Cliché
Written by Haris Rasljanin
For Educational
Purposes only
Script
Version from 23.12.2010
Copyright 2010 Haris Rasljanin
CHARACHTERS :
Haris Rasljanin (21),~ 190cm,a bit muscular,brown-haired,
white w/ little tan
Haris Palo , 24 , ~ 183cm, a bit muscular ,brown-haired, white
Dahrin Rakic
, 23, ~ 180 cm, thin& muscular,black-haired,
80% brown 20% black
Selver DiBrani, 25, ~ 167 cm, average,black-haired, 60% black
40% brown
Megan Nais, 23, ~ 173 cm, good body, blonde, white
Bonta, 23, ~ 167 cm, japanese, black-haired
Rubí, 25, ~ 170 cm , good body, black-haired, latina,
Random Person #1
Random Person #2
6-year-old girl
11-year-old girl
Mother of the 11-year-old girl
Gizzle
RandomBlackPerson
Tourguider
CAMEO:
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino
Will Ferrell
Lucy Lawless
Danny Masterson
The Undertaker
2
1
EUREKA - EVENING
EXT
The camera flies over the city,showing some hot spots, until
it’s stops at a building. The camera zooms and it shows a loft
Zoom
2
LOFT – EVENING
INT
The story begins in a loft, where Haris(21) and his 3
BFF’s(Dahrin(23),Palo(24) and Selver(26)) live. These four
since-chilhood-friends are from Bosnia and came 2010 to the
States and live since then there. On Haris’ T-Shirt we find
out , that they are celebrating Haris’ 21st Birthday. On the
decoration of the loft, we see that they live very luxury.
Some pretty famous paintings are on the walls, but there’s
nothing personal, like a group-picture of them or family
pictures. There’s no music in the background, although it’s a
birthday party. At the beginning of the party, there were four
guests, which left pretty fast. At the end the guys are
sitting at the table in the living room.
HARIS
Okaaay... Since the guest are
gone, let’s unpack my presents.
DAHRIN
sarcasm
Oh yeah. Finally ALL of them
left. The queues at the toilet
and bathroom were UNbearable.
Everyone laughs expect Haris
HARIS
Yeah..yeah.. however, there were
four guests MORE than at your bday.
Selver & Palo are provoking Dahrin to counter Haris.
3
HARIS
cont‘d
okay, okay. Palo hand me the
guests‘ present..
Palo gives him the gift
PALO
skeptical
Something perverse for sure..
Haris opens up the gift and it’s a dildo with a note.
HARIS
annoyed
..again a dildo? They sure lack
creativity
DAHRIN
laughing
At least, you got a note..?..
They giggle
DAHRIN
cont‘d
Ok, enough joking. Read the note
Haris opens the note
HARIS
annoyed
If i have to…
Haris starts reading the note
4
HARIS
unmotivated
„We thought that even you, the
nerdiest nerds of all, deserves
to get a little action,
especially ‘cuz today is your big
day. Therefore, we give you this
electric dildo.He he he
rechargeable he he he. Push it
deep, you cunt!
ha ha ha ha ha loser!“
A moment of silence
HARIS
Ok! Let’s forget that very
quickly. Because I've got your
gift yesterday-Camera shows a brand new notebook
HARIS
cont‘d
I guess we are don—
Selver interrupts Haris
SELVER
-- shut up for a sec. Here is a
gift from your parents that came
this morning.
Selver gives the gift to Haris, which first checks the gift
and the opens it
HARIS
excited
What could that be
?..... OMG! These are my favorite
jeans. I wore them almost every
day, when we were still in
5
Bosnia. Do you remember how I
bought it?
FLASHBACK
GARAGE SELLING(SARAJEVO) – BAD MOOD
INT
Haris is sitting, bored, on an old chair
HARIS‘ MOM
Annoyed/desperate
You want these jeans???
HARIS
Not looking
sure…
HARIS‘ MOM
You sure? Don’t you wanna tr-HARIS
--no, mom. The are absolutely
perfect…
/FLASHBACK
HARIS
Relaxed
Ahhh… that was absolutely
beautiful. I’m gonna try them
right now.
Haris begins to change in front of his buddies
6
DAHRIN
Cut me a break, asshole! Go
somewhere else to change!
PALO
Grosss… When did you get those
abs? They look phenomenal...
HARIS
Screaming and a bit scared
Don’t touch me, Palo!
………it fits perfect. OmG! They are
really cool.
The guys agree with him and envy him a little bit, because of
his new „old“ jeans.
Then Haris sits down again. When he sat down, he felt that
something was in his pocket. He took it out and it looks like
a list.
HARIS
totally excited
Holy shit! I totally forgot about
this! Shiiit......holy!
DAHRIN
curios
What is it? Spit it out already!
HARIS
Okay,okay! Guys, do you know what
that is?
He shows the list to the guys
7
PALO
sarcasm
Yes, of course! Why do we have
the X-ray vision? Idiot
HARIS
Very Funny. You’re a born
comedian! This is my old To-DoList ! You remember when we were
in Bosnia and the company invited
us to the States? I created this
To-Do-List with things I really
want to do in my life. And here
it is! You remember how we were
back then???
FLASHBACK
There are several 10-second clips,of the guys, shown in this
order:
They steal a donkey
Everyone of them is making out with at least 2 girls
Haris and Palo beat up two Bodybuilders
Selver as a wedding crasher
Dahrin goes on stage and beat up Green Day
The guys as pimps
Three power-lesbians beat the guys up
/FLASHBACK
Haris is sitting again
HARIS
frustrated
Daaamn! We were awesome--
SELVER
screaming
What the FUCK happened?!?!
8
PALO
angry
How could we change so much in
only 3 fucking years!?!
HARIS
screaming
We have—Dahrin interrupts Haris
DAHRIN
angry
Hey, hey! Haris, wait! It’s my
turn to say something! All of you
were already! Now it’s my turn!
Should i be skipped, or what?!?
Only because I’m black?!?“
SELVER
Hey hey! I’m blacker than you -!“
DAHRIN
That has nothing to do with this,
Selver!
HARIS
Okay..okay..sorry, Dahrin.
DAHRIN
Oh right...! We have become what
we never wanted to be! NERDS!“
9
PALO
calm
Easy, guys! Let’s go through the
facts! We are very rich, we work
in a very successfull company and
we have the original “Scream” on
our wall. Then we’re very fit and
healthy, cuz we only drink
tea... I HATE US!!“
DAHRIN
Yeah! We suck !
EVERYONE
Screams
Fuck!
Some seconds pass in silence
HARIS
Ok...ok! It looks like we totally
wasted three years with hard work
and earning very much money, but
that’s past now. We’ll change
many things from now on. I think
deep in us--
SELVER
giggling
Hehehheeh. Deep in us..he he
Haris points his finger at Selver
HARIS
That’s it! That
perverse,dirty,childlish and
somehow unique humor is THAT,
what made us special!
10
DAHRIN
amazed
OMG! You’re right!
Everyone sighs
Haris stands determined up, holding the list in his right hand
HARIS
Guys! Now we know at least that
we did some pretty boring shit!
Look at us. None of us got more
than fifty friends on Facebook!
Daaaah! And 90% is family and 10%
is ‘cuz of Mafia Wars! But that’s
gonna change very soon! And these
‘list’ will guide us! I wrote it
for a reason. These are ‘things’
that i really want to do ,
because i think they will bring
me the time of my life. Sure, I
could do it all on my own, but
without my BFF's, it would not be
nearly as funny as with. Who’s
coming?
DAHRIN
The part with the BFF’s sounded
very gay……however, count me in !
SELVER
Mkayyyyyyy
PALO
Pal-O says Okay-O……wow…that was
terrible. Anyways I’m in !
They all feel the adrenaline going through their veins and so
11
they stand up.
Few seconds pass staying and saying nothing
HARIS
excuse-seeking
Ooookkkaaay! Then let’s go
tomorrow!
PALO
That’s much wiser--“
DAHRIN
In seller style
When you are rested, you’re more
adventurous.
SELVER
Where did you get that? From your
Twillight book club?
DAHRIN
Screw you, Selver!
CUT
3
LOFT / EARLY AFTERNOON
INT
The guys are sitting in the living room at the table. Everyone
is dressed much better than before (no nerdy stuff) and their
bags are already packed too
HARIS
Let’s start,k?...
They nod
12
PALO
Let’s start wi-The door bell interrupts Palo …
Haris is, wondering who that could be, going to the door and
opens it…
It’s a beautiful blonde girl. Her name is Megan Nais. She is
in her mid 20’s and lives across from the guys.
MEGAN
Oh, Haris! Whaddup?
Haris is on the one hand surprised that Megan wants something
from him and on the other hand, that he just now found out how
hot she is
HARIS
nervous
M-Megan! Hi! It’s pretty friggin’
awesome to see you. I-I mean You
look very good today
MEGAN
Surprised of how Haris is acting
differntly
Okaaay…thanks
HARIS
Do you always look like that?
MEGAN
I think so..
HARIS
Where are my manners? Please come
in and sit down.
13
Megan passed him and Haris stands for a moment and is watching
her ass
HARIS
Thinking a bit too loud
Niceeee!
Megan turns around, because she heard Haris saying “nice”,
which is also the pronunciation of her last name
MEGAN
Ha? You called me?
HARIS
w-what? (Haris now realized that
he though too loud and that Megan
was thinking that he called her)
Oh yeah, yeah. That’s your last
name, right?
MEGAN
cold-hearted
Whatever, dude
Haris is a bit embarrased
Then Megan greets the other guys and sits down
MEGAN
wondering
Why did you guys pack? Hasn’t
Nerdville closed?
SELVER
No……it’s not closed. We were 2
weeks ago there , however...
that’s past. We are new people
now....
14
MEGAN
sarcastic
Over night, ah? Very realistic!
You sure were supercool back
then.
HARIS
Everyone was, or better said, is
special. For example, Palo was a
guy who held a speech almost
everytime he could. On the other
side he was a every-nizer.
MEGAN
every-nizer?
HARIS
That’s like womanizer, the only
difference is, he could get
everything with his charm—
PALO
Continuing Haris
Then Dahrin was like the rockertype in the group, who also loved
powerfull ballads. He also got a
very good endurance with people,
that’s why he is a very good
gamer.
DAHRIN
Continuing Palo
Selver was always small!
SELVER
Continuing Dahrin
As emotional as always, asshole!
Haris is special! He loves girly
songs but then he also listens to
15
Hip-Hop and Techno! He is
probably the funniest guy on
earth…… and so on.
MEGAN
It was a rhetorical question…
By the way, isn’t Will Ferrell
the funniest man on earth?
Haris is in rage
DAHRIN
Calm down, Haris…calm down
MEGAN
Freaky….
PALO
However, I know how unlikely it
sounds..but it’s true. We all
even quit our jobs-Haris stops him at that point
HARIS
Wait, wait,wait! You quit your
job?
PALO
(laugh) You little old deaf man.
I said, I quit OUR jobs!!
Megan is expecting a fight now
DAHRIN
Totally chilled
How do we feel about it?
16
PALO
Take it easy
DAHRIN
Oh right…
MEGAN
Wow. That’s very spontanous and
..dumb………I like! But how did this
happen, Haris?
HARIS
Yesterday, when I celebrated my
21st B-day –--Yes, Megan!
Yesterday was my b-day--- a got a
b-day package from my parents.
And these pants were in it and in
the pocket of this pants there
was a To-Do-List I made before we
came here and now I have 1 year
to finish my list.
SELVER
You really love to say b-day?
HARIS
B-day! B-day! B-day!
MEGAN
So that’s why you packed! To be
honest, i came here to get some
money from you by hypnotizing you
nerds with my decollete, but now
I wanna ask you if I can join? I
know it comes from nowhere, but I
lost my hooters job, ‘cuz I beat
up a girl at work for not saying
please…so I’m free. What ya
think?
17
Megan leans forward and is showing Haris her decollete, in
which Haris starrs like a pubescent teenager
HARIS
Screaming like he is seeing a
ghost
YES! YES!!!
Haris looks at his friends
HARIS
B-but you have to convince my
friends too
MEGAN
Cold-hearted
That’s not happening!
HARIS
Ok, you’re in!
The friends are looking at him not-so-happy
HARIS
Defending himself
Come on! Cut me a break! Did you
saw these boobs?
SELVER
No, we didn’t! That’s the prob,
asshole!
After they discuss it in private for 10 seconds, they give
Megan a “Yes” to go.
HARIS
OK…let’s start. I got 30 things
and i only did 5 of them.
18
MEGAN
For example?
HARIS
Smoking a cuban cigar like
Hannibal from A-Team, take a deep
breath and say :”I love when a
plan comes together”
FLASHBACK
SARAJEVO-LIVING ROOM
INT
Haris,Selver und Palo are in a room with a chained Donkey.
Their clothes are torn and they got some bad wounds too. The
donkey looks pretty messed up and it looks like they got a
tough fight. Then Haris takes his cigar out and lights it…
HARIS
exhaling
I love it when a plan comes
together.
