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2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats
By Conrad Toft & Martin Kirk
CHARACTERS:
NARRATOR A Goda narrator
WILLIAM SHOWERTON A dashing hero, who dashes
BEATRIX EX-KONIGIN
Our heroine, not big but tremendous
SLIDE 1: Black & sound
NARR:
Ladies and gentlemen, thesps and techies, it is our great pleasure to welcome you to…
SLIDE 2: Title
NARR:
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats. The scariest skit since last year…
SLIDE 3: Grand Place
NARR:
On a cold and stormy evening in Ye Olde Grande Place in Belgium, our beautiful heroine,
BEATRIX EX-KONIGEN , who now is at a loose end for some reason, receives a poisonous
message - the last will and testament of her long, lost, second uncle Hugh trice-removed…
Enter MESSENGER. Gives DVD to HEROINE. Leaves. Great role, eh?
NARR:
… on ye olde worlde DVD.
BEATRIX:
(Southern US accent) Why, what on earth is this?
NARR:
Your uncle’s will, weren’t you listening?
BEATRIX:
Sorry, I’m too lazy to listen. Ah’m just a big, anorexic lump of cotton.
Enter WILIAM, slapping his thigh with a whip and standing centre stage. With him come HENCH1 and
HENCH2.
BEATRIX:
Excuse me, Mr Tall Dark Stranger. Would you happen t’ have a DVD player on your person?
WILLIAM:
I sure do.
William whips out a DVD player from under his shirt. It is “plugged into” his belt.
BEATRIX:
Oh my! We sure are getting personal!
WILLIAM:
You ain’t seen nothing yet!
Beatrix puts the DVD into the player and gives a whimper.
SLIDE 4: Spooky video
(on video)
UNCLE:
So, young Beatrix, I guess I’m dead… and if you want to get your hands on my twenty-seven
wagons full of cotton-picking silver (that’s S, I, L, V, E, R – not gold but silver, like Long John
Silver)…
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats
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ALL:
Oo aar! (Not on video)
UNCLE:
Who said that? Anyway, if you want my riches you’re going to have to travel up to The Hague
by the next available van.
ATC:
Chance would be a fine thing! (Not on video)
UNCLE:
If you can spend one full night before the first 10 days of November in the Haunted Konijntje
Spielburg Theatre then you will get everything. If you don’t succeed, my entire fortune,
including my extensive collection of Levellers CDs will be given to the home for retired
thespians in Putney. You will get nothing… (evil laugh)
DEVIL:
… You may think you’re strong, but perhaps the ghosts and spirits in the Kannabis Steinway
theatre are the stronger. (even more evil laugh) Once you are dead, I will take over the whole
world starting with the UK through Nigel Farrage, my representative on earth. (even more evil
laugh)
(Video ends)
SLIDE 5: Brussels
WILLIAM:
A van! A van! My kingdom for a van!
SLIDE 6: Brussels with a van (Dockx van with “We hate” scrawled across it)
BEATRIX:
Why it’s a van! And hardly a day late. It’s almost like witchcraft.
SLIDE 7: Thunder and lightning. Evil laughter
WILLIAM:
A witch! Burn her!
BEATRIX:
Oh, Mr Tall Dark Stranger! You sure do twist my words! I didn’t say witchcraft. I said “a
transit”.
WILLIAM:
Ah. So no witch-burning then.
BEATRIX:
Of course not, that would be a case of arson.
WILLIAM:
Damn. Oh well. Nothing like a good witch-burning to liven up Pentecost. Would you like to get
into the van?
BEATRIX:
I’m afraid.
WILLIAM:
Of what?
BEATRIX:
Of the number 13.
HENCH1:
You mean triskaidekaphobia.
BEATRIX:
Bless you!
WILLIAM:
Bless me! What? Are you a Catholic! Burn her!
BEATRIX:
I didn’t say “Bless you”, I said “Be sure”. Be sure, I’d like to get in that van with you, Mr Tall
Dark Stranger.
BEATRIX exits SR.
WILLIAM:
Why, of course. After you.
BEATRIX leaves to get into the van.
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats
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WILLIAM:
(To henchmen) Step in, men. Now, come and join us in the van. But, err… on second thoughts,
give us a couple of minutes, go and get a drink in that café and, err… make sure you knock.
