IOP Topics
4A
Abie Epstein (HL)
D.Atkins (SL)
Anika Cooper (HL)
Dion Loke (SL)
Charlotte Van
Damme (HL)
Ragna (HL)
Anna (HL)
Akshay (HL)
Ashley (HL)
Karen (SL)
Janina (HL)
Jeffrey (SL)
Inaki (SL)
Marianne as a lens into the rest of the novel: story-telling
techniques etc
The evolution of Oedipus’s character: from man to
monster?
Morality in The Great Gatsby and TTTC (war vs social class
and their effect on morality)
The symbolism of the names in The Great Gatsby
Duffy’s collection The World’s Wife – focus to be decided
Storytelling in TTTC – with a focus on the use of point of
view
Truth in The Great Gatsby and The Things They Carried
Tragic characters in Oedipus and Gatsby
1) Monologue on TTC
2) Something on myth and Carol Ann Duffy
Comparing and contrasting Oedipus and Gatsby’s flaws
and how they bring about their own downfall
Dramatic Irony in Oedipus Rex
The characterization of Gatsby
Vengeful vs benevolent Gods – understanding Oedipus Rex
2A
Teddy
Ashley Dyer
Terrence
Brenda
Aileen (HL)
Lancelot (SL)
Spencer (SL)
Joel (HL)
Julien (SL)
Andrea
Bex
Charlotte (HL)
The significance of the Valley of the Ashes in the Great
Gatsby
‘Tulips’ by Sylvia Plath
An exploration of the emotional experiences of the war as
presented in The Things They Carried
An exploration of the role of the Oracles and fate in
Oedipus Rex (characterization, dramatic irony etc) and its
timeless qualities
Relationships in the TTTC – friendships – but needs
The role of the Chorus and the odes in Oedipus Rex
A comparison between Daisy and Gatsby’s romantic love
and Daisy and Tom’s marriage, and what it shows us about
the novel.
The corruption of the American Dream in The Great
Gatsby
The effect of Nick Carraway as narrator in The Great
Gatsby
Living A Lie – Oedipus and Gatsby
TTC through the lens of a Dylan poem
Fate and free will in Oedipus Rex
Feedback on written proposal
Rebecca Li
HL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
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Notes
This is a really intriguing idea. I like the way you’ve broken up the poem into
quotes which relate to a different death from the book, and that each allows you
to explore a different element of death. You’re right that you’re in danger of
going too far into the poem and not far enough into the book. To avoid this, keep
your focus on the poem as a lens through which to understand the presentation
of death in the book. Begin each section with a quote from the poem, and a
comment, then move quickly on to applying it to the book and explaining how it
helps you to understand it in more depth. Also, make sure you spend time on
O’Brien’s use of literary techniques, and do not only focus on his meditation on
death. For example, how does the point of view from which the stories about
death are told affect their meaning? Does it matter that they are not true?
Finally, a thought. Are you sure yours is the only interpretation of Dylan’s last
line? Couldn’t it also mean that from the witness or mourner’s point of view,
after the first death no other has as much impact? That we are numbed to
misery by over exposure to it? And don’t we see this in war, and in the book?
Detailed Outline
Bex
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
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Bex, you have developed your ideas on both the book and the poem but not
really in any organized way. You have no shortage of content or insight, which is
excellent, but now you have to shape it in a way that others can follow and
understand. One suggestion for structure would be the one I made last time. I
notice connections and similarities between the things you want to say about
death – for example guilt, religion, mourning, physicality etc – could you
structure your talk around these ideas? Then perhaps you could rewrite your
intro explaining where you’re going, and in your conclusion remind us how we
got there.
Feedback on written proposal
Spencer Gould
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
4/5
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Notes
Spencer, you’ve done the hardest part, which is to think of an interesting and
appropriate topic. But there’s a lot of work to do! I like the basic idea but you
haven’t developed it much since we talked. Have you read the pieces on
romanticism in the book which I suggested to you? You really need to develop
your ideas in more detail, making sure you can support all your assertions, and
then reorganize them more clearly.
 You need to develop your ideas about the format of your presentation
further.
