Aphrodite Tokens
Billie Jean Salas
For my mother, Janice, who always gave me encouragement and paper.
For my children; Jenica, Stephanie, Patricia, Anthony, and Cassandra, for giving me wings to fly, and
the strength to use them.
For My husband, Dom, for encouraging my dreams, and helping me vanquish my nightmares.
For my sisters in heart and poetry; Jacki, Catressa, Venessa, Deena, Criss, and Savina, you gals made
me smile when I thought smiles could not be found.
For my friends; Brian, Wes, Cyndi, and J, who always knew “I could”, even when I thought “I
couldn’t”.
“ Mo shra le mo shrasa mise agus liomsa”.
Foreword:
in the darkest hours of night,
in the sweetest rays of heaven’s sunrise,
in the moments of silence in my soul
where naught could be heard but my heartbeat,
you were always there for me...
words
Table of Contents
Woman
Arise The Phoenix
Falling Is Like This
Day In The Necropolis
Fly
Heaven At Last
Steam, Memories, And Tears
Look Into My Eyes
Lover's Dawn
The Rose And The Daisy
The Tear
Meditating At The Beach
Breathing
My Passion
Neverending… A Fairy Story
Toenails
In Dreams
Oh Me... Oh My
Gecko On The Coffee Shop Wall
The Tear, The Sigh, The Kiss, The Goodbye
Newborn Beauty
Sunrays
But For You
And I have... So I will
Seasons
Yearning For Home
Old Shoes
Wishes
Four Leaf Clover
Couldn’t Help But Notice…
Baby Dreams
You Are…
The Moth, The Whisper, The Butterfly
The Old Oak… Me
The Tapestry
And I Smile…
How Many
Merely
Dream Weaver
Did You
The Monster
I Can’t Think Of Anything But You
Waking Dreams
Shadow Puppets
Of Beauty And Rage
In This Space
Wait
Steady Dim
Infatuation
Cycle
Take Me
Me
Would You
Embrace
Sounds
I Love You
Ponder
Chemo
Lady Of The Mist
The Beauty Of Loneliness
Close Enough To Touch
Did You Feel It?
Friend
Sterile White
May I
From A Distance
Identity
I Sigh
Paper Doll
Waiting
Steam
Lost Brevity
Beckons
Sparks: A Moment Captured
Exhaled
That Dance
Closets
Acquired (sequel to Wait)
I Hug My Pillow
Concerto
I Talked To You Today
Lullaby
Perceptions
Hope Chest
A Life
Alchemist
Patriots
Tourniquet
Tattered No More
Fly Little One
Bliss
In Your Eyes
Healed
Insidious Word
Calliope
Memory
Desert Blooming
Perfectly Cloudless
Crimson Ribbon
Wings
Seeds
Dandelion Kisses
Love Me Not’s
Echoes
Leaves
Eve Revisited
Counting Reasons
Heaven's Canopy
The Call
Memories In Stone
Smoke In My Eyes
Saint Sane
Harlequin Smile
A Whisper
If... So Many Years Ago
Hurt
Memories Of Your Touch
I Saw You There
Not All Prisons
Arbor Dance
Milemarkers... An Anniversary
Jade Defiance
Tear Dancer
Breathless
Blue Jean Ballerina
Definition
‘Acious
Eternally
Squaw
Goodbye To...
Anniversary
Melody
It's A Beautiful Night Outside
Metamorphosis
Mollusks
Stay
A Breeze Called Could Have Been
Lamented
Solitary Light
Righteous Reflections
Journey Long
Night Kiss
The Cat, The Dog, The Mouse
Parchment
Worth
Savory
Corn Silk
Sonora
Regret
Unfolded
Inner Child
Chambers
Drop Of Envy
Unbeckoned
Sun Burnt
Dreamer’s Grace
How
Dead Leaf
Loss
Mourning Unspoken
Bittersweet Homages
Flickering
The Supplication Of February And May
Beautiful
She Cries
Devouring Doubt
Sonvanger Memories
Acoustic Change
Demi
Extraordinary Simple
I Will
May I Write For You?
An Era 1945-1975
Child Mine
Jericho Falling
Requiem
Variegated
Aphrodite Tokens
Woman
It's the red glow on my lips
My varnished fingertips
The way that I paint my face
The daring look in my eyes
The soft silk of my thighs
My inner beauty and grace
It's in the way that I smile
My sophisticated style
In all things I do, it shows
The soft swell of my breast
The stern beat in my chest
The life in my belly that grows
It's conceited you say
Of how my hips sway
As I walk about or dance
I don't care for your snipe
I am confidence ripe
I possess it by choice, not by chance
Arise The Phoenix
Ensnared by entreating erosion's decay
I loved
Oh, I loved,
Yearnings crumbling away,
I wandered, I waded abandon and lust
I bust
Oh, I bust,
Lost my faith and my trust,
I faltered, I failed in a moment so brief
My grief
Oh, deep grief
No respite, no relief,
I teetered, I tripped, yet at sunset's approach
I rose
Oh, I rose,
No more hate, no reproach,
Let feelings depart as my sigh and my eye
We cry
Oh, sweet cry,
I won't break, I won't die,
From ashes I'll wake, foe to friend I will mend
A friend,
Oh, a friend...
Clear my morrows impend...
Falling Is Like This
Like leaves slowly circling in warm summer seas,
A gosling's soft feathers asleep in the breeze,
Young love's sweet and tender first feathery kiss,
I wonder in silence... is falling like this?
As tender and soft as a baby's pink skin,
Or wild and exotic like dancing in sin,
As caressing mother's bewildering bliss,
I wonder astounded... is falling like this?
Like having your heart reading love in his eyes,
Forgetting old hatreds, forgoing despise,
Like seeing again a lost love you miss,
I wonder, I ponder... is falling like this?
*
When he sleeps...
I trace in my mind every line of his face,
His arms are my castle, inside is my place,
When we make love...
I whisper... I love you inside every kiss,
I know and I smile, because falling's like this...
Day In The Necropolis
Here I stand in necropolis dreary
Where tombs are towers
And souls are citizens,
And I wander around reading
Stories and carved biographies
On stones of marble grey.
Down the hill to the suburbs
Looking at the grey picket fences
Marking time and tale
Of people old, of babies born
Bare of life and angel winged
Tiny souls with tiny tributes.
I hear the voices of the dead
Their cries of loneliness, sadness,
Some lay here forgotten by all
Where others wish to be
Their slit wrists and bleeding tales
Seeking silence and peace.
As I start to leave I see
The city of the dead stretching before me
Like a painting by Bougeraeu.
I see it, smell it, I hear a quote of Poe
And wonder... will I move here soon?
If I do, at least I will know my neighbors.
Fly
Fly away little blackbird of grief
Take my pain rolled asleep in a leaf
And bring back to my soul peace and love
Stolen down from cold heavens above.
Fly away little redbird of wrath
Lose my anguish along on your path
Grant me harmony fore you depart
And serenity pour in my heart.
Fly away little bluebird of blues
Rip away my malignant old bruise
Take away sorrows painting my life
Let sweet joys shine through pain and through strife.
Fly away little greybird of want
Take all jealousy envy and taunt
Seeds of confidence sow over me
Grains of beauty inside me to see.
Fly back home little whitebird of peace
Gleaning smiles on your way without cease
Fly back into my heart, in my mind
Bless me love, joy and kindness entwined.
Heaven At Last
I lie by your side, our nest of love,
Sunlight creeping slowly across your face
Showing lines and creases
From years of life,
I listen to your breaths
Slow, steady,
Deep in dreams,
Suddenly... a smile plays across your lips.
I watch as you slowly wake up,
One eye opens,
Then the other,
You see me staring at you absorbing your features
And the smile turns shy
Dancing on your mouth,
Alluring and sweet
Like wild flowers.
We are trapped in that moment of silence,
Staring into each other
Into eyes and souls
Into hearts
Beyond heaven's gates.
I fear to move,
To break this spell
To end this pure magic I have dreamed of
For such long time,
To have you
To have love
To have... heaven at last.
Steam, Memories, and Tears
I stand in the shower
Steam billowing
Around me
Lathering up
And rinsing off
When... I smell it...
The soap
Smells of you
Smells of your skin
Your flesh
As we cuddled
After lovemaking.
Soap,
Cigarette smoke,
Cologne,
Sweat,
And the scent of our lust
All lingering
On your skin.
Now I am lost
In that memory
In that scent
And the tears flow
Down my face
To mingle with the hot water
And the steam
As they slide down the drain
Trying to find
Their way to you.
Will I ever hold you again?
Will I ever kiss you again?
Will I ever smell your scent again?
I rest my head
On the cold tiles wall
In the shower
As I sob
Lost in
Steam...
Memories...
And tears...
Look Into My Eyes
Look into my eyes
The eyes of a discarded angel
Green and jaded and jagged
Like my soul.
Look into my heart
Tainted and marred by tragedy
People meant to care
Branding my soul.
Look into my life
Youth lost forever
Taken and fed to
The beasts under my bed.
Look into my fate
Crawling and fighting
For my life
The death verdict over my head.
Look into my essence
All I got brutality and hatred
All I gave all I never got tenderness
Drained and desiccated.
Look into me
See who I could have been
The mother lover sister friend
Look into the eyes of a lost soul.
Lover's Dawn
Sitting on the dew soaked grass
I see the dawn, I feel the dawn
Rising and starting a new day
Re-creating time and its eternal essence,
I see the pink and orange sky
Caressing the softest clouds
As a new mother holding and caressing
Her newborn child, tender, precious,
I see the sun cresting over the ridge
Peeking timidly at the newly found day
As a child would peek at Christmas gifts
Under the sparkling lights of the tree,
I see the sunlight in silver and gold
Soft upon the leaves of the trees
Like a lover's kiss before parting
Its touch soft, gentle,
I see dawn now for the first time,
With an open heart, a lover's smile,
And sensations deeper than ever tell me
This is my dawn, my life, my new day...
The Rose And The Daisy
In a small country garden
Where lilac vine grows
There blooms in full beauty
A solitaire rose.
Its stem tough and sturdy
Its thorns sharp at point
Its petals bear fragrance
Which angels anoint.
It blooms bare of knowledge
Of beauty in hold
It grows never knowing
That roses grow old.
Alone in the garden
Through life and through years
The grace of its flower
Met heaven's dew tears.
Across, at the road's side
In sand and in dirt
A daisy finds shelter
From sadness and hurt.
No shade for her petal
And dry is the dust
But strong is her fiber
And life is her lust.
In words she reads splendor
And love in the prose
She stares in sheer wonder
And... falls for the rose.
The passionate beauty
Of word and of soul
The landscape of dreaming
Her sanity stole.
One day he leans closer
And asks her... "Come near..."
She whispers... "I'm rooted
For always I fear..."
His heart beating wildly
The rose tears his bloom
A petal he tosses...
A smile for her gloom.
She crawls and she stretches
"Oh, may I request?..."
She picks up the petal
And cuddles to breast.
A game... were they playing?
One petal each day,
Till one summer's evening...
Just inches away.
"Your bloom," she says, "bare is..."
"I shed them for you..."
"I wish I was worthy..."
"Oh, yes, sweetest dew..."
He said "I lost vision
Of beauty in life
You showed me the courage
In bitterest strife,"
He said "Just to touch you,
Your simple bouquet...
I lured you with petals
With prose... wish you'll stay..."
His naked stem shivered,
Her petals she shed...
Asleep in the moonlight
They share flowers' bed...
The Tear
I caught a tear today
Small liquid mirror
Of my soul
I handed it to you
You looked into it
Said it was shallow
Then wiped it off your hand
It had been laden with my dreams
Dreams of us together
Dreams of a life with you
A life filled with love
So easy to destroy that world
So easy to wipe it away
Love comes easy for you
Sadly it never has for me
I want to crawl in that tear
And drown...
Meditating at The Beach
Meditating at the beach
People buzzing by
Looking at me
Strangely
For seeking
My inner peace
While anguish
Eats their souls
And
Lifeless holes
Masquerade as eyes.
Meditating at the beach
The bugs biting
Nipping
Stinging
The sun burning my fair skin
Making it tender
Like my heart
I swat a mosquito
Then seek my Chi
Mantra
Of me.
Meditating at the beach
Tourists flocking
To get their tans
In a bottle
Flirting
Looking for their case
Of the clap
No applause here
Scanning the sand
For tanned sacks of love
Or maybe just instant
Pheromones
Easy to find
As instant grits
In this backward southern town.
Meditating at the beach
Dogs barking
Jets flying overhead
People arguing
Gulls screaming
Kids crying
Music blaring its dull bass
Yet
I find my peace
In this chaos
While I
Meditate at the beach.
Breathing
I inhale...
Sharp and exhausting pains
Burning through to the center
Of my soul
I exhale...
And the weight increases
Heavier then his lingering touch
On my skin
Breathing, being, living
So painful
That each tear burns my skin
Maybe I should stop...
And so will the pain
My Passion
You were always there
With me
Even before we met
Much before.
You were the shadow on the wall of my heart
Rays of sun burning holes through you
The breeze that blew softly on my skin
Tantalizing and tickling
Dreams dancing in my head
As slumber suffocated me
You were the wish
Over freshly blown birthday candles
The submission while
On my knees
The hope I clung to
When dispirited
Like a vine clings to walls and lattice.
You were the pain in my belly
Teasing thoughts
Roaming freely in my mind
The longing in my loins
The short breaths while
My fingers roamed and explored
The desire
The explosion of lust
In my eyes
While I imagined you
Making love to me
The one that gave
Softness to my breasts and
Hardness to my nipples
Pink and pert
You were the raspy whisper in my lung
Waiting to escape with a moan
With waves of passion washing over me
My deep sigh... scream...
You were... are... always will be...
My passion...
Neverending... A Fairy Story
(for my children)
Fairy small upon my hand
Little magic grain of sand
Smaller than a drop of blood
Softer than a sleeping bud,
Fairy sweet inside my eye
Born inside a baby's sigh
Neverending glory's tale
Neverending glimmer's trail,
Fairy coveting my dream
Sowing magic in the stream
Sparkling silver bead at play
Ever through my night and day...
*
Now, my grownup's tired hand
Holds just tiny specks of sand
Gone is innocence of fae
Left behind with childhood's play
Now, with sweat inside my eyes
Comes the time your magic dies
Ends the timeless glory tale
Dark's the glimmer long the trail,
Now through night, and now through day
No more frantic fairy play,
Dried up are the magic streams
Dried up like my childhood's dreams...
*
Growing, aging, losing wonder
Grows the mind and dreams fall under,
Grinds the trouble, ends your day,
Lost are wonders of the fae.
Loving, yearning, with no warning
Breaks the night and wakes the morning,
Baby's laughter lights the day
Wishing for that fabled fae.
Dreams of magic... blinking, fleeting,
Butterflies' long wings start beating
In my sudden sunny day
I believe... I've seen you... fae...
Toenails
I cannot hold my head up
The weight of my heart
Drags it down
Lower and lower
Till all I can see
Is my feet
Painted toenails
Soaking in the salt of tears
Heartache ridden pedicure
From pain and anger
And bitterness
Trying hard to look up
To see the sky
To see the sun
To see joy
Failing
Looking at my toes
Tear soaked
Red painted white cherubs
Wondering...
How long till I see the sun again
In Dreams
In my dreams you hold my hand
And walk with me as we travel on this path
Of love and life... and death
You were my friend and comrade through all
Through the arrows and stones cast in life
Through the nightmares that raped my reality
Not always friends, yet...
You always nurtured my body, mind, and soul
Then lent me what wisdom you possessed
More then just my mother, you were my heart
Taught me that life can be pitiful and hard
But it also can be beautiful and loving
Yours was the greatest gift I have ever received
The breath in my lungs, blood through my veins
The ability to love and hate... and my daughters’ strong will
Passed on by you... going through me... to them at last
Three generations of women lost, but not weak
You are my alpha and omega... my Mecca
In your moment of weakness and need I will pray
With all my of heart, soul, and spirit
That illness will sunder you not in the slightest
I will place tender kisses on your cheek and hold your hand
As you did for me when I was a sick child
Now let me feed back to your soul all you have imparted to me
Blessed be my mother... friend... heart
Find your strength or take mine
And continue... in dreams
Oh Me... Oh My
Cool jazz music
Hot summer breeze
Both blowing light...
Tropical Florida night
Patio downtown
Tequila jazz
Smooth sunrise...
Things the tourists
Don't see or hear...
