Divorce
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Professor Cooper
English 111
5 April 2011
Divorce: The Easy Way Out
It’s no secret that over the past few decades, divorce rates have
continuously risen in number (Belsky 329). This statement is fascinating, and it
leads me to ask: Why are divorces more prevalent than in recent decades? Most
of the time, divorce is more than a couple separating, it is the tearing apart of a
family. The focus of this paper will address: how age plays a role in divorce
rates, the ways people view divorce and why, the laws on divorce, reasons for
divorce and the effects on the family unit.
Trying to determine why divorces have increased is a worthwhile question
because divorce is very hit or miss with people. Some are very against it; others
have no preference, while certain individuals are in favor of it and everything it
stands for. I want to explore the reasons that have led divorce to become so
common. With statistics saying that about fifty percent of first marriages end in
divorce, something has to be going wrong with our culture (Divorce Rate). What
is going wrong? The answer to this question is going to have a very complex
answer.
Divorce is a word that many understand, unfortunately even young
children. Most individuals know the definition of divorce sadly due to personal
experience. With many different experiences, you are bound to get a variety of
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possible definitions. However, Webster’s definition of divorce is this: “The action
or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage.” This is a very standard view of
the word; it simply means the ending of a marital status. With divorce happening
so commonly these days, it raises the question: What currently is the national
divorce rate?
According to recent studies in the United States, eleven percent of the
population is currently divorced and twenty-five percent have previously been
divorced (Robinson). Divorce magazine states that the divorce rates in 2005
were actually the lowest it has been since 1970, at 3.6 per 1000 marriages,
which is down from the pervious census in 1990 at 4.7 per 1000 marriages.
Divorce Magazine also found that the marriage rate is down from previous years,
going down from 7.8 per 1000 marriages to 7.5 per 1000.
Now, taking a look outside the U.S. and looking at other countries’ divorce
rates, we learn that China’s divorce rates have also increased. In China, since
the increase of their economy over the past few years, their divorce rate has
increased from 0.33 in 1979 to 1.59 in 2007, and the percentage of remarriages
among the people who married each year increased from 3.05% in 1985 to
10.24% in 2007 (Wang). In Europe, specifically England and Wales, there were
about 160,000 divorces in 2002. This was a two percent increase from the
previous year (Divorce Rate). Divorce Rate also states that marriages in Japan
dissolve at a rate of twenty-five percent. The phenomenon of divorce is a
worldwide happening. It is not just localized to one specific country. The high
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rates of divorce are attributed through many different cultural conflicts, not just
one specific culture.
The age in which people get married is also a factor of the divorce rate. It
seems that the younger the couple gets married, the higher the risk is to become
divorced. Thirty six percent of women who are married between the ages of
twenty to twenty-four are divorced and thirty-eight percent of males in this age
category are divorced as well. The older the couple gets married, however, the
better the chance the marriage lasts. A woman who marries between the ages
thirty-five to thirty-nine is only five percent likely to be divorced and males only six
percent (Divorce Rate). This statement proves that the older the individual is
when they consider marriage, the more likely it is to end successfully. This fact
could be because of various reasons, but it seems that a very logical conclusion
for this is because the couple is older, more mature, and they know what they are
looking for in a life partner. There is not much room for error when they have had
years to perfect what they, as individuals, need to live a happy life.
The reasons people get divorced vary about as much as their definition of
divorce. The world is full of people with their own ideas and opinions; that is the
beauty of individuality. Knowing the reasons of divorce are vast in number, so are
the thoughts behind it. People disagree with divorce, some are on the fence, and
others totally support it. A few of the deciding factors people use to help
determine how they feel about divorce range from the media, to their religion,
and their morals.
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It seems everyone in Hollywood gets divorced. Even America’s
sweethearts cannot make it, for example, Brad and Jen. They were Hollywood’s
hot couple and then they split, setting the tone for divorce across America. Just
like celebrities establish new fashion trends, they have a say in marital status.
Individuals think, if celebrities do it, we must not be the only ones who cannot
stick this out; it is okay to get divorced then. Even television is getting into the
hype; the show Divorce Court gives couples divorces on television. This seems
to be a little too much and way too casual. Marriage used to be a forever and
always commitment and the marriage licenses are being thrown aside like a
paper bag in the wind.
However, the Bible is often referenced when it comes to divorce. The
union of marriage is thought to be a spiritual event and the Bible has some things
to say about ending it. In Mark 10: 4-10 of the bible, Jesus says this specifically
about divorce:
Moses allowed a certificate of divorce to be written, and to divorce her.
But Jesus said to them, "For your hardness of heart, he wrote you this
commandment. But from the beginning of creation God made male and
female. For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will
join to his wife, and the two will become one flesh,' so that they are no
longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together; let no
man separate. (1914)
This direction straight from the Lord’s mouth is a major factor in how people
make their opinions of divorce. If the couple is religious, they usually try to put
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their faith in this establishment and not separate. Katie Gilbert says this about
religion: “Religion is a buffer against breakup. ” Religious people seem to
oppose divorce more than those that just fly by the seat of their pants and have
no faith. Individuals that have no faith usually base their views of divorce solely
on their morals.
With divorce meaning a legal separation, it implies that the law is involved.
The Divorce Reform Page says that there is a law that was passed that says as
long as the parents are in agreement with the divorce and what happens to the
children, they really do not need much legal intervention. They become divorced
easier. There is also a bill in Washington that specifically lists numerous
“reasonable” reasons for a divorce. The fourth reason this law states is
understandable for divorce is this: “The other party is habitually addicted to
alcohol or drugs (Stevens- Divorce bill).”