 You mention that Gatsby attracts Daisy with his wealth – are you going to
suggest, then, that she is a mercenary character? What evidence from the
text will you use to support this? And does this undermine your central
argument that Daisy and Gatsby together represent true love? What
about the first time they are together, when Gatsby has nothing?
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Use plenty of evidence to support your ideas – clearly identify all your
points, and make sure each one is supported with evidence and then
developed in detail just as you would in a written essay.
Be careful of black and white statements such as ‘Daisy wanted money
and wealth.’ – characters in novels as complex as this are rarely so
straightforward. Isn’t there anything else she wants? And, has wealth
brought her happiness?
Organize your ideas more carefully. You call one section Daisy, but
actually it’s more about Gatsby.
You need to develop the ‘writing styles’ section in much more depth.
Use key terms (‘true love’ etc) carefully; define them wherever possible,
and try to make them as sophisticated as you can (for example words
such as idealism, pragmatic etc would be more appropriate for this
assignment).
Talk to Karen – she has some interesting ideas about Gatsby’s romantic
ideals and the green light.
Feedback on detailed outline
Spencer Gould
SL
2a
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
3/5
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Spencer, you’ve worked hard and this is much improved from your proposal,
well done. However, I’m disappointed that you haven’t followed up on some of
my suggestions, for example using more sophisticated language and reading
about ‘Romanticism’ from York Notes. I think Dion has this. Without doing this I
don’t think your presentation will have sufficient depth of analysis to score well.
Your first section on Daisy also needs more thought – for example, you don’t
mention Daisy and Gatsby’s previous relationship, when she rejected him
because he didn’t have enough money. If he has enough money now, and she
dislikes Tom, then why doesn’t she leave Tom for him?
Finally, your thesis is still more descriptive than analytical – it lists the
techniques rather than gets to the heart of the reason why Fitzgerald presents
these two relationships so differently. If you can do this – find some meaningful
connection – your presentation will feel much more purposeful.
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Your introduction and thesis have good ideas, but they need rewriting in a
more formal and coherent style.
The section on writing styles is still very vague, be careful when you
develop this that you use specific language terms and examples, and don’t
just say the language is ‘more romantic.’
Feedback on written proposal
Akshay Verma
HL
4A
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
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Notes
Akshay, I like this topic a lot and your ideas about different sections are good.
When we talked, I thought you were going to make it a focus how they fulfill the
definition of tragic hero. I think this is a good point of connection, and you
should increase your focus on this by defining the tragic hero in your
introduction (briefly) and being sure to mention that you are comparing them as
two tragic heroes in your title, and make this a focus of your thesis.
A word of warning – make sure you don’t end up with a plot summary
comparison. Make every point analytical by exploring a literary element (plot
STRUCTURE, point of view etc) and HOW each writer makes the
reader/audience care about the characters. Also, be sure to show an awareness
of the difference in genre between the two texts. Good luck!
Feedback on detailed outline
Akshay
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
3/5
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3/5
Good development of your original ideas. I still don’t see a detailed analysis of
plot structure, which I think would be interesting, and you need quotes to back
up your ideas as well as reference to events. Also, I still don’t see an awareness
of the difference in genre between the two texts. The biggest issue is your thesis
– it’s solid but it’s not exceptional – could you possibly connect it with a deeper
insight rather than have it just describing the connection?
Julien
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
5/5
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Notes
A good overview of your topic, and I think this is going to be an interesting
presentation. As you’re working though, you will need to add more depth of
analysis to your presentation. Reading the York Notes should help a lot (don’t
forget to acknowledge it) but in addition, some points you might like to consider
are:
 What is the effect overall on the reader of using Nick to relate the book?
How does it affect how believable the story is, and how we feel about the
characters?
 Does Nick as a narrator organize and interpret events in a way which
helps us to understand the themes of the book, such as the distortion of
the American Dream, or the function of the novel as a social satire?
 Nick seems to be both enchanted and repelled by Gatsby and his lifestyle
– why is this and how does it affect the book?
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Chapters 6 & 8 are especially significant for examining Nick’s narrative
style – he is definitely consciously crafting events into a story – what is
the effect of this?
Chapter 9 is also important – what does Nick’s behaviour after Gatsby’s
death show us about him as a man?
