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Dr MargiAnne Isaia, MD MPH PCC-T
SET
Triangular Theory of Love
PART
8
THE TRIANGULAR
THEORY OF LOVE:
INTIMACY, PASSION
AND COMMITMENT
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love = the important
dimensions of a healthy romantic relationship are
intimacy, passion, and commitment.
They represent the emotional, motivational and
cognitive components of love relationships.
Intimacy is the feeling of closeness, connectedness
that one feels in a relationship.
Passion represents the drives that lead to romance,
physical attraction and sexual activity.
Commitment involves a decision to maintain that
relationship.
PASSION
THE TRIANGULAR
THEORY OF LOVE
AND ATTACHMENT
STYLES
Three types of attachment in infancy--secure, anxious, avoidant--may have important
implications for relationships later in life.
A body of research has found that attachment predicts successful and unsuccessful
relationships.
Secure attachment is associated with greater trust and commitment, greater intimacy,
greater self-confidence, better communication skills, and greater willingness for selfdisclosure
Anxious individuals engage in poorer coping techniques, perceive more conflict and
escalation of conflict in their relationships on a daily basis
Avoidant attachment is associated with being emotionally distant and distrusting the
partner and being less satisfied with the relationship.
THE TRIANGULAR
THEORY OF LOVE
AND ATTACHMENT
STYLES
Intimacy and commitment are the paths through which secure attachment can lead to
relationship satisfaction.
Intimacy and commitment may be relatively stable components whereas passion is
relatively unstable and can fluctuate unpredictably.
Passion may play a larger role in short term relationships and may be more dependent
on psycho physiological arousal than intimacy and commitment.
Passion may be more related to the sexual-behavior system contributing to attraction,
vitality and arousal within the relationship.
STERNBERG’S
TRIANGULAR
THEORY OF LOVE
These three components are seen in various combinations to evidence different types
of love. According to Sternberg, there are eight types of love formed through the
various combinations of the three components of love.
A relationship (whether romantic in nature, familial, or casual) may go through any or
all of these classifications of love.
In Sternberg's model, couples harmoniously complement each other if each person is
equally matched in levels of passion, intimacy, and commitment.
Relationships in which the couples are unequal in any component are largely
incompatible.
NON-LOVE
Non-love does not contain any component of love.
Non-love does not contain intimacy, passion, or commitment
Intimate partner violence (intimate terrorism)
NON LOVE
LIKING
Liking details a relationship based on intimacy, but not passion or
commitment. The characteristic of Liking is having close, intimate friendships
with no long-term commitment
LIKING
INFATUATION
Infatuation is a relationship based on passion, with no intimacy or commitment.
Infatuation is characterized by passionate attraction on sight.
PASSION
INFATUATE LOVE
EMPTY LOVE
Empty Love is a relationship based on commitment, lacking any intimacy or passion.
An example of Empty Love is a couple staying in a marriage or relationship for the
"sake of the children“; Empty Love is characterized by a lack of emotional warmth or
heat of passion, where partners tolerate each other because of a
false sense of duty, obligation or fear of change…
EMPTY LOVE
ROMANTIC LOVE
Romantic Love is a relationship based on passion and intimacy; however, it lacks
commitment. Romantic Love is characterized by a couple who are emotionally and
physically drawn to one another without the commitment of a long-term relationship.
Romantic lovers look at each other through "rose colored
glasses" not seeing each other's flaws.
PASSION
ROMANTIC LOVE
COMPANIONATE
LOVE
Companionate Love is based on intimacy and commitment without the wild fire
of passion. Companionate Love is characterized by a committed friendship
and shared intimacy;
An example of Companionate Love is a marriage whose
passion has dwindled.
COMPANIONATE LOVE
FATUOUS LOVE
Fatuous Love is based on passion and commitment, but
lacks intimacy.
Passion and commitment are combined before true
intimacy can develop.