"Oh me... Oh my"
"Do I feel high"
Stress floats away
On musical notes
With the scents...
Of candle wax
And cigarette smoke
Perfume, and flowers...
Friday panhandle night
Clarinet...
Bass...
Drumbeat too...
Jazz on the patio
Moonlight in your eyes
Oh me... Oh my
Gecko On The Coffee shop Wall
Gecko on the wall at the coffee shop
Possibly seeking a caffeine fix
Java mocha latte blend
For my smooth skinned friend
Perhaps he is here to listen
To the humans' idle chatter
Rolling his eyes over
Our pointless prattle and existence
Or seeking the cool breeze
Of electric fans and tropical wind
Feeling it on his speckled flesh
As he slides along the patio wall
Perhaps it's the jazz music
That is drawing him near
He longs to dance rhythmically
Like the humans he loathes
Tonight sitting here relaxing
Spending time with my daughter
And my cup, and pen... wishing
I could be the gecko on the coffee shop wall
The Tear, The Sigh, The Kiss, The Goodbye
A tear, a stream, a river, a sea
A tear left my eye
A stream I did cry
The river will be
At home in the sea
A sigh, a breeze, a gust, a windblown sky
I sighed at your sight
My breezy soft plight
Till heart's gust does die
In your windblown sky
A kiss, a touch, a caress, a grasp
My kiss to your mouth
Your touch to my south
Caress though be tender
My grasp it did render.
My hello, my love, my cry, my goodbye
My hello though be brief
Is my love's soft belief
'Cause the tears I did cry
Were a tender goodbye
*
A tear, a stream, a river, a sea
Floats and drifts your love on its way back to me...
A sigh, a breeze, a gust, a windblown sky
My heart's tempest blows in the tear that I cry...
A kiss, a touch, a caress, a grasp
I am lost in your lovemaking's beautiful gasp...
My hello, my love, my cry, my goodbye
Though be parting my love... return I shall try...
Newborn Beauty
The blinding pain
The ripping and tearing
Of my flesh
The blood and tears
Then...
The softest skin I have ever seen
The tender eyes
The imploring look
The silky hair
Such beauty
Tender and amazing beauty
Of my newborn child
Sunrays
Sitting alone on the floor
In the house that was once my childhood
Watching sunrays chase the dust across the tiles
Imagining I live here again
Happily
My day bright
Unlike then
Forced to grow
Forced to learn
Forced to age beyond my age
Instead of anger, fear, hurt, pain
I run and play and dance and sing
As children do
As children should
As I never did
So here I sit on the floor
Watching shadows devour the sunrays
But For You
The willow whispers to the wind
When will you sing again?... then grinned
The night's been long, the day's been dry,
The whispers tender... willows cry.
The sea demands the sloping shore...
Tell me sweet secrets?... gentle roar
My heart's been soaked, my soul's been wet,
The song is soft... you'll own my debt.
The tear regards into the eye...
When shall I be released?... a sigh
My life is short, my longing deep,
The torture sharp... and humans weep.
*
The willow whispers, deep its pain
The sea demands, and then again,
The tear regards... I hear a cry...
But for your touch my heart would die.
And I have... So I will
Let me go to my bed
With you on my mind
Make love to you
In my dreams
And wish someday
To wake up in your arms...
And I have,
So I will
Let me look into
The depth of your eyes
Deeper than any ocean
Let me hear
Your velvety words
Wrapped in your
Baritone whisper
And I have,
So I will
Let me feel
Your hungry caress
Devouring my lust
Through the very pores
Of my skin
Enveloped within
The rough texture
Of your touch
And I have,
So I will
Let me taste desire
In your eager kiss
Your tongue invading
My complacent mouth
Stealing my breaths
In sighs and gasps
And I have,
So I will
Let me always remember
Your searing passion
As you conquer my body
Repeatedly
And light in me
The same
Searing passions
And I have,
So I will
Let me relish the afterglow
Of making love to you
With you
For you
Because of you
Love...
And I have,
So I will
Seasons
Kiss me in the spring my love
When life is fresh and new
Kiss me in the spring my love
As flowers kiss the dew,
Kiss me tender, young, and fresh
Like breeze through silken mesh,
Kiss me in the spring my love
For winter comes too soon.
*
Kiss me in the summer love
And light my tender spots
Kiss me in the summer love
When bloom forget-me-not's,
Kiss me passion's searing song
Throughout all summer long,
Kiss me in the summer love
For winter's getting close.
*
Kiss me in the fall my love
And gently mind my age
Kiss me in the fall my love
And let us turn this page,
Kiss me smiling softly dear
Remember what a the year,
Kiss me in the fall my love
For winter's on the creep.
*
Kiss me in the winter love
As passion slowly dies
Kiss me in the winter love
Collect my last my sighs,
Kiss me soft upon my lips
No passion longer drips,
Kiss me in the winter love
Before my life departs.
Yearning for home
I inhale and smell salt
Instead of the dusty earth of home
I hear gulls instead of burrow owls
And the sounds of the sea in lieu of coyote calls
I look out my window and yearn
For the red earth of the desert I love
I see people in mariner wear instead of sunhats
And voices carrying accents strange to me
I close my eyes and think of my adobe
Far away and dry like my heart is now
Humid air rising from the sea envelopes me
And I miss the dry heat of my birthplace
Displaced and lost in this wet breeze
I need my mountains
To comfort my soul and make me feel whole
I need my home again
I look at my left hand and feel the weight
Of the wedding ring which brought me here
And for a few moments I can love the sea and the place
For his duty dragged us abroad
Patriotic souls and the price we pay
Military families uprooted and lost to all they knew
Heritage and home are senses gone
Lost to us in this foreign place... not home
Old Shoes
Here I sit staring up at the midnight sky
Counting stars twinkling brightly
As many of them as tears are in my eyes.
You lost my heart,
I gave it to you
You promised to take good care of it
You lost it or so you claimed.
Yet you just stomped on it
Threw it away like old shoes
All worn out and too familiar
Maybe out of fashion
Wanting something new
More modern
Trendy.
My heart and love
Was all I had to give
Comfortable
Familiar
Reliable
Like old shoes.
So here I sit...
Counting stars as tears.
Wishes
(For Dominic)
Dropped a coin into the well
Made my wishes
One, two, three
Dropped a coin into the well
All I wished
Was you to me.
Wishes granted, heart's desire
Pass the hours
Weeks and years
Wishes granted, heart's desire
Pass the heartaches
Wipe some tears.
Asked for lover, mate, and friend
Got all three
You are to me
Asked for lover, mate, and friend
Nearly lost
All three
Mend my fences fallen, bent...
Asked of you
My love return
Mend my fences fallen, bent...
Took my hand...
Heart's fires burn.
*
Dropped a coin into the well
Wishes granted, heart's desire
Asked for lover, mate, and friend
Mend my fences fallen, bent...
Four Leaf Clover
She sat in the field
Counting...
One... two... three...
Darn!
Again...
One... two... three...
Darn!
So on, and so on,
Days turned to weeks,
Weeks turned to years,
Years to lifetimes...
Or so it seemed.
Finally, weary,
She gave up, and walked away
From the now empty clover field.
Walking slowly to her shallow shell
She tripped...
Fell...
Cried...
Brushed herself off
And when she was about to stand up
She saw it at last...
It... or him?
Inside a message bottle
Laden with words of honey...
Thick with an accent...
His touch full of tenderness...
The four leaved clover of her love.
Couldn't Help But Notice...
I am sorry, I couldn't help but notice...
That you are beautiful...
That you walk like a ballerina on water
In her wildest dreams
You make still life look like fast forward
You make highlights look like old news
You make magic feel real...
And reality feel magic
That you tear apart the seam of social fabric before
People see that the embroidered things aren't always as they...
Seem
You make God look like a priest
And mere men look like mice
You make sacrifices look like gifts
And pain feel like smiles
You are not God's gift to mankind...
You are mankind's offering to God
You make perfect look like it needs...
Just a little more practice
You are brilliant... like light
You are somber... like night
And you are humbled
So I am sorry...
But I could not help but notice...
Everything you don't
Baby Dreams
Small, sweet baby fast asleep
Dreaming heaven's light to keep
Tender bud of rose unbloomed
Tuft of wildest hair ungroomed.
Dozing softly in her bed
Dreams of fairies in her head
Tired now from daylong play
Guised in dream to sweetest fay.
Tender, graceful child, my dear
Close your eyes, shed not a tear
Take my hand to lead you on
Dreamland's landscapes with a song.
Lullaby of rainbow's lands
Lullaby of mother's hands
Lullabies I'll sing to you
As I rock you all night through...
*
My baby sleep...
Deep in your dreams
The life is pink
With fairy scenes,
Here take my kiss
Into your heart
Now close your eyes
Let sweet dreams start,
Be gently led
By mother's kiss,
And baby dreams
My heart does miss...
You Are...
You are the colors in my rainbow
The lining on all of my clouds
The reason birds take to air
You are the secret wishes
Scribbled in my adolescent diary
You are the sigh exhaled
After all of my kisses
Passionate and sweet
You are...
The awakening in my loins
Early in the morning
Late at night
In the afternoon
All the time
The excitement before opening gifts
The exhilarated feeling in my stomach
Just before your hand touches my bare flesh
You are...
The warm that eases my cold
The light that invades my dark
The sweet devouring my sour
The first thought on my mind
In the morning
The last thing on my mind
At night
My heart's desire
My soul's contentment
My everything
You are...
The Moth, The Whisper, The Butterfly
A tiny moth, soul torn and grey
Wishes for wings of springtime's fay,
Wishes for sweetest Monarch dreams
And butterfly's long colored seams.
Her body sullen, laundered, drained,
Away in heart old hopes detained,
Sad eyes watch dancing in the skies
The dainty Monarch butterflies.
Young hearts of laughter and of prose
Of scented finest freshest rose
Of colors brighter than the sky
Designed inside God's watchful eye.
She cries her rivers in the dust
Tears slowly seeping through her crust
Deep silver pools caress her feet
She drowns, the salt... her sweet retreat.
Suddenly chimes... a whisper near...
Why do you cry sweet fragile dear?
Look there... inside, the strength of you,
Look... shed no more these sad eyes dew.
He took her hand... Come to the stream...
And there within she found a dream
Forgotten... tinted with his kiss
His soft caress and promised bliss.
They danced away to yonder field,
Steps plowing through the flowers shield,
Absorbing pollen's fire scents
In hearts... desire's sinking dents.
Loud laughter filled her heart with spring
Designs invading fringe of wing
And as they chased away the day
They left for rainbow's grounds to play.
The reds, the greens, the golds and blues,
He rolled her gently in their hues
Till beauty such as none has seen
Has dressed her wings with magic sheen.
Now dreams, now laughter, fragrance bold
Now Monarch wings blue green and gold,
Now rosebud scents blue lilacs glean,
The butterfly blooms under skin.
Back to her streams of sullen tears
And rivers shed throughout the years,
Reflections play with soft allure
A moth no more, just beauty... pure...
Dear whisper, asks she, how and why?
All I deserved and wished was... die,
You kissed my lips, my heart to heal,
You kissed my eyes, my love to steal.
My friend, he answered, sweetest friend,
I could not let a beauty end
Such as in you... you could not see
Without my kiss... take it... take me...
The Old Oak... Me
Late November Florida night
Standing outside my house
Trying not to smoke a cigarette
Watching the cool raindrops
Bounce off the grass
I look up and down the block
Here on the base everything is so...
Uniformal?
All houses the same....
All the people the same...
All... but me.
I don't fit in here
With the military wives
With my open mindedness and pierced tongue
With my bold shirts speaking my mind
Saying things like...
Not the brightest crayon in the box are you?
No PTA, soccer, or cheer mom bumper stickers on my car.
I walk to the back of my car...
Nope!
Mine say things like
Animals are friends, not food...
Protected by witchcraft...
Get any closer and I will flick a booger on your windshield...
No... My kid is honor roll at blah blah blah school... sticker
I am...
Non-uniformal.
I walk around my yard
Like every other yard on the block
I stop and look at the old oak tree in the front
Like every other oak tree on the block
But then something catches my eye...
Rope marks on its lower limb
Where a child's swing once hung,
Scratch marks where some dog used to scratch his nails,
As I walk around it I see an old squirrel feeder nailed to one side
No corncob there now
I see a heart carved into the bark
SL loves KL
Then further down....
SL, KL, and JL forever family
Wonder if they still are.
I stand back and look at this old oak
I admire it
It is different
It has a history
It has life and spunk
Unlike the other oaks.
As I walk back to my door going in for the night
I look back at that old oak tree and realize...
That is me.
The Tapestry
Take your dreams
Dance upon them
Small pirouettes
Made of kisses
And forget-me-nots
Take your wishes
Float on them
Like gossamer wings
Gosling soft
Like your smile
Take your hopes
Drift on them
To fantasy lands
Where dreams come true
Thimble kisses galore
Take your pain
Pass it down
To giants in heart
That wish to carry
All of your burdens away
Take your sadness
Drown it in tears of joy
Shed by your triumphs
By family's joys
By angels standing guard
Take all these things
Dreams, wishes, hopes
Pains, sadness
Weave you a tapestry of life
Then live it... with fervor
And I Smile...
Here I sit
Listening to his accent
Strong and sweet
Kind of cute
We are friends
Who met through words
Written and scribbled
In a cyber poetry cafe
Sharing stories of love
Of life
Anecdotes
And I smile...
A call
And the words on the screen
Have a new life
They have character
And his characters also
Have a new life
I hear his prose
In his voice now
Instead of the one
In my mind
And I smile...
I look forward to talking
To reading and sharing
To keeping this link we have made
Poets and friends
He was there when I needed him
As I was when he wanted me
A bond was made
And sealed
We will always be close
No matter the distance
No matter passing time
This thought dances through my mind
And I smile...
How Many
How many tomorrows have come and gone
Since Strawberry Shortcake bed sheets?
Since a bowl of cereal after school?
Since bedtime stories being read
Just one more time?
How many clocks have struck noon
Since crossing the street was scary?
Since monsters lived under my bed?
Since my friend Jellybean
Whom only I could see?
How many shooting stars have I wished on
Since pink lip gloss could make you beautiful?
Since tulle dance outfits with matching shoes?
Since wearing a training bra made you
A grown-up?
How many goodnights have been whispered
Since boo-boo's had to be kissed?
Since death was unimaginable?
Since riding a bike was
Nearly impossible?
How many times have I cried
Since secrets were never repeated?
Since dreams could really come true?
Since you could still live
Happily ever after?
When do we stop believing?
When does it all disappear?
How many tomorrows have to come and go?
Well it feels like only yesterday.
Merely
Did you think I did not notice you?
I tripped over your existence
Then fell in awe with it, with you
Did you think I did not care for you?
I would rip beating heart from chest
Hand it over to you, like an offering to a deity
I did not notice or care for you
I merely do exist for you
Dream Weaver
Dream weaver come and kiss my brow
And hold my hand down drifting stream
Then take me depths of willow's bough
And rock my soul to sleep... to dream.
Accept my wishes tender, sweet
And love my soul, and bless my heart,
Dear Sandman, slumber's short deceit
Paint upon me, until we part.
Pray sprinkle dreams-filled sand my eyes
Fierce dragons, knights, magicians, fays,
Whisper me peaceful lullabies
Forever haunting... nights and days.
Please kiss them tender, my pinked lips
Caressing while drifting away,
Impart me dreams' sharp fingertips
Long nails to scratch the cares of day.
Lose me depths slumberland's old lust
Till morning sun relieves the night,
Then... ever gently brush your dust
And grant me day's conscious sight.
Did You
Did you see me
When I saw you?
Did you see me peering through my soul
Watching you with intent
As a stalker watches their victim
As a hunter watches their prey?
Did you feel me
Wishing so intensely for your breath?
To steal it from your lungs
With a powerful vise locked to your lips
Sucking out your essence
And then conceal it inside my mortal cocoon.
Did you sense me
As I brushed past you in life?
Sneaking stealthily by
Like a hired assassin
Attempting to capture you
Before you capture me.
Do you love me
As I love you now and always will?
Like a raging fire
Stronger than all of Earth's volcanoes
Wishing but a small bit of your mind
To be inside of me, as you are now?
Do you want me?
Do you?
The Monster
Most people fear the monster
Under their bed
Or in the closet
The one that lurks in the shadows
Of the dark alleys
Of their minds
In corners they don't dare look at.
I don't fear that monster under my bed.
May it choke on dust bunnies for all I care!
As for the one in my closet...
