Student Writing Samples
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Student Examples for Scoring
MS Persuasive Introduction Pre-Lesson
MS Persuasive Introduction Post-Lesson
MS Persuasive Conclusion Pre-Lesson
MS Persuasive Conclusion Post-Lesson
HS Expository Introduction Pre-Lesson
HS Expository Introduction Post-Lesson
HS Expository Conclusion Pre-Lesson
HS Expository Conclusion Post-Lesson
7th grade WASL Samples
10th grade WASL Samples
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Middle School Persuasive Pre-Lesson Example
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Annotations:
Student A
There are so many reasons
not to smoke and the crazy
thing is that people do it
anyway. Cigarettes contain
tar, nicotine, and carbon
monoxide. Each of these
substances is very harmful.
Some attempt to engage
the reader (…the crazy
thing…)
Implies a formulaic
organizational structure
Weak attempt of a brief
overview
No support for the thesis
Thesis present
Score of 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Middle School Persuasive Post-Lesson Example
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Student A
The smooth white surface of a cigarette.
As you light it you slowly relax. You feel
the day is over. How can you resist? I
can.
Just think about all those people you are
hurting, the innocent people trying to live
a normal life. Then you walk by with a
cigarette in your mouth. People stare at
you in disgust. You try to ignore it, but
all the faces are looking, watching,
waiting. You sit by the subway entrance
in a huge crowd. The smoke slowly
drifts into the smoggy air. You hear
coughing, sniffling, whispering. They
cover up their noses to get away from
the scent.
Annotations:
Grabs reader’s attention.
Implies an organizational
structure.
Includes multiple
strategies (scenario,
taking a stand,
contrasting situation).
Adequate choice of
support
Thesis/position stated.
Score of 4
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Middle School Persuasive Pre-Lesson Example
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Student B
I personally would never smoke,
even if “being cool” was at
stake. I know how horrible it is
to your appearance, and your
insides. So why would I do it?
So if you smoke, think of
everything horrible that it does
to you. If you don’t smoke, don’t
start! If you do, just ask
yourself, “Why do I smoke?”
then take it from there.
Annotations:
Adequate connection to
body
Adequate use of
conclusion strategies
Wraps up the writing
Score of 3
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Middle School Persuasive Post-Lesson Example
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Student B
Annotations:
The smell of burning
Adequately connects to
cigarettes floating though
beginning and body
your home, the neighbors
Uses more than one
complain, the dog
conclusion strategy
complains, you complain.
You want to stop, but you
Wraps up the writing
just don’t have the time.
and gives the reader
You feel older, you look
something to think
older, it feels like your time
about
has come, but you still
Score of 4
have a chance. Quit
smoking and live your life.
It is never too late.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Expository Pre-Lesson Example
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Student A
My talent is playing baseball.
The way I developed this skill is
practicing pretty much my whole
life. Baseball has taught me that
you cannot get frustrated when
you’re having trouble hitting or
fielding a ground ball. Baseball
is a very humbling game.
Annotations:
Little attempt to get reader’s
attention
Implies a vague structure
Contains some
announcements that seem to
be a disconnected list
Support not clearly
connected to thesis
Vague thesis
Score of 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Expository Post-Lesson Example
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Student A
6th
Annotations:
It was the bottom of the
Adequately engages the
inning and we were down
reader
by one run. It was our rival
Implies a reason by reason
team and the biggest
structure (why I love
game of the year. There
baseball)
were men on first and
Includes an anecdote and
second and I was up to
draws a conclusion
bat. The catcher put the
ball on the tee, then I
Appropriate support for the
swung as hard as I could
thesis.
and the ball went flying
Thesis present (I love
and the two men on base
baseball).
came home. I knew then,
Score of 3
that I loved the game of
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
baseball.
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High School Expository Pre-Lesson Example
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Student B
Annotations:
The first one I really enjoy
is the chocolate chip
cookie. I especially like
them when they’re warm
and soft. I like the way the
chocolate just melts in
your mouth. I also love
the flavor of a warm
chocolate chip cookie right
when you bite into it. It’s
like being in heaven.
