Aphrodite Tokens Billie Jean Salas For my mother, Janice, who always gave me encouragement and paper. For my children; Jenica, Stephanie, Patricia, Anthony, and Cassandra, for giving me wings to fly, and the strength to use them. For My husband, Dom, for encouraging my dreams, and helping me vanquish my nightmares. For my sisters in heart and poetry; Jacki, Catressa, Venessa, Deena, Criss, and Savina, you gals made me smile when I thought smiles could not be found. For my friends; Brian, Wes, Cyndi, and J, who always knew “I could”, even when I thought “I couldn’t”. “ Mo shra le mo shrasa mise agus liomsa”. Foreword: in the darkest hours of night, in the sweetest rays of heaven’s sunrise, in the moments of silence in my soul where naught could be heard but my heartbeat, you were always there for me... words Table of Contents Woman Arise The Phoenix Falling Is Like This Day In The Necropolis Fly Heaven At Last Steam, Memories, And Tears Look Into My Eyes Lover's Dawn The Rose And The Daisy The Tear Meditating At The Beach Breathing My Passion Neverending… A Fairy Story Toenails In Dreams Oh Me... Oh My Gecko On The Coffee Shop Wall The Tear, The Sigh, The Kiss, The Goodbye Newborn Beauty Sunrays But For You And I have... So I will Seasons Yearning For Home Old Shoes Wishes Four Leaf Clover Couldn’t Help But Notice… Baby Dreams You Are… The Moth, The Whisper, The Butterfly The Old Oak… Me The Tapestry And I Smile… How Many Merely Dream Weaver Did You The Monster I Can’t Think Of Anything But You Waking Dreams Shadow Puppets Of Beauty And Rage In This Space Wait Steady Dim Infatuation Cycle Take Me Me Would You Embrace Sounds I Love You Ponder Chemo Lady Of The Mist The Beauty Of Loneliness Close Enough To Touch Did You Feel It? Friend Sterile White May I From A Distance Identity I Sigh Paper Doll Waiting Steam Lost Brevity Beckons Sparks: A Moment Captured Exhaled That Dance Closets Acquired (sequel to Wait) I Hug My Pillow Concerto I Talked To You Today Lullaby Perceptions Hope Chest A Life Alchemist Patriots Tourniquet Tattered No More Fly Little One Bliss In Your Eyes Healed Insidious Word Calliope Memory Desert Blooming Perfectly Cloudless Crimson Ribbon Wings Seeds Dandelion Kisses Love Me Not’s Echoes Leaves Eve Revisited Counting Reasons Heaven's Canopy The Call Memories In Stone Smoke In My Eyes Saint Sane Harlequin Smile A Whisper If... So Many Years Ago Hurt Memories Of Your Touch I Saw You There Not All Prisons Arbor Dance Milemarkers... An Anniversary Jade Defiance Tear Dancer Breathless Blue Jean Ballerina Definition ‘Acious Eternally Squaw Goodbye To... Anniversary Melody It's A Beautiful Night Outside Metamorphosis Mollusks Stay A Breeze Called Could Have Been Lamented Solitary Light Righteous Reflections Journey Long Night Kiss The Cat, The Dog, The Mouse Parchment Worth Savory Corn Silk Sonora Regret Unfolded Inner Child Chambers Drop Of Envy Unbeckoned Sun Burnt Dreamer’s Grace How Dead Leaf Loss Mourning Unspoken Bittersweet Homages Flickering The Supplication Of February And May Beautiful She Cries Devouring Doubt Sonvanger Memories Acoustic Change Demi Extraordinary Simple I Will May I Write For You? An Era 1945-1975 Child Mine Jericho Falling Requiem Variegated Aphrodite Tokens Woman It's the red glow on my lips My varnished fingertips The way that I paint my face The daring look in my eyes The soft silk of my thighs My inner beauty and grace It's in the way that I smile My sophisticated style In all things I do, it shows The soft swell of my breast The stern beat in my chest The life in my belly that grows It's conceited you say Of how my hips sway As I walk about or dance I don't care for your snipe I am confidence ripe I possess it by choice, not by chance Arise The Phoenix Ensnared by entreating erosion's decay I loved Oh, I loved, Yearnings crumbling away, I wandered, I waded abandon and lust I bust Oh, I bust, Lost my faith and my trust, I faltered, I failed in a moment so brief My grief Oh, deep grief No respite, no relief, I teetered, I tripped, yet at sunset's approach I rose Oh, I rose, No more hate, no reproach, Let feelings depart as my sigh and my eye We cry Oh, sweet cry, I won't break, I won't die, From ashes I'll wake, foe to friend I will mend A friend, Oh, a friend... Clear my morrows impend... Falling Is Like This Like leaves slowly circling in warm summer seas, A gosling's soft feathers asleep in the breeze, Young love's sweet and tender first feathery kiss, I wonder in silence... is falling like this? As tender and soft as a baby's pink skin, Or wild and exotic like dancing in sin, As caressing mother's bewildering bliss, I wonder astounded... is falling like this? Like having your heart reading love in his eyes, Forgetting old hatreds, forgoing despise, Like seeing again a lost love you miss, I wonder, I ponder... is falling like this? * When he sleeps... I trace in my mind every line of his face, His arms are my castle, inside is my place, When we make love... I whisper... I love you inside every kiss, I know and I smile, because falling's like this... Day In The Necropolis Here I stand in necropolis dreary Where tombs are towers And souls are citizens, And I wander around reading Stories and carved biographies On stones of marble grey. Down the hill to the suburbs Looking at the grey picket fences Marking time and tale Of people old, of babies born Bare of life and angel winged Tiny souls with tiny tributes. I hear the voices of the dead Their cries of loneliness, sadness, Some lay here forgotten by all Where others wish to be Their slit wrists and bleeding tales Seeking silence and peace. As I start to leave I see The city of the dead stretching before me Like a painting by Bougeraeu. I see it, smell it, I hear a quote of Poe And wonder... will I move here soon? If I do, at least I will know my neighbors. Fly Fly away little blackbird of grief Take my pain rolled asleep in a leaf And bring back to my soul peace and love Stolen down from cold heavens above. Fly away little redbird of wrath Lose my anguish along on your path Grant me harmony fore you depart And serenity pour in my heart. Fly away little bluebird of blues Rip away my malignant old bruise Take away sorrows painting my life Let sweet joys shine through pain and through strife. Fly away little greybird of want Take all jealousy envy and taunt Seeds of confidence sow over me Grains of beauty inside me to see. Fly back home little whitebird of peace Gleaning smiles on your way without cease Fly back into my heart, in my mind Bless me love, joy and kindness entwined. Heaven At Last I lie by your side, our nest of love, Sunlight creeping slowly across your face Showing lines and creases From years of life, I listen to your breaths Slow, steady, Deep in dreams, Suddenly... a smile plays across your lips. I watch as you slowly wake up, One eye opens, Then the other, You see me staring at you absorbing your features And the smile turns shy Dancing on your mouth, Alluring and sweet Like wild flowers. We are trapped in that moment of silence, Staring into each other Into eyes and souls Into hearts Beyond heaven's gates. I fear to move, To break this spell To end this pure magic I have dreamed of For such long time, To have you To have love To have... heaven at last. Steam, Memories, and Tears I stand in the shower Steam billowing Around me Lathering up And rinsing off When... I smell it... The soap Smells of you Smells of your skin Your flesh As we cuddled After lovemaking. Soap, Cigarette smoke, Cologne, Sweat, And the scent of our lust All lingering On your skin. Now I am lost In that memory In that scent And the tears flow Down my face To mingle with the hot water And the steam As they slide down the drain Trying to find Their way to you. Will I ever hold you again? Will I ever kiss you again? Will I ever smell your scent again? I rest my head On the cold tiles wall In the shower As I sob Lost in Steam... Memories... And tears... Look Into My Eyes Look into my eyes The eyes of a discarded angel Green and jaded and jagged Like my soul. Look into my heart Tainted and marred by tragedy People meant to care Branding my soul. Look into my life Youth lost forever Taken and fed to The beasts under my bed. Look into my fate Crawling and fighting For my life The death verdict over my head. Look into my essence All I got brutality and hatred All I gave all I never got tenderness Drained and desiccated. Look into me See who I could have been The mother lover sister friend Look into the eyes of a lost soul. Lover's Dawn Sitting on the dew soaked grass I see the dawn, I feel the dawn Rising and starting a new day Re-creating time and its eternal essence, I see the pink and orange sky Caressing the softest clouds As a new mother holding and caressing Her newborn child, tender, precious, I see the sun cresting over the ridge Peeking timidly at the newly found day As a child would peek at Christmas gifts Under the sparkling lights of the tree, I see the sunlight in silver and gold Soft upon the leaves of the trees Like a lover's kiss before parting Its touch soft, gentle, I see dawn now for the first time, With an open heart, a lover's smile, And sensations deeper than ever tell me This is my dawn, my life, my new day... The Rose And The Daisy In a small country garden Where lilac vine grows There blooms in full beauty A solitaire rose. Its stem tough and sturdy Its thorns sharp at point Its petals bear fragrance Which angels anoint. It blooms bare of knowledge Of beauty in hold It grows never knowing That roses grow old. Alone in the garden Through life and through years The grace of its flower Met heaven's dew tears. Across, at the road's side In sand and in dirt A daisy finds shelter From sadness and hurt. No shade for her petal And dry is the dust But strong is her fiber And life is her lust. In words she reads splendor And love in the prose She stares in sheer wonder And... falls for the rose. The passionate beauty Of word and of soul The landscape of dreaming Her sanity stole. One day he leans closer And asks her... "Come near..." She whispers... "I'm rooted For always I fear..." His heart beating wildly The rose tears his bloom A petal he tosses... A smile for her gloom. She crawls and she stretches "Oh, may I request?..." She picks up the petal And cuddles to breast. A game... were they playing? One petal each day, Till one summer's evening... Just inches away. "Your bloom," she says, "bare is..." "I shed them for you..." "I wish I was worthy..." "Oh, yes, sweetest dew..." He said "I lost vision Of beauty in life You showed me the courage In bitterest strife," He said "Just to touch you, Your simple bouquet... I lured you with petals With prose... wish you'll stay..." His naked stem shivered, Her petals she shed... Asleep in the moonlight They share flowers' bed... The Tear I caught a tear today Small liquid mirror Of my soul I handed it to you You looked into it Said it was shallow Then wiped it off your hand It had been laden with my dreams Dreams of us together Dreams of a life with you A life filled with love So easy to destroy that world So easy to wipe it away Love comes easy for you Sadly it never has for me I want to crawl in that tear And drown... Meditating at The Beach Meditating at the beach People buzzing by Looking at me Strangely For seeking My inner peace While anguish Eats their souls And Lifeless holes Masquerade as eyes. Meditating at the beach The bugs biting Nipping Stinging The sun burning my fair skin Making it tender Like my heart I swat a mosquito Then seek my Chi Mantra Of me. Meditating at the beach Tourists flocking To get their tans In a bottle Flirting Looking for their case Of the clap No applause here Scanning the sand For tanned sacks of love Or maybe just instant Pheromones Easy to find As instant grits In this backward southern town. Meditating at the beach Dogs barking Jets flying overhead People arguing Gulls screaming Kids crying Music blaring its dull bass Yet I find my peace In this chaos While I Meditate at the beach. Breathing I inhale... Sharp and exhausting pains Burning through to the center Of my soul I exhale... And the weight increases Heavier then his lingering touch On my skin Breathing, being, living So painful That each tear burns my skin Maybe I should stop... And so will the pain My Passion You were always there With me Even before we met Much before. You were the shadow on the wall of my heart Rays of sun burning holes through you The breeze that blew softly on my skin Tantalizing and tickling Dreams dancing in my head As slumber suffocated me You were the wish Over freshly blown birthday candles The submission while On my knees The hope I clung to When dispirited Like a vine clings to walls and lattice. You were the pain in my belly Teasing thoughts Roaming freely in my mind The longing in my loins The short breaths while My fingers roamed and explored The desire The explosion of lust In my eyes While I imagined you Making love to me The one that gave Softness to my breasts and Hardness to my nipples Pink and pert You were the raspy whisper in my lung Waiting to escape with a moan With waves of passion washing over me My deep sigh... scream... You were... are... always will be... My passion... Neverending... A Fairy Story (for my children) Fairy small upon my hand Little magic grain of sand Smaller than a drop of blood Softer than a sleeping bud, Fairy sweet inside my eye Born inside a baby's sigh Neverending glory's tale Neverending glimmer's trail, Fairy coveting my dream Sowing magic in the stream Sparkling silver bead at play Ever through my night and day... * Now, my grownup's tired hand Holds just tiny specks of sand Gone is innocence of fae Left behind with childhood's play Now, with sweat inside my eyes Comes the time your magic dies Ends the timeless glory tale Dark's the glimmer long the trail, Now through night, and now through day No more frantic fairy play, Dried up are the magic streams Dried up like my childhood's dreams... * Growing, aging, losing wonder Grows the mind and dreams fall under, Grinds the trouble, ends your day, Lost are wonders of the fae. Loving, yearning, with no warning Breaks the night and wakes the morning, Baby's laughter lights the day Wishing for that fabled fae. Dreams of magic... blinking, fleeting, Butterflies' long wings start beating In my sudden sunny day I believe... I've seen you... fae... Toenails I cannot hold my head up The weight of my heart Drags it down Lower and lower Till all I can see Is my feet Painted toenails Soaking in the salt of tears Heartache ridden pedicure From pain and anger And bitterness Trying hard to look up To see the sky To see the sun To see joy Failing Looking at my toes Tear soaked Red painted white cherubs Wondering... How long till I see the sun again In Dreams In my dreams you hold my hand And walk with me as we travel on this path Of love and life... and death You were my friend and comrade through all Through the arrows and stones cast in life Through the nightmares that raped my reality Not always friends, yet... You always nurtured my body, mind, and soul Then lent me what wisdom you possessed More then just my mother, you were my heart Taught me that life can be pitiful and hard But it also can be beautiful and loving Yours was the greatest gift I have ever received The breath in my lungs, blood through my veins The ability to love and hate... and my daughters’ strong will Passed on by you... going through me... to them at last Three generations of women lost, but not weak You are my alpha and omega... my Mecca In your moment of weakness and need I will pray With all my of heart, soul, and spirit That illness will sunder you not in the slightest I will place tender kisses on your cheek and hold your hand As you did for me when I was a sick child Now let me feed back to your soul all you have imparted to me Blessed be my mother... friend... heart Find your strength or take mine And continue... in dreams Oh Me... Oh My Cool jazz music Hot summer breeze Both blowing light... Tropical Florida night Patio downtown Tequila jazz Smooth sunrise... Things the tourists Don't see or hear... "Oh me... Oh my" "Do I feel high" Stress floats away On musical notes With the scents... Of candle wax And cigarette smoke Perfume, and flowers... Friday panhandle night Clarinet... Bass... Drumbeat too... Jazz on the patio Moonlight in your eyes Oh me... Oh my Gecko On The Coffee shop Wall Gecko on the wall at the coffee shop Possibly seeking a caffeine fix Java mocha latte blend For my smooth skinned friend Perhaps he is here to listen To the humans' idle chatter Rolling his eyes over Our pointless prattle and existence Or seeking the cool breeze Of electric fans and tropical wind Feeling it on his speckled flesh As he slides along the patio wall Perhaps it's the jazz music That is drawing him near He longs to dance rhythmically Like the humans he loathes Tonight sitting here relaxing Spending time with my daughter And my cup, and pen... wishing I could be the gecko on the coffee shop wall The Tear, The Sigh, The Kiss, The Goodbye A tear, a stream, a river, a sea A tear left my eye A stream I did cry The river will be At home in the sea A sigh, a breeze, a gust, a windblown sky I sighed at your sight My breezy soft plight Till heart's gust does die In your windblown sky A kiss, a touch, a caress, a grasp My kiss to your mouth Your touch to my south Caress though be tender My grasp it did render. My hello, my love, my cry, my goodbye My hello though be brief Is my love's soft belief 