Salam! 2011 was a rough year for evil dictators (Kim Jong Il, Muammar Qadhafi) and evil extremists
(Osama bin Laden) but a great season for the Fridge. Let’s take a moment to weigh in on the high and
(mostly) low points of this latest campaign.

11 years of heartache is not the fantasy Jeff Pohlmann signed up for when he joined Fridge Football for its inaugural season on August 28, 2000.
Pohlmann is one of the most successful people I have ever met. As we get older, it becomes increasingly difficult to separate the man from the myth. He is the guy who wakes the rooster up every morning on his way to the gym. The keys to his Dodge Dynasty operated any Dodge Dynasty ever made. He runs marathons, creates children, deftly codes insurance software, and swiftly cooks massive breakfasts fit for an entire army all before most people have had their morning coffee.
Here's a guy who routinely agonized on Friday nights over homework assignments due in 2 weeks. A popular legend exists that he once received a B in an ethnic studies class because he had never encountered an ethnic person. He outdrank enormous Teutonic Toledo University linemen growing up in Maria Stein, Ohio. Jeff Pohlmann does not text, possibly because he grows weary of receiving live updates regarding his father's superhuman feats of strength.
For whatever reason, the Fridge has shown that sometimes it is better to be lucky than good. For every
McNabb playoff no-show or Adrian Peterson breakdown, there is a Drew Bennett or Aaron Brooks fraudulent outlier. Despite his clockwork effort levels, Jeff has seemingly always been unlucky. In 2008, he charged all the way to the championship round, only to be inexplicably shown the door by the improbable juggernaut led by former 49ers quarterback Shaun Hill. Year 12 saw Pohlmann break on through to the (metaphorical) other side, releasing the (metaphorical) baggage of past years' struggles and claiming a (literal) 350 cash prize and the Fridge trophy. Jeff, we’re glad you finally made it.

Longtime stalwart Maurice Jones-Drew blazed the path for Pohlmann and claimed the Jared S. Fogle playoff MVP trophy with 66 points in the playoffs. Assisting in the strong playoff push was the surprisingly reliable Reggie Bush. Say what you will about Dez Bryant’s character, he was an integral part of Pohlmann’s run. Bryant exhibits highly questionable money management skills despite the fact his mother is an accountant for father's business as a pimp. Numerous opponents tasted the rainbow of
Marshawn Lynch's unfathomable fruity touchdown explosions. Jordy Nelson (who, like Pohlmann is white and athletic) and Phil Rivers (similarly white, conservative, and unlike Pohlmann has 6 children) produced big flourishes at key times. Remarkably, Rivers, who looked more like Joan Rivers in moments this season, was the winning quarterback in the Robert Blake Bowl for the 2nd straight season. Let the record show that Vincent Jackson also played for Pohlmann.
Who says pimpin’ ain’t easy? Jeff Holda’s 2010 Fridge venture was nothing short of an Asian Anal debacle. The Orientals started out strong but dropped their final 9 games to finish dead last in the league. This year, Holda quietly drafted (no shenanigans) and unleashed a powerful fantasy tsunami on his unsuspecting occidental opponents. The hype on keeper Michael Vick and the Eagles coming into this season spread like, well, herpes, yet Vick was horribly inconsistent and error prone. However, first year
Asian Head Coach Mr. Beauregard kept cool under his bandana, pushed all the right buttons, and allowed LeSean McCoy to pick up the slack. McCoy, the best fantasy back this season, was truly the real
McCoy* tallying a ridiculous 17 touchdowns and more than 1600 total yards. Midseason acquisition
Victor Cruz salsa danced his way to our hearts and to the Pro-Bowl. Steve Smith's business card should read Fantasy Lazarus; the Marginal Receiver experienced a Pro-Bowl caliber rise from the dead, amassing a jaw-dropping 1394 yards and 7 scores. Both Willis McGahee and CJ Spiller contributed mightily down the stretch and seem to suggest that Buffalo has a knack for developing (but not necessarily keeping) running backs.

