I May Not Be
Perfect But Parts of
Me Are Excellent
Communication /Behavioural Styles
RYLA South
March 2012
Communication Styles
Communication Styles
Different Drums and Different Drummers
“
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours or none given to same circumstances try not to
ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
I do not for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only
when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
”
Page 1
Communication Styles
The Importance of Speaking
Their Language
One frequent cause of miscommunication is the common tendency to favour one
particular style of communication, often at the cost of being insensitive to styles, in
others as well as in oneself. Ideally, we should be:
 Conscious of our own preferred style;
 Able quickly to detect other preferred communication styles; and
 Able to adjust our own style to that of another person.
This flexibility in communication results in a number of payoffs, in terms of both
personal insights and getting on the same wave length with another person.
The primary value of this communication style unit is to assist you in overcoming a
major problem in communication — getting through to others. Most of us can readily
identify an individual with whom we have great difficulty in communication; likewise we
can also name individuals with whom it is very easy to communication. This unit helps
to demonstrate how you can have the same easy rapport with everyone; once you
know an individual’s style you can modify your communication to match that style.
This is called style-flexing or ‘speaking their language.’
Page 2
Communication Styles
Communication /
Behavioural Styles
Each of us has a recognizable, habitual communication style or set of behaviours.
Because we tend to prefer a certain style, however, does not mean we are restricted
by it. Each of us is capable of engaging in other communication / behavioural styles.
Being able to recognize another person’s primary communication style, and being
able to then adjust our own style, can go a long way toward managing our differences.
According to psychologist Dr. Carl Jung, people’s communication tends to stem from
two main categories of behaviour:
1. The degree to which their communication is informal (i.e. relationship-oriented,
emotive) or formal (i.e. task-oriented, withheld); and
2. The degree to which their communication is passive (i.e. indirect) or dominant
(i.e. direct).
“
”
The ear is the road
to the heart.
~ Voltaire ~
Page 3
Communication Styles
Formal
Informal
Often perceived as …
Often perceived as …
Conscientious
Casual
Reliable/Responsible
Less Reliable
Task Oriented
More Flexible
Structured/Controlled
Open
Regimented
Warm
Disciplined
Emotionally Expressive
Refined & Elegant
Relationship Oriented
Precise
Unstructured
Perfectionist
Less Disciplined
Stiff/Stuffy
More Creative
Conservative
More Spontaneous
Less Flexible
Liberal
Prim & Proper
Impulsive
Tidy/Neat
Approachable
Organized
Sloppy/Untidy
Cool/Aloof
Less Detailed
Less Approachable
More Relaxed Sense of Humour
Less Risking
Less Organized
Less Spontaneous
Laid Back/Mellow
Emotionally Withheld
More Colourful Dress
Concerned with Status & Etiquette
More Individualistic
Dry Sense of Humour
More Vulnerable
Cerebral
Less Concerned with Status & Etiquette
Page 4
Communication Styles
Dominant
Passive
Often perceived as …
Often perceived as …
Assertive
Non-Assertive
Gives Out Information (Tell)
Easy Going
Louder
Asks for Information
Verbal (Articulate)
Good Listener
Honest
Observant
Demanding
Quieter
Impatient
Follower
Opinionated
Indecisive
Forceful (Effective)
Empathic
Results Oriented
Kind
Ambitious
Calm
Risking
Nurturing
Decisive
Patient
Stimulating
Tolerant
Easily Bored
Accepting
Leader (High Profile)
Less Ambitious
Able to Confront Conflict
Relationship Oriented
Confident
Less Risking
Bossy
Procrastinates
Intense
Power Behind the Scene
Enthusiastic
Open Minded
High Energy
Stable
Outspoken
Loyal
Page 5
Communication Styles
The Behavioural Matrix
Informal
PROM OTER
SUPPO RTER
Dominant
Passive
CONTR OLLER
ANAL YZER
Formal
“
The greatest barrier to
communication is the
illusion that it has been
achieved.
