Writing a Query
Letter
Tuesday, March 11 2014
Presentation by Tom Snow
NightWriters
San Luis Obispo
Part 1 –What’s this Query Letter Stuff?
Part 2 – Essential Details to Include
Part 3 – Writing Your Tagline
Part 4 – Writing Your Mini-Synopsis
Addendum – ‘The Four Legged Stool’
The Excercise – ‘Gone With the Wind’
Part 1 –What’s this Query Letter Stuff?
Who Gets Your Query Letter?
• Make sure you have an appropriate agent for your genre.
•Target literary agents and use the latest primary references:
 Jeff Herman’s Guide To ...
 2012 Writer’s Market
 AgentQuery.com
 Publisher's Marketplace
 The Association of Author's Representatives
 Preditors and Editors - an industry watch group
NB: Writer’s Relief: For $150, they will research and select the 25+ best markets for your work.
Formatting Your Queries
Format guidelines exist to make it easier for the editors to
handle your manuscript in the most convenient and
efficient way and will vary greatly. Be sure to follow them!
Formatting rules may include things like:
• Submission by email, mail or both, and to where (central)
• Inclusions - a long or short synopsis, chapter breakdown,
1st 10 pages, 1st 50, 1st chapter, separate Bio, etc.
• Spacing, use of a certain font, font size, indentations, single-sided, lines
between paragraphs, etc.
Via Email:
• what to put in the subject line of email (usually ‘Query Letter for <title>’)
• All text to be within the body of the email – no attachments – no pictures
Via Mail:
• What to include on the outside of your envelope
• Inclusion of a SASE for easy return of your hardcopy manuscript or excerpt
Making Good
First Impressions
• Bad spelling / grammar / punctuation in a query is a BIG turn-off. Everyone
makes a typo now and then, especially when they’re nervous. But if the
errors are glaring enough that it’s clear to me that you couldn’t take the
time to spellcheck and read over your cover letter, then:
• you’re not serious enough about writing to be published, or ...
• you just don’t see that those errors are even there, in which case I can
predict that your manuscript will be in the same state. That’s a lot of extra
work for me.
Components of a Query Letter
Professional, courteous greeting
There are bonus points for addressing it to the
right person.
Intro with Essential Information and
Tagline (The ‘Elevator Pitch’ – ‘The Hook’)
Mini-Synopsis (Blurb) – a paragraph(s)
with a longer description of your work (third
person - present tense!). Like you want your
book cover to read.
Bio - A brief paragraph about your published
or otherwise relevant credits, if appropriate.
Organizations, workshops, classes,
conferences, awards, published works
Professional closing - polite, with your
name and contact information.
NB: Always one page - 150 to 200 words
Ethan Ellenberg Literary Agency
548 Broadway, #5E
New York, NY 10012
February 24, 2014
Dear Mr. Ellenberg,
I am submitting for your consideration my newly completed novel of 73,500+ words called ‘The
Pope Goes Speed Dating’. It is a contemporary romantic comedy set in Australia that explores
how the life of a young woman is turned on its head by her unexpected inheritance of a lifelong
endowment and a mansion on Bondi Beach, provided she permanently engages the services of
her late grandfather’s English butler.
The novel is a humorous, yet poignant, portrayal of how Summer Pennington and her close-knit
group of friends are all deeply affected by the arrival of a uniquely talented, witty and principled
young English butler, and of how his life is transformed by the close relationship that is forged
with his new charge. Whilst the storyline’s primary theme is about the vagaries of love, it unfolds
amidst a background of jealousy, betrayal, prejudice, violence, corporate abuse and a dark secret
that roils within this mysterious interloper.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to own a slave? How would your closest
relationship be affected if you were suddenly granted the power to make all the decisions?
This project incorporates my experiences of living in Australia for the past twenty-two years, and
features the natural splendor of its landscapes, its unique flora and fauna, the quaint charms and
customs of its people and their distinctive language and humor. I believe this book would also
lend itself well to a screen adaptation, and would possibly appeal to those who enjoy such offbeat
comedies as ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’, ‘Love Actually’ and ‘As Good as It Gets’.