(Winks)
WILLIAM adjusts his dress and goes off to van SR.
SLIDE 8: A café with two small tables on opposite sides of the room and nothing else
HENCH 1 and HENCH 2 strike a pose behind each table (which they will repeat at the end of this exchange).
During the next exchange HENCH2 reacts to everything HENCH1 says, but highly
exaggerated.
HENCH1:
Umm… He was acting a bit strange. Should we go and get in the van?
HENCH 2 shakes his head vigourously.
HENCH1:
No? Okay, well I guess we should wait a little then.
HENCH 2 nods his head vigourously.
HENCH1:
His behaviour reminds me of the time my wife, Kate-Elizabeth-Liliburne-Mary visited the
barracks. He sure was nice to her. He gave her a tour of the private apartments, while I finished
my 27 hours of guard duty. Very friendly.
HENCH slaps his own forehead at HENCH1’s stupidity..
HENCH1:
Poor thing was exhausted by the time she got back. He must have dragged her all over those
barracks.
HENCH 2 nods his head vigourously.
HENCH1:
And, it sure was friendly of you and the other men to look after Kate-Elizabeth-Liliburne-Mary
when I got that second guard duty straight after the first.
HENCH 2 nods his head vigourously.
HENCH1:
Strange, that. First time I ever got two extra-long guard duties together. I didn’t really get to
spend any time with Kate-Elizabeth-Liliburne-Mary that weekend.
HENCH 2 mimes cradling a baby.
HENCH1:
You’re right. It was just nine months before the twins WILLIAM and WILLIAMINA were
born.
HENCH 2 gestures that it is about time that HENCH1 realised what happened.
BEATRIX:
(shock mixed with pleasure) Ooo! Mr Tall Dark Stranger!
HENCH1:
(does double take towards van) You know, I think maybe it would be best for us to go to the
van now.
HENCH 2 nods slowly but emphatically.
HENCH 1 & 2 slowly get back into their pose, then exit SR.
SLIDE 9: Three items: a petrol can, a King Charles spaniel and a Gateau
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats
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NARR:
And so we reached the end of our first day, in which the lighting was simply gorgeous, the hats
were far too shadowy, and the café of monumental proportions. By the next morning, our
plucky protagonists had reached The Hague.
SLIDE 10: Outside 221b BAKKERSTRAAT There is a poster on the wall, like an eye chart which reads “F.
RA. NKE. NSTEIN
Enter BEATRIX, WILLIAM, HENCH1 & HENCH2 SR.
BEATRIX:
I think we’re lost.
WILLIAM:
Perhaps that sign can help us (pointing to poster)
HENCH1:
Sorry, sir, no. It looks like it just tells us What’s on in Winter.
Enter HOLMES and WATSON, SL.
WILLIAM:
Perhaps these gentlemen in the ridiculous hats can help us? Excuse me, can you tell us the way
to the Kroniklijke Schadenfraude theatre?
HOLMES:
The Koekepanne Schokolade theatre?
WILLIAM:
I guess so.
BEATRIX:
(to William) How about we just stick with KS from now on, otherwise the skit will last until
way after tonight’s adjudication.
HOLMES:
(to Watson) My dear fellow, note the small scrape of mud on this fellow’s shoe. A size 44, if
I’m not mistaken.You see the buttons on that fellow’s shirt. Sloppily stitched. His wife is
clearly unfaithful and notice, the satiated look in the eyes of this young women as though she
has just undergone a somewhat traumatic but fulfilling experience. Ah… (he takes a piece of
imaginary cotton from BEATRIX’s face, holds it to the light, sniffs it, tastes it, then blows it
away)… unless I am much mistaken in the back of a van. Yes, from the state of them I would
say they have travelled a great distance and are almost certainly searching for something. Yes,
that’s it – they are searching for a theatre! Elementary, my dear Watson.
WATSON:
Your powers of deduction are astounding. It’s almost as though they had just asked for
directions.
BEATRIX:
We did.
WATSON:
I know, but… oh, it’s a long story. Forget I said anything.
BEATRIX:
I’m too lazy to be forgetful.
HOLMES:
So, you want to know the way to the Cock-a-doodle – to the KS theatre?
WILLIAM:
Genius.
HOLMES:
Just go back the way you came past the pub.
HENCH1:
the Black Horse?
