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Children’s Services
Civic Centre
Dagenham
Essex RM10 7BW
Tel: 020 8227 2901 (office hours only)
Fax: 020 8227 2304
This booklet was given to you by
who can be contacted on
Printed on elementary chlorine-free paper from a sustainable forest
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Introduction
Welcome to the Barking &
Dagenham Parenting Handbook.
Your role as a parent is one of
the most difficult there is - it can
be both challenging and rewarding.
It is a job where very little training
is given to prepare parents for what
lies ahead.
Every family experiences difficulty from time to
time and this can test the best of parents.
When additional pressures come along, these
can make a hard job nearly impossible. At
these times it may be hard to think about
what help or information you might need.
When things go wrong it does not mean that
someone has failed in parenting - things go wrong for
everyone. It is often the way difficulties are handled that can
make a difference to your children, both now and in the future.
There is no such thing as the perfect parent. However, there are some ways that can
make it a less stressful and more rewarding experience.
What is the handbook about?
It is hoped this handbook can offer some ideas and information to help you find your
way through what can be a maze of issues and advice. It gives contacts and further
information you can follow up when you are deciding how to deal with your worries
and difficulties. This handbook also lists some of the warning signs of particular
difficulties and offers helpful tips.
This handbook has been produced with the support of a wide range of professional
agencies working together to promote positive parenting.
It is hoped you find this handbook helpful and worth keeping for future reference.
Simon Hart
LSCB Independent Chair
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Contents
Page
Bullying
4
The real story
Child exploitation
6
New technology, old problem
Child protection/safeguarding children
8
Myths & realities
Children in need
10
Working together for our children
Children left alone
12
Common sense and the law
Domestic abuse
14
How does it affect children?
Don’t shake the baby
16
Different ways to cope
Drug & alcohol misuse
18
How would I know?
Internet safety
20
New technology, old problem
Missing
22
From home and school
Self-harm
24
Understanding & support
Separation & divorce
26
It’s not their fault
Smacking
28
The great debate
Temper tantrums
30
When every day is a difficult day
Worried about a child?
32
Should you mind your own business?
Helpful organisations
34
Local and national
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It happens most
days. They call me smelly and
fat. They made me give them
money again yesterday. They’re
in the same class and they’re
always laughing at me. They
said if I tell it will be ten times
worse. Sometimes I don’t go
to school… I can’t stand it
”
anymore.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Running away,
non-attendance
at school, other
learning and
behavioural
difficulties for no
obvious reason.
Your child has
injuries with no
feasible explanation
for them.
See the headteacher
at the school for
their support and
action. If bullying is
happening outside
school, consider
contacting the
family of the child
who is bullying and
try to find a way to
work together to
sort it out.
Refuse to put up
with bullying.
Walk away, tell an
adult or friend and
avoid fighting.
Parents - listen
to your child,
reassure and be
there for them.
Talk to your child
about their school
day. Teach your
child to respect
others from a
young age.
Teach your child
that prejudice
and bullying is
unacceptable.
• Anti-Bullying
Campaign
020 7378 1446
• Childline
0800 1111
• Kidscape
08451 205 204
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Children have the right not to be hurt
Bullying behaviour is unacceptable
Bullying can happen to any child at any age
Speak to your child’s school immediately if you have any concerns
Act immediately if you think your child is being bullied
Children need ways to protect themselves and seek help
Advise your child to run, yell and tell
Racial harassment is a form of bullying
The real story
Bullying is a frightening experience. It can
isolate and damage a young person’s selfconfidence. Some ongoing bullying can have
negative long-term effects on children, leading
to depression and even suicidal thoughts
and actions.
School days are a time when the influence of
other children is very important and fitting in is
seen as essential. If children are thought of as
different for any reason, they can be picked on
and bullied. Sadly, we still live in a society in
which to be different in any way can mean
ridicule and bullying (often copied fro m
parents) and this ensures that prejudice will
continue into the next generation. It is crucial to
be alert to the possibility of bullying and make
sure you know the tell-tale signs.
You may think that your child is unlikely to be
bullied but the reality is that bullying can
happen at any time and to any child.
Bullies who continually harm other children
need support and help as well. They may have
experienced difficulties of their own at home,
which may have led to their actions. Reporting
concerns may help them to get help as well.
• Bullying can happen anywhere but
most commonly it happens in school.
• Bullying can take many forms, from
verbal abuse to physical attack.
• Bullying is the repeated abuse of a
child by one or several people.
• Bullies are not always older than the
child they harm.
• Most bullying is done by children who
are the same age as the victim.
