How do we communicate?!
What are different modes of
communication we use?
– Verbal
• Words, tone, inflection
– Non-Verbal
• Hand gestures, eyes, body movements, facial
expressions, distance zones, silence, posture
– Written
• Text, symbols, stories, alphabet, directions
What percent of our communication to
others is based on each?
The 3 levels of communication:
– What we actually say (vocabulary)
– How we say it (vocal inflection)
– Non-verbal communications (body language)
How We Really
Communicate
7% of what we communicate is based on vocabulary
38% of what we communicate is based on voice
Inflections
55% of what we communicate is based on
nonverbal behavior
Daily Communication
• On average, on a daily basis you spend _______ %
of your waking hours communicating to others.
• What percent do you spend communicating via:
– Reading _______%
– Writing _______%
– Talking _______%
– Listening _______%
Are you surprised by these estimates of how
people spend time communicating?
Non-Verbal Communication
• “O.K” In some Middle Eastern
countries the okay sign
signifies the evil eye.
• This gesture can be taken as
highly vulgar
• “Pointing” with your finger is
rude in so many countries it's
probably wise just to abandon
the gesture altogether
overseas.
Non-Verbal Communication
Slurping your soup - or indeed your
coffee or tea - indicates you're
enjoying the meal.
“The Dog Call”
This hand gesture could get you
arrested in Philippines
Non-Verbal Communication
• The “victory sign” is
considered to be rude in Italy
and if you are showing the
back of your hand with your
fingers forming 'V', then it is
an insult.
• The “Corna” Historically
means “cuckold” (or rather,
“your wife is cheating on you”),
and its origins are possibly
dating back to Ancient
Greece
Do YOU Understand?
“I know that you believe you
understand what you think I said, but
I am not sure you realize that what
you heard is not what I meant!”
-Richard Nixon
The Listening Dilemma
• We speak at a rate of about 150 words per
minute (wpm)
• But we can hear at a rate of about 1,000
wpm
» This gives us a lot of extra time!
» What do we do with this time?!
• Paraphrase the message to the speaker in order
to confirm your understanding.
• Repeat the message to help you remember what
was said.
• Probe for missing information.
• Clarify any points that you might not completely
understand.
• Remember the important points of the message
for future application.
Seven Levels of Listening
1. Not listening: Not paying attention to or ignoring the
other person’s communications.
2. Pretend listening: Acting like or giving the impression that you are
paying attention to another person’s communications, but in
actuality not really paying attention to that individual.
3. Partially listening: Only focusing on part of the other person’s
communication or only giving it your divided attention.
4. Focused listening: Giving the other person your undivided attention
to his or her communication.
Seven Levels of Listening
5. Interpretive listening: Going beyond just paying
attention but really trying to understand what the other
person is communicating.
6. Interactive listening: Being involved in the
communications by
asking clarifying questions or acknowledging
understanding of the communication.
7. Engaged listening: Being fully engaged in
communications
involves listening to the other person’s views, feelings,
interpretations, values, etc. In engaged listening, both
parties are given the opportunity to fully express their
views, feelings, and ideas.
Why might you have focused on
the wrong criteria while listening to this story?
*Often our assumptions cause us to focus on
the wrong things when we communicate with others
We need to keep an open mind
about what message the communicator might be trying
to convey
The Laws of
Forgetting
We forget 50% of what we hear
immediately.
We forget 75% of what we hear within two
months.
Of the 25% we do remember, only 60% is
correct, plus we add things that were
never said in the first place!
Q and A
I am going to give you 4 questions to answer.
*Each time you answer you will say the answer
three times in a row*
Example:
– You carry your lunch in a ___ ___ ___
Answer: Poke. Poke. Poke.
* Poke= Old term used to describe a bag
The other answers will be more obvious.
Did you forget that we
make assumptions?!
-People answer “yoke” to the last
question because it rhymes with the
other answers and seems to fit in the
pattern.
-We need to be careful that we don’t
always fall into this trap when
communicating with others. Sometimes
we think something is correct because
it seems to fit a pattern.
-We make assumptions and begin to
listen less and just answer based off of
prior knowledge and expectations.
“We are not going to take a test today”
1.
Statement indicating surprise
2. Statement of fact
3.
Statement indicating that we will be doing
something other than taking a test today
4. Statement indicating some other group will be taking a test today
5. Statement indicating we absolutely will not be taking a test today
6. Statement indicating that we will have more than one test today
Three basic principles
of leadership are:
Knowing
Being
Doing
Knowing - You must know - yourself, how change occurs, and how others
view things differently than you do.
Being - You must be - ethical, principled, open, caring, and inclusive.
Doing - You must act - in socially responsible ways, consistently and
congruently, as a participant in a community and on your commitments and
passions
• Effective Communicator – Listens and responds
in a precise and non-judgmental manner
• Critical Thinker – Can apply reason, cause and
effect, and extend thinking “outside the box”
• Personable – Can get along well with others
• Ethical – makes choices based on moral integrity
• Decisive- Can make decisions in a timely and
reliable manner
• Reflective- Learns from mistakes and can make
progress with change
Wedding Riddle
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
The best man is the brother of the usher.
The best man and the bridesmaid went to college with the groom.
The usher went into the army after high school.
Ann’s college roommate took Sally to a family reunion in August.
Steve and Jerry had to give up going on their fraternity Spring Break
trip to attend the wedding.
Dan and Steve’s mother attended the wedding, but didn’t sit with her
sons.
Who is the:
Bride: ______________________________
Bridesmaid: ______________________________
Groom: ______________________________
Best Man: ______________________________
Usher: ______________________________
Riddle Me This
1. What do you bring to a table to cut, but never eat?
2. Is it legal for a man from New Jersey to marry his widow’s
sister? Why or why not?
3. What is not inside or outside a house, yet no house would
be complete without it?
4. A clerk in the butcher shop is 6 feet ten inches tall. What
does he weigh?
5. 3. A man and a dog were walking down the street. The
man rode, yet walked. What was the dog's name?
6. 5. How do you make "seven" even?