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HOLMES:
That’s the one. Then first left, second right, fourth bridge, second tunnel. Then finally, left at
the church on the south bank – not the one on the north bank.
WATSON:
Yes, the one for whom the southern bell tolls.
HENCH1:
OK. So that’s pub, first right, second left, second bridge, fourth tunnel. Right at the North
church.
HOLMES:
No, but I guess that’s close enough. Here in The Hague it doesn’t matter which way you go,
you’ll still get there.
WATSON:
Don’t worry, you can’t miss it. Look for the truly amazing space portal door and just listen out
for the wails and screams of undying terror.
HOLMES:
Come, Watson. We mustn’t dilly-dally. There’s just time for one of Mrs Hudson’s exceedingly
good cakes before we catch the train to Paris.
HENCH1 and HENCH2 look worried.
WATSON and HOLMES walk off SR holding hands. The rest walk round in a circle as though they are
exploring The Hague.
SLIDE 10: Pictures of The Hague
SLIDE 11: The scene behind them fades into the outside of the KS theatre, with a spooky FEATS banner.
Enter AMANDA and LAURENCE.
During the next exchange, BEATRIX and AMANDA’s accents get more and more over-the-top Southern Belle.
BEATRIX:
Why, if it isn’t AMANDA, my long-lost twin sister.
AMANDA:
My, oh my! Is that my sweet little baby twin sister, Beatrix.
BEATRIX:
My, you look gorgeous darling. That flowing dress is just so stylish.
AMANDA:
Well, it’s a darn-sight better than the one your wearing, my dear.
BEATRIX:
Why, how nice of you to say so, you dried up old bitch.
AMANDA:
Ah’m only 27 minutes full of life older than you, you young slut.
BEATRIX:
So what are you doing here, you wrinkled old prune?
AMANDA:
Oh, I was jes enjoying the view, until your ugly mug came along and spoiled it.
WILLIAM:
Ladies, please!
BEATRIX:
Sorry, dear. Shall we bury the hatchet, Amanda?
AMANDA:
Ah sure know where I would like to.
WILLIAM:
Perhaps introductions are in order?
BEATRIX:
I’m so sorry. William, this is my dear, estranged (and strange) twin sister, Amanda. And this is
my dear little retarded nephew Laurence.
LAURENCE: Would you like to see my collection of used rectal thermometers?
WILLIAM:
Ermm… no not really. Pleased to meet you.
LAURANCE starts to show off his collection.
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LAURENCE: I call this one Glass, because it’s made of glass.
WILLIAM:
How nice.
BEATRIX:
And this is William, my new fiancée. His job is to collect a non-wearable crown in front of
some royal strangers arriving by bus
WILLIAM:
What?
LAURENCE: I call this one Politician, because it’s a little bit crooked.
BEATRIX:
I don’t know what these ones are called. They’re just here to get killed off early in the plot.
HENCH1 and HENCH2 look worried.
LAURENCE: I call this one Brown, because I haven’t cleaned it yet.
BEATRIX:
Laurence, dear: shut the fuck up!
LAURENCE: I call this one Auntie Beatrix, because it’s stuck up.
BEATRIX grabs the sticks and throws them to the ground.
AMANDA:
Why are you here?
BEATRIX:
(producing the DVD from under WILLIAM’s shirt) I got this DVD from Uncle Hugh…
AMANDA:
(producing a DVD from under LAURENCE’s shirt) Well, so did I!
BEATRIX:
Then I suggest, we go right on in.
AMANDA:
No, after you.
BEATRIX:
After you, I insist.
AMANDA:
No, after you.
AMANDA and BEATRIX grab LAURENCE and push him off in front of them SL. The rest follow.
SLIDE 12: A deerstalker, a space portal and a weirdly colored rectal thermometer.
NARR:
So, our intrepid band have entered the haunted KS theatre. What fate will await them there?
Before finding out, let’s have a quick review of their journey. To begin with, there were far too
few black outs. In fact, the journey would have been improved if the whole scene had been
blacked out. The portal was simply amazing. I could have spent all day just pressing the
buttons. As for the final encounter, Amanda’s dress was simply stunning. Did we really need
the dialogue? Just because the audience were rolling around in the aisles laughing, was it
funny? Let us see what happens next, while I sit back here, wipe away only teardrops and
munch on a super-sweet Danish pastry. Here on the stage tonight, let’s leave the past behind
us…
SLIDE 13: Inside the haunted theatre
BEATRIX, AMANDA, WILLIAM, LAURENCE, HENCH 1 and HENCH 2 creep in on tip toes and do the
comedy bumping into each other bit.
