402
TRUE WOMEN AND REAL MEN
4. What role do media images play in Ortiz Cofer's story?
5. Does_ everyone have a story similar to Ortiz Cofer's, or not? Othei
people
may be ovenveight, wear braces, mature very early or very late, have Lig
noses or unusual voices, and so on. What, if anything, seis Ortiz Cofer,i
experience apart from the usual "traumas" ofchildhood?
HAYDAR
.
VEILED INTENTIONS 4O3
Muslim u)otrmn. A natioe of Flint, Michigan, Haydnr now lioes in Neut York
City, uhere she is a social worker. Her arti,cl.es haoe appeared in a aariety of
publications rangingfrom The Nation and Spin fo Venus Zine, HUES (Hear
Us Emerging Sisters), and CMI (College Music Journal).'Tei,led lntenti.ons"
appeared in Body Outlaws: Rewriting the Rules of Beauty and Body Image
(2003), editedby Ophira Edut.
ExqronlNc CoNNncrroNs
6.
Review Aaron H. Devor's "Becoming Members of Society" (p. 3g3). How
do Ortiz Cofer's-experiences support an&or complicate b".rro.', explanation ofgender role socialization?
7. Like Ortiz Cofer, Maysan Haydar (below) must find ways to define her
identity within two different cultures. what problems do both women face,
what strengths or advantages do they find within each culture, and what
strategies do they adopt to negotiate the tensions that arise among conflicting cultural values?
8. Compare the childhood experiences of Ortiz Cofer and Gary Soto (p. 26).
To what extent do their relationships, concerns, and behavior app"ui to b"
influenced by gender? What other social forces shape their lives?-
ExTBNUNG THE Cnr:ncel CoNruxr
9. In her self-analysis, Ortiz Cofer discusses the
"variables" in her physical
the socially determined values that influence her perception
of her body.- She also reflects on personal "facts" or "constants"
- more
durable features, like her writing and her need for stability-that
contribute to her identity. write a series of journal entries that tell the story of
your own body. What "variables" have influenced your perception of your
appearance? What "facts" about yourself have become "constants"P
appearance
Veiled Intentions: Don't Judge a Muslim
Girl by Her Cooering
Meysex HeyoeR
A loae for heaoy metal probably isn't the f,rst thirug you'd expect of a nice
Muslim girl,but accordingto afriend'sWeb site, "Maysan Haydnrhas afu.tays
been cool. . . . She got a tongue ring before eaeryone else. She was the
fi.ist
porson I knew to dye her hair purpl,e." ln this essay Haydar (b, 1g7T) examines som.e of the "seeming contradictions of my lrfu"
an outspoken feminist
^
u;ho chooses to uear the traditional hiiab, or headscarf,
of an obsen:ant
O Prophetl Tell thy wives and daughters and the believing women that
they should cast their outer garments over their persons. That is most
convenient that thev shourd
v",," ss
*
YHrx 8ff*:e"jii::ts,
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and
guard their modesty: that they should not display their beauty and
ornaments except what ordinarily aPPears thereof; that they should
draw their veils.over their bosoms and not display their beauty. ' '
QunaN, Chapter 24, Verse 30-31
-THn
confession to make.
I've been covering my hair, as is prescribed for Muslim women, since
I was twelve years old. And while there are many good reasons for doing so,
I wasn't motivated by a desire to be different, to honor tradition, or to make
a political statement.
I wanted the board game Cirl Talk.
When girls from our small, Midwestern Muslim community donned
their first hliab (headscarf), their families rewarded them with parties and
monetary gifts. At twelve, I wasn't nearly as physically developed as a
Muslim grl is supposed to be when'She starts covering, but I desperately
wanted Girl Talk. I knew that if I announced my intention to begin veiling
in the board game aisle at Kmart, I could ask for anything and receive it.
My choice of Girl Talk as reward for takingon a religious responsibility
is amusing to me now, because it's so antithetical to what veiling is supposed
to represent. Girl Talk was the ultimate slumber party game, where players
performed gags or revealed embarrassing secrets, therr got to -choose from
ior. kinds o? iortune cards as apize. My favorite cards hooked me up with
the class president, the football captain, or a hunly lifeguard who saved me
from drowning. And I still have a sheet of "zit stickers," which were meant
to punish gamers who tailed to share their dirt.
