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Where Does the Compromising Stop?
Belle. If I could be any Disney character, I would want to be Belle from Beauty
and the Beast. The truth is, I would be happy just being any princess. The thought of me
wanting to be a princess comes as no surprise to me when you consider the world that
exists around us thrives on men being masculine and women being delicate beings who
need to be taken care of. The man is taught to be independent and to get a great job to
enable him to financially support a family. The woman is taught she can get a job as
well, but what's best is to stay feminine and to learn how to run a household and take care
of everything so that her husband only has to worry about his job. Many would disagree
with these last statements. Many people have strayed away from following what these
statements entail, but it still holds true in many households. I am one of those people
who disagree with the scenario above. I contend that a woman can be feminine without
having to play the role of a "damsel" and be able to live her life independently from her
husband. This is the reason, why I would want to be Belle. Belle was this "princess"
type girl who had to save the Beast. She wanted to break out of her little town and be
different.
After reading the article "I Want a Wife" written by Judy Brady, I came to agree
with her that men foresee woman as these employees, you could say, who are there to aid
at their every need. "I Want a Wife" discussed a woman's role as a wife and to what it
entails. Judy Brady raised the question "Who wouldn't want a wife?" (8). A wife is
someone who will aid her husband and families every need while sacrificing her own. A
wife is someone who will do anything from going grocery shopping, making and keeping
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appointments, keeping your house clean, cooking, to running all of the errands needed
and satisfying your every need. It seems to me when you have a wife, the only thing the
husband is left to worry about is where he is and what his job entails because everything
else he doesn't want to do, his wife will be doing. For example, many times a wife is the
one left to worry about the birth control methods. When you combine a caregiver, a
cook, a maid, an event coordinator, a stylist, and any other person who would seem
useful to have around, you end up with a wife. True? Well, in some cases, yes. This
article was written in the year 2003. It hasn't even been two years since Judy Brady
concluded that these were the classifications of a wife. Throughout her article Brady
repeatedly list reasons to why she would like a wife:
"I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's
duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a
rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a
wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them" (4).
It's not enough that a wife needs to run the household, but now the husband is asking for
a wife who will start to do his work, which is all he really should be concerned with.
All of the points brought up by Brady are completely true. If this is what a wife
is, hell, I want one too. It's understandable that a wife and husband each do have to
obtain certain duties. But when you look at it in this perspective, a wife is someone who
you could find in the Classifieds. To me a wife is someone who should be your equal. I
know that the jobs she mentioned are some of the things many wives do, but it's not
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completely like that in my household. For example, my father is the one who does the
grocery shopping and cooks for us. He also helps out with the laundry and driving my
siblings and me around. My mother has a job of her own as does my father. Her world
does not revolve around keeping him alone happy. She doesn't have to compromise
herself to be a wife. She does what she feels is necessary to keep things running
smoothly at home and at her job.
The world we live in at times, though, expects a woman to keep her man happy
and to keep this so-called appearance that compliments him. This is emphasized by
Susan Brownmiller in her article, "Femininity." Described by Brownmiller, "Femininity
serves to reassure men that women need them and care about them enormously.
Femininity functions as an effective antidote to the unrelieved seriousness, the pressure
of making one's way in a harsh, difficult world" (11). This femininity that is pressured
upon woman has been around since the 1980's. Women then were, "putting on lipstick
and high heels to appear well dressed ..." (9). To this day women are still obsessed with
fashion and are always trying to appear put-together and well dressed. In many ways, it's
a good thing. This has caused a competition between women for the best jobs. Yes,
that's right jobs. Brownmiller describes how a woman can be feminine, but asks if she
can remain feminine while withholding a job. Women in the workforce struggle to beat
out men for jobs, these days. Employers as well as the world are very critical of
appearance of people in society today, especially of women. Brownmiller states, "To be
insufficiently feminine is viewed as a failure in core sexual identity, or as a failure to care
about oneself" (6). Females are brought up thinking they need to carry on such role as a
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delicate being and be saved by a man, who is masculine. Who wouldn't want to be
saved? Femininity had left society for a while, but as Brownmiller brought up, is rising
back. She states, "The world smiles favorably on the feminine woman: it extends little
courtesies and minor privilege" (7). When you look at it this way, being feminine doesn't
sound half bad.
To me, being feminine does indeed include wearing make-up, high heels, and the
so-called "girly" style. I love being feminine. It's only when Brownmiller begins to
discuss how a woman should be inferior to the man that I begin to disagree. Women can
be feminine and work. You can see this rising back anywhere you go now. For example,
many women are managers at hotels, managers of clothing stores, and work beside or
above many men. When they go to work these jobs, they still where nice clothes and
make-up, and remain feminine. Many of my aunts hold higher positions then men and
dress quite feminine. As I have previously stated, I believe men and women are equal
and should be treated that way. I think the whole idea of a woman needing to be saved
came about when we were younger. The Disney movies and toys we were given to play
with, in a way, made little girls want to be princesses and little boys to be heroes. I admit
at the time, I loved dressing up as a princess. But, now, I realize that is not reality. We
can't dress up as princesses and wait around for our prince, because most likely he will
never come. However, this doesn't mean we can't obtain princess-like qualities. Women
can dress up and look put-together and work outside of the house at the same time. It's
when females start compromising who they are to try and be someone that their husband
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or anyone else expects them to be that they are then proving this theory that you can't be
feminine and successful.
There are so many pressures that our society puts out. It's not easy to ignore them
and try to establish your own beliefs and values. After reading both of the articles, it is
clearer to me why so many women are always trying to fit some sort of mold, whether it
is the one that suits the husbands, bosses, families, or society in general. A woman
should be happy with herself and choose to change her image for herself only. I admit,
when I baby-sit I can't get enough of playing dress up, but I end it there. I don't really
want to be a "damsel" waiting to be saved. You can still be feminine without taking on
that role. Brownmilller stated, "femininity operates as a value system of niceness, a code
of thoughtfulness and sensitivity ..." (11). These are all characteristics that do not have to
change a woman completely. It stands true for being a wife as well. A wife can be all
the things that Brady described her to be, but at the same time should make time for
herself. If everyone went around trying to please everyone but themselves, no one would
be happy. It is possible to remain feminine and be a good wife without compromising
oneself.
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Works Cited
Brady, Judy. “I Want a Wife.” The Compact Reader: Short Essays By Method and Theme. Ed.
Jane E. Aaron. Boston; Bedford/St. Martins, 2003. 276-278
Brownmiller, Susan. "Femininity.” Interacting with Essays. Ed. Charles E. May. Lexington;
D.C. Health and Company, 1996. 164-168.