Well if he is in there I hope he cleans it up a bit.
Dark alleys are for cats and hobos.
Shadows are for parlor tricks... puppetry on walls.
The dark places... well, they are dark.
The monster I fear is hiding
Deep in my cells
Scrounging about my body
Gnawing and chewing on my insides
Hiding in my red cells
In my blood
In my essence
I sleep at night and feel him devouring
Pieces of my stomach
Nibble... bite... chomp... chew
His appetite insidious...
Unending.
Little kids
Scared adults
So fortunate
Vanquishing their beasts with merely
A flashlight and happy thoughts.
My monster needs chemo and radiation
Medications daily and hundreds of tests
My monster unlike so many others
Has a name.
It strikes fear in the hearts of many,
Sorrow in the hearts of my loved ones.
It is called
Cancer.
I Can’t Think Of Anything But You...
Now that I've looked into your eyes,
And felt your heartbeats, heard your sighs,
I've tasted love creasing your face
And felt the strength of your embrace,
I can’t think of anything but you...
Merely brief moments did we share,
A fleeting smile, a raging flare,
I never knew a touch, a kiss
Would make me find this world's amiss,
I can’t think of anything but you...
I try to sleep, turn off the light,
I hold you tight throughout the night,
My sweetest memories of heart
Yes, it was love, there from the start,
I can’t think of anything but you...
I close my mind before it cries,
I see your face, I see your eyes,
Till I will see you here again
I will survive... I guess... till then,
I can’t think of anything but you...
Waking Dreams
And when I close my eyes to dream
My heart, your name, does softly scream
Then, as in slumber's streams I wade
Your touches, gentle, never fade.
Did you just feel my steaming touch?
I love... you smile?... oh, yes, so much,
Look in my eyes, this shiny green
Holds in its depths your love unseen.
Morning... eyes flutter... wide awake
My sweetest kiss your lips do take
Your fire burns, your touch is hot
Desire churns, forget me not...
Shadow Puppets
I cast shadow puppets
On the wall of my life
Like a magic show farce
Figments of the truth
Bathed in shadows
Letting people see... what I want them to see
Contorting my digits as to make a rabbit...
A gull...
A spider...
A perfect life...
Daily this magic show continues
Play after play...
Lie, after truthful lie
While my mind drifts slowly
To another place and time.
Where my life is...
What it should be
With kisses real, not borrowed
With hand holding and trips to the beach,
Snuggling in bed for hours between lovemaking sessions
His eyes... his kisses... his hands
His love
Him
So for now...
I cast shadow puppets on the wall
That is my life
Drowning out my dreams
With a reality
Unreal
Of Beauty And Rage
Of beauty I say the simplest of things
Like gossamer softness of butterfly wings
Like words of a poet who robbed in my nest
The feel of my skin from my breast to his chest.
A newborn's soft creases and folds of the skin,
The coarseness of flesh hiding age deep within,
The look in the eyes of the one I adore
The thunder of bodies like waves to the shore.
Of beauty the simplest of things I do say,
Like living to love yet another blue day,
Like sun setting down and then sun on the rise,
The look of desire in my lover's eyes.
*
The humblest of thoughts I do harbor of rage
The dying of youth at the onslaught of age,
The meek human's wish to inherit the earth
And death as the coin in the engine of birth.
The reason for villainous crimes to be done,
To sacrifice many defending the one,
The essence of war in the countries of need,
Beloved ones blood spilling... most noble a deed.
Young innocence lost to the monsters at bay
And childhood sweet dreams fraught with demons of prey
Like storms raging wild and destruction adorned
And tearing up worlds like a sorceress scorned.
*
Of beauty and rage
The simplest of things,
The humblest of thoughts...
In This Space
In this space, not four walls
No windows and no doors
No ceilings, no floors.
In this space...
hollow.
In this space, no pictures on bare walls
No art refined, no bric-a-brac
No trophies, no pride of life.
In this space...
empty.
In this space, no sounds
No music playing, no laughter
No nursery rhymes sung to small ears.
In this space...
silent.
*
Then a presence.
A change
A current that lingers and....
EXPLODES!
*
In this space a mansion erupts
Windows of diamond, doors of jade
Ceilings hard, floors soft...
In this space...
solidified.
In this space a gallery unseen
Monet would envy, finery plenty
Halls of trophies and pride defined.
In this space...
so full.
In this space an orchestra.
A ball for princesses and thieves in kind
Where babies hear of fay and lore.
In this space...
loud with joy.
*
Where are you?
This presence interfering with my gloom?
You are in this space.
my heart.
Wait
I close my eyes and wait...
For this fury to subside
To drain itself from my veins
To diminish and to die
To leave my wounded heart
To let it beat again
To lift from my head this fog
And all the pain within
To sneak and creep out of my life
The way that it came in
I close my eyes and I await...
My inner peace again
Steady Dim
My pen is not enough to hold
These tears, these lies, these truths untold
It aches from weight of sins and pain
My pen is not enough to hold
My paper, blank and barren sea
No more sweet words be graced from me
It sighs because it held such tales
My paper, blank and barren sea
My heart was pounding once... for he
It pumped and pushed life's crimson sea
It wasn't good enough to give
My heart was pounding once... for he
My eyes are growing slowly dim
And dim the visions held of him
Not cloudless sky, nor earthly gem
My eyes are growing slowly dim
Infatuation
Intoxication over you,
So selflessly you brought me to,
Desperately I long for you,
Hopelessly I reach out,
You own my thoughts,
My words, and all of my deeds.
Infatuation inside me,
Cannot endure, exist, or be,
I want to scream it to the world
But I hold it tightly, locked securely
It seeps slowly and deeply into me,
Searing me so unbearably.
Then charred inside I reach for you,
Mirage, or dream, or fading view?
You, my thoughts
You, my gasps of breath,
I have struck the floor and fallen still,
Won’t you come and help me?
I’m melting into whiffs of air
And madness soaks in my despair,
Sickly hypnotized
By all of our twisted past,
Come, savor what is left of me,
I’m dissolving now so fast...
Empty
Inside.
Intoxication will soon be gone
But, infatuation... lingers on...
Cycle
The seed...
small
insignificant
shoved down
stepped upon
left alone
where bugs
and birds
may
prey on it
sky's tears
water it
loudly
dousing it
drenching it
drowning it
feeding it
The sprout...
erupts
saying
I...
survived
I...
am strong
I...
will be
The bud...
scared
fragile
innocent
yet tough
dares to bloom
to open
to...
shout!
to be,
beautiful
The rose...
fading beauty
calling upon you
its whole hearted innocence
saying...
smell me
pluck me
love me
before...
I die
Take Me
Billowy words
That raise me
So softly... ever so softly
To heaven's gates
With but merely
A memory's whisper....
From my heart
From my soul
From your eyes
Is this honey laden deceit?
Is this a hazy oblivion?
Or...
Lucid fantasies...
And crystal dreams?
Tell me lover
With your lips,
Kissing me ever so passionately.
With your tongue...
Dancing upon my heart's aches
With your mouth....
Devouring my insides.
Touch me lover with your velvety words.
In lieu of your hands
Touch me with your eyes.
Instead of your devoted body.
Steal me with your wild lacing of laurels.
Take me... simply take me...
To heaven
To hell
To a desire ridden
Shangri-la
My utopia
My perfection.
Take me at long last to desire
To that fire seeded haven in your arms
Take me into...
Your heart.
Me
What is this disdain that you harbor for me?
Don't you see that I am not in your way?
I live my life on the country road
Go drive in your fast lane
so I can take it slow.
If I were ugly you would proclaim
"what a crying shame!"
Yet if I were the local beauty queen,
my name would be brandished,
mocked and maimed,
because I am all you dare not see.
The package that is me.
Is not saintly by any means
Who wants to live so straight?
I am a sinner without too many sins
I am a champion with too few battles won
I am not a Phoenix rising
just a sparrow flying
So close your eyes,
or look the other way
So you won't have to see
the splendor that is me.
Slightly above average woman...
Girl nearly next door...
Soul with just enough shine.
Go live your life,
and let me live mine.
Then choke on all your insincerities
you have tried to hand down to me.
And I will just be...
me.
Would You
Would you be my dragon slayer?
Vanquish the monster that devours me
Piece, by piece, by piece?
Kill the scaly beast?
Would you be my warrior?
Fight my battles and bring me glory
Conquer in my name, in my honor?
Near or far, do my bidding?
Would you be my guide?
Help me through this life uncharted
Take my hand and lead me, hold me, help me?
Rescue my soul... from me?
Would you be my poet?
Write me tales of love unending, of fairies
Of magic and dragons, witches and heroes?
Would you use your pen to ease my fears?
Would you be my everything?
My hero, friend, lover, husband
My heart, my lung, my soul?...
Would you if I begged?
Would you?
Embrace
I look at the world
Through the eyes of a hopeless romantic
I see it in my dreams at night
Feathery soft wishes made with my heart
I see them dance just out of my grasp
In a distant light
The light that resonates
From you
When shall I touch them?
Own them, keep them tight in my grasp?
When shall I take what is rightfully mine
Embrace my dreams
Embrace you?...
I run through paper-cut fields
Called life... such strife
I seek with my eyes
What only my heart can find
There it is in the distance like a star
My reality flipped over and dipped in dreams
Illusions created by my heart
Birthed by my imagination
When shall I touch them?
Own them, keep them tight in my grasp?
When shall I take what is rightfully mine
Embrace my dreams
Embrace my reality?...
I trip over all of this surreal pain
It lives in my soul
Burrowed deep inside
Hiding from eviction
I try to capture it and throw it away
Yet, it yields not to my whims, yields not
Take your light and burn this hurt away
Scald and scorch this dissidence
Then warm my soul as only you can do
Heat it with the fire in your touch, in your words
When shall I touch them?
Own them, keep them tight in my grasp?
When shall I take what is rightfully mine
Embrace my dreams?
Embrace love?...
Sounds
The Sounds Of My Home...
Lying in my bed, early in the morning,
before the house wakes up.
I hear the foundation settling,
that one pesky cricket I can never find,
chirping away... somewhere.
I hear little heads snoring away in their beds...
one in mine, where she crept late in the night.
Then...
Alarm clocks wailing, water running.
The old pipes scream agonizingly
as a fluid rush is forced through its' copper veins.
The TV in the living room on, radios in the kids' rooms
blaring music as they prepare for school.
Small arguments over shirts and homework.
Laughter as one of them
makes the others laugh.
Then all settles down as they leave for school
and the baby and I are alone at last.
The sounds of Dora The Explorer,
and Rolie Polie Olie flood the house.
After lunch there is a moment of brief silence
as my little one naps, and I recuperate.
There are dishes to be done, laundry, lots of chores...
And as the day wears on and kids come home...
the house is a ruckus again.
The Sounds Of My Yard...
I escape to the porch for a short reprieve
Listening to the rain as it hits the roof
with small pattering noises, almost like a calypso beat
bum buh buh bum bum bum...
I hear the ocean only a block away from my front door
Raging from the swell of the rain pouring into it
Beating on the shore with a savage might,
Letting me remember it is a force to be reckoned with.
Then...
Thunder bangs a huge drum roll off in the distance
as lightning fills the sky over the gulf,
Nature's very own sounds and lights show...
Spectacular!
The rain slows... birds chirp... squirrels come out from hiding
and I listen to myself...
The Sounds Of Me...
I close my eyes and hear my steady breathing
Hear the way my lungs force air out...
and suck it back in.
The small digestive noises my stomach makes
as it processes the herbal tea I just drank.
I hear my heart beating softly...
thump thuh thump thump...
I breathe in and think of you
I listen closer to my soul
and hear it singing your name.
I miss you.
I Love You
I love you...
With the power and intensity
Of a million stars
Colliding in a celestial union
Then captured... enraptured
Inside a human heart
I love you...
With the innocence
Of a newborn child
Suckling at its mothers breast
Unknowing of the future
Yet trusting completely
In her strength and her guidance
I love you...
With the gravity of elephants
That dare to balance on dental floss thin truths
Fearing to fall in your presence
As you might see
Their inadequacy
I love you...
With the power of a solar flare
As it glints off your eye
And reflects in your smile
Then with as much intensity
Pierces my heart
I love you...
With the harmony of a thousand angels choir
Not singing praises to God
Of God
But shouting praises to this creator
For your presence
I love you...
With the tenderness
Of an aging parent for their adult child
Possessing a need and a knowledge
That will lead them on
Through what is left of this fantasy
Called life
Unscathed
I love you...
With the depth of the grandest of canyons
In the morning sunlight
Though they fear to look upon you
That they may see they are merely
Molehills... in the presence of your stature
I love you...
In life...
In death...
Forever...
I do
Ponder
How I ponder as I wander
Walking into nevermore
How I gaze in the haze
Hell's old fury in the store
How I feel less than real
As I sign this pandered deal
*
One last sigh, as I die
Then in shallow grave I lie
Salt in eye, stone in heart
Just three words and then I part
"And if in past, you never knew
Know now my dear, once... I loved you"
Chemo
White hot fire in my flesh
invading my senses and screaming into me
a pain so sharp and deep that it suffocates my wails
Careening through the alleys in my mind
Waking my nerve endings with a kick.
Torturing my heart and lungs with a crushing of bone
breaking measure
No one can save me from this liquid damnation.
From the agony of this hell's fire under my skin
Enslaved here, for my own good.
All I can do is lie back and endure this pain
and focus
On the heaven of seeing my grandkids someday
On the hell of paying taxes, too high
On the face of my lover
marred with deep concern
Breaking burrows in his handsome profile
Creases of worry lines
Scowl marks
Frowns
Focus...
On surviving the treatment
that kills the monster...
chemo...
Lady Of The Mist
I stand in my front yard
early in the morning
way before the sunrise peeks sleepily
through the many cypress, maple
and oak trees in my neighborhood
with its sleepy autumnal eyes.
I know what the morning brings for me.
Yet more pain and discomfort
like so many other tattered days in my life,
but I will not run from it.
No.
I will greet it face on with fierceness.
A cool breeze stirs from the east
and as I turn my head in its direction
I see her strolling slowly up the block.
The lady of the mist.
She wears a silken dress of gray gossamer.
Floating gently up the street
as though all should be in awe of her,
as I am now.
Her movements controlled and precise
as she approaches me slowly
much like all the apprehension
I must face
in a few short hours.
She softly places
a damp, cool kiss on my cheek
as she passes me with the softness
of a lover's caress.
Then as smoothly as she came,
she departs
on her trek down the street I live on.
Leaving me standing alone in the fog,
as I stand alone...
in my fog.
The Beauty Of Loneliness
Sitting at the swamp
as the sun sets.
Reflecting in it is
the loneliness I felt
Before the sweetest brown eyes
I have ever seen
Broke through like the sun
and warmed my waters,
settling my currents,
calming my soul.
Now...
I see the beauty in the swamp
I see at last
The beauty in its loneliness.
Close Enough To Touch
I hear a song
that reminds me of you.
A moment we shared
A memory half gone
I just close my eyes
and they come rushing back in
At that moment
you seem just...
close enough to touch.
I see the place where we sat and talked,
at the beach or the park,
where we held hands as we walked.
Like bees these memories
swarm around my head
telling me you are gone.
My heart weeps, and I close my eyes
trying to chase them all away,
But all I see is your face.
almost...
close enough to touch.
I sit and read the sweet words you wrote,
from your heart to mine.
I can barely see them now,
as they are smeared by time
and tears I’ve cried.
I just want to sink right into the pages
To that moment
and feel your skin on mine,
Your lips softly kissing away
the tears in my eyes.
My vision blurs
and my mind plays tricks on me
because you look...
close enough to touch.
I wear your shirt; the fibers are thin,
Threadbare from all of my wear, and tear.
Your scent has long since left it,
but your memory remains.
Just as strong as the day I helped you remove it,
and stole it from you, as you stole my heart from me.
I pull it up over my face
to block out all I see.
Except for your eyes.
So close to my own.
And your handsome face
is almost...
close enough to touch
Oh lover, my heart aches everyday
I sit and wait to swim in your love again
Distance is tearing at my seams
I live inside memories...
And dreams.
Then I remember that you will return
to my waiting arms.
To holding hands, to kissing
till our lips are chapped and pain sears them
with passion and heat.
And that moment, is just... close enough to touch...
Did You Feel It?
Did you feel it?
When they stuck my arm
scoured my flesh
wounded my pride?
When they invaded my throat?
Turned my stomach
into a battleground?
Seized my enemy
and mortally wounded it?
When I awoke sore?