Now ihut t'* twenty-five and have worn a veil for more than half my
I have
life,
a
I can admit
to this shallow beginning, which is so far from my reason
for veiling today. As an adult, I embrace the veil's modesty, which allows me
to be seen as a whole person instead of a twenty-piece chicken dinner. In
I'm married to a white lnan
spite of the seeming contradictions of my life
I
consider myself a feminist,
metal,
hear.y
,iho *ur raised Caiholic, I love
4O4
and
I
TRUE WOMEN AND REAL MEN
HAYDAR
sport a few well-disguised piercings
of modesty and appeara""".
I follow
- uft", my rerigion,s standard
o.ly ,io*,
teen experiences with those ofIiother women, that I "or,furi.g"*yiti.U"f"r,
can^fully"appreciate how
much of a saving grace this small piece of cloth was.
to rny ciragrin, many Arnericans see veiling as an oppressive tool
lorced
" Yu"h
on Muslim women by the men in our culturl. yet,
and body is a c,hoice for many women_and
::",:irg.hH
to lslam. All the monotheistic religions (Christianiry.
tfii practice of
it is not specific
Judaism, and islam)
in dress,_though*the interpretation"of "modesty,, varies
greatly Ironically, the.population-that spends' milions o" u"*ty
iroducts,
plastic surgery, qd sllf-hglp guides is tjre same one that
t"k". pity on me
;ofpr"rred."
for being so_ "helpless" u.d
on a New york city b,i, I
advocate- modesty
19e\s ago,
I
sat
with another
r.,ioman, also veiled, U"t
*"Jrig t
"o,rpr"
jilbab (a cloak that women wear over their clothing) a
" "ditio.,ul
sirr t?, ,"ut, o,r",
remarked
to her friend, whire flipping her hair
fo.Iff""f
that she courdn,t
understand how we could dress t^fril *ly ..Me, I gottobefree.,,
*y eyes, her idea of freedom invorved a i*plicaLd hairstyre, loads
of^ 'g
I
T1k:rq and jeans she probably had to ,"* h"ri"lf ,rrr.
would find that ensemble more_caging, more oppressive
""1uhing,
u.rd -o." puin'frl
than clothes that allow me to walk L fio.,t of coirstructior-,
,rt"r-"o.raa".,tty,
with minimal risk of harassment. (construction workers may feel
outignt"J
to say
to every passing woman, but I often get things like ..t like
3olething
ii
your skirtl" or "Girl,
I would marry yo.,l"-harmlels
the
degradation I've heard many women tomplain about.)
"o-frur"dto
As for freedom, my parents have a hlalthy understanding
of Islam, especially the Quranic verse "Let there be no compulsion in reli"gion,i (z,zso).
,{aving been raised in.reJigiously different hornes themserves"(Mom: very
Iiberal, European-minded, not so ,erigious; Dad: religious,
curtu;;rt structrrre6 *"ru"r roles and expectationsl, they o,ry p."'"ti""d
traditi#s that
they understood, accepted, and berieved. 'ihus,'rny mother
knew the best
way to introduce veiling to me was to emphasize its feminist,
forward-thrnking reasons: Covering removes that ffrst level_of being judged,
of being
assessed hased on my measurements, and it absolv"r *"
oi tr," need or
desire to be wanted solely for my looks. My choice of Grrl Talk
&dn,t showcase a deep understanding ofthat idea. But refecting
back, I see that wearing a,scarf greatly influenced how people viewed *J".rd
my goals, before I
could ever appreciate that it was fraing that effect.
, In high sc!oo]. my interact.ions *itL the opposite sex were different than
the norm' II'I hadn't yet been inclined to deal with boys in an
unpressured.
ungiggly, un-made-rrp way, the scar{ shoved me in that direction.
S'o, without
being given handbooks or informative flyers about how they
should curb their
posturirg and come-ons, gy sensed that they shourd treai me with respect.