'Cause the tears I did cry Were a tender goodbye * A tear, a stream, a river, a sea Floats and drifts your love on its way back to me... A sigh, a breeze, a gust, a windblown sky My heart's tempest blows in the tear that I cry... A kiss, a touch, a caress, a grasp I am lost in your lovemaking's beautiful gasp... My hello, my love, my cry, my goodbye Though be parting my love... return I shall try... Newborn Beauty The blinding pain The ripping and tearing Of my flesh The blood and tears Then... The softest skin I have ever seen The tender eyes The imploring look The silky hair Such beauty Tender and amazing beauty Of my newborn child Sunrays Sitting alone on the floor In the house that was once my childhood Watching sunrays chase the dust across the tiles Imagining I live here again Happily My day bright Unlike then Forced to grow Forced to learn Forced to age beyond my age Instead of anger, fear, hurt, pain I run and play and dance and sing As children do As children should As I never did So here I sit on the floor Watching shadows devour the sunrays But For You The willow whispers to the wind When will you sing again?... then grinned The night's been long, the day's been dry, The whispers tender... willows cry. The sea demands the sloping shore... Tell me sweet secrets?... gentle roar My heart's been soaked, my soul's been wet, The song is soft... you'll own my debt. The tear regards into the eye... When shall I be released?... a sigh My life is short, my longing deep, The torture sharp... and humans weep. * The willow whispers, deep its pain The sea demands, and then again, The tear regards... I hear a cry... But for your touch my heart would die. And I have... So I will Let me go to my bed With you on my mind Make love to you In my dreams And wish someday To wake up in your arms... And I have, So I will Let me look into The depth of your eyes Deeper than any ocean Let me hear Your velvety words Wrapped in your Baritone whisper And I have, So I will Let me feel Your hungry caress Devouring my lust Through the very pores Of my skin Enveloped within The rough texture Of your touch And I have, So I will Let me taste desire In your eager kiss Your tongue invading My complacent mouth Stealing my breaths In sighs and gasps And I have, So I will Let me always remember Your searing passion As you conquer my body Repeatedly And light in me The same Searing passions And I have, So I will Let me relish the afterglow Of making love to you With you For you Because of you Love... And I have, So I will Seasons Kiss me in the spring my love When life is fresh and new Kiss me in the spring my love As flowers kiss the dew, Kiss me tender, young, and fresh Like breeze through silken mesh, Kiss me in the spring my love For winter comes too soon. * Kiss me in the summer love And light my tender spots Kiss me in the summer love When bloom forget-me-not's, Kiss me passion's searing song Throughout all summer long, Kiss me in the summer love For winter's getting close. * Kiss me in the fall my love And gently mind my age Kiss me in the fall my love And let us turn this page, Kiss me smiling softly dear Remember what a the year, Kiss me in the fall my love For winter's on the creep. * Kiss me in the winter love As passion slowly dies Kiss me in the winter love Collect my last my sighs, Kiss me soft upon my lips No passion longer drips, Kiss me in the winter love Before my life departs. Yearning for home I inhale and smell salt Instead of the dusty earth of home I hear gulls instead of burrow owls And the sounds of the sea in lieu of coyote calls I look out my window and yearn For the red earth of the desert I love I see people in mariner wear instead of sunhats And voices carrying accents strange to me I close my eyes and think of my adobe Far away and dry like my heart is now Humid air rising from the sea envelopes me And I miss the dry heat of my birthplace Displaced and lost in this wet breeze I need my mountains To comfort my soul and make me feel whole I need my home again I look at my left hand and feel the weight Of the wedding ring which brought me here And for a few moments I can love the sea and the place For his duty dragged us abroad Patriotic souls and the price we pay Military families uprooted and lost to all they knew Heritage and home are senses gone Lost to us in this foreign place... not home Old Shoes Here I sit staring up at the midnight sky Counting stars twinkling brightly As many of them as tears are in my eyes. You lost my heart, I gave it to you You promised to take good care of it You lost it or so you claimed. Yet you just stomped on it Threw it away like old shoes All worn out and too familiar Maybe out of fashion Wanting something new More modern Trendy. My heart and love Was all I had to give Comfortable Familiar Reliable Like old shoes. So here I sit... Counting stars as tears. Wishes (For Dominic) Dropped a coin into the well Made my wishes One, two, three Dropped a coin into the well All I wished Was you to me. Wishes granted, heart's desire Pass the hours Weeks and years Wishes granted, heart's desire Pass the heartaches Wipe some tears. Asked for lover, mate, and friend Got all three You are to me Asked for lover, mate, and friend Nearly lost All three Mend my fences fallen, bent... Asked of you My love return Mend my fences fallen, bent... Took my hand... Heart's fires burn. * Dropped a coin into the well Wishes granted, heart's desire Asked for lover, mate, and friend Mend my fences fallen, bent... Four Leaf Clover She sat in the field Counting... One... two... three... Darn! Again... One... two... three... Darn! So on, and so on, Days turned to weeks, Weeks turned to years, Years to lifetimes... Or so it seemed. Finally, weary, She gave up, and walked away From the now empty clover field. Walking slowly to her shallow shell She tripped... Fell... Cried... Brushed herself off And when she was about to stand up She saw it at last... It... or him? Inside a message bottle Laden with words of honey... Thick with an accent... His touch full of tenderness... The four leaved clover of her love. Couldn't Help But Notice... I am sorry, I couldn't help but notice... That you are beautiful... That you walk like a ballerina on water In her wildest dreams You make still life look like fast forward You make highlights look like old news You make magic feel real... And reality feel magic That you tear apart the seam of social fabric before People see that the embroidered things aren't always as they... Seem You make God look like a priest And mere men look like mice You make sacrifices look like gifts And pain feel like smiles You are not God's gift to mankind... You are mankind's offering to God You make perfect look like it needs... Just a little more practice You are brilliant... like light You are somber... like night And you are humbled So I am sorry... But I could not help but notice... Everything you don't Baby Dreams Small, sweet baby fast asleep Dreaming heaven's light to keep Tender bud of rose unbloomed Tuft of wildest hair ungroomed. Dozing softly in her bed Dreams of fairies in her head Tired now from daylong play Guised in dream to sweetest fay. Tender, graceful child, my dear Close your eyes, shed not a tear Take my hand to lead you on Dreamland's landscapes with a song. Lullaby of rainbow's lands Lullaby of mother's hands Lullabies I'll sing to you As I rock you all night through... * My baby sleep... Deep in your dreams The life is pink With fairy scenes, Here take my kiss Into your heart Now close your eyes Let sweet dreams start, Be gently led By mother's kiss, And baby dreams My heart does miss... You Are... You are the colors in my rainbow The lining on all of my clouds The reason birds take to air You are the secret wishes Scribbled in my adolescent diary You are the sigh exhaled After all of my kisses Passionate and sweet You are... The awakening in my loins Early in the morning Late at night In the afternoon All the time The excitement before opening gifts The exhilarated feeling in my stomach Just before your hand touches my bare flesh You are... The warm that eases my cold The light that invades my dark The sweet devouring my sour The first thought on my mind In the morning The last thing on my mind At night My heart's desire My soul's contentment My everything You are... The Moth, The Whisper, The Butterfly A tiny moth, soul torn and grey Wishes for wings of springtime's fay, Wishes for sweetest Monarch dreams And butterfly's long colored seams. Her body sullen, laundered, drained, Away in heart old hopes detained, Sad eyes watch dancing in the skies The dainty Monarch butterflies. Young hearts of laughter and of prose Of scented finest freshest rose Of colors brighter than the sky Designed inside God's watchful eye. She cries her rivers in the dust Tears slowly seeping through her crust Deep silver pools caress her feet She drowns, the salt... her sweet retreat. Suddenly chimes... a whisper near... Why do you cry sweet fragile dear? Look there... inside, the strength of you, Look... shed no more these sad eyes dew. He took her hand... Come to the stream... And there within she found a dream Forgotten... tinted with his kiss His soft caress and promised bliss. They danced away to yonder field, Steps plowing through the flowers shield, Absorbing pollen's fire scents In hearts... desire's sinking dents. Loud laughter filled her heart with spring Designs invading fringe of wing And as they chased away the day They left for rainbow's grounds to play. The reds, the greens, the golds and blues, He rolled her gently in their hues Till beauty such as none has seen Has dressed her wings with magic sheen. Now dreams, now laughter, fragrance bold Now Monarch wings blue green and gold, Now rosebud scents blue lilacs glean, The butterfly blooms under skin. Back to her streams of sullen tears And rivers shed throughout the years, Reflections play with soft allure A moth no more, just beauty... pure... Dear whisper, asks she, how and why? All I deserved and wished was... die, You kissed my lips, my heart to heal, You kissed my eyes, my love to steal. My friend, he answered, sweetest friend, I could not let a beauty end Such as in you... you could not see Without my kiss... take it... take me... The Old Oak... Me Late November Florida night Standing outside my house Trying not to smoke a cigarette Watching the cool raindrops Bounce off the grass I look up and down the block Here on the base everything is so... Uniformal? All houses the same.... All the people the same... All... but me. I don't fit in here With the military wives With my open mindedness and pierced tongue With my bold shirts speaking my mind Saying things like... Not the brightest crayon in the box are you? No PTA, soccer, or cheer mom bumper stickers on my car. I walk to the back of my car... Nope! Mine say things like Animals are friends, not food... Protected by witchcraft... Get any closer and I will flick a booger on your windshield... No... My kid is honor roll at blah blah blah school... sticker I am... Non-uniformal. I walk around my yard Like every other yard on the block I stop and look at the old oak tree in the front Like every other oak tree on the block But then something catches my eye... Rope marks on its lower limb Where a child's swing once hung, Scratch marks where some dog used to scratch his nails, As I walk around it I see an old squirrel feeder nailed to one side No corncob there now I see a heart carved into the bark SL loves KL Then further down.... SL, KL, and JL forever family Wonder if they still are. I stand back and look at this old oak I admire it It is different It has a history It has life and spunk Unlike the other oaks. As I walk back to my door going in for the night I look back at that old oak tree and realize... That is me. The Tapestry Take your dreams Dance upon them Small pirouettes Made of kisses And forget-me-nots Take your wishes Float on them Like gossamer wings Gosling soft Like your smile Take your hopes Drift on them To fantasy lands Where dreams come true Thimble kisses galore Take your pain Pass it down To giants in heart That wish to carry All of your burdens away Take your sadness Drown it in tears of joy Shed by your triumphs By family's joys By angels standing guard Take all these things Dreams, wishes, hopes Pains, sadness Weave you a tapestry of life Then live it... with fervor And I Smile... Here I sit Listening to his accent Strong and sweet Kind of cute We are friends Who met through words Written and scribbled In a cyber poetry cafe Sharing stories of love Of life Anecdotes And I smile... A call And the words on the screen Have a new life They have character And his characters also Have a new life I hear his prose In his voice now Instead of the one In my mind And I smile... I look forward to talking To reading and sharing To keeping this link we have made Poets and friends He was there when I needed him As I was when he wanted me A bond was made And sealed We will always be close No matter the distance No matter passing time This thought dances through my mind And I smile... How Many How many tomorrows have come and gone Since Strawberry Shortcake bed sheets? Since a bowl of cereal after school? Since bedtime stories being read Just one more time? How many clocks have struck noon Since crossing the street was scary? Since monsters lived under my bed? Since my friend Jellybean Whom only I could see? How many shooting stars have I wished on Since pink lip gloss could make you beautiful? Since tulle dance outfits with matching shoes? Since wearing a training bra made you A grown-up? How many goodnights have been whispered Since boo-boo's had to be kissed? Since death was unimaginable? Since riding a bike was Nearly impossible? How many times have I cried Since secrets were never repeated? Since dreams could really come true? Since you could still live Happily ever after? When do we stop believing? When does it all disappear? How many tomorrows have to come and go? Well it feels like only yesterday. Merely Did you think I did not notice you? I tripped over your existence Then fell in awe with it, with you Did you think I did not care for you? I would rip beating heart from chest Hand it over to you, like an offering to a deity I did not notice or care for you I merely do exist for you Dream Weaver Dream weaver come and kiss my brow And hold my hand down drifting stream Then take me depths of willow's bough And rock my soul to sleep... to dream. Accept my wishes tender, sweet And love my soul, and bless my heart, Dear Sandman, slumber's short deceit Paint upon me, until we part. Pray sprinkle dreams-filled sand my eyes Fierce dragons, knights, magicians, fays, Whisper me peaceful lullabies Forever haunting... nights and days. Please kiss them tender, my pinked lips Caressing while drifting away, Impart me dreams' sharp fingertips Long nails to scratch the cares of day. Lose me depths slumberland's old lust Till morning sun relieves the night, Then... ever gently brush your dust And grant me day's conscious sight. Did You Did you see me When I saw you? Did you see me peering through my soul Watching you with intent As a stalker watches their victim As a hunter watches their prey? Did you feel me Wishing so intensely for your breath? To steal it from your lungs With a powerful vise locked to your lips Sucking out your essence And then conceal it inside my mortal cocoon. Did you sense me As I brushed past you in life? Sneaking stealthily by Like a hired assassin Attempting to capture you Before you capture me. Do you love me As I love you now and always will? Like a raging fire Stronger than all of Earth's volcanoes Wishing but a small bit of your mind To be inside of me, as you are now? Do you want me? Do you? The Monster Most people fear the monster Under their bed Or in the closet The one that lurks in the shadows Of the dark alleys Of their minds In corners they don't dare look at. I don't fear that monster under my bed. May it choke on dust bunnies for all I care! As for the one in my closet... Well if he is in there I hope he cleans it up a bit. Dark alleys are for cats and hobos. Shadows are for parlor tricks... puppetry on walls. The dark places... well, they are dark. The monster I fear is hiding Deep in my cells Scrounging about my body Gnawing and chewing on my insides Hiding in my red cells In my blood In my essence I sleep at night and feel him devouring Pieces of my stomach Nibble... bite... chomp... chew His appetite insidious... Unending. Little kids Scared adults So fortunate Vanquishing their beasts with merely A flashlight and happy thoughts. My monster needs chemo and radiation Medications daily and hundreds of tests My monster unlike so many others Has a name. It strikes fear in the hearts of many, Sorrow in the hearts of my loved ones. It is called Cancer. I Can’t Think Of Anything But You... Now that I've looked into your eyes, And felt your heartbeats, heard your sighs, I've tasted love creasing your face And felt the strength of your embrace, I can’t think of anything but you... Merely brief moments did we share, A fleeting smile, a raging flare, I never knew a touch, a kiss Would make me find this world's amiss, I can’t think of anything but you... I try to sleep, turn off the light, I hold you tight throughout the night, My sweetest memories of heart Yes, it was love, there from the start, I can’t think of anything but you... I close my mind before it cries, I see your face, I see your eyes, Till I will see you here again I will