Searing pain in my belly?
Injured arm where I ripped
the needle from my vein?
When I sobbed quietly alone?
Called your name into the night?
Drifted into dreams of us?
Said I love you, as I awoke to a new day?
Blew a kiss your way
made myself get up
go on?
Fight?
I know you felt it...
because you were with me all the while.
Friend
Such a magnificent word
So beautiful in all its' glory
Means you have someone
who will always be there by your side
to hold your hand in hard times
To encourage you and help you grow
To be a shoulder to cry on
Someone who will laugh with you
not at you, even when you mess up.
Someone who will advise you on good
and bad decisions, honestly.
Someone who tells you when you are messing up
and when you are doing right
Friend...
Such a special word
For special people
Deep as an ocean
High as a mountain
Friend... a beautiful word
except when that is all that your love
will call you
Sterile White
Alone in this sterile white
Hearing the beeps and hissing of machinery needed
to help me breathe... help me live
I cannot move
paralyzed by restraints
"She ripped the needle from her arm screaming in pain a name"
the nurse aghast
unsure what to tell the doctor
"She is in pain. Give her more meds."
always his answer
Unknowing that what I need is your touch
to reach across a distance
heal my wounds
keep me warm
give me strength
I close my eyes as the drug induced peace
drifts slowly over my mind and body
taking me to a dreamless place
where I cannot even touch your face
They might as well let me die now
if they are going to steal my dreams
steal you from me even in my coma like sleep
with their drugs and nonchalant bedside manners
I am alone in this sterile white
hearing the beeps and hisses of machinery needed
to help me breathe... help me die
May I
May I be your Helen?
Will you wage battles
of epic proportions for my sake?
Will you gamble your kingdom for me
For the honor of my love?
May I be your Echo?
Live my life in the hopes of hearing you say
"I love you" just once?
Then die, leaving nothing
but my wailing voice?
Because you are gone forever.
May I be you Annabel Lee?
Your forever love, tender bride?
The one you mourn for years and years
till in death, at last, we are reunited?
May I be your serenity?
Free of chains at last.
May I offer you simple happiness
joys of the heart
pleasures of body and soul?
*
May I be your right
And erase your plight,
May I be your song
And to you belong,
May I be your creed
And your soul's sole need,
May I wipe your tears
Through your aging years?
Your rising sun
Your only one
May I?
May I?..
From A Distance
The mind tests spellings of depart
An empty void infests the heart
Sad tears are shed
Sweet laments said
The end is here... when did it start?
Hand crushing hand spelling goodbye
Hot tears demanding right to cry
The time to leave
The time to grieve
The ache escapes inside... a sigh.
She watches doors spelling I go
Through smiles deep sadness shivers show
She wipes the tears
And hides the fears
Her love for him so... does he know?
Then from a distance spells a song
His words have found where they belong
Inside her heart
In whole, in part
She knows... he'll never do her wrong.
Identity
He takes my hand and kisses the tip of each finger
sending small, sharp chills down my spine,
softly licking them,
tracing the circles and ridges of my fingerprints,
with the tip of his tongue.
"How do I taste?"
I ask coyly.
"Like honey and strawberries... like love."
He says as he sucks yet another digit.
"Love tastes like honey and strawberries?"
small laugh, then a gasp and sigh,
as he suckles my ring finger.
"That tingles. It sends chills down my spine."
His eyes so deep.
A caramel bliss.
"It is not chills baby. It is rivers of love flowing under your skin."
Sucking deeper now.
Taking most of my finger in his mouth as his tongue
softly massages all the lines of my identity.
"May I drown in them then?"
Words barely escape from my lips
before they are engulfed in his own.
He is devouring my lips... my fingers...
my essence,
and the gates of heaven open in the distance
beckoning us in.
I Sigh
Tangled up in linen spider webs
Covered in salty evening dew
As the moonlight plays...
Piano soft tunes on bare skin
With all the eloquence of Chopin,
Or Beethoven in love.
As the nimblest of fingers
Softly plays...
Note...
By note...
By note...
Writing a symphony of memories
On my body,
And carved into my heart.
Gently you whisper
Lullabies of heated desire
On my ivory nudity
As I lie breathlessly...
In wait
Of your lacey soft caresses
To dance sensuously
On my flesh.
Painting memories
In the gallery
I hold deep in my heart
To be viewed
Privately
Over, and over, and over...
As age robs me
Like a bandit in the night
Of the fragile
State of youth
My heart dwells in.
Then you kiss me...
And I sigh.
Paper doll
She is a paper doll
cut out of magazines
and movie scenes
one size fits all
No need to talk to her
just dress her up
and play with her
never mind her silent screams
who hears a dead voice anyway
Allow her smile
to fade in time
Then replace her
with a newer model
As you go to toss her in the trash
heed no mind to the paper cuts
on her limbs and her face
or your fingertips for that matter
from those times you played too rough with her
Just take a match and burn her to ashes
toss her away like bad habits
and yesterday's news
after all
She is just a paper doll...
one size fits all
Waiting
I sit waiting...
Watching eternity
drag her fingers through the sands of time.
Leaving small trails and gullies
for me to fall into.
"Patience is a virtue"
my mom would always say.
I do not want to be virtuous today
as I watch the seconds hand on the clock
tick slowly...
as though it has rigor mortis.
So I will sit here...
and wait, as time taunts me
with a jester's smile
And watch eternity drag her fingers
through the sands of time
in mocking grace.
Steam
Steam emanating
from the porcelain surface
As hot tears stream down a cold face.
Hours had passed in near silence
All except the thunderous sound
of breaking hearts
Pounding chest to chest,
as the ache of goodbye
resounded deafly inside lovers' ears.
The glass dividing two souls,
steaming with their touch.
Hand on glass reflecting green tears...
the runway...
the plane...
hand on glass reflecting brown tears.
and...
The steam
that emanates from the porcelain surface
as hot tears run down a cold face.
Lost Brevity
I inhaled you.
My nostrils flaring like a raging bull as I lay by your side.
I took in your intoxicating scent full of memories, and dreams.
I inhaled your essence. Like pollen into my lungs.
Letting it take seed, and root into my very soul.
I absorbed you.
As a sponge would absorb gallons, upon gallons, of water.
I soaked in your presence, and kept you inside me.
Saving your essence, scrounging it, and never losing one drop.
One spec.
Drowning in the very thought of you, blissfully.
I desired you.
Like a harlot lusting for that unachievable climax.
That glimmer just out of sight, that breeze on the hottest of summers days.
I yearned to keep every fiber of your being in me, forever, always.
But....
I lost you.
In a moment when I blinked, when I briefly closed my eyes.
For that second, you were gone, lost.
Now that stolen second can never be reclaimed,
And losing you even for a moment so brief is a death of a new caliber.
Beckons
And she beckons,
As a maiden of long ago.
Softly,
sensually.
She calls to me from far away,
yet so close.
I smell her essence on the breeze
Damp and musky
An ageless scent that invades the mind
as it invades the senses.
She is whispering to me.
I hear her...
as sailors of long ago
heard her siren's call,
With all the lust of an ancient Goddess
and all the sensuality of a nymph.
I go to her now
and see my lover's eyes in the stars
feel his fingers caress my skin
as she drags me into her salty, wet embrace.
She beckons to me still,
just as he does.
Sparks: A Moment Captured
Lazy afternoon
sun blazing,
eyes glazing
The warmth of impending spring
teasing my flesh into goose bumps
I am looking upon the small...
golden
sparks
on a placid canvas
dimpled and speckled
with imperfections.
The radiance glaring
off the vagueness
of the beautiful shards,
in spectacular gold and red glints
holding for brief moments
my attention in awe
Minutes pass and I wonder silently,
as the breeze warms my skin...
Should I shave my legs today?
Exhaled
Sleepless nights,
as eyes of scaled dragons
glare pitifully, miserably,
across miles of savage rage.
And who has stolen my dreams?
Tricksters and bandits.
Rats, the bane of gargoyles
in a symphony of angels.
Who cares anyway if the sandman dies?
He never brings me lace and pearls.
Sleepless nights
as the jade eyes of a jaded heart
burn slowly to ash... and blow away
in a lover's sigh,
in a lover's lie...
exhaled
That Dance
(For Dominic)
You smiled as I sang
out of tune
the sweet lyrics
of a love song
I know by heart.
In my heart.
You stand and walk up to me
take my hand and ask...
"May I have this dance?"
Five simple words,
yet, I stop breathing.
I stand and hold your hand
as you lead me
to the dance floor.
We face one another,
your eyes looking into my own,
embracing one another
closely
so closely...
The beat of your heart louder than
the beat of the music.
As the song nears its end
you lean close and whisper
"I love you"
and heaven has music
and heaven has a dance floor
and heaven was in that three minute song
and heaven was in...
that dance
Closets
Sneaking peeks in virtual closets
the white glare upon my face
dead of night
sleepless
dreamless
Discovering innuendos and flirtations
broken promises and dead kisses
and...
skeletons
Oh, so many skeletons
Bleached white
with sugar, and lies
I turn to leave
to run from the discoveries
and I slip on the honey
that dripped from smooth lips
so sweet
so so sweet
I did not mind the taste
as I lay...
drowning in it
Acquired
(sequel to Wait)
I open my eyes and I see...
I have drained this fury from me
No longer does it reign
In my body lung and vein
It has left, my heart is healing
Fades away the angry feeling
Fogs inside my mind have cleared
Clean the corners they have smeared,
Left, and took the pain within
Just the way that it came in.
I sigh at last, because I see
I found the inner peace in me.
I Hug My Pillow
I miss you
every day
small bits
but enough to make me sad
I lie on my bed
wishing you were there
by my side
in my arms
hugging me
sigh
I roll over
grab my pillow
a sad substitute for you, but...
hug it tight anyway
wishing it was your body
Alas...
it is just a pillow
Concerto
Sitting out on the patio
as the rain beats down
in a blues like rhythm
that would make Coltrane envious.
Bum-rum-bum-bum-rum-bum-bum
Droplets of cool rain
dance upon my face,
like a wet ballerina
pirouetting across my flesh
reminding me...
I am alive
Washing away the tears
that stain my existence.
Salty reminders of you.
And the thunder is rolling
pounding away a calypso beat
that tears away the layers of my heart
so many fears
so many doubts
so many coulda, shoulda, woulda been's
I sigh, a silent applause
for this concerto of agonizing truth,
dreamed in reality.
I Talked To You Today
I talked to you today.
Though we parted ways some time back
I felt that I needed to visit with
a long lost friend.
I am not sure if you listened to me at all.
But I feel better for having tried.
I remember when I was young,
and we were close. I grew up with you.
Yes, my friend, I am still upset
over how we parted ways that day.
It is something I am sure we both regret.
I felt you turned your back on me
at a time I needed you most.
You ignored my pleas, my call to you.
So never again did I want to speak your name.
I just felt the need, you see?
To tell you about my children. They are all getting so big
I am sure you know, after all... kids grow.
I also have another daughter. No, you and she haven't met.
I fell in love with a wonderful man. Real, true, deep love.
My health is not better, perhaps worse. I go on though.
I am still stubborn.
Thanks for the time, and the reverie.
I just hope this time you heard me.
Perhaps some day we can be friends again.
Like when I was young, and we hung out every Sunday.
It was nice talking to you, God.
Maybe we will meet again.
Lullaby
Tenderly you hug me to your chest. I have my ear strategically placed, so as to be able to hear the
beating of your heart, the sighs in your chest. You stir a bit so I look up at you. So handsome that I feel
my own heart skip a few beats, merely at the sight of you.
"What are you looking at?" you ask me softly.
"Beauty" I whisper in a hush.
A smile plays across your lips, and in your eyes just before you softly kiss me.
"Then what you must see is your reflection in my eyes." you quietly respond.
As my head your left of chest
Tests for songs of angels crest
What I hear is not your sighs...
Beating wings of butterflies
Not in jest...
Deeper in, the rolling thunder
Just behind your ribs and under
Echoes songs of love you gave
Telling me my eyes you crave...
Green and wonder...
Hold my hands now, kiss my lips
Caress me with fingertips
Hold me close and tight my dear
Vanquish all of my pain and fear...
Love just drips...
"Poetess you steal my heart." you whisper against my neck.
"As you stole mine." I sigh and lay my head back on your chest. I slowly drift to sleep listening to the
lullaby of your heartbeat, and dream of our reality.
Perceptions
Face to face I take your hands in mine. Gazing into your eyes I see a question in them. So I ask,
"What is on your mind love?"
"Fairies", you say. "Fairies and the color of their eyes."
Ahhhh. I knew this would be spoken of at some point. You know of my love of the little winged
masterpieces. How I enjoy their whimsy and charm. Also, I know of how you assume me to be one of
them creatures in human form.
"Fairies, like humans, have many different shades of eyes. From brown to blue, to pink I am sure." I say,
knowing your next comment before it leaves those beautiful lips of yours.
"I believe they are green", you say in an honest tone. "Green as forest trees, green as emeralds, green as
magic."
I smile at this and turn to lay my head on your lap, still holding on to your hand.
"My love, it is all a matter of perception. You used to believe angels had blue eyes, as well. That devils
had red eyes, and that witches had two different colored eyes all together. Now you see there are no
absolutes in this eye color scheme. Some angels have red eyes, when angry I am sure. Some devils have
eyes of cornflower, and well witches do not follow rules now, do they?"
I see you frown over this comment, yet you still bend down and kiss my lips. More like bite them
actually.
"This fairy has green eyes", you say to me as you plant another part kiss part bite on my mouth.
I sigh and squeeze your hand.
"I am no fairy baby. I am a witch who loves fairies", I say and start to giggle because you tickled my side
with your free hand. Trying to torture me into agreeing with you.
"What of my eyes?" you ask me staring intently into my own.
"That is easy my love", I say as I look up into the rich brown of them. "They are the rich color of
caramel. So sweet. They are the color of young oak, so strong. They are the color of soft garden earth,
life giving. They are the color of a fawn's new coat, so tender and soft." I halt for a moment giving me
sufficient time to enjoy the smile on your lips. "They are the color of love. My love. The color that paints
my dreams at night. Yes, they are the color of love."
You play softly with my hair and then kiss me again before you say,
"Angels and devils I have little knowledge of, so believe you in your assumptions of their eyes. Fairies
and witches I know. When you are my fairy they are indeed green. Bright like emerald, deep as forest
leaves." You lean down, kissing this time my forehead to set this belief in stone. "When they change like
the seasons from green, to blue, to hazel... then you are my witch. My fairy skinned witch." Another
quick kiss, but who's counting?
I turn and sit facing you. Looking intensely into your eyes.
"So let me get this straight. Angels may or may not have blue eyes. Devils red. Fairies definitely green,
and witches change?"
You laugh, a laughter which is music to my soul. Then lean forward and whisper in my ear,
"Finally dear, you see the truth!"
You quickly scoot backwards in a protective maneuver smiling the whole time. I cannot help but smile
at this and chase after you, tackling you to the floor and straddling your chest as I pin your arms down.
Leaning forward, I give you the meanest look I can muster, but quickly soften as you mouth the words I
love you to me. I kiss you and whisper,
"Poets have brown eyes. Love has brown eyes. You, have the most beautiful of all, brown eyes."
Hope Chest
There are memories
covered in dust.
All my childhood dreams
That have gone to rust,
and a broken heart
There's old photographs
Things kept way too long.
Like sweet fairy tales,
or the words to songs,
and an ache inside
All the promises
That were never kept.
All the sleepless nights
where I never slept,
and all my nightmares
All the hateful things
Ever done to me.
All the promises
never meant to be,
and the tears I've cried
I have asked myself...
Why must I keep things?
That pull on my heart
just like puppet strings,
all these reminders
Then the answer came.
Though, it's bittersweet
So I won't forget
and mistakes repeat,
and some misplaced joys
A Life
From here to there, and back again
I held you lover, husband, friend
and in the things that lie between
brown earth of eye, or spring like green,
I held you lover, husband, friend
From here to there, and back again.
In times that were, and never are
I honored you, my wishing star
in reverence released pent tears
and captured pain held through the years,
I honored you, my wishing star
In times that were, and never are.
With love that is, and cannot be
I've shed for you a crimson sea
for you I stole life's fruit from death
we feasted on my dying breath,
I've shed for you a crimson sea
With love that is, and cannot be.
A life not had, yet lived in dreams.
I'd fill with love till bursting seams.
no pain, no hurt, deceitful lies,
just filled with kisses, soft love sighs,
I'd fill with love till bursting seams.