Seconds later, Selver takes out a match and burns the donkey
/FLASHBACK
MEGAN
Awwwessomme! It seems like you
had a great night, but that’s not
very original. The thing with
smoking the cigar, but that thing
with the donkey was cool.
19
PALO
Reminding himself of that evening
We never had better meat than
that night…
SELVER
You could literally taste the
fear… it tasted like…hmmm how
could I describe it—
PALO
--it was like ahhhh…
SELVER
exactly…
MEGAN
Sighs
i can imagine…
HARIS
Then i got Win a Rap-BattleTournament-MEGAN
interrupting
Where? NY? Detroit? Chicago? And
against who? Eminem? Fifty? The
Game? Lil Wayne? Jay?
HARIS
Close enough. It was in Junior
High and it was against my
classmates.
20
PALO
In the background
How is that close enough?
Megan is kind of disappointed!
Haris now tries to make it sound cool
HARIS
B-but the kid with not-so-strongAsthma was pretty though. He
could like spit more than 12
words in a minute,however (leans
back) I won …
MEGAN
sarcasm
Wow. Good job, Barbie!
HARIS
Who told you my rap name?
..nevermind.
MEGAN
And what’s the fifth thing?
HARIS
Beat up an emo! That was just
yesterday. I couldn’t sleep,so I
went out for a walk and surprise
surprise, there was an emo in the
park. I felt like it was destiny.
DAHRIN
sarcasm
It was God’s will for sure.
Because it’s absolutely nuts to
21
think that an emo is in the park
at midnight. Wow! That must be
that Karma-shit that everybody is
been talking about.
HARIS
Ha-Ha! I’m not stupid. I know
Karma doesn’t exist!
MEGAN
Got a plan of what we are doing
next?
HARIS
No! And it’s okay that way! It’s
not on me to decide what to do
next, the next task will choose
me-Palo,Dahrin and Selver yell „CLICHE“!
Everyone ,expect Megan,which is wondering what is going on,
takes a tequilla-glass, a lemon and salt and they do a
Tequilla Suicide
”put Salt on the Hand and inhale it with their nose. Rub the
lemon on your eyes, then they take a shot of tequilla and hit
the table with the head three times”
MEGAN
What the fuck was that???
DAHRIN
CTS!
PALO
Cliche-Tequila-Suicide! Everytime
when we hear,say or see a cliché,
we do the CTS!
They scream because of the CTS
22
HARIS
We think, if we do it more often
it won’t hurt so much…
MEGAN
I think, i got an orgasm…
The guys are starring at her
SELVER
cautious
Can we see it??
MEGAN
Nooo! Topic change. How will the
next task choose you?
HARIS
That’s easy.
Haris takes out his phone and shows her an app.
HARIS
Cont’d
See this? Also yesterday , I
created an app. You have to know
that I numbered my list in no
particular order. So I have the
numbers 1-25 here! And I just
shake it like that(he shakes the
phone) and wait 10
seconds…and…#24 – Go to Japan!
Alright than let’s go!
MEGAN
Wait,wait! I haven’t packed
anyting!
HARIS
I’ll buy you new things.
23
MEGAN
About to cry
uh-hh-hh! That’s the most romatic
thing that everyone ever said to
me! Do me , right here, right
now!
Haris grabs her and runs to the next room
CUT
4
AIRPLANE / AFTERNOON
INT
Haris is sitting next to Megan. Behind them are Dahrin and
Palo and left to them is Selver and Lucy Lawless.
Haris then starts talking with Megan
HARIS
Too bad we had no sex, right?
MEGAN
Laughing
I can’t believe you really think
we would have sex
HARIS
Ashamed
We-well…i di-di-din’t b-believe
it… I rather hoped..
MEGAN
Really?
HARIS
YES! I mean…of course not!
Turn to the right
Selver starts talking to Lucy Lawless
24
SELVER
You seem, somehow, familiar! I
know you from somewhere! I just
can’t tell right now!
LUCY
I hear that very often! I’m Lucy
Lawless…and I’m a lesbian.
SELVER
Sorry, but that doesn’t tell me
anything
LUCY LAWLESS
Shocked
How can that don’t tell you
anything? I was with Renee
O'Connor in a relationship.
SELVER
Oh, I know who Renee O’Connor is!
Daaaah! She was Gabrielle in Xena
the Warrior Princess, but Lucy
Lawless doesn’t say me anything.
LUCY
You fucking kiddin’ me? I was the
main character
SELVER
Nope..nothing.
LUCY
Frustrated
Aaaaaaaw!
25
CUT
5
HOTEL TOKYO / AFTERNOON
INT
An employee guide them to they room and waits for his tip
HARIS
Whispering to Palo who is infornt
of him
He still there?
PALO
Whispering back
Yeah…-Dahrin interrupts him, but he is also whispering
DAHRIN
Now…hurry on and give him his
tip. Don’t make them angry, he is
probably a ninja, like all
Japanese!
EVERYONE
whispering
cliché!
They do a cliché slowly and then Haris goes to the employee
and gives him 2000 $
HARIS
A bit scared
H-here you go!
The employee is counting the money.
EMPLOYEE
Okay, I may spare you life…
26
He starts laughing, while the group is shocked.
But after some seconds pass, with him laughing, they also
start laughing.
EMPLOYEE
Dead serious (cont’d)
…for now!
They group is really scared now and the employee leaves the
room saying shit about them in japanese
MEGAN
That scared the shit out of me
CUT
6
TOKYO / EVENING
EXT
ENRIQUE INGLESIAS – HEARTBEAT
Now the time passes like it’s flash forwading.
They go shopping.
They fool around with a japanese guy by taking his wig and not
giving him back until police arrives.
They go to a funfair.
Selver can’t ride the big rollercoaster, because he’s to
small.
The others are making fun of him because of that!
You can see on their faces, that they really are having a
great time.
All of them are now sitting on one bench.
Megan is sitting on Haris’ knees!
HARIS
Japan is great! I love it! I
think it’s now time for the next
task.
Haris takes out his phone
HARIS
Cont’d
Megan, do you wanna?
MEGAN
Honored
Awww, that’s so sweet! Ok, give
it to me! (she shuffles)…and it’s
27
#23 Saying Korean to a Japanese
and start a fight with him
because of that! Lol, that’s
going to be fun!
HARIS
OK! I’m ready! They are all
small, so I think I can handle
them…but who to choose…
Haris looks around and sees a guy sitting alone on a bench!
HARIS
Screaming
Hey, Korean! Go away! This is
Japan!
The japanese is hurt in his honor and stands up
JAPANESE GUY
Screaming
Hey! I am not Korean! I’m
Japanese! Do I look korean?
HARIS
Yes, korean bitch! Go and suck
Kim Yong Il’s small balls!
JAPANESE GUY
You son--EVERYBODY
Cliché!!!!!
They do a CTS! They scream like someone shoot in their leg!
But Haris still wants to fight!
JAPANESE GUY
What the fuck, arl u?
28
EVERYBODY
Cliché!!!!!!!
They do a CTS again!
HARIS
Screaming to the jap.guy
Stop doing or saying clichés,
Korean guy, if you wanna a fair
fight! AWWW! MY HEADDD!!!!
JAPANESE GUY
What was a cliché--PALO
--Don’t say “r”! It’s a cliché
that asian people can’t pronounce
“r”!
JAPANESE GUY
Oh… I mean OK! By the way, my
name is Bonta! FIGHT!
HARIS
Turns to the guys
Why did he say his na—
Bonta interrupts Haris with a punch in this face.
Haris starts to counter so they fight!
MEGAN
Why don’t you guys help?
DAHRIN
No one is interrupting, because
Haris told us not to! It’s his
duty!
And by the way, me and Palo are
doing the commentary! Welcome
Ladies and Gentlemans to tonights
BEAT THE NINJA! Here with me
29
tonight, my co-host Palo!
PALO
Hello and thanks for having me!
It will really be tough for
Haris! Bonta is really beating
him up! Oh, no!
DAHRIN
Haris is on the ground and it
looks like Bonta wants to finish
it with a punch in his stomach!
But Haris counters it with an
armbar and makes him surrender!
What is also a-EVERYBODY
Cliché!!!!
They do a CTS!
SELVER
Shiiittt! The talk about that if
we do it more often, it won’t
hurt so much is a ..LIE!!! OMG! I
can’t hear anything!
Palo starts talking like he’s closing up the show!
turn to PALO
PALO
Well ,guys! Today Haris beat up
an innocent man ,just because to
finish his list! Is this moraly
to exc—
Haris knocks Palo off with a punch in his pretty face!
MEGAN
Screaming
Why the hell did you do that? He
was just helding a speech?
30
HARIS
I hate it , when he helds a
speech!.. I hate it!
SELVER
True story… he even knocked him
out when he was holding his
speech to his parents, when he
wanted to move out!
Meanwhile, Palo regained consciousness!
Haris goes to Bonta and helps him stand up!
HARIS
Sorry, Bonta! I have nothing
against you! I just had to do it,
because it was on my list! Please
don’t use “r” because I really
can’t handle one more CTS right
now! If wanna say “r” , just say
YEAH instead!....wait …now I can
understand rappers!
Selver boos!
SELVER
That’s just low!...low low low
low! Apple Bottom jeans! Boots
with the fur! The whole club was
lookin’ at her! She hits the
flo’! She hits the flo’! Next
thing you know, shawty got—-Haris interrupts him
HARIS
--Enough! Enough! I get your
point…although, it’s very catchy!
BONTA
Okaaaayy…No p(small
pause)YEAHblem!--
31
HARIS
Ok, cut it to “ya” !
BONTA
Ok! I have …YAspect foYA that
what you do! You , seem like you
have a goal and you follow that,
just like my gYAandfatheYA!
HARIS
Lol! Didn’t expect that!... Come
on sit down!
Everybody is sitting again!
BONTA
Well, if you have nothing against
it… I can be youYA touYA guide! I
can show you the city…for
example, the bus! Don’t go in the
bus! Because all man gatheYA
aYAound one gi..women and gYAoup
molest heYA!
MEGAN
Disgusted
That’s disgusting! But still
thanks for that information, I
really wanted to go by bus
somewhere!
BONTA
YAeally?
Bonta curses on japanese
HARIS
Ok, who wants to do the next one?
Palo?
PALO
Sure! Give me the phone!
(he shakes the phone)
..#20 Write a Haiku!
32
BONTA
Oh..oh..please let me help you!
So I can YAeturn the favoYA to
you for saving my life!
EVERYBODY
Not-so-happy
CTS!
They do a CTS! And this time the scream very hard!
Even Bonta had to do it and scream as twice as loud as the
others
BONTA
Screaming
Why did I have to do this , too?
MEGAN
Because you can’t shut up saying
or doing clichés!
BONTA
Cont’D
FUCKK! What was I saying again?
HARIS
You said, you can help me somehow
to write a Haiku!
BONTA
Oh…ye-yes! I know a tYAainer who
can teach you wYAite Haiku’s!
HARIS
That’s great! Thanks, Bonta!
33
BONTA
If that means we aYAe even if he
teachs you that…
HARIS
I don’t know!... You help me with
one task, but I spared your life!
BONTA
You already said yes…( he starts
running)
DAHRIN
Why is he running?
BONTA
Screaming
See you,
tomoRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRooww!
EVERYBODY
You son of a KOREAN BITCH!!!!!
Cut
TITLE OVER BLACK:
3 WEEKS LATER
7
HOTEL TOKYO(ROOM) / EVENING
INT
Palo, Dahrin, Megan and Bonta are in the room and are playing
cards. They are having fun until someone knocked on the door.
It’s Haris! His clothes are torn up and he is full of wounds!
He looks really scary and he goes to Bonta!
He starts to beat him up! Palo and Dahrin are trying to stop
the fight and they barely succeed.
34
MEGAN
Screams
What the hell are you doing?!?
HARIS
I am beating the shit out of this
korean shit!
Meanwhile Bonta is on his foot again and it looks like he
wanted to hide
HARIS
You know that he wanted to help
me, by sending me to a Haiku
teacher? Well that was a lie!
That bitch send me to a mongolian
Martial Arts teacher!!!!
Megan turns to Bonta
MEGAN
Did you really do that?
BONTA
M-m-maybe I made a little mistake
and send him to a wYAong sensei!
HARIS
Not believing the crap that Bonta
says
Oh really??? A little mistake! I
was there for 2 days……or 3 months
or one year…I DON’T KNOW!!! I
DIDN’T HAVE A CLOCK!
BONTA
Please foYAgive me! I’ll do
anything
HARIS
Okay, okay! I guess I deserved it
for beating the crap out of you!
I forgive you , man! Somehow I
35
still got my haiku!
DAHRIN
Who taught you to write Haiku’s
then?
HARIS
The same one who taught me to
play guitar, poker, blackjack and
writing essays!!!
PALO
Youtube tutorial?
HARIS
Yep! I went to the neighbours
after I escaped and learned it!
MEGAN
Lol! Didn’t expect that!