I have recently moved my family back to the US, where I currently serve on the Board of
NightWriters as director of their 25th Annual Golden Quill Awards, participate in various critique
groups within the community and write on a full time basis. I am publishing a work of crime
fiction soon, with a sequel to follow later this year.
Thank you for considering my query. This is a multiple submission to a select handful of agents. I
am seeking a literary agent with whom I can enter into a long-term, mutually beneficial
relationship, and I hope that you are that person. I look forward to hearing from you at your
earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
Tom L. Snow
219 B Farroll Ave.
Arroyo Grande, CA 93420
(E) coinerbop@gmail.com
(H) 805 574-3878
5 Essential Query
Letter Strategies
•
1. Show, don’t tell. This creative writing workshop maxim also applies to your query letter. Sure, a query letter
mini-synopsis requires lots of telling and summary, but when possible, add in concrete details. Instead of,
“After hearing her dog died, Lara was sad.” Try “After hearing her dog died, Lara bought herself a pint of ice
cream and headed to the dog park.”
•
2. The specific always trumps the general. Rather than saying “Defeated once again, Robert went home.” Try
“Defeated again, Robert skulked back to his basement apartment.” Or, rather than saying your character wore
magical shoes, say she wore ruby slippers (or steam-punk style hovercraft Keds).
•
3. Set the mood. Mood is a key ingredient that we see missing from many query letters. Sure, you can tell a
story, but are you using language to evoke a certain mood—and all the emotions that go with that mood?
Investigate your own choice of adjectives and adverbs and see if they’re doing a good job of evoking the right
tone. Think of the difference between sad and forlorn. Between ebullient and glad. What mood are you
evoking with your word choices?
•
4. Use your setting. Before you launch into your story, consider taking a moment to illuminate your story’s
setting. Why? Fiction is all about the five senses, and when you offer a little bit of strong, compelling
description, you give your reading something concrete to latch on to (and become immersed in) right away.
•
5. Focus on high stakes. Now that you’ve got the tools to hook your reader with emotion, it’s time to focus on
the story itself. Think of your protagonist. What’s the worst thing that will happen if he/she doesn’t succeed?
That’s what’s going to make your reader feel an emotional investment in your character. You don’t want to give
away your ending in your query letter (save that for your long synopsis), but you do want to hint that it will be
meaningful and full of momentum.
Your Top 9 Questions
Answered
1. Can you query multiple literary agents at the same agency?
Generally, no. A rejection from one literary agent means a rejection from
the entire agency.
2. Can you re-query an agent after he/she rejects you?
Yes, but with a 50/50 chance. Some agents consider this a no-no, but why
not improve your chances?
3. Do you need to query a conservative agent for a conservative book - a
liberal agent for a liberal book?
In general, yes. Look for agents who have taken on books similar to yours.
4. Should you mention your age in a query?
No. Some bias exists because agents are looking for career authors. If you
are older, try to write multiple books before submitting, no mention of age.
Your Top 9 Questions
Answered (Cont’d)
5. Can you query an agent for a short story collection?
95% of agents do not accept them because they just don’t sell.
6. When should you query? When is your project ready?
There is no definite answer, but give your work to beta readers for feedback.
7. Should you mention that your work is copyrighted and/or has had book editing?
No. All work is protected, once written down, and should already be edited.
8. How should you start your query? Begin with a paragraph from the book?
Not recommended. Not in main character’s voice either (too gimmicky).
Recommend laying out Essential Details in one easy opening sentence.
9. Should you mention that the query is a simultaneous submission?
Check each agent’s guidelines, but it’s usually optional. If you say it’s exclusive, they
understand no other eyes are on the material — but if you say nothing, they will
assume multiple agents must be considering it.