If your child tells you about a friend or
any other child who is being bullied - listen
carefully and take this seriously. That child
may not be able to say for themselves what
is happening.
Today all schools are required to have an AntiBullying Policy. However, school action alone
cannot guarantee success. It is important that
parents and schools work together in
partnership to secure support and protection for
the child for both the present and the future. It is
essential that parents make contact with their
child’s school as soon as they become aware of
any problems before they become huge.
Racial harassment
Racial harassment is any hostile or offensive
action against individuals or groups because of
their skin colour, ethnic origin, religion or
cultural background. Racial harassment can
severely affect a child’s ability to learn
effectively and the effect of harassment can
remain with a person throughout their life.
There can be diff e rent forms of racial
harassment including: Verbal abuse (name
calling, insulting slurs and persistent teasing);
Physical abuse (hitting, kicking, spitting,
taking belongings and threats of violence);
Indirect (excluding, humiliation, spreading
nasty rumours and ridicule).
Practical steps to take if your child is
being racially harassed:
• Make an appointment with your child’s
school.
• Be specific, give dates, places, and
names of other children involved.
• Make a note of what action the school
intends to take.
• Enquire if there is any existing policy
against racial harassment incidents.
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The first time he made me do it, it felt horrible,
but he’s been really nice to me, he says he is my special
friend. I’m not supposed to tell anyone, it’s a secret - or
something bad will happen to me. I think my mum would
”
be upset or angry with me if I told her.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Changes in
behaviour or mood,
inappropriate sexual
activity, sleep
disturbances,
bed-wetting and
soiling, unexplained
marks, problems at
school, going
missing, self harm.
Indirect clues, like
asking about sexual
experiences or
leaving pornographic
material, diaries, or
letters where they
can be found.
If your child
confides in you,
support them. Tell
child protection,
youth services,
child abuse or
other appropriate
organisations.
If you think your
child has been
physically injured,
seek medical help.
Talk to your child
about what is
happening.
It is important that
your child feels that
you believe what she
or he is telling you.
Make it clear that
telling what
happened was the
right thing to do
and that you will
protect him or her
from further harm.
Know where your
child is; be familiar
with their friends
and daily activities.
Teach your child to
trust their own
feelings and assure
them that they
have a right to say
NO to what they
sense is wrong.
Listen carefully to
your child’s fears
and be supportive.
• NSPCC
0800 800 5000
• Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222
• Children’s Services
Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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● Often starts out with apparently innocent activity
● Child exploitation has devastating effects on children, both
physical and mental
● Exploitative adults are very sophisticated and well practised
in how they approach children
● Children are sometimes abused by people they know
● Often children will not talk about incidents of sexual exploitation
● Be sensitive to changes in your child’s behaviour. It is up to
attentive adults to recognise the signs of sexual exploitation
● It is important that your child feels that you believe what they
are telling you. Help and support your child, no matter what
New technology, old problem
Child exploitation takes many forms, including
child prostitution, child pornography and
pornography on the Internet. The vast majority
of children do not get involved voluntarily; they
are coerced, enticed or are utterly desperate.
Sadly, children are sometimes abused by
people they know within their own family or
wider network. As a parent you need to be able
to recognise the signs that your child might be
a victim of child pornography or any other form
of sexual exploitation.
Child pornography has devastating effects on
children, both on those who are exploited in
the actual pictures and those who view it.
Exploitative adults will encourage children to
view child pornography, which leads them to
see pornographic acts as acceptable and
normal. This acceptance can make them more
susceptible to being the subject of future
sexual involvement.
Child pornography places the children depicted
in extremely harmful situations, both sexually
and physically. It causes a sense of shame and
guilt in the child and a fear that family and
friends might find out and blame them.
This fear often makes it difficult for a child who
has been exploited to testify against a molester
in court.
Preventing children from being photographed
or portrayed as the subject of pornography
is difficult. Because abusers have no
distinguishing characteristics, it is difficult to
warn children about what an abuser is or looks
like. But you can warn children about the
abnormal actions of abusers and make sure
that children know that they have the right
to say NO.
Child prostitutes are victims of sexual abuse.
Unfortunately these victims often become
offenders themselves, in order to support
themselves or to escape from the life they lead,
they get involved in drugs and petty crime.
Internet-related child exploitation is now also a
major cause for concern. Remember that as you
or your child moves through the Internet, you
leave information about yourself. Become
computer literate and get to know the services
your child uses. Establish some Internet safety
rules with your child.
You should be aware of the indicators of sexual
and physical abuse and exploitation, such as
those listed under ‘Warning Signs’ opposite.