HARIS
Me neither! However, here it is:
“Cold swims, brisk walks,
crackling fires
Autumn comes quickly”
Everybody, expect Bonta, is confused! They didn’t know what to
say.
BONTA
Crying
That….was….beautiful! So
emotional! WondeYAfull! (He
starts applauding)
DAHRIN
That sucked!
36
MEGAN
Shiiiit!
HARIS
Lol! I know! I thought it would
be funnier! ……(wondering) Is
Selver still going by bus?
DAHRIN
Aha! His going by bus for 3 weeks
now!
MEGAN
He sure is crazy!
Selver comes!
SELVER
Honey, I’m back! Oh, Haris you’re
here too?
HARIS
Aha! Just came! Beat Bonta up,
than became friends with him ,
wrote a Haiku and learned Martial
Arts
SELVER
Whatever! What’s for dinner? I’m
hungry!
HARIS
There’s nothing! And we are going
to do my next task too!
PALO
Well, well, well! Look how tables
turned! Haris came back, beat
Bonta up than became friends,
even though he screwed him over
for 3 weeks! Isn’t thi--Haris knocks Palo out!
37
HARIS
I hate it……hate it!
SELVER
Lol! Come on, Haris! It’s my turn
to shuffle! I’m sick of Japan!
Wanna party somewhere else!
Haris gives Selver his phone!
Meanwhile Palo regained consciousness!
HARIS
Take it!
SELVER
Come on! Something funny ..(he
shuffles)..#22. Go To !!!
Springbreak !!! Awesomeeeee!!!
MEGAN
SPRINGBREAK!!!!!
EVERBODY
Following Megan
SPR(YEAH)INGBR(YEAH)AK!!!!!
MEGAN
But where??? States and Canada
Springbreak is already over I
think!
SELVER
…yeah..there’s one in South
Africa…
HARIS
For real? I didn’t know that!
…Then let’s go to South Africa!
38
CUT
8
SUN CITY(SPRINGBREAK) / SOUTH AFRICA
EXT
MVP- ROCK YA BODY
The time is just passing by, which means no dialogues!
They are having a great time! They play and fool around! They
are doing that, what Springbreak is for!
2 Days passes and they fly back to Eureka!
9
LOFT / EUREKA
INT
They are all sitting and are having a drink!
That was good!... Let’s go with
the next task! Dahrin, wanna
shuffle?
DAHRIN
Sure! Give it to me! (He
shuffles)…#21 Go To Japan…again
HARIS
Whaaaaaat? It seems like I really
liked Japan...maybe more than a
friend...if you know what I
mean..
PALO
What the fuck? I don’t want to go
to Japan again! We were there
like a 3 days ago!
MEGAN
He’s right!
39
SELVER
Come on,guys! We promised to
Haris that we are going to do
everything on the list with him
if he wants to!... Everything! It
will be fun!
DAHRIN
Sit down , perv! You just wanna
ride those japanese buses!
HARIS
Whatever! Let’s just go!
TITLE OVER BLACK:
10 AIRPORT / CALIFORNIA
CUT
4 DAYS
LATER
INT
Haris,Palo,Dahrin,Selver and Megan are at the Airport sitting!
HARIS
Well that was lame!
MEGAN
Absolutely terrible!
HARIS
You know what? I hate this app
which is choosing the task! From
now on I choose the task!
Haris breaks the phone and threw it away!
SELVER
Screaming
What the hell are you doing? You
could sell it too?
40
PALO
Why? To get 100$ more? We are
richer than Richy Rich!... he he
he! It’s sure funny if you say it
faster! (faster) Richer than
Richy Rich, richer than Richy
Rich…nope it sucks!
MEGAN
Wondering
I still can’t undestand why Bonta
didn’t want to come with us...he
didn’t even say goodbye...
HARIS
Sarcasm
Yeah……he didn’t want to…
FLASHBACK
DARK ALLEY / JAPAN
EXT
Haris stands infront of Bonta, who is lying on the ground! He
looks pretty messed up!
HARIS
Screaming
YOU ARE NOT COMING WITH US!!!
UNDERSTAND?! I don’t like YOU!
And if you say something...(He
shoots in his leg)...it’s not
gonna end well!
BONTA
Crying
Okay,okay! Please, just don’t
kill me!
/FLASHBACK
41
HARIS
Cont’D
Yeah...I just can’t understand
him sometimes!
PALO
What are we going to do next,
then?
HARIS
Let me see what’s left on the
list!
...ok, let’s go with this one
#18 Go To California and sing at
the airport „California Love”
MEGAN
How come you live in Cali and
never did that? I know why I
didn’t do that! I don’t like that
kind of music!...If you can even
call it music!
HARIS
Wouu! Stop it there, blondie!
Please, don’t tell me you are
kind of people who only listen to
the old stuff, cuz they think
nowadays music is shit?
MEGAN
Sorry to dissapoint you, but I am
that kind of person!
42
PALO
Omg! She’s a Dahrin!
SPEAKERS: NEXT FLIGHT TO LOS ANGELES GOES IN 5 MINUTES
HARIS
We’ll discuss this later! Now we
got to catch that flight!
CUT
11 AIRPORT / LA
INT
They guys arrived at the airport and are well prepared!
Then they start singing and perfoming! The crowd likes the
music and are singing and dancing along with them! Megan looks
a little bored! After them a man comes to Haris
RANDOM MAN
That was awesome, bro! That, what
you did rarely happens here! You
can believe it or not! You really
are special!
The guys are happy and go with a smile! Megan follows them!
Another man comes to the first man
RANDOM MAN#2
Why did you lie to them?
RANDOM MAN
Oh! Did I, really?
RANDOM MAN#2
Yes! Look right now, the next one
are doing the same shit!
Turn right
Some other guys are doing the exactly same like what Haris’
group did!
43
RANDOM MAN
Oh! It look like I did!
RANDOM MAN#2
Man, are you high?
RANDOM MAN
Am I?
RANDOM MAN#2
Sure, you are! Give me a little
bit, dog!
Random Man gives Random Man#2 a joint
RANDOM MAN
Ok! Hehehe! You called me dog!
Random Man#2 takes a deep breath
RANDOM MAN#2
Giggling
Wh-what? What did I?
RANDOM MAN
Giggling too
You called me a dog! But I’m a
human! (he starts laughing)
RANDOM MAN#2
Oh!...(5 Seconds pass) Yes, I
did! (He starts laughing too) Why
did I do that?
RANDOM MAN
Exhaling&laughing
I don’t know!
44
12 SOME RESTAURANT / CALIFORNIA (EARLY AFTERNOON)
EXT
They are at a restaurant and are eating outside on the
terrace.
They guys are eating the first time fast food since 3 years!
MEGAN
Cont’d
What are we doing tonight?
HARIS
I can’t speak for you , but I am
going to a thing on my list, this
time alone!
MEGAN
What? Why?
SELVER
That thing, ah? Ok, then we are
goin’ to a club or somethin’
MEGAN
wait..wait.. what are you doing
tonight? If it’s a list thing, I
wanna go too!
PALO
No, you don’t want to!
MEGAN
How do you know?
HARIS
Relax guys! If she wants, she can
come! It could be fun! Just gonna
tell you two things! First, be
45
ready at 6 pm and second, there
will be many bitches!
MEGAN
That doesn’t sound bad!
Selver,Palo and Dahrin are giggling
DAHRIN
You’ll see! (giggling)
SELVER
One hint! There will be nonstop
heavy metal!
They are giggling louder!
CUT
13 MIDNIGHT - SOME HOTEL IN LA
INT
Dahrin, Selver and Palo are just coming back from partying and
they see a drunk Haris with a “I love Miley”-Shirt and a
pissed off Megan!
DAHRIN
Oh! Hi , Brangelina! ‘tsup?
MEGAN
Nothing, I’m just pissed off and
bored!
PALO
When did you come back?
MEGAN
At 9 pm! Why did you guys let me
go?
46
PALO
Hey,hey! I warned you! But you
didn’t want to listen!
SELVER
Come on! It can’t be so bad!
MEGAN
You think?
FLASHBACK
MILEY CYRUS CONCERT (OPEN AIR)
EXT
>>Megan is telling the story<<
We are in the middle of the crowd! Around us are only girls
from 6-15! Haris is singing along every song! More exactly, he
is screaming along every song! Especially at “7 Things” he
snapps! Then a girl goes to Haris! By the way, Haris is
already drunk!
11-YEAR-OLD-GIRL
Shut up, old man! We wanna sing
too and you stink! Go, shower!
HARIS
Shut up, bitch! Go away! Miley is
mine! She’s not a lesbian, so she
will never be yours, b-----itch!
The girl starts crying and the mother of the girl comes to
Haris
MOTHER OF THE 11-YEAR-OLD-GIRL
What the hell did you say to my
girl?
HARIS
Leave, milf! I am here for Miley!
MILEYYYYYYY!
47
MOTHER OF THE 11-YEAR-OLD-GIRL
You...really think I’m a milf?
GIRL
MUM!
MOTHER
Sorry, honey!(angry) How can you
do a such thing to a little kid,
you pervert!
HARIS
Oh, I’m a pervert? OK, maybe I’m!
But your daughter is a bitch
then!
The mother starts beating Haris with her purse! Security
somehow stops the fight and sends Haris on one side and the
mother on the opposite side!
[CUT BACK]
They guys are laughing and they are also still a little bit
drunk!
SELVER
Ha ha ha ha! That’s so fucking
funny! But still it wasn’t that
bad!
MEGAN
Wait for it! It comes worser...
After the show....
FLASHBACK CONTINUES
After the show Haris got a photo with Miley and she gave Haris
a signature on his shirt, “For Haris from Miley <3”! And
Haris, as crazy and drunk as he is, goes to every girl who
didn’t got anything from Miley and makes fun of her! For
example there was this little depressed 6-year old
HARIS
Hi, sweetie! Whaddup?
48
The girl laughs a bit
HARIS
You didn’t get anything from
Miley, ah?
The girl nods!
HARIS
Well.... I got something! ( He
laughs in her face) SEE! I got a
picture with her and she signed
my shirt! For HARIS , that’s me!
She didn’t write for a depressed
little baby! HAHAHA! IN YOUR
FACE!
The girl starts crying
HARIS
Ok, calm down! I was just joking
around! You want to get a picture
with her?
She nods crying
HARIS
WELL, SHE’s gone! IN YOUR FACE! I
got the last picture! You got
NOTHING! I got the last-Then I grab him and gave her, his picture!
/FLASHBACK
DAHRIN
OMG! I can’t believe he pulled
that off!
They scream laughing! They just can’t hold it tight!
Somehow they calmed down!
PALO
Haris is sleeping, right?
49
MEGAN
Like a drunk baby!
PALO
Well, well, well! Isn’t it funny
how Hari-Haris comes from nowhere and knocks Palo out
DAHRIN
What the fuck? Didn’t you say he
was sleeping?
SELVER
Omg!...Look at him..
Turn to Haris
..he is still sleeping!
HARIS
Whispering
Hate it....hate it!
MEGAN
Creepy!
CUT
14 HOTEL(CALIFORNIA) / LOS ANGELES
It’s lunchtime and they have ordered pizza and soft drinks!
They finish eating and Haris starts talking
HARIS
That was good! By the way, how
was your night?
The guys are coming from the bathroom after washing their
hands.
50
INT
PALO
It was fun! We were in a club and
we just enjoyed it. I was all
night in every-nizer mode!
Awesome night! Until....
DAHRIN
Yeah, it was great until... i was
so drunk that i threw glasses at
the dj for not playing some good
shit and they threw us out! The
only good thing he played was
Enrique!
HARIS
OMG, Enrique! He’s just the best!
But come on, Dahrin! What did he
play else?
SELVER
David Guetta, Flo Rida, Kesha,
Lady GaGa, Katy Perry...
HARIS
That sounds awesome!.. Oh, sorry
I forgot,that I am talking to a
Dahrin!
MEGAN
I don’t blame him! All of them
are horrible, except Enrique!
HARIS&SELVER&PALO
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt?
HARIS
Ok, let’s clear it, once for all!
How can you listen to old music?
Like Joe Cooker, Elvis, Johny
51
Cash and the rest? They all sound
boring to me!
MEGAN
OMG! Joe Cooker, Johny Cash and
expecially Elvis are legends and
made great music! They have
really good lyrics! For me good
lyrics are, when you start
thinking because of that lyrics!
Not something like, for Example:
Ke$ha!, Your love, your love,
your love is my drug...i love
your beard!
HARIS
Yelling
She loves beards, SO WHAT! We
have a very different opinion of
music!
MEGAN
Whatever, topic change! What are
we doing tonight?
HARIS
I got 5 tickets for tonight WWE
MONDAY RAW!!!
EVERYBODY
COOOOLLLLL!
DAHRIN
And now like highschool girls...
HARIS&PALO&SELVER
Cooooool!
52
CUT:TITLE OVER
BLACK
8 MONTHS LATER
15 WWE HALL / LOS ANGELES
INT
The camera flies over the audience and stops at Haris&Friends!