Part 2 – Essential Details to Include
Essential Details
Michelle Plested, renowned literary agent says,
“The first things I look for in a query letter are:
•
•
•
•
Title
Word count
Genre
Name and contact information
•
Before you present what your story is about, I want to know how many words I’m
getting and what genre to expect. I don’t want to have to wade through multiple
chapters — or even multiple paragraphs — to first discover if the manuscript is
even going to be a fit. Don’t bother trying to tell me why it’s a good fit. You don’t
need to. Show me the word count and the genre, tell me what it’s about, and I’ll
be able to tell for myself.”
•
I also don’t want to have to dig for your name and e-mail address. Sometimes
things get forwarded and, for whatever reason, the original ‘sent by’ address in the
header doesn’t make it along for the ride. Put it in the body of the mail, just to be
safe.”
Essential
Details
Moved
Query Letter
Template
Dear [Agent name],
I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in [genre], and
because you [personalized tidbit about agent].
[Tagline].
[protagonist name] is a [description of protagonist] living in [setting]. But
when [complicating incident], [protagonist name] must [protagonist's
quest] and [verb] [villain] in order to [protagonist's goal].
[title] is a [word count] work of [genre]. I am the author of [author's
credits (optional)], and [other relevant credits].
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes,
[your name]
Part 3 – Writing Your Tagline
Writing Your Tagline
Also known as the ‘Hook’ or the ‘Elevator Pitch’
Maximize Your Main Conflict
(Remember, ONE SENTENCE and aim for third person - present tense!)
What’s The Main Conflict of Your Work?
1. Identify the main character and what he or she has to lose (Focus the
story through the lens of their POV for maximum emotional impact).
2.
What does the main character risk externally? (house, life, job, spouse, etc.)
3.
What does the main character risk internally? (her heart, friendship, mother’s
respect, children’s admiration, etc.)
Sample
Taglines
•
From: Bridges of Madison County
When Robert Kincaid drives through the heat and dust of an Iowa summer and turns into Francesca
Johnson’s farm lane looking for directions, the world-class photographer and the Iowa farm wife are joined
in an experience that will haunt them forever.
•
From: The Da Vinci Code
A murder in the silent after-hour halls of the Louvre museum reveals a sinister plot to uncover a secret
that has been protected by a clandestine society since the days of Christ.
•
Complete at 69,000 words, ‘Sure Sign of Crazy’ tells the story of one pivotal summer during Sarah’s life as
she struggles to come-of-age in the shadow of her mother’s illness and her father’s secrecy.
•
Lynn was nine the first time she killed to defend the pond. Seven years later, violence is her native tongue
in a time when an ounce of fresh water is worth more than gold and firewood equals life during bitter
rural winters. Death wanders the countryside in many forms: thirst, cholera, coyotes, and the guns of
strangers.
•
Fifteen-year-old Jesse Fisher can’t pass a test, pilot a space shuttle, or make it through a day without
tripping over his own feet.
Example Taglines
from Galleycat
•
Max Meyers can't make the grade. He can't get the girl. And he can't be the jock.
The only thing going for him is his father's status as hotshot politician. But when
Max finds his house engulfed in flames and his dad with a bullet hole in his head,
the ruling of suicide sucks worse than the Calc exam he failed last week.
•
Violet Brantford is marrying the man of her dreams—only he doesn’t know it.
•
A woman who cannot trust. A man who will not love. A passion richer than the
dark of midnight.
•
Why do some children grow up evil? That is the timeless question addressed in
‘The Copycat Killer’.
•
Zoe Lauterborn is the corporate Ice Queen, and nothing will stand in her
way. Phillip Kingdom is fascinated with her. Her achievements, her looks … he
wants her—but she won't let anyone get in her way. Sure of an upcoming
promotion, she gets drunk at happy hour, giving him an idea—‘The Bet’.
Part 4 – Writing Your Mini-Synopsis
Writing Your Mini-Synopsis (Blurb)
Like you want your book cover to read
(Remember, always in third person - present tense!)
