(w)hole - Loss
Introduction
Nancy Guthrie in Holding onto Hope writes, “Not long after my six-month-old daughter
Hope died, I was at a cosmetics counter buying some mascara. "Will this mascara run
down my face when I cry?" I asked.
The girl behind the counter assured me it wouldn't and asked with a laugh in her
voice, "Are you going to be crying?" "Yes," I answered. "I am."
We had Hope for 199 days. We loved her. We enjoyed her richly and shared her with
everyone we could. We held her during her seizures. Then we let her go. The day after
we buried Hope, my husband said to me,
"You know, I think we expected our faith to make this hurt less, but it doesn't. Our faith
gave us an incredible amount of strength and encouragement while we had Hope, and
we are comforted by the knowledge that she is in heaven. Our faith keeps us from being
swallowed by despair. But I don't think it makes our loss hurt any less."
All you have to do to experience the reality of loss is to live long enough. And it does
indeed create a hole in us. We are missing something that was once there...a hole.
And while we understand that faith plays a huge role in dealing with loss, it does not
eradicate it, nor does it erase all its implications.
We all have, or at least eventually will, experience loss. How can we deal with it
in a God-honoring fashion? What’s the answer to walking faithfully in loss? Let’s
look at the life of a man who story is one of loss...Jeremiah the prophet. He is
affectionately referred to as the “weeping prophet.”
Jeremiah is called to be a prophet to the nation of Judah, serving during the
reigns of the last five kings of the nation. His call from God had him starting as
prophet under the reign of King Josiah, a good, God-honoring king. But over
Jeremiah’s lifetime, Judah slowly deteriorated as its leaders became more and
more wicked.
Jeremiah’s message from God was one of repentance. Turn from your wicked ways
and seek God or he is going to bring destruction upon you. Well, the people don’t listen
and continue in their sin. God has promised judgement and he is always faithful to his
promises.
Jeremiah 4:5-9 5 “Announce in Judah and proclaim in Jerusalem and say:
‘Sound the trumpet throughout the land!’
Cry aloud and say:
‘Gather together!
Let us flee to the fortified cities!’
6 Raise the signal to go to Zion!
Flee for safety without delay!
For I am bringing disaster from the north,
even terrible destruction.”
7 A lion has come out of his lair;
a destroyer of nations has set out.
He has left his place
to lay waste your land.
Your towns will lie in ruins
without inhabitant.
8 So put on sackcloth,
lament and wail,
for the fierce anger of the Lord
has not turned away from us.
9 “In that day,” declares the Lord,
“the king and the officials will lose heart,
the priests will be horrified,
and the prophets will be appalled.”
In 586 BC the Babylonians sweep in from the north and obliterate Judah. The survivors
are carted off to exile for the next 70 years. Everything is destroyed. What was once
great and glorious now lies in ruins. The loss is overwhelming.
Lamentations 1:1-3 1 How deserted lies the city,
once so full of people!
How like a widow is she,
who once was great among the nations!
She who was queen among the provinces
has now become a slave.
2 Bitterly she weeps at night,
tears are upon her cheeks.
Among all her lovers
there is none to comfort her.
All her friends have betrayed her;
they have become her enemies.
3 After affliction and harsh labor,
Judah has gone into exile.
She dwells among the nations;
she finds no resting place.
All who pursue her have overtaken her
in the midst of her distress.
They have lost everything. Their homes, families, temple to worship, safety, security.
Jeremiah has watched the nation go from the highest of heights under Josiah to the
lowest of lows. A true loss. A hole.
What do you do in this moment? When everything has been stripped. When the
hole is so real and beyond painful. In his book of laments, Jeremiah gives us
glimpses of how to be faithful in loss.
Lamentations 3:19-20 19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Don’t fake it. Don’t ignore the hurt. The bible says there is a time to mourn. So start by
owning the pain. We have to grieve. If you put a loss on the back burner it will boil
over. No one can tell you how to grieve...that is between you and God for when it is ok
to move forward.