Example: it could be a marriage commitment based on
passionate sex which over times loses its passionate
nature, and since the couple do not share intimate
conversations, goals, and dreams, the marriage is ended
when it is realized the couple are not a good match.
PASSION
FATUOUS LOVE
CONSUMMATE
LOVE
Consummate Love involves intimacy, commitment, and passion.
It is a complete Love when the partners are perfectly matched in passion,
intimacy, and commitment.
It is the ideal that most people try to achieve.
PASSION
CONSUMMATE LOVE
PATRIARCHAL
GENDER RULES –
PATRIARCHAL
RULES FOR MEN
Rule 1: Don’t act like girl
Rule 2: Keep your feelings to yourself (showing anger is acceptable).
Rule 3: Work is your first priority.
Rule 4: Be self-reliant.
Rule 5: Solve problems using aggression.
Rule 6: Be dominant.
Rule 7: Women are for sex.
Rule 8: Don’t be gay (and avoid emotional closeness with other men).
Care sunt rezultatele?
PATRIARCHAL
GENDER RULES –
CULTURE-BEARING
RULES FOR WOMEN
Rule 1: Perform but also minimize the value of “women’s work” and other human
activities and traits traditionally deemed feminine.
Rule 2: Read, predict, and manage the feelings and desires of boys and men.
Rule 3: Support men’s preoccupation with work by sacrificing your own goals and
dreams if necessary.
Rule 4: Support the illusion of men’s self-reliance while fashioning the illusion of
women’s dependency.
Rule 5: Accept men’s aggression, and go along with the story that men’s aggression
protects families.
Rule 6: Be submissive. Accept that the head of the household (or other social
organization) should rightfully be male.
Rule 7: Accept and promote sexual objectification of females.
Rule 8: Promote homophobia.
Care sunt rezultatele?
PARTNERSHIP
CODE
Rule 1: Nurture one another, and share family care giving activities such as child care.
Rule 2: Express and accept the expression of the full spectrum of feelings, not just
anger. Offer emotional openness and vulnerability.
Rule 3: Life is your first priority. Balance work against relationship priorities.
Rule 4: Collaborate. Recognize the limits of self-reliance and the value of
interdependence.
Rule 5: Solve problems using negotiation rather than aggression.
Rule 6: Share leadership.
Rule 7: Always recognize the humanity in your partner rather than objectifying them.
Rule 8: Value queer people and people across all dimensions of diversity. Work to
replace bias with social justice.
CLASSICAL AUTHOR
“God wants the home to be the happiest place on earth, the very symbol of
the home in heaven. Bearing the marriage responsibilities in the home,
linking their interests with Jesus Christ, leaning upon His arm and His
assurance, husband and wife may share happiness in this union that
angels of God commend.
EGW AH 102.2
FAMILY REFLECTION
How satisfied are you with this relationship?
How easy is it for you to talk to your partner about important issues?
How easy is it for you to talk to your partner about everyday issues?
How satisfied are you with the intimacy of your relationship?
How much do you think you are in a passionate relationship?
How much do you think you are in a committed relationship?
How much do you think your partner is committed to the relationship?
How likely do you think you will be in this relationship one year from now?
How much do you rely on your partner for stability in this relationship?
How easy was it for you to begin this relationship?
REFERENCES
Madey, S., F & Rodgers, L., The Effect of Attachment and Sternberg’s Triangular
Theory of Love on Relationship Satisfaction, Individual Differences Research 2009,
Vol. 7, No. 2, pp. 76-84
Hasserbrauck, M., Three-Dimensional Love, The Journal of Social Psychology,
1996, 131 (1), 121-122
Almeida, R. V., Dolan-Del Vecchio, K., Parker, L., Transformative Family Therapy,
Just Families in a Just Society (2008)
Nevid, J. S., & Rathus, S. A. Psychology and the challenges of life: Adjustment in
the new millennium 9th edition (2005)