1. Set the Mood (locale, take an excerpt and describe it, dive
into action, etc. – no long wind-up).
2. Identify the key conflicts in concrete terms. (Like the
Tagline, show us what your character stands to lose through
his/her eyes, and you’ll have great emotional impact).
3. Show advancing, specific action (but not too much). Once
the main conflict has been identified, tell us one or two
major things that stand in the character’s way of success.
4. Lead the reader up to the climactic moment (the darkest
moment for the MC when everything is nearly lost). Don’t
give away the ending. Instead, bring the climactic elements
into clear focus, then keep us guessing.
Writing a Killer Mini-Synopsis




Characters. A good blurb will only introduce one Main Character in an intimate way. Your book
may have more than one, but there’s rarely enough room to introduce them. Pick the
character who is most sympathetic and focus there. Let any other ones be introduced via the
experience (and perspective) of your one MC—always keeping the focus on that MC. That way,
the reader can develop a bond with (and root for) your character.
Focus on specific conflict. Rather than talk about how your main character wishes to “get right
with her family,” go into detail about specific obstacles and her efforts to achieve her goal.
Skip the thematic descriptions. Some blurbs are so burdened with theme descriptions that
there seems to be no story. Toss out vague sentences like “This book is about peace and love.”
Or “This story will warm your heart as the main character learns to stand on her own and
make the best of things. She sees how important family is and tries hard to reconnect with
those from her past.” Both of these are too fluffy to have any bite. If your theme is strong, you
shouldn’t have to point it out. It will already be there, inherent in the story itself.
Appeal to the human element. Be sure that your story appeals to universal human emotions
and desires—elements that everyone can relate to. Show what specifically your characters
want, then go for the kill. Ask the reader (in not so many words), “Don’t you want to find out if
she will make it in showbiz/save her family from danger/repair her relationship with her aunt?
 Length. A blurb should be no more than one or two paragraphs. You want to focus on the story highlights, not the details.
 Flashiness. A blurb is not the best place to show off your billion-dollar vocabulary or your ability to construct sentences the
length of football fields. Keep it simple for ease of reading. Agents will be skimming your letter to start with, so make it easy for them.
If your story looks promising, they’ll give your letter a more thorough read.
 Subplots. A blurb should focus on the main plot of your book. Although you (rightly) love your subplots, your blurb must be short.
Use the two paragraphs you have to drive the main focus of your story home, and leave out the extra.
 Endings. A blurb should NOT necessarily tell the ending of your story. Think of your book blurb as a sales pitch: the idea is to make
literary agents so eager to know what happens to the characters that they simply must request the complete manuscript to find out
what happens.
 Precision. Because a blurb can’t go into detail, you’ve got to find precise, gripping language to convey your plot. Choose strong
words over weak ones. Pick exact verbs instead of spineless ones like “seem” or “being.” Also, go for language and phrasing that reflect
the tone and style of your book.
5 Common MiniSynopsis Mistakes
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Not giving away the ending. There may be no greater mark of the amateur novelist than a writer who
turns in a synopsis to a literary agent or editor with a “cliffhanger ending.” The POINT of a synopsis is that
the agent/editor can know with accuracy what he/she is buying or agreeing to represent. If your ending is
truly great, then hiding it won’t make it better. Your synopsis should always provide the full scope of your
story, beginning to end.
Lazy writing. You know all those rules about writing fiction? About using the five senses for evocative
prose, about showing instead of telling, about establishing character, etc.? All those rules apply to synopsis
writing. Many writers “quit” by the time they write a synopsis, thinking that their novel’s manuscript pages
will be good enough to entice a literary agent or editor. But a new writer should strive to be the complete
package—and that means writing a synopsis that engages, compels, and brings the story to life.
Not offering clear transitions. Yes, we know that A is followed by B. But…why? Let’s say a dying woman
leaves her estate to the wrong son. The other son, who believes he should have inherited everything,
leaves the country. What’s missing here? You got it: The cause part of “cause and effect.” Unless you’re
writing a mystery (in which case it helps to deliberately draw attention to unsolved questions), always
explain.