”
Page 6
Communication Styles
The Four Communication /
Behavioural Styles
Recognition
Pleasure
Autonomy
Informal
Get Results by:
Innovation
Promoter (Intuitor)
Humanitarian
Lover
Physical Comforter
Get Results by:
with People
Supporter (Feeler)
Dominant
Passive
Achievement Controller (Doer)
Honesty
Power
Analyzer (Thinker)
Order
Justice
Knowledge
Get Results by:
People
Formal
Get Results by:
Systems
Page 7
Communication Styles
Controlling Style
People with a controlling style tend to be active, independent and ambitious, giving an
appearance of self-confidence. They take the initiative with other individuals and in
groups and enjoy orchestrating things, which they usually do with a take-charge
attitude. Controllers like information and often make it their business to discern the
who, what, where and how of any given situation. They are generally strong-willed
and forceful and are willing to confront others about their ideas and attitudes. They
usually make decisions easily and rapidly, which conveys a sense of efficiency and
perhaps urgency. As a result of a strong task-oriented approach, it may be difficult for
the controller to demonstrate emotion. Preferring order and organization, controllers
can make order from chaos easily and naturally. They like to be fully in charge of a
situation and may resent others having power over them; they want to run all parts of
their own life.
They will look to other people for results but may not offer encouragement, inspiration
or support to them. They can be demanding at times and may work to meet selfdescribed objectives without realizing their behaviour might be irritating to others.
They will be seen as competent and determined, but at times may push too hard and
be too critical of others. They are likely to want to get the job done first before taking
time to work on interpersonal relationships and because of this may experience the
"lonely-at-the-top" syndrome.
People with a controlling style tend to lack patience and may not find it rewarding to
work with the same project over a long period of time. They may need to strengthen
their ability to listen to others and recognize the importance of feelings as well as
logic. Generally, controllers are punctual and keep their agreements as if they were
sacred vows.
In a job setting, people with a controlling style will generally respond to a fast-moving
challenge and will get bored if they find the pace too slow. The need for personal
success may limit their ability to be cooperative with others in accomplishing the
organizational goal. Not having the situation under their control may raise anxiety
levels. They tend to set objectives and work toward them in an orderly fashion.
Because they direct energy towards task results, others will naturally accept their
authority and leadership.
While on one hand the controller may be seen as efficient, cool, competent, organized
and in-the-know, they may also be perceived as arrogant, power driven, self-centered,
rigid and without emotion.
Page 8
Communication Styles
When Working with the High Controller
Do
Don’t
Be clear, specific, brief and to the point.
Ramble on or waste their time.
Stick to business.
Try to build personal relations.
Come prepared with all requirements,
objectives, support materials in wellorganized “package.”
Forge or lese things; be disorganized or
messy; confuse or distract their mind from
business.
Present facts logically; plan you
presentations efficiently.
Leave loopholes or cloudy issues — if you
don’t want to be zapped.
Ask specific (preferably “what”)
questions.
Ask rhetorical question or useless
questions.
Provide alternatives and choices for
making their own decisions.
Come with a ready-made decision, nor
make it for them.
If you disagree, take issue the facts, not
the person
If you disagree, reflect it on them
personally.
If you agree, support results, not the
person.
If you agree, reinforce with “I’m with you.”
Motivate and persuade by referring to
objectives and results.
Try to convince by “personal” means.
Support and maintain.
Direct or order.
After talking business, depart
graciously.
Do an “epilogue” bit after finishing
business.
Page 9
Communication Styles
Supporting Style
People with a supporting style are perceived by others as casual and likable, while
trying to minimize interpersonal conflict. Though they are responsible to people, they
generally let others take the initiative in social situations. They find it difficult to turn
down a request because they want to be helpful, even if they must subordinate
personal interest to the request. Their understanding and friendly approach to people
is non-threatening and makes them easy to be with. Not usually highly competitive
people, they don't impose themselves on others or try to convince others of their point
of view. They tend to be more concerned with feelings and relationship to others than
with logic or task. Unpretentious people, they tend to be permissive with others.
Supporters are often very intuitive.
They will probably seek close, warm and lasting relationships. They are good
listeners who will take time with people to help them relax and feel at ease. They
approach others on a basis of relationship rather than task and are accepting of many
styles of people, partly because of their need to be liked. Responsive to praise, they
may be too eager to please, pretending to consent to and agree with people even
when they disagree and don't intend to consent. They avoid hurt feelings at all costs
and may often feel resentment as a result.
A person such as this tends to lack interest in planning and goal-setting and may need
structure and specific descriptions of the task to be completed. They will then do all
they can to complete it, as supporters are service-oriented. There are times when
more direct and honest feedback to others would benefit them. They may need to
learn to stand up for their ideas and be willing to risk the disapproval of others. They
may be more effective as they apply relationship skills to the task at hand.