A life not had, yet lived in dreams.
Alchemist
I cried at the thought of us parting. Tears streamed down my face in small, shiny rivers. You captured
the salty dew drops from upon my cheek and asked,
"Shall I say the magic words and turn them to diamonds my dear? I will, you know.
Lace them on a string of gold,
Then engrave them words of old,
Set in rings with gems of Nile,
I would, but for one sweet smile."
I smiled. Could not help but do so in the face of such a lover. Such a love.
"Use them dear to buy a home
Life and love under its dome,
Else the time's with worry spent...
Love won't pay the monthly rent."
Now you smiled. How could you not in the face of such a lover? Such a love?
You reached down and pulled some loosed hairs of mine from my blouse. Eyeing each golden red strand
in the light. Then cupped them in your hand with the tears and asked,
"Shall I crochet them in magic and make finest aurum? I will, you know, for you.
Shall I weave fine golden chains
For your lockets, picture frames,
Or a wedding band it be
For the world this love to see?"
I smiled. Could not help but do so in the face of such a lover. Such a love.
"I would rather you made locks
Keep from home the evil flocks
Thieves and ravens, bandits, crows,
Armies lining rows and rows."
Now you smiled. How could you not in the face of such a lover? Such a love?
You leaned in and kissed my lips ever so softly. Smearing the red of my lipstick as you did. You grinned
now as you wiped the smudge onto the thumb of your closed hand that held all of our magic, and
asked...
"Shall I turn this to rubies fair? I will you know, for you I will.
To conjure to rubies' gleam
Grander than in Sultan's dream,
Fashion cuffs of magic fire
Envying my love's desire?"
I smiled. Could not help but do so in the face of such a lover. Such a love.
"Fashion me my magic king
None of jewels, cuffs, or ring,
Just a home where we grow old
Treasures of my heart to hold."
We smiled in the face of such lovers. Of such love How could we not?
Then my sweet alchemist worked his magic, and treasures abound. Dare I say happily ever after? I do,
because he did.
Patriots
(Thanks to Dom for all the help)
He sits quietly in his foxhole,
his safe haven for the night.
Smelling the memories of loved ones
on the pieces of paper clenched tightly in his hand.
Bullets whizzing by his head
whispering his name ever so softly
just like the exotic seductresses in the last village
promising love for a buck...
Sears the bright hue of pain through his mind
The grotesque fear.
The unimaginable horror of things he has seen and done.
A pain as sharp as his enemy's curses
as he sits silently and prays...
"Just let me make it through the night."
He closes his eyes and remembers...
His grandma's homemade pies.
Cutting up with his brothers on a Saturday night
and his first kiss,
as he tries to ignore the ammunition
that teases him with each pass
like a prom date
narrowly missing him.
Searing colors of pain in his heart
as he wonders if his enemy remembers his first kiss.
He silently prays...
"Just let me make it through the next few hours."
He squeezes his eyes shut tighter.
Remembering his mom's Christmas dinners
with the best gravy ever, and leftovers for days.
Remembering his friends' farewell party for him,
knowing it may really be farewell for good.
And that last kiss.
As the bullet bites into his flesh
like a dragon devouring a virgin sacrifice
He wonders if his enemy remembers his last kiss
as the tide of crimson stains the stripes
on the arm of his uniform.
He silently prays...
"Just let me make it through the hour."
Taps plays as a flag is presented
to a sobbing wife.
A family weeps...
And in a foreign land
A wife gives her husband's cold dead lips
one last kiss and wonders...
Did his enemy's wife do the same?
Tourniquet
I bled so freely.
Wounds opened,
never healing,
never scarring.
Then you came along.
Touched the gaping hole
at the left of my chest.
Sealing it closed
cauterizing veins, and arteries.
Tying off my spewing blood rivers
with your words of love.
The aching pain of this life,
stalled, halted forever.
The flowing streams of my essence
draining who I was, who I am
onto the vague linen of this world.
Now dissipated with merely three words.
No longer do I bleed, because...
You are my tourniquet.
Tattered No More
Floating in an abyss
No goal
No aim
Just...
floating
Like a bubble on a breeze
carried wherever the wind leads
Then...
A light in all this darkness
Twinkling in the distance,
Curiosity drew me closer,
and closer,
Till what seemed at first to be a star,
becomes a supernova!
Still and silent
awed by the pure magnificence of you.
I was afraid to breathe
afraid that the thunderous roar of my heartbeat
would scare you away.
SILENCE BROKEN!
by the baritone madness
of your simple words
"Why do you float?"
THOUGHT
Answered
"Because I cannot fly."
simple enough answer.
still...
you quizzed on
"And why is it you cannot fly?"
THOUGHT
Answered
"Because my wings are tattered from a life of pain."
simple enough answer
as the tear that crept from my left eye froze into an icicle
You smiled at me,
took the icicle,
and pierced your left breast
soaking your life's blood into its' jagged tip
I gasped!
You placed your fingers over my lips
then drew them back to your own,
and kissed them gently.
You used the crimson tipped spear
to draw upon the darkness
with words of love, and passion,
till a set of beautiful red wings appeared.
"Try them on."
you said, still unflinching at the pain in your chest.
I slid up to the beautiful wings
and placed them on my back
over my own tattered pair.
"Now try them out."
I did and found that they were strong
They flapped wildly
stirring a jasmine and lilac scented breeze
all around us
I rushed towards you to hug you tightly
as a thankful joy for such a gift overwhelmed me!
Upon touching your light, you turned human,
and kissed my lips
biting softly, yet hard enough to break the skin
letting my blood drip onto your wound
healing it instantly.
"But how?" I asked.
"Love," you answered.
"You are tattered no more."
Fly Little One
For Jacki D
A winged creature--sparrow not
Her life was full of sorrows fraught
Her spirit stronger then the eagle
Courage bounding--never feeble
Vultures chased this fragile soul
They lured her to their final goal
She fell under their dreadful charm
Tis’ when they did her spirit harm
To some she got what she deserved
This fragile, little winged bird
She is stronger then given credit for
She fought the peril they had in store
Now with one wing clipped she still flies
She writes her woes in poets lullabies
This wounded swan--her spirit's strong
Still she soars--though she’s been wronged
Fly little one
To heavens gates
Fly little one
To St Peters fates
Fly little one
Do not feel pain
Fly little one
You will love again
Bliss
Run your fingers down my skin
Sear the rainbow's vein within
Tint my soul with brightest green
Paint my world colors unseen
Red as passion's sin
Run your hands upon my thighs
And release soft lovers' sighs
Painting flesh with searing hues
Gold of apple, sky soft blues
Scald me with your eyes
Trace my body's shape with nails
Crimson marks and lovers' wails
Mark my flesh with tender bites
Seal my fate with lovers' rites
Hot breath fills my sails
Softly knead my pallid flesh
Time will pass till these skins mesh
Taste my nectar, taste my dew
Taste the honey, lovers brew
Scorch my love to ash
Then as tidal waves subside
Slow's the current, soft the tide
Settle me in lovers arms
In his kisses, in his charms
Such a tender ride
Heaven envies such a bliss
Hell in fury runs amiss
Angels sigh, at such sweet sight
Lovers snuggling through the night
Trapped within their kiss
In Your Eyes
I feel the needle slide into my arm.
Seeking its river of life to steal into
I watch as the nurse tapes it down
and starts the fluid rushing into my vein.
I finally look at my pallid flesh
now punctured, invaded.
The skin is dimpled and marred
from the many attempts to find
that damnable artery.
Always evasive, always stubborn.
Like me
My skin now resembles a berry.
Bright splotches of crimson hues
speckled with small dots and streaks.
Seeping a bit of bright red juice on the sheet.
I close my eyes again and wait for you.
Wait to feel you holding my hand in your own.
Wait to hear the triad of I love you.
Three times makes it real...
I close my eyes tighter
as the anesthesia is administered.
I squeeze my hand tighter around...
thin air.
You are not here with me.
You are far away.
I am alone in this isolated white room
going into battle with the unseen demon.
I close my eyes as instructed
count to ten...
drift downward till alas I see them...
Caramel orbs
holding such beauty
I go towards them
drawn as a dragonfly to the light...
I am home, in your arms,
in your love,
in your eyes.
Healed
You have granted me sweet tears
Angel drops to drown my fears
Handed dreams in splendid might
Took my hand and led this fight
Nightmares chased from sight
Painted dreams in beauty's glow
Turned my tears to magic snow
Cleared my way to fairies' play
Touched my nights then kissed my day
This is beauty's way
And when evil loudly cawed
You have burned the seeds they sowed
Chased the nightmares from my eyes
Turned my wails to loving sighs
Bound me in love's ties
You penned me tales of fairy lore
And secrets never told before
Then laid me down in love's soft bed
And kissed my face, caressed my head
And drank love's tears I shed
I said "...my love, my shining knight
You took my wrongs, and made them right
You showed me love is sweet and grand
You dressed my finger silver band
You kissed my trembling hand"
What never fore... it now can be
What's never seen... I now can see
What I have thought was dream... is real
A heart I knew is dead, can feel
My soul, dear love... you heal
Insidious Word
The infinite pain of one word.
Like a poisonous gas,
it seeps through the pores
of the canvas that is my flesh.
Creeping its way past muscles, tendons, and veins,
Till at last it cracks its way through my bones
and devours the marrow inside.
goodbye
It wriggles its way incessantly
through the highways and trails of my arteries.
Finding at long last its main objective,
and slides stealthily inside my heart
shouting its existence with a thunderous roar
that echoing through my very soul...
goodbye
Now warm, at home between my ribs
bathing in my life's blood,
it whispers cunningly to me
of all the sweet caresses that I will be missing.
Of the kisses and soft moments now gone from my life
when that one insidious word has to be spoken...
goodbye
Calliope
I saw them in your eyes.
Small kaleidoscopes of color.
A universe of rainbows,
swelling and descending like the tides
I called you my Calliope, my dream catcher
You smiled, and called me wife, lover, life
That is when I saw them in your eyes,
the rainbow like, capricious colors
that beckon and call to my soul
to come swim in the rivers of flowing vibrancy.
I called you my Calliope...
You called me your wife
Memory
"Are you a memory?" I asked
You smiled and touched my face softly.
"Would a memory be able to touch you, feel you?"
I sighed. Touched your face in return.
No. Not a memory.
I could feel the roughness of your unshaved skin.
"Usually you are a memory." I say with a tear in my eye.
You wipe it up with your index finger then taste it.
"I am real today."
Then you kiss me
creating yet one more memory
for when you are gone again.
Desert Blooming
"The desert is blooming," I say.
You look around at the red and brown dirt
The red and brown people
Then ask me "Where?"
I walk over to a small stout cactus
Pull a yellowing pod from between its quills
Pricking my third finger on my left hand
I let the blood drip on the dried up bulb
Then stand back and watch it bloom in your hand.
You smile and ask how I knew.
"I was dry like the desert too.
Till you made me bloom."
Perfectly Cloudless
We lay on our backs staring upward
The sky a beautiful clear blue
No clouds... anywhere
Perfectly cloudless skies
"I have never seen such a clear sky," you whispered
"I chased all the clouds away for you," I whispered back
We lie on our sides staring into each others eyes
Yours so perfectly brown
Mine so perfectly green
And we see perfectly cloudless skies
Crimson Ribbon
I started unwrapping the gift
Safely placing the long red ribbon
to the side of the sofa.
You eyed the long piece of satin
with a devious look on your face.
Elated over the birthday present
I hugged you tightly about the neck.
Words. You gave me words.
You stood up before me
Taking both my hands
and placing them behind your back
encircling your waist
Turned around
tying my wrists snuggly together
trapping you in place.
"What are you doing?" I asked giggling.
You turned around to face me again.
"Giving you your real gift now. Love."
Wings
Sunny, warm autumn day in the park.
We had picnicked, so I was happy, full, and lazy.
I lay down on the blanket and dozed off.
I awoke, and saw spread out about me
the beautiful vermilion, gold, and sage leaves of the trees
in the shape of lovely butterfly wings.
I saw you and smiled.
"You gave me wings," I said.
"You gave me love," you smiled and kissed me.
I felt a spark as sharp as a dragon's tongue bite at my lip...
I awoke with a start and looked around.
Confused as to where I was and I saw them...
Spread out on the bed was a crimson rose, and golden daisy petals
in the shape of beautiful fairy wings.
I saw you at the foot of the bed smiling.
You leaned in and kissed me.
Then my heart fluttered...
and so did my wings.
Seeds
Sitting on the beach, we rifle through the sand
like small crabs seeking a feast amongst the tiny grains.
You hand me a small red grain of sand and tell me
"That is a ruby for my desert queen." Smiling.
I smile in return and hand you a well sought after piece of abalone shell.
"That is the beginning of a rainbow for my poet king." Smiling.
Hours passed in what seemed minutes
as we sculpted dragon's fires, castle keeps, rainbows, jewels, and desires.
So many desires, in so many grains of sand.
Finally you hand me the plainest bit of sand through this entire game.
I look at it quizzically.
"And what pray tell is this my love?" I ask puzzled.
"A kiss," you say as you lean in kissing me softly.
"The first seed in our love's orchard."
Dandelion Kisses
I stood in my front yard
Fluffy, white dandelion in hand
and softly... blew
Sending dozens of small, snowy parachutes
to seek you out on the breeze.
They floated across mountains and valleys,
Lakes and oceans, forests and deserts.
Some getting lost along the way
But one...
found its way to you.
It landed on your cheek
Sending a brilliant, warm sensation through your flesh.
You reached up and plucked it off your skin
walking inside
Gazed in a mirror and saw,
right where the dandelion wisp has landed...
a kiss mark.
You placed the small gift into a box
where it was instantly at home
amongst the hundreds of others just like it.
Enough wisps to make a field of dandelions.
You smiled and whispered onto the breeze....
I love you too.
Love Me Not's
I sat on the grass with daisy in hand
slowly plucking its petals
"He loves me..."
"Loves me not..."
"Loves me..."
As I approached the end of its bloom
it was apparent that the last petal would be...
"Loves me not..."
Tears welled in my eyes
as I neared the last bit of gold flower flesh.
You leaned in close and kissed the flower
Suddenly...
It was fully bloomed again!
As I started plucking at the petals again
I noticed that as I got close to the last of them,
they would grow anew all over the flower.
"How did you do this magic?" I asked
"It is not magic, it is love," you said,
Then kissed my lips, and...
I bloomed.
He loves me.
Echoes
I close my eyes. Try to sleep. But...
The echo of my heartbeat keeps me awake.
It is beating your name...
Lover... Lover... Lover...
I miss you...
I roll over and try again.
New position may help.
Echo...
Lover... Lover... Lover...
No use. I miss you to the point of it causing a throb,
A pain in my chest, in my soul.
I get up and make some hot tea. Perhaps that will settle me.
I cannot resist the call of the computer,
My connection to you.
So I log on and read your letters over and over,
Read your stories and poems...
Over and over.
I pull up your picture and touch the screen.
I miss those eyes.
I miss those dimples.
I miss You...
I miss Us.
I will sit and wait some more.
See if you email, or log onto messenger,
Then I will sleep some, and dream...
Of you my love.
Always of you.
As I listen to the echo of my heart,
Calling out your name.
Leaves
The leaves...
Damnable scoundrels.
Out to break his back as he rakes, and rakes, and rakes...
Beautiful red, orange, and yellow pieces of agony
He has now a huge pile...
Ready to be stowed away in a hundred black bags.
But not yet, no, something left to be done...
I sneak up behind him,
As a feline sneaks upon its prey...
Slowly, stealthy, not making a sound...
As I get closer, and closer...
My heart pounds faster, and faster.
He is just a few feet away now,
Back to me as he stares at the small, colorful beasts
That wish to do him in.
He is so outnumbered.
POUNCE!
I take a running start...
And knock him into the leaves,
Rolling onto my back, as I pull him onto me
Laughing hysterically as he tickles me
And yells breathlessly...
"You are an awful woman!"
"Terrible wife!"
"A saboteur!"
Then he looks into my eyes,
And I into his.
Seeing the beautiful colors of autumn reflect
In his rich caramel.
He leans in close...
Kisses me deeply...
Whispers in my ear,
"You are my dream come true..."
Eve Revisited
And I was,
before existence.
Lying motionless in utter blackness,
Fetal position, awaiting an unknown birth.
My creation.
In this darkness I yearned
for a light that was not yet known to my unborn eyes.
Eyes that were clueless
To the gold, orange, and silver of cresting rays of light,
embedded in the kiss of an early morning sunrise.