Seasoned Fridge veterans and former league champions George Hawke and Trevor McAleer grabbed 4th and 3rd place respectively. This is really a case of symmetry. Both owners had a similar blueprint for sucess: draft well, acquire solid free agents, and watch your team soil the sheets in week 15. Although his team was oddly inconsistent, Hawke managed to assemble 3 top-10 performers with his first 3 draft selections. Tom Brady distracted the league with his chiseled good lucks and supermodel wife, throwing
16 touchdowns to Calvin Johnson** and handing off successfully to Ray Rice for more than 250 fantasy points. Unfortunately for Hawke, the rest of his team was more erratic than Courtney Love on bath salts.
DeSean Jackson did not want to live in a reality where he was not enormously overpaid, and instead architected one in which he was an enormous whiny bitch who dropped passes and committed foolish personal fouls. Brandon Lloyd showed remarkable ability in spurts, but between the Denver and St.
Louis squads he was on, no one could reliably throw him the ball. Antonio Brown, who Trevor drafted but released, paid big dividends for George late in the season and should be on everyone's radar for next season.

As for Trevor, injuries to Fred Jackson and Ahmad Bradshaw really derailed what was arguably the best team in the league. Surprisingly, Sidney Rice also failed to stay healthy. High draft pick Reggie Wayne was a non-factor owing to the sheer incompetence of the Colts’ quarterbacks. Midseason acquisition
Percy Harvin suddenly became a headache for opposing defenses. Although Trevor was not able to reproduce his 2007 championship run, he was able to reproduce, and his daughter, pictured above, was born and immediately swaddled in the warming wholesomeness of Cleveland Browns apparel. The
Fridge approves.
2011 would have been quite a bit different for several Fridge teams if they were able to stay healthy.
Intrepid league reporter Chen Bin caught up with Robert Picardo, the official holographic doctor of
Fridge Football.
Chen Bin: “Doctor, how did injuries shape the Fridge season this year?”
Doctor: “I have never seen so many key injuries to key players! Jeff Heckler’s team initially looked formidable, but it was behind the 8-ball before the season even began. Peyton Manning’s balky back required season ending surgery. Marques Colston busted up his shoulder in week 1. Running backs Arian
Foster and LeGarrette Blount struggled with knee injuries, and Santana Moss missed half the season with John-Beckitis.
Bin: “But Heckler persevered. He picked up surprising free agents like Cam Newton and Darren Sproles.
What about KPH?”

Doctor: “Look, I’m merely a computer program, but even I can tell you that Kara Holda got screwed six ways from Sunday. Such a rash of injuries! That team could have been a juggernaut in the playoffs, but I was unable to quickly repair Jamaal Charles’ busted knee, DeMarco Murray’s ankle, or Tim Hightower’s torn dreadlock.”
Bin: “How ironic that Kara, a Detroit Lions fan, saw Charles’ knee exploded at the hands of Roary, the
Lions’ mascot?”
Doctor: “As a holographic doctor, I don’t really understand irony. But haven’t you been the beat reporter for like 12 years? Shouldn’t you have been promoted by now? Or is your inherent mediocrity holding you back?”
Bin: “Moving on, what injuries affected Ryan Mitchell’s team?”
Doctor: “Darren McFadden had the worst case of vaginitis I have ever encountered in my vast database of medical knowledge. He simply did not respond to treatment. Also, Miles Austin was lost for most of the fantasy season. Ryan Mathews was generally banged up but I was able to get him back on the field.
Dwayne Bowe was afflicted adversely by a recurring high fever accompanied by delusions of a real quarterback throwing him the ball. To add injury to insult, Rashard Mendenhall blew out his knee in a meaningless game against Cleveland.”
Bin: “Were you able to do anything about Peyton Hillis?”
Doctor: “Unfortunately no. A C-T scan of his cranium revealed a broken mental apparatus. Modern medical science still seeks a cure for such an ailment.”
Bin: “Thanks Doc. Surely we can expect Mitchell, who appeared in the Robert Blake Bowl in 2010, to bounce back with a vengeance next year.”