Feedback on detailed outline
Julien
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
3/5
4/5
5/5
5/5
4/5
Julien, you have developed most of your points well, although many need more
detailed quotes/evidence, and your introduction is good. However, you’re still
on the surface here – I don’t get the impression you’ve read any more about the
book or thought about the questions I suggested last time. So, for your reference,
they’re below again – if you want to get high points for analysis you really need
to dig deeper into the text. Don’t talk about Nick as if he were a real man – talk
about his as someone Fitzgerald invented to tell Gatsby’s story. WHY??
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What is the effect overall on the reader of using Nick to relate the book?
How does it affect how believable the story is, and how we feel about the
characters?
Does Nick as a narrator organize and interpret events in a way which
helps us to understand the themes of the book, such as the distortion of
the American Dream, or the function of the novel as a social satire?
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Nick seems to be both enchanted and repelled by Gatsby and his lifestyle
– why is this and how does it affect the book?
Chapters 6 & 8 are especially significant for examining Nick’s narrative
style – he is definitely consciously crafting events into a story – what is
the effect of this?
Chapter 9 is also important – what does Nick’s behaviour after Gatsby’s
death show us about him as a man?
Feedback on written proposal
Dylan
SL
4a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
5/5
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Notes
A good start! You’re right, much more detail is needed (see my notes for some
suggestions) but this is a good topic and you’re headed in the right direction.
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I think it would be more relevant to begin with an intro on the Greek idea
of tragedy as a genre than he mythology behind the play – then you can
link it more easily into your thesis
Para 2 – in Oedipus’s benevolence, do we see any other characters react
to him in a way which supports this good first impression? What role
does the chorus play?
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Para 3 – take your time looking at Oedipus’s gradual fall. Take it scene by
scene, or flaw by flaw, to make sure you are supporting and developing
each point carefully. Again, what role does the chorus play here in
helping us to understand his change in fortune, and making it even more
full of pathos?
Para 4 – look at his language – he is calm and dignified again instead of
ranting in the scene with T. He has found the truth, so in spite of his
misery his obsessive need to know is gone. He accedes power to Creon
(although not without difficulty). His scene with his children has great
emotional impact.
Don’t forget fate in your analysis, as well as dramatic irony.
Also, consider the plot structure in terms of the rise and fall of character –
anagnorisis etc in terms of moments of realization are very important.
In terms of structure, you may want to integrate your analysis as you go
rather than having it in one section at the end. This would be more
sophisticated, and ensure you avoid too much time describing events
without analyzing them.
Detailed Outline
Dylan
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
4/5
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Dylan, lots of good stuff here but not a huge amount of development from last
time. You’ve taken on board some of my suggestions but not all, so please look at
the feedback from the proposal again and keep it in mind as you’re rewriting. I
think this will be really good and you’re certainly going in the right direction but
it does need more detail and exemplification in places. It also needs a little
trimming – when you’re talking about the context you only need to mention
what’s relevant to your thesis.
Finally, your introduction needs to tell us where your speech is going – what
you’re going to talk about. In speeches, if you don’t do this the audience will lose
track of your ideas.
Feedback on written proposal
Anika – Miller Cooper
HL
4a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
5/5
5/5
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Notes
Wow! Great job. There’s a lot of detail and thought here, I think you’ll do really
well. There’s great potential here for really exploring the ‘big picture’ view of
what purpose literature serves in society. Just be sure to analyze literary
elements such as theme, characterization, symbols and diction in order to
explain HOW the writers convey this sense of decayed morality. It’s interesting
to me that both writers choose a narrative style and point of view which would
allow them to make out-and-out criticisms, yet they rarely do. Or do they? How
much is left to the reader to infer? Just a thought. Anyway, well done. Just a few
final thoughts on Gatsby:
 The prohibition is never mentioned, let alone bother them!
 Everyone has a price in Gatsby….it’s disturbing how low Myrtle’s is!
 They party on Sundays
Annika
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
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Annika, there’s much more detail here, well done. You have more than enough
material – what you need to do now is clarify your thesis and build a
presentation around it, perhaps linking ideas about the two texts and structuring
it that way, then leading to an interesting conclusion. I was hoping to see the full
introduction in this one.