survive... I guess... till then, I can’t think of anything but you... Waking Dreams And when I close my eyes to dream My heart, your name, does softly scream Then, as in slumber's streams I wade Your touches, gentle, never fade. Did you just feel my steaming touch? I love... you smile?... oh, yes, so much, Look in my eyes, this shiny green Holds in its depths your love unseen. Morning... eyes flutter... wide awake My sweetest kiss your lips do take Your fire burns, your touch is hot Desire churns, forget me not... Shadow Puppets I cast shadow puppets On the wall of my life Like a magic show farce Figments of the truth Bathed in shadows Letting people see... what I want them to see Contorting my digits as to make a rabbit... A gull... A spider... A perfect life... Daily this magic show continues Play after play... Lie, after truthful lie While my mind drifts slowly To another place and time. Where my life is... What it should be With kisses real, not borrowed With hand holding and trips to the beach, Snuggling in bed for hours between lovemaking sessions His eyes... his kisses... his hands His love Him So for now... I cast shadow puppets on the wall That is my life Drowning out my dreams With a reality Unreal Of Beauty And Rage Of beauty I say the simplest of things Like gossamer softness of butterfly wings Like words of a poet who robbed in my nest The feel of my skin from my breast to his chest. A newborn's soft creases and folds of the skin, The coarseness of flesh hiding age deep within, The look in the eyes of the one I adore The thunder of bodies like waves to the shore. Of beauty the simplest of things I do say, Like living to love yet another blue day, Like sun setting down and then sun on the rise, The look of desire in my lover's eyes. * The humblest of thoughts I do harbor of rage The dying of youth at the onslaught of age, The meek human's wish to inherit the earth And death as the coin in the engine of birth. The reason for villainous crimes to be done, To sacrifice many defending the one, The essence of war in the countries of need, Beloved ones blood spilling... most noble a deed. Young innocence lost to the monsters at bay And childhood sweet dreams fraught with demons of prey Like storms raging wild and destruction adorned And tearing up worlds like a sorceress scorned. * Of beauty and rage The simplest of things, The humblest of thoughts... In This Space In this space, not four walls No windows and no doors No ceilings, no floors. In this space... hollow. In this space, no pictures on bare walls No art refined, no bric-a-brac No trophies, no pride of life. In this space... empty. In this space, no sounds No music playing, no laughter No nursery rhymes sung to small ears. In this space... silent. * Then a presence. A change A current that lingers and.... EXPLODES! * In this space a mansion erupts Windows of diamond, doors of jade Ceilings hard, floors soft... In this space... solidified. In this space a gallery unseen Monet would envy, finery plenty Halls of trophies and pride defined. In this space... so full. In this space an orchestra. A ball for princesses and thieves in kind Where babies hear of fay and lore. In this space... loud with joy. * Where are you? This presence interfering with my gloom? You are in this space. my heart. Wait I close my eyes and wait... For this fury to subside To drain itself from my veins To diminish and to die To leave my wounded heart To let it beat again To lift from my head this fog And all the pain within To sneak and creep out of my life The way that it came in I close my eyes and I await... My inner peace again Steady Dim My pen is not enough to hold These tears, these lies, these truths untold It aches from weight of sins and pain My pen is not enough to hold My paper, blank and barren sea No more sweet words be graced from me It sighs because it held such tales My paper, blank and barren sea My heart was pounding once... for he It pumped and pushed life's crimson sea It wasn't good enough to give My heart was pounding once... for he My eyes are growing slowly dim And dim the visions held of him Not cloudless sky, nor earthly gem My eyes are growing slowly dim Infatuation Intoxication over you, So selflessly you brought me to, Desperately I long for you, Hopelessly I reach out, You own my thoughts, My words, and all of my deeds. Infatuation inside me, Cannot endure, exist, or be, I want to scream it to the world But I hold it tightly, locked securely It seeps slowly and deeply into me, Searing me so unbearably. Then charred inside I reach for you, Mirage, or dream, or fading view? You, my thoughts You, my gasps of breath, I have struck the floor and fallen still, Won’t you come and help me? I’m melting into whiffs of air And madness soaks in my despair, Sickly hypnotized By all of our twisted past, Come, savor what is left of me, I’m dissolving now so fast... Empty Inside. Intoxication will soon be gone But, infatuation... lingers on... Cycle The seed... small insignificant shoved down stepped upon left alone where bugs and birds may prey on it sky's tears water it loudly dousing it drenching it drowning it feeding it The sprout... erupts saying I... survived I... am strong I... will be The bud... scared fragile innocent yet tough dares to bloom to open to... shout! to be, beautiful The rose... fading beauty calling upon you its whole hearted innocence saying... smell me pluck me love me before... I die Take Me Billowy words That raise me So softly... ever so softly To heaven's gates With but merely A memory's whisper.... From my heart From my soul From your eyes Is this honey laden deceit? Is this a hazy oblivion? Or... Lucid fantasies... And crystal dreams? Tell me lover With your lips, Kissing me ever so passionately. With your tongue... Dancing upon my heart's aches With your mouth.... Devouring my insides. Touch me lover with your velvety words. In lieu of your hands Touch me with your eyes. Instead of your devoted body. Steal me with your wild lacing of laurels. Take me... simply take me... To heaven To hell To a desire ridden Shangri-la My utopia My perfection. Take me at long last to desire To that fire seeded haven in your arms Take me into... Your heart. Me What is this disdain that you harbor for me? Don't you see that I am not in your way? I live my life on the country road Go drive in your fast lane so I can take it slow. If I were ugly you would proclaim "what a crying shame!" Yet if I were the local beauty queen, my name would be brandished, mocked and maimed, because I am all you dare not see. The package that is me. Is not saintly by any means Who wants to live so straight? I am a sinner without too many sins I am a champion with too few battles won I am not a Phoenix rising just a sparrow flying So close your eyes, or look the other way So you won't have to see the splendor that is me. Slightly above average woman... Girl nearly next door... Soul with just enough shine. Go live your life, and let me live mine. Then choke on all your insincerities you have tried to hand down to me. And I will just be... me. Would You Would you be my dragon slayer? Vanquish the monster that devours me Piece, by piece, by piece? Kill the scaly beast? Would you be my warrior? Fight my battles and bring me glory Conquer in my name, in my honor? Near or far, do my bidding? Would you be my guide? Help me through this life uncharted Take my hand and lead me, hold me, help me? Rescue my soul... from me? Would you be my poet? Write me tales of love unending, of fairies Of magic and dragons, witches and heroes? Would you use your pen to ease my fears? Would you be my everything? My hero, friend, lover, husband My heart, my lung, my soul?... Would you if I begged? Would you? Embrace I look at the world Through the eyes of a hopeless romantic I see it in my dreams at night Feathery soft wishes made with my heart I see them dance just out of my grasp In a distant light The light that resonates From you When shall I touch them? Own them, keep them tight in my grasp? When shall I take what is rightfully mine Embrace my dreams Embrace you?... I run through paper-cut fields Called life... such strife I seek with my eyes What only my heart can find There it is in the distance like a star My reality flipped over and dipped in dreams Illusions created by my heart Birthed by my imagination When shall I touch them? Own them, keep them tight in my grasp? When shall I take what is rightfully mine Embrace my dreams Embrace my reality?... I trip over all of this surreal pain It lives in my soul Burrowed deep inside Hiding from eviction I try to capture it and throw it away Yet, it yields not to my whims, yields not Take your light and burn this hurt away Scald and scorch this dissidence Then warm my soul as only you can do Heat it with the fire in your touch, in your words When shall I touch them? Own them, keep them tight in my grasp? When shall I take what is rightfully mine Embrace my dreams? Embrace love?... Sounds The Sounds Of My Home... Lying in my bed, early in the morning, before the house wakes up. I hear the foundation settling, that one pesky cricket I can never find, chirping away... somewhere. I hear little heads snoring away in their beds... one in mine, where she crept late in the night. Then... Alarm clocks wailing, water running. The old pipes scream agonizingly as a fluid rush is forced through its' copper veins. The TV in the living room on, radios in the kids' rooms blaring music as they prepare for school. Small arguments over shirts and homework. Laughter as one of them makes the others laugh. Then all settles down as they leave for school and the baby and I are alone at last. The sounds of Dora The Explorer, and Rolie Polie Olie flood the house. After lunch there is a moment of brief silence as my little one naps, and I recuperate. There are dishes to be done, laundry, lots of chores... And as the day wears on and kids come home... the house is a ruckus again. The Sounds Of My Yard... I escape to the porch for a short reprieve Listening to the rain as it hits the roof with small pattering noises, almost like a calypso beat bum buh buh bum bum bum... I hear the ocean only a block away from my front door Raging from the swell of the rain pouring into it Beating on the shore with a savage might, Letting me remember it is a force to be reckoned with. Then... Thunder bangs a huge drum roll off in the distance as lightning fills the sky over the gulf, Nature's very own sounds and lights show... Spectacular! The rain slows... birds chirp... squirrels come out from hiding and I listen to myself... The Sounds Of Me... I close my eyes and hear my steady breathing Hear the way my lungs force air out... and suck it back in. The small digestive noises my stomach makes as it processes the herbal tea I just drank. I hear my heart beating softly... thump thuh thump thump... I breathe in and think of you I listen closer to my soul and hear it singing your name. I miss you. I Love You I love you... With the power and intensity Of a million stars Colliding in a celestial union Then captured... enraptured Inside a human heart I love you... With the innocence Of a newborn child Suckling at its mothers breast Unknowing of the future Yet trusting completely In her strength and her guidance I love you... With the gravity of elephants That dare to balance on dental floss thin truths Fearing to fall in your presence As you might see Their inadequacy I love you... With the power of a solar flare As it glints off your eye And reflects in your smile Then with as much intensity Pierces my heart I love you... With the harmony of a thousand angels choir Not singing praises to God Of God But shouting praises to this creator For your presence I love you... With the tenderness Of an aging parent for their adult child Possessing a need and a knowledge That will lead them on Through what is left of this fantasy Called life Unscathed I love you... With the depth of the grandest of canyons In the morning sunlight Though they fear to look upon you That they may see they are merely Molehills... in the presence of your stature I love you... In life... In death... Forever... I do Ponder How I ponder as I wander Walking into nevermore How I gaze in the haze Hell's old fury in the store How I feel less than real As I sign this pandered deal * One last sigh, as I die Then in shallow grave I lie Salt in eye, stone in heart Just three words and then I part "And if in past, you never knew Know now my dear, once... I loved you" Chemo White hot fire in my flesh invading my senses and screaming into me a pain so sharp and deep that it suffocates my wails Careening through the alleys in my mind Waking my nerve endings with a kick. Torturing my heart and lungs with a crushing of bone breaking measure No one can save me from this liquid damnation. From the agony of this hell's fire under my skin Enslaved here, for my own good. All I can do is lie back and endure this pain and focus On the heaven of seeing my grandkids someday On the hell of paying taxes, too high On the face of my lover marred with deep concern Breaking burrows in his handsome profile Creases of worry lines Scowl marks Frowns Focus... On surviving the treatment that kills the monster... chemo... Lady Of The Mist I stand in my front yard early in the morning way before the sunrise peeks sleepily through the many cypress, maple and oak trees in my neighborhood with its sleepy autumnal eyes. I know what the morning brings for me. Yet more pain and discomfort like so many other tattered days in my life, but I will not run from it. No. I will greet it face on with fierceness. A cool breeze stirs from the east and as I turn my head in its direction I see her strolling slowly up the block. The lady of the mist. She wears a silken dress of gray gossamer. Floating gently up the street as though all should be in awe of her, as I am now. Her movements controlled and precise as she approaches me slowly much like all the apprehension I must face in a few short hours. She softly places a damp, cool kiss on my cheek as she passes me with the softness of a lover's caress. Then as smoothly as she came, she departs on her trek down the street I live on. Leaving me standing alone in the fog, as I stand alone... in my fog. The Beauty Of Loneliness Sitting at the swamp as the sun sets. Reflecting in it is the loneliness I felt Before the sweetest brown eyes I have ever seen Broke through like the sun and warmed my waters, settling my currents, calming my soul. Now... I see the beauty in the swamp I see at last The beauty in its loneliness. Close Enough To Touch I hear a song that reminds me of you. A moment we shared A memory half gone I just close my eyes and they come rushing back in At that moment you seem just... close enough to touch. I see the place where we sat and talked, at the beach or the park, where we held hands as we walked. Like bees these memories swarm around my head telling me you are gone. My heart weeps, and I close my eyes trying to chase them all away, But all I see is your face. almost... close enough to touch. I sit and read the sweet words you wrote, from your heart to mine. I can barely see them now, as they are smeared by time and tears I’ve cried. I just want to sink right into the pages To that moment and feel your skin on mine, Your lips softly kissing away the tears in my eyes. My vision blurs and my mind plays tricks on me because you look... close enough to touch. I wear your shirt; the fibers are thin, Threadbare from all of my wear, and tear. Your scent has long since left it, but your memory remains. Just as strong as the day I helped you remove it, and stole it from you, as you stole my heart from me. I pull it up over my face to block out all I see. Except for your eyes. So close to my own. And your handsome face is almost... close enough to touch Oh lover, my heart aches everyday I sit and wait to swim in your love again Distance is tearing at my seams I live inside memories... And dreams. Then I remember that you will return to my waiting arms. To holding hands, to kissing till our lips are chapped and pain sears them with passion and heat. And that moment, is just... close enough to touch... Did You Feel It? Did you feel it? When they stuck my arm scoured my flesh wounded my pride? When they invaded my throat? Turned my stomach into a battleground? Seized my enemy and mortally wounded it? When I awoke sore? Searing pain in my belly? Injured arm where I ripped the needle from my vein? When I sobbed quietly alone? Called your name into the night? Drifted into dreams of us? Said I love you, as I awoke to a new day? Blew a kiss your way made myself get up go on? Fight? I know you felt it... because you were with me all the while. Friend Such a magnificent word So beautiful in all its' glory Means you have someone who will always be there by your side to hold your hand in hard times To encourage you and help you grow To be a shoulder to cry on Someone who will laugh with you not at you, even when you mess up. Someone who will advise you on good and bad decisions, honestly. Someone who tells you when you are messing up and when you are doing right Friend... Such a special word For special people Deep as an ocean High as a mountain Friend... a beautiful word except when that is all that your love will call you Sterile White Alone in this sterile white Hearing the beeps and hissing of machinery needed to help me breathe... help me live I cannot move paralyzed by restraints "She ripped the needle from her arm