Surface level
connection with body of
paper
No attempt at using a
strategy
Doesn’t wrap up the
writing
Score of 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Expository Post-Lesson Example
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Student B
Annotations:
Melted chips, soft creamy
Connects to
butter, a crunchy nut
combine to make a delicious
introduction and body of
cookie. The soft, brown
the paper
cookie melts in my mouth,
Uses the strategy of
then a chip melts in my
generalization
mouth and it’s like being in
Wraps up the writing
heaven. I know it, my
brother knows it – biting into Score of 3
one of mom’s freshly baked
chocolate chip cookies is like
your own paradise even on a
cold day.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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WASL Examples
7th Grade
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Grade 7 Expository Writing Prompt
What Every Seventh-Grade Teacher Should
Know
Suppose a new teacher has come to your
school. In a multiple-paragraph letter, explain
to this teacher what is important to know
about teaching seventh-grade students at
your school.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Sample 1
Introduction: “All you have to do is that!” screamed the new
seventh-grade teacher across the hall angrily. “Wow, I thought
to myself, “what a scary teacher! I hope I don’t have him.”
Seventh grade is pretty new and scary for the kids who are
experiencing it for the first time. What is even more frightening,
however, is all of the new teachers. When the seventh graders
arrive, they are bombarded with six new and different teachers,
and they are overwhelmed with excitement and fright. What
would help out a lot is if all new seventh-grade teachers know
how to be patient, gave enough time to work in class, and
demonstrated things that the class were constructing.
Conclusion: So in conclusion, all new seventh grade teachers
can work their way up to the number one place on the charts
simply by being patient, giving enough time to work in class, and
by giving demonstrations of many class projects and class art
work. If all of the world’s teachers taught by these criteria, there
would be happiness ringing down all of the halls at every school.
Seventh grade would, for sure, be more fun for the teachers and
the students. Now who wouldn’t want that?
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Sample 2
Introduction: Quiet as ever, sitting on the tips of their seats are
the seventh graders awaiting their new teacher’s arrival. The bell
rings. Five minutes after the bell, the anxious students hear
something. “Click, clack, click, clack.” You can hear the
teacher’s heels pounding furiously against the floor as she
approaches the classroom door in a bit of a hurry. The door
bursts open. “Hello class, I’m sorry I’m late but the photocopier
got jammed.”
Conclusion: “So you guys have been in school for seven
months now, and your teacher has recently broken her leg. I
think we should talk a little about me. My name is Mrs. W_____
and I have recently retired from 6th grade after eight years of
hard work. Now, enough about me. Take out your reading
books and start reading. I will let you know when time is up.”
After about 20 minutes, the teacher says, “OK time to stop
reading. I have whipped up an assignment for you to work on
until the end of class. I want you to write me an expository letter.
This letter explains to me what’s important to know about
teaching seventh-grade students at this school. It’s due at the
end of the class period.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Grade 7 Persuasive Writing Prompt
Concert at Your School
Your principal is considering inviting a singer or
musical group to perform for students at your
school to raise money for a local charity. If you
could invite anyone, whom would you choose?
In a multiple-paragraph letter, persuade your
principal to invite the singer or group of your
choice.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Sample 1
Introduction: I don’t believe that M____ is doing its part for this community. In
order to fulfill our debt to those in need, I think we should have a fundraiser for
S____’s Children Hospital. They do their part to help children, and I think they
should be rewarded for their efforts.
Throughout the course of human history, there has always been a passion for
the one thing that unites us all in some form or another. Music. Music is a
special bond between people that can change your feelings instantaneously and
fill you with a natural ecstasy. Music stimulates you mind and filters out into
other aspects of life. The whole world revolves around music, so what better
way to raise money than a live concert?