They are in the first row and they are totally enjoying the
show! Until suddenly Haris comes in the ring and took a mic,
which was in the ring from a previous fight! He goes in the
ring and starts talking
HARIS
OMG! I can’t believe it! You
actually enjoy this shit! THIS IS
FAKE!
The crowd boes
HARIS
Cont’d
SHUT UP! I just speak the truth!
If you want a prove , I’ll fight
anyone and I’ll beat him! AnyThe light goes out and the crowd goes wild!
The light goes on again and Haris is surprised while everybody
is cheering! Haris turns around and there’s the Undertaker!
The bell rings and the match starts!
HARIS
I am going to tear you apart, old
man! (he throws the mic)
Palo and Dahrin are at the commentary table and they comment
on the match!
PALO
Welcome Ladies and Gentleman! My
name is Palo and my co-host for
this fight is Dahrin
DAHRIN
Hello, Palo and thanks for having
me! Haris starts with some
punches on the Undertaker! Here
53
goes the irish wipe but
Undertaker counters it with a big
boot! Then Undertaker makes a
chokehold!
PALO
Oh my GOD! Is this the end? Haris
is somehow surviving it and
he...somehow comes to the rope!
DAHRIN
Haris is slowly standing up!
Undertaker is preparing for a big
punch and...HARIS COUNTERS IT
WITH AN ARMBAR!
PALO
UNBELIEVEABLE! Haris is really
trying to make the Undertaker
give up and.....I CAN’T BELIEVE
IT! UNDERTAKER TAPS OUT!
DAHRIN
O-M-fucking-G! The Undertaker
taped out! I just can’t believe
it! The hall is totally quiet!
PALO
That never happened before! Such
atmosphere! I -Dahrin interrupts Palo
DAHRIN
Shut up for a sec.! Haris starts
talking!
Haris takes the mic and starts talking again!
54
HARIS
Enjoying the silence
(he starts laughing maliociously)
What happened? Why are you so
quiet? What did I tell you? This
is all fake! They are not so
strong as you believe! WWE is
nothing more than gay theater!
While Haris is talking, Undertaker is already on his feet and
prepares for a Tombstone Piledriver!
The crowd cheers
HARIS
cont’d
Oh? You like that? There’s more-The Undertaker turns him around and does the Tombstone
Piledriver!
Then the screen disappears! We find out that they were
watching television! All of them are in the living room!
HARIS
That son of a bitch! I was 5
months in hospital and needed
another 3 for the regeneration
process!
PALO
Calm down! You defeated the
Undertaker fair and square! Ok,
he maybe almost killed you after
the match, however, you can bee
proud of yourself!
SELVER
Yeah! You beat the Undertaker,
son! Hello!
55
DAHRIN
Well, we lost 8 months for
finishing the list!
MEGAN
How much do you have left?
HARIS
16! And today is the 10th April,
so I only got 2 months and 30
days left!
MEGAN
That means, about 1 tasks in 6
days!
HARIS
Well, that’s not how I roll!
SELVER
Yeah! Fuck math, who are you? A
Bitch?
PALO
Nice one, Selver!
SELVER
Thanks! I needed 3 months for
that one!
HARIS
*laugh* Ok, let’s go!
DAHRIN
Where we going?
56
PALO
Don’t ask! Just go!
HARIS
Dahrin, we’re going to Hollywood!
And no! We will not look for
Robert Pattinson!
Dahrin and Megan sigh!
SELVER & HARIS
Twillight-freaks!
CUT
16 HOLLYWOOD / 12.AM
EXT
They see the big Hollywood sign!
They walk through some boulevards talking.
MEGAN
Whatever! What are we going to do
today?
PALO
I booked a hollywood tour for us!
So we can see the houses of the
celebrities!
HARIS
That’s just perfect! (evil smile)
CUT
17 TOURBUS / HOLLYWOOD
EXT
They are on a tourbus alone, just with a tour guide!
57
TOURGUIDE
Welcome lady and gentleman to our
special celebrity tour guide!
When you turn to the right you
see Brangelina’s house! And no,
that are not their staff, that
are actually their “kids”!
Everybody is wondering!
TOURGUIDE
cont’D
...Then the next house is Mel
Gibson’s house! Yeah, yeah, I
know! It doesn’t seem like a
celebrity house but ...cut him a
break, he is not at his A-Game! I
know he had a few flops but he
also made great movies! So LEAVE
MEL ALONE!
HARIS
What about ‘The Beaver’?
The camera was still on the tourguide while Haris said that,
so we could only recognize Haris on his voice!
TOURGUIDE
Which of your motherfuckers said
that? Ha? Who? You know what?
Nevermind...
The tourguide is still talking and defending Mel Gibson with
heart and soul while the guys are whispering
HARIS
whispering
You filming , Dahrin?
58
DAHRIN
whispering
Hell yeah!
MEGAN
whispering
Oh this is so going on youtube!
We’ll kick Justin Bieber’s little
small-girls-and-adult-man-love-me
ass!
PALO
Pretty big adjective! But I know
what’s big too!
EVERYBODY
Oh, please! Don’t do that!
SELVER
Your not the Todd from Scrubs!
Everybody is starring at Megan
They waiting until for Megan to say something
MEGAN
....yes, I know who the Todd is!
I loved Scrubs!
DAHRIN
Thank God, you know something!
PALO
No, no, no! To get back to my
point! What I meant with big, is
59
Will Ferrell’s house which we
just passed!
TOURGUIDE
Oh, yes that’s Will Ferrell’s
every-second-weekend-house!
PALO
Didn’t anyone see it?
DAHRIN
I didn’t
MEGAN
Me neither!
SELVER
Don’t know what you talking about
They are wating for Haris’ answer! They wait ‘till they find
out that Haris is not on the bus anymore!...
DAHRIN
Haris....?
CUT
18 WILL FERRELL’S HOUSE / HOLLYWOOD
EXT
Haris is standing infront of Will Ferrell’s gates!
It’s a big house with a sign : “No need for dogs! You won’t
rob me! I am the funniest man on earth! Ha-Ha-Ha!” Next to
that sign is another sign “No seriously, I got huskys!” and
next to that is another sign “I swear on my life I got
huskys!”! Next to that is another sign again “Ok, I got no
husky! You happy?!? They didn’t allow me to get huskys, so I
60
have bears!”! Haris nods and then sees again another sing “Oh,
come on! You don’t believe I got huskys, but believe I got
bears?!?”
HARIS
monologue
Finally!...finally, after all
these years, that I waited! After
so many emberrassing moments!
Today! Today is the day for my
revenge, Will Ferrell! It
couldn’t be any better! You even
refused to have dogs, which are
right after powerlesbians and
,recently, the Undertaker, my
arch enemies! Prepare yourself!
You’re going down!
Haris, after he had his monologue, enters Will Ferrell’s
property! There’s no one outside!
HARIS
Seems like there’s no one here! I
wonder...
And right after he said I wonder, the phone rings and his
ringtone “Lemon Tree” plays! And it start with “...how! I
wonder why............Lemon Tree”!
HARIS
Coooool! (He takes out his phone
and answers it) Whaddup?
NOW THE SPLITSCREEN IS ACTIVATED! DAHRIN IS ON THE LEFT AND
HARIS ON THE RIGHT SIDE!
DAHRIN
Where the hell are ya?
HARIS
Whatcha think?
61
DAHRIN
Not by my side...
HARIS
....that’s right
DAHRIN
...and why? Don’t you love me
anymore? What have I done to you?
HARIS
...nothing! You were absolutely
perfect to me....it’s
just.....WHADDAYA WANT FOR ME?
DAHRIN
Just don’t give up-HARIS
--I am working it out!-DAHRIN
--Please don’t give in-HARIS
--I won’t let you down!
They laugh!
DAHRIN
That was awesome! Too bad we’re
not really gay!
HARIS
Yep! The gays got everything!
62
DAHRIN
Ricky Martin, nice hair-HARIS
--they got really hot chicks as
“friends” ! And they got Neil
Patrick Harris! Even Neil!
DAHRIN
Yep! You remember when we find
that out that he’s gay?
FLASHBACK
LIVING ROOM / SARAJEVO
INT
We see Haris and Dahrin watching a HIMYM episode! It’s the
episode where Barney Stinson presents the Playbook! They can’t
stop saying how awesome that is! They are using Barney’s
“Legen---wait for it--dary” move and so on! After the episode
Haris stands up and goes to the pc!
DAHRIN
really? again?
HARIS
I can’t hold it! I have to go to
Wikipedia and read all about the
person I just watched on
television!
Miky infected me!
DAHRIN
Miky? Your brother Miky?
HARIS
No, Micky Mouse! Of course, Miky
my brother!
63
DAHRIN
I just asked, geez! You sound
like Christian Bale!
HARIS
Lol! I hope it was fucking good,
‘cause it’s useless now, isn’t
it?
Hahaha! I loved that part!
DAHRIN
Aha! I loled hard! By the way,
where’s Miky? It seems like I
haven’t seen him in ages!
HARIS
He just left 20 minutes ago with
Alen!
DAHRIN
Your cousin Alen?
HARIS
Are you high?
DAHRIN
Am I?
HARIS
Idiot! You left some for me?
DAHRIN
Left some for you what?
HARIS
Nevermind it’s useless to talk
with you now! (Haris is scrolling
the page)
64
Look at this filmography! ‘Harold
and Kumar Series’, ‘Starship
Troopers’, yes maybe I was 7 but
I loved the movie! Then he was
the voice of ‘Spiderman the
animated series’...i
mean...Spiderman! He’s like the
coolest hero ever! And then ‘How
I Met Your Mother’! What do you
want more!
DAHRIN
Wooow! He got really everything!
What’s the name of the lucky lady
beside him?
HARIS
..waiiitt...leeett..me...seee! I
can’t find any! Wait...let me
read through his Personal Life!
Haris screams OMG 3 times in ,every time , different
pronouncinations!
DAHRIN
What???
HARIS
furious
I can’t believe it! Why (he
stands up and punchs the wall 10
times)?!?
DAHRIN
screaming and wondering
WHAT THE FUCK?!? TALK TO ME! YOU
NEVER TALK TO ME!?!
Haris calmed down and starts crying!
65
HARIS
Go and read what I marked!
DAHRIN
Okay, let’s see! Can’t be that
big.... “Harris is openly gay,
confirming this in November 2006
by saying“!
So what’s the prob-- wait...what?
(Dahrin starts reading it again)!
WHAAAAATTT?!? (In the background
you can hear Haris crying and
giving himself the fault) Why?
WHY?
After 20 minutes...
DAHRIN
Hari!
HARIS
Yeah?
DAHRIN
It’s not your fault!
HARIS
w-what?
DAHRIN
It’s not your fault!
HARIS
I know! I know! He is a man and
he is responsible for-DAHRIN
No, no, Haris! It’s not ..your
fault!
66
HARIS
Don’t do this to me, man! Not
you!
DAHRIN
It’s not...your fault
HARIS
starts beating Dahrin with 1%
strength
Why is it so hard then?
DAHRIN
Shhhhh....it’s not your fault!
/FLASHBACK
HARIS
Man, that were the worst 8 months
in my whole life
DAHRIN
Mine too! But hey, because of
him, we have no longer
prejudgements against gay people!
HARIS
That’s really good?
DAHRIN
Guess so!
HARIS
Ok, then! I gotta hang up!
67
DAHRIN
Where are you, dammit?
HARIS
At Will Ferrell’s house!
DAHRIN
LOL! Why?
HARIS
Got it on my list “Tell Will
Ferell in his face that he's not
funny and that i'm 1000x
funnier”!
DAHRIN
Oh, yeah! I forgot! Ok! Come
downtown when you finish that!
HARIS
Okay! Cya, then!
BOTH
Bye!
Haris is infront of his door and he rings the bell! After 5
seconds waiting Will Ferrell opens the door! He’s in his
bathrobe and is having a drink in his hand!
HARIS
Will Ferrell?
WILL FERRELL
Got me ;)
68
HARIS
My name is Khan and I am not a
terrorist!
WILL
??? What?
HARIS
Sorry, got carried away! I mean I
am Haris and you are not FUNNY!
Will was smiling the whole time until he hears that Haris said
he is not funny!
WILL
serious face
What did you say?
HARIS
You...are...not...funny...old
man! And I’m thousand time
funnier th-Will attacks Haris with his glass!
He starts screaming
HARIS
Why did I totally expected that
(he stands up of the ground)
WILL
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, ASSHOLE? I AM THE FUCKING
FUNNIEST MAN IN THE WORLD! I AM
THE BEST-PAID COMEDIAN IN THE
WORLD
69
HARIS
DAVE CHAPPELLE AND WILL SMITH
WOULD KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!
WILL
OH, REALLY? BEN STILLER? (he
starts parodying Ben Stiller)!
Oh, hi! Look I’m the sweetest guy
in the world but with no luck
with the girls! Oh, shit I’m
trapped in a museum! Let’s make a
film with mr.weird-nose!
Haris is shocked and
HARIS
The first part ist Adam Sandler,
moron!