AMANDA:
Why, it sure is dark, slimy and creepy in here.
BEATRIX:
Yes, it reminds me of Uncle Hugh.
SLIDE 13a: Manic laughter
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats
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WILLIAM:
Hey, there are some stairs leading down here into the dark, perhaps someone else should go
down and have a look?
AMANDA:
Haven’t you ever watched a horror movie?
WILLIAM:
Well, if we are going to stay here we have to send some ignorant schmuck down there to check
it out.
Everyone looks at HENCH2, who shakes his head vigorously. Everyone else nods vigorously. HENCH2 shakes
his head again. The others nod again. WILLIAM draws out his banana (with Colt 45 written on
the side and points it at HENCH2 who shrugs and walks off-stage. WILLIAM eats the banana.
Everyone else follows HENCH2 offstage, again doing the comedy creep.
SLIDE 14: Inside of Borg spaceship
Everyone follows HENCH2 in, but staying well behind him. They circle the stage ending with him standing
near the wings.
AMANDA & BEATRIX:
This sure ain’t like Missouri!
Suddenly, out comes BORG, a creature made up of three (or five if we have enough) people. When it speaks,
each part says a word at a time except for the lines read by MAIN BORG.
BORG:
Human creatures, you fools. You have entered my lair!
MAIN BORG: The Borg, an alien of many parts but one mind…
BORG:
Looks hungrily at its prey. Now it is time to…
BORG:
(All together) be assimilated!
MAIN BORG: The Borg, noticing that all its victims have frozen with fear, and nodding to the lighting
engineer to create a sinister lighting affect for the event…
Lighting flickers.
BORG:
Stalks and devours its prey!
The Borg assimilates HENCH1 and exits.
AMANDA:
How awful!
WILLIAM:
Well, not so bad really, he was expendable.
All look meaningfully at HENCH2, who looks rather uncomfortable.
BEATRIX:
It could have been worse, the attack might have lasted a whole self-reverential hour.
AMANDA:
Not under festival rules!
WILLIAM:
I suppose we should go on. I see a creepy red light coming from over there. Or at least I would
if the lighting engineer hadn’t fallen asleep.
BEATRIX:
Why that would be just mean if it wasn’t just the words you were reading from the script.
AMANDA:
But then you’re only saying that because it’s the next line in the script.
HENCH1:
Oh my God!
BEATRIX:
What is it?
HENCH1:
I’ve just found out that I get horribly killed on the next page.
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats
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AMANDA:
Well, it probably serves you right. You probably do something really stupid.
HENCH1:
I wouldn’t be so smug if I were you. You’ve only got three pages to live yourself.
WILLIAM:
Enough of the spoilers already. Who is going in first?
HENCH1:
Me apparently. I suppose I may as well get on with it.
All leave except LAURENCE, who stands alone on the stage holding up a rectal thermometer.
LAURENCE: I call this one Friday, because I’ve been using it since then.
LAURENCE hobbles out with a stiff-legged walk.
SLIDE 15: Chinese restaurant
BEATRIX, AMANDA, WILLIAM, LAURENCE, follow HENCH 1 into a Chinese Restaurant.
AMANDA:
There sure are some weird rooms in this theatre.
BEATRIX:
Did you here that noise?
WILLIAM:
What noise?
BEATRIX:
I thought I heard a (FX creaking noise)
AMANDA:
I didn’t hear a (FX creaking noise). It sounds to me more like a (FX boink).
WILLIAM:
Are you sure it was a (FX boink). I thought it was a (FX laser).
BEATRIX:
No, it was definitely a (FX creaking noise).
AMANDA:
Why do you have to be so contrary. Just (FX boink) off.
HENCH1:
I’m not sure whether it was a (FX creaking noise) or a (FX laser) or a (FX boink), but the
alarms definitely came from over there.
All look expectantly at HENCH1.
HENCH1:
I guess it’s time for my death scene then.
All nod. HENCH1 walks off. FX Scream
WILLIAM:
Well, that was definitely a (FX scream).