. I didn't watch boys and girls learn about each other from the sidelines. I
have many rich friendships with men, and over the years
a good number of
them have macle a go at becoming "more than friends." t did'n t
pu*i"ip"a" i,
dating games, but
I
.
VEILED INTENTIONS 4O5
was flattered by the attention, especially since
I
knew
I
was being liked for who I was beyond my body. What made me attractive
was my ability to relate to everyone in a very natural way, without all the con-
fusing sexual pressure. The weirdness that normally clouds boy-girl interactions was lifted, because most guys automatically assumed I wasn't available
for dating. Of course, girls deserve to be treated with respect no matter what
they wear. But since we live in a world of mixed messages, I got to bypass a
lot of damaging experiences.
The veil bestowed other experiences uPon me that I wouldn't quite
classify as negative, but definitely educational. Like anyone else who's visibly different from the norm, I encountered ridiculous ideas about what a
covered person should be, do, and enjoy. If someone overheard me talking
about my interests, which included karate and skateboarding, I grew to
enjoy their disbellef and shock. I didn't pick my hobbies to prove that
stereot1res are often false, but it was nice to make people reconsider their
notions of a Muslim girl.
Mo.rnng to New York City right after college and living alone was the
most affirming thing I've done to solidify my resolve and truly understand
what veiling means. Here, for the ffrst time, people believed that I was
wearing a scarf because I wanted to, not because my family coerced me into
it. On the other hand, New York exemplifies what's wrong rvith our imageobsessed society. I worked for a couple of magazines and saw the way
women acted out to draw attention to themselves. It was especially apparent at my anything-goes dot-com job, where women showed up to work in
backless halter tops and were fawned over by male coworkers.
And now, as I write this, I can watch women subjugate themselves on
reality dating shows. On a show about aspiring models I heard a woman say
that her greatest goal would be to appear in Stuff magazine. I can't imagine
centering my life on something as {leeting and meaningless as being admired simply for my body.
You might assume that because Muslim women traditionally don't display our bodles, we don't hold them as important or feel connected to
ih"- or that we don't value ourselves as sexual beings. Guess again. While
our degree of modesg' is high, the value Muslim women place on the bo&es
undemeath our veils is higher. In Sunclay school, girls are taught that our
bodies are beautiful ("God is beautiful and loves beaug," is ahad.lth' or saying,
of the prophet Muhammad) and that theyre so valuable that they re only
meant 6 bL shared in an intimate relationship: husband and wife, mother and
baby, among women, and in clinical or safe spaces (for example, with your
docior, among family members). Historically, the most severe-looking coverings used to be limited to the richest women in Arab society; being swathed in
much cloth was regarded as a sign of status.
People who have written about being in the secluded quarters of Arab
homes oi at their parties often express sulprise at the degree to which these
cloaked women maintain themselves via fitness, sq'le, and decadent rituals'
so
406
TRUE WOMEN AND REAL MEN
HAYDAR
Get's not even get started on the body hair-removal process in the Middle
East.) I'm not one for creams and blushes, but I understand
that there are
yo*:l who enjoy the beauty process, and I see no harm in indulging it for
the right reasons. Feminist author Geraldine Brooks, in her
book fiine parts
of Desire, quotes women across the Middle East who extol the virtues
o{'
prettying up for their loved ones. To me, this demonstrates
that western
priorities are out of line: American women speld hours
getting ready for
strangerb to see them but don't give the same effort to thoie
*hZ ,." ih"*
in intimate settings,
As for the variation in Muslim women's dress, it demonstrates
the
wide-ranging interpretations of rnodesty. I often get asked
*rr"i-irr"
.r".,
'right" version is: the Afghaniburqah, the Iranian
Zhodor, the pakistani salwa' kam,eez,t the Arab jihab, or a sweatshirt and
i""nr. The ,ho.tlrr*". i,
that the recommendations for modesty are to be intelpreted
uppt"a
the discretion of the woman picking her clothes.