Of course, the obvious question races through your mind: Who should I have
perform at the concert?” The answer is obvious. Who better to perform than
the band led by the greatest guitarist ever, Jimi Hendrix Experience was an
incredibly talented band, drawing their energy from Hendrix himself.
Conclusion: As you can see, Mr. B______, there is absolutely no reason why
you should exhibit any skepticism about inviting the Jimi Hendrix Experience to
our school. Jimi Hendrix was the greatest man to ever pick up the guitar, and
the money you donated to the children at the hospital would give you the
appearance of a generous benevolent leader in our community. If you have any
further uncertainties about anything regarding the concert, you can address your
questions to me in person. I hope my input could be of assistance, and I hope
you make the decision you feel is suitable for our school. Thank you for the
time.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Sample 2
Introduction: The bell rings and kids rush in, pushing and
shoving trying to get to their lockers. They walk into class and
hear the announcement. They announced that all students are
to go to the gym for a special performance by Maroon 5. All the
kids are shocked. They all start whistling and cheering.
Ms. B______, wouldn’t it be so tremendous to be able to put a
smile on everyone’s face? To be able to see how shocked they
are to hear those words? It’s not an everyday thing when you
get to hear that Maroon 5 will be playing right here in our very
own school.
Conclusion: In conclusion, please take the time and check this
band out. They’re really great. Most people don’t get a chance
like this to have a singer or group come to their school and
perform. So please take into consideration my idea of inviting
Maroon 5 to come to perform.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
WASL Examples
10th Grade
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Grade 10 Persuasive Writing Prompt
Your Community
Many young people have strong opinions about
whether nor not their communities are desirable
places for teens to live. Do you consider your
community a desirable place for teens to live?
Write a multiple-paragraph letter to parents of
teens who live in another area persuading them
to move to or avoid your community.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Sample 1
Introduction:
A nine year old and his best friends are proudly walking down a
dirt trail to the pond to catch tadpoles. It’s a beautiful, quiet
spring day. The woods are alive with birds, squirrels, and
chipmunks. There’s hardly any crime and everybody seems to
be happy.
You must think that’s a perfect community for a teen to grow up
in. Over 2,000 people must have thought that because they
decided to move right in. The beautiful pond with frogs and
tadpoles is now just a dried-up rock bed. The forest, alive with
deer and animals, is now thousands of luxurious houses with a
development name…
Conclusion: I hate seeing more developments and more
houses pop up around me. This is no place for a teen to grow
up in. The crime rate has tripled. The noise pollution is
unbelievable. On top of all that, no one has fun any more. No
one is smiling.
I do not consider this a good place for a teen to live.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Grade 10 Persuasive Prompt
You have been asked to be on a
committee to review your high school’s
rules. Choose one rule that needs to be
revised, added, or eliminated. Write a
multiple-paragraph letter to your
principal persuading him or her to adopt
your recommendation.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Introduction
Sample 1
As an appointed member of the recently established School Rule
Review Committee, I have spent the past few days along with my
colleague, Mr.. C----t, looking over the rules and regulations of Sesame
High School concerning transportation and the housing of vehicles. In
doing so, it has come to our attention that one in particular fails to
support the needs and wishes of the student body. I am referring to
Article III, Section IV of the Rules and Regulations hand book which
states that “The parking of motor vehicles in the tricycle lot is
prohibited. Violators will be subject to immediate defenestration.”
Presently, the rule is more of a hindrance than help for the school.
Conclusion
By allowing owners of motor scooters parking privileges in the tricycle
lot, the students will be delighted and tardies will promptly drop down to
their previous numbers. Thirty years ago Article III Section IV was
created for a purpose which it served most effectively. Now that threat
is gone and new circumstances call for change. As amusing as it is to
watch violators being thrown from a window, I hope that you will
consider my words as legitimate representation of the student body and
amend the policy. Thank you for your time.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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What follows are pre-instruction and
post-instruction examples of
introductions and conclusions that
may be used for additional scoring.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Pre/Post Examples
7th Grade
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Middle School Expository Pre-Lesson Example
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Annotations:
Hello, I am a girl from the
Adequately engages
future. 100 years to be
reader’s interest
exact. I live in the big city of
…., ….. and many things
Implies a vague structure
have changed in the past
Includes a very brief
100 years. “How has it
overview and question
changed?” you may be
Support loosely
asking yourself. In this letter
I am writing you I will tell you connected to the thesis
Thesis stated
how.