screaming in pain a name" the nurse aghast unsure what to tell the doctor "She is in pain. Give her more meds." always his answer Unknowing that what I need is your touch to reach across a distance heal my wounds keep me warm give me strength I close my eyes as the drug induced peace drifts slowly over my mind and body taking me to a dreamless place where I cannot even touch your face They might as well let me die now if they are going to steal my dreams steal you from me even in my coma like sleep with their drugs and nonchalant bedside manners I am alone in this sterile white hearing the beeps and hisses of machinery needed to help me breathe... help me die May I May I be your Helen? Will you wage battles of epic proportions for my sake? Will you gamble your kingdom for me For the honor of my love? May I be your Echo? Live my life in the hopes of hearing you say "I love you" just once? Then die, leaving nothing but my wailing voice? Because you are gone forever. May I be you Annabel Lee? Your forever love, tender bride? The one you mourn for years and years till in death, at last, we are reunited? May I be your serenity? Free of chains at last. May I offer you simple happiness joys of the heart pleasures of body and soul? * May I be your right And erase your plight, May I be your song And to you belong, May I be your creed And your soul's sole need, May I wipe your tears Through your aging years? Your rising sun Your only one May I? May I?.. From A Distance The mind tests spellings of depart An empty void infests the heart Sad tears are shed Sweet laments said The end is here... when did it start? Hand crushing hand spelling goodbye Hot tears demanding right to cry The time to leave The time to grieve The ache escapes inside... a sigh. She watches doors spelling I go Through smiles deep sadness shivers show She wipes the tears And hides the fears Her love for him so... does he know? Then from a distance spells a song His words have found where they belong Inside her heart In whole, in part She knows... he'll never do her wrong. Identity He takes my hand and kisses the tip of each finger sending small, sharp chills down my spine, softly licking them, tracing the circles and ridges of my fingerprints, with the tip of his tongue. "How do I taste?" I ask coyly. "Like honey and strawberries... like love." He says as he sucks yet another digit. "Love tastes like honey and strawberries?" small laugh, then a gasp and sigh, as he suckles my ring finger. "That tingles. It sends chills down my spine." His eyes so deep. A caramel bliss. "It is not chills baby. It is rivers of love flowing under your skin." Sucking deeper now. Taking most of my finger in his mouth as his tongue softly massages all the lines of my identity. "May I drown in them then?" Words barely escape from my lips before they are engulfed in his own. He is devouring my lips... my fingers... my essence, and the gates of heaven open in the distance beckoning us in. I Sigh Tangled up in linen spider webs Covered in salty evening dew As the moonlight plays... Piano soft tunes on bare skin With all the eloquence of Chopin, Or Beethoven in love. As the nimblest of fingers Softly plays... Note... By note... By note... Writing a symphony of memories On my body, And carved into my heart. Gently you whisper Lullabies of heated desire On my ivory nudity As I lie breathlessly... In wait Of your lacey soft caresses To dance sensuously On my flesh. Painting memories In the gallery I hold deep in my heart To be viewed Privately Over, and over, and over... As age robs me Like a bandit in the night Of the fragile State of youth My heart dwells in. Then you kiss me... And I sigh. Paper doll She is a paper doll cut out of magazines and movie scenes one size fits all No need to talk to her just dress her up and play with her never mind her silent screams who hears a dead voice anyway Allow her smile to fade in time Then replace her with a newer model As you go to toss her in the trash heed no mind to the paper cuts on her limbs and her face or your fingertips for that matter from those times you played too rough with her Just take a match and burn her to ashes toss her away like bad habits and yesterday's news after all She is just a paper doll... one size fits all Waiting I sit waiting... Watching eternity drag her fingers through the sands of time. Leaving small trails and gullies for me to fall into. "Patience is a virtue" my mom would always say. I do not want to be virtuous today as I watch the seconds hand on the clock tick slowly... as though it has rigor mortis. So I will sit here... and wait, as time taunts me with a jester's smile And watch eternity drag her fingers through the sands of time in mocking grace. Steam Steam emanating from the porcelain surface As hot tears stream down a cold face. Hours had passed in near silence All except the thunderous sound of breaking hearts Pounding chest to chest, as the ache of goodbye resounded deafly inside lovers' ears. The glass dividing two souls, steaming with their touch. Hand on glass reflecting green tears... the runway... the plane... hand on glass reflecting brown tears. and... The steam that emanates from the porcelain surface as hot tears run down a cold face. Lost Brevity I inhaled you. My nostrils flaring like a raging bull as I lay by your side. I took in your intoxicating scent full of memories, and dreams. I inhaled your essence. Like pollen into my lungs. Letting it take seed, and root into my very soul. I absorbed you. As a sponge would absorb gallons, upon gallons, of water. I soaked in your presence, and kept you inside me. Saving your essence, scrounging it, and never losing one drop. One spec. Drowning in the very thought of you, blissfully. I desired you. Like a harlot lusting for that unachievable climax. That glimmer just out of sight, that breeze on the hottest of summers days. I yearned to keep every fiber of your being in me, forever, always. But.... I lost you. In a moment when I blinked, when I briefly closed my eyes. For that second, you were gone, lost. Now that stolen second can never be reclaimed, And losing you even for a moment so brief is a death of a new caliber. Beckons And she beckons, As a maiden of long ago. Softly, sensually. She calls to me from far away, yet so close. I smell her essence on the breeze Damp and musky An ageless scent that invades the mind as it invades the senses. She is whispering to me. I hear her... as sailors of long ago heard her siren's call, With all the lust of an ancient Goddess and all the sensuality of a nymph. I go to her now and see my lover's eyes in the stars feel his fingers caress my skin as she drags me into her salty, wet embrace. She beckons to me still, just as he does. Sparks: A Moment Captured Lazy afternoon sun blazing, eyes glazing The warmth of impending spring teasing my flesh into goose bumps I am looking upon the small... golden sparks on a placid canvas dimpled and speckled with imperfections. The radiance glaring off the vagueness of the beautiful shards, in spectacular gold and red glints holding for brief moments my attention in awe Minutes pass and I wonder silently, as the breeze warms my skin... Should I shave my legs today? Exhaled Sleepless nights, as eyes of scaled dragons glare pitifully, miserably, across miles of savage rage. And who has stolen my dreams? Tricksters and bandits. Rats, the bane of gargoyles in a symphony of angels. Who cares anyway if the sandman dies? He never brings me lace and pearls. Sleepless nights as the jade eyes of a jaded heart burn slowly to ash... and blow away in a lover's sigh, in a lover's lie... exhaled That Dance (For Dominic) You smiled as I sang out of tune the sweet lyrics of a love song I know by heart. In my heart. You stand and walk up to me take my hand and ask... "May I have this dance?" Five simple words, yet, I stop breathing. I stand and hold your hand as you lead me to the dance floor. We face one another, your eyes looking into my own, embracing one another closely so closely... The beat of your heart louder than the beat of the music. As the song nears its end you lean close and whisper "I love you" and heaven has music and heaven has a dance floor and heaven was in that three minute song and heaven was in... that dance Closets Sneaking peeks in virtual closets the white glare upon my face dead of night sleepless dreamless Discovering innuendos and flirtations broken promises and dead kisses and... skeletons Oh, so many skeletons Bleached white with sugar, and lies I turn to leave to run from the discoveries and I slip on the honey that dripped from smooth lips so sweet so so sweet I did not mind the taste as I lay... drowning in it Acquired (sequel to Wait) I open my eyes and I see... I have drained this fury from me No longer does it reign In my body lung and vein It has left, my heart is healing Fades away the angry feeling Fogs inside my mind have cleared Clean the corners they have smeared, Left, and took the pain within Just the way that it came in. I sigh at last, because I see I found the inner peace in me. I Hug My Pillow I miss you every day small bits but enough to make me sad I lie on my bed wishing you were there by my side in my arms hugging me sigh I roll over grab my pillow a sad substitute for you, but... hug it tight anyway wishing it was your body Alas... it is just a pillow Concerto Sitting out on the patio as the rain beats down in a blues like rhythm that would make Coltrane envious. Bum-rum-bum-bum-rum-bum-bum Droplets of cool rain dance upon my face, like a wet ballerina pirouetting across my flesh reminding me... I am alive Washing away the tears that stain my existence. Salty reminders of you. And the thunder is rolling pounding away a calypso beat that tears away the layers of my heart so many fears so many doubts so many coulda, shoulda, woulda been's I sigh, a silent applause for this concerto of agonizing truth, dreamed in reality. I Talked To You Today I talked to you today. Though we parted ways some time back I felt that I needed to visit with a long lost friend. I am not sure if you listened to me at all. But I feel better for having tried. I remember when I was young, and we were close. I grew up with you. Yes, my friend, I am still upset over how we parted ways that day. It is something I am sure we both regret. I felt you turned your back on me at a time I needed you most. You ignored my pleas, my call to you. So never again did I want to speak your name. I just felt the need, you see? To tell you about my children. They are all getting so big I am sure you know, after all... kids grow. I also have another daughter. No, you and she haven't met. I fell in love with a wonderful man. Real, true, deep love. My health is not better, perhaps worse. I go on though. I am still stubborn. Thanks for the time, and the reverie. I just hope this time you heard me. Perhaps some day we can be friends again. Like when I was young, and we hung out every Sunday. It was nice talking to you, God. Maybe we will meet again. Lullaby Tenderly you hug me to your chest. I have my ear strategically placed, so as to be able to hear the beating of your heart, the sighs in your chest. You stir a bit so I look up at you. So handsome that I feel my own heart skip a few beats, merely at the sight of you. "What are you looking at?" you ask me softly. "Beauty" I whisper in a hush. A smile plays across your lips, and in your eyes just before you softly kiss me. "Then what you must see is your reflection in my eyes." you quietly respond. As my head your left of chest Tests for songs of angels crest What I hear is not your sighs... Beating wings of butterflies Not in jest... Deeper in, the rolling thunder Just behind your ribs and under Echoes songs of love you gave Telling me my eyes you crave... Green and wonder... Hold my hands now, kiss my lips Caress me with fingertips Hold me close and tight my dear Vanquish all of my pain and fear... Love just drips... "Poetess you steal my heart." you whisper against my neck. "As you stole mine." I sigh and lay my head back on your chest. I slowly drift to sleep listening to the lullaby of your heartbeat, and dream of our reality. Perceptions Face to face I take your hands in mine. Gazing into your eyes I see a question in them. So I ask, "What is on your mind love?" "Fairies", you say. "Fairies and the color of their eyes." Ahhhh. I knew this would be spoken of at some point. You know of my love of the little winged masterpieces. How I enjoy their whimsy and charm. Also, I know of how you assume me to be one of them creatures in human form. "Fairies, like humans, have many different shades of eyes. From brown to blue, to pink I am sure." I say, knowing your next comment before it leaves those beautiful lips of yours. "I believe they are green", you say in an honest tone. "Green as forest trees, green as emeralds, green as magic." I smile at this and turn to lay my head on your lap, still holding on to your hand. "My love, it is all a matter of perception. You used to believe angels had blue eyes, as well. That devils had red eyes, and that witches had two different colored eyes all together. Now you see there are no absolutes in this eye color scheme. Some angels have red eyes, when angry I am sure. Some devils have eyes of cornflower, and well witches do not follow rules now, do they?" I see you frown over this comment, yet you still bend down and kiss my lips. More like bite them actually. "This fairy has green eyes", you say to me as you plant another part kiss part bite on my mouth. I sigh and squeeze your hand. "I am no fairy baby. I am a witch who loves fairies", I say and start to giggle because you tickled my side with your free hand. Trying to torture me into agreeing with you. "What of my eyes?" you ask me staring intently into my own. "That is easy my love", I say as I look up into the rich brown of them. "They are the rich color of caramel. So sweet. They are the color of young oak, so strong. They are the color of soft garden earth, life giving. They are the color of a fawn's new coat, so tender and soft." I halt for a moment giving me sufficient time to enjoy the smile on your lips. "They are the color of love. My love. The color that paints my dreams at night. Yes, they are the color of love." You play softly with my hair and then kiss me again before you say, "Angels and devils I have little knowledge of, so believe you in your assumptions of their eyes. Fairies and witches I know. When you are my fairy they are indeed green. Bright like emerald, deep as forest leaves." You lean down, kissing this time my forehead to set this belief in stone. "When they change like the seasons from green, to blue, to hazel... then you are my witch. My fairy skinned witch." Another quick kiss, but who's counting? I turn and sit facing you. Looking intensely into your eyes. "So let me get this straight. Angels may or may not have blue eyes. Devils red. Fairies definitely green, and witches change?" You laugh, a laughter which is music to my soul. Then lean forward and whisper in my ear, "Finally dear, you see the truth!" You quickly scoot backwards in a protective maneuver smiling the whole time. I cannot help but smile at this and chase after you, tackling you to the floor and straddling your chest as I pin your arms down. Leaning forward, I give you the meanest look I can muster, but quickly soften as you mouth the words I love you to me. I kiss you and whisper, "Poets have brown eyes. Love has brown eyes. You, have the most beautiful of all, brown eyes." Hope Chest There are memories covered in dust. All my childhood dreams That have gone to rust, and a broken heart There's old photographs Things kept way too long. Like sweet fairy tales, or the words to songs, and an ache inside All the promises That were never kept. All the sleepless nights where I never slept, and all my nightmares All the hateful things Ever done to me. All the promises never meant to be, and the tears I've cried I have asked myself... Why must I keep things? That pull on my heart just like puppet strings, all these reminders Then the answer came. Though, it's bittersweet So I won't forget and mistakes repeat, and some misplaced joys A Life From here to there, and back again I held you lover, husband, friend and in the things that lie between brown earth of eye, or spring like green, I held you lover, husband, friend From here to there, and back again. In times that were, and never are I honored you, my wishing star in reverence released pent tears and captured pain held through the years, I honored you, my wishing star In times that were, and never are. With love that is, and cannot be I've shed for you a crimson sea for you I stole life's fruit from death we feasted on my dying breath, I've shed for you a crimson sea With love that is, and cannot be. A life not had, yet lived in dreams. I'd fill with love till bursting seams. no pain, no hurt, deceitful lies, just filled with kisses, soft love sighs, I'd fill with love till bursting seams. A life not had, yet lived in dreams. Alchemist I cried at the thought of us parting. Tears streamed down my face in small, shiny rivers. You captured the salty dew drops from upon my cheek and asked, "Shall I say the magic words and turn them to diamonds my dear? I will, you know. Lace them on a string of gold, Then engrave them words of old, Set in rings with gems of Nile, I would, but for one sweet smile." I smiled. Could not help but do so in the face of such a lover. Such a love. "Use them dear to