RESOURCES
For Student Veterans
Student Veterans of America
http://www.studentveterans.org/
A coalition of student veterans groups from college campuses across the US which
works to develop new student groups, coordinate between student groups and advocate
on behalf of student veterans at local, state and national levels
Veterans Hotline
1-888-777-4443 (Daily 9 am – 9 pm, PST) to speak directly with a trained veteran about
challenges you are facing or questions you have about services and benefits.
You can also chat online with a counselor at http://www.nvf.org/pages/resouce-center
Adjusting to Life at Home
http://www.oefoif.va.gov/
Find information on health and education benefits, support services and ways to link up
with other veterans.
Online Community for Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans
http://communityofveterans.org/
Connect with other veterans, share information and stories, find mental health resources
and support, and get the latest information on the new G.I. Bill.
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
R ETURNING S ERVICE M EMBERS (OEF/OIF)
http://www.oefoif.va.gov/
Resource for Veteran Students and their Families
http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/College/veteranfamilies.asp
Women Veterans
http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/womenvets.asp
Voice of Veterans at Half of US
http://www.halfofus.com/video/?videoID=47&chapterID=1
Features an MTV-produced video about 4 veteran students and their adjustment to
home and campus
For Family and Friends
National Guard Bureau Joint Service Support
http://www.jointservicessupport.org/
The Emotional Cycle of Deployment: Military Family Perspective
http://www.hooah4health.com/deployment/familymatters/emotionalcyclesupport.h
tm
Details of emotions that solders and family might experience before, during, and
post-deployment.
Support Your Vet.org
http://supportyourvet.org
Access an online forum and access resources for family and friends of Iraq and
Afghanistan veterans.
Resource Center for Veterans and their Families
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/veterans/
For veterans, their friends and families, the return home is often just the first step in a
longer re-adjustment process. Understanding that every veteran has had a different
experience overseas, the resources on this site run the gamut from transitioning to life at
home, to uncovering signs of emotional problems, to dealing with war trauma.
Helping a Family Member with Post-Traumatic Stress
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/helping_a_family_member.html
If a family member or close friend has been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress, there
are lots of ways to be supportive. Learn how to help, how to handle the good days and
bad days, and how to keep your relationship healthy and strong.
For Significant Other
Military Significant Other Support
http://www.militarysos.com/
MilitarySOS.com provides a comfortable, positive environment for military spouses and
significant others to not only receive support, but to also vent, celebrate and come
together in a place where everyone has something in common - a Military Significant
Other .
I am a military girlfriend
http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-A-Military-Girlfriend/42844
On line support group and resources
Film Resources
Documentary
HBO War Torn: 1861-2010
http://www.hbo.com/documentaries/wartorn18612010/index.html#/documentaries/wartorn-1861-2010
Restrepo
http://restrepothemovie.com
Brothers at War
http://brothersatwarmovie.com
BRATS: Our journey home
http://www.bratsourjourneyhome.com
Flat Daddy
http://www.refresheverything.com/flatdaddydoc
Mental Valor
http://www.insupportofourtroops.com/mental-valor-documentary/
Movies & TV shows
Dear John
The Hurt Locker
An officer and a gentleman
Walk in their shoes
Army Wives
List of Reading for Support Group Facilitators
Chapin, M. (2009). Deployment and families: Hero stories and horror stories. Smith college
studies in social work, 79, 263-282. doi: 10.1080/003773130316
Darwin, J. (2009). Families: “They also serve who only stand and wait”. Smith college studies in
social work, 79, 433-442. doi:10.1080/00377310903131454
Davis, J., Ward, D.B., & Storm, C. (2011). The unsilencing of military wives: wartime
deployment experiences and citizen responsibility. Journal of marital and family therapy,
37, 51-63. doi:10.111/j.17520606.2009.00154.x
Davis, H., & Treiber, F.A. (2007). Perceived stress, heart rate, and blood pressure among
adolescents with family members, deployed in Operation Iraq Freedom, Military
medicine, 172, 40-43.