Feedback on written proposal
Connie Wang
SL
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
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Notes
This is a HUGE topic, Connie! I love the link between her personal life and use of
allusions as a focus, but I don’t think including all the ideas/poems you mention
is feasible in a way which will allow you to pause for in-depth literary analysis of
one or two texts, which will allow you to do better. I’m glad you’ve done lots of
reading and found so much of interest, but we’ll need to narrow it down. Here
are some suggestions for doing that:
 Focus on allusions in two or three poems and how they contribute to the
development of meaning and tone
 Focus on allusions, explaining how an understanding of her personal life
can help the reader to understand her poetry in more detail, in two or
three poems
 Focus on a close analysis of one poem in which the focus is Plath’s use of
allusion, making reference to other poems to back up your main points
about this central one.
You’ll notice I’m guiding you away from too much on her personal life. That’s
because it’s so easy for a presentation to become superficial – we cannot possibly
know the real and full influence of Plath’s personal life, and making assumptions
can lead to misinterpretations. If you were to focus too much on that it would
become more like a research paper and less a literary analysis, I think.
Lots of potential here – in fact enough for an extended essay! Trim it back and
you’ll do fine.
Connie
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
3/5
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Connie, I’m glad you’ve narrowed your topic to these two poems and your
introduction shows a mature awareness of the debate surrounding the influence
of her personal life. However, I was hoping to see more on the individual poems
– there seems to be less material here than in your proposal! Although I told you
to trim it back, I was hoping for a conclusion and more development of ideas.
Were you under time pressure?
Feedback on written proposal
Inaki SL
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
2/5
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Notes
Inaki, I have to be blunt here – this is not what we talked about! I said you
needed to move away from comparing religions to looking at the effect of
religious observance and understanding on the play, but your focus has moved
away from rather than towards the play. This topic has so much potential to be
interesting and relevant, but you have to make a switch in your brain. Your
presentation has to be about the Greeks’ beliefs, how these are reflected in the
play, and how an understanding of them helps us to understand the themes of
the text and what happens to Oedipus. Your outline needs to be much more –
Gods + Oedipus, Gods + fate, Gods + etc etc. You can REFER to the OT and
Christianity only to show how a modern audience may have trouble
understanding the play because their understanding of God is benevolent and
forgiving. Please read the relevant sections of the Bloom’s guide and the play
again, and resubmit this assignment in a week. Don’t worry! We have lots of
time to get it right, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I let you go in this direction.
 You need to take the Old Testament reference out of your title – it’s
essential you keep the focus on Gods and how they are understood in
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Oedipus. You can only refer to the Old Testament as a point of
comparison.
You don’t want to show how different religions are linked!! You need to
show how an understanding of the Greek Gods and the Greeks’ view of
religion affects our understanding of the play.
Feedback on written proposal
Inaki SL
Redo
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
4/5
5/5
5/5
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Much better! I feel confident you can take this forward successfully. Well done.
Detailed Outline
Inaki
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
4/5
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Inaki, I’m so happy to see you have the ‘big picture’ sorted out – and you know
what you need to do now is to develop your ideas with more details and into
order. What will you save for your conclusion? I like it that you have an original
and arguable thesis which will give coherence and a sense of purpose to your
presentation.
Feedback on written proposal
Karen Chik
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
4/5
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Notes
Good job! This looks really interesting. Make sure as you develop your
presentation you back up all your points with evidence and in detail. I think you
may find you’ll need to trim it down a little when you do this. I wonder if in your
introduction you’ll be able to address why and how the authors construct their
characters in this way, and come to some cool insights about how literature
works?! Good luck!
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Oedipus is a play; Gatsby is a novel. Please show an awareness of this
difference in genre in your analysis and presentation – one is meant to be
read, the other performed; one has a reader, the other an audience.
Be wary of the term ‘tragic flaw’ – it’s overused and misunderstood. It
would be better either to use simply ‘flaw’ or at least include an analysis
of the term and what you mean by it, perhaps with reference to the Greek
term ‘hamartia’.