And I am... though I not yet be.
I was,
before the morning.
Before the hazy afternoons, and evenings too.
Though I knew not what ears were,
my unmolded folds of pink flesh desired to hear...
the song of mourning doves.
Cooing a melody of praise to the spring rains
backed up by a symphony of field crickets.
To hear the flowing of rivers, and the flowing of seas,
newborn infant cries, and....
your voice softly calling my name.
You did,
and broke through the vast and total silence
of my eternal midnight encompassed womb
Extolling tales to me of love eternal
Telling me tales of fairies and knights and slaying of dragons.
Of roses...
ants and bees visiting this master of words.
I shivered.
I shook from the intensity of my want to be born. To be created.
I stretched my limbs and felt my form come into being.
I stole the images from inside your heart, from inside your dreams,
Fair skin, slender fingers, fire for hair, and emeralds for eyes.
You felt the burn,
to the left of your ribcage.
You reached down and plucked
one slim bone from the cage encompassing your heart.
You lay it on the bed and whispered... "Be!"
The sharp surge
of razor sharp tingles that ran through my flesh as I came into being.
You leaned down and ever so softly kissed my newborn lips,
breathing life's breath into my lungs and starting the thunder in my heart.
The brilliant light that blinded me as I slowly opened my eyes to love,
to you, my creator.
And you smiled,
and it was good.
Counting Reasons
You lie next to my nude form,
on the cool white sheet of the bed.
You start counting slowly the small brown sugar spots
that speckle my skin. I look down at you quizzically
and ask, "What are you doing?"
Such a wicked little grin dances across your face
as you answer matter-of-factly, "I am counting reasons."
Frowning I say,
"Reasons for what my dear?"
"Reasons to love you," is your response.
I have to laugh at this logic of yours,
and as is my way, quiz you further,
"And what do you do when you run out of freckles?
Are you then out of reasons to love me?"
The utter disheveled look on your face is comical. You answer...
"Then I count stars, as many are in the heavens.
Then I count raindrops, enough to fill oceans.
Then butterflies, ladybugs, bumblebees, and flower petals!"
This brings giggles and smiles in huge doses from me.
When I finally calm down
you look at a small freckle near the shoulder blade left side, and say,
"The tinkling of that laughter is this freckle right here,"
and you kiss it.
And the counting went on for... ever.
Heaven's Canopy
The day was cool and windy.
I shivered and nestled closer to him on the park bench.
He saw my discomfort and reached into the backpack by his feet,
pulling out a woolly, plaid blanket.
"Yay! A blanket!" I exclaimed in utter relief.
"This is no ordinary blanket," he whispered to me,
"This is a canopy of heaven."
I looked at him through narrowed eyes. A canopy of heaven???
He has lost his marbles. I shivered some more,
so he unfolded the blanket for me.
"Now close your eyes and do not open them till I say,"
he told me with a slight smile on his face.
I did as I was told and felt him cover our heads with the blanket.
Suddenly I could no longer feel the cold wind, nor hear it for that matter.
I felt sunshine on my skin, and heard birds singing.
He softly kissed my lips and said, "Open your eyes now love."
I did and saw not plaid overhead, but
blue skies, soft fluffy white clouds, and sunshine.
Birds were singing love songs to us. Indeed this was heaven.
And as we snuggled under our canopy of heaven,
people in the park must have thought us crazy.
Then, again, they did not know what we knew.
The Call
I held the small black box to my ear.
Moments before, I swear I heard from it...
the tinkling of fairies singing heavenly tunes of love.
I shook it fiercely, hoping to make the melodic sounds return,
then held it to my ear once more.
Straining to hear a sound... anything.
Had I gone mad?
Then again!
The shrill laughter of hummingbirds,
The mad humming of bees,
The soft flutter of feathers, flapping on angels' wings.
Yes, also the tinkling tunes of fairies singing to my heart.
I smiled and said, "Hello my love. I was waiting for you."
Memories In Stone
With just the tip of my fingernail
I traced the outline of your muscles
defining each of them as a sculptor would.
Like a Greek Goddess,
creating a work of art
which lay dormant in her soul for eons.
Arms, chest, abdomen, thighs...
no part of your body left untraced, untouched.
I looked up at you,
to see if you paid any regard to my actions.
Wondered if you would remember this moment,
this touch
when the passions of my flesh are absent from your side,
or would I be forgotten?
in days,
in months,
in years?
The look I saw in those caramel eyes said... never.
I wanted that moment to stay concrete in your mind.
as solid as marble,
as hard as Hera's heart.
I looked at your face,
so ruggedly handsome.
Like Greek Gods of the past.
I moved close enough to kiss your lips,
but did not.
Instead I used merely the tip
of my soft, wet tongue to trace the outline
of your face.
jaw,
chin,
neck.
You shivered,
sighed.
Finally I knew,
and tenderly bit your bottom lip,
kissing you with the ferocity of a wildfire out of control.
Years later, as we lay close to one another, you asked me...
"Remember when?..."
Smoke In My Eyes
Memories like smoke drift through the air.
I try to catch them,
and hold them close to my heart again,
but they slip through my fingers.
Like a whisper
soft, elusive.
Like love.
I tried to say I loved you,
But that smoke got in my eyes.
Saint Sane
I prayed to a God that didn't exist
He just lied.
And I went to heaven’s locked gates,
But just died.
And sinners are popes,
And the homeless are deity
But no one cares.
I discovered my clitoris is shaped like an ankh
So female of me.
And my hymen is a crucifix.
So crucified I’ll be.
And virginity is a farce
And loyalty is sparse
But who dares?
All the tears that I cried have frozen
A huge sheet of ice.
Then shattered into millions of shards
How they slice.
And pleasure is pain
So I’ll enjoy agony again
But no one knows.
Now some say I am as crazy as a loon
A straight jacket case.
And others think I am Saint Sane
No falsities to trace.
And my thoughts run amuck
And my brain’s all a mess
But no one cares,
No one dares,
No one knows.
Harlequin Smile
I smile like a carnival tune.
(a magic rune)
Covering the doubt and pain,
with grease-paint and a pasted-on grin.
(kind of a sin)
But if people dared to look,
or even cared to look,
what would they see?
(there is no magic in me)
Behind the antics of a clown,
(hides a frown)
and under the white face, red lips, black lines...
(do you see the signs?)
it is just a circus life beneath it all,
and I will put on my daily act,
juggle the bills,
tame the lions at the door,
and at the end of the day...
(I will wipe all the illusions away)
smile through tears.
Sit back now, and enjoy the show,
(it's for you, don't you know?)
as I wear this...
harlequin smile.
A Whisper
A whisper...
soft as a dove's feather,
can cut through the night.
Night, as thick as the black it encompasses,
hard as marble or stone.
It can slice its way through.
Like a knife
through fresh baked bread.
Straight into your heart.
A whisper...
can steal into your dreams.
Across time and matter, in a matter of time.
It eases in like a burglar...
swift and quiet.
Unseen, unheard.
Taking its prize
then stealing off into oblivion.
A whisper...
Can tear your soul to shreds.
With all the urgency of a thunderstorm,
or the gentleness of a kitten at play.
Strong as steel, though paper thin.
A whisper...
Can invade the deepest tombs of your heart.
Open doors long locked, hid away from prying eyes.
Leave its mark like the most secret of words
in a diary, under lock and key.
Discover things, feelings
even you did not know existed
deep inside your being.
A whisper can change your life,
can stir emotions,
can change fate.
A whisper, like the one you said to me
as I lay in your arms drifting off to sleep...
in a whisper,
I love you.
If... So Many Years Ago
If I took your hand
so many years ago,
would we still be walking
this broken road below?
Would we still be dancing
this dance so long and slow?
If I took your hand,
so many years ago?
If I'd felt your touch
so many dreams gone by,
would we still be singing
this sweet lover's lullaby?
Would I still be holding in
these tears I want to cry?
If I'd felt your touch,
so many dreams gone by?
If I'd tasted your lips,
so many kisses gone,
would I be singing other words
and praise awaking dawn?
Would my heart at last feel right
or wrong like times forgone?
If I'd tasted your lips,
so many kisses gone?
And as my night time lingers on
my heart does ponder so...
Would we still be in love now,
had we been... so many years ago?
Hurt
I saw the rose.
The single most beautiful flower
I had ever laid eyes on.
I went to pick it, keep it.
A thorn on its stem pricked my skin.
shedding my life's blood
in a crimson river down my hand.
The wound in my flesh did not hurt.
The blood creeping from my finger did not hurt.
But, seeing this beauty wilt
after I ripped it from its sanctuary...
was the worst pain I have ever known.
Memories Of Your Touch
Satin wrapped in leather.
The sensuality of years of unquenched desire
finally finding fodder for its flame.
Velvet and candle wax.
A smoothness that aches for release,
yearns for a canvas to paint its art.
Silk with the coarseness of rope.
Tying love in binds that seek no freedom.
Seeking freedom in love's binds. Confines.
Feathers with steel stems.
Soft and sensual, yet tough and strong.
A kiss, a caress, a grip, a shiver.
Leather and lace.
Fire and ice.
Silk and sandpaper.
Memories of...
Your touch.
I Saw You There
I saw you in the sun
Your flares catching my eye
Drawing me with terrific force
Casting shadows upon my existence
Casting light upon my night.
I saw you there...
in the sun.
I saw you in the moon
Your lunar beauty catching my heart
Causing the tides of my soul to rise and swell
Casting dark upon my blazing days
Chasing the burn from my fair flesh.
I saw you there...
in the moon.
I saw you in the rivers and the seas
Washing me in your warmth
Cleansing my essence, my being,
Carrying me downstream on a dream's whisper
Out to sea on a lover's kiss.
I saw you there...
in the rivers and the seas.
I saw you in the eagle's flight
Wings spread in undeniable freedom
Carrying my heart over mountains and forests,
Taking me to the summit, and then carrying me down
To your nest, to your home, to your heart.
I saw you there...
in the eagle's flight.
I saw you in the firefly's dance
Twinkling secret messages to me
Of love unending, of wildflowers bloom,
Of the fiery light of eternal love that consumed you
As you consume me.
I saw you there...
in the firefly's dance.
I saw you reflecting in my eyes
As you caressed my face and stroked my hair
Whispering sweet words of forever and ever
I saw you flare with colors inside my iris
I saw you glow with heat like the sun's corona.
I saw you there...
reflecting in my eyes.
As I saw myself...
In the sun, in the moon,
The rivers and the seas,
The eagle's flight and the firefly's dance,
And finally... forever...
reflecting in your eyes...
Not All Prisons
Not all prisons have bars...
casting long trails of shadow upon the floors and walls,
Leaving their stain on your skin
as night becomes day
day becomes twilight
twilight becomes night
Black as the feelings in my veins.
Not all prisons are made of brick...
Some are made of ventricles and veins
Muscles and tendons
and course the crimson flow of life through their corridors
Not muggers, murderers, and thieves.
Not all prisons have guards...
Some rely on words, responsibilities, and games
to keep you held at bay in a place of disdain
Some have open doors, and smiles as false as a Mardi Gras mask
A facade, within a facade, within a facade...
Not all prisons are real...
Some just seem so real, as to make you wonder
if the sandman is playing a cruel dreamer's joke on you
Like cotton candy, melting away
at the touch of the warmest of fingers.
But what if that touch never comes?
Then, that prison is as real
as the harsh words spoken
as the whispers unanswered
as the tears cried in vain...
as me
Arbor Dance
Low hanging tree limbs
from the oak in my yard
Dance and sway in the summer breeze
like a ballet goddess
swan dancing for the first time
Jade and emerald leaves
mimicking tulle tu-tu's
flowing with every movement
hugging invisible curves
Watching this surrealistic dance
every pirouette, every Grand Jeté
luring me into the story it tells
One of softness, one of nature
but most of all one of rebirth
as the dead foliage of the previous seasons
falls to the ground before it
like an audience's homage, and rose petal dreams
I wonder how it is that a tree
can die, be reborn, die, be reborn
and I only know how to die,
as I am entranced by this arbor dance
Milemarkers... An Anniversary
I remember...
The first time we spoke
crackling noises and static of the phone lines
The sweetness of your voice
tone, inflection, everything underlying it
I remember...
when our eyes first met
The honey brown melding with emerald green
making a new color that even sunsets envied
soft, sensual, laden with all the passion of stars
We have walked down this road
over bumps, gullies, and hills
Through the storms of life
furies of fate
Upon reaching a milemarker
we stop to catch our breath
looking back at how far we have come
the distances we have crossed, and survived
I ask, "Do we continue?"
You take my hand
You take the first step
looking forward
Then I know the answer is not no
It is not yes
it is... forever
Jade Defiance
Defiance,
Jade as my eyes when my temper flares,
and my small fingers curl into fists
Headstrong,
My momma would say...
"Don't flash those green dragon scales at me"
For when I feel justice is not served,
or wrong has been done to me, and mine,
When I feel that I should not be held down...
restrained...
tethered...
hobbled....
controlled...
bottled up...
tied down...
and forced into reticence
My jade,
could burn a hole in society
and all of its glass ideals
that break when handled, and inspected
by my small hands
that have curled into fists of defiant rage
Tear Dancer
Tiny liquid ballet dancer,
born from tear duct, left of eye,
Born of sadness, little prancer,
pirouettes, the tears I cry.
Slowly swim in salty blindness,
tiny liquid ballet dancer,
Spin a trail down my cheek's kindness,
born of sadness, little prancer.
Breathless
Floating swiftly.
I need to find my way to you,
my home, my heart, my peace.
I caught a ride on a breeze, on a strong southward current
across land, sea, time.
I felt the coolness of the forests moistening me with its pine and oak vapors,
I felt the blistering heat of the desert... dry as the bark on the mesquite trees,
Listless as a spinster's dreams and wishes for love.
I felt the humidity of the sea as the gulls squawked and cawed past me in a hurry to find land and
whatever feast they could scavenge.
Then I saw you.
Lying in a field of low grass... daydreaming of love.
I saw your skin, a treasure to the senses,
I saw your hands and longed to be your lover, caressed by them in passion,
I saw your eyes, closed now in reflective contemplation, and wished to drown in their syrupy brown
hues.
I was close, so close I could feel your hot breath on me, mingling in me.
I heard you stir, roll, and claimed my chance at intrusion as you inhaled!
Through your mouth, into your lungs.
The long torrid journey through the blood stream
till at last my final destination was in sight...
As I nestled into the fibers of your heart,
and heard it beating wildly as you lay dreaming,
I knew that at last I was home.
Blue Jean Ballerina
Ragged blue jeans, grass stains, frays,
Have seen many softball days,
Pony tailed or just unfurled,
Never primped or preened or curled.
She steals third, slides into base,
Sport skinned knees, small freckled face,
Talks like boys, keeps girlish charms,
Coldest hearts she just disarms.
Yet each week, three days and nights
Sheds the tomboy, wears pink tights
Smiling bright, her feet a twirl,
Dancing swan, sweet little girl.
Parents' pride, friends' happy jeers
(think Chopin with young boys' ears)...
She's a bird, on stage a queen,
Blue jean ballerina's dream.
Definition
I lay on my back in the flower field,
our flower field,
awaiting your touch... and dozed.
Softly, the heat of your breath on my skin awakened me.
Tender kisses, soft on my neck
Blazing my soul.
I looked up at the sky for long moments... silent.
"What do you gaze at, love?" you asked.
"Poet," my reply.
You smiled as you saw me staring at the setting sun.
Slowly the stars emerged, and I memorized as many as I could.
"What are you looking at now, love?" you asked again.
"Poet, my reply once more.
This game continued through the night...
Fireflies... poet. Moon... poet. Shooting stars... poet. Soft gray clouds... poet. Rising sun... poet.
You did not tire of my eternal moonlight musing, just smiled at my redundant answer of... poet.
Finally my eyes drooped, my breathing grew steady, and you leaned in close to see if I slept.
Eyes fluttered, and a smile played on my face. You returned it with your own sweet grin, and asked me
again, as I looked into your soul what it was I saw.
"Love," was my reply as I slipped into your arms and a blissful sleep.
'Acious
Curvaceous...
My body is not so slim,
nor my waistline small and trim,
my buttocks not so firm and flat
But, what I do possess, nicely fills out my dress.
I am curvy, and quite proud of that.
Audacious...
Now that's just what you may be thinking
of my smiling, and of my winking,
or the smug look that often graces my face,
Please there's no alarm with my style and charm,
I was raised with a certain inner grace.