Demers, A. (2009). The war at home: Consequences of loving a veteran of the Iraq and
Afghanistan. Internet journal of mental health, 15312491, 20090101, 6
Fontaine, S. (2009, November 22). It’s marriage license that counts for military. The News
Tribune.
Hoshmand, L.T., & Hoshmand, A.L. (2007). Support for military families and communities.
Journal of community psychology, 35, 171-180. dio:10.1002/jcop.20141
Terruso, J. (2010, September 4). Online support for significant others of military personnel
overseas. The Philadelphia Inquirer.
I’m at School, My Friend/Loved One is at War
While all of us are faced with the unknown consequences of war, an increasing number of
students will also be faced with growing concerns about friends and loved ones who have been
(or may soon be) deployed for military service. These students, like the young adults of previous
wartime generations, express feelings commonly associated with the trauma of military
deployment (e.g., fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.), with particular apprehension about what
they will experience if their friends go into actual combat.
These students are describing completely normal responses to an abnormally troubling situation.
Nevertheless, they must face the issue of how best to cope with the deployment and possible
combat involvement of their friends and relatives. From my perspective, perhaps the single most
critical challenge for these students is to sustain a focus not on their fears but focus on what does
remain under their control.
To you students, I suggest that it is important to take care of yourself and to attempt to go about
"business as usual," (as much as you can) while allowing for more talk/processing time in your
week (i.e. using University Counseling Center @477-1481). Some students may mistakenly
conclude that, given the risks being faced by their friends in the military, their own personal
needs and academic pursuits are insignificant. This is not true. If you allow yourself to decay
intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you will soon be of no use to yourself or
anyone else. In fact, you may actually become a source of concern for others, adding to their
existing burden and making it more difficult for them to cope.
It is best to:
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Take it day by day. Stick to the academic, work, and social schedules that give structure to your
daily life. There is comfort in familiar routines.
Try to eat well and get enough rest.
Exercise regularly; anything you enjoy that is active is good for your body and your mind at times
of high stress/anxiety.
Avoid excesses in alcohol and other drugs.
Limit your exposure to the emotionally draining impact of television war coverage. The demands
of the twenty-four-hour-a-day news cycle encourage the media to inflate even the most minor
events into "breaking news." Is it really going to benefit you to watch the same bomb footage over
and over again?
Do, not stew. Worrying about that which you can do nothing about leads to more worry-a vicious
spiral. Find something to do, even if that is as simple as writing out your thoughts and feelings in
a journal, rather than just stewing with them.
Spend time with people that you care about and do things with them that you enjoy.
Seek perspective and comfort from spiritual leaders and others in your community.
If you are struggling, talk about your feelings with friends and family who can accept how you feel
and what you think without question. If things become more overwhelming, contact the
Counseling Center (477-1481) and request an appointment to air out your concerns
While the previously listed suggestions are all important to coping effectively with deployment/
out and find meaningful ways to be helpful to others, especially your friends in the military. For
example, just like freshman at Shippensburg University, service members are overjoyed to get a
letter, card, or package from home. Consistent efforts to communicate with your friends who
have been deployed can do wonders to raise their morale and strengthen them for the challenges
that they face. In fact, some incredibly moving and courageous compositions have been written
between soldiers and their friends and loved ones (if you are interested, do a Google search for
the 1861 letter written by Sullivan Ballou to his wife Sarah during the American Civil War).
However, communicating with deployed military personnel can be complicated, especially
during times of war, so a couple things you should consider are:
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The frequency is probably more important than the length of the communications.
The military services will not provide you with contact information for your friends. Their parents
and/or spouses should have the required information.
While all service members will have email accounts, it is unlikely that electronic communications
will be "instant." Due to variables such as mission activity and the availability of computers, a
soldier's response may be delayed for a week or more. Technological advancements have led
some to speculate that, similar to the old practice of waiting in long lines at a phone booth to call
home, soldiers will now be standing in long lines waiting to use computers for e-mail.