Karen
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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Karen, I really like the way you have focused on HOW the writers achieve their
effects, as well as what these are and what effect they have on the reader. I do
think you should address what makes a good piece of literature – then you can
make connections between the two characters and the books in terms of what
function they serve – why do we like to read about these kinds of characters and
their downfall? A bit more research into the psychology of tragedy might give
you some interesting insighs.
Feedback on written proposal
Dion
SL
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
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Notes
Dion, I like your ideas and organization here. I especially like it that in your
introduction you mention how the names relate to the social satire in the book,
and that they connect with other messages and symbols. You might also want to
think about how making the names so symbolic fits in with Fitzgerald’s writing
style and narrative technique in the whole novel. These are the aspects you need
to develop in more detail as you write your presentation, making sure that it
doesn’t become a superficial list of names and their meanings. If you can avoid
this, I think you will do very well.
Dion
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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I really like the way your thesis links names and the meaning of the novel, and
your comments on the style of the book in the foreword are interesting. How
does the foreword fit into your presentation? Is it a part of your introduction?
Also, your concluding comments are excellent – insightful and detailed. Now all
you need to do is link the ideas together and organize them properly – avoid
overlap in the body of your presentation by combining ideas on the etymology
and symbolism for each character, perhaps. Good work, Dion.
Feedback on written proposal
Anna Kargl
HL
4A
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
5/5
5/5
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Notes
A detailed and thoughtful outline which leaves me with every confidence that
your presentation will be interesting and insightful. I look forward to seeing
how you draw together the ideas about emotional truth in both books in your
conclusion – perhaps you will be able to offer some insight into the functions that
literature serves within society, about why writers write, and why we read.
Anna
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
2/5
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Anna, how come this seems less detailed than your proposal? The intro needed
to be in full; these bullet points are really too brief for me to see any
development here.
Feedback on written proposal
Charlotte Van Damme
HL
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
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Notes
Charlotte, this sounds interesting and has potential, and I look forward to seeing
your ideas developed in more detail. I’m intrigued to know how rhyme and
rhythm specifically will tie in with feminism! We haven’t done much on rhythm
and how it works, so if you want extra help checking your analysis of the meter
prior to your IOP please make an appointment with me one lunchtime. I’d also
like to know which other poem you’ll be examining as soon as possible.
Charlotte
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
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Charlotte, you’ve clearly done quite a lot of work analyzing the poems and I’m
really proud of you by doing something that needs such a lot of independent
analysis. Well done. However, you also have a long way to go. This outline lists
ideas rather than organizes them, and you need to make more explicit
connections and links between the poems. You need to decide what order you’re
presenting the information in. I’m also disappointed not to have a full
introduction to read. If your thesis is about rhyme and rhythm you’ll really have
to go into a lot more detail than you have done so far. You can do it – but it will
need time and applied effort!!
Feedback on written proposal
Ragna
HL
4A
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
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Notes
A good start Ragna, and some nice ideas here. Some points to bear in mind as you
continue working:
 When you discuss point of view, you might want to also consider the
dialogue in the novel; the change in diction when the soldiers speak to
each other is important
 When you analyze storyline do bear in mind the order in which the
stories are told, how the novel varies from traditional/chronological plot
structure, and the effect of this on the concept of truth. Doesn’t O’Brien
tend to present an event to us as if it’s true, and then undercut our belief
in it later? Why? Remember most of the short stories were published
independently before being collected here.
 I think omitting a discussion of story truth vs happening truth would be
an odd choice if looking at this topic
 I also think an awareness of metafiction/postmodernism and their
influence on this style of story telling would add some literary depth.
Ragna
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
4/5
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
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Ragna, your ideas are developing well here – I like the quotes about the book and
the comments on metafiction add depth and interest. You’re going in the right
direction. However, it needs to be more cohesive (your ideas seem a little
isolated) and I’d like to see you develop a more argumentative thesis to tie them
together. Also, there’s still nothing on the structure and I think that’s a really
important element.
Feedback on written proposal
Jeffrey Chen
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
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Notes
Jeffrey, I’m afraid your ideas still seem very confused and vague to me. I don’t
understand the relevance of your references to Sherlock Holmes and Macbeth,
who have nothing to do with your presentation. Let’s talk again and then you
can redo this.
Feedback on written proposal
Jeffrey Chen - REDO
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
3/5
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Notes
Much better. I look forward to your detailed outline tomorrow.