buy a home Life and love under its dome, Else the time's with worry spent... Love won't pay the monthly rent." Now you smiled. How could you not in the face of such a lover? Such a love? You reached down and pulled some loosed hairs of mine from my blouse. Eyeing each golden red strand in the light. Then cupped them in your hand with the tears and asked, "Shall I crochet them in magic and make finest aurum? I will, you know, for you. Shall I weave fine golden chains For your lockets, picture frames, Or a wedding band it be For the world this love to see?" I smiled. Could not help but do so in the face of such a lover. Such a love. "I would rather you made locks Keep from home the evil flocks Thieves and ravens, bandits, crows, Armies lining rows and rows." Now you smiled. How could you not in the face of such a lover? Such a love? You leaned in and kissed my lips ever so softly. Smearing the red of my lipstick as you did. You grinned now as you wiped the smudge onto the thumb of your closed hand that held all of our magic, and asked... "Shall I turn this to rubies fair? I will you know, for you I will. To conjure to rubies' gleam Grander than in Sultan's dream, Fashion cuffs of magic fire Envying my love's desire?" I smiled. Could not help but do so in the face of such a lover. Such a love. "Fashion me my magic king None of jewels, cuffs, or ring, Just a home where we grow old Treasures of my heart to hold." We smiled in the face of such lovers. Of such love How could we not? Then my sweet alchemist worked his magic, and treasures abound. Dare I say happily ever after? I do, because he did. Patriots (Thanks to Dom for all the help) He sits quietly in his foxhole, his safe haven for the night. Smelling the memories of loved ones on the pieces of paper clenched tightly in his hand. Bullets whizzing by his head whispering his name ever so softly just like the exotic seductresses in the last village promising love for a buck... Sears the bright hue of pain through his mind The grotesque fear. The unimaginable horror of things he has seen and done. A pain as sharp as his enemy's curses as he sits silently and prays... "Just let me make it through the night." He closes his eyes and remembers... His grandma's homemade pies. Cutting up with his brothers on a Saturday night and his first kiss, as he tries to ignore the ammunition that teases him with each pass like a prom date narrowly missing him. Searing colors of pain in his heart as he wonders if his enemy remembers his first kiss. He silently prays... "Just let me make it through the next few hours." He squeezes his eyes shut tighter. Remembering his mom's Christmas dinners with the best gravy ever, and leftovers for days. Remembering his friends' farewell party for him, knowing it may really be farewell for good. And that last kiss. As the bullet bites into his flesh like a dragon devouring a virgin sacrifice He wonders if his enemy remembers his last kiss as the tide of crimson stains the stripes on the arm of his uniform. He silently prays... "Just let me make it through the hour." Taps plays as a flag is presented to a sobbing wife. A family weeps... And in a foreign land A wife gives her husband's cold dead lips one last kiss and wonders... Did his enemy's wife do the same? Tourniquet I bled so freely. Wounds opened, never healing, never scarring. Then you came along. Touched the gaping hole at the left of my chest. Sealing it closed cauterizing veins, and arteries. Tying off my spewing blood rivers with your words of love. The aching pain of this life, stalled, halted forever. The flowing streams of my essence draining who I was, who I am onto the vague linen of this world. Now dissipated with merely three words. No longer do I bleed, because... You are my tourniquet. Tattered No More Floating in an abyss No goal No aim Just... floating Like a bubble on a breeze carried wherever the wind leads Then... A light in all this darkness Twinkling in the distance, Curiosity drew me closer, and closer, Till what seemed at first to be a star, becomes a supernova! Still and silent awed by the pure magnificence of you. I was afraid to breathe afraid that the thunderous roar of my heartbeat would scare you away. SILENCE BROKEN! by the baritone madness of your simple words "Why do you float?" THOUGHT Answered "Because I cannot fly." simple enough answer. still... you quizzed on "And why is it you cannot fly?" THOUGHT Answered "Because my wings are tattered from a life of pain." simple enough answer as the tear that crept from my left eye froze into an icicle You smiled at me, took the icicle, and pierced your left breast soaking your life's blood into its' jagged tip I gasped! You placed your fingers over my lips then drew them back to your own, and kissed them gently. You used the crimson tipped spear to draw upon the darkness with words of love, and passion, till a set of beautiful red wings appeared. "Try them on." you said, still unflinching at the pain in your chest. I slid up to the beautiful wings and placed them on my back over my own tattered pair. "Now try them out." I did and found that they were strong They flapped wildly stirring a jasmine and lilac scented breeze all around us I rushed towards you to hug you tightly as a thankful joy for such a gift overwhelmed me! Upon touching your light, you turned human, and kissed my lips biting softly, yet hard enough to break the skin letting my blood drip onto your wound healing it instantly. "But how?" I asked. "Love," you answered. "You are tattered no more." Fly Little One For Jacki D A winged creature--sparrow not Her life was full of sorrows fraught Her spirit stronger then the eagle Courage bounding--never feeble Vultures chased this fragile soul They lured her to their final goal She fell under their dreadful charm Tis’ when they did her spirit harm To some she got what she deserved This fragile, little winged bird She is stronger then given credit for She fought the peril they had in store Now with one wing clipped she still flies She writes her woes in poets lullabies This wounded swan--her spirit's strong Still she soars--though she’s been wronged Fly little one To heavens gates Fly little one To St Peters fates Fly little one Do not feel pain Fly little one You will love again Bliss Run your fingers down my skin Sear the rainbow's vein within Tint my soul with brightest green Paint my world colors unseen Red as passion's sin Run your hands upon my thighs And release soft lovers' sighs Painting flesh with searing hues Gold of apple, sky soft blues Scald me with your eyes Trace my body's shape with nails Crimson marks and lovers' wails Mark my flesh with tender bites Seal my fate with lovers' rites Hot breath fills my sails Softly knead my pallid flesh Time will pass till these skins mesh Taste my nectar, taste my dew Taste the honey, lovers brew Scorch my love to ash Then as tidal waves subside Slow's the current, soft the tide Settle me in lovers arms In his kisses, in his charms Such a tender ride Heaven envies such a bliss Hell in fury runs amiss Angels sigh, at such sweet sight Lovers snuggling through the night Trapped within their kiss In Your Eyes I feel the needle slide into my arm. Seeking its river of life to steal into I watch as the nurse tapes it down and starts the fluid rushing into my vein. I finally look at my pallid flesh now punctured, invaded. The skin is dimpled and marred from the many attempts to find that damnable artery. Always evasive, always stubborn. Like me My skin now resembles a berry. Bright splotches of crimson hues speckled with small dots and streaks. Seeping a bit of bright red juice on the sheet. I close my eyes again and wait for you. Wait to feel you holding my hand in your own. Wait to hear the triad of I love you. Three times makes it real... I close my eyes tighter as the anesthesia is administered. I squeeze my hand tighter around... thin air. You are not here with me. You are far away. I am alone in this isolated white room going into battle with the unseen demon. I close my eyes as instructed count to ten... drift downward till alas I see them... Caramel orbs holding such beauty I go towards them drawn as a dragonfly to the light... I am home, in your arms, in your love, in your eyes. Healed You have granted me sweet tears Angel drops to drown my fears Handed dreams in splendid might Took my hand and led this fight Nightmares chased from sight Painted dreams in beauty's glow Turned my tears to magic snow Cleared my way to fairies' play Touched my nights then kissed my day This is beauty's way And when evil loudly cawed You have burned the seeds they sowed Chased the nightmares from my eyes Turned my wails to loving sighs Bound me in love's ties You penned me tales of fairy lore And secrets never told before Then laid me down in love's soft bed And kissed my face, caressed my head And drank love's tears I shed I said "...my love, my shining knight You took my wrongs, and made them right You showed me love is sweet and grand You dressed my finger silver band You kissed my trembling hand" What never fore... it now can be What's never seen... I now can see What I have thought was dream... is real A heart I knew is dead, can feel My soul, dear love... you heal Insidious Word The infinite pain of one word. Like a poisonous gas, it seeps through the pores of the canvas that is my flesh. Creeping its way past muscles, tendons, and veins, Till at last it cracks its way through my bones and devours the marrow inside. goodbye It wriggles its way incessantly through the highways and trails of my arteries. Finding at long last its main objective, and slides stealthily inside my heart shouting its existence with a thunderous roar that echoing through my very soul... goodbye Now warm, at home between my ribs bathing in my life's blood, it whispers cunningly to me of all the sweet caresses that I will be missing. Of the kisses and soft moments now gone from my life when that one insidious word has to be spoken... goodbye Calliope I saw them in your eyes. Small kaleidoscopes of color. A universe of rainbows, swelling and descending like the tides I called you my Calliope, my dream catcher You smiled, and called me wife, lover, life That is when I saw them in your eyes, the rainbow like, capricious colors that beckon and call to my soul to come swim in the rivers of flowing vibrancy. I called you my Calliope... You called me your wife Memory "Are you a memory?" I asked You smiled and touched my face softly. "Would a memory be able to touch you, feel you?" I sighed. Touched your face in return. No. Not a memory. I could feel the roughness of your unshaved skin. "Usually you are a memory." I say with a tear in my eye. You wipe it up with your index finger then taste it. "I am real today." Then you kiss me creating yet one more memory for when you are gone again. Desert Blooming "The desert is blooming," I say. You look around at the red and brown dirt The red and brown people Then ask me "Where?" I walk over to a small stout cactus Pull a yellowing pod from between its quills Pricking my third finger on my left hand I let the blood drip on the dried up bulb Then stand back and watch it bloom in your hand. You smile and ask how I knew. "I was dry like the desert too. Till you made me bloom." Perfectly Cloudless We lay on our backs staring upward The sky a beautiful clear blue No clouds... anywhere Perfectly cloudless skies "I have never seen such a clear sky," you whispered "I chased all the clouds away for you," I whispered back We lie on our sides staring into each others eyes Yours so perfectly brown Mine so perfectly green And we see perfectly cloudless skies Crimson Ribbon I started unwrapping the gift Safely placing the long red ribbon to the side of the sofa. You eyed the long piece of satin with a devious look on your face. Elated over the birthday present I hugged you tightly about the neck. Words. You gave me words. You stood up before me Taking both my hands and placing them behind your back encircling your waist Turned around tying my wrists snuggly together trapping you in place. "What are you doing?" I asked giggling. You turned around to face me again. "Giving you your real gift now. Love." Wings Sunny, warm autumn day in the park. We had picnicked, so I was happy, full, and lazy. I lay down on the blanket and dozed off. I awoke, and saw spread out about me the beautiful vermilion, gold, and sage leaves of the trees in the shape of lovely butterfly wings. I saw you and smiled. "You gave me wings," I said. "You gave me love," you smiled and kissed me. I felt a spark as sharp as a dragon's tongue bite at my lip... I awoke with a start and looked around. Confused as to where I was and I saw them... Spread out on the bed was a crimson rose, and golden daisy petals in the shape of beautiful fairy wings. I saw you at the foot of the bed smiling. You leaned in and kissed me. Then my heart fluttered... and so did my wings. Seeds Sitting on the beach, we rifle through the sand like small crabs seeking a feast amongst the tiny grains. You hand me a small red grain of sand and tell me "That is a ruby for my desert queen." Smiling. I smile in return and hand you a well sought after piece of abalone shell. "That is the beginning of a rainbow for my poet king." Smiling. Hours passed in what seemed minutes as we sculpted dragon's fires, castle keeps, rainbows, jewels, and desires. So many desires, in so many grains of sand. Finally you hand me the plainest bit of sand through this entire game. I look at it quizzically. "And what pray tell is this my love?" I ask puzzled. "A kiss," you say as you lean in kissing me softly. "The first seed in our love's orchard." Dandelion Kisses I stood in my front yard Fluffy, white dandelion in hand and softly... blew Sending dozens of small, snowy parachutes to seek you out on the breeze. They floated across mountains and valleys, Lakes and oceans, forests and deserts. Some getting lost along the way But one... found its way to you. It landed on your cheek Sending a brilliant, warm sensation through your flesh. You reached up and plucked it off your skin walking inside Gazed in a mirror and saw, right where the dandelion wisp has landed... a kiss mark. You placed the small gift into a box where it was instantly at home amongst the hundreds of others just like it. Enough wisps to make a field of dandelions. You smiled and whispered onto the breeze.... I love you too. Love Me Not's I sat on the grass with daisy in hand slowly plucking its petals "He loves me..." "Loves me not..." "Loves me..." As I approached the end of its bloom it was apparent that the last petal would be... "Loves me not..." Tears welled in my eyes as I neared the last bit of gold flower flesh. You leaned in close and kissed the flower Suddenly... It was fully bloomed again! As I started plucking at the petals again I noticed that as I got close to the last of them, they would grow anew all over the flower. "How did you do this magic?" I asked "It is not magic, it is love," you said, Then kissed my lips, and... I bloomed. He loves me. Echoes I close my eyes. Try to sleep. But... The echo of my heartbeat keeps me awake. It is beating your name... Lover... Lover... Lover... I miss you... I roll over and try again. New position may help. Echo... Lover... Lover... Lover... No use. I miss you to the point of it causing a throb, A pain in my chest, in my soul. I get up and make some hot tea. Perhaps that will settle me. I cannot resist the call of the computer, My connection to you. So I log on and read your letters over and over, Read your stories and poems... Over and over. I pull up your picture and touch the screen. I miss those eyes. I miss those dimples. I miss You... I miss Us. I will sit and wait some more. See if you email, or log onto messenger, Then I will sleep some, and dream... Of you my love. Always of you. As I listen to the echo of my heart, Calling out your name. Leaves The leaves... Damnable scoundrels. Out to break his back as he rakes, and rakes, and rakes... Beautiful red, orange, and yellow pieces of agony He has now a huge pile... Ready to be stowed away in a hundred black bags. But not yet, no, something left to be done... I sneak up behind him, As a feline sneaks upon its prey... Slowly, stealthy, not making a sound... As I get closer, and closer... My heart pounds faster, and faster. He is just a few feet away now, Back to me as he stares at the small, colorful beasts That wish to do him in. He is so outnumbered. POUNCE! I take a running start... And knock him into the leaves, Rolling onto my back, as I pull him onto me Laughing hysterically as he tickles me And yells breathlessly... "You are an awful woman!" "Terrible wife!" "A saboteur!" Then he looks into my eyes, And I into his. Seeing the beautiful colors of autumn reflect In his rich caramel. He leans in close... Kisses me deeply... Whispers in my ear, "You are my dream come true..." Eve Revisited And I was, before existence. Lying motionless in utter blackness, Fetal position, awaiting an unknown birth. My creation. In this darkness I yearned for a light that was not yet known to my unborn eyes. Eyes that were clueless To the gold, orange, and silver of cresting rays of light, embedded in the kiss of an early morning sunrise. And I am... though I not yet be. I was, before the morning. Before the hazy afternoons, and evenings too. Though I knew not what ears were, my unmolded folds of pink flesh desired to hear... the song of mourning doves. Cooing a melody of praise to the spring