".rJ
",
All through high school, iwore-ajirbab excrusivery, because I didn,t
have
to spend any effort worrying about what was in season or what
I would be
expected to wear to fft in. I now cover my hair, but generalry
wear ieans and a
long*leeved
once-strict intelpietation of ilod"rty h"r lr"L, uaupt"a
:h]rt
ryIy
to my urban lifestyle. Is wearing
nboyn (the head-to-tte gown that com^,
n]gtet, covers the rvearer) and a face veil a good idea in N"w fo.k crtvi p.oulbly not, since the abaya would likely get ituck in a subway Joo. oipi"t ,p
ofl,*,,0",".. i,"" glid" u".*J But not wearing an abaya in Saudi
1h",9"*
would probably make getting around very difficult"fo., *J*arr.
It's utopic and ridiculous to assert that looks don't matter and that
by
,
Arab_ia
veiling I'mavoiding the,messiness
particurarry after Septemu". ittt . No*
some- people hold their breath a bit- ronger, assurning
I'm a fundamentalist or
wondering if I'm there to cause them f,arm. I sensE people
studying me on
the trains,^reading the cover of the book in my hand'*h ,ryonj?iauge
if
I'm one of "us" or one of "them." I grapple wrth the frustraiion"thail
can,t
reassure everyone individualry that my goars have everl,thing
to do with
social justice and nothing to do with ho[ war. But I have
seSn suspicions
fri: tr.:h". eyes of the.pregnant woman to whom I've given my subwiy seat,
or the Hasidic'man whose elbow I've taken to help hiri up the
stairs.
many of the stereofpes and incorrect assumpuons people
,had, Tl"yg!
while I was growing up stilr'prevair (that Musrim
r""t **av
"q"ui, describoppresse&fundamentalisuterrorist), current events have pedestrians
tburqah ..sa.lurtrkameez; 'rherrurqah
covers a rvornen frorn heacr to toe, with a mesh
strip.in front of the eyes to allow some vision; the chadrtr also drapes the
hcad
ur,
not the face; tlte saluor komea; is a tunic-and-trouser set.
"nitay,
zllasidic:
Hasidism is a form of
mysticism;
Hasidic men gpically wear long black
Jewish
coats and rvide-brimrned black hats, whire women cover their
hui. airh *"i. torr! ,uit, u.,a
long sleeves for modesty.
.
VEILED INTENTIONS 407
the history- of Wahhabi Islam,3
ing their secondhand "expertise" of Islam
or trying
the export of Sayyid Qutba and the Muslim Brotherhood's' ideas
to argue that the Quranic requirements for modesty don't include veiling. It s
.nrr"h h"rd". to explain why I cover to those who think they have a full understanding of the culture and the faith than those whose "knowledge" of the
Middle East is limited to Aladd.in andhum:nrus.
I do appreciate the status Islam and the Middle East have in the news
the interest has generated new scholarship on Arabia's history
these days
and anthropolog;r and on Islamic law, all of which I'm interested in and am
relieved is beinf researched. This research includes a pool of female scholars reexamining Islamic texts with a feminist lens, and separating actual religious commands from their long-held, culturally laden interpretations,
which often smack of patriarchy,
Forcing women to veil or unveil usually has the _opposite effect. When I
attended elementary school in Saudi Arabia and few home to Michigan
each summer, a parade of women swathed in black abayas would head to
the airplane bathrooms once we were safely in the air and emerge_wearing
short, iight ensembles. Conversely, banning the veil in Syria and Turkey
sparked a resurgence in its popularity.
The question of veiling comes up once someone finds out that I've married into a family that celebrates Christmas, with my full participation. "If you
have a daughter, what will she wear?" they ask. I haven't yet cracked a pregnancy or parenting book, but I hope that my policy will be similar to the egalitarian way I was raised. If she wants to, she can; if she doesn't want to, then she
won't. It's far more impoftant for her to respect herself, her body, and her life.
At the heart of my veiling is personal freedom. I dress this way because
it has made it easier to get through adolescent phases and New York City
streets with no self-loathing, body hang-ups, or sexual harassment. I wish
more women emerged unscathed; n6 one should suffer for what they look
Iike or what they wear.
