Basics of Conflict
Management
CRETE Day 2 Training
Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in
Education
e-mail: tsjones@temple.edu
Critical Tools for Constructive
Classrooms
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Understanding Needs Based
Conflict
Positive Discipline
Conflict Styles
Collaborative Negotiation
Basic Needs
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Love and Belonging
Power
Freedom
Fun
Safety
Appropriate and Inappropriate
Methods
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Kids have appropriate and
inappropriate ways to get their
needs met.
Around the room are flip charts
with the needs listed.
Grab a marker and write on the
charts both appropriate and
inappropriate things you see
kids do to meet this need.
Discipline Versus Punishment
PUNISHMENT
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Immediate response
Stops a behavior
Demeaning,
humiliating,
physically painful, or
about exerting adult
power/control/author
ity
No long-term,
positive effect
DISCIPLINE
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Immediate or no
response
Stops or ignores the
behavior
Respects the
importance of the
relationship with the
child
Teaches or
reinforces skills that
have a long-term,
positive effect
Tools for Positive Discipline
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Use Firm limits Language
Use Encouraging Messages
Develop Logical Consequences
Related
 Reasonable
 Consistent
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Use Responsibility Planning
Dealing with the Angry Child
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Understand the “Desperation
Cycle”
Follow Guidelines for
Deescalating
Remember “Aftermath” is
important
Desperation Cycle
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Child is unable to communicate and
becomes more desperate
Child acts out feelings through
behavior instead of words
Child feels shame, anger or guilt,
leading to more desperation
Adult gets emotional and may react
in counterproductive ways
Implementing punishment increases
guilt or resentment, increasing child’s
desperation
Breaking the Desperation
Cycle
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1. Make it private! Remove other
people.
2. Distract them (music, food, drink)
3. Help child communicate feelings –
ask
4. Use active listening skills (SOLER,
APQA) to LISTEN
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silence is your friend
5. Respect child’s need for space
6. Maintain calm demeanor
The Nature of Conflict
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Conflict is “a disagreement
between two or more people
who have differences in goals or
methods for dealing with a
situation”
Normal
 Natural
 Necessary
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Functional and Dysfunctional
Conflict
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Functional
(helpful or
constructive)
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Open
Honest
Calm
Focused
Flexible
Energizing
Creative
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Dysfunctional
(not helpful or
destructive)
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Closed
Deceitful
Tense
Proliferation
Rigid
Draining
Stupifying
Conflict Styles
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Conflict styles are the predominant
ways that people deal with conflict.
Most people rely on one or two
styles that are often defined by
emphasis on concern for the self or
concern for the other.
The goal of an effective conflict
manager is to be able to use any
conflict style when the situation
demands.
Conflict Styles
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Five Styles of Conflict
Competing
Concern
for Self
Collaborating
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating
Concern for Other
Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
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Avoiding: Avoidance can be
either physical and/or
psychological
Accommodating: meeting the
needs of the other person but
ignoring your own needs.
Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
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Competing: a win-lose
orientation in which you try to
maximize your gains
Compromising: “Split the
Difference”
Collaborating: Problem-solving
style in which the parties work
together against the problem.
When Each Style is the Best
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Avoiding
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When the issue is trivial to you
When there is no long-term relationship
When you are the low power party in a
serious power imbalance
Competing
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When the other will be very competitive
When important others expect you to
compete
AND when the stakes are high
When Each Style is the Best
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Accommodating
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When the issue is trivial to you
When harmony in the relationship is all
important
When you are the low power party in a serious
power imbalance
When you want to build trust in the other by
demonstrating a protection of their interests
Compromising
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When there are truly finite resources
When there are no means to increase the
divisible resources
When Each Style is the Best
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Collaborating
When the issue is complex and
requires creativity
 When there is a long-term
relationship
 When their implementation of the
decision is necessary
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Principled Negotiation
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Scholars from the Harvard
Negotiation Project have
suggested ways of dealing with
negotiation from a cooperative
and interest-based perspective.
They call this approach
“principled negotiation” because
it rests on four assumptions or
principles.
Separate the People From
the Problem
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As you identify the problem,
make sure you can distinguish
between the issues to be solved
and the people involved. Try to:
understand their perceptions
 monitor their emotions
 communicate effectively
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Focus on Interests NOT
Positions
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A position is a tangible outcome that
someone argues for. An interest is
the reason why that outcome is
desired and an underlying concern
about the problem.
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there are usually multiple interests for any
issue
you don’t have to have common interests to
find a solution that meets them all
the more you understand your interests and
the other party’s interests, the better able
you are to find a solution or solutions that will
produce mutual and lasting satisfaction.
Invent Options for Mutual
Gain - Brainstorm
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This is a process of creating as
many solutions as possible BEFORE
you evaluate them to decide which
are the best options.
Otherwise, good ideas never have a
chance to be suggested and
discussed because people are too
busy arguing over the first ideas
introduced.
Find Good Criteria
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Choosing a good solution or
solutions (remember you can have
more than one), depends on making
sure that the criteria for solutions are
considered legitimate by the parties.
The criteria come from
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interests already identified by the
parties, especially common interests
shared by all parties
external rules or policies that must be
followed