HENCH1 staggers back on and dies spectacularly. Everyone claps.
AMANDA:
I think I can hear voices coming from over there.
BEATRIX:
Perhaps we should split up to investigate?
AMANDA:
Why on earth would we do that?
BEATRIX:
I don’t know, I’m too lazy to think, but that’s what people always do in horror movies.
WILLIAM:
Sounds reasonable. Let’s go!
They all leave.
SLIDE 16: A classroom
There is the sound of groaning as several ZOMBIE SCHOOLCHILDREN rise from SL.
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Man stands centre stage with sloth T shirt
ZOMBIE1
A zombie stands centre stage in silly T shirt reading unmemorised words too
quickly to a bunch of strangers for cheap laughs.
Person1 shines torch to create pool of light in one area, Person2 stands very carefully just next to
pool of light:
ZOMBIE2
Another zombie stands next to the first almost precisely out of the light;
ZOMBIE3
All the Zombies have not been rehearsed, it is the skit after all:
People do hand movements in line all different
ZOMBIE4
Even the movements have not been practised. Deep physical embarrassment.
Group of people with animal hats stand in a line behind each other
ZOMBIE5
An important convention is not to do impressions of a flamingo or reptile.
SLIDE FLAMINGO REPTILE
People as animals move off line in random sequence
ZOMBIE6
But impressions of other unspeakable creatures with hideous features is fine.
ZOMBIE7
Our stage crew must have also been turned into zombies, though who could tell.
ZOMBIE8
A deconstructed play, within a theatre, within a Festival, within a skit, though it
would be neat to find out who was the author this event.
ALL Lipsync the next speech badly
ZOMBIE9
But you’ll have to buy a program to check whether these unmemorised words are
the same our lip sync, and you still won’t find the author of the show.
ZOMBIE10
A skit within a skit, with repeating paragraphs.
ZOMBIE 8
skit.
Oh what fun a deconstructed play, within a theatre, within a Festival, within a
ZOMBIE11
Even the order of every one of these words has been predetermined
ZOMBIE12
Except in the program.
LAURENCE runs in and comes to a halt in front of them.
LAURENCE: Hello children. How are you?
Zombies groan.
LAURENCE: Not feeling so happy today? Lots of sad faces. Let’s see if we can turn those frowns into smiles!
Laurence takes out his collection.
LAURENCE: I call this one Glass because it’s made of…
LAURENCE gets eaten by the ZOMBIES. ZOMBIES then turn to audience, but before they can eat them, the
supply TEACHER enters.
TEACHER:
Settle down, children, I’m your crap supply teacher.
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Teacher stands facing the audience. Zombies sit with their back to the audience (so that the audience are also
part of the class).
TEACHER:
Right, let’s begin with basic exercises. (Points to ZOMBIE CHILD) You, I want to hear your
groan in A Minor.
ZOMBIE groans.
TEACHER:
Not bad, but put more menace into it. Now you. (Chooses member of the audience)
TEACHER improvises a zombie lesson with the audience as pupils, getting them to groan, put their arms out
and generally look dead.
TEACHER:
Well, it’s not perfect, but I guess it will do.
WILLIAM, BEATRIX and AMANDA burst in.
BEATRIX:
Oh my God! They’ve eaten Laurence!
AMANDA:
Yes! (raises a fist in victory, realizes that this isn’t really very suitable) I mean, oh no, my poor
little Basset hound puppy dog of a boy. What will I do without him?
TEACHER:
Right my zombie army, attack!
Zombies shuffle towards WILLIAM, BEATRIX and AMANDA.
WILLIAM:
Oh my god! They’re shuffling towards us at high speed!
BEATRIX:
Thank God that firearms are banned in Dutch theatres, otherwise we’d really be in trouble. I
think now is definitely time for a case of arson!
BEATRIX throws invisible bomb.
SLIDE 17: Classroom is engulfed in fire.
Everyone slopes away from the stage as the fire rages.
SLIDE 18: Items from night 3.
NARR:
The narrator steps onto stage and says “As our intrepid heroes, or what is left of them, venture
into the darkness let’s just have a brief review of the evening’s events. First, we had the Borg.