Snail-mail letters and cards are still one of the least expensive and most satisfactory ways to stay
in touch with military personnel. Their advantage is that they can be reread during lonely
moments or at times when other forms of communication are not available. Military postal
systems will be set up near units, and estimates are that delivery times will average about ten
days. Letters composed on a computer can be saved and collected in a book to be presented
upon your friend's return.
If you are sending a package, check out the United States Postal Service website
(www.usps.com) for information about what can and cannot be shipped to various locations. Be
creative with your packages. Send photos, silly toys, newly released CDs, and interesting home
newspaper and articles. Make sure any food items are not perishable. Because of the high cost of
calling home, phone cards are an especially welcomed and valued gift to include in letters and
packages. Be sure to research the rules and restrictions of phone cards before your purchase.
Your friends may not be able to share much information about their location or mission. At the
same time, they may talk passionately about their unit and their desire to serve their country. This
enthusiasm is essential to your friends' success and safety in combat, and it is important for you
to recognize and honor this part of their experience.
Even if you have doubts about the wisdom of going to war, it is important to keep your
communications positive, upbeat, and supportive. Humorous stories about family and/or shared
friends can transcend global distances and help service members feel close and connected to the
important people in their lives.
If you decide you would like to extend your good will efforts beyond your friend, you can inquire if
there is anyone in his or her unit who is not getting mail and request contact information for that
person. The National Military Family Association (www.nmfa.org) can provide additional
information about more general efforts to support our service men and women.
In closing, while it may seem premature at this point, you might begin to contemplate and
prepare for your friend's return to the States. Friends and loved ones of military service members
frequently have fantasies of what the reunion will be like, often harboring a strong desire to
return to "the way we were." However, the passage time and the experience of being deployed,
not to mention the potentially life-altering impact of armed combat, can result in dramatic
changes both within and between people. It is important to be willing to spend the time necessary
to slowly reacquaint with one another and to reestablish the relationship on both old and new
terms.
Source: Counseling Center, University of New Hampshire http://www.unhcc.unh.edu/resources/friend-atwar.html
Tips on Respectful Communication with Veterans
It's not surprising that it's sometimes easier for veterans to talk to each other than to
civilians who may not fully understand their experiences. But on campus, it's important
that civilians and veterans can communicate as members of the same college
community. Sometimes veterans get frustrated because they are asked insensitive or
inappropriate questions. Likewise, other students may feel uncomfortable talking to
veterans because they don't know what is appropriate and what is off limits.
How
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to Welcome Veterans to Campus:
Welcome them home
Express your appreciation of their services
Offer to help with their transition to (or back to) campus
Support with patience and listening
Understand that the transition home is a process and can take time
Good ways to start a conversation:
 What was your job and where did you go while in the military? (Remember: while
many do, not all veterans serve in Iraq and Afghanistan)
 How are you and your family doing?
Topics to avoid when speaking with a veteran:
 Pressuring a veteran regarding specifics about their service they choose not to
share with you
 Minimizing the challenges a veteran might face
 Making assumptions about any veteran’s political or foreign policy views
 Singling out a veteran without prior approval (Let them choose who they tell
about their distinction as a student veteran).
Inappropriate questions:
 Did you kill anyone?
 Did you see anyone die?
 Are you glad that you’re back?
 Do you have to go back?
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Do you think we are wining over
there? Is it all worth it?
Remember, even when approached respectfully, student veterans might not want to talk
about their deployment, which is completely understandable. Reaching out is still
important, and you'll most likely find there are many other things to
Half of US, http://www.halfofus.com/veterans/respectfulcommunication.aspx
I am a military girlfriend
I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am
at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a
parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of
those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.
I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no
matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a
commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that
he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the
worst of times.
I am a military girlfriend. There is no ring on my finger that symbolizes our
commitment. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions… smiling with tears
in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief
communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volumes and
gives me the strength to keep going.
I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto
every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his
smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will
not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but
wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.
I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my
love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn
away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories
of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who
will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and
deep sadness, and tears beyond my control.
I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or family member. When you say your
prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me.
Common Experience among Military Significant Others
1.) If she wasn't emotional before, that is all about to change.
2.) You getting a higher rank could just mean an automatic free lay.