Score of 3
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Middle School Expository Post-Lesson Example
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Life in the year 2005 is
Annotations:
drastically different than in
Grabs the reader’s attention
the year of 1905.
Implies a comparison
Automobiles (our version of
organizational structure
your horseless carriage)
Contains contrast, description
choke the air with pollution
and makes announcements
that would make you sick to
your stomach. Women have Support connected to the
the same rights as men and thesis providing strong lead in
everyone dresses differently. that is clear, relevant, and
We live in a time that is
connected
supposedly equal, but elitism Clear thesis
still exists. I exist in a time
Score of 4
that is rumored to be happy
but that is not true for some.
This is the future. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Middle School Persuasive Pre-Lesson
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Annotations:
Hello Ms. C. How are
you doing? I just want
to tell you what new
exercise program or
after school program
you should add. You
will learn more about
this new exercise or
after school program.
No clear attention-getter
Implies a formulaic
organizational structure
No introduction
strategies
Support not clearly
connected to topic
Vague thesis
Score of 2 (low 2)
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Middle School Persuasive Post-Lesson
Using the Introduction Scoring Guide, score the introduction.
Annotations:
“Basketball, basketball,
Engages reader’s interest.
blah, blah, blah.” This is
Implies an organizational
mostly a man’s exercise.
structure
What girls need is hip-hop
Uses multiple introduction
dancing lessons. Hip hop
strategies (taking a stand,
dancing should be added
contrasting situation)
to P.E. at E____. Then it
won’t be “blah, blah.” It
Support loosely tied to
will be, “yaaa!” for girls
topic
and maybe even the boys,
Thesis stated
too.
Score of 4 (low 4)
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Middle School Persuasive Pre-Lesson
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Ms. C this is all I want. Do
anything to me. You could
flunk me, or make me pick
up garbage or bucket
duty. You choose.
Annotations:
Surface level
connection to paper
Ends with little or no
attempt at conclusion
strategies
Does not wrap up the
writing
Score of 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Middle School Persuasive Post-Lesson
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Dancing is one of the
most fun sports for
girls. Hip-hop dancing
has been around since
the 1980’s. Dancing is
better than playing
basketball, baseball,
and other sports. Hiphop should be added
to P.E.
Annotations:
Formulaic connection
with the introduction
and body of the paper
Minimal attempt at
conclusion strategies
(generalization, call to
action)
Weak wrap-up of the
text
Score of 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Middle School Expository Pre-Lesson Example
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
In conclusion, life has
changed a lot since
1905.
Annotations:
Surface level
connection with the
body of the paper
Ends with a minimal
summary statement
Weak wrap up.
Score of 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Middle School Expository Post-Lesson Example
Using the Conclusion Scoring Guide, score the conclusion.
Living in 2005 is great.
The improvements
and inventions since
1905 have made living
so much easier and
more enjoyable.
Annotations:
Surface level
connection to
introduction and body
Uses generalizations,
making a point
Weak wrap up of the
writing
Score of 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Pre/Post Examples
10th Grade
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Pre
High School Pre/Post
Expository Introduction Example
Ever since I was a young
Post
child, I have dreamed of
"98, 99, 100... ready or
having super hero powers.
not, here I come!" shouts
Three of those powers are
my little sister Jackie. She
the power to be invisible, the
looks everywhere and
power to fly, and the power
finds everybody, except
to have super human speed.
for me. Nobody can find
These powers would be
me because I am invisible.
great because I could do
Invisibility is one of a few
secret missions for the
super hero powers I have
government, I could save
always wished to have.
people in tough spots, and I
could get out of tough
spots
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myself.