With laws like these being passed or trying to become passed it is no
wonder why the number of divorces has increased over the years. The law is
responsible for allowing this legal binding to easily dissipate and simply end. The
law should make getting into this establishment harder. Pre-marital counseling is
a great step towards allowing hopefully meaningful marriages. This should be
done in every engagement. This would mean that the wedding chapels in Las
Vegas would have marriage counseling, which would mean that drunken
marriages wouldn’t be allowed to happen. Marriage is for the long haul and the
marriage licenses should not be passed out as easily as they do. The couple
should have to work to get married, just like they do to end the marriage.
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Once the couple gets into their marriage, they can decide to end it for
many reasons. Some feel the economic hardship and cannot handle the
pressure. Studies have shown that most people stick out the marriage during the
economic recession because a divorce is too expensive, but once the economy
turns around the divorce rate spikes (Lee). However, there is some hope. Not
everyone gets divorced for this reason. Lee also mentions that thirty-eight
percent of the couples thinking about divorce prior to the recession put aside
those plans because of the need to be needed by their partner. The saying,
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going,” is a great motto for all married
couples. The marriage is for better or worse, richer or poorer, not to run away
from each other at the first signs of turmoil. I think many couples can learn a lot
from the thirty-eight percent that were determined to stick out their marriage.
Fighting for this sacred commitment is a very noble fight.
There are other reasons that some feel the need to divorce. Many of
those reasons are based on emotions, such as feelings of entrapment; maybe
fear, or they may say they “lose the spark”. Other reasons range from being
married too young and being too immature, to adultery. Everyone has different
reasons for their divorce, but it seems that most divorces have one thing in
common, the relationship lacked communication. Most all problems can be
solved with communication and it seems that over the years most couples forget
how and what it means to communicate effectively.
One of the biggest issues with a divorce is when it affects more than just
the bride and groom. If the couple has children, the kids are going to be affected
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in all situations. According to a University of Virginia psychologist, about twenty
percent of the children in a divorce have severe behavioral problems, as
compared to about ten percent of children whose parents did not divorce (Smith).
Not only does divorce effect behavioral problems, it is an emotional stressor. The
parents are no longer in the children’s lives as they once were. Parents
separation leads to shared custody, new step-parents, battles between holidays,
which creates tension, and that is no good in any family situation.
It is very apparent that divorce is not a lighthearted issue. There are many
different aspects to these individual situations because not every divorce
happens the same way or for the same reasons. The divorce rate has increased
for numerous reasons. Troubles with the economy take a toll financially on
marriages creating tension and disagreements. Lacking good communication
skills can also do a number on the marriage. How people view divorce can vary
too. Some believe in religion and how their religion tells them to view divorce,
while others use their personal compass to guide them through life. In the end
though, it seems to be mutually agreed upon that divorce definitely affects the
surrounding family.
In my opinion, divorce is a cheap way out. When individuals recited their
marriage vows, they made promises to themselves, to their significant other, and
to the witnesses of the wedding, that they were going to love that other person
until death hastily separates them. Unfortunately, I think that these words meant
something more to every engaged couple a few decades ago, than these words
mean now in our generation. It’s quite sad if you think about it. If marriage vows
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are not strong enough promises to keep, what does that say about our everyday
promises as a whole generation? To me, it seems like we avoid hard work and
cannot be kept accountable for our promises. We will break them no matter who
they hurt, just so we can be happy and take the path of least resistance. I think
our generation as a whole and lawmakers need to reassess where our loyalty will
stand. If we cannot be loyal to our life partners, our world will surely fall apart
within a given amount of time. Divorce should be more difficult. Hold people
accountable for the promises they make.
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Works Cited
Belsky, Janet. Experiencing the Lifespan. Second ed. New York: Worth
Publishers, 2010. Print.
"Divorce." Def. 1. Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. Merriam-Webster,
Incorporated, 2011. Web. 7 Mar. 2011.
"Divorce Rate." DivorceRate. N.p., n.d. Web. 7 Mar. 2011.
<http://www.divorcerate.org/>.
Gilbert, Katie. "The making of a strong marriage." Psychology Today 39.3 (2006):
14. General OneFile. Web. 12 Mar. 2011.
Lee, Amy. " Recession Divorce Rates: Marital Unions Unraveling As Economy
Bounces Back?" The Huffington Post. N.p., 11 Feb. 2011. Web. 2 Mar.
2011.
Robinson, B. A. "Divorce and remarriage U.S. divorce rates for various
faith groups, age groups, & geographic areas." ReligiousTolerance.org.
Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 27 Apr. 2000. Web. 7 Mar.
2011.
Smith, Lynn. "Effect of Parents' Split on Children is Divided." SIRS Discoverer.
Los Angeles Times, 12 Apr. 1998. Web. 8 Mar. 2011.
Stevens, Senator, et al. "Washington divorce bill involving counseling, mediation,
mutual consent, children - 1997." Divorce Reform Page. American
Divorce Reform, 31 Jan. 1997. Web. 8 Mar. 2011.
The Bible. Wheaton Illinois: Crossway Bibles, 2008. Print. Teachings About
Divorce. English Standard Version.
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"US Divorce Statistics." Divorce Magazine. N.p., 2011. Web. 7 Mar. 2011.
Wang, Qingbin, and Qin Zhou. "China's divorce and remarriage rates: trends and
regional disparities." Journal of Divorce & Remarriage 51.4 (2010): 257+.
Academic OneFile. Web. 7 Mar. 2011.