Pierce. This guy has wisdom to offer. P The Dalai Lama and I— JEFF: We should listen to him sometime. We wouldn't regret it. And Shirley. Shirley has earned our respect, not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman. And don't test her on that, because that thing about the jukebox was way too specific to be improvised. And Troy. Who cares if Troy thinks he's all that? Maybe he is. You think astronauts go to the moon because 76 they hate oxygen? No, they're trying to impress their high school's prom king. And Abed. Abed's a shaman. You ask him to pass the salt he gives you a bowl of soup, because you know what? Soup is better. Abed is better. You are all better than you think you are. You are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself. PIERCE: Soup? JEFF: I want you to look to the person to your left. Sorry. Look at the person sitting next to you. SHIRLEY: Look at her? Okay. TROY: This? JEFF: Yeah. I want you to extend to that person the same compassion that you extend to sharks, pencils, and Ben Affleck. I want you to say to that person, "I forgive you." – EVERYONE: I forgive you. JEFF: Pierce, I'd like you to say, "I forgive you. " SHIRLEY: He didn't say it? JEFF: You've just stopped being a study group. You have become something unstoppable. I hereby pronounce you a community. SHIRLEY: Oh, that's nice. I like that. ABED This isn't like Breakfast Club anymore. Now it's like Stripes or Meatballs. Anything with Bill Murray, really. JEFF: I agree with Abed that tonight has been very special. And now, if you'll excuse me I have a dinner engagement with Britta. - Britta? BRITTA I lied. Thanks for calming everyone down. But since you're not a Spanish tutor just a lying creep who purposely upset everyone in an attempt to get with me, I'd appreciate it if you left and stopped wasting all of our time. Everybody ready? JEFF: Fine. And I'm happy to report that one of the benefits of being a lying creep is having all the answers to tomorrow's test. And I'm happy to share them with anyone whose time I've wasted more than they've wasted mine. PIERCE: Uh, Jeff, if you have all the answers why the hell did you start this study group? JEFF: I don't have a study group, Pierce. I made it up. Annie What about the "look left" speech? JEFF: Made it up. That's what I do. I make things up and I got paid a lot of money to do it before I came to this school-shaped toilet. I was a lawyer. 77 EVERYONE Oh, God. That explains everything. ABED You know, I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films. (- Yeah? - Yeah.) JEFF: Well, you have Asperger's. TROY: "Ass burger. Annie - It's a serious disorder. It really is. PIERCE: If it's so serious, why don't they call it meningitis? Yeah. "Ass burger. TROY: - Burger for your ass. ________________________________________________ DUNCAN: Jeffrey, before you say anything you may want to think about the gift you've been given. JEFF: An excuse to punch a hippy? DUNCAN: No. No, not that. An important lesson, my friend. You see, the tools you acquired to survive out there will not help you here at Greendale. What you have, my friend, is a second chance at an honest life. JEFF: Why are people trying to teach me things at a school that has an express tuition aisle? Give me my keys. DUNCAN: No, I have to keep the car for the lesson-- the less-- Don't hit me. Please, don't hit me. Jeffrey? Jeffrey, are we cool? Are we cool? We cool. _________________________________________ PIERCE: I like you, Jeffrey. You remind me of myself at your age. JEFF: I deserve that. PIERCE: You know I've been divorced seven times. Sometimes I think I'm doing something wrong. JEFF: You keep getting married. PIERCE: I never looked at it that way. JEFF: Shouldn't you guys be studying? TROY: Yeah, things got kind of boring after you left. Let me ask you something. People been clowning me about this jacket since I got here, but if I take it off to make them happy, that just makes me weak, right? JEFF: Listen. It doesn't matter. You lose the jacket to please them. You keep it to piss them off. Either way, it's for them. That's what's weak. TROY: Wow. You just wrinkled my brain, man. PIERCE: He's good, isn't he? TROY: He's real good. BRITTA Shouldn't you be rolling around on a bed covered in test answers? JEFF: I don't have any of the answers. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna flunk the test. TROY: You just, like, study for, like, an hour. It's not that hard. You seem pretty smart. You 78 got a sports coat. JEFF: Well, me. Funny thing about being smart is that you can get through most of life without ever having to do any work. So, uh I'm not really sure how to do that. ABED What's going on? Can you guys hear me? Am I deaf? - Can you hear me talking right now? Yes? – EVERYONE Yes. ABED That's good. BRITTA You know what? Jeff, actually, we didn't get that far without you so if you want to come back upstairs. JEFF: Really? BRITTA Well, it is your study group, so. SHIRLEY: Come on, let's study. PIERCE: Sounds good. TROY: No pressure. ABED I'm sorry I called you Michael Douglas and I see your value now. JEFF: Well, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 79 8. Transcript Episode 2 DEAN PELTON: Good afternoon, Greendale community college. I am your dean with a few corrections to the fall class catalogue. Cosmology should be cosmetology, astrology should be astronomy, and the students on the cover should be smiling, but I guess that's a matter of opinion. to whoever is growing the patch of cannabis behind the gymnasium, congratulations. You have won a cruise. Report to security to claim your tickets. In order to increase awareness of homelessness, security has been given binoculars. In campus news, the debate over our library's PA system continues with some students suggesting its volume be lowered, while others question its very purpose. More on that story as it unfolds. TROY: - That dude makes a lot of announcements. ABED: - I like it, it makes every ten minutes feel like the start of a new scene of a tv show. of course, the illusion only lasts until someone says something they'd never say on tv like how much their life is like tv. There, it's gone. ANNIE: I guess Jeff's running late again. BRITTA: What a shame. We should get started. SHIRLEY: We should wait for Jeff before we start studying. ANNIE: when Jeff gets here, we could talk to him as a group about his tardiness. PIERCE: Don't use that word around Abed. if you want me to have a chat with Jeff, I'd be happy to do it. We've got a bond going, kind of. Sorta like brothers. TROY: I hope your mom didn’t make you take baths together 'cause one of you would've been 30. 80 PIERCE: That's funny. Jeff probably comes late so he does not have to sit through your tardiness. Sorry. BRITTA: Will you have some self-respect? You're obsessing over someone who does not give you a second thought. Meanwhile in Guatamala, journalist are killed by their own government. SHIRLEY: Sweetie,you jumped a column. What's happening there? BRITTA: - Nothing. ANNIE: - Journalists are being murdered? BRITTA: Believe me, every day in that country, people are being killed for speaking out. The worst part of it is when it's over ABED: - Spoilers. BRITTA: it seems like it never even happened. Abed, real stories, they don't have spoilers. You understand that tv and life are different, right? JEFF: ANNIE: JEFF: SHIRLEY: JEFF: PIERCE: - Milady. - Milord. - Baby. - Sweetie. Vitamin P. - Morning, Jeffrey. People were jazzed to see me too. - Word 'em up. - Word 'em everywhere. - Good entrance. - That was for you. TROY: JEFF: ABED: JEFF: 81 BRITTA: Everyone: There's something the group would like to talk to you about . Actually, there's nothing BRITTA: If you're gonna study with people, it would be nice of you to show up on time. JEFF: Were you waiting? Because the first fifteen minutes you usually talk about your personal lives and your cool emotional problems. I always feel like I never have anything to offer. Truth is my life is emptier than this three-ring binder. Annie, do you have any Spanish notes that might fit in there? Doublespaced. Thank you. What's a guy got to do to get a C around here? JEFF: first impression. You know what today is? The two-week anniversary of my horrible BRITTA: - There's a card for that? JEFF: - Not specifically, but if you think of grandsons as a metaphor for friendship, you'll agree with this transformer here that it's time for ours to become a man. By reading from the Torah. BRITTA: You do nothing to me cause a life full of ups and downs has given me douche-ray vision, but those are good people in there, and they trust and respect you. Watching you exploit them bums me out. JEFF: - Exploit them? They're my friends. ABED: - You want me to bring your car around? JEFF: I don't want you to bring my car around. I'll bring yours around, good guy. You get going, all right. BRITTA: You're cute, but selfish and narcissistic to the point of near delusion. JEFF: She said I was cute. PIERCE: Tell you what, you take her. I have less to prove. You can't pursue people so desperately. 82 It starts to creep them out. Why don't we go get a beer? I'll give you some advice, and we can have what the kids calls a sausage fest. JEFF: I'm not much of a sausage guy. PIERCE: Maybe next time. Next time, then. ANNIE: - Will you tell us more about Guatemala? SHIRLEY: - I never went to a real college. BRITTA: You should discover that stuff on your own. ANNIE: But we need your help. We've been living on the wrong side of the looking glass. You're like Jodie Foster or Susan Sarandon. You’d rather keep it real than be likeable. SHIRLEY: Can you at least tell us what to google? BRITTA: You could start with this journalist Chacata-Panecos. He wrote an article critical of the government, and they killed him. ANNIE: - That's horrible. SHIRLEY: - Can we have a protest ANNIE: - We could have a candlelight vigil - like lesbians have on the news. SHIRLEY: - I could make brownies. BRITTA: Brownies? SEÑOR CHANG: Every once in a while, a student come up to me and asks, "Señor Chang, why do you teach Spanish?" They say it just like that. "Why do you teach Spanish?" "Why you?" Why not math? Why not photography? Why not martial arts? I mean, surely it must be in my nature to instruct you in something that's ancient and secret like building a wall that you can see from outer space. I'll tell you why I teach Spanish. It is none of your business, okay? Now, I don't want to have any conversations about what a mysterious and inscrutable man I am. I am a Spanish genius! In español, my nickname is "El tigre chino"! 83 'Cause my knowledge will bite her face off! So don't question señor Chang or you'll get bit. Ya bit. Ya bit! Friday mañana, we'll have conversations with the rest of the class using some of the phrases we learned in unit one. You'll be partnering up in pairs of dos. If you look under your desk, you'll find a card with either a picture or a word on it. For ejemplo, blondie aqui has a card with a picture of a house on it. So that means the person with the card with the word casa on it is her partner. Comprende, Star-burns? See you Friday. Find your partners. Have a great day. What do we say at the end of every class? Come on, hands, 90% of Spanish. JEFF: You want to trade cards? I'll give you 20 bucks. - 50 bucks. ABED: - I don't want your money. I want your shirt. JEFF: - What? ABED: I’ve had my eye on it since the first day. JEFF: - Fine. Give me your card. ABED: - I want to wear it out of here. JEFF: What are the odds? BRITTA: Are you sure you didn't adjust the odds? I know Abed's been eyeing that shirt for three weeks. It's almost like you gave it to him so he would switch cards. JEFF: I gave Abed my shirt because I'm not selfish, as you will discover while we are working on this. Tomorrow night? Dinner, drinks. BRITTA: I think that's something we should discuss with our partners. See, I did switch cards. 84 PIERCE: Can you believe this? What are the odds? That's a nice shirt. Want to sell it? PIERCE: What's the moist towelette industry like? Believe me, it's nothing like the product. It's a hard, dry, large business. Destroyed all my marriages. It didn't help I can't have children. I'm not sterile. In fact, it's a rare condition they call "hyper-virility". Apparently my sperm shoots through the egg like bullets. - Can you believe that? JEFF: - I can't. But you can, so that's fine. The assignment is to write a Spanish conversation using those five phrases. PIERCE: JEFF: Hemingway's lemonade. - No need to make it a long evening – PIERCE: Am I a piece of garbage to you? JEFF: What? PIERCE: Got ya. Let's have one drink before we work. To the "empowerage" of words. JEFF: To the irony of that sentence. PIERCE: So what's up with you, Jeffrey? Seems like you got a burr up your ass. JEFF: I guess that it's - It's Britta. PIERCE: - Forget her. You just have to know her name. What is she, a water filter? She's ugly. JEFF: - Why don't we start with me saying 85 PIERCE: - What are you doing? JEFF: Our assignment. PIERCE: This is the first time people'll see Winger and Hawthorne together. We need to show them we're a force to be reckoned with. Come on, let's brainstorm some story ideas. Better yet, before we do that, let's ask ourselves - What is a story? SHIRLEY: if you like that brownie, you'll hate what's up on in Guatemala. Google it. Raise the truth. Once it gets dark, I hand out the candles and we do a speechless protest. We put tape over our mouths, and gather hand-in-hand in a sea of outraged silence. ANNIE: - What has gotten into you? BRITTA: SHIRLEY: - This ain't how you do this. We know it's not how you do it cause we're doing everything. BRITTA: But this is tacky and lame. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. What I meant to say is that this cause is really personal to me. ANNIE: Are you saying that we're not allowed to protest? - You sound like Guatemala. SHIRLEY: - Somebody has a case of "likes to use French politics to make themselves special, "but doesn't actually ever want to do anything-itis. BRITTA: I do things. I don't do anything. What can I do? ANNIE: BRITTA: You hang the Chacata-Panecos piñata. You guys realise he was beaten to death, right? 