In a job setting, supporters will generally be cooperative and willing to be of service to
others or to the company. They will tend to work through the structure in order to
prevent interpersonal misunderstandings and, therefore, will accept supervision
readily. They try to please others by doing what is expected of them, they like
reassurance that what they are doing is acceptable and respond to the personal
attention they get from superiors. Once having formed an emotional allegiance, they
will be loyal workers. Because of supporters' dislike of conflict, they may tend to
withhold unpleasant information. They welcome direction from others. If they believe
their ideas can benefit others, they will put them forth in a non-threatening manner.
On the one hand, the supporter may be perceived as easy-going, affable, gentle,
eager to please and pleasant, but he/she may also be seen as wishy-washy, unwilling
to take a stand, overly yielding and unmotivated.
Page 10
Communication Styles
When Working with the High Supporter
Do
Don’t
Start, however briefly, with a personal
comment. Break the ice.
Rush headlong into business or the
agenda.
Show sincere interest in them as
people; find areas of common
involvement; be candid and open.
Stick coldly or harshly to business; on the
other hand, don’t lose sight of goals by
being too personal.
Patiently draw out personal goals and
work the them to help achieve these
goals; listen; be responsive.
Force them to respond quickly to your
objectives; don’t say, “Here’s how I see it.”
Present your case softly, nonthreateningly.
Be domineering or demanding; threaten
with position or personal power.
Ask “how” questions to draw their
opinions.
Debate about the facts and figures; they’ll
get lost or shut up.
If you disagree, look for hurt feelings,
personal reasons.
Manipulate or bully them into agreeing
because they probably won’t fight back.
Move casually, informally.
Patronize or demean by using subtlety or
sarcasm.
Define clearly (preferably in writing)
individual contributions.
Be abrupt and rapid.
Provide a guarantee that their decision
will minimize risks and assurances;
provide them benefits.
Offer assurances and guarantees you
won’t fulfill.
Provide personal assurances, clear,
specific solutions with maximum
guarantees.
Keep deciding for them or they’ll lose
initiative; don’t leave them with no backup
support.
Page 11
Communication Styles
Analyzing Style
Analyzing style people tend to take a problem-solving approach to situations; oriented
more towards ideas and concepts than toward relationships or feelings, they prefer
study and contemplation to immediate action and give a thoughtful, even hesitant,
impression. They tend to be a steadying influence in a group, with their restrained
and unassuming way. Deliberate and unassertive, they usually wait for others to
come to them rather than initiating an opinion. They typically want to collect a great
many facts and opinions before making a decision. They are great ones for "buyers
remorse", because they will continue to gather pertinent data even after a decision
has been made. The consulting role with other people seems to suit their serious and
precise manner. Others can perceive them as academic and as taking themselves
very seriously.
In relationships, they are not easily risking or giving of trust. Personal disclosure
comes with great difficulty, as the emotions are deep-set. Though they tend not to
initiate relationships, others will seek them out because they are good listeners.
Having once formed an emotional bond, they are loyal and constant to it. They tend
not to seek personal recognition, preferring to work in the background in a problemsolving way as the basis for relationships. Analyzers will usually wait until they are
sure of their ground before they offer opinions; they hate to be wrong and will avoid it
at all costs. Though they appear unemotional, they can be tough and arbitrary when
needed. They prefer to avoid interpersonal confrontation and conflict.
People with the analyzing style tend not to be casual in interpersonal situations and,
therefore, may be perceived as aloof or even stuffy. They can procrastinate and get
too involved with analysis, still seeking more data when the time has come for
decisive action. They could probably be more effective if they learned to be less
serious, to loosen up and enjoy more.
In the job situation, analyzers will generally take an orderly, systematic approach to
the task at hand. Detailed and thorough people, they usually like things to be rational
and well organized, they are likely to pause until they are sure the task is clear, then
work at it persistently, conscientiously and industriously. Well established rules and
procedures will create an environment in which their methodical effort will be most
effective. They may become tense or immobilized when confronted with chaos and
ambiguity. Because they are not likely to thrive on hard competition, they would more
naturally move to an advisory role. Their steady and quiet manner will often cause
others to look to them for counsel, for the facts, for precision.
While on the one hand analyzers may be perceived as knowledgeable, expert, steady,
dependable and unflappable, they may also be seen as boring, tedious, withheld,
uncommunicative and incapable of making a decision.
Page 12
Communication Styles
When Working with the High Analyzer
Do
Don’t
Prepare your best "case in advance".
Be disorganized or messy.
Approach them in straight forward,
direct way; stick to business.