WILL
cont’d
WHATEVER!! WHO ELSE? DAVE
CHAPPELLE? HEY, LOOK AT ME I’M
BLACK AND I WILL JUST TELL
CLICHÉ’S THE WHOLE TIME!
BASICALLY I’M MAKING FUN OF YOU
BUT YOU ARE TO STUPID TO GET IT!
I’M RICK JAMES , BITCH! Does Will
Ferrell got to choke a bitch
tonight?
HARIS
YOU SON OF A BITCH! WOW, VERY
CREATIVE! OH, OWEN WILSON! LET’S
MAKE FUN OF HIS NOSE! THAT’S JUST
LOW...(the phone rings at your
hear the song Low from FloRida!
Haris just hangs up!) Not now!
WHERE WAS I? OH, YES! THEN YOU
REALLY WANT TO MAKE FUN OF BEN
STILLER? AREN’T YOU GUYS IN SUCH
A PACK, WHERE ONE OF YOU SHOWS UP
IN THE OTHER’S MOVIE! MAN, YOU
ARE BREAKING THE BRO-CODE!
70
WILL
I’M ONLY WITH THEM IN A PACK,
BECAUSE THEY BAGGED ME FOR 2
YEARS TO JOIN THEM! THEY ARE ALL
PATHETIC! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS
THE BRO-CODE?
Haris jumps on Will put in the last second the security comes
from nowhere and are holding Haris!
HARIS
And Dave? How dare you! AND WHAT
ABOUT WILL SMITH?
Will tells the security to take Haris outside!
WILL
Ok, maybe Will Smith is ok! But
only because his first name is
Will too!
HARIS
I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!
Haris knocks the security out and ran towards Will!
WILL
TEDDY#1 and TEDDY#2 come out!
Haris stops
HARIS
What? (he sees bears coming)
what...the..fuck? You really got
bears?!
WILL
Wow, I really got bears! I swear
to God, I thought I bluffed! Lol!
71
HARIS
Don’t use LOL , old-not-funny
man!
WILL
Shut up! GO MY TEDDYBEARS!
Haris running away
HARIS
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CUT
TITLE OVER BLACK:
20 MINUTES LATER
19 RANDOM STREET/ DAY
EXT
Haris is going on some street with this shorts a little bit
torn!
HARIS
Fuck! Those fucking bears
destroyed my clothes! Oh, a
store!
He goes in the store and comes out with new clothes!
HARIS
Good to be rich, good-looking,
smart,rich, funny and rich! Did I
really said three times rich?
He stops and start thinking in the “The Thinker”-pose!
Whatever! Let’s see what I got on
my list(he takes out the list and
start searching)...!
When he taked out the list, it reveals for the first time the
list! But only from number 13 to 30!
72
Okay, this doesn’t sound so bad
and he points at Start a fight
against a Superhuman Actor in
Real-Life but just call him with
his Superhero name ! Now I only
have to find it! Come on, can’t
me that hard! I’m in Hollywood,
after all! What is this (he
starts sniffling in the
air)...that smell! It can only
come from one fighter! So strong
and so unique! (A black-haired
woman passes Haris) You let your
guard down..
Haris starts to throw a punch at that women! But the women
turns around and blocks the punch! It’s Lucy Lawless!
HARIS
So it was you...XENA!
LUCY
Again this shit! I’m not...why I
do I even argue? Yes it’s me ,
Xena!
HARIS
I knew it!
LUCY
Yeah, you already said that,
Barbie!
HARIS
Why does everyone know my rap
name-Xena kicks Haris in the face!
Haris stands up!
73
LUCY
Why did you choose me, even
though powerlesbians are your
weakness, Haris?
HARIS
How do you know that? And who the
hell told you my name?
XENA
It’s written on your shirt!
Kamera flies to Haris’ shirt, where is written “Powerlesbians
are my weakness......by the way my name is Haris!”
XENA
You shouldn’t buy such shirts!
HARIS
Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best
thing to buy shirts at a copy
shop! However, they are just what
I am thinking in the moment!
PALO
I know! ( On his shirt: I know!)
Palo and all the others are now showing up!
HARIS
Guys! Hi-SELVER
Oh, shut up! You cockblocked me!
74
HARIS
How?
SELVER
I almost got my game on Xena, but
you interrupted me , bitch!
DAHRIN
Bad bitch! You don’t cockblock
friends!
HARIS
I didn’t knew it, I had it on my
list!
EVERYBODY
except Haris and Xena
CLICHÉ!
They do a CTS with Haris!
HARIS
Why is that a cliché?
DAHRIN
Really? Gotta explain?
Haris nods!
DAHRIN
White man punching a woman and
giving a lame excuse!
HARIS
Oh, yeah! I just don’t think
sometimes!
75
DAHRIN
That’s the alcohol! I almost
forgot to breathe yesterday!
Haris laughs!
HARIS
Ok, we’re gonna talk later! Let
me finish this fight!
Haris continues the fight and Palo and Dahrin are starting to
comment!
DAHRIN
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemans to
todays ‘Beat the Powerlesbian’!
Todays powerlesbian, the
famous...
DAHRIN & PALO
XENA!
DAHRIN
As always by my side, Palo!
PALO
Aww that was sweet!...However,
thanks for having me here again
Dahrin! It’s Haris 8 attempt to
beat a powerlesbian! Is he really
going to succeed today?
DAHRIN
To be honest, Palo, I don’t think
so! Look how she is demolishing
him! She is tearing him apart!
PALO
Yeah, that really doesn’t look
good for Haris! But wait...omg
there’s the armbar! That’s the
move which defeated The
76
Undertaker, but Xena is not
Undertaker!
DAHRIN
Oh my God, look at that! It isn’t
affecting her at all! Holy shit,
what a kick!
PALO
And that’s it! She totally
destroyed Haris! It seems like
he’ll never beat a powerlesbian!
Xena helps Haris standing up!
PALO
Well, well Dahrin! It ended as
expected! Haris just can’t beat a
powerlesbian! It seems like they
are his cryptonite! It’s like-Haris knocks Palo out!
HARIS
I hate it....hate it!
MEGAN
Why are you doing that Haris?-PALO
It’s ok...I...kinda...missed it!
MEGAN
We were only about one hour
apart!
PALO
Shut up! Why don’t you ( Palo
comes really close to Megan and
he activates his Everynizer-mode)
77
help me?
Megan is totally falling for the every-nizer!
Palo, then sees Dahrin and stops it! Then he sees Haris and
continues but then he sees Dahrin again and stopps! Then he
sees Haris again and continues but then he sees Dahrin again
and stopps!
PALO
Gotcha!
HARIS
I need something to relax?
From nowhere pops Danny Masterson out!
DANNY
Did anyone said to relax?
SELVER
Holy shit! You’re Hyde from ‘That
70’s show’!
HARIS
Oh shit, you really are!
DANNY
Yeah! My real name is...whatever,
call me Hyde!
DAHRIN
Only one thing left....
Everybody turns to Megan
MEGAN
...yes, I know the 70’show!
78
HARIS
Thank God! You really were on
thin ice and we already discussed
and figured out if you don’t know
the next one , we were going to
kick you out but now..you’re
safe!
EVERYBODY
Yeah, you save! Save, yeah!
MEGAN
sarcastic
Oh, really? Am I blushing?
HYDE
Hey, hey! You are all to
stressed! I know something that
would help!
20 SOME RANDOM APPARTMENT / VERY CHAOTIC
INT
The are doing the famous “circle” from the 70th’S show, the
only differnce is ,that they are doing a square! They are now
in “circle-mode” (that means that only one person is shown at
one time)
HYDE
Sorry, we can’t do the circle but
the producers told me if I ever
do it again, they will first suit
me and then break my legs!
DAHRIN
Really this is not a circle?
SELVER
Don’t worry! This is much...(he
starts giggling)..better!
79
MEGAN
How can someone come to the name
Hyde?
HARIS
How can you never shut up! ( He
puts his serious face for 4
seconds, then he starts laughing)
just kidding, just kidding!
PALO
I like your shoes!
HYDE
Well at the casting I came
high...
While he is saying “I came high” a flashback starts!
FLASHBACK
CASTING FOR THAT 70’S SHOW
INT
We see Danny coming from the door! He is clearly high!
THE PRODUCERS (FACE NOT SHOWN)
Hi!
DANNY
I’m not hyde..high...hi!
THE PRODUCERS
You got the job!
DANNY
You got the what?...(he starts
laughing)
/FLASHBACK
80
HYDE
That’s it!
DAHRIN
Is this really not a circle?
CUT
21 EUREKA / NIGHT
INT
They are all in the living room! They are about to leave!
MEGAN
I am so excited! Vegas!
DAHRIN
Have you never been in Vegas?
MEGAN
I’ve been like 5 times there, but
that’s the first time I got money
with me!
DAHRIN
Oh, okay!
SELVER
We ready?
PALO
Not yet! Haris, you ready?
HARIS
Yes! I think I can beat him!
81
PALO
Let’s see!
Palo stands up and turns on the playstation 3 with mortal
kombat in it! He picks the controller up and gives it to
Haris!
MEGAN
What are you doing?
HARIS
Doing my list! Number #3 Beat
Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat!
MEGAN
That’s #3?
SELVER
It’s much tougher than you think!
DAHRIN
No one beats Sub-Zero!
PALO
No one!
HARIS
Wow! That’s some great support
right there!
DAHRIN
Just speaking the truth! But
maybe you can beat him today!
HARIS
Let’s see!
82
Haris is playing about 2 and a half hour now and still hasn’t
beat Sub-Zero! He’s getting “advices” from the group! But it’s
just making him more nervous!
HARIS
Stop shouting, you are only
making me more nervous!
They shut up
HARIS
cont’D
Ok! This is the last character
and at the same time, my best!
MEGAN
Wait a minute! You play about
three hours and now you are using
your best character?
HARIS
I save..the best for last!
EVERYBODY
CLICHÉ!
They do a CTS which raises Megan’s mood!
HARIS
All right, Scorpion! Make me
proud!
Haris fight Sub-Zero and it’s a very intense fight and somehow
Haris wins! He get’s all excited and screams like a highschool
girl!
HARIS
Finally! I beat Sub-Zero! Yesss!
83
Haris is celebrating!
MEGAN
You finished?
HARIS
...yeah! Let’s go to Vegas!
EVERYBODY
VEGAS!
HARIS
wait...are you thinking the same
thing as me?
SELVER
Are you thinking the same as ME?
DAHRIN
No, no! Are you thinking the same
as ME?
PALO
NO, no...no! Are you-MEGAN
ROADTRIP!!!
GUYS
ROADTRIP!
EVERYBODY
CLICHÉ!
84
HARIS
in the background
Can we ever scream not a cliche?
They do a CTS
22 HOTEL / VEGAS
EXT
The camera flies over Vegas and shows some Hot Spots! Seconds
later we see the guys ,already checked in, in their room!
DAHRIN
Well…i expected Roadtrips to be
more fun…
SELVER
but the the first 20 minutes were
awesome…
MEGAN
..and the rest just boring
silence
HARIS
well, the singing was great!
PALO
Seriously guys, stop reading my
shirt!
On Palo’s shirt is written: “Well…i expected roadtrips to be
more fun……but the the first 20 minutes were awesome……and the
rest just boring silence…well, the singing was great!
HARIS
You really like long-texted
shirts!
85
PALO
They are my thing...just like you
with the list!
HARIS
I like!
DAHRIN
Let’s go outside!
23 STREET / LAS VEGAS
EXT
They are walking down the main street
DAHRIN
It’s good that you choose Las
Vegas to be under the last things
MEGAN
Why that?
DAHRIN
‘cuz he could do ,like more than
the halve, here!
SELVER
Look there’s Will Ferrell, Xena
...here look, tonight’s a Miley
Cyrus concert!
HARIS
Yeah, I’m smart!
PALO
You fart?
86
HARIS
No! I said I’m smart!
PALO
hehe...where’s the
difference?...heh
SELVER
You high?
PALO
Am I?
MEGAN
Dammit! Why don’t you share with
us?
HARIS
How could this happen so fast?
DAHRIN
Look, Haris! You’re buying weed
right now!
Haris looks at his hands and sees how he buys weed!
HARIS
You too!
DAHRIN
What?
Dahrin looks at his hands too and see that he also just bought
weed!
87
DAHRIN
Damn it! That happenned so fast!
PALO
That’s Vegas, baby! In one second
your the king and in the next you
have a cousine in Australia!
Everybody looks confused at Palo
HARIS
You got to give us more!
PALO
... which gives you money all the
time because you’re a gambler or
addicted to drugs or alcohol or
all of them! HAVE I to explain
your everything!
MEGAN
...why Australia?
PALO
annoyed
oh my god (facepalm)! Because he
lives there his boring life, but
not so boring to kill himself,
because he got to work with cool
animals like kangorous and
koalas! Daaah!
There’s about 10 seconds of silence
HARIS
Come on, Megan! That was so
obvious!
88
DAHRIN
You got a lot of catch-up to do!
MEGAN
Come on! How could I know that
when he says “you got a cousine
in Australia” ! However, I love
Koalas! They are so sweet!