Not showing a clear plot arc. Sometimes, writers will mention what seems like an important plot point
(hero resents father who misses game; child can’t find her dog), but then, the issue never appears to
resolve. If you pick up the thread of one plot element or subplot, your synopsis should show that your
novel offers a conclusion. Also, be sure that the pacing of your main conflict has lots of forward
momentum and shape, particularly if you’re working in a traditional genre.
Choosing the wrong verb tense. A synopsis should be written in present tense. There are almost no
exceptions to this rule for novels. Some writers choose past tense. Or worse: They vacillate between verb
tenses. Start on the right foot with present-tense verbs.
Other Common Synopsis Mistakes For Novel Writers:
Switching POV, Bad, overcomplicated formatting, Focusing on too many subplots, Introducing too many minor
characters and their names, Going on too long (limit your synopsis to three pages MAX, if you’re querying
for the first time)
‘The Wizard of Oz’
Mini-Synopsis Example
• For example, in the movie version of The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is the
main character. So in your synopsis the story should unfold through
Dorothy’s perspective. Focus on her and focus all the action through her.
• Once you’ve identified your main character, ask yourself:
What does the character risk externally (her house, his life, her job, his
favorite T-shirt?)? –Her life. There’s a witch after her.
• What does the character risk internally (her heart, his friendship, her
mother’s respect, his children’s admiration)? –If she doesn’t get back to
Kansas, she’ll never see her family again. And she’s only just realized how
important they are to her.
These are the two main points of conflict to focus on in your query letter
that should be filtered through your main character’s point of view.
Addendum – ‘The Four Legged Stool’
The Four-Legged Stool in Advertising
1. Core Idea (The “Headlines”) – Big, simple.
How fast can you sum up the very core of your
concept? The secret of the “Four U’s”. Unique,
Useful, Urgent and Ultra-Specific
2. The Big Promise (The “Hook”) – Incentive for
the reader to read on.
Answer this: What’s in it for the reader?
1. Core
Idea
2. The
Big
Promise
3. Credibility – Give readers a reason to trust
you.
Can this writer do the job?
4. The Powerful Call to Action – A dynamic
close to the sale.
Implore the agent to act, give him a good
reason and your contact details.
3. Credibility
4. The Power
Call to Action
Stool Sample 
• The Hook - (Unique, Useful, Urgent and Ultra-Specific)
Let's imagine you've just been to France. During your trip, you toured the wine region. You're
back home and you want to write an article for a travel magazine about the many fine local
French champagnes.
Example 1:
"I would like to write an article for you about the many champagnes in the wine regions of
France...“
Example 2:
"On rue de la Verrerie in Paris, you'll find a wine shop that sells one of France's best and
rarest champagnes - for just $23 a bottle.“
Example 2 is (a) more unique and starts right in the middle of the action—always a
momentum building technique and (b) more useful to the average tourist going to France
who wants to be informed.
Example 2 implies urgency—a $23 bottle of rare champagne isn't going to lasts—newsworthy
and urgent.
Stool Sample  (Cont’d)
Now let’s add:
"I'd like to write an article for your magazine that tells the fascinating story of Frances
many local champagnes. For instance, only three shops in Paris sell 'La Rose de Jeane.' And
only 3,000 bottles are produced each year. And this is just one of many unknown but
excellent bargains in the local market...“
In short, it adds to the Urgency, and Ultra-Specific details sell.
… Not all details, mind you. Like a painter's canvas, if you try to put in TOO many details...
you just get a mess. But if you've got details that are relevant... by all means, put them in.
Give a statistic. Describe a taste or a smell. Dab it with color. Name an interview source. Do
anything you can to make your reader feel like he's right there, inside the image you hope to
present.
NB. This is a key secret to professional-level work: Knowing your goal before you begin.
EXCERCISE TIME
Let’s use ‘Gone With the Wind’ as an example.