rains backed up by a symphony of field crickets. To hear the flowing of rivers, and the flowing of seas, newborn infant cries, and.... your voice softly calling my name. You did, and broke through the vast and total silence of my eternal midnight encompassed womb Extolling tales to me of love eternal Telling me tales of fairies and knights and slaying of dragons. Of roses... ants and bees visiting this master of words. I shivered. I shook from the intensity of my want to be born. To be created. I stretched my limbs and felt my form come into being. I stole the images from inside your heart, from inside your dreams, Fair skin, slender fingers, fire for hair, and emeralds for eyes. You felt the burn, to the left of your ribcage. You reached down and plucked one slim bone from the cage encompassing your heart. You lay it on the bed and whispered... "Be!" The sharp surge of razor sharp tingles that ran through my flesh as I came into being. You leaned down and ever so softly kissed my newborn lips, breathing life's breath into my lungs and starting the thunder in my heart. The brilliant light that blinded me as I slowly opened my eyes to love, to you, my creator. And you smiled, and it was good. Counting Reasons You lie next to my nude form, on the cool white sheet of the bed. You start counting slowly the small brown sugar spots that speckle my skin. I look down at you quizzically and ask, "What are you doing?" Such a wicked little grin dances across your face as you answer matter-of-factly, "I am counting reasons." Frowning I say, "Reasons for what my dear?" "Reasons to love you," is your response. I have to laugh at this logic of yours, and as is my way, quiz you further, "And what do you do when you run out of freckles? Are you then out of reasons to love me?" The utter disheveled look on your face is comical. You answer... "Then I count stars, as many are in the heavens. Then I count raindrops, enough to fill oceans. Then butterflies, ladybugs, bumblebees, and flower petals!" This brings giggles and smiles in huge doses from me. When I finally calm down you look at a small freckle near the shoulder blade left side, and say, "The tinkling of that laughter is this freckle right here," and you kiss it. And the counting went on for... ever. Heaven's Canopy The day was cool and windy. I shivered and nestled closer to him on the park bench. He saw my discomfort and reached into the backpack by his feet, pulling out a woolly, plaid blanket. "Yay! A blanket!" I exclaimed in utter relief. "This is no ordinary blanket," he whispered to me, "This is a canopy of heaven." I looked at him through narrowed eyes. A canopy of heaven??? He has lost his marbles. I shivered some more, so he unfolded the blanket for me. "Now close your eyes and do not open them till I say," he told me with a slight smile on his face. I did as I was told and felt him cover our heads with the blanket. Suddenly I could no longer feel the cold wind, nor hear it for that matter. I felt sunshine on my skin, and heard birds singing. He softly kissed my lips and said, "Open your eyes now love." I did and saw not plaid overhead, but blue skies, soft fluffy white clouds, and sunshine. Birds were singing love songs to us. Indeed this was heaven. And as we snuggled under our canopy of heaven, people in the park must have thought us crazy. Then, again, they did not know what we knew. The Call I held the small black box to my ear. Moments before, I swear I heard from it... the tinkling of fairies singing heavenly tunes of love. I shook it fiercely, hoping to make the melodic sounds return, then held it to my ear once more. Straining to hear a sound... anything. Had I gone mad? Then again! The shrill laughter of hummingbirds, The mad humming of bees, The soft flutter of feathers, flapping on angels' wings. Yes, also the tinkling tunes of fairies singing to my heart. I smiled and said, "Hello my love. I was waiting for you." Memories In Stone With just the tip of my fingernail I traced the outline of your muscles defining each of them as a sculptor would. Like a Greek Goddess, creating a work of art which lay dormant in her soul for eons. Arms, chest, abdomen, thighs... no part of your body left untraced, untouched. I looked up at you, to see if you paid any regard to my actions. Wondered if you would remember this moment, this touch when the passions of my flesh are absent from your side, or would I be forgotten? in days, in months, in years? The look I saw in those caramel eyes said... never. I wanted that moment to stay concrete in your mind. as solid as marble, as hard as Hera's heart. I looked at your face, so ruggedly handsome. Like Greek Gods of the past. I moved close enough to kiss your lips, but did not. Instead I used merely the tip of my soft, wet tongue to trace the outline of your face. jaw, chin, neck. You shivered, sighed. Finally I knew, and tenderly bit your bottom lip, kissing you with the ferocity of a wildfire out of control. Years later, as we lay close to one another, you asked me... "Remember when?..." Smoke In My Eyes Memories like smoke drift through the air. I try to catch them, and hold them close to my heart again, but they slip through my fingers. Like a whisper soft, elusive. Like love. I tried to say I loved you, But that smoke got in my eyes. Saint Sane I prayed to a God that didn't exist He just lied. And I went to heaven’s locked gates, But just died. And sinners are popes, And the homeless are deity But no one cares. I discovered my clitoris is shaped like an ankh So female of me. And my hymen is a crucifix. So crucified I’ll be. And virginity is a farce And loyalty is sparse But who dares? All the tears that I cried have frozen A huge sheet of ice. Then shattered into millions of shards How they slice. And pleasure is pain So I’ll enjoy agony again But no one knows. Now some say I am as crazy as a loon A straight jacket case. And others think I am Saint Sane No falsities to trace. And my thoughts run amuck And my brain’s all a mess But no one cares, No one dares, No one knows. Harlequin Smile I smile like a carnival tune. (a magic rune) Covering the doubt and pain, with grease-paint and a pasted-on grin. (kind of a sin) But if people dared to look, or even cared to look, what would they see? (there is no magic in me) Behind the antics of a clown, (hides a frown) and under the white face, red lips, black lines... (do you see the signs?) it is just a circus life beneath it all, and I will put on my daily act, juggle the bills, tame the lions at the door, and at the end of the day... (I will wipe all the illusions away) smile through tears. Sit back now, and enjoy the show, (it's for you, don't you know?) as I wear this... harlequin smile. A Whisper A whisper... soft as a dove's feather, can cut through the night. Night, as thick as the black it encompasses, hard as marble or stone. It can slice its way through. Like a knife through fresh baked bread. Straight into your heart. A whisper... can steal into your dreams. Across time and matter, in a matter of time. It eases in like a burglar... swift and quiet. Unseen, unheard. Taking its prize then stealing off into oblivion. A whisper... Can tear your soul to shreds. With all the urgency of a thunderstorm, or the gentleness of a kitten at play. Strong as steel, though paper thin. A whisper... Can invade the deepest tombs of your heart. Open doors long locked, hid away from prying eyes. Leave its mark like the most secret of words in a diary, under lock and key. Discover things, feelings even you did not know existed deep inside your being. A whisper can change your life, can stir emotions, can change fate. A whisper, like the one you said to me as I lay in your arms drifting off to sleep... in a whisper, I love you. If... So Many Years Ago If I took your hand so many years ago, would we still be walking this broken road below? Would we still be dancing this dance so long and slow? If I took your hand, so many years ago? If I'd felt your touch so many dreams gone by, would we still be singing this sweet lover's lullaby? Would I still be holding in these tears I want to cry? If I'd felt your touch, so many dreams gone by? If I'd tasted your lips, so many kisses gone, would I be singing other words and praise awaking dawn? Would my heart at last feel right or wrong like times forgone? If I'd tasted your lips, so many kisses gone? And as my night time lingers on my heart does ponder so... Would we still be in love now, had we been... so many years ago? Hurt I saw the rose. The single most beautiful flower I had ever laid eyes on. I went to pick it, keep it. A thorn on its stem pricked my skin. shedding my life's blood in a crimson river down my hand. The wound in my flesh did not hurt. The blood creeping from my finger did not hurt. But, seeing this beauty wilt after I ripped it from its sanctuary... was the worst pain I have ever known. Memories Of Your Touch Satin wrapped in leather. The sensuality of years of unquenched desire finally finding fodder for its flame. Velvet and candle wax. A smoothness that aches for release, yearns for a canvas to paint its art. Silk with the coarseness of rope. Tying love in binds that seek no freedom. Seeking freedom in love's binds. Confines. Feathers with steel stems. Soft and sensual, yet tough and strong. A kiss, a caress, a grip, a shiver. Leather and lace. Fire and ice. Silk and sandpaper. Memories of... Your touch. I Saw You There I saw you in the sun Your flares catching my eye Drawing me with terrific force Casting shadows upon my existence Casting light upon my night. I saw you there... in the sun. I saw you in the moon Your lunar beauty catching my heart Causing the tides of my soul to rise and swell Casting dark upon my blazing days Chasing the burn from my fair flesh. I saw you there... in the moon. I saw you in the rivers and the seas Washing me in your warmth Cleansing my essence, my being, Carrying me downstream on a dream's whisper Out to sea on a lover's kiss. I saw you there... in the rivers and the seas. I saw you in the eagle's flight Wings spread in undeniable freedom Carrying my heart over mountains and forests, Taking me to the summit, and then carrying me down To your nest, to your home, to your heart. I saw you there... in the eagle's flight. I saw you in the firefly's dance Twinkling secret messages to me Of love unending, of wildflowers bloom, Of the fiery light of eternal love that consumed you As you consume me. I saw you there... in the firefly's dance. I saw you reflecting in my eyes As you caressed my face and stroked my hair Whispering sweet words of forever and ever I saw you flare with colors inside my iris I saw you glow with heat like the sun's corona. I saw you there... reflecting in my eyes. As I saw myself... In the sun, in the moon, The rivers and the seas, The eagle's flight and the firefly's dance, And finally... forever... reflecting in your eyes... Not All Prisons Not all prisons have bars... casting long trails of shadow upon the floors and walls, Leaving their stain on your skin as night becomes day day becomes twilight twilight becomes night Black as the feelings in my veins. Not all prisons are made of brick... Some are made of ventricles and veins Muscles and tendons and course the crimson flow of life through their corridors Not muggers, murderers, and thieves. Not all prisons have guards... Some rely on words, responsibilities, and games to keep you held at bay in a place of disdain Some have open doors, and smiles as false as a Mardi Gras mask A facade, within a facade, within a facade... Not all prisons are real... Some just seem so real, as to make you wonder if the sandman is playing a cruel dreamer's joke on you Like cotton candy, melting away at the touch of the warmest of fingers. But what if that touch never comes? Then, that prison is as real as the harsh words spoken as the whispers unanswered as the tears cried in vain... as me Arbor Dance Low hanging tree limbs from the oak in my yard Dance and sway in the summer breeze like a ballet goddess swan dancing for the first time Jade and emerald leaves mimicking tulle tu-tu's flowing with every movement hugging invisible curves Watching this surrealistic dance every pirouette, every Grand Jeté luring me into the story it tells One of softness, one of nature but most of all one of rebirth as the dead foliage of the previous seasons falls to the ground before it like an audience's homage, and rose petal dreams I wonder how it is that a tree can die, be reborn, die, be reborn and I only know how to die, as I am entranced by this arbor dance Milemarkers... An Anniversary I remember... The first time we spoke crackling noises and static of the phone lines The sweetness of your voice tone, inflection, everything underlying it I remember... when our eyes first met The honey brown melding with emerald green making a new color that even sunsets envied soft, sensual, laden with all the passion of stars We have walked down this road over bumps, gullies, and hills Through the storms of life furies of fate Upon reaching a milemarker we stop to catch our breath looking back at how far we have come the distances we have crossed, and survived I ask, "Do we continue?" You take my hand You take the first step looking forward Then I know the answer is not no It is not yes it is... forever Jade Defiance Defiance, Jade as my eyes when my temper flares, and my small fingers curl into fists Headstrong, My momma would say... "Don't flash those green dragon scales at me" For when I feel justice is not served, or wrong has been done to me, and mine, When I feel that I should not be held down... restrained... tethered... hobbled.... controlled... bottled up... tied down... and forced into reticence My jade, could burn a hole in society and all of its glass ideals that break when handled, and inspected by my small hands that have curled into fists of defiant rage Tear Dancer Tiny liquid ballet dancer, born from tear duct, left of eye, Born of sadness, little prancer, pirouettes, the tears I cry. Slowly swim in salty blindness, tiny liquid ballet dancer, Spin a trail down my cheek's kindness, born of sadness, little prancer. Breathless Floating swiftly. I need to find my way to you, my home, my heart, my peace. I caught a ride on a breeze, on a strong southward current across land, sea, time. I felt the coolness of the forests moistening me with its pine and oak vapors, I felt the blistering heat of the desert... dry as the bark on the mesquite trees, Listless as a spinster's dreams and wishes for love. I felt the humidity of the sea as the gulls squawked and cawed past me in a hurry to find land and whatever feast they could scavenge. Then I saw you. Lying in a field of low grass... daydreaming of love. I saw your skin, a treasure to the senses, I saw your hands and longed to be your lover, caressed by them in passion, I saw your eyes, closed now in reflective contemplation, and wished to drown in their syrupy brown hues. I was close, so close I could feel your hot breath on me, mingling in me. I heard you stir, roll, and claimed my chance at intrusion as you inhaled! Through your mouth, into your lungs. The long torrid journey through the blood stream till at last my final destination was in sight... As I nestled into the fibers of your heart, and heard it beating wildly as you lay dreaming, I knew that at last I was home. Blue Jean Ballerina Ragged blue jeans, grass stains, frays, Have seen many softball days, Pony tailed or just unfurled, Never primped or preened or curled. She steals third, slides into base, Sport skinned knees, small freckled face, Talks like boys, keeps girlish charms, Coldest hearts she just disarms. Yet each week, three days and nights Sheds the tomboy, wears pink tights Smiling bright, her feet a twirl, Dancing swan, sweet little girl. Parents' pride, friends' happy jeers (think Chopin with young boys' ears)... She's a bird, on stage a queen, Blue jean ballerina's dream. Definition I lay on my back in the flower field, our flower field, awaiting your touch... and dozed. Softly, the heat of your breath on my skin awakened me. Tender kisses, soft on my neck Blazing my soul. I looked up at the sky for long moments... silent. "What do you gaze at, love?" you asked. "Poet," my reply. You smiled as you saw me staring at the setting sun. Slowly the stars emerged, and I memorized as many as I could. "What are you looking at now, love?" you asked again. "Poet, my reply once more. This game continued through the night... Fireflies... poet. Moon... poet. Shooting stars... poet. Soft gray clouds... poet. Rising sun... poet. You did not tire of my eternal moonlight musing, just smiled at my redundant answer of... poet. Finally my eyes drooped, my breathing grew steady, and you leaned in close to see if I slept. Eyes fluttered, and a smile played on my face. You returned it with your own sweet grin, and asked me again, as I looked into your soul what it was I saw. "Love," was my reply as I slipped into your arms and a blissful sleep. 