ENGACING THE TEXT
1. List the advantages and disadvantages that Haydar
ing. Do yor,
"g.""
(para. 6)? WhY
or whY not?
with coverwhole person"
associates-
that her hiiab etables her "to be seen
as a
swahhabl lslam: A sunni fundamentalist form of Islam founded by Muhammad ibn
Ab<lel al wahhab (1703-1792), wahhabism is the majority faith of Saudi Arabia and Qatar.
aSaqyid.
(1906-1966) who condemned western values
Qutb: Eg,ptian writer and intellectual
p.o*ot"dihe idea of a fundamentalist Islamic state; aifiliated with the Muslim Brotherhood.
sMurli* Brotherhood: Worldwide movement, founded in Eglpt in 1928, that advocates
"nd -
govemment imposition of strict Islamic law.
408
TRUE WOMEN AND REAL MEN
2. whlt
compromises does Haydar make between religious observance and
modern, secular culture? Do'her stated reasons for wEaring the htiab seem
more religious, more practical, or both?
Examine the interactions with others that Haydar describes in her essay.
How would you- explain thc different ."rponr", to her appearance? To
what extent do they reflect assumptions about her as a uuriim, as a religious person, or as a modest woman?
4. How do H-aydar's deffnitions of "freedom" and ..oppression,,
of women dif_
fer from those assumed by the girl on the bus ipa.u. 7)? Debate which
forms of oppression harm womeri more, which tlpes of freedom are most
important to preserve, and why.
D.
working in groups, brainstorm several ways, besides veiling, that an adolescent girl might avold "the weirdness that normaly cloudsioy-girl interactions" (para. ll). share your ideas with the class and discuss'tfie pros and
cons ofeaeh.
Expr.onrNc CoNNscrroNs
Review Aaron H. Devor's discussion of gender role socialization (p. 3g3),
influence of "generalize"d others" and "signiffcani'others,,
in the experiences of Hayda. and
lrdith ortiz cofer (p. sg5). what tension
does each woman feel between her "I" and her ..me',?
and, compare tl're
resolve it?
7,
How does
she
Read Diana Eck's discu-ssion of stereotlping and discrimination against
people whose religious_ dress makes them ..,.iriUty different,' (p. 693"). fo
w}at extent does Haydar experience or avoid the consequerie. of'such
stereotlpes? How does she actively counter themp
ExrnNnrNG THE Czutrcer, CoNrsxr
write a journal entry in which you envision how your own life would
change if you chose to wear some distinctively religious article of clothing.
Design and conduct a brief survey to gauge attitudes toward veiling on your
campus or in your community.
Yisual Portfolio
RueoTNC IVACBS OF CENDER
ll'est
trisser Regional Fligh Sehool tr,ibran'
lrnglish
Il{ - Articls Rcsrrves
Important Nntice to Sturlents: L{atcrials usccl irr conncctiorr r.r.'ith this corirsc ma1,'be protcctcd
-['he
Board of lrclucalion oJ'tlre \\'esl Esser Regional School
b,v Cop-v-rig[-rt l-aiv (f itle l7 U.S.C).
District. lrccorcling to West Esscx l-roarri policy 2531. requircs that all achinistration. facultv,
stafl. anri stuclents using coplrighted malerials lor educational purposes dr) so in accordance rvith
Li.S. [--op.vright Lan,. The usc of these rnatcrials orl rcscrvc is fbr studerts ertrollcd in the English
11l course.
Notice ol Copyright:
Tiris nrateriai may be protected bir Copyright
L-ar,r,
fTitle
17 Li.S.C.).
N{LA Citation:
Haydar, Maysan. "Veiled Intentions: Don't Judge a Muslim Girl by Her Covering." Body
Outlaws: Rewriting the Rules of Beauty and Body Image. Ed. Ophira Edut. Berkeley:
Seal-Perseus, 2003. N. pug. Rpt. in Rereading America: Cultural Contexts
for Critical
Thinking and L[/riting. Ed. Gary Colombo, Robert Cullen, and Bonnie Lisle. 7th ed.
Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2007. 402-07. Print.