Attachment Theory: The Child that Couldn’t Trust
Two girls, from the same birth family, were adopted into a single family. In her journal, the adopted mother wrote:
“It seemed to be the common consensus that we would find out little five year old to fit in easily, but we were asking for trouble to take on a twelve, soon to be thirteen year old. Nothing could have been further from the truth. This little five year old girl was about to give us the ride of our lives…it was only days until we realized that this little gal had been through a lot more then we had ever anticipated.”
The little girl seemed to derive pleasure from lying, being manipulative, and sneaky. Causing pain seemed to be her power kick, especially toward her new mother. The elder daughter was loving and kind. Who was able to form close bonds with her new parents and siblings. The adopted mother did research and talked to many mental health professionals. Most would respond, “She sounds like a
normal adopted child”. But when questioned about the differences between the two sisters, they had no satisfactory responses.
How does two children from the same birth family and back ground, end up so different?
Psychologist, John Bowlby, originally developed the concept of attachment, stated:
“Children who either have no permanent mother figure or who are separated for long periods from their mothers, for instance by evacuation or prolonged hospitalization, are apt to suffer from a severe inhibition of feeling of love, such inhibitions will lead to varying degrees of inhibition in the growth of a
conscience.” (Bowlby, 1987)
What is attachment?
Neurologically, at the time of birth, both mother and baby’s brain is flooded with oxytocin. Known as the bonding hormone, oxytocin plays an important role in social identification.
Roused by skin-to-skin contact, oxytocin and prolactin (a hormone that triggers the release of breast milk) enables the mother to be more caring, eager to please, and more sensitive to other’s feelings.
Oxytocin in the babies’ brain releases the last dose of antibodies before birth. It triggers the release of equalizes stress hormones in the brain and have a direct link to characteristic behaviors as a response to stress. (Palmer, 2002)
In psychology, attachment is defined as an emotional bond between two people. This bond is often formed between the first six months and three years of a child’s life, and play a key role in a person’s close relationships throughout life. Bowlby believed that bonds formed in early childhood with a child’s caregiver, affected the attachment formed with their own children in adulthood. The focus of
Bowlby’s attachment theory is that a bond, establishes a sense of security; thus, promotes the infants need to stay close to their parents, while enabling them to explore the world around them.
In the 1900’s, Mary Ainsworth, inspired by Bowlby’s original work, conducted a study “Strange
Situation”. Recording the reactions of the infants, 12 to 18 month old children, were first placed alone in

a room. Then later were reunited with their mothers’. The data reveled three major attachment patterns: Secure attachment, insecure-avoidant attachment, insecure-resistant/ambivalent and disorganized attachment.
A secure attached infant feels comfortable and confident. They don’t like the departure of the mother but are easily soothed upon her return.
The mother with this type of child, are warm and engaging toward their babies. They respond when the baby cries and are quick to soothe their infants.
An insecure-avoidant child is not upset over the mother’s departure. The child may avoid or ignore her upon her return. Infants with insecure ambivalent attachment often cling to their mother at first arrival; become slightly distress at the mother’s departure. Upon her return, the child will both seek comfort and distance at the same time. The child is angry and confused, cries and reaches to be held.
Then attempts to leave once picked up. They don’t trust her affection and defends themselves from possible further rejection.
Mothers of this group are very inconsistent with their love and care. They may be suffering from depression or have psychological problems of their own.
Insecure-resistant/ambivalent attached children are demanding and clingy with the mother.
They are not soothed by her presence. They prefer to stay close to her rather than explore their surroundings. When the mother leaves, the child becomes agitated, even angry, especially when a stranger is present. When mother returns the child will act in one of two ways. Either they sit passively distressed, unable to signal or receive comfort but then resist her. They many even throw a tantrum or try to injure her. Almost as if to say “You abandoned me and that hurts, now I don’t know if I should let you near me, you may do it again.” And so the fruits of mistrust are born.
Mother of children in this category is inconsistent and unpredictable when caring for their children. They may be loving one minute, and then avoid their child the next minute. Often times, their responses do not co-inside with the baby’s needs. (Hine, 1999)
These findings have become guidelines, to diagnose attachment disorders.
What is attachment disorder?
Attachment disorder is defined as a condition where an individual finds it challenging to form lasting relationships. Often they display incapacity to show genuine affection for others. They lack a conscience and do not trust. They have a need to be in control due to their trust issues. They posses “...a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche. Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants.
Incomprehensible pain is forever locked in their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants”
(Placeholder2). Does this mean that the five year old girl, we discussed earlier, is conditioned to become the next Ted Bundy or Adolph Hitler? The answer is no. In fact, Helen Keller who became one of the

greatest humanitarians was diagnosed with attachment disorder, just as Bundy and Hitler were. The different was Keller got help in time. (Thomas N. , 2000-2010)
“He [a pediatric psychiatrist] spoke of many others with the same problems as our daughter and how they would give anything to have gotten as far with their children as we had with ours. Our daughter had basically never bonded; she didn’t have the basic trust that develops in a loving mother/daughter relationship. He said she probably really didn’t know why she did things, it was just an instinct within her to do the opposite.”
What are the symptoms of attachment disorder?
Many children with attachment disorders display signs of an insecure attachment. As the child grows older these symptoms will become more pronounced. They are as follows:

Avoid making eye contact

Are ridged, limp, or unresponsive when held or cuddled

Are inappropriately demanding or clingy

Act familiar with strangers

Withdrawn and quite. Talk only to interrupt, make noise or manipulate.

Have unusual eating habits: hording or gorging food

Often attempts to control others and their emotions with tantrums, displays of affections, etc.

Impulsive. Having little or no cause and affect thinking.

Developmental delays such as reading and mathematics

Cruel to animal and others
However, there are other possibilities that a child may act this way, which may include the following conditions:
1.
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
2.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
3.
Tourette Syndrome (TS)
4.
Adoption Problems
5.
Over indulgence (Parents try too hard to please the child)
6.
Bi-polar Disorder
These conditions often hinder or expunge the healthy relationship between the parent and child. To accept the symptoms one must deal with the causes. (Thomas N. L., 1997)
What causes attachment disorder?
Problems can begin to develop in the womb. During pregnancy the mother and child are incessantly connected. All emotions, sounds, movement and reactions are shared between the two of them. By exposing the child to drugs and alcohol, maternal stress or an unwanted pregnancy, can damage the fetus.

Other circumstances that can occur to a child under 36 months, that would put a child at risk, are as follows:

Physical, emotional or sexual abuse

Neglect

Post partum depression (mother)

Inadequate daycare; changing daycare providers

Chronic pain that has gone without treatment

Relocation/moving (foster care or failed adoptions)

Poor parenting skills
Behavioral problems that arise from the exposure to these circumstances are the inability for the child to trust, form a conscious and allow other to be in control.
What are the treatment options?
There are many different forms of treatment and not all, if any, will be of assistance. What will work for one child may not work for another. Successful treatment depends greatly on the child and the parent. Unfortunately, there is not magical wand to wave over a child that would fix all their problems.
Treatment may be long and difficult for both child and parent.
“I embraced that book with a hunger that I had never known. Although many of the case studies were based on the worst of scenarios, it described much of what I had experienced. There was a list describing symptoms of unattached children, and she met all but a few. The therapy described in treating detached children was extreme, and I later found out that it is not used as a blanket solution in treating all of these children.”
How to prevent attachment disorder?
As we all know by now, prevention is far easier then dealing with the outcome of the issues that could arise from unattached individuals. Attachment disorder is, as Bowlby believed, is carried though out life. Although the signs can diminish, the scares we carry with us always.
“Until this time, I couldn't put a word about this into my journals. And even this is just a summary of the past two years. It hurt too much to just live it, and to write it down would mean to experience it again.
But for those who may adopt, or are struggling with a detached child, I write my story. For me, it has been the most difficult battle I have ever waged. A struggle for the life of a child, against my own wits and happiness. Somehow, time has helped. My beautiful daughter is beginning to shine. We have more therapy ahead of us, but we will work it out one day at a time.”
Bowlby always stressed the significance of the bond between mother and child. That to interfere with the bond would have severe consequences for everyone.

Bowlby, J. (1987). In B. Mullan, Are Mothers Really Necessary? (p. 25). New York: Weidenfeld &
Nicolson.
Cherry, K. (2010). Attachment Theory an Over Veiw of Attachment Theory. Retrieved May 23, 2010, from
About.com: Psychology: http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattachment/a/attachment01.htm
Hine, D. (1999). The Baby Bond: How to Raise An Emotionally Healthy Child. Prescott, AZ: Cocoon Books.
Palmer, L. F. (2002, Nov. 2). Bonding Matters: The Chemistry of Attachment. Retrieved June 3, 2010, from The Baby Bond: http://thebabybond.com/BondingMatters.html
Thomas, N. L. (1997). When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD-Reactive
Attachment Disorder. Glenwood Springs, CO.: Families by Design.
Thomas, N. (2000-2010). What is Attachment Disorder/Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Retrieved
May 27, 2010, from Nacy Thomas Parenting: http:/www.atttachment.org/pages_what_is_rad.php
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