'Acious Curvaceous... My body is not so slim, nor my waistline small and trim, my buttocks not so firm and flat But, what I do possess, nicely fills out my dress. I am curvy, and quite proud of that. Audacious... Now that's just what you may be thinking of my smiling, and of my winking, or the smug look that often graces my face, Please there's no alarm with my style and charm, I was raised with a certain inner grace. Tenacious... Sometimes is the flavor of my way in all that I do and in all that I say. Do you think that you have figured me out? Don't be concerned by what I do, it's nothing to do with you, Don't worry man, I know what I'm about. Curvaceous, audacious, tenacious... me. Eternally Fingertips tracing small designs on my bare back. Flowers blooming, calling to the desire of bumblebees, and butterflies. Rainbows, sun rays, and clouds. I laughed... "That tickles!" Fingerprints tracing letters of long forgotten civilizations on my bare stomach. Tome, after tome of desire's rituals, of desire's secret languages. Forget-me-not's, and I love you's, all scribbled with the moisture of kisses. I smiled... "That tingles!" Eternity Drawing forgotten murals on my heart. Time, so brief, mocking us in our efforts to keep moments of bliss trapped, captive, ours for all of eternity. Image, after sweet image. Making the greatest of artist envious of our paintings. Perspiration, pheromones, love. Eyes closed, softly I moaned... "I love you." And eternity hides in shame from what it finally realizes... it cannot sunder us. Squaw (For mom) Born on her native people's land, A drab existence less then grand, Tan skinned, a cherub soft cheeked child Coal black of hair, brown eyes beguiled , She was a squaw. Her mother passed and then, alas, Adopted into whites, the lass Was daily taunted, cruelly teased, The brand new parents never pleased, She was a squaw. When Lennon sang his songs of peace She sought in love her soul's release, Her youth about to end its days And still a woman wild of ways, She was a squaw. At last a mother, full of pride Her life an ever crazy ride Carried a baby on her hip, Spoke up her mind, gave people lip, She was a squaw. The ebony has now gone grey, Her health has seen a better day, I still see pride inside her eyes That of her people, old and wise... She is a squaw. Goodbye To... Goodbye to... Pain.... Fiery lakes in the depths of hell's heart Full of lies and half truths that rip at the skin, tearing off pieces and chunks of the soul of the heart of the mind. Piece... by piece... by piece. Muscle, tendon and bone, crushed and defeated. Gone like tears that have fallen hungrily devoured by an earth as dry as my soul. Goodbye to Kisses... love... sanity. Goodbye to you goodbye to pain. Anniversary I fell asleep in springtime's shade, In lair of old oak branches laid, The sun went down and moonlight beamed, And then I dreamed, so deep, I dreamed. So soft... I thought your kiss's swish Upon my eyelids placed a wish, But no, what danced upon my eyes Was not your lips but butterflies. The flowers made a bed for me, Red roses... daisies... potpourri, And bumblebees in softest sighs Buzzed in my ears sweet lullabies. And as I slept the seasons changed, And constellations rearranged, Just dreaming on, with not a care In summer's honeysuckle air. I dreamt your touch upon my skin, I dreamt your song, a whisper thin, I dreamt your love... that mighty oak, While sighs old burning embers stoke. The summer leaves change brown and red, And flowers' petals start to shed, And butterflies and bumblebees, Prepare for autumn's chilling breeze, The winter's just beyond the bend, And still I dream of love no end, The drought in skin... the tangled hair... I slept, I dreamt with not a care. Then soft and white the snowflakes fell, Then froze my flesh, then froze my hell And if you wondered - where's my love? In dreams I hid... beneath... above... * A springtime's promised kiss to you In shades of green and love brand new, Then gone was I into the fray To seek old dreams through night and day. And still you waited for my kiss In rhyming words of lover's bliss Through summer seeking my return As in your chest desires burn. Then autumn's come and autumn's gone Your tears as sad as parting dawn, So desperate to see my eyes You wandered earth, you wandered skies. Cold winter found you tired, weak, Your face so pale, your spirits bleak, Beneath the oak, the sighing tree, You lay to sleep till springtime be. When... hidden there, in grass knee deep And lost in dreams and peaceful sleep You find your maid with eyes jade green Awaiting... how long has it been? A year of seasons come and gone, A year of sunset chasing dawn... You ached to touch my frozen skin So scared my frozen kiss to glean. You softly kissed my pale pink lips, And softer yet my fingers' tips, Then whispered gently loving words Which pierced my sleep like singing birds. I opened eyes to spring's delight, I opened eyes to marvel's sight, A love I dreamt one year too long Now crushes me in muscled song. And now we lie in heaven's bed And bathe in tears we ever shed, The dream once lost now found again Will never end, and love does reign. Melody Each day I wait to hear your song My life was just an empty street And now I'll wait a whole night long To hear your melody so sweet... How could this love be ever wrong? Each night I dream my wish for you My life's a long and broken road And now I'll wait a whole night through To hold your sweet poetic ode... How anything but this will do? Oh, dreams I dream of dreams of you and dreams I dream you dream for me And when my day is all but through your words will play my symphony. Oh, love I love your loving touch as satin words play on my skin And when my day's just been too much I hunger for your song and sin. Each morning singing mockingbirds Tell verses left from night before My life you filled and now your words Tell me of loves from times of yore... Of shining knights and soaring herds. Each day I wait to hear your song My life was just an empty street And now I'll wait a whole night long To hear your melody so sweet... Oh, yes... I know, this love's not wrong. And then I hear your melody. It's A Beautiful Night Outside It's a beautiful night outside. As the sky throws down a blanket of stars and they shine and shimmer brightly twinkling a tune, seemingly just for me... My spirit is calm, because it's a beautiful night. It's a beautiful night outside. The crickets rubbing their legs together sprinkling the air with such a lovely melody, the song they are playing a special tune... My soul's at peace, because they sing just for me. It's a beautiful night outside. The moon is smiling like a fairy child Grinning for me a sweet symphony, One of magic and love, of baby soft sighs... My heart's at rest in these soft lullabies. It's a beautiful night outside. As the soft wet grass beneath my feet Comforts my body, my mind, and my soul, Swaying in the springtime breeze so softly... My mind finally rests, as I lie beneath the trees. * And the stars are glimmering, as crickets croon, And the light is shimmering, as grass weds moon, My soul is rested, and at ease, Because it's a beautiful night outside, And I am finally at peace. Metamorphosis Worm? Slug? Caterpillar? Yes... a fuzzy, small, insignificant caterpillar. Creeping its way through life, unwanted, unseen. Chrysalis... Erupting with the brilliance of rainbows Of kaleidoscope skies. Of Aurora Borealis. Of you. Beauty? Radiance? Butterfly? Yes... A human once lost in low self esteem, bursting free of their societal cocoon At last seeing the truth that even the Mona Lisa is art Even her "not just right grin", is beautiful. Caterpillar, Chrysalis, Butterfly, Beauty, YOU Mollusks My walls, white crustaceous pieces of protection. I hid inside them for years, and years, and years. My walls... my safety. Ever so often I would peek out, see happiness, joy, tenderness, and steal a small grain. Dragging it back into my carapace, hiding it... hording it... spinning it in my dreams, till one day a small bundle of hope... my pearl. The tides moved in, and out again, Washing me ashore, only to have a brute pry open my husk, my wall, and steal my treasure from my grasp. The tides moved in, and out again. I am adrift once more. Time plays tricks on the mind when you close yourself off, and I lost track of how many pearls had been stolen, taken. Ten? Forty? One hundred...? Strand after strand after strand. Each nacreous bead guarded protectively, each taken from me with no regard to my loss. One last one. Scribed with words... hopes... wishes. Silvery opalescence. I wrapped myself about it, keeping it safe. Every now and then peeking out into the world, only to retreat into my shell again... safe. One day I peeked out, and saw... you peeking in. Scared I snapped my walls shut... and hid. Waited centuries it seemed, then peeked out. There you were, waiting, peeking in at me again. Reluctantly I spoke to you... "Did you come to steal my pearl?" "No my love, I came to offer you mine", was your answer. Hand extended in offering. I saw the ivory treasure... and smiled. Now we live in protective walls, as the tides are moving in, and out again. Stay As Springtime glory greets the day Like lovers young at heart and play And whippoorwills wed daffodils, In drying ink... stay lover, stay As Summer bakes the drying clay Apollo shares his golden ray And night time skies blink diamond eyes, In whispers soft... stay lover, stay As Autumn hosts a bright soiree Life's ships are docking at the quay And solstice air breaths cool and fair, In pleading eyes... stay lover, stay As Winter comes, so bleak and gray The seasons bashfully obey And lay to rest depths snowy crest, A lullaby whispers I... stay A Breeze Called Could Have Been I held a moment in the palm of my hand fingers relaxed Afraid to crush its very existence, to squeeze the magic from the memory and lose what is left of you I loosen my grip, turn my hand, and watch as the photograph falls slowly to the ground And that moment is lost forever on "a breeze called could have been" Lamented Just as my moon's silver beams have shined I had to dig way down deep to find That place in me, where lullabies sleep and it was indeed deep Lover please feel free to use my bone and skin to hide all your secrets within No one will ever see, except maybe for me but, we both know how that can be And when Romeo met Juliet, was she his dream? Or was her beauty really just a part of her scheme? Don't answer, no... hush I don't want to lose this rush just let this fairy tale carry us on its wing If I close my eyes, I can forget life's lies because you came along and chased them away So please stay Because if you go, then I will know this was nothing more than another daydream and I lamented my soul for nothing, but hope Solitary Light Grandiose, lost in a blanket of harsh cold as the ice that covers life in blistering frozen kisses yet through it all... a light And winter howls like an old crone in banshee whispers lost on the wind stripping everything of warmth yet through it all... a light Sadness soaking limbs and boughs in this brief season of sorrow Stealing into every root, every fiber, and still, through it all... a solitary light you Righteous Reflections All the lullaby sweetness from the mouths of Gods Is merely fodder for the self righteous moths of the mind In queen like manner they smite the wicked forgetting the most intolerable of all sinners and of all sins, haters and bigots, hatred and bigotry because they refuse to see their own biased reflection when they peer into that self righteous mirror Journey Long I passed through forests bright and green Still glowing under morning's sheen As far as I could send my eye The greenery caressed the sky In awe I sighed, then shed one tear... I miss you dear I passed vast golden fields and plains Still gleaming wet, just kissed by rains, As far as mind foresees or knows The wild hayseed wanders and grows, Exhaled, then tears my eyes did meet... I miss you sweet I passed the mountains, Glory be! Such majesty a sight to see From far to wide on wind's guitars Their peaks were serenading stars Short gasp, then tears with raindrops blend... I miss you friend I passed the desert hot and dry Where rainbow sunsets paint the sky And endless is the canyons view Each sunrise hands of angels drew Speechless, closed my eyes and knew... I miss you true Night Kiss As night settles slowly I am left in this emptiness, this void Dangling from the string of unfulfilled dreams Hanging above the myriad of all that has been, And will one day be When the blackness finally wraps me in her cool embrace and gently kisses my soul, I see millions of stars explode into oblivion and dream The Cat, The Dog, The Mouse I see the morning rising slow Like a scrawny alley cat, Stretching limbs, then to then fro Across my desert Shangri-la In her wake an orange glow As night then hides, from growling low She scales the valleys, mountain walls Behind her trails of faint cat calls I see the morning rising slow. I see the day which breaks the sky Like an old flea-bit hound dog, Chasing shadows, low and high Across my desert Shangri-la In his wake a blazing sigh The cat he’s chasing on the fly He runs through canyons, desert plains His howling end of daytime claims I see the day which breaks the sky. I see the night so lazy creeps Like a timid door-shy mouse, Sneaking’ in, way water seeps Across my desert Shangri-la Through his hues wild color peeps As then behind the dog it sneaks Prowling plateaus of peoples old And squeaking in the sunset bold I see the night so lazy creeps. Parchment Her skin is grey Old as parchment Look close now close See the tales therein? One of peoples without churches dancing round the fires light, One of callous Catholics, scorn in their blood blood not her own, in her veins unsown, One of southern comfort, uncomforting and the man with fists unrelenting, One of courting the devil, raising his young (and hers) and how lies float heavy in the air like peregrinating clouds, One of desert dust, thick as thieves stealing her baby’s breaths and heaven is as brown as the hard pan for her. Absolute in her convictions Pain bears no weight Life is a wait waiting Her skin is grey Old as parchment Read her story now… read Worth Do you think that a woman's worth lies In the buds of her breast Or the beat in her chest, In the depth of her eyes Or the V of her thighs? In her silken, shaved calves, In her wants, or her haves? In the wave of her hair? In her skin soft and fair? In the spark of her eye Or her lust’s ridden sigh? In the young that she carried Or the secrets she’s buried? In her skin, in her bone, Or her fragrant cologne? Or the touch of her hand Be she fair, be she tanned, In her soft, sexy speech, In the length of her reach, In the how she loves strong, In her right, in her wrong? Is this where you think her worth lies? Well, you are halfway right anyway... Savory Like bittersweet wine on my quivering lips, Like the fruit of the earth within my hefty hips, This face that could launch a all of thousand dream ships Savory Like dew kissing grass, or like late winter’s morn, Or like scent on the skin of a baby newborn, A life’s plenitude passing by without scorn Savory Like of love, oh so true, after hate’s evil drought And of languid wet dreams in the seasons of doubt And the speaking of words with a smidgen of clout Savory Corn silk (For Tony) His eyes were small and grey Like the not so silver linings of all of my life's clouds And his skin, oh so soft and smelled fresh Like a breeze in spring Best of all That corn silk hair Slight in curl fair But babies grow... they change he changed His eyes are now brown as the elder oak bark And that skin, well, it is fresh only now and then As for that corn silk it has gone nappy, coarse, and frizzed But his smile, melts my heart still Sonora Hard pan… Her skin cracked and aged Yet in the lines, the crevices, is… beauty She is timeless, ageless Older than the era of birth, and rebirth She is the seed of spring, and the elder tree all at once Your lover, mother, sister, daughter She is bounty, in a land of desolation She is desperation, in a time of hope Hard pan The pieces of a puzzle unsolved She is the young woman, guised as the old lady She whispers in the tongue of the quail Cries in the heart of the lone coyote She is nature, she is beauty, she is my desert Sonora Regret Thick as the sap from maple trees or the mud in half dry creek beds A black river that rises and swells in monsoonal glory Taking over the embankment that keeps you safe from truth, if the truth is that you wish upon a never was I could have been happy if… Words spoken by failed hearts, By guilt over rust caused by tears, caused by a never could have been situation Regret… May we never swim in its murky ways but I did, When you squeezed me I did Unfolded I unfolded in your palm like the early spring Magnolia bud blooming Seeking your fingertips to curl around my petals now full and ripe with honey sweet nectar waiting to be plucked in love-me, love-me-not fashion My dew slid down your wrist as you pulled that last petal with ease Inner Child I looked at you cherub faced With the innocence of who I was at seven before a man forced me to hide that sweetness (I thought forever) The child in me kind and gentle crept through the flesh of the woman shy timid scared Ready to return to that secret hiding place at the slightest hint of danger but, you smiled touched my cheek and declared me beautiful childlike Now I do not know any other way to look at you Chambers Take my hand now lead me through the secret chambers of your heart where you hide childhood memories and the precious things one keeps forever Show me your kindergarten guises and those wild boy ways play with me as the children we never got to be together Take my hand and show me the parts of you I missed before we die Drop Of Envy Time, the tiny grains of memory that run through our fingers passing seconds, minutes, hours till all oblivion