Karly Modesti
Writing Sample
Relational Dialectics Theory
Interpersonal:
Relational Dialectics Theory put relationships into perspective. The
perspective of tensions of contradiction leading to change in a relationship, many
individuals involved in relationships experienced the push-pull tensions, and went
through stages of the relationship. Some stages explained and separated in subcategories were the following: Dialectic of Segration-Seperation, which explained, is
the tension between mixing within society, and also keeping a line of separation
from society. Second, Dialectic of Stability-Change was thought of the tension
between staying, and leaving in the relationship. Third was Dialectic of ExpressionPrivacy, this identified the spoken language in the relationship, and what was left
unspoken. The study explained relational aspects, and concluded with metaphors as
these relationships progressed. Pawlowski mapped the metaphors into five main
themes: attraction, development, uncertainty, unsettled, and content. When
relationships were examined the tensions were viewed as either internal or
external. Internal factors consisted of factors within the relationships and included
connection-autonomy, predictability-novelty, and openness-closedness. These
factors were internal because they have to do with tensions between the two people
within the relationship. The external factors had to do with a larger scale and
involved more of a social group. External factors included Inclusion-Seclusion,
Conventionality-Uniqueness, and Revelation-Concealment. The main aspect of this
study was searching for development of relationships through this theory while
using metaphors to better understand interpersonal relationships. They found
individuals in relationships use metaphors to convey how they feel within that
relationship. They tied this back to the theory saying tensions within the
relationship cause us to come up with our own metaphors. People at different
stages of the relationship had different metaphors to explain their partner, but
embedded within all the stages was still tension, and many push-pull factors. The
significance about what they found helped them identify tensions at different stages
within the relationship. When these stages were identified it made it easier to
distinguish major differenced between a couple at the beginning stages of a
relationship rather than at the end of their relationship. The meaning of this study
showed contradictions within a relationship viewed from metaphors used between
those partners. In this study interdependence is expressed, and noted relationships
do not always go through all the stages, but people within the relationships identify
them at any given stage. The study found internal factors were dominant over
external factors, because tensions usually occur between the two people within that
relationship. As time went on focus of studies as shifted from analysis of intimate
relationships to analysis of what happens after the relationship is established.
The next study was done from a Communication Studies Professor from the
University of South Dakota. The article observed the relational tensions of joining a
new family circle. The author studied the building of relationships amongst in-laws,
and how a new spouse is introduced into the new adult family. The article first
focused on the stages of socialization. The first stage identified was investigation.
This stage is when the other family members evaluate the new family member, and
they decide whether or not they want to continue on with a new relationship with
this new family member. Stated is the second stage, which is socialization, in this
stage the new family member is accepted. They interacted with the family and tried
to pick up on the way they act toward each other. The third stage is maintenance.
During this stage the individual is accepted into the group, but is not finding a sort of
placement within their family. These all together form the process of socialization.
Tensions may arise within in-laws and the new comer because when a new person
enters the social circle things may change, and people are not always used to
change. The study looked for ties between the stereotypical in-law-newlywed
relationships usually portrayed as unhealthy, and compared it to how interaction
within the family really happens in positive situations. The study found tensions are
on going between these relationships, and those tensions may change or alter the
relationship, but at the same time build it as well. A significant finding was the
contradiction between keeping the life of their previous family, but also building
relationships with their new family. They found most people wanted to maintain a
good relationship with their in-laws just to have a better relationship with their
significant other. They observed individuals begin to manage these tensions once
they are present, and noted tensions will always be present. These tensions will
change over time as the new person in the family becomes more comfortable. The
significance of this study developed a new view of in-laws, and parted from the
stereotypical awful in-law relationship. Families can be viewed as small groups.
Relationships within the family were interdependent upon each other, and showed
how a new person joining a familiar social circle can have major impacts of any
relationship within that social group. After looking at family and intimate
relationships, the next study focused more on cultural aspects within a friendship
group. The author Goines was in communication studies, and examined Black
friendship groups as a sense of a home place. The study examined African American
females through their stories and concluded with four main contradictions within
those stories. The first was finances, spending/saving. Second was language,
good/bad English. Third was appearance, satisfaction/dissatisfaction, and last was
race, acceptance/rejection of otherness. They found females in this study had a lot
of connection within their friendship groups. The study stated free expression was
primarily significant within these friendships. The concept of finances expressed
stories of individuals within the friendship group explained how they either spent
money on a certain item or saved money by not purchasing an item. They observed
some bad language being used, but accepted amongst others. Even though most of
the participants had doctorate degrees this language was accepted within their
friendship circle, but would have been frowned upon in society. Appearance was
spoken openly amongst the participants. For example if one person said they have
been working out lately, someone else may respond with a contradiction of even
though you’ve been working out you still eat a lot. Since everyone was of the same
race it did not come up as often as the other topics, because there is some sense of
mutual understanding between people of the same race. They believe they have
gone through the same experiences as each other, and there isn’t as much
contradiction compared to the other topics.
Cultural effects, family, and friendships are all relationships that demonstrate
tensions amongst them. They distinctly showed how interaction within these
relations might cause change as time progressed. The studies have evolved over
time and observed individuals are interdependent on each other. In order to build
relationships everyone involved has to deal with the ongoing tensions experienced.