Detailed Outline
Jeffrey
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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Much better – it’s really encouraging to see that you have thought about all the
different aspects of characterization and have applied them to Gatsby so well.
It’s clear that you can do the work with just a little help and a lot of effort and
focus. Please try in future to ask for help when you need it, and maintain your
effort and focus.
Now we need to organize the ideas, particularly the introduction, and make sure
they are focused around a persuasive thesis. As you’re writing the final,
remember it’s a speech and think about how you can include the audience and if
you plan to use a powerpoint.
Feedback on written proposal
Brenda
HL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
Notes
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I like the way you’ve narrowed it down to a focus on the oracles and dramatic
irony. Most of your ideas so far seem to be based on how the oracles influence
plot development and characterization. You might also want to consider looking
at the theme of fate and destiny, since this is influenced by the Gods (whose
mouthpiece, after all, the oracles are) and deeply affects our understanding of
the play and the impact of the dramatic irony.
Brenda
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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This is much better – clearly you’re more interested in this topic and you’re
developing your ideas well.
However, I want you to pause for thought. Do you think your assertion that the
characters are totally unsympathetic and deserve punishment could be biased by
your youth and your own moral code? If they were that unappealing the book
wouldn’t have endured; we’d be glad to see Gatsby get shot yet we (the majority
of readers, if not you!!) are NOT glad. Why? What is it about our own humanity
that these characters reveal to us?
Feedback on written proposal
Joel Lee
HL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
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Notes
Good job Joel, this looks focused and with lots of potential for detailed analysis.
You may find you have time for looking at the cars as symbols as well, and
perhaps one other aspect of the novel besides characterization and symbolism.
Something more unusual or unexpected perhaps? The ‘Gilded-Age’ idea is
different, but it would make your presentation stand out more if you could add a
few more creative insights. Good luck!
Joel
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
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Joel, you’ve done a great job of fleshing out your original insights here but I don’t
see anything new, so I’ve reprinted my previous comments. You are heading
towards a good presentation, there’s no doubt about that – but I know you have
an excellent one in you.
Feedback on written proposal
Ashley Dyer
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
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Notes
A very good start and a nice choice of poem. It’s pretty straightforward to
understand but it has complexity in the water and flower imagery that you note.
You should also look at its structure and sound effects, and how these work
together with other aspects to create the melancholy yet peaceful tone.
Regarding the biographical information, it’s probable enough to mention that she
suffered from depression and had just had a miscarriage. If you want to include
more put it as notes with the poem; keep your talk focused on analyzing the text.
I look forward to it!
Ashley
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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Excellent work and you’re nearly there, but you do need to add a section on the
sound/tone of the poem. Assonance is especially important. I look forward to
seeing an interesting use of powerpoint. Look for a recording of the poem if you
can.
Feedback on written proposal
Aileen
HL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
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Notes
A very good start and some interesting ideas. The two omissions that stand out
to me are these:
 The masculine nature of the relationships. Given the absence of women
almost entirely, we see a very male version of friendship in which
relationships are built through shared experiences, joking banter,
and……????
 A clear thesis. Make sure you have one before you start that unifies your
ideas and gives a sense of purpose to the structure of your presentation.
Otherwise it looks great, and I look forward to seeing it.
Aileen
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
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Aileen, you’ve developed your ideas well but I’m a little concerned about the
analytical side. You seem to be going more and more towards talking about
themes, and as if the characters were real which is okay up to a point – but what
literary techniques are you going to develop? We’ll talk on Tuesday and I’ll help
you refocus just a little.


If you are organizing the talk by three emotions these should be at least
mentioned in your intro/thesis so that listeners can follow your talk
comfortably
Your intro and thesis have become a little dense/hard to understand –
let’s try and unravel them just a little
Feedback on written proposal
Teddy
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
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Notes
A good start and I do like the topic, but I’m a little concerned that I don’t see
much development beyond what we discussed in class – although I like your idea
of how the geography of the novel represents the social state of the US as a
whole. I think that in order to go into enough depth you will have to develop
these ideas significantly, as well as perhaps add more points. What about the
influence of T.S. Eliot’s poem? This is important and an analysis of some of the
connections and allusions would add literary depth and something new.
p.s. Be sure to proofread your script/notes carefully to ensure grammatical
accuracy. p.p.s. Lots of pictures and maps are needed for this one!