“There is a school of thought in Christian circles that almost views death so much as a
blessing that you are not allowed to cry …. [But in the Bible] death is an enemy, and it
can be a fierce one …. It is ugly. It destroys relationships...It is repulsive. There is
something odious about death. Never pretend otherwise. But death does not have the
last word …. Thank God for a Savior who could claim, "I am the resurrection and the
life."
D. A. Carson, Scandalous (Crossway, 2010), p. 133
Jeremiah 9:1 - Oh, that my head were a spring of water
and my eyes a fountain of tears!
I would weep day and night
for the slain of my people.
Neither he nor God condemns the grief. They welcome it. But there is more than just
grief over loss. There is light in the darkness. Lamentations is interesting book. Series
of funeral dirges lamenting loss of Jerusalem. Incredible poetry (22 letters in Hebrew
alphabet; 1,2,4,5 have 22 verses; chapter 3 has 66, each with start of next letter). Dark
letter. In the middle of the darkness, there is light. In the midst of oppressive loss,
Jeremiah gives a breath of fresh air.
Lamentations 3:21-26 21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
Let’s look at some of these phrases that Jeremiah uses in the midst of loss:
Lord’s great love - Always there, seeking our best. That is especially to see in times of
loss, but it is the anchor during those times. God is here. He loves me. That will not
change.
Compassions never fail - he is always there in compassion. He doesn’t get fed up and
tell you to move on, to get over it. He always has the right words in the right way.
People respond really in two ways to someone in loss. Since it is such an
awkward situation, and they really don’t know what to say, they end up saying
something foolish and unhelpful. There is a time for answers and a time for
offering counsel. But mostly loss is a time to weep with those who weep. In one
of our darkest times after a miscarriage, the most helpful words spoken were, “I
love you. Praying for you.”
The other way people respond is to not say anything at all. It’s so awkward and
don’t know what to say so keep mouth shut. Mostly that accentuates the feeling
of loneliness and isolation in suffering. No one understands. No one cares. It’s
not true, but it is how you feel.
God knows exactly the right thing to say and do in these moments. His
compassions never fail.
Great is your faithfulness - You may have lost something, everything, but not God. He
is still there. Loving. Holding. He doesn’t necessarily make the storm quit, but he gives
an anchor. He may not lessen the pain but he pulls you through.
Lord is my portion - there may be days in dealing with a loss that this is all you could
say. God, you’re all I’ve got right now. The pain is overwhelming but I know you are
here.
It is good to wait patiently - God honors the complete trust that is shown during times of
loss. Loss forces that trust.
TS - In the midst of loss, notice what Jeremiah said...
Lamentations 3:21 21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
I call this to mind. I remember. I don’t base my life on what I feel or what I see, but
what I know to be true, as revealed in the bible. That is what Jeremiah does. He does
not rely on his feelings, they are a roller coaster. He recalls to mind what he knows to
be true about God...even though he may not feel that or even see that. I call this to
mind, therefore I have hope. There it is. The answer to loss is hope.
Definition of hope - that thing or person in which all your expectations are
centered. So when the bible says to place hope in God, it means that all your
expectations are centered on him. A hope that God can and will be working in all
this and will bring it to a right and glorious end. Trusting him to bring justice,
relief, deliverance, reconciliation.
Jeremiah 29:11 - 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Some of the most popular and comforting words in the bible. These were not written to
high school graduates. They are for the exiles from this destruction and loss. God is
speaking, not to a commencement crowd, but to a concentration camp. People in the
midst of the pain and loss hear from God that he knows the plans and they are good.
That is hope. Believing in the midst of the pain of loss that God is going to work
this out.
We are always waiting for God’s redemption of our lives, our circumstances, our
loss. God can make this right. He can bring good out of this.
And sometimes we see that relatively soon. We watch God unfold this before our very
eyes and see vindication come and live in the joy of that. We watch justice come forth.