Obviously there could be other explanations,
but it is important to help your child no matter
what the cause of the symptoms or the
behaviour. For instance, you might become
aware of and concerned about your child’s
relationship with an older person (whom your
child might describe as a friend, whether male
or female) and/or frequent absences fro m
home/school.
Local Police and Children’s Services have small
specialist teams who are specially trained
to interview children with the support of
their parents.
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Social work has changed a
lot. In the past our approach to child
protection wasn’t very flexible. Now
we work more in partnership with
families where there are concerns to
make sure they get support before
”
things reach a crisis.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Social workers will
get involved when
they believe that
physical injury,
neglect, sexual or
emotional abuse
has occurred. Make
sure you know what
child abuse is contact the
helplines in the
Contacts column for
more information.
A social worker
(and sometimes a
police officer) will
meet with the
family when abuse
is reported. They
will also talk with
other professionals
in order to make
decisions about
how to help.
If you are worried
about your own or
someone else’s
treatment of a
child, seek advice
about what
practical and
emotional support
is available.
It is important that
children know what
to do when they
feel unsafe.
Do they know who
to talk to and how
to get to a safe
place or person?
• Childline
0800 1111
• NSPCC
0808 800 5000
• Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222
• Police
999 (in an
emergency)
• Children’s Services
Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Parents are responsible for their children’s safety
Children’s Services become involved once concern is shared
Decisions about abuse need careful assessment
Children are best cared for by their own families
Professionals want to work in partnership with families
Very few children are removed from home following abuse
Myths and realities
Very few adults harm children deliberately and
most often, when harm does happen, families
need support, not punishment or the removal of
their children.
seriousness of the incident and the effect on the
child. All of these factors will help to decide
what should happen next to support and protect
the child and family.
Barking & Dagenham social workers and other
professionals get involved when parents may
be unable to protect their child from harm and
need some help. In some cases Child Abuse
Investigation Teams will investigate with social
workers to help protect children and decide
whether an offence has been committed against
a child.
Social workers and the Police have a duty
(they have no choice about this) under The
Children Act 1989 to investigate concerns of
child abuse.
There have been lots of negative reports in the
media about social workers and what happens
when concerns about child abuse are reported.
Many myths exist, so for the record:
1. Child abuse is not easy to recognise,
prevent or stop.
It is rarely possible to definitely say that a child
has been abused or by whom. A care f u l
assessment is needed in order to find out what
has happened and what support and protection
will best help the family. As a result it can be
difficult to avoid some intrusion into family life.
A social worker will ask questions about family
circumstances, consider the frequency and the
2. Professionals are not solely
responsible for protecting children.
Traditionally, social workers have been expected
to make sure that children are safe. In order to
do this well, they rely on information from
parents, family, other professionals and the local
community who all play an important part in
identifying concerns about those close to them.
This helps to ensure that they are off e re d
support before the situation becomes far worse.
3. Reporting child abuse rarely results
in the child being removed from home.
This is not the main aim of child protection
investigations and rarely happens. Social
workers can only remove children from home
with a court order, having demonstrated that
there is serious and immediate risk. In
emergency situations the Police have power to
remove a child for no longer than 72 hours.
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I always wanted to be a good mother, but it was hard to keep on top of everything.
Finally I got some help and you wouldn’t believe the difference it’s made. I’m so proud of
”
how far we’ve come. We’re a family again.
WARNING SIGNS
POSSIBLE CAUSES
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Missed health
appointments,
basic needs not
being met,
behavioural
problems, not going
to school or poor
school progress,
not being clean, not
looking after
themselves and
hurting themselves
on purpose.
Family breakdown,
disability faced by
child or other
family member,
domestic violence,
parents using drugs
or alcohol or
mental health
issues.
Try to help your
child as best you
can but if there are
problems you
cannot help with
get help at once
from Children’s
Services, your
doctor or other
care professionals.
Try to tell them
about what’s
happening as
openly and honestly
as you can.
Be involved in
all meetings
and interviews.
The earlier you
seek help, the less
damage will be
done and the easier
it will be to sort out
the difficulties that
your child and your
family face.
• Discuss your
concerns with any
agency involved
with your family
• Speak to your
health visitor
or your child’s
school
• Children’s Services
Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Children do well when their parents or carers give them a good
standard of care and sometimes parents and carers need help
to do this
Children can be ‘in need’ for a wide variety of reasons
Barking & Dagenham ‘Children In Need Procedures’ are there to
make sure that children get the right services and care
By involving the child, the parents or carers and all the relevant
service providers together, the aim is to find and sort out issues
early and successfully
Permission is always needed from parents and carers to share
information amongst groups of professionals, unless the child is
at serious risk
Children have a right to have their basic needs met and to be
protected from abuse and neglect
Working together for our children
Who are ‘children in need?’
