NONPROFIT
ORGANIZATION
U.S. POSTAGE PAID
NORFOLK VA
PERMIT NO 365
Vol. 13 Issue 2
February 2014
Meetings:
The Tidewater Chapter of
the Compassionate Friends
meets the 3rd Tuesday at
7:00 pm each month, except
December, at the Kempsville
Presbyterian Church at 805
Kempsville Road, Virginia
Remembering You
With Love
Forever
Beach, VA
Next Meetings are:
What Should I Expect?
Tues, Feb. 18, 2014
Tues, Mar 18, 2014
Tues, Apr 15, 2014
Chapter Leaders:
Maureen & Bill Harman
(757) 484-8161
Newsletter Editor:
Maureen Harman (757) 484-8161
Treasurer:
Audrey Viands
The mission of The Compassionate
Friends is to assist families
toward the positive resolution of
grief following the death of a
child of any age and to provide
information to help others be
supportive.
www.tcftidewater.org
Chapter Phone: 757-484-8161
Chapter E-mail: billandmoe@msn.com
Chapter Mailing Address:
Maureen and William Harman
3304 Bruin Drive
Chesapeake, VA 23321
Contents
What Should I
Expect
Pennies from
Heaven
Fear of
Forgetting
Birthdays
Anniversaries
News from the
National Office
1
2
3
4
5
6
In Case of
Inclement
Weather
Love Gifts
Contacts
6
7
7
When a grieving family member first
attends a TCF meeting, they may be so full of
emotional pain that they can only sit and
listen. To talk might require more emotional
composure and energy than they currently
possess. Others, fresh in their grief and quite
possibly still residing in shock, might choose
to talk non-stop; others may choose to hide
their tears and actually find ways to joke
about life. All of those ways are considered
normal and acceptable. But, either way,
talking or listening, laughing or crying,
dialogue with other families who know and
understand what you are going through will
eventually be of extraordinary benefit.
Sometimes parents attend a couple
meetings of The Compassionate Friends
hoping for a ninety-minute miracle. Then
when the pain remains, or actually becomes
more intense as it surfaces, they decide not
to attend any more meetings, where painful
memories might evoke tears. Sometimes the
newly bereaved just don’t have enough
physical energy to attend a meeting. They
struggle just to make it through the day.
Page
Vol 13, Issue 2
Vol 13, Issue 2
2
Others assume the mistaken belief that if you just don’t dwell on
it, it will get better with time. These parents may try to force the grief down
deep inside, and some people carry the unexpressed pain inside for
years, where it continues to simmer and fester until it manifests in serious
physical consequences.
Unresolved grief does not go away. It can be eased or masked
for a time with drugs, and often a parent turns to tranquilizers, antidepressants, or other medicinal chemicals with unknown risk, seeking
permanent relief from the emotional devastation. But true healing occurs
through a long process involving time, love and understanding of others,
and by acknowledging, discussing and ultimately learning to accept all
the feelings and experiences which surrounded your loss.
It takes inordinate courage to confront the Demon of Death and
the loss of a child. It also requires a certain amount of love and care for
your fellow human beings to continue to share with other newly bereaved.
But ultimately, when we decide to walk this walk with The Compassionate
Friends, the love and support we offer to one another—as together we
travel the road to healing—brings comfort, strength, understanding and
finally, a newfound sense of purpose in our life. We are not alone, and by
truly caring for one another we can help each other go way beyond “just
surviving,” or “getting over it.” We are truly sorry for your loss and we
extend ourselves to you with compassion and love.
Sharon Steffke © June, 1998
TCF Downriver One Heart Chapter, MI
PENNIES FROM HEAVEN
Dear Nicholas,
I'd like to thank you for sending me so many pennies from heaven.
People may think, "Sure your son sends you pennies from heaven". If
they could see the moments, feel the feeling, be in the circumstances,
then they too would know, for sure, this love, comfort and care you
send in the simple way of making sure I have that penny! Only once in
100 months was there a DOUBLE PENNY! You and I both know what
that was. God's hand, His miracle, working within that very special
moment that we shared. So thank you God, for my miracle NICHOLAS.
For his life. For all my special moments and memories and comforts.