Without a doubt, the 5th most exciting development in the 2011 Fridge season was former American
Idle Meat’s phoenix-like rise from the ashes of unemployment. After 10 years of planting his buttocks firmly on the schneid, Meat, perhaps inspired by the work ethic of Denver Broncos legend Tim Tebow, got off his duff and proudly joined the ranks of the 99%, occupying an enormous blue coat on his way to delivering the solid value of AT&T U-verse right to your front door. Congratulations to Meat on taking a giant (metaphorical) step towards financial security.
The same success was not realized by the Meat Wagon. Meat’s fantasy football team once again failed to whelm. Since winning it all in 2005, Meat has really failed to make a splash, burning through a series of crappy coaches and keepers. The Wagon was paced by Michael Turner, Greg Jennings, and Brandon
Marshall but keeper Andre Johnson’s hamstrings hamstrung his output. Knowshon Moreno was more like a no-show, and the two-headed quarterbacking duo of Mark Sanchez and Ben Roethlisberger did not inspire but thankfully stayed away from young girls. After going through 3 more head coaches, including Brian “Nautica Brian” Kleinhenz (who seemed more interested in consuming large meals and running long distances than actually coaching), the Woppy Guy Upstairs Who Claims to Have Played
Basketball at Pepperdine With Doug Christie, and NASCAR Tina’s boyfriend, who provided no coaching and just stole the team’s copper pipes for meth, Meat is once again at a fantasy crossroads. Can he right the ship and return to the glory days of 2005? It is as unclear as your lousy cable signal. Get U-verse today!

In the image above, Titans owner Bud Adams instructs Black Community RB Chris Johnson to go for the
2-point conversion. There was no greater disappointment this season than The Black Community, who completely failed to launch in 2011 in its title defense. This squad collapsed like LeBron James inside the
House of Usher inside the World Trade Center during the 4 th quarter of a critical playoff game. Despite solid efforts from TE Rob Gronkowski and WR Larry Fitzgerald, this snake-bitten unit simply could not piece together any wins. They started out 0-8 and you couldn’t go anywhere in the Community locker room without hearing whispers in the air of Eric Doksa (0-13 in 2007) and Jeff Fathauer (1-12 in 2003).
Former league MVP Chris Johnson was the biggest factor in the fall from grace. Johnson not only held out for most of the off-season, but he continued his holdout well into the fantasy season despite being paid handsomely.
Matt Forte answered the call of duty by playing Call of Duty instead of punching it into the end zone.
Kenny Britt, the number 1 fantasy receiver at the time, symbolically blew out his knee in week 3 in a massive karma correction of TBC’s stunning 2-year run to back-to-back titles.
Thanks for a great season! I hope to see you all back again in 2012 for a 13 th installment. Congratulations to Trevor and George for winning money in the picks league at http://www.fridgefootball.com
We may look to revamp the payout structure next season to add some weekly incentives.
The future is now.

Season
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
2002
2001
2000
Champion
Jeff Pohlmann
Dave Nickelsen
Dave Nickelsen
Greg Perry (Twitch)
Trevor McAleer
Jeff Holda
Matt Robson
Brent Fisher
George Hawke
Dave Nickelsen
Shannon Anderson
Steve Miller
Runner-Up
Jeff Holda
Ryan Mitchell
Trevor McAleer
Jeff Pohlmann
Steve Miller
George Hawke
George Hawke
Eric Doksa
Adam Smith
Brad Carey
Jeff Fathauer (Chief)
Brad Carey

*The fake McCoy played QB for Cleveland
** For years, Meat argued that Calvin Johnson was terrible. He is not.
High alert! This man is looking to steal your heart…and the 2012 Fridge Championship!