Tenacious...
Sometimes is the flavor of my way
in all that I do and in all that I say.
Do you think that you have figured me out?
Don't be concerned by what I do, it's nothing to do with you,
Don't worry man, I know what I'm about.
Curvaceous, audacious, tenacious... me.
Eternally
Fingertips
tracing small designs on my bare back.
Flowers blooming,
calling to the desire of bumblebees, and butterflies.
Rainbows, sun rays, and clouds.
I laughed... "That tickles!"
Fingerprints
tracing letters of long forgotten civilizations
on my bare stomach.
Tome, after tome of desire's rituals,
of desire's secret languages.
Forget-me-not's, and I love you's,
all scribbled with the moisture of kisses.
I smiled... "That tingles!"
Eternity
Drawing forgotten murals on my heart.
Time, so brief, mocking us in our efforts to keep moments of bliss
trapped, captive, ours for all of eternity.
Image, after sweet image.
Making the greatest of artist envious of our paintings.
Perspiration, pheromones, love.
Eyes closed, softly I moaned... "I love you."
And eternity hides in shame from what it finally realizes...
it cannot sunder us.
Squaw
(For mom)
Born on her native people's land,
A drab existence less then grand,
Tan skinned, a cherub soft cheeked child
Coal black of hair, brown eyes beguiled ,
She was a squaw.
Her mother passed and then, alas,
Adopted into whites, the lass
Was daily taunted, cruelly teased,
The brand new parents never pleased,
She was a squaw.
When Lennon sang his songs of peace
She sought in love her soul's release,
Her youth about to end its days
And still a woman wild of ways,
She was a squaw.
At last a mother, full of pride
Her life an ever crazy ride
Carried a baby on her hip,
Spoke up her mind, gave people lip,
She was a squaw.
The ebony has now gone grey,
Her health has seen a better day,
I still see pride inside her eyes
That of her people, old and wise...
She is a squaw.
Goodbye To...
Goodbye to...
Pain....
Fiery lakes in the depths of hell's heart
Full of lies and half truths that rip at the skin,
tearing off pieces and chunks of the soul
of the heart
of the mind.
Piece...
by piece...
by piece.
Muscle, tendon and bone,
crushed and defeated.
Gone like tears that have fallen
hungrily devoured by an earth
as dry as my soul.
Goodbye to
Kisses...
love...
sanity.
Goodbye to you
goodbye to pain.
Anniversary
I fell asleep in springtime's shade,
In lair of old oak branches laid,
The sun went down and moonlight beamed,
And then I dreamed, so deep, I dreamed.
So soft... I thought your kiss's swish
Upon my eyelids placed a wish,
But no, what danced upon my eyes
Was not your lips but butterflies.
The flowers made a bed for me,
Red roses... daisies... potpourri,
And bumblebees in softest sighs
Buzzed in my ears sweet lullabies.
And as I slept the seasons changed,
And constellations rearranged,
Just dreaming on, with not a care
In summer's honeysuckle air.
I dreamt your touch upon my skin,
I dreamt your song, a whisper thin,
I dreamt your love... that mighty oak,
While sighs old burning embers stoke.
The summer leaves change brown and red,
And flowers' petals start to shed,
And butterflies and bumblebees,
Prepare for autumn's chilling breeze,
The winter's just beyond the bend,
And still I dream of love no end,
The drought in skin... the tangled hair...
I slept, I dreamt with not a care.
Then soft and white the snowflakes fell,
Then froze my flesh, then froze my hell
And if you wondered - where's my love?
In dreams I hid... beneath... above...
*
A springtime's promised kiss to you
In shades of green and love brand new,
Then gone was I into the fray
To seek old dreams through night and day.
And still you waited for my kiss
In rhyming words of lover's bliss
Through summer seeking my return
As in your chest desires burn.
Then autumn's come and autumn's gone
Your tears as sad as parting dawn,
So desperate to see my eyes
You wandered earth, you wandered skies.
Cold winter found you tired, weak,
Your face so pale, your spirits bleak,
Beneath the oak, the sighing tree,
You lay to sleep till springtime be.
When... hidden there, in grass knee deep
And lost in dreams and peaceful sleep
You find your maid with eyes jade green
Awaiting... how long has it been?
A year of seasons come and gone,
A year of sunset chasing dawn...
You ached to touch my frozen skin
So scared my frozen kiss to glean.
You softly kissed my pale pink lips,
And softer yet my fingers' tips,
Then whispered gently loving words
Which pierced my sleep like singing birds.
I opened eyes to spring's delight,
I opened eyes to marvel's sight,
A love I dreamt one year too long
Now crushes me in muscled song.
And now we lie in heaven's bed
And bathe in tears we ever shed,
The dream once lost now found again
Will never end, and love does reign.
Melody
Each day I wait to hear your song
My life was just an empty street
And now I'll wait a whole night long
To hear your melody so sweet...
How could this love be ever wrong?
Each night I dream my wish for you
My life's a long and broken road
And now I'll wait a whole night through
To hold your sweet poetic ode...
How anything but this will do?
Oh, dreams I dream of dreams of you
and dreams I dream you dream for me
And when my day is all but through
your words will play my symphony.
Oh, love I love your loving touch
as satin words play on my skin
And when my day's just been too much
I hunger for your song and sin.
Each morning singing mockingbirds
Tell verses left from night before
My life you filled and now your words
Tell me of loves from times of yore...
Of shining knights and soaring herds.
Each day I wait to hear your song
My life was just an empty street
And now I'll wait a whole night long
To hear your melody so sweet...
Oh, yes... I know, this love's not wrong.
And then I hear your melody.
It's A Beautiful Night Outside
It's a beautiful night outside.
As the sky throws down a blanket of stars
and they shine and shimmer brightly
twinkling a tune, seemingly just for me...
My spirit is calm, because it's a beautiful night.
It's a beautiful night outside.
The crickets rubbing their legs together
sprinkling the air with such a lovely melody,
the song they are playing a special tune...
My soul's at peace, because they sing just for me.
It's a beautiful night outside.
The moon is smiling like a fairy child
Grinning for me a sweet symphony,
One of magic and love, of baby soft sighs...
My heart's at rest in these soft lullabies.
It's a beautiful night outside.
As the soft wet grass beneath my feet
Comforts my body, my mind, and my soul,
Swaying in the springtime breeze so softly...
My mind finally rests, as I lie beneath the trees.
*
And the stars are glimmering,
as crickets croon,
And the light is shimmering,
as grass weds moon,
My soul is rested, and at ease,
Because it's a beautiful night outside,
And I am finally at peace.
Metamorphosis
Worm?
Slug?
Caterpillar?
Yes...
a fuzzy, small, insignificant caterpillar.
Creeping its way through life,
unwanted, unseen.
Chrysalis...
Erupting with the brilliance of rainbows
Of kaleidoscope skies.
Of Aurora Borealis.
Of you.
Beauty?
Radiance?
Butterfly?
Yes...
A human once lost in low self esteem,
bursting free of their societal cocoon
At last seeing the truth that even the Mona Lisa is art
Even her "not just right grin", is beautiful.
Caterpillar,
Chrysalis,
Butterfly,
Beauty,
YOU
Mollusks
My walls,
white crustaceous pieces of protection.
I hid inside them for years, and years, and years.
My walls...
my safety.
Ever so often I would peek out,
see happiness, joy, tenderness, and steal a small grain.
Dragging it back into my carapace,
hiding it... hording it... spinning it in my dreams,
till one day a small bundle of hope...
my pearl.
The tides moved in, and out again,
Washing me ashore, only to have a brute pry open my husk,
my wall, and steal my treasure from my grasp.
The tides moved in, and out again.
I am adrift once more.
Time plays tricks on the mind when you close yourself off,
and I lost track of how many pearls had been stolen, taken.
Ten? Forty? One hundred...?
Strand after strand after strand.
Each nacreous bead guarded protectively,
each taken from me with no regard to my loss.
One last one.
Scribed with words... hopes... wishes.
Silvery opalescence.
I wrapped myself about it, keeping it safe.
Every now and then peeking out into the world,
only to retreat into my shell again... safe.
One day I peeked out, and saw...
you peeking in.
Scared I snapped my walls shut... and hid.
Waited centuries it seemed,
then peeked out.
There you were, waiting, peeking in at me again.
Reluctantly I spoke to you...
"Did you come to steal my pearl?"
"No my love, I came to offer you mine", was your answer.
Hand extended in offering.
I saw the ivory treasure... and smiled.
Now we live in protective walls,
as the tides are moving in, and out again.
Stay
As Springtime glory greets the day
Like lovers young at heart and play
And whippoorwills wed daffodils,
In drying ink... stay lover, stay
As Summer bakes the drying clay
Apollo shares his golden ray
And night time skies blink diamond eyes,
In whispers soft... stay lover, stay
As Autumn hosts a bright soiree
Life's ships are docking at the quay
And solstice air breaths cool and fair,
In pleading eyes... stay lover, stay
As Winter comes, so bleak and gray
The seasons bashfully obey
And lay to rest depths snowy crest,
A lullaby whispers I... stay
A Breeze Called Could Have Been
I held a moment in the palm of my hand
fingers relaxed
Afraid to crush its very existence,
to squeeze the magic from the memory
and lose what is left of you
I loosen my grip,
turn my hand,
and watch as the photograph
falls slowly to the ground
And that moment is lost forever on
"a breeze called could have been"
Lamented
Just as my moon's silver beams have shined
I had to dig way down deep to find
That place in me, where lullabies sleep
and it was indeed deep
Lover please feel free to use my bone and skin
to hide all your secrets within
No one will ever see, except maybe for me
but, we both know how that can be
And when Romeo met Juliet, was she his dream?
Or was her beauty really just a part of her scheme?
Don't answer, no... hush
I don't want to lose this rush
just let this fairy tale carry us on its wing
If I close my eyes, I can forget life's lies
because you came along and chased them away
So please stay
Because if you go, then I will know
this was nothing more than another daydream
and I lamented my soul for nothing,
but hope
Solitary Light
Grandiose, lost in a blanket of
harsh cold as the ice that covers life
in blistering frozen kisses
yet through it all...
a light
And winter howls like an old crone
in banshee whispers lost on the wind
stripping everything of warmth
yet through it all...
a light
Sadness soaking limbs and boughs
in this brief season of sorrow
Stealing into every root, every fiber,
and still, through it all...
a solitary light
you
Righteous Reflections
All the lullaby sweetness
from the mouths of Gods
Is merely fodder
for the self righteous moths of the mind
In queen like manner
they smite the wicked
forgetting the most intolerable of all sinners
and of all sins,
haters and bigots,
hatred and bigotry
because they refuse to see
their own biased reflection
when they peer into that self righteous mirror
Journey Long
I passed through forests bright and green
Still glowing under morning's sheen
As far as I could send my eye
The greenery caressed the sky
In awe I sighed, then shed one tear...
I miss you dear
I passed vast golden fields and plains
Still gleaming wet, just kissed by rains,
As far as mind foresees or knows
The wild hayseed wanders and grows,
Exhaled, then tears my eyes did meet...
I miss you sweet
I passed the mountains, Glory be!
Such majesty a sight to see
From far to wide on wind's guitars
Their peaks were serenading stars
Short gasp, then tears with raindrops blend...
I miss you friend
I passed the desert hot and dry
Where rainbow sunsets paint the sky
And endless is the canyons view
Each sunrise hands of angels drew
Speechless, closed my eyes and knew...
I miss you true
Night Kiss
As night settles slowly
I am left in this emptiness, this void
Dangling from the string of unfulfilled dreams
Hanging above the myriad of all that has been,
And will one day be
When the blackness
finally wraps me in her cool embrace
and gently kisses my soul,
I see millions of stars explode into oblivion
and dream
The Cat, The Dog, The Mouse
I see the morning rising slow
Like a scrawny alley cat,
Stretching limbs, then to then fro
Across my desert Shangri-la
In her wake an orange glow
As night then hides, from growling low
She scales the valleys, mountain walls
Behind her trails of faint cat calls
I see the morning rising slow.
I see the day which breaks the sky
Like an old flea-bit hound dog,
Chasing shadows, low and high
Across my desert Shangri-la
In his wake a blazing sigh
The cat he’s chasing on the fly
He runs through canyons, desert plains
His howling end of daytime claims
I see the day which breaks the sky.
I see the night so lazy creeps
Like a timid door-shy mouse,
Sneaking’ in, way water seeps
Across my desert Shangri-la
Through his hues wild color peeps
As then behind the dog it sneaks
Prowling plateaus of peoples old
And squeaking in the sunset bold
I see the night so lazy creeps.
Parchment
Her skin is grey
Old as parchment
Look close now
close
See the tales therein?
One of peoples without churches
dancing round the fires light,
One of callous Catholics, scorn in their blood
blood not her own, in her veins unsown,
One of southern comfort, uncomforting
and the man with fists unrelenting,
One of courting the devil, raising his young (and hers)
and how lies float heavy in the air like peregrinating clouds,
One of desert dust, thick as thieves stealing her baby’s breaths
and heaven is as brown as the hard pan for her.
Absolute in her convictions
Pain bears no weight
Life is a wait
waiting
Her skin is grey
Old as parchment
Read her story now…
read
Worth
Do you think that a woman's worth lies In the buds of her breast
Or the beat in her chest,
In the depth of her eyes
Or the V of her thighs?
In her silken, shaved calves,
In her wants, or her haves?
In the wave of her hair?
In her skin soft and fair?
In the spark of her eye
Or her lust’s ridden sigh?
In the young that she carried
Or the secrets she’s buried?
In her skin, in her bone,
Or her fragrant cologne?
Or the touch of her hand
Be she fair, be she tanned,
In her soft, sexy speech,
In the length of her reach,
In the how she loves strong,
In her right, in her wrong?
Is this where you think her worth lies?
Well,
you are halfway right anyway...
Savory
Like bittersweet wine on my quivering lips,
Like the fruit of the earth within my hefty hips,
This face that could launch a all of thousand dream ships
Savory
Like dew kissing grass, or like late winter’s morn,
Or like scent on the skin of a baby newborn,
A life’s plenitude passing by without scorn
Savory
Like of love, oh so true, after hate’s evil drought
And of languid wet dreams in the seasons of doubt
And the speaking of words with a smidgen of clout
Savory
Corn silk
(For Tony)
His eyes were
small and grey
Like the not so silver linings
of all of my life's clouds
And his skin,
oh so soft and
smelled fresh
Like a breeze
in spring
Best of all
That corn silk hair
Slight in curl
fair
But babies grow...
they change
he changed
His eyes
are now brown
as the elder oak bark
And that skin,
well,
it is fresh
only now and then
As for that corn silk
it has gone nappy,
coarse, and frizzed
But his smile,
melts my heart
still
Sonora
Hard pan…
Her skin cracked and aged
Yet in the lines,
the crevices, is…
beauty
She is timeless, ageless
Older than the era of birth, and rebirth
She is the seed of spring, and the elder tree all at once
Your lover, mother, sister, daughter
She is bounty, in a land of desolation
She is desperation, in a time of hope
Hard pan
The pieces of a puzzle unsolved
She is the young woman, guised as the old lady
She whispers in the tongue of the quail
Cries in the heart of the lone coyote
She is nature, she is beauty, she is my desert
Sonora
Regret
Thick as the sap from maple trees
or the mud in half dry creek beds
A black river that rises and swells
in monsoonal glory
Taking over the embankment
that keeps you safe from truth,
if the truth is that you
wish upon a never was
I could have been happy if…
Words spoken by failed hearts,
By guilt over rust caused by tears,
caused by a never could have been
situation
Regret…
May we never swim in its murky ways
but I did,
When you squeezed me
I did
Unfolded
I unfolded in your palm
like the early spring Magnolia bud
blooming
Seeking your fingertips
to curl around my petals
now full and ripe
with honey sweet nectar
waiting to be plucked
in love-me, love-me-not fashion
My dew slid down your wrist
as you pulled that last petal
with ease
Inner Child
I looked at you
cherub faced
With the innocence of who I was
at seven
before a man forced
me to hide that sweetness
(I thought forever)
The child in me
kind and gentle
crept through the flesh of the woman
shy
timid
scared
Ready to return to that secret hiding place
at the slightest hint of danger
but,
you smiled
touched my cheek
and declared me beautiful
childlike
Now I do not know any other way
to look at you
Chambers
Take my hand now
lead me through the secret chambers of your heart
where you hide childhood memories
and the precious things
one keeps forever
Show me your kindergarten guises
and those wild boy ways
play with me
as the children we never got to be
together
Take my hand
and show me the parts of you I missed
before we die
Drop Of Envy
Time,
the tiny grains of memory
that run through our fingers
passing seconds, minutes, hours
till all oblivion runs out
I caught one as it fell
from your fingertips
looked at it closely
so closely
and saw there the memory
of your first kiss
I envied her lips
young and pink
slightly puckered
as if tasting a lemon coated in sugar
I dropped that grain
and cried
Unbeckoned
You come to me
like a spring breeze
unbeckoned
Whispering soft now
my ear bent by
your silver tongue
and I go to you
like Autumn leaves
dead upon the wind
because you came to me
a spring breeze
unbeckoned
Sun Burnt
Red
as a crab’s backside
tender, and hot
How could I forget this desert sun
searing
and the way it burns my flesh
from white, to pink
pink to red
red to peeling?