I LOVE YOU NICKAPOODIE!!
Love,
Mom
XOXO
Written by Robin Brinn
Member of TCF Tidewater Chapter
Page 7
Love Gifts
A love gift is a living memorial to our child, usually given on
anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Since there is no charge
for newsletters, meetings, etc., we depend solely on donations,
which are tax deductible.
“Love gifts” should be made payable to “Compassionate Friends”
and sent to: Compassionate Friends, c/o Audrey Viands, 3700
Northwood Court, Virginia Beach, VA
23452
We thank you for the love gifts we have received for our February
Newsletter:
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Dawn and Harry Batzel, “in loving memory of Kathy Marie
Roberts. We miss you always, sweet angel in heaven.
Love,
Dawneepoo and your brown eyed Dad.”
Robin Brinn,in loving memory of her son, Nicholas Rosso.
“Happy 24th my forever “Sweet 16 Nicholas.” It has been 100
short long months. I LOVE YOU NICKAPOODE! XOXO”
Warren and Gayle Channel, “in loving memory of our dear son, Ned
Channel, with love from his Mom and Dad. (birthday Feb. 1st)
Chris and Michelle Dillman, “in loving memory of our son,
Stephen Dillman on his birthday, January 27th”
Maureen and Bill Harman, “in loving memory of our son, Terry
Peppers”
Lillian Miller, “in loving memory of my beloved and precious
son, Steven Henry Cutler”
William and Patricia Morgan, in loving memory of their son,
David Morgan.
With special remembrance on his birthday,
January 9th
Audrey and Charlie Viands, in loving memory of their son,
Jason Holmes, for his 32nd birthday (Feb 14). “We miss you
even more today then we did yesterday. Forever baby”.
Beverly W. Weems, “in loving memory of my daughter, Aisha
Waiters”
Would you like someone to talk to? A
caring friend with a listening heart?
These members have offered to help:
Bill & Maureen Harman (757) 484-8161
(Chapter Leaders)
Patty Quirk – (757) 321-0991
Robin Brinn – (757) 287-7700
Norm & Betty Lou Everett – (757) 961-9076
Contacts
The National Office of TCF:
The Compassionate Friends, National
Office
P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL
60522
Toll free no: (877) 969-0010
Regional Coordinator:
Kathy Collins(703) 425-9504
Message from the Editor
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The newsletter is sent out to be copied and mailed the last week of each month. To make sure your “love
gift” is acknowledged in the newsletter, it needs to be received no later than the 24th of each month. Thank
you so much for your continued support.
Per the guidelines provided by TCF National Office newsletters may not list actual dates (birth dates/death
anniversaries) … Month/day/Year
Copyright ©2014 The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
Page 6
Vol 13, Issue 2
(cont)
Page 3
Vol 13, Issue 2
The Fear of Forgetting
But lately, I wonder is my fear of forgetting my memories really
necessary? Does it make me a bad mother that I can’t remember more
moments I shared with her? Of course not. Does it mean my love for her
will fade with the memories? Absolutely not. While I wish I could
remember more specific memories of time that I shared with her, I will try
to be content knowing that I will never forget how much I love my
daughter, or how much she means to me. I will never forget her
personality quirks, her vivid imagination, and endless creativity. And I will
never forget how her life – and her death – have helped me grow
tremendously in my understanding of this life and how best to live it.
Maria Kubitz
TCF Contra Costa County, CA
In Memory of my daughter, Margareta
News from the National Office
Please visit our chapter website:
www.tcftidewater.org
For news on the 37th National Conference to be held
in Chicago, IL July 11 – 13, 2014
And
Information on how to apply for the Tony Brown
Foundation scholarship to the 37th National
Conference.
In case of inclement weather –
When weather conditions cause area cancellations, please
call Maureen & Bill Harman at 484-8161 for information
about our meeting. Notification may also be found on
WAVY.com and FOX43TV.com.
Note: If there are area
closings, Kempsville
Presbyterian Church will
most likely close as well.
When my daughter died just after turning four years old, one of my
biggest fears has been that she will be forgotten. But lately, I've been
asking myself what does that really mean? What am I really scared of?
