Feeling Overwhelmed
Part 5
Review
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Addiction is often about escaping when we
feel overwhelmed
We need to find healthy escapes
Sometimes we bring being overwhelmed
on ourselves due to bad decisions and
unhealthy coping skills
Sometimes being overwhelmed for short
periods of time is a good thing
An important part of Recovery is learning
when both feeling overwhelmed and
escaping are healthy or unhealthy
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Tonight – danger in recovery – to think that if
you do the right things, life will become easy –
no obsession, no pain, no struggles especially not overwhelming ones
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1.
2.
3.
4.
This is often a subconscious expectation
Sometimes it is the result of a well trained
fantasy approach to life
Sometimes it is picked up from comments by
others in recovery
Misread the Promises of Big Book and Bible
It is part of our culture’s constant message –
a happy life is a life of ease, comfort,
prosperity
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1.
Two facts
The best things in life have an element of pain
and struggle
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2.
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Childbirth, raising kids, relationships, training
for a career
Love, the main characteristic of a healthy life,
has many joyful parts, but it also calls for
times of sacrifice and pain. And at times, the
sacrifice and pain feel overwhelming
Note: I am not saying ….
A)
B)
That you should stay in an abusive relationship
That you should not set boundaries – that you
should let people use you
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Our default setting
1. To avoid pain – to seek pleasure and
comfort
2. To avoid sacrifice – to save our life, not give
it away
Observation
1. A dysfunctional family seems to train
children to be good at sacrifice and love –
they have to give up their needs and desires
so that they can meet the selfish desires of
the person in the position of authority, or so
that they can meet the needs of their
younger siblings
2.
The reality is that a dysfunctional family trains
a child to be selfish
A) The authority figure models/operates by the
belief that the recipe for happiness is to be
selfish – to always get your own way, to use
other people, to indulge your selfish desires
B) The sacrifices that the child make for the
authority are not appreciated, so they give
no joy or pleasure. There is nothing that
reinforces that sacrifice ultimately leads to
joy
C) Therefore, the child gets a skewed
perspective on sacrifice and, thus, on the
recipe for happiness. They see sacrifice as
never being good, and selfishness as the
recipe for happiness
D)
E)
F)
The child can’t wait to be out on their own so
that they can live for their own needs and
desires
They become selfish like the authority figure in
their life
Sacrifice, in their adult life, is often seen:
A) As a to get someone to like you. Therefore,
self-serving
B) As something that is done begrudgingly;
and if you have to do it for too long a period
of time, you develop a resentment
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The paradox
John 12:24-27 – “Very truly I tell you, unless a
kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it
remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it
produces many seeds. Anyone who loves
their life will lose it, while anyone who hates
their life in this world will keep it for eternal
life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and
where I am, my servant also will be. My
Father will honour the one who serves me.
“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I
say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it
was for this very reason I came to this hour.”
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Matthew 26:38 – “Jesus began to be sorrowful
and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul
is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of
death.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his
face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it
is possible, may this cup be taken from me.
Yet not as I will, but as you will.’”
Psalm 126:5-6 – “Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out
weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with
songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”
Philippians 2:17 – “I am being poured out as a
drink offering”
Conclusions
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2.
3.
4.
The recipe for joy is a paradox
Sacrifice – pouring out one’s life – is a
characteristic of everyone who has made a
positive impact on others
The goal is not an easy life where one has
constant pleasure; the goal is genuine love,
which sometimes involves elements of pain
and sacrifice, which can feel overwhelming
The healthier we become, the more we love –
that includes service and sacrifice. But we
also learn how to balance loving service with
proper self-care
5.
6.
A healthy family is characterized by everyone,
especially those in authority, being willing to
make sacrifices for others. And it appreciates
and rewards sacrifice
Our ego can distort service and sacrifice
A) Martyr complex – look at me, at how much
pain I endure and how many sacrifices I
make
B) I’m better than you because I’m involved in
more service
C) It is easy to take on more service and
neglect the ones God has given you to love
– your family