runs out I caught one as it fell from your fingertips looked at it closely so closely and saw there the memory of your first kiss I envied her lips young and pink slightly puckered as if tasting a lemon coated in sugar I dropped that grain and cried Unbeckoned You come to me like a spring breeze unbeckoned Whispering soft now my ear bent by your silver tongue and I go to you like Autumn leaves dead upon the wind because you came to me a spring breeze unbeckoned Sun Burnt Red as a crab’s backside tender, and hot How could I forget this desert sun searing and the way it burns my flesh from white, to pink pink to red red to peeling? Sun burnt how my heart felt when I had to say goodbye Dreamer's Grace You lay them ever neatly cross the satin and the lace Tender, so sweet your kisses light upon my pillows case And as the night draws upon me I drift so light and heady and see the sandman dancing in moonlight growing steady They lay ever so neatly softly upon my dreamer’s skin kisses from my lover’s lips holding all his dreams within I close my eyes and see him dancing in the sandman's place My prince, my dream, my lover Locks me in his dreamer's grace How How do you mourn something that never was? Something that never came into existence, never graced your life. Something gentle and sweet, Melancholy as a whippoorwill song, Tender as a spring sunset. How do you grieve something unattainable? Like cool rain on a hot day, that never touches your skin. Like the fluffy white cumulus of a fresh cloud. Like a newborn breathing in the crisp air of an early April morn, Like the beckoning of death, welcomed. How? You paint it visceral, with all the pain in you. You slide it in a bottle, and throw it out to sea. You hide it in a closet, lock the door, and never open it again. or, You greet that beckoning call of death welcomed Dead Leaf Stem, The support that once held steel That made it seem as though through all eternity it could withstand Everything, now no more that a brittle stick Apex, Dried and withered as a ninety year old woman's hands After working her whole life, Merely to become a shell of who she once was Veins, They carried nourishment, the very source of existence Rivers of life through a bright green land Now empty, encasing nothing but dreams of long ago days Spring is lost, and the leaves have all dried up Loss That weight In your lungs That no matter how hard You exhale It stays The invisible Clinging In the back of your throat That gallons of sympathy Cannot wash down It’s stuck Those missed kisses Linger on salty lips That have bathed In tears In sorrow And apathy takes over It cries Till one day You awake And wonder what you lost Searching drawers, cupboards, closets And just when relief is in sight A scent A sound A smile… And the sky Falls upon you Crushing life from those heavy lungs Mourning Unspoken The simplicity of words And the human hunger to have them Written, spoken, heard, tasted… Unraveled in my hands Like the tiny threads from a baby blanket No longer needed Whispers are but a tease Taunting that desire, to have A sensual beckoning of the soul Forgotten after the words pass the lips Like a cat’s hiss A momentary bliss I will just sit, and rock With empty arms, empty hands, empty hopes and dreams And mourn my forgotten losses Merely to drown in the tears That I cannot shed Bittersweet Homages Kisses wither like a rose Words are lost inside the prose Vows, they melt like fading day And yet, I stay Lies, like ivy, cling to me Hurt, despair, so deep the sea Anger, ridden like a horse Still, I’m on course Lover’s touches, made of mist Springtime’s just a passing tryst Words unsaid cut like a knife I’m trapped in life “Once upon”…has never been Happiness remains unseen Yet I stride, and I go on Till I am gone Flickering Love like a candle that dances and shimmers with each exhaled breath, with each sigh nearly extinguishing light from time to time I screamed from pain, overbearing pain and the breath, like a torrent storm blew the flames to a flickering dim But It stilled, and shadows danced in joy as the golden flames rose once more strong as all the fires in Hades’ imagination Love The Supplication Of February And May In February Buried in supplication I inspected you Tiny toes, on tiny feet One through five, twice over Two arms, two legs, anatomically correct Tiny fingers on tiny hands Thumb through pinkie, twice over The small patch of dark hair Tufted as a baby goose And the smell, So new, so fresh But your eyes held a blank stare And I could not see your forever in them As I baptized your pallid face in salt In February we met and parted, and I lost my God * In May Buried in supplication I inspected you Tiny toes on tiny feet One through five, twice over Two arms, two legs, anatomically correct Tiny fingers on tiny hands Thumb through pinkie, twice over The wild patch of dark curls Like infantile waves lapping the shore, your brow And that smell… Baby powder and kisses New And in your eyes I got lost in forever, and ever, and ever… As I baptized your crying face in a salty love, joy In May we met you stayed I found some faith Beautiful Hey girl I see you standing there alone, drink in hand hair and makeup all done looking like you are made of stone Watching others laugh and shout As if they know what life’s about You see them dancing-having fun (does it make you wanna run?) In this club, or maybe a bar Let them think they are the star But I see beyond your frown and pout Alone, you had the courage to come out Though you are not dancing, Or acting a fool… I see you girl You are beautiful Hey girl High school lunch time You sit all alone… writing poetry No one will ever see You don’t wanna be a drone So the cheer leading squad, the preps and the mods Call you a geek, or a freak Still you dare to shine While all they do is bitch and whine Cause mom and dad won’t buy them foreign sports cars (but American made instead) As you wear thrift store bargains They parade polo, and are Tommy Hilfiger clones But I see you girl Strong enough, proud enough, to eat lunch all alone I see you as bright, not dull… And you are beautiful Hey girl Single mom With the worries, and the woes No man can bear to withstand You have nothing but the eager faces of your kids To help you stand and lend a hand Nights are lonely, and days are hectic Yet you trod on… bagged lunch, empty bank account; you just accept it I see the beauty, Not that you used to be, but are Kissing boo boos, washing dishes, paying bills (seems life has lost its thrills) And though your clothes are wearing thin, your kids' are not Sacrifice is a mothers gift, comes with the afterbirth, it's all you've got Times come when you look in the mirror and wonder Exactly what you’ve become I see you momma, as you your life you examine and mull… And you are beautiful She Cries She awakens with the dawn, breaking through the light like a newborn child being birthed Stretching her limbs towards the sun in supplicated salutations And the river flows by... toxins, plastic bottles and beer cans bags, glass, and the unwanted regard of mankind She cries To the east, A mill spews its poisons killing the air The birds, the fish, the deer and the bear She cries To the north, The lumber yards clear cut acre upon acre, and the forests slowly disappear Squirrels, rabbits, raccoons, and opossum are dying She cries To the west, Cities are leaping up where once a nearly magic glen once was The concrete devours the moss as the smog suffocates souls She cries To the south, The prey becomes the predator so that rich women may sport the shorn furs Of the mink, the chinchilla, the fox She cries As the sun sets she curls into a shell of who she once was dying like the day, and she cries… mother nature cries Devouring Doubt I saw it in your eyes Doubt Rearing its head like a blazing stallion Determined to kick me off its back Into the depths of hell, loveless I refused to go Grabbing you tightly I kissed you, my tongue plunging Into the deepest parts of your soul Wrapping vise-like around the doubting seed Pulling it writhing from within you, against your will Against your ability to deny me what is rightfully mine I refused to give in The mistrusting beast removed, with a final tug It spewed forth in long ribbons of cursed words Begging to be allowed back in, to be allowed to pollute you And your thoughts and beliefs in me, in us You looked at me in disbelief I never gave up, couldn't give up And devoured that beast, that sin No more doubt, just love, just us Sonvanger Memories Carefully I made holes, one on each end in the colorful pieces of seaglass Then, ran the string through tying piece to piece, to piece promises and dreams dangle in the breeze This one is amber like the words you spoke warm tender so many amber kisses And this one, it is green, happy how I felt with the dreams of your touch of your body fire Here is red, passion promises of passion run like a child up and down the strand lighting small fires, that will fizzle dissipate Blue so many blue tears, and tears, and tears... These fragments of glass that were once jagged and broken like my dreams of us, and your promises now smoothed by time catch the sunrays on my porch and hold them for me A reminder in each memory each word, each color that friendship where there was love is sunrays, where there was fire, but heat is heat and memories are my Sonvanger Acoustic Change Dreams like leaves acoustic dance on the wind in sun catchers' glint sugar promises shine like far off stars, like your eyes and all the heaven that they held now just memories in spring’s breeze as seasons change, captured sun rays warm me Demi I saw you flapping, field flowers in demi fae dance pirouettes on petals, on light, on memories Your gold, orange, red wings blending with the season’s fallen leaves on sweet grass gone to seed A play for my eyes, beguiled lost in a symphony of color-light-color-motion a song for love, for dawn, for life where I can get lost in beauty forget pain hate lies Till one day I shall join the butterfly dance in Elysium fields and dreams a demi fae dance... in a demi life Extraordinary Simple I do my own wash and take out the trash I iron (when I need a crease) My house is plain, so is my hair My nails are not done and I wear my pajamas half the day on weekends I am simple, I am plain, I am average I mow my own yard and walk the dogs every day I don't shop at Sachs (prefer the bargains at Wal-Mart) I have never been to a day spa and will never wear a fur coat My cards all are at their limits at least the ones that aren't maxed I am unexceptional, I am common, I am natural I throw water balloons at my kids Play video games Rent children’s movies (and often cry over them) I don't go to the opera or have season tickets to the ballet I drink beer from the bottle, not champagne from crystal glasses I am elementary, I am uncomplicated, I am unpretentious But... Look harder, dig deeper, scrape the layers away and I know that what you will see is... I am extraordinary, simple, as can be I am glimmer, I am glamour, I am me I Will I will be the one to baptize your morning lips kisses long and sweet. And I will be the last thing you taste before drifting off to sleep. I will hold your dreams close to my beating chest and offer you love’s screams evening’s wild bliss as your fantasies I mold. I will walk beside you long and weary through life’s tiring journey and hold your tired hand as we head into the sunset of years both gold and grand. I will be the one you confide all your troubles to and dreams and hopes and prayers and share my all with you. I will speak in reverence of your mom and dad like kings and queens of valleys lost of heaven’s promised land for you... I will do all this, and more, so much more... May I Write For You? May I write you poetry, a river’s width and length Then douse it in my wanton tears and pour in it my strength, To pen you sonnets Browning style and haiku’s short and sweet, Then etherees penned tenderly, my words, my heart’s conceit?... May I sing you lullabies and dirges of my soul, Confide in you this love will be my life’s eternal stroll, Then sing you tales of old, then tales of love, refreshing, new, And as the night above me creeps, dream sweetest dreams of you?... * May I write my love and fire brimming songs with heart’s desire, May I pen my dreamland’s kisses preying lust my body misses, May I wish your dreams enlacing ribbons ever mine embracing, May I love you, keep you, rhyme Nothing less than end of time?... An Era 1945-1975 The detachment of limbs-souls-parental gen-ode sentiments Torched like a draft card in Woodstock frenzy Who foots the bill for the great "Charlie" hunt agent orange and shell shock memories that rewind-repeat-refrain from an antidote; and synonyms? Dillon sang his dirges of the all American anti-commie seventeen year old virgins in Ho Chi Min deathbeds crossing Cambodia secrets carried to a grave six feet deep and full of all he could have been, never will Yet it's not a war man. No. It's a conflicting purge of a police action A nation dies in blood battle pieces of men; of boys and our anthem is sung in saliva slinging at uniforms mucus running down stripes, screw the stars and raise the bars Let them live in wheelchairs and PT SD fantasies Get high, chant your antiwar mantra, and give peace a chance Child Mine (for my kids) Delicate, I saw your pink skin scented like carnation buds, and lilac you are new, like spring though my heart has held you since my birth Innocent, like butterfly wings your smile a swallowtail heaven that gleams and shines and blinds the stars envy of angels, so harsh compared to you Bright, your gift of light making the sun cringe in utter blindness painfully hiding in shame from your glow you are the rise, the setting, the glare of a million stars Small, infinite giant in your minute stature you enfold all of eternity in the delicacy of small fingers playing a peek-a-boo game as you grasp hearts small, not meek, my world encompassed - my child Jericho Falling Youth, as harsh as forty years of exile Wandering the arid desert in the fortified thought That one day happiness will be mine Pain, hate, anger, hunger The bricks that built the foundation of my walls Mighty, reaching to the stars... to heavens And the walls were started in a childhood of lost hopes Folded dreams Maturity as dry as papyrus scrolls No sensitivity in the crisp whiteness so blank, so bleak Awaiting the words of peace to be penned on nothing Hurt, rape, sorrow, fear The mortar and blocks that would solidify like concrete and keep me safe Tower upon tower, hurt upon hurt; a fortress And the walls were finished in the adult maturity of broken promises Extinguished stars Then you came Liked Joshua with the promise of conquering the impregnable Of taking the unshakable Of having what is rightfully yours Your trumpets blared in an angelic chorus of love love love You circled, and watched, and waited Days passed, and from the safety of my fortress I wondered... Your trumpets blared with the fire of passion and truth You circled, and watched, and waited Hours and minutes sifted through your hands like sand, and I shook anticipating Your trumpets blared with all the thunder of the mighty God of Mount Sinai You circled, you watched, you waited Then... Reached over my barricades, through my barriers, and cried out in triumph, as my walls crumbled my fortress fell my world disintegrated my Jericho died And love was what was gained Requiem She plucked the petal, watched as it drifted slowly to the floor. “Loves me” The recent memory of the letter she had found branded into the tender flesh of her brain, positive... pregnancy... test... not her own, but his mistake's, his lover’s. “Loves me not” The confrontation between them, his declarations of unrelenting love to her, the other woman’s tears and screams… “Loves me” Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months, till a small weary faced baby boy with his eyes begged for a father. Thunderous clap! The police found the note, found the body, found the daisy one blood stained petal still clinging precariously to its stamen and an answer they could never see… “Loves me not” Variegated You scratched the surface layer, after layer, peeling away hair, freckles, skin... muscle digging, creeping, searching deep down For what? I bled, honey sweetness onto pages my heart screaming words it never knew before like an interpretation of my words, to yours singing, screaming, crying... questioning An answer? Colors seeping from the wound reds, greens, purples, blues... you touched your finger to them and painted a rainbow in my eyes Love, unending love... Aphrodite Tokens Do you think you put the pride in my stride? Or the pep in my step? No, man... They were mine before Adam ever knew Eve. Do you think you wrote the words I have sung? Filled the air in my lung? No, sir... I possessed them before the seconds hand of the clock ever spun. I did not come from your rib, But from my mother’s womb. Brought into this world with her pain and her joy, Her sweat and her tears. It was a woman who gave me life, Took this man's seed, and made it bloom. Her blood is my sap, not the one of that chap. Do you think you placed the goal in my soul? Am I so wrong to be strong? Hell no, brother... I was who I am, before the stars ever shined! Do you think my attitude is rude? Do I offend because I won't pretend? Sorry again my friend... I am woman, I am mighty, mightier than Aphrodite I am no token, can't you see?... I am me.