All sorts of children and families face a variety of
difficulties, where help is needed to make sure
that they are safe and supported. The difficulty
may arise from disability or family breakdown or
f rom difficulties that many parents face in
responding to their child’s changing needs. The
help that children and families need can come
from several different departments and agencies,
so Barking and Dagenham’s Children In Need
Procedures aim to bring together all the agencies
that can offer help. The goal is to meet the needs
of children and families in our community before
a problem becomes a crisis.
How it all works
When professionals with whom you have contact
become aware that you need help to meet the
needs of your child they will talk to you about how
they can help. If it is not possible for their agency
to provide the right service or advice they will
request your permission to ask another agency to
help. If a number of agencies need to make a plan
with you to meet your children’s needs they may
call a meeting, to which you will be invited, and at
which you will be given support to share your
views. At this meeting, you, your child and
re p resentatives from various agencies, work
together to find a successful way forw a rd to
overcome your individual difficulties. Plans made
at a children in need meeting will be written down
and reviewed within an agreed period of time.
Family focused
You and your child are fully consulted and are
encouraged to attend any meetings held about
your situation. By law, all information about your
family is treated in the strictest confidence and
your permission is required for information to be
shared, unless there are serious concerns about
your child’s safety. At any time, you and your
child have the right to express your views and
have anything you wish explained to you.
Make contact
The ‘Children In Need Policy and Procedures’
have been put in place to help both children and
families. If you feel your child may be in need,
remember you’re not alone. Make contact using
the details given on the page opposite or speak to
your health visitor or child’s school.
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When mummy goes
out, I lock the door from the
inside… she calls in the
letterbox to say goodbye,
I leave the lights on in case
anyone tries to get in.
Mummy usually comes
home in the night when
”
I am asleep.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Parents who have
little support.
A child who is
often seen outside
and all alone for
long periods of
time. Childcare
arrangements that
keep going wrong.
If there is immediate
risk of harm to a
child, call the Police.
If you are worried
about a child being
left alone, talk to
the parent, a health
visitor, teacher or a
social worker.
Think about shared
babysitting and chat
to neighbours,
friends or other
parents. Find out
about After-School
Clubs and Holiday
Play Schemes.
Barking and
Dagenham
Children’s
Information Service
have details of these
01375 652801.
• Contact your
health visitor
• NSPCC
0808 800 5000
• National Council
for One Parent
Families and Lone
Parents Helpline
0800 018 5026
• Barking &
Dagenham Direct
020 8227 2901
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Never leave a young child alone
Children under 13 years should not be left
Children are not ready for this amount of responsibility
Leaving a child alone places them at risk of harm
It can be a lonely and frightening experience
Plan who you could contact for emergency care
Common sense and the law
If a child is not ready to be left alone they can
feel sad, lonely, frightened and it can be
dangerous. There are many possible risks, both
physical and emotional, which could affect
your child in a bad way.
Also it is not possible to rely on a child to let
you know how much care they need. They may
say that they do not mind being left and may
find it fun at first, but they cannot fully know the
possible risks and how to handle them.
Even ordinary things that happen in life, such
as hunger, a storm, the phone ringing or
someone coming to the front door can cause
problems. An accident, feeling ill or a power cut
may occur and these are not things that a child
would know how to deal with.
It is never possible to leave your child and
assume that someone will look out for them
unless you have already spoken to a trusted
friend or neighbour and asked them to keep an
eye out.
If they are told, the Police or Childre n ’s
Services may take action if they think that a
child has been neglected by being left alone.
Neglect happens when a parent or carer does
not meet children’s basic needs of food, shelter,
security, attention or protection from danger.
The NSPCC have issued guidelines advising
that children under the age of 13 should not be
left alone. While this is not the law, it is
suggested as good practice. Children under
this age cannot manage the responsibility of
being left alone and this may be particularly so
if they have a disability.
As a young person grows older, leaving them
alone after school, for an evening or during the
day is less worrying as long as they are
prepared and know what to do if they are
worried or need anything. So preparation for
this is vital. If your child is 13 or over and you
feel he or she has the understanding to deal
with this, it is important that they know where
you are and who to contact in an emergency.
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I crept
downstairs because
I heard arguing. Dad
was standing over
mum kicking her.
I made sure that my
sister did not see, but
we still heard. When
mum came upstairs,
her nose was bleeding
and we all cried, we
stayed there until dad
”
went out.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Any violence
between adults will
affect children
badly. Get support
and help as soon as
possible. The
longer it lasts the
more damaging
violence is.