Pre
High School Pre/Post
Persuasive Introduction Example
I am writing on behalf of the nouniform party. The majority of
the student body is against the
required wearing of uniforms
being incorporated into our
lives. Being that we are the
larger percentage of the school
community, we would
appreciate if you would print this
letter in your article to help the
school board understand our
point of view.
Post
Imagine a world where all jobs
are run by robots. Everything is
strictly calculated. There is no
room for error. Nothing is
different. Everyone is identical in
physical attributes and mental.
Now picture that as you look
closer. You discover that these
aren’t robots; they are human
beings. This is what would
happen if everyone thought the
same, no one had imagination,
and not a soul was creative. This
is the danger of the uniform.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Pre/Post
Persuasive Introduction Example
Pre
The rigors of school leave many
students sleep-deprived, but is
starting and ending school two
hours later a real solution?
Starting school earlier would
have many bad effects that the
advantages could never equal.
Changing school hours is a bad
idea. It would have too many
dire results. School hours
should not be changed.
Post
Phil woke up at six, barely catching
the bus to school an hour later. In
first period, he fell asleep after
staying out until midnight the night
before. For Phil, this is a daily
occurrence because he stays out
with his friends as late as possible.
Phil and most high school students
from the country are suffering in the
day for staying out late at night.
This increasing trend has schools
willing to concede that starting and
ending school two hours later will
be a solution to this problem. But
will it?
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Pre/Post
Expository Conclusion Example
Pre
If my house were burning down,
I would make sure that these
items were rescued. I made my
decision on which items I would
take by their worth to me in
money and in sentimental
value. I decided that the most
important things to me were
things that had cost me a great
deal of money and items that
were either next to impossible
or impossible to ever have
another of or fully replace.
Post
If my house were burning down,
the three things I would take
have a lot of meaning to me.
They say a lot about me, my
personality, and my dream.
These three items are me,
without these I would feel as if I
had lost a part of myself and my
personality. I would feel as if my
dream had been crushed in a
way if I had to watch these
things burn away in my house.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Pre/Post
Persuasive Conclusion Example
Pre
Thank you for listening to
our petition and for your
willingness to support us.
We wait anxiously for your
reply and hope that you
make the right decision.
Post
Please don’t shirk your
duties in education. Allow
us this one area to let our
imaginations shine!! Ways
to express our individuality
are few, so please let us
keep the ability to show
our personality. We urge
you pick up your pens and
vote down the uniform
policy.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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High School Pre/Post
Persuasive Conclusion Example
Pre
Starting and ending school two
hours later is an exceedingly
bad idea. When all of the pros
and cons are found, the cons
effortlessly outnumber every
pro. I agree with sleeping
longer, but I would rather be
released from school earlier. I
believe that the verdict over
school times is a no-brainer;
Leave school times the way that
they are and have been for
years.
Post
If school ended two hours later,
Phil would fall asleep in first
period after staying out past
midnight the night before. The
schools must realize that the
answer of changing school
times is a no-brainer: leave
school times the way they have
been for years. The school
should go along with the old
saying, “Early to bed, and early
to rise, makes a man healthy,
wealthy, and wise.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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A note about examples…
The most powerful examples you can
use for instruction and modeling in your
classroom are examples collected from
your students. Although we have
provided several examples, we
encourage you to find your own.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Agenda





Discuss introductions: purpose, strategies, scoring
Analyze introductions from printed texts
Discuss conclusions: purpose, strategies, scoring
Analyze conclusions from printed texts
Analyze and score paired introductions and
conclusions
 Practice writing and revising introductions and
conclusions
 Score additional student samples
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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We welcome your comments
We welcome your comments. Please
feel free to try these lessons and send
feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at
nelliott@ospi.wednet.edu. We
appreciate your labeling the subject line
as Feedback: OSPI Instructional
Support Materials.
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