3.) Get her a pair of dog tags, ASAP, This is crucial, she will never take them off.
4.) Most of the time, you losing reception during training is your fault. (Though, she will
eventually understand)
5.) Most of the time, everything is your fault.
(This especially goes for when she is pregnant)
6.) She WILL start talking like your guys and you talk, including using your last names.
7.) Her patriotism could out-do most of your men... she will be proud... VERY proud.
8.) Be Ready: your car will end up with a yellow ribbon magnet or an "I LOVE MY _____"
sticker eventually.
(if you have separate cars, hers will DEFINITLY have these)
9.) She will most likely need a pair of dog tags to hang from the car's rear view mirror. (see
3)
10.) Every week she'll have "another song" that makes her think of you when you're away.
(And she'll cry to it, even when you're in the same room)
11.) If you’re married, she may know the base better than you do... Don't take it personal.
12.) You will catch her comparing your relationship with "other couples" in the military
constantly.
13.) She'll make 5 million friends online, and talk to you about them all the time because
her "old friends just don't understand" like they do.
14.) Don't be shocked when she just drops civilian chicks out of her life like flies.
(she mostly does this when they complain to her)
15.) DO NOT if you love her, say anything about you not wanting to make her wait for you...
(TRUST me men, YOU ARE WORTH every breath to these women, or they wouldn't be here)
16.) Most women actually do LOVE it when you are sweaty and dirty, even the girlie girls.
it's sexy as hell.
17.) Only bring up the field once, say it clear, and don't bring it up again. We will remember
the time, the dates, like stone inside our mind.
Don't remind us.
18.) You ARE our hero. That isn't us being cute, it's us swelling with pride, feeling like a
princess everytime we glance over and you're standing there.
19.) Don't worry about waking her up when you get a chance to call, trust me, she's NOT
sleeping.
If she is, she's been waiting for you to call all night, and fell asleep next to the phone.
20.) Leave at least 3 of your shirts for her... she'll wear them all the time and if she doesn’t
wear them out she WILL wear them to sleep.
21.) No matter what she was like before, she is tough & harder than a rock now. She can
handle anything; she will get through it, tears or no tears.
22.) Don’t be discouraged or taken back from her strength. It comes with the territory.
When in your arms, she's still your queen, soft and sweet.
23.) Your kids might see mommy as the one in charge for a while, its okay, they WILL
respect you, just give it time.
24.) EVERYTHING in her life will be complicated, so she might not always get the simple
things you say to her.
25.) Tag Chasers are her WORST enemy, she CAN and WILL spot these girls... random
profane comments may come out of your little queens' mouth...
its okay, she’s protecting her best asset...you.
26.) She will spend hours to look good on camera & pics for you, this is just a pastime until
you get home, be prepared for messy ponytails and comfy pants when you finally do get
home.
27.) Her favorite sentences from you start with "when i get home" or "when i get out".
Lastly guys,
28.) No matter how much she's changed, never forget that you mean the world to her, she
loves you more than anything, and you will ALWAYS be her hero..whether you think you
are one or not.
Holiday Gifts/Things to Get a Solider
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Hand sanitizer
Body wash
Shampoo/conditioner
Deodorant
Razors
Shaving cream
Mouth wash
Foot powder
Chap stick
Wash cloths
Tooth rush
Tooth paste
Band aids
Neosporin
Ace bandage
Icy-hot patches
Bengay
Q-tips
Cotton balls
Tylenol, Advil, Motrin
Vitamins
Beef jerky
Soda, energy drinks
Gum, hard candy
Popcorn
Cookies
Chips
DVDs, video games
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CDs
Cameras
Magazines
Puzzles, games
Books
Air fresheners
Blankets
Santa hats
Christmas trees, decorations
Gloves
Hand warmers, feet warmers
Winter hats
Zippos
Socks
White tee shirts
Sports team hats
Gold bond foot powder
Metal Fork, spoon, knife
Hand lotion
Tweezers
Nail clippers
Batteries
Hair Gel
Photo books
Notebooks
Pens/pencils
Envelopes
stamps