PALO
They are like exotic teddybears
in a good way!
DAHRIN
How’s exotic meant in a good way?
PALO
Exotic dancer?
SELVER
Stop acting meganish!
HARIS
Nice!
SELVER
Yeah! Worked on that for couple
of hours!
MEGAN
Enough of the talk! Let’s find a
casino!
HARIS
There’s nothing tougher than to
find a casino in Las Vega--
89
DAHRIN
Stop it! It’s enough!
MEGAN
Thank you, Dahrin!
DAHRIN
Don’t give them food! Find a
casino in Las Vegas! Come on! Get
a drink or something!
HARIS
I got a plan! Let’s split in one
pair of three and one pair of two
and go in different casinos! We
will meet here exactly in two
hours!
Everybody agrees and are going in pairs! Haris goes with Palo,
while Megan and Dahrin are together...and Selver!
DAHRIN
Selver...could you? (He turns his
neck to Selver, as a sing for him
to leave so he can be alone with
Megan)
SELVER
What??
DAHRIN
Don’t you wanna go with Haris and
Palo?
SELVER
Naahh! I’m good here!
90
DAHRIN
Really? I kinda wanted to go
alone-SELVER
So why don’t you?
DAHRIN
Let me finish! Alone with Megan!
SELVER
How can you go alone, but then in
the same time go with somebody
else? That doesn’t make any
sense? You high?
DAHRIN
I want to go alone with her (he
leans his head to Megan) ! Just
her and me!
SELVER
Again that shit! You can’t use
alone with the word “with”!
Doesn’t make any sense
MEGAN
If he wants to come with us , he
can? Why not?
SELVER
See, Dahrin! No problem!
HARIS
You are totally breaking the brocode!
91
PALO
Totally! Megan, could you shut
your ears? Just for a sec!
Thanks!
MEGAN
Whatever, dude!
PALO
Listen, Selver! Entry #20! Haris
could you please?
HARIS
Sure! When two bros are fighting
over one chick then the last one
who saw her, has to stop chasing
her and give the first bro the
chance!
DAHRIN
See!
SELVER
You just got one little mistake
there, Dahrin!
DAHRIN
What mistake?
SELVER
I saw her first
DAHRIN
No, you did not!
PALO
Wait...wait! Sure, Selver saw her
first! You know when Haris opened
the door, only Selver had the
view to see her!
92
DAHRIN
Dammit!
SELVER
So I got to go with here alone!
But relax, you can go with us
only if you sing “Baby” when I
snap! Just the refrain and only
the one time I snap!
Dahrin is confused but chooses to accepted the offer! And so
they leave! Haris and Palo are going to the left and the
others are going to the right!
24 RANDOM CASINO / LAS VEGAS
INT
We see Dahrin,Selver and Megan on the Blackjack table! They
are all drunk but still Dahrin is a professional gamer, so
he’s actually winning! Selver and Megan ,on the other side,
are just losing but they are enjoying it! As good as Dahrin
plays the more and more people are coming to see him! Selver
leaves for a second! At this point there are many people
around Dahrin’s table and cheering for him! Selver comes back
with a big grin in his face!
SELVER
Dahrin...(Dahrin turns around and
he snaps! As soon as he snapped
in the background we here Justin
Bieber’s - Baby!)
JUSTIN BIEBER - BABY
The song started and it can be seen on Dahrin’s face that he
is struggeling but then it’s about the refrain and he stands
up from his chair. He turns around and starts to sing the
refrain along with the music! And first the people were just
confused, then laughed and then they started singing along!
They go crazy! He starts enjoying it! After the song finished
he got a standing ovation and was given the nickname J-BOP!,
which stands for JUSTIN BIEBER OF POKER!
93
CUT
25 MEETPOINT / LAS VEGAS
EXT
We see Dahrin’s group going to the meetpoint! Haris and Palo
are already there and totally drunk
DAHRIN
Haris? Palo?
HARIS
Who wants to know that? Cops? Or
much worser...powerlesbians?
DAHRIN
It’s us, idiots! How was your
time?
PALO
It was awesome! We were losing
the whole time, when-MEGAN
Wait a sec! How can that be
awesome?-PALO
--Let me finish! Damn! You’re so
meganish!
MEGAN
Daaah, I’m Megan! I mean..stop it
right there!
PALO
You didn’t let me finish , so!
Okay, now to continue my story!
We were totally losing, that’s
94
why a man invited us to play
poker with some celebrities! He
thought we can’t play so he can
beat us easily but when we were
there, we smashed it! Haris was
first and I was second! He won so
much money that he had more money
than Anne Hatheway!
Megan looks confused
PALO
cont’d
I know, I know! It sounds
confusing but on he has it on his
list! Have more money than Anne
Hatheway for 3 Mississipi’s! So
we waited for 3 very long
mississipi’s and partyed until 2
minutes ago, when some nice guy
droves us here!
DAHRIN
Anne Hatheway, the celebrity?
PALO
No! Anne is turkish and means
mother!
HARIS
It’s a women from Oxford , who is
now in Turkey and helps the poor
people-PALO
And then they figured out to call
her instead of Mother Hatheway,
Anne Hatheway!
HARIS
So she could feel as a part of
them!
95
MEGAN
Okay! So, the celebrity!
HARIS
yeah... but the story wasn’t that
bad! Nice start, Palo!
PALO
Yeah, I know! But you continued
it perfectly!
SELVER
I know I should have been with
you, girls!
DAHRIN
Told ya! ...and by the way in
your face!
SELVER
Calm down, J-BOP!
PALO
WTF is a J-BOP?
HARIS
Justice-Brotherhood off power?
DAHRIN
Stop guessing random names!
They laugh!
MEGAN
No! Dahrin was winning--
96
HARIS
He he he! Funny!
MEGAN
Why do you laugh?
HARIS
Because of your story!
PALO
Daaaah!
HARIS
I know the rest! You don’t have
to explain us like Palo explained
you the “cousin in Australia”
issue!
MEGAN
OK, let me see!
PALO
He was winning and so people
gathered up! Selver thought it’s
the perfect situation for the
Baby-Joker!
HARIS
So Dahrin did it and the people
liked it and gave him the
nickname Justin Bieber of Poker
or J-BOP!
MEGAN
How do you know?
PALO
It’s a Haris thing....
97
Megan looks at Palo like she’s expecting more information
PALO
cont’d
Haris is my last name!
MEGAN
Really? I didn’t know that
PALO
Of course you didn’t ... Because
I just changed it YESTERDAY?
MEGAN
Really?
PALO
No, not really!
MEGAN
Whatever! After Dahrin did the
‘Baby’ we drink something, and
the hour is over! Unbelievable
that all that happened in one
hour!
PALO
Amazing! What’s with Selver? He
was ok, just right now?
MEGAN
I think he’s drunk!
DAHRIN
Nope!
HARIS
How do you know?
98
DAHRIN
You forgot? ...Everytime he’s
drunk he changes to Will I Am
mode!
MEGAN
What’s that?
DAHRIN
That’s when he starts talking
roboticly like Will.I.am sings!
MEGAN
Ahhaaaa!
SELVER
will-i-am-mode
That is not true!
MEGAN
Ok he’s drunk! Let’s go home!
Megan and Palo are helping Selver home and they go infront!
Haris is behind them with Dahrin
DAHRIN
Wow! How did you know?
HARIS
What?
DAHRIN
The J-Bop thing?
HARIS
I already explained it...
99
Dahrin is giving Haris a i-don’t-believe-you look!
HARIS
cont’d
...okay! Selver filmed everything
and send it to me!
DAHRIN
Oh! That explain everything, but
the J-Bop thing? It was too loud,
you couldn’t hear anything!
HARIS
Who do you think suggested it?...
DAHRIN
...you?
HARIS
Nope, Palo did! But thanks for
believing that I would do it!
CUT
26 HOTEL ROOM / 8.AM
INT
While Selver is still sleeping, the rest is chatting! Haris
and Dahrin are at their last check before going out!
MEGAN
Wow! You really looked prepared!
DAHRIN
Yeah! I hope we can be
successful!
100
HARIS
I hope to get to the final table!
PALO
Eh, you can’t get into the final
table in one day!
DAHRIN
That’s right if we were at the
beginning, but Haris and me are
qualified for the last 50! So
today is the last day of the
WSOP!
MEGAN
Wow! Impressing! But Haris what’s
with your clothes? Everywhere is
written “The Solution”!
HARIS
I tried to make a name! “The
Solution” is my nickname! I want
the world to know that!
PALO
Like that one time?
HARIS
Shut up! “Freezy” hat potential!
MEGAN
(she laughs) Freezy! Hey, how
come that Palo is not going too?
HARIS
Palo can’t control himself!
MEGAN
How is that meant?
101
DAHRIN
He starts punching people, who
see that he’s bluffing or who ARE
bluffing!
MEGAN
Come on, that can’t be true!
PALO
That’s true! (turning to Haris
and Dahrin)
HARIS
He even beat up a fat kid because
he bluffed.
PALO
Yeah....he deserved it!
MEGAN
Creepy! However, good luck to
you!
HARIS
Shut up! Let’s go, Dahrin!
(starts laughing)! Sorry Megan, I
just thought it would be
funny...ha ha ha...okay bye, bye,
bye (while he says bye, he looks
at her face but it’s not moving!
She got a evil look!) See you,
Megan! Megan! Megan!
Dahrin is already out of the room and Haris is also out except
for his head
HARIS
cont’d
Megan, Meg--
102
Megan throws a bottle at Haris and Haris can , just in time,
close the door before the bottle hits his head!
CUT:
TITLE OVER BLACK
14 HOURS LATER
27 HOTEL ROOM / 10:15 P.M
INT
Palo,Selver and Megan are in the room and are playing def jam
rapstar! They are all rap-like dressed! Megan is rapping “Ruff
Ryders Roll” from DMX against Selver! She’s killing him! Palo
is provoking Selver! Haris comes! He looks depressed and has a
bottle of Tequila in his hands!
MEGAN
Hey, young money? What’s
poppin?
Haris is so drunk that he doesn’t recognize Megan with her new
clothes and he slang!
HARIS
confused
Where the fuck am I? Is this room
117?
PALO
Yeah, Haris! You’re at the right
place! Tell us how was it?
HARIS
I won!
PALO
You won? Cool! But
you then so dep--
103
why are
HARIS
--ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID? You
think I would be like this if I
won? ...Okay, maybe I would be
drunk like this but I wouldn’t be
messed up like this...i would be
a lot more messed up! How can you
be so?.. I had two aces!....two
aces...I was-Dahrin’s entrance interups Haris monologue! Dahrin comes
highly motivated and happy!
DAHRIN
Whaddup, G’s?
PALO
Okay, you won? Nice , Dahrin!
DAHRIN
That’s right! J-Bop owned it!
MEGAN
What happenned to Haris?
DAHRIN
Fuck him! I won , baby baby!
MEGAN
Ey man! That ain’t cool! You
gotta be there for ya brotha! I
mean stop being a jerk!
104
DAHRIN
Ok, sorry! I eliminated Haris in
the finals! I won with a 10,J
suited against his two aces!
As soon as Haris heard “two aces” he screamed “TWO ACES!”
DAHRIN
(looking at Haris) Yeah, two
aces, bitch! I’m the man!
Haris gathers himself up and goes to the group!
HARIS
Ok, enough self-pity! I need to
have fun! I think it’s time for
the next list-thing! You wanna
hear it?
EVERYBODY
Yes, yes! Come on!
MEGAN
I hope they are some hot
girls...i mean guys!
SELVER
Yeah, me too!
HARIS
Okay, we’re going to Jersey
Shore!
Dahrin and Selver are not believing Haris, but after Haris
convinced them , they are extremly excited! Megan is not-sohappy as those two but also very happy! So is everybody really
excited, except for ......PALO!
105
PALO
What is Jersey Shore?
The atmosphere changed! It’s just silence now! Everybody turns
to Palo, even though Palo is infront of them!
EVERYBODY
CLICHÉ!!!
They do a CTS!
HARIS
It’s such a cliché! First change
from exciting to silence and that
the “turning around”-thing! Even
though he is infront of us!
Whatever, Palo is just kidding,
right? Right? Right? Right?
Right? Right? Right? Right? Ri---
PALO
NO! Suti vise*!
*Suti vise : pronouncination(shuti vishe)
MEGAN
Suti vise?
SELVER
It’s bosnish and means ‘shut up
already’!
MEGAN
Oooohh!
106
DAHRIN
How can you not know what Jersey
Shore is? You were living with us
for 7 years!
PALO
I don’t know! I kinda skipped
that!
HARIS
What about the allusions? We , I
mean me,Dahrin and Selver are
using it in our everyday life!
You always played along even
though you didn’t even had a clue
what we were talking about?
PALO
Yeah!
MEGAN
Omg, Palo! Even I know Jersey
Shore!...wait why am I talking
about myself like this? ..You
guys are bad enviroment!
HARIS
Thanks, Yoko-Ono!
They laugh even Megan!
Unfortunately Palo laughs too! Haris, Selver and Dahrin point
their finger at Palo and aren’t looking so happy!