The idea that she will be forgotten is actually two separate fears. The
first is that due to the notion of “out of sight, out of mind,” friends and even
family will stop thinking of her and, in essence, “forget her.” In reality, this is
the natural course of life. I have beloved relatives and dear friends who
have passed, and yet I rarely think of them. Does it mean they didn’t exist,
or had any less impact on my life? No. Nor does it mean I love them any
less. What it does represent is that life goes on, and current matters
occupy our minds.
I think my fear is actually rooted in the reality of family and friends no
longer talking about my daughter or – from my perspective – thinking of
her, which feels as though it further isolates me from the “normal” world. It
has been years since she died, and yet the pain is ever present and my
daily thoughts are still filled with memories and longing for my daughter.
Other than the news sensationalizing death and destruction to grab our
attention for ratings, our society tends to not want to talk about grief or the
lingering pain of loss after the funeral is over. So I go about my business
and lead two lives: the “normal” one that goes about living a “normal” life,
and the “private” one where I still struggle to figure out how to work through
the pain of grief while learning to once again embrace the love, joy, and
adventures that surround me.
The second part of my fear has to do with me and my memory. With my
daughter no longer physically here, memories of her have become
precious commodities. Those few memories of specific moments captured
in time allow me to momentarily remember not just who she was, but
remember life before the pain of her death forever changed me and my
world. But with every passing day, and with all the new information coming
in, those memories tend to get crowded out and forgotten. All those
everyday moments that I took for granted at the time have already faded
into the abyss of memories lost to time. It makes me sad that her older
brothers say that they have very few specific memories of her. It makes me
sadder that her baby brother never had the chance to meet her, and will
have to rely on our stories and descriptions of her if he ever wants to get to
know her.
To combat this fear, I have tried to write down as many memories as I
can – even if they are mundane. I keep them in a journal, and some I post
to www.aliveinmemory.org to share them with others. This way I can refer
back to them and share them with whoever is interested in reading them.
Her brothers can read them and share them with their eventual families.
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Vol. 13, Issue 2
Page 4
Vol. 13, Issue 2
Page 5
Our Children
Remembered Always
We miss you terribly …We celebrate the birth of
these, our children in February
*Ned Channel-Feb. 1 – son of Gayle and Warren Channel
*Larry Brown Jr.-Feb. 2-son of Melodie & Larry Brown
*Allie Gable-Feb. 4-daughter of Bill and Mary Gable
*James E. Hayden-Feb. 4-son of Inez Sandford
*Nicholas Rosso-Feb. 5-son of Robin Brinn
*Cody Benbrook-Feb. 6-son of Jerry Benbrook
*Roberta Schiff-Feb. 7-daughter of Bessie Finder
*David Michael Pedersen-Feb. 7-son of Pam & Dean Pedersen
*Eric Jay Richmond-Feb. 8-son of Warren Richmond
*Gregory Butler-Feb. 9-son of Susan Krohn
*Chris Boykin-Feb. 10-son of Sandra McKee
*Scott James Roberson-Feb. 11-son of Linda and Frank Roberson
*Travis Carroll-Feb. 12-son of Debra Jo Sahr
*Andrea Deller-Feb. 13-daughter of Bliss and Keith Sellers
*Nicholas Ash-Feb. 13-grandson of Diane Turek
*Melissa Ann Freeman Jenkins-Feb 14-daughter of Ann & Dennis
Freeman
*Jason Holmes-Feb. 14-son of Audrey and Charlie Viands
*Christopher Partin-Feb. 15-son of Priscilla and Lawrence Partin
*Kathy Marie Roberts-Feb. 16-daughter of Butch and Shirley Roberts
*Brian Forman-Feb. 16-son of Chuck & Etta Forman
*Mikey Boykin-Feb. 17-son of Sandra McKee
*Brent G. Martin-Feb. 19-son of Louie & Barbara Martin
*Andrew C. Franklin-Feb. 19-son of Homer & Corine Franklin
*Julia Christal Matthews-Feb. 19-daughter of Ola Ray Matthews
*Griffith Hall Lohman Jr.-Feb. 19-son of Julia Lohman
*Ashley Haskell-Feb. 19-daughter of Michael & Vivian Haskell
*Mark Harris-Feb. 20-son of Brenda Harris
*Jonathan Adkins-Feb. 22-son of Sherry and Lee Williams
*Erin D. Flynn-Feb. 22-daughter of Sue Dunford
*Kelvin Buggs-Feb. 23-son of Rome Buggs
*Billy Ligon-Feb. 23-son of Christine & Bill Bendit
*Desiree Coral Harrelson-Feb. 25-daughter of Charlie & Charlene Harrelson
*Ronald Craig Lawyer-Feb. 26-son of Marjorie & Milton Lawyer
*Kevin L. Crisp-Feb. 27-son-in-law of Sandra Malaterre Pipkin
*Clarence D. Wilkins-Feb. 28-son of Georgetta Wilkins
*Charles Buck Jr.-Feb. 28-son of Charles & Mary Buck
But especially in the month of February. We honor and
remember these, our children, on the anniversary of their
deaths.