Be circuitous, giddy, casual, in-formal,
loud.
Support their principles.
Rush the decision-making process.
Make an organized contribution to their
efforts; present specifics and do what
you say you will do.
Be vague about what's expected of either
of you; don't fail to follow through.
Draw up a scheduled approach to
implementing action with step-by-step
timetable; assure them that there won't
be surprises.
Leave things to chance or luck.
If you agree, follow through.
Provide special personal incentives.
If you disagree, make an organized
presentation of your position.
Threaten, cajole, wheedle, coax, whimper.
Give them time to verify reliability of
your actions; be accurate.
Use testimonials of others or unreliable
sources; don't be haphazard.
Provide solid, tangible, practical
evidence.
Use someone's opinion as evidence.
Indicate guarantees over long period,
but provide options.
Use gimmicks or clever, quick
manipulations.
Page 13
Communication Styles
Promoting Style
People with a promoting style tend to get involved with people in active, rapidlymoving situations. They generally like exciting activities of an inspirational nature.
Not given to detailed analysis, they can make easy generalizations without sufficient
factual information; they are given to exaggeration. They are usually stimulating
people to be with, socially outgoing, friendly, lively and personable. Promoters like to
have fun and will seek people who like to play and be spontaneous. Because of a
somewhat dramatic nature, they may think out loud in a way that convinces others of
a particular position or action while the promoter has gone on to other ideas or
propositions. Their enthusiasm may come across as instability or egotism.
Even though they are viewed as socially outgoing and forceful, promoters may be
perceived by others as manipulative or conniving. They are aware of and concerned
with the feelings of others as well as their ideas and try to include others in their plans
and activities especially if it's recreational. Promoters are often sports-minded and
tend to be highly competitive. They are usually open with feelings and try to be helpful
in interpersonal situations. They may try to achieve status and prestige by attaching
themselves to people whom they believe have the qualities of leadership or charisma.
People with a promoting style usually lack concern for details and may move too
rapidly forward before completing a task. They may jump to conclusions on intuition
or hunch. Because they may appear more careless in their approach, an organized
structure could make their efforts more effective. Leadership presented in an
inspirational way will motivate a promoter. For promoters in managerial positions, an
organized, methodical support team will often keep their sometimes erratic ways and
lack of detail-mindedness in check.
On the job, promoters will often be eager to please others, especially those who
respond to their outgoing ways. They attach themselves to leaders they admire and
from whom they want recognition. They are often motivated by approval. Promoters
are usually popular with co-workers and their imagination and enthusiasm will act as a
motivating force. On the job, promoters want recognition from both peers and
superiors. Because they like to move rapidly from task to task, promoters will
sometimes settle for less than the best in order to get on with it. They work best in a
setting which provides some structure to assist in the planning and following through
which is unnatural to them.
While on one hand promoters may be seen as exciting, provocative, fun-loving,
personable and energetic, they may also be seen as emotional, disorganized, loud or
aggressive, erratic and approval seeking.
Page 14
Communication Styles
When Working with the High Promoter
Do
Don’t
Plan interaction that supports their
dreams and intentions.
Legislate, muffle, or stop gaps.
Leave time for relating, socializing.
Be curt, cold or tight-lipped.
Talk about people and their goals;
opinions they find stimulating.
Drive on to facts and figures, alternatives,
abstracts.
Put details into writing; pin them to
models of action.
Leave things hanging in the air or they'll
hang there.
Ask for their opinion/ideas regarding
people.
Waste time trying to be impersonal,
judgmental or task-oriented.
Provide ideas for implementing
actions.
Stop their dreaming.
Use enough time to be stimulating, fun- Kid around too much, nor stick to the
loving, fast-moving, entertaining
agenda
Provide testimonials from people they
see as important and prominent.
Talk down to them.
Offer special, immediate action and
extra incentives for their willingness to
take risks.
Be dogmatic.
Page 15
Communication Styles
Communicating Under Pressure
When people are frustrated in their usual way of dealing with tension productively,
they often move into some sort of extreme behaviour to help them deal with the
tension buildup. During this kind of tense interaction, people tend to use their "backup style". Each communication style has its own distinctive back-up or "corner"
behaviour that you should be prepared to recognize and deal with.