We see how God used a loss to draw us close to him or repair relationships. And those
are glorious moments.
But you know what? Sometimes that doesn’t happen in this life. We don’t see
the final picture until the other side of eternity. That was true for Jeremiah. He
died in exile. So did most of them who were carted off. They never saw the
fulfillment of Jeremiah 29:11. But it was still true, whether they personally
experienced it in life or not.
Same is true for us. God has promised a day for vindication, reward, justice,
relief. We may see glimpses of that in this life, but maybe not. But that doesn’t
mean it isn’t true. We look forward to the day that God will bring that about,
whether we are alive to see it or not.
That is hope. And hope changes everything.
Colossians 1:3-5 - 3 We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when
we pray for you, 4 because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love
you have for all the saints— 5 the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored
up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the
gospel
Hope is the catalyst for faith and love. Hope inspires the Christian life.
Hebrews 11 is known as the ‘faith chapter’ in the bible. All these people did these
incredible things “by faith.” The question is...what drove their faith? There is this great
thread running through Hebrews 11 of hope.
Hebrews 11:8-10 - 8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later
receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he
was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign
country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same
promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and
builder is God.
Hebrews 11:13-16 - 13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They
did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a
distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. 14 People
who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had
been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return.
16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is
not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Hebrews 11:24-26 - 24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as
the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of
God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. 26 He regarded disgrace
for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was
looking ahead to his reward.
Hebrews 11:32-40 - 32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about
Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through
faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who
shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of
the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle
and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again.
Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better
resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put
in prison. 37 They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the
sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and
mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and
mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.
39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been
promised. 40 God had planned something better for us so that only together with us
would they be made perfect.
God has planned something better. No matter what good or bad we receive in this life,
we know God will bring about something better. And the answer to loss is to hope in
that day. To place our expectations on God’s ability to bring that day about.
Revelation 21:1-5 - Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and
the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City,
the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride
beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
“Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people,
and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe every tear from their
eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of
things has passed away.”
5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said,
“Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
This is why we understand what Paul said...
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 - 13 Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those
who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14 We believe that
Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who
have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who
are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who
have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud
command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the
dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught
up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with
the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage each other with these words.
In Our Greatest Gift, Henri Nouwen tells a parable of faith and hope. He imagines twins–
a brother and a sister–talking to each other in their mother's womb:
The sister said to the brother, "I believe there is life after birth."
Her brother protested vehemently, "No, no, this is all there is. This is a dark and cozy
place, and we have nothing else to do but to cling to the cord that feeds us."
The little girl insisted, "There must be something more than this dark place. There
must be something else, a place with light where there is freedom to move." Still,
she could not convince her twin brother.
After some silence, the sister said hesitantly, "I have something else to say, and I'm
afraid you won't believe that, either, but I think there is a mother."
Her brother became furious. "A mother!" he shouted. "What are you talking
about? I have never seen a mother, and neither have you. Who put that idea in
your head? As I told you, this place is all we have. Why do you always want
more? This is not such a bad place, after all. We have all we need, so let's be
content."
The sister was quite overwhelmed by her brother's response and for a while didn't dare
say anything more. But she couldn't let go of her thoughts, and since she had only her
twin brother to speak to, she finally said, "Don't you feel these squeezes every once in a
while? They're quite unpleasant and sometimes even painful."
"Yes," he answered. "What's special about that?"
"Well," the sister said, "I think that these squeezes are there to get us ready for
another place, much more beautiful than this, where we will see our mother faceto-face. Don't you think that's exciting?"
We understand the longing don't we? These pains are getting us ready for another
place. Where we will see our Father face to face. In the midst of the pain of loss, hold
on to hope. Trust that God will bring about the day that will right all wrongs and bring
justice and glory to the world.
Communion
1 Corinthians 11 says that when we take communion we are proclaiming the Lord's
death...until he comes. It is an act of hope, declaring that we are waiting on him.