SELVER
Man, you fucked up!
DAHRIN
Fucked up big times ,dog!
107
HARIS
Be quiet for a sec! Sorry, Palo
you can’t come with us! It’s for
your own good!
Palo is close to tears but he can also understand it!
DAHRIN
Yeah, man! You would get lost!
SELVER
I know it seems pretty hard but
it really isn’t! That’s why I
said seems! Halloo!!!
HARIS
Daaah! (to Megan)
MEGAN
Why to me?
HARIS
Sorry, bad habit!
Haris goes to his jacket and gets 3 dvd’s out! It’s the three
seasons of Jersey Shore!
MEGAN
You got that in your jacket?
HARIS
For emergency’s! (he turns his
head to Palo)
108
MEGAN
Well, well! I have nothing
against it! Only that normal
people have something that they
really need in emergencys, like
they Asthma-Spray, a credit card
or something like that..b-but you
got the three season of Jersey
Shore!....Freak
HARIS
Huh?
MEGAN
Nothing!
HARIS
(turns to Palo again) Here take
this
Palo takes the dvds
HARIS
cont’d
You will know what we mean, when
you watched this! But before, do
anything what you wanted to do in
the next 2 days, because once you
start watching the show you get
addicted!
Everybody agrees!
SELVER
in the background
I even missed my birthday!
HARIS
Let’s go !
109
DAHRIN
Now?
SELVER
making fun of Dahrin
No, after we watch all TwillightMovies together! Yay, Robert
Pattinson!
DAHRIN
It’s not even funny anymore!
SELVER
I know! I only do that, because I
am insecure!!
DAHRIN
...rea--
Haris and Megan are already out! Megan yells
MEGAN
--Come on, Ladies! Let’s go!
Dahrin and Selver go after them! Palo is all alone now! He
looks around him and starts singing
110
PALO
Lonely, I’m so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
I’m so lonely, I’m mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn-Okay, I got to take a shit,
first!
CUT
28 BEACH (NJ) / DAY
We see
Dahrin
Selver
a sexy
INT
the guys at the beach with new clothes! Haris and
are wearing tank tops, Haris black and Dahrin white!
is wearing a shirt with sleeves while Megan is wearing
bikini, but not showing to much skin!
HARIS
This is beautiful!
MEGAN
Yeah, beautiful sight!
Megan is turning her head to Haris where she sees Haris
watching at some girl-on-girl action! Haris is flirting from
distance!
MEGAN
Haris!
HARIS
(turns his head to Megan) Huh?
MEGAN
Whatever!
111
SELVER
So, what are we gonna do?
DAHRIN
Just enjoy it!
HARIS
He’s right, Selver! Just enjoy
it!
They hang out on the beach!
DUCK SAUCE - BARBRA STREISAND
They make a contest who does the best “artwork” with sand with
Selver as the judge! Megan makes a nice-build mansion with 2
floors! Dahrin makes the same just two times bigger and with a
lot more of details! Haris makes a guitar and everybody is
surprised! He starts playing it, when suddenly a man comes and
grabs the guitar! He find out that Haris guitar was just a
normal guitar with sand!
HARIS
It could be!
Time passes and it’s about 2 p.m!
They are lying on the beach, tanning, when Selver starts
talking!
SELVER
How are we going to find the
Situation-As soon as he said “Situation”, Mike, the real “Situation”,
shows up!
MIKE THE SITUATION
You called me, bro?
112
DAHRIN
That took forever!
HARIS
O-M-G! It is THE SITUATION!
MIKE THE SITUATION
Hey, bro, please don’t get this
wrong but I’m not only the
Situation! I don’t like it
anymore when people only call me
like that, you know! Bro, I-I’m
Michael Sorrentino! You know what
I mean?
Haris and the group is now a little emberassed and they try to
apologize!
DAHRIN
I know! I know, we are sorry! We
didn’t want to offend you or
something like that-HARIS
Yeah, yeah! We just though
that..nevermind..it’s our fault-MIKE
PUNK’D! (he starts laughing) Of
course I’m the Situation, in
every Nation, (he shows his
abs)that’s why they call me ‘the
Situation’!
They need a few seconds to realize the situation and then
laugh!
HARIS
You really got us in that
situation, Situation!
113
MIKE
Yes, I did! (he laughs)
HARIS
I am your biggest fan. You’re so
cool, honest and just straight
up!
MIKE
You wanna smoosh, bro? (He takes
off his glasses and looks at
Haris confused! Seconds pass and
he laughs again) Gotcha again!
Now for real I appreciate that,
bro! (He turns to Megan) Do you
think like that, too?
MEGAN
Sure (flirting) !
They get really near each other
MIKE
Oh right we got a Situation!
Dahrin goes beetween them!
MIKE
What is the problem, dude? Why
did you cockblock me?
DAHRIN
She’s my... GF!
Megan smiles! They guys are surprised!
MIKE
So?
114
HARIS
(he laughs) Nice one! I wanted to
ask you if you would go out with
us, but before suit our clothes
to the shore!
MIKE
You know what? (he makes a pause
and letting the guys believe he’s
going to say yes) No!
The guys are surprised, but they can undestand it
MIKE
Im just fucking with you! (He
turns to Megan) especially with
you-DAHRIN
Stop!
MIKE
Just saying! Just saying! Ok
let’s go! We have 10 hours until
going out! We are going to GTL
first and then the makeover and
after that we’re going to
practice flirting and THEN we’re
going to a club!
They are about to go when Haris...
HARIS
Mike! I have to ask you something
first!
MIKE
No prob, bro! Be straight up!
115
HARIS
Ok, straight-up-talk! As your
nickname “The Situation” I also
have one! I wanted to ask, what
you think of it! Okay, you
ready... “The Solution” ...
There’s a moment of silence!
MIKE
mumbling
The Solution?... I liked it! It’s
cool!
Haris is very happy and excited and takes his list out and he
strikethrough something from the list! The camera shows the
list and we see the tasks from 5-9 with one not done yet, Go
to a OF-Love Show! They go now and as they go we can hear
Haris and Mike having a dialogue!
MIKE
I think I know you from
somewhere!
HARIS
Could be! I did many things in
the past 9 months!
MIKE
Now I remember, man! You the one
guy who fighted against the
Undertaker, bro! You’re sick!
HARIS
Oh, yes indeed! I beat him!
MIKE
I heard he almost broke your
neck!
116
HARIS
Yeah, yeah! ..kinda remember
that!
MIKE
That was dope, you know! Tell me
something about you!
HARIS
Well it all started in my mom’s
uterus!
CUT
29 JERSEY SHORE / MIDDAY - AFTERNOON
EXT
They first go to the gym, where we see Haris who’s in really
good shape and a more or less slappy Dahrin! Then they get a
tanspray and spray themselves! They got a problem at tanning,
because there’s no difference beetweeen before/after on Selver
so they gave up on him! Then they go buy clothes! Mike first
let them go buy by themselves but Mike is not happy with the
choosen clothes at all! He then takes over control! And they
all come out with clothes that Mike picked and they all wear
the exactly same!
MEGAN
You friggin’ kidding me?
MIKE
(he starts laughing)That’s the
Situation multiplied! (laughs) I
can’t believe it. You really put
it on!
They go back to their changing rooms!
MIKE
Hey, hey! That was just a joke! I
was just checking your trust! Now
117
put the other ones, that I choose
for you! You’ll love it!
They come out and they really look good!
MIKE
That’s the right situation!
After the clothes were bought they go to a barber shop!
guys are getting a new haircut and they get their chest
back hair removed! Next to them Megan, who is getting a
pedi!
After that they go to Situation’s house and get dresses
parfumed! Then they go out, it’s still day, by the way!
The
and
maniand
CUT
30 RESTAURANT / CITY
EXT
We see all of them at a table drinking some soft drinks! Mike
starts talking
MIKE
You look good now! You have great
tan, except for you, Selver!
SELVER
I tried my best, coach!
MIKE
I know , I know! Now hard
feelings, just sayin’! So it’s
time , to tell you how to flirt
with a girl! I guess I don’t have
to explain it to you two (Dahrin
and Megan)! So that leaves you
two! Selver and The Solution!
HARIS
Please, just call me “Solution”!
118
MIKE
As you wish! First, you got any
questions?
SELVER
Just one! Why do you call ugly
chicks grenades?
HARIS
Yeah, I wanted to ask that too!
We from Europe, for example, say
‘grenade’ or ‘bomb’ to a really
hot chick!
SELVER
You know, she’s hot like a bomb!
Like that!
MIKE
I get that asked a lot of times!
I’ll just ask you one question!
Would you like to be next to a
‘bomb’ , ‘grenade’ or an ‘atomic
bomb’ , so that it can blow you
up!
HARIS & SELVER
Nooo...
MIKE
See!
HARIS
Oh! Okay! Oh, and Mike, don’t
forget I still got something on
my list to do here!
SELVER
What?
119
MIKE
I think something like Create a
new Abbreviation like GTL,DTF and
Go clubbing with The Situation ,
right?
HARIS
Correct!
MIKE
We will go to clubs later but the
other thing is not easy as you
might think! The most important
thing is that it has to come
naturally! You can’t force it!
You know what I mean?
HARIS
Yeah, yeah! Thanks! OK, now start
teaching!
MIKE
There are only three rules! Be
funny, sexy and have good mood!
HARIS
That’s it? No special words or
something like that!
SELVER
Are you doing it like that?
MIKE
Not anyomore! I just show my
“Situation” and I have a
situation! But it only works for
me! Ok, now you(Selver) try that
on that chick(he shows to one
side)--
120
Selver goes
MIKE
cont’D
--And you(Haris) try that on-where the hell is Haris?
We see Haris already coming back with the girl’s number! He
sits down, feeling like a million bucks! He starts talking
HARIS
It really worked! I just did
those things! I was funny, sexy
and had a good mood! It was
really-- wait a moment! Is Selver
flirting with a tranny?
MIKE
No way, bro! ( He looks to
Selver) Holy shit, it really
could be a tranny!
DAHRIN
...Should we help him?
MEGAN
Of course!
HARIS
I gotta STB!
MIKE
STB?
HARIS
‘Save the brother’ !
121
DAHRIN
Haris!? You did it!
HARIS
What?
MIKE
Create a new Abbreviation like
GTL,DTF ! You really did it and
it’s quite useful!
HARIS
Oh my God! I really did it! It
just came out! It wasn’t even on
purpose! I though ‘save the
brother’ but cut it down to STB
just because I wanted to save
time so we can safe Selver from
kissing a trann-MEGAN
Go now! They are about to kiss!
Haris screams ‘Selver’ and jumps of his seat and runs towards
him!
CUT
31 CLUB / AFTER MIDNIGHT
INT
FAR EAST MOVEMENT - LIKE A G6
We see all of them in the club and just having a blast! Selver
is trying to flirt in Will.I.Am-mode! Some of them are even
thinking he is Will.I.Am! Dahrin and Haris are showing off
with their ‘dance’! The Situation is doing his thing! Haris
and Selver too and Megan and Dahrin are starting to make out!
The rest of the group is very happy about that, especially
Haris!
122
CUT:
TITLE OVER BLACK
’10 DAYS LATER’
32 SITUATION’S RENT HOUSE / ~11 A.M
INT
We see all gathered around the dinnertable! They just finished
eating!
DAHRIN
Mike, you really cook great!
MIKE
Thanks, bro! But it tasted so
good, because I actually got
help!
They laugh!
MIKE
Haris, (Haris turns to Mike) what
about the one guy you left at
yours?
HARIS
Oh yes, Palo! I totally forgot
about him! Shit, he must be mad,
he must have been finished
watching , like 7 days ago!
DAHRIN
Not really!
Haris is confused
SELVER
We told him to wait a couple of
123
hours beetween the episodes so he
can enjoy it more!
HARIS
Nice! Now, just relaxing!
They go to the couch and sit down.
Selver takes out weed and offers them
SELVER
Relax?
MIKE
Put that away! We in Jersey are
relaxing different!
CUT TO
HOT TUB
EXT
They are all in the hot tub!
MIKE
Now we’re relaxing!
HARIS
Oh man! This feels so good! This
is fucking paradise! You go to
the beach at the day, go to the
clubs at night and beetween you
jump in the hot tub! Have sex
everyday with different chicks!
Eat, drink what you want! It’s
perfect!
MIKE
The perfect illusion!
The guys are surprised!
124
MIKE
Come on! Why do you think, are we
here only in summer and/or some
months before? Because all this
is temporary, bro! Chicks, beach,
tan, abs! All of them go and
leave! This is not how life is
supposed to be, man! Life is
supposed to be being in a big-ass
house with a hot wife and many
kids! With family living with you
and friends coming to your crib
and just have fun with each
other, playing poker and that
stuff! Those things last forever!
They understand what Mike is talking about!
Suddenly Haris sees a flyer at the ground and picks it up! He
reads it and leaves the hot tub!
MEGAN
Where are you going, Haris?
HARIS
You stay here and wait for Palo!