The Controller
Autocratic Back-up
The Controller has an impersonal, unresponsive and assertive style, and the natural
back-up for this style is autocratic behaviour. When frustrated, the Controller will often
try to take charge of the situation and the people involved and force things to come
out in the way he/she wishes. The Controller's purpose in acting this way is to try to
reduce the tension of the present circumstance and to get something achieved in the
process. However, the effort to take over is no longer a mature interaction but a move
to have things the way the Controller wants them. That will make him/her feel better -but may negatively impact the relationship.
Autocratic back-up contains two major ingredients: (1) overcontrol of the situation and
(2) action.
When you are faced with this autocratic back-up behaviour of the Controller, do not
attempt to compete with him/her. Instead, encourage the Controller to direct his/her
energies toward additional achievements in an area where you might be of assistance
or support. Rather than ignore or try to overcome the behaviour, try to channel this
energy toward a mutually productive outcome. Controllers respect people who stand
up to them, particularly when the process produces results in achieving specific
objectives.
The Supporter
Acquiescent Back-up
When frustrated in a relationship, the Supporter may be expected to retreat into
acquiescent behaviour, which may take the form of cooperation, smoothing over or
submissiveness. This behaviour attempts to retain a relationship, at all costs, and to
do so with minimal interpersonal tension. Acquiescing meets one's own need to
reduce anxiety; however, it can make an interaction unproductive. Acquiescing may
look like agreement, but in reality, it often provides nothing solid for others to grasp.
The Supporter using this back-up behaviour needs to be encouraged to provide input
to a working relationship. Invite him/her to participate by giving ideas, critical feedback
Page 16
Communication Styles
or reactions. Your purpose in doing this is to bring the Supporter to feel safe in
becoming involved again, in taking a stand and initiating points of view.
The Analyzer
Avoiding Back-up
For the Analyzer, the easiest way to reduce tension is frequently just to avoid the
whole relationship. This avoiding back-up behaviour is a withdrawal from conflict and
an effort to face the problem alone, with facts, data and minimal interaction. The need
for "more information" and the desire to "think it over" are often symptomatic of this
avoiding type of behaviour.
Once again, the motivation for this behaviour stems from the need for release from
interpersonal tension. The basic result is frequently an escape from the relationship
and a retreat into solitude. Sometimes the avoiding as a form of back-up occurs even
before others sense the tension.
When an Analyzer is avoiding there is little value in challenging or insisting on more
participation. You are better advised to address yourself to procedure. Ask for help in
deciding how you might proceed to set up a plan, collect data or take the steps and
regular follow-up. In this manner, the procedure and routine will carry the work along
with it to a degree. The Analyzer will soon become comfortable with the process and
involve him/herself in its progress.
The Promoter
Attack Back-up
This style is both emotional and assertive, and the natural back-up behaviour for a
Promoter is to attack when under pressure. This, again, is with the purpose of
reducing the tension experienced.
When faced with this attacking behaviour, it best to listen empathically rather than to
evaluate or defend. Try to accept the emotion being expressed without getting
involved or committed by it.
Once the emotion has been vented, then the Promoter should respond to your interest
in his/her future. If possible, look for the positives in the situation, share enthusiasm
and guide the person to the best they have to offer.
Page 17
Communication Styles
Secondary Styles
While each of us tends to engage in a primary communication or social style, we do
have back-up styles that we also use.
For example, if I come across as highly dominant but formal only to a limited extent,
then I might be described as a “Promoting Controller”; that is, I am still perceived as
being controlling, but I also exhibit a lot of the promoting behaviours/tendencies.
Informal
Promoting Supporting Promoting Supporting
Promoter
Promoter
Supporter
Supporter
Controlling Analyzing Controlling Analyzing
Promoter
Promoter
Supporter
Supporter
Dominant
Passive
Promoting Supporting Promoting Supporting
Controller
Controller
Analyzer
Analyzer
Controlling Analyzing Controlling Analyzing
Controller
Controller
Analyzer
Analyzer
Formal
“
Communication is to relationships
what breathing is to life.
~ Virginia Satir ~
”
Page 18
Communication Styles
Style Contributions
Each communication / behavioural style brings important strengths to the
team as a whole.
Informal
Promoter
Supporter
Involvement & Enthusiasm
Relationships & Stability
Synergy
Dominant
Balance
Partnership
Controller
Passive
Analyzer
Results & Accomplishments
Precision & Accuracy
Formal
Page 19
Communication Styles
Exercise
1. My primary communication style is
2. The communication style I need to develop more is
3. This means I need to
4. At work, I have the most difficulty communicating with
5. Their communication style is
6. To improve my communication with this person I will need to
Page 20