Well, they certainly brought a touch of schizophrenia to the evening, didn’t they? And, as for
the lovely scene in the vast Chinese restaurant. Well, perhaps that could have been a little more
(FX some weird sound). And, while I can hardly be expected to remember all the cast members
in the final piece. I particular enjoyed the performance of (points to random audience member)
who was such a convincing zombie that he/she surely has a wonderful career ahead of him/her
in Australian soap operas”. The narrator looks smugly after timing his joke perfectly and steps
back into the shadows with a self-satisfied grin.
SLIDE 19: A jungle.
BEATRIX, WILLIAM and AMANDA enter.
BEATRIX:
Finally, we’re in Missouri!
AMANDA:
It’s amazing what we’re finding in this theatre.
WILLIAM:
I realize that the Chinese restaurant and schoolroom were a bit of a surprise, but doesn’t every
theatre have… a green room.
BEATRIX and AMANDA groan.
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NARR:
Cut that line. That joke is simply too bad, even for the skit, although it did have a certain heart
of lightness.
WILLIAM:
(to narrator) That one was even worse than mine! Besides which, you missed off the word
Hinterlands.
Jungle drums are heard. WITCH DOCTOR dances on in a threatening manner. Oh, for Christ’s sake, couldn’t
the author be bothered to give him better stage directions?
AMANDA:
We’re going to die!
BEATRIX:
Well, in our final moments, there’s something I must say to you, sis.
AMANDA:
What’s that, Darling.
BEATRIX:
I love you.
They hug. Everyone offstage goes “Ahhh!”, perhaps even some of the audience do, too.
BEATRIX:
But I’d prefer you to die instead of me.
BEATRIX pushes AMANDA to the WITCH DOCTOR, who drags her offstage.
WILLIAM:
Well, that was a short scene.
BEATRIX:
Of course, the authors haven’t seen the play yet, so how are they supposed to satirise it.
Besides, the audience are beginning to look restless.
WILLIAM:
Oh, well. The audience participation in the next scene should wake them up a bit.
SLIDE 20: Inside of the KS theatre.
Groaning is heard off-stage. The entire rest of the cast, as ZOMBIES, enter, lead in their shuffling wake by
UNCLE HUGH.
BEATRIX:
Why, Uncle Hugh! What a nice surprise. You look awfully well for a dead guy.
WILLIAM:
Our deaths are seconds away – we need a plan!
HUGH:
You won’t die. Instead, you will wish for death in the living hell of your eternity.
BEATRIX:
That doesn’t sound too good.
WILLIAM:
I’ve got it. We’ll distract them by forcing them and the audience into a sing-a-long while we
find a way to escape.
SLIDE 21: Words of the song
ALL
We’re all going on a zombie holiday,
Lots of groaning for eternity
Drool and groaning on our zombie holiday
No more worries for me and you
We’re going where the brains taste nicer
We’re going where there’s lots of goo.
we've all seen it on the movies,
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now let's see if it's true.
ZOMBIES pathetically attempt to clap.
WILLIAM:
(Say this line exactly as written) Well, I thought went fantastically / rather well / terribly delete
as applicable.
BEATRIX:
Oh, William, I love how literal you are. If only we had more time to spend together.
WILLIAM:
But we could. I’ve got it!
BEATRIX:
A plan to save our lives!
WILLIAM:
Well, not exactly but close enough. Our story started so well with Boy meets Girl.
BEATRIX:
A young love story.
WILLIAM:
But now the zombies want to make us part of them by eating our brains.
BEATRIX:
That don’t sound too good.
WILLIAM:
So the solution is simple. (reveals spoons) We’ll eat each other’s brains and then we can spend
an eternity drooling together. Two bodies with one mind.
BEATRIX:
Oh, darling, I thought you would never ask.
WILLIAM and BEATRIX eat each other brains while the ZOMBIES do a zombie version of the Wedding
March.
SLIDE 22: An African mask, Lucini Pavrotti and a bench
NARR:
And, so it is with a heavy heart that we reach the end of our performance. Our final scenes took
us on a roller coaster journey. We visited the jungles of Africa, enjoyed the sweetly rotting
stench of zombies and finally saw our hero and heroine joined together and ready to embark on
their life of tedium, drudgery and mindless horror together (just like so many marriages). And
for the rest of you, sleep well in your beds tonight and we look forward to seeing you next year,
in Luxembourg (evil laugh)
SLIDE: End credits
2013: a Nightmare at The Hague, Feats