Report your concern s
about yourself or
someone else to the
Police. If you are
worried that your
child might be
affected, talk to
them about what
is happening.
Spend time together
talking through
worries they have.
Children need time
to talk about the
feelings they have
about violence.
Children need to
know that it is not
their fault and that
this is not the way
it should be.
A violent partner
must seek help to
stop their actions.
Make sure that you
offer a good role
model for children
so that they learn
better ways of
acting.
• National Domestic
Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
• Police
999 (in an
emergency)
• Children’s Services
- Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
• Barking and
Dagenham Domestic
Violence Advocacy
Service
020 8227 2133
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Domestic* violence teaches children to use violence
Violence can affect children in serious and long-lasting ways
Where there is domestic violence there is often child abuse
Children will often blame themselves for domestic violence
When violence occurs in families, alcohol is often a cause
Pregnant women are often victims of domestic violence
How does it affect children?
Domestic violence is a crime and a major social
problem affecting many families. In 90% of
reported domestic violence cases, childre n
have either been present in the same or a
nearby room.
Children who see, get involved or hear violence
are affected in many ways. What is certain is
that children do hear, they do see and they are
aware of violence in the family.
Children will learn how to act from what their
parents do. Domestic violence teaches children
bad things about relationships and how to
deal with people.
For instance:
• It can teach them that violence is the way
to sort out arguments.
• They learn how to keep secrets.
• They often do not trust those close to them
and think that they are to blame for violence,
especially if violence happens after an
argument about the children.
Many people find it difficult to understand why
people stay in or return to violent situations.
Fear, love, the risk of homelessness and
financial issues can make it very difficult for
partners with children to leave and some may
just not want to.
Short-term effects
Children are affected in many ways by
violence, even after a short time. These effects
include: feeling frightened; becoming shy and
quiet; bedwetting; running away; violence;
behaving badly; problems with school; poor
concentration and emotional upset.
Long-term effects
The longer children are around violence, the
worse the effects on them are.
These can include:
• A lack of respect for the non-violent parent.
• Loss of self-confidence, which will affect
how they form relationships in the future.
• Being over-protective of parent.
• Loss of childhood.
• Problems at school.
• Running away.
If you are worried about domestic violence,
discuss it with someone else such as your
health visitor or the domestic violence helpline.
If you are violent and have children, you can
seek help to stop what is happening.
If you are a victim you can apply, without the
need for a solicitor, for a Non-Molestation
Order in the Family Proceedings Court. Contact
the Duty Clerk at your local magistrates court.
If you would like details of solicitors in
your area who deal with family law, contact the
Law Society on 020 7242 1222 or look in the
Yellow Pages.
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When Angela
was young I thought I
couldn’t manage. She
cried all the time, I was
exhausted and nothing
worked. I felt such a
failure. I got so angry
with her I felt like shaking
her to stop her noise.
I had no idea how much
”
that could hurt her.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
A range of signs can
tell you if a child
may have been
shaken, including
feeding difficulties,
lack of energy, eye
injuries, sickness,
being moody,
speech and learning
difficulties, and
not developing
as they should.
If you are worried
about your child,
take him or her to
see your doctor,
health visitor or
to the casualty
department. Get
support, including
the helplines listed
under Contacts
(see right).
Talk to your child,
use eye contact,
smile, and cuddle
them. This will
develop your
understanding of
your baby’s needs
when he/she is
having difficulties.
It is never safe to
shake a child, not
even in play.
It is important for
brothers and sisters
playing together or
for the babysitter
or any other carer
to be told about
the dangers.
• Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222
• NHS Direct
24 hours
0845 4647
• Contact your
health visitor
or doctor
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Shaking is often caused by feeling out of control
Shaking can cause damage that you cannot see
Shaking can cause damage that is long-lasting
Never shake a child for any reason
There are different ways to cope with a crying baby
Do not suffer alone, seek support from others
Different ways to cope
Why do people shake babies?
Often babies and young children are shaken
when a parent or carer feels out of control,
when they will not stop crying due to colic,
illness or feeding difficulties. On average a
normal baby will cry for at least two hours every
day. If a baby has extra difficulties, they will cry
more and this can be very stressful. One in ten
babies cry much more than this and many
parents find this too difficult to manage.
Many parents may not know how much damage
a shake can do to a young child. Parents or
carers who do not have much patience may
become angry and more likely to give in and
shake the child. However there are many other
things to try and people to talk to.
Some very rough play with a young child can
also cause some similar injuries so never
shake a young child or swing them by the arms
or