Teddy
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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Teddy, I’m glad you’ve taken a look at The Wasteland and you’ve made some
interesting connections, but you need to deepen your conclusions based on the
comparison. Saying readers can get inspired is vague and imprecise. Overall,
good details and interesting ideas, but do pay attention to the points below as
well as tidying up your language accuracy.



We need to rephrase your thesis so the ideas are more clear – the
wording needs some adjusting.
Don’t assume the colour yellow means hope. And did you look up the
word contiguous?
In general, your comments on George need more thoughtful development.
Feedback on written proposal
Charlotte Moeyens
HL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
5/5
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Notes
Very impressive analysis of the rubric! Well done. I like the idea of exploring
two sides of the argument – this will give a creative edge to your presentation
without being too risky. It might be interesting to consider which viewpoint a
Greek audience would most likely have agreed with, and which one a modern
audience would gravitate towards – or is it an individual choice likely to vary
between people at both times? Also, it might be interesting to consider in your
conclusion if the difficulty of deciding between the two perspectives is one of the
things which makes the play so appealing and interesting. I’d like to see a much
more detailed outline next time, but I don’t have any concerns, it looks as if
you’re heading in the right direction. Work hard!
Detailed Outline
Charlotte
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
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Charlotte, this is good work. You’re really thinking of this as a speech rather than
an essay, and I think that will make it much more interesting. The quotes you
have found add depth and support. It’s like a debate with yourself, which I think
will work well. Don’t forget to refer to the text as a PLAY (not a Book). In terms
of next steps, your thesis needs rewriting – the language is not very clear – and
obviously you need more detail in your conclusion.
Feedback on written proposal
Terrence Chu
HL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
Notes
4/5
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Terrence, I like the idea that your opening will be different – it’s gutsy! Please
have a student role play the response with you though – I’d love to be involved
but I’ll be busy grading you! Regarding the rest of your presentation, it looks
good, but I have a couple of points to consider:
 Be sure to differentiate between the emotions which the characters feel
and the emotions which the reader feels;
 Try to use sophisticated vocabulary (ie avoid simple terms like
happy/sad);
 You mention in passing words such as ‘syntax’, ‘dramatic irony’, ‘diction’
and ‘suspense’ – these literary terms should be examined in close detail to
ensure you’re talking about HOW these emotions are conveyed and
evoked by the writer – otherwise you won’t do well in band B;
 Your main idea still needs summarizing in a coherent thesis, and you
might wish to do this before you begin developing your ideas in detail.
Good luck!
Terrence
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
5/5
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To answer your first question, I LOVE how you’ve developed your introduction.
It’s clear, effective and dramatic. You should be very happy with it. To answer
your second question, I think you’ve done an okay job of relating the emotions to
the literary techniques. What you need to do now is link the emotions to your
thesis – they seem right now to be isolated, unconnected to each other and to
your thesis. In speaking in particular it’s especially important to make explicit
connections between ideas so that the audience can follow your argument.
Feedback on written proposal
Lancelot Ho
SL
2a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
5/5
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Notes
Lancelot, I think this has a lot of potential for good grades. The idea is focused,
relevant, analytical, and interesting. Now all you have to do is develop each point
in detail, with plenty of support from the text, find a thesis to tie it all together,
and come to an interesting conclusion. Good luck!
 In what ways does Sophocles utilize the chorus that made him different
from other authors of the time? Can we consider him innovative?
 You still need to formalize your main ideas into a coherent and
sophisticated thesis.
 You may want to look at dvds of a performance that uses a chorus, and
discuss the dramatic effect of having people speaking in unison on the
stage. How might they move? Speak? Dress? Pictures and even short
excerpts would be good here. Remember this is a play meant to be
performed, not only read – you need to show some awareness of that in
your presentation. Mr Crowell may be able to help you, and I have a video
file from Andrea.
Lancelot
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
4/5
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This is developing really well, Lancelot. I do think it’s important you watch the
play so you can add some comments on the impact of the chorus, and that when
you write this in full you work on the formality and sophistication of your
language.