Sun burnt
how my heart felt
when I had to say goodbye
Dreamer's Grace
You lay them ever neatly
cross the satin and the lace
Tender, so sweet your kisses
light upon my pillows case
And as the night draws upon me
I drift so light and heady
and see the sandman dancing
in moonlight growing steady
They lay ever so neatly
softly upon my dreamer’s skin
kisses from my lover’s lips
holding all his dreams within
I close my eyes and see him
dancing in the sandman's place
My prince, my dream, my lover
Locks me in his dreamer's grace
How
How do you mourn something that never was?
Something that never came into existence, never graced your life.
Something gentle and sweet,
Melancholy as a whippoorwill song,
Tender as a spring sunset.
How do you grieve something unattainable?
Like cool rain on a hot day, that never touches your skin.
Like the fluffy white cumulus of a fresh cloud.
Like a newborn breathing in the crisp air of an early April morn,
Like the beckoning of death, welcomed.
How?
You paint it visceral, with all the pain in you.
You slide it in a bottle, and throw it out to sea.
You hide it in a closet, lock the door, and never open it again.
or,
You greet that beckoning call of death
welcomed
Dead Leaf
Stem,
The support that once held steel
That made it seem as though through all eternity it could withstand
Everything, now no more that a brittle stick
Apex,
Dried and withered as a ninety year old woman's hands
After working her whole life,
Merely to become a shell of who she once was
Veins,
They carried nourishment, the very source of existence
Rivers of life through a bright green land
Now empty, encasing nothing but dreams of long ago days
Spring is lost, and the leaves have all dried up
Loss
That weight
In your lungs
That no matter how hard
You exhale
It stays
The invisible
Clinging
In the back of your throat
That gallons of sympathy
Cannot wash down
It’s stuck
Those missed kisses
Linger on salty lips
That have bathed
In tears
In sorrow
And apathy takes over
It cries
Till one day
You awake
And wonder what you lost
Searching drawers, cupboards, closets
And just when relief is in sight
A scent
A sound
A smile…
And the sky
Falls upon you
Crushing life from those heavy lungs
Mourning Unspoken
The simplicity of words
And the human hunger to have them
Written, spoken, heard, tasted…
Unraveled in my hands
Like the tiny threads from a baby blanket
No longer needed
Whispers are but a tease
Taunting that desire, to have
A sensual beckoning of the soul
Forgotten after the words pass the lips
Like a cat’s hiss
A momentary bliss
I will just sit, and rock
With empty arms, empty hands,
empty hopes and dreams
And mourn my forgotten losses
Merely to drown in the tears
That I cannot shed
Bittersweet Homages
Kisses wither like a rose
Words are lost inside the prose
Vows, they melt like fading day
And yet, I stay
Lies, like ivy, cling to me
Hurt, despair, so deep the sea
Anger, ridden like a horse
Still, I’m on course
Lover’s touches, made of mist
Springtime’s just a passing tryst
Words unsaid cut like a knife
I’m trapped in life
“Once upon”…has never been
Happiness remains unseen
Yet I stride, and I go on
Till I am gone
Flickering
Love
like a candle that dances and shimmers
with each exhaled breath, with each sigh
nearly extinguishing light from time to time
I screamed from pain, overbearing pain
and the breath, like a torrent storm
blew the flames to a flickering dim
But
It stilled, and shadows danced in joy
as the golden flames rose once more
strong as all the fires in Hades’ imagination
Love
The Supplication Of February And May
In February
Buried in supplication
I inspected you
Tiny toes, on tiny feet
One through five, twice over
Two arms, two legs, anatomically correct
Tiny fingers on tiny hands
Thumb through pinkie, twice over
The small patch of dark hair
Tufted as a baby goose
And the smell,
So new, so fresh
But your eyes held a blank stare
And I could not see your forever in them
As I baptized your pallid face in salt
In February we met
and parted, and
I lost my God
*
In May
Buried in supplication
I inspected you
Tiny toes on tiny feet
One through five, twice over
Two arms, two legs, anatomically correct
Tiny fingers on tiny hands
Thumb through pinkie, twice over
The wild patch of dark curls
Like infantile waves lapping the shore, your brow
And that smell…
Baby powder and kisses
New
And in your eyes
I got lost in forever, and ever, and ever…
As I baptized your crying face
in a salty love, joy
In May we met
you stayed
I found some faith
Beautiful
Hey girl
I see you standing there alone,
drink in hand
hair and makeup all done
looking like you are made of stone
Watching others laugh and shout
As if they know what life’s about
You see them dancing-having fun
(does it make you wanna run?)
In this club, or maybe a bar
Let them think they are the star
But I see beyond your frown and pout
Alone, you had the courage to come out
Though you are not dancing,
Or acting a fool…
I see you girl
You are beautiful
Hey girl
High school lunch time
You sit all alone… writing poetry
No one will ever see
You don’t wanna be a drone
So the cheer leading squad, the preps and the mods
Call you a geek, or a freak
Still you dare to shine
While all they do is bitch and whine
Cause mom and dad won’t buy them foreign sports cars
(but American made instead)
As you wear thrift store bargains
They parade polo, and are Tommy Hilfiger clones
But I see you girl
Strong enough, proud enough, to eat lunch all alone
I see you as bright, not dull…
And you are beautiful
Hey girl
Single mom
With the worries, and the woes
No man can bear to withstand
You have nothing but the eager faces of your kids
To help you stand and lend a hand
Nights are lonely, and days are hectic
Yet you trod on… bagged lunch, empty bank account; you just accept it
I see the beauty,
Not that you used to be, but are
Kissing boo boos, washing dishes, paying bills
(seems life has lost its thrills)
And though your clothes are wearing thin, your kids' are not
Sacrifice is a mothers gift, comes with the afterbirth, it's all you've got
Times come when you look in the mirror and wonder
Exactly what you’ve become
I see you momma, as you your life you examine and mull…
And you are beautiful
She Cries
She awakens with the dawn,
breaking through the light
like a newborn child
being birthed
Stretching her limbs
towards the sun in
supplicated salutations
And the river flows by...
toxins, plastic bottles and beer cans
bags, glass, and the unwanted regard of mankind
She cries
To the east,
A mill spews its poisons
killing the air
The birds, the fish, the deer and the bear
She cries
To the north,
The lumber yards clear cut acre
upon acre, and the forests slowly disappear
Squirrels, rabbits, raccoons, and opossum are dying
She cries
To the west,
Cities are leaping up where once
a nearly magic glen once was
The concrete devours the moss as the smog suffocates souls
She cries
To the south,
The prey becomes the predator
so that rich women may sport the shorn furs
Of the mink, the chinchilla, the fox
She cries
As the sun sets
she curls into a shell of who she once was
dying like the day, and she cries…
mother nature cries
Devouring Doubt
I saw it in your eyes
Doubt
Rearing its head like a blazing stallion
Determined to kick me off its back
Into the depths of hell, loveless
I refused to go
Grabbing you tightly
I kissed you, my tongue plunging
Into the deepest parts of your soul
Wrapping vise-like around the doubting seed
Pulling it writhing from within you, against your will
Against your ability to deny me what is rightfully mine
I refused to give in
The mistrusting beast removed, with a final tug
It spewed forth in long ribbons of cursed words
Begging to be allowed back in, to be allowed to pollute you
And your thoughts and beliefs in me, in us
You looked at me in disbelief
I never gave up, couldn't give up
And devoured that beast, that sin
No more doubt, just love, just us
Sonvanger Memories
Carefully
I made holes, one on each end
in the colorful pieces of seaglass
Then, ran the string through
tying piece to piece, to piece
promises and dreams dangle in the breeze
This one is amber
like the words you spoke
warm
tender
so many amber kisses
And this one,
it is green, happy
how I felt with the dreams
of your touch
of your body fire
Here is red, passion
promises of passion run like a child
up and down the strand
lighting small fires, that will fizzle
dissipate
Blue
so many blue
tears, and tears, and tears...
These fragments of glass
that were once jagged and broken
like my dreams of us, and your promises
now smoothed by time
catch the sunrays on my porch
and hold them for me
A reminder in each memory
each word, each color
that friendship where there was love
is sunrays, where there was fire,
but
heat is heat
and memories are my
Sonvanger
Acoustic Change
Dreams
like leaves
acoustic
dance on the wind
in sun catchers' glint
sugar promises shine
like far off stars, like your eyes
and all the heaven that they held
now just memories in spring’s breeze
as seasons change, captured sun rays warm me
Demi
I saw you
flapping, field flowers
in demi fae dance
pirouettes
on petals, on light, on memories
Your gold, orange, red wings
blending with the season’s fallen leaves
on sweet grass gone to seed
A play
for my eyes, beguiled
lost in a symphony of color-light-color-motion
a song for love, for dawn, for life
where I can get lost in beauty
forget pain
hate
lies
Till one day
I shall join the butterfly dance
in Elysium fields
and dreams
a demi fae dance...
in a demi life
Extraordinary Simple
I do my own wash
and take out the trash
I iron (when I need a crease)
My house is plain, so is my hair
My nails are not done
and I wear my pajamas
half the day on weekends
I am simple,
I am plain,
I am average
I mow my own yard
and walk the dogs every day
I don't shop at Sachs (prefer the bargains at Wal-Mart)
I have never been to a day spa
and will never wear a fur coat
My cards all are at their limits
at least the ones that aren't maxed
I am unexceptional,
I am common,
I am natural
I throw water balloons at my kids
Play video games
Rent children’s movies (and often cry over them)
I don't go to the opera
or have season tickets to the ballet
I drink beer from the bottle,
not champagne from crystal glasses
I am elementary,
I am uncomplicated,
I am unpretentious
But...
Look harder, dig deeper, scrape the layers away
and I know that what you will see is...
I am extraordinary, simple, as can be
I am glimmer,
I am glamour,
I am me
I Will
I will be the one
to baptize your morning lips
kisses long and sweet.
And I will be
the last thing you taste
before drifting off to sleep.
I will hold your dreams
close to my beating chest
and offer you love’s screams
evening’s wild bliss
as your fantasies I mold.
I will walk beside you
long and weary
through life’s tiring journey
and hold your tired hand
as we head into the sunset
of years both gold and grand.
I will be the one
you confide all your troubles to
and dreams
and hopes
and prayers
and share my all with you.
I will speak in reverence
of your mom and dad
like kings and queens of valleys lost
of heaven’s promised land
for you...
I will do all this,
and more,
so much more...
May I Write For You?
May I write you poetry, a river’s width and length
Then douse it in my wanton tears and pour in it my strength,
To pen you sonnets Browning style and haiku’s short and sweet,
Then etherees penned tenderly, my words, my heart’s conceit?...
May I sing you lullabies and dirges of my soul,
Confide in you this love will be my life’s eternal stroll,
Then sing you tales of old, then tales of love, refreshing, new,
And as the night above me creeps, dream sweetest dreams of you?...
*
May I write my love and fire
brimming songs with heart’s desire,
May I pen my dreamland’s kisses
preying lust my body misses,
May I wish your dreams enlacing
ribbons ever mine embracing,
May I love you, keep you, rhyme
Nothing less than end of time?...
An Era 1945-1975
The detachment of limbs-souls-parental gen-ode sentiments
Torched like a draft card in Woodstock frenzy
Who foots the bill for the great "Charlie" hunt
agent orange and shell shock memories
that rewind-repeat-refrain from an antidote; and synonyms?
Dillon sang his dirges of the all American anti-commie
seventeen year old virgins in Ho Chi Min deathbeds
crossing Cambodia secrets carried to a grave
six feet deep and full of all he could have been, never will
Yet it's not a war man. No. It's a conflicting purge of a police action
A nation dies in blood battle pieces of men; of boys
and our anthem is sung in saliva slinging at uniforms
mucus running down stripes, screw the stars and raise the bars
Let them live in wheelchairs and PT SD fantasies
Get high, chant your antiwar mantra, and give peace a chance
Child Mine
(for my kids)
Delicate, I saw your pink skin
scented like carnation buds, and lilac
you are new, like spring
though my heart has held you since my birth
Innocent, like butterfly wings
your smile a swallowtail heaven
that gleams and shines and blinds the stars
envy of angels, so harsh compared to you
Bright, your gift of light
making the sun cringe in utter blindness
painfully hiding in shame from your glow
you are the rise, the setting, the glare of a million stars
Small, infinite giant in your minute stature
you enfold all of eternity in the delicacy of small fingers
playing a peek-a-boo game as you grasp hearts
small, not meek, my world encompassed - my child
Jericho Falling
Youth, as harsh as forty years of exile
Wandering the arid desert in the fortified thought
That one day happiness will be mine
Pain, hate, anger, hunger
The bricks that built the foundation of my walls
Mighty, reaching to the stars... to heavens
And the walls were started in a childhood of lost hopes
Folded dreams
Maturity as dry as papyrus scrolls
No sensitivity in the crisp whiteness so blank, so bleak
Awaiting the words of peace to be penned on nothing
Hurt, rape, sorrow, fear
The mortar and blocks that would solidify like concrete and keep me safe
Tower upon tower, hurt upon hurt; a fortress
And the walls were finished in the adult maturity of broken promises
Extinguished stars
Then you came
Liked Joshua with the promise of conquering the impregnable
Of taking the unshakable
Of having what is rightfully yours
Your trumpets blared in an angelic chorus of love love love
You circled, and watched, and waited
Days passed, and from the safety of my fortress
I wondered...
Your trumpets blared with the fire of passion and truth
You circled, and watched, and waited
Hours and minutes sifted through your hands like sand, and I shook
anticipating
Your trumpets blared with all the thunder of the mighty God of Mount Sinai
You circled, you watched, you waited
Then...
Reached over my barricades, through my barriers, and cried out in triumph,
as my walls crumbled
my fortress fell
my world disintegrated
my Jericho died
And love was what was gained
Requiem
She plucked the petal,
watched as it drifted slowly to the floor.
“Loves me”
The recent memory of the letter she had found
branded into the tender flesh of her brain,
positive... pregnancy... test...
not her own, but his mistake's, his lover’s.
“Loves me not”
The confrontation between them,
his declarations of unrelenting love to her,
the other woman’s tears and screams…
“Loves me”
Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months,
till a small weary faced baby boy
with his eyes
begged for a father.
Thunderous clap!
The police found the note, found the body, found the daisy
one blood stained petal still clinging precariously to its stamen
and an answer they could never see…
“Loves me not”
Variegated
You scratched the surface
layer, after layer, peeling away
hair, freckles, skin... muscle
digging, creeping, searching deep down
For what?
I bled, honey sweetness onto pages
my heart screaming words it never knew before
like an interpretation of my words, to yours
singing, screaming, crying... questioning
An answer?
Colors seeping from the wound
reds, greens, purples, blues...
you touched your finger to them
and painted a rainbow in my eyes
Love, unending love...
Aphrodite Tokens
Do you think you put the pride in my stride?
Or the pep in my step?
No, man...
They were mine before Adam ever knew Eve.
Do you think you wrote the words I have sung?
Filled the air in my lung?
No, sir...
I possessed them before the seconds hand of the clock ever spun.
I did not come from your rib,
But from my mother’s womb.
Brought into this world with her pain and her joy,
Her sweat and her tears.
It was a woman who gave me life,
Took this man's seed, and made it bloom.
Her blood is my sap, not the one of that chap.
Do you think you placed the goal in my soul?
Am I so wrong to be strong?
Hell no, brother...
I was who I am, before the stars ever shined!
Do you think my attitude is rude?
Do I offend because I won't pretend?
Sorry again my friend...
I am woman, I am mighty, mightier than Aphrodite
I am no token, can't you see?...
I am me.