*Jaime Hancock-22 yrs. old-Feb. 1-daughter of Muriel Hancock
*Aisha Waiters-19 yrs. old-Feb 1-daughter of Beverly Weems
*Jonathan Adkins-25 yrs. old-Feb 3-son of Sherry and Lee Williams
*Cindy Davis-36 yrs old-Feb. 4-daughter of Irwin and Bonita Coons
*James W. Register-14 yrs. old-Feb. 7-son of Margaret Gray Julian
*Chris Boykin-31 yrs. old-Feb. 9-son of Sandra McKee
*Gregory Butler-28 yrs. old-Feb. 10-son of Susan Krohn
*Lee Carey-37 yrs. old-Feb. 11-son-in-law of Cathy Thompson
*David Guill-34 yrs. old-Feb. 11-son of Barbara Coluzzi
*Scott James Roberson-23 yrs. old-Feb. 12-son of Linda and Frank Roberson
*Rick Rysko-45 yrs. old-Feb. 15-son of Lucille Field
*Weslea Teraberry-4 yrs. old-Feb. 15-daughter of Chantal Teraberry
*Sean Nadeau-20 yrs. old-Feb. 16-son of Ann & Rusty Nadeau
*Kevin DeRoche-19 yrs. old-Feb. 17-son of Richard & Terry DeRoche
*James Michael Greer-33 yrs. old-Feb. 17- son of Dianna Stookey
*Kevin Schall-39 yrs. old-Feb. 18-son of Linda & Tommy Ridings
*Rachel Broome-7 yrs. old-Feb. 19-daughter of Kelly and Jesse Broome
*Anthony Dale Lange-20 yrs. old-Feb. 21-son of Ann L. Lange
*Terry Peppers-21 yrs. old-Feb. 21-son of Bill & Maureen Harman
*Scott Ricks-26 yrs. old-Feb. 21-son of Sandy Bodenhamer
*Nikolas Dozier-5 yrs. old-Feb. 22-son of Christine Spruill
*Danielle Howerton-8 yrs. old-Feb. 22-daughter of Vanessa & Tim Howerton
*Ryan Braunbeck-10 yrs. old-Feb. 23-son of Shirley Flumerfelt
*Sylvia Roman-15 yrs. old-Feb. 23-daughter of Arsenio & Lillian Ramirez
*Kristen Smith-38 yrs. old-Feb. 23-daughter of Kay Smith
*Christa Maria Disisto-19 yrs. old-Feb. 24-daughter of Joyce Disisto
*Tony Battaglia-30 yrs. old-Feb. 24-brother of Deanna Barrie
*Daniel Rowe-3 ½ yrs. old-Feb. 24-son of Rose Moffitt
*Desiree Harrelson-3½ hours old-Feb. 25-daughter of Charlie & Charlene
Harrelson
*Malissa Eisenhauer-38 yrs. old-Feb. 26-sister of Melony Cornelius
*Suzanne Herman-41 yrs. old-Feb. 26-daughter of Henry and Louise Boruch
*James “Clint” Flythe-19 yrs. old-Feb. 27-son of Lokie and Dawn Flythe
*Nathan Moss-23 yrs. old-Feb. 27-son of Debbie Moss
*Athena Petersimes-27 yrs. old-Feb. 28-daughter of Armetha Bell