He will come around the next two
days! I have to go! I got to do
something ....that last forever!
Thanks Mike, you have been a
great host!
MIKE
No prob, bro! See you again!
HARIS
Bye, guys! Love ya! And watch
television in 2 months! I’ll tell
you which channel and other
details later!
125
ALL EXCEPT FOR HARIS
We will! Good luck!
CUT:
TITLE OVER BLACK
‘2 MONTHS LATER’
33 LIVING ROOM / EUREKA
INT
Palo, Dahrin, Selver and Megan are in the tv-room!
PALO
I’m glad I could still go to
Jersey Shore! I had a blast! And
Mike is just like he is in tv!
MEGAN
Yeah, he’s great...(Dahrin looks
at her)..I-I mean he got a great
personality and so much
experience!
DAHRIN
‘ey Selver, what did Haris’
message said?
SELVER
Here look for yourself!
Selver gives Dahrin the note and Dahrin changes the channel!
DAHRIN
..here! It start’s in 2 minutes!
SELVER
Man, the note is one month old! I
haven’t heard anything from him
since then!
126
In the meantime Palo took Haris’ message
PALO
Yeah! It says : “Don’t worry
about me! I’m totally fine” !
Even though he wrote ,like
“everything is ok”, I think
something is wron-MEGAN
--Shhh! It started!
turn to television
TV:
She’s young, sexy, smart and she got money! The only thing she
is missing is love!
MILEY CYRUS:
I JUST CAN’T FIND THE RIGHT GUY! WHY DON’T FIND LOVE ON TV?
TV:
There were over 50 guys but she cut down to 10 and then the
were two! Is it Vince or Haris “The Solution” ? Is she really
going to find love? Watch it here, on tonight “MILES TO LOVE”Finale! For all that missed the first 9 episode, here’s a onehour recap of what happenned until now:
-Miley gives nicknames and lets only Vince keeping his real
name
-The guys all getting along, except for Vince
-Fights beetween Haris and Vince
-Haris see his friends one-by-one going while Vince is staying
-Miley’s and Haris’ first solo-date
-Haris’ doing everything for her equaling to Vince’s bad
behaviour and him treating Miley bad
-Miley talking in the interview,how she can’t choose beetween
those two
-Haris and Vince talking about Miley and each other in their
interviews
TV:
And now the season finale!
Turn to the guys
We see the guys watching tv, highly interested!
Time skipps until near the end!
We see everybody crying
127
MEGAN
Come on, Miley! You got to pick
Haris! He does everything to you!
He makes you happy and treats you
good, while Vince is making you
sad and calling you bad names,
the whole time!
PALO
She got to pick Haris! The other
guy is no match for him!
SELVER
Shhh! She’s about to make a
decision!
turn to tv
We see Miley standing alone with one ‘heart’! (Getting the
‘heart’ from Miley means that you have won) Haris is infront
of her!
MILEY:
Haris! You really surprised me, the most! At the beginning I
thought, you were here just to promote yourself after that
Undertaker-issue and to make yourself a name as “The
Solution”! But you really are an amazing person! You always
make me laugh and feel good! You’re genuine, honest and downto-earth! I love you!
Haris is smiling and he is very sure that he’ll win! He says
that he loves her too!
MILEY (cont’d):
But-After Haris hears ‘but’ his face changes! He puts a very sad
face on, which when you just look at it, makes you feel sorry
for him!
MILEY:
--I’m not falling in love with you! I wish I would fall in
love with you but I am not! I’m sorry! Can I get a hug?
She leans forward for a hug but Haris goes a step backwards!
Haris now starts talking
HARIS:
No... Miley, I gave you everything! I gave you my heart! And
what did you? ... You just broke it! (Miley tries to
apologize) -Don’t you dare to apologize! I don’t need you
pity! It’s your loss! I just want you to know that I really
love you and that you have just broke my heart and my believe
in love!... Adios, mi amor!
128
Haris leaves! He goes back to his limousine and as he wanted
to enter, Vince came out of an other limousine! Haris wishes
him good luck and warns him if he doesn’t treat her good that
he will come and kick his ass! Vince accepts it and shakes his
hand and wishes him the best luck! Haris enters the limousine
and he’s covering his face with his hand! Some seconds pass in
silence! Then he starts talking
HARIS:
I-I gave my best! I gave everything I had and lost! This is
the worst feeling ever! I really love her, man! I really love
her, but she didn’t pick me! Why didn’t she pick me? Am I that
bad?
CITIZEN COPE FEAT SANTANA - SIDEWAYS
Maybe I didn’t love her so much! Hey, Driver! Could you please
turn the volume up! I love this song! ‘These feeling won’t go
away’! These fucking feelings just won’t go away! Oh man,
Haris! You lost again, you idiot!
turn to the guys
They all cry!
MEGAN
Oh my god! How could she not
choose Haris?
SELVER
Poor, poor Haris!
PALO
Damn this hurts! I just can feel
his pain
DAHRIN
Man, the show ended already one
month ago!
PALO
He was all alone for over month!
Hurry we gotta find him!
Palo stands up!
129
SELVER
Don’t be silly! How are you going
to find him?
MEGAN
According to his facebook page he
is in Mexico!
PALO
Good thinking, Megan! Let’s go!
We can sleep in the plane!
Everybody leaves the appartment!
Selver comes back to turn off the tv!
SELVER
Maybe we’re rich but I don’t
wanna pay tremendous numbers for
nothing-PALO
screaming
SELVER!!!
SELVER
COMING!
EVERYBODY
CLICHÉ!!! OH SHIT!
CUT
34 SOME PUB IN MEXICO / MIDDAY
EXT
We see the guys in Mexico looking for Haris! According to
their information he must be in the pub, in which they are in
the moment!
130
DAHRIN
He must be somewhere here!
PALO
I know how to find him! (starts
streching) Ok, let’s see if I can
still do it!
Millions of people are dying
because of not enough food, but
in the same time millions and
millions food supplies are
thrown-Haris knocks Palo out, but Palo didn’t lose consciousness!
We see a different Haris! With a long beard and a beer belly!
PALO
Weak punch! But still...found ya!
They all hug Haris
DAHRIN
Are you ok?
HARIS
Yeah I’m fine!
MEGAN
You look terrible!
HARIS
Says the girl with a white belt
and green shoes! Daaah!
Just joking, Megan! Wait a sec-Haris puts his fake beard and his fake beer belly down!
131
HARIS
Amazing these(beard and belly)
things, right?
SELVER
They looks so real!
PALO
Surreal!
HARIS
That doesn’t make any sense!
PALO
Sorry!
HARIS
Come, have a drink! There’s my
table!
He shows them his table and they sit down! The waitress comes
and takes the order and she is flirting with Haris heavily!
After she took the orders she went!
DAHRIN
uh la la , Haris! Who’s that
chick?
HARIS
She’s not a chick! She is nothing
like a girl you ever seen before- cut! cut! I’m not going to get
carried away! She’s very
special!
132
PALO
Uuuuu! Her name! Her name! Tell
us her name!
MEGAN
And everything else about her!
HARIS
Okayyy! Her name is Rubí! She’s
really special! She helped me a
lot after the thing with Miley!
You know she watched the show
from beginning and not only the
finale show with the recap!
DAHRIN
Hey, you just told us to watch
that!
HARIS
Would you really watched it every
weekend only once?
PALO
I think not! We couldn’t wait so
long for another episode!!
Especially me!
SELVER
Forget Palo! What about ‘Rubí’ ?
HARIS
What about her? She’s a bit older
and I really really like her! But
I don’t think I’m ready for a
relationship yet!
133
SELVER
Why?
They laugh except for Selver and Haris
SELVER
Why do you laugh?
HARIS
Didn’t you saw the show? My heart
was broken on national
television!
SELVER
So? I really can’t understand you
sometimes! Just because you just
were heart-broken doesn’t mean
that you should whine! You’re a
man, goddammit! I saw you penis,
so I am 80% sure!
Haris’ friends agree
HARIS
Thank God, that you think like
that, because I proposed to her
and she said yes!
Everybody is shocked!
PALO
You PROPOSED to her? You mean she
only played the waitress?
HARIS
Yep! We have been chattin’ via
Facebook about 3 years and she
supported me in “Miles To Love” !
134
And I said to her if I get
eliminated I will start going out
with her! So we have been dating
in real life for 1 month now!
MEGAN
You love her?
HARIS
More than anything other on the
world!
MEGAN
So it was the best thing that
could happen to you!
HARIS
Yes!
SELVER
What?
MEGAN
Him being eliminated! He did
really everything for that girl
and she still choosed the other
guy! It’s just like once a wise
man said “Because I dissapointed
worser than in my wildest
nightmares, I could realise the
situation” !
HARIS
Well said, Megan! Dave Chappelle
, right?
MEGAN
Yes!
135
DAHRIN
Let’s go home!
HARIS
Rubí, come let’s go!
PALO
You knew everything what will
happen today, right?
HARIS
You’re just too predictable and
uncreative! (To the group) Here’s
my fiance, Rubí!
RUBÍ
Nice too meet you! Haris told me
a lot about you!
SELVER
Oh my good! You have no accent!
RUBÍ
My mom is from Mexico! I was here
just visiting her! I know, I
wished I had an accent!
They laugh!
PALO
(laughs) Nice one , Rubí!
RUBÍ
Go away,
engaged!
kidding!
fun with
everynizer! I am
(Palo is confused) Just
Oh, I’ll have a lot of
you guys!
136
They are going and we hear Haris and Palo having a
conversation while they are leaving
PALO
How long has it been since your
last CTS?
HARIS
Two hours! Men, CTS in Mexico is
like suicide! All that accent and
that shit! Men, I couldn’t see
the first 3 days!
PALO
(laughs)....lol
CUT:
TITLE OVER BLACK
’10 DAYS LATER’
35 LOFT / EUREKA
INT
They are sitting in the living room!
HARIS
Can you believe that I only spent
20 dollars while ‘enjoying’
Mexico for 1 month
DAHRIN
Really?
HARIS
Really!
137
RUBÍ
And 19 dollars that he spended
was because he buyed me the most
expensive thing in Mexico!
SELVER
Ooohh!
RUBÍ
(laughs) You really believe
everything, Selver ! I like you!
But I swear to God if I find you
sniffling my shoes or panties I’m
going to kick your ass
SELVER
Fair enough!
They laugh!
Haris kisses Rubí!
HARIS
I love you! It’s really been a
great year! And I did everything
expect one thing on my list! But
you know what? Screw it! I found
that what I was looking for!
RUBÍ
He means my boobs!
HARIS
They look phenomenal!
PALO
Well, we lost pretty much money!
About one halve of our money but
still I feel this was the best
year ever!
Haris’ phone rings!
138
HARIS
The Solution here? Yes! Right!
Okay! Okay! Okay! Oh, thank you
very much! You’re the best!
He hangs up!
HARIS
It was Alen, my cousing who’s in
the same time my manager! He said
I got the role for Godfather IV!!
They are all happy and excited! They congratulate him! Haris
takes Rubí and goes to his room!
TITLE OVER BLACK:
30 MINUTES LATER
Haris and Rubí came back!
PALO
Really? 30 minutes?
RUBÍ
Yeah! 3 quickys!
DAHRIN
(to Megan) when are we going to
have sex?
MEGAN
Don’t push me in or i’ll push you
away!
HARIS
still excited
You know how I said this was a
great year? I lied! I just said
it so I wouldn’t be dissapointed!
No hard feelings, babe(Rubí), but
I really needed to do the list!
139
RUBÍ
sarcasm
Oh my! Am I blushing?
HARIS
They told me to go tomorrow! I’m
so happy!
Everybody is happy and the screen is slowly darkening until
it’s fully darkened!
CUT
TITLE OVER BLACK:
1 YEAR LATER
We see Haris dressed like a Mafiosi going through an empty
street! He is shoot severly times! He stops at one point and
says: “After all it’s god’s world and we’re just visitors”!
After that sentence he falls to the ground and over the screen
appears with big white letters ‘FIN’ !
We find out that, that was the TV they were watching! Haris
turns off the TV! We see Haris on the couch with his hand on
Rubi’s shoulder and the rest of the guys next to them, all
under one sheet!
HARIS
Too bad it was a flop! They
really shouldn’t have made a
fourth part!
It’s raining outside!
RUBÍ
What the fuck? You wanted to do
this so badly and you even
partially financed the movie!
HARIS
Just saying!
140
RUBÍ
If you weren’t so rich , I would
have already been gone!
DAHRIN,PALO,MEGAN,SELVER
We too!
HARIS
You’re so funny! You know exactly
that I would kill you! Joking
aside, I think I can’t be
happier! As bad as it sounds even
if an atomic bomb blowed here up
or someone close to me died, I
would still smile, that’s how
happy I am! Nothing can break my
happy-beeing!
The door is ringing!
HARIS
I’ll go!
Haris stands up and goes to door! He opens the door and it’s a
totally wet and crying Miley! Haris can’t believe it!
HARIS
Damn....!
MILEY
I made a mistake!
THE END
by Haris Rasljanin
141