Feedback on written proposal
Abie Epstein
HL
4A
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
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Notes
Your ideas are listed rather than organized, but I like it that you have focused on
Maryanne and brainstormed all the elements of literary style you want to use her
to discuss. The stuff on meta-fiction and postmodernism is interesting, and you
should definitely include it in your presentation – right now it’s not in your
outline. Perhaps it would be a good way to help draw your ideas together in
your conclusion. In terms of organization, I think if you read through your notes
and try to come up with a thesis like you would for an essay that might give you a
way to focus and develop your organization. I like the personal engagement with
the topic, and your ideas are gradually gaining depth and clarity.
Detailed Outline
Abie
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
2/5
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4/5
Lots of good ideas here but I still don’t see a unifying idea to draw things
together, or a strong sense of organization in your ideas. Let’s try to clarify these
aspects when we talk.
Janina
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
2/5
3/5
5/5
3/5
3/5
Janina, you haven’t really developed your ideas much – more you’ve written
them up a bit. You haven’t taken them forward much. For example, you haven’t
identified different types of irony as we discussed. Your comments on the myth
are vague and unresearched. You haven’t added any details about the plot
structure and its emotional impact at different stages. There’s nothing about the
chorus and the role they play in developing dramatic irony. This topic has a lot
of potential, but you need to work harder and in more depth on this.
Feedback on written proposal
Janina
HL
4a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
Notes – 19/25
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Janina, it’s good to see more detail here but do think carefully about our talk –
make sure your ideas are in a logical order, that you consider different types of
irony, and that you come up with a strong thesis that gives a focus to your
presentation.
Feedback on written proposal
Ashley Loh
HL
4a
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
4/5
4/5
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Notes – 19/25
Ashley, good to see you’ve given it more thought but still a little superficial – I
think once you’ve done a detailed analysis of both poems, as we discussed, you’ll
be able to come up with more detailed insights and points of comparison, as well
as more on the language of the poems. It’s important that you don’t only focus
on the content – and that you know more about resurrection imagery and
symbolism in general. Maybe some visual references would be interesting to add
context? Lazarus’s (and of course Jesus’s) resurrection is also a common theme
in art.
Detailed Outline
Ashley
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
4/5
4/5
4/5
3/5
3/5
Ashley, it’s good to see more research on the authors here, and your first analysis
of the poems and their basic meaning is solid. I think this has a lot of potential to
be a very interesting presentation. However, I still don’t see a detailed
understanding of resurrection imagery and symbolism – have you looked into
this? I really think you need more on this, and that images would add a great
deal to your presentation. Also, your comments on the structure and sound
effects in the poems are still extremely superficial – you really need to work on
developing this area. Nothing in good literature is random! The patterns may
not seem obvious to you, but they are either there or the absence of them is for a
reason. Good luck with writing your IOP.
Detailed Outline
Andrea
Your outline shows significant development on your proposal
Your outline has an effective introduction and thesis
Your outline is clearly written and formatted
Your outline includes a detailed outline of the main points of your
presentation, in a logical order
Each point is developed with supporting evidence and quotes
5/5
2/5
4/5
4/5
5/5
Andrea, you have given your topic some thought but so far you don’t have a
unifying idea or thesis to tie it together – so it’s a list of rather unconnected ideas
instead of a focused presentation. The sections on plot and character are much
more developed than the others; with these you seem to have much more to say
about Gatsby than about Oedipus. We need a focus to move forwards.

Gatsby is ‘great’ not only because he deceives like a magician – he uses
‘props’ (photo, medal) to back up his story; and his house is almost like a
stage set trying to recreate the idea of old money (his unread library
books, for example)
Proposal aspect:
Your IOP proposal shows a good understanding of the assignment
and its assessment criteria
Your IOP proposal provides a clear description of your main idea
and method of presentation
Your IOP proposal is clearly written and formatted
Your IOP proposal includes a basic outline of the main points of
your presentation, in a logical order
Your main idea is an appropriate IOP topic and will enable you to
analyze your chosen text(s) in detail
4/5
3/5
4/5
4/5
4/5