86 SHIRLEY: ANNIE: That's where we got the idea from. Poignant. PIERCE: - Tell me what I've got so far. JEFF: - What we have so far? We have something incredibly long, and very confusing, and a little homophobic. And really, really, specifically, surprisingly, and gratuitously critical of Israel. It's called "two conquistadors", should probably be "dos". I mean, it is a Spanish class. Which reminds me, the only thing not included in this are the five phrases required to get me a passing grade. PIERCE: You're right. Needs more work. ABED: - What're you guys doing? JEFF: TROY: PIERCE: - I have no idea. - We are heading to the demonstration. - Hippies? TROY: - Some cause Britta's into. ABED: - A silent protest. Lots of candles. Gets the ladies in the mood for social change if you know what I mean. - A chance to put miles on this shirt. JEFF: - Conversations are due in the morning. TROY: Right.What do you want to do? PIERCE: Hacks. What do we do about the ending of act two? JEFF: I’ll tell you what we're gonna do. We gonna take this, and we gonna put it in a museum for crazy people. Then we're gonna take this, and memorize five phrases from it tomorrow morning before class. - Good night. 87 PIERCE: - Wait a minute. You're bailing on our first sausage fest? This is your definition of friendship? JEFF: This is my definition of you trying way too hard, and me finding it harder and harder to stay polite. Now this was a fine enough way to spend an evening devoid of hope, but a woman I kind of like is out there caring about something stupid, and this is my chance to show her I care enough to act like I care too. PIERCE: - That's all you had to say. JEFF: - That was it? That would've been great if I had done that two hours ago! BRITTA: JEFF: Nice sign. I like what you've done with the place. BRITTA: I think I was a little too harsh on you. I'm not perfect. JEFF: I am. I'd be happy to show you the ropes. PIERCE: Awesome! Look at awesome Jeffrey Winger. Too awesome for old Pierce with your hip shirts, and your gelled hair, and your cool tape over your mouth. Why are you wearing tape over their mouth? JEFF: It's a protest. PIERCE: Good. Cause I know what I'd like to protest How much you hurt me. ABED: Conflicts like these will ultimately bring us together as an unlikely family. TROY: - You have horrible breath right now. 88 PIERCE: - You constantly blow me off, you want me to do your homework, you tell me I'm trying too hard to be your friend so you have to go. You have to come out here to pretend to care about the stupid stuff she cares about. - His words, not mine. JEFF: - He is paraphrasing. Pierce, I got an idea. Get a coffee, hold some waitress hostage with a monologue about your sperm. PIERCE: I'll show you some sperm, buddy. I'm not ready to die! JEFF: He's jumped in the fountain. He's fine. ANNIE: - Have you seen it? SHIRLEY: - We did it, girl Page three. Mostly about Pierce, but listen to last paragraph. "The incident occurred during a protest regarding events in Guatemala. " ANNIE: - Awareness! SHIRLEY: - It's not the school paper. It's a real paper, there's a marmaduke in there. BRITTA: It's more than I ever accomplished. You know about the ethnic cleansing in Burma? SHIRLEY: JEFF: I need to bust out brownie mix. Morning. BRITTA: I get it. Garfield's wishing me a happy Arbor Day, - you'd like a fresh start. JEFF: - Nice try. It's secretary's day, and it says I'm sorry about crashing your protest with that drunken, self-immolating baby boomer. 89 SHIRLEY: We don't blame you. He has always been on my watch list. TROY: That dude is crazy. He told me girls have two pee holes. ANNIE: I sang Christmas carols at a nursing home once. I've seen the face of dementia, and last night I saw it again. BRITTA: You know what he did that's really crazy? He offered me $100 to switch cards with him just so he could be partners with Jeff. He thought getting closer to Jeff would bring him respect in the group. I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself and he would trade it all for a shot at some kind of family. Señor Chang: Time for our presentations. First up was supposed to be Jeff and Pierce, but Pierce explained the situation. Apparently there was a falling out, things were said, people were betrayed. Jeff, having heard Pierce's side of the story, the only humane thing to do would be to give you a C and let him do his presentation alone, if that sounds fair to you. JEFF: That doesn't sound fair to me at all. I understand if you don't want to be my friend, but this thing we've created It is bigger than the both of us, and it deserves to be done right. Señor Chang: All right. Why are there costumes involved? These are short conversations, they're not supposed to take JEFF: - Your breath away? Well, tough. You ready, amigo? SEÑOR CHANG: F. F-minus. PIERCE: What? Did you say S? 90 BRITTA: That was one of the worst things I have ever seen, which I guess makes being a part of it a pretty selfless act, so I'm impressed. JEFF: How do you know I didn't do it just to get another shot at you? BRITTA: Cause a smart guy like you would know no woman would be able to look at you as a sexually viable candidate ever again. JEFF: No, I know. I thought of that. She looked back. PIERCE: You did an all right job up there, my friend.I’ve got a few remarks. You got this thing you do with your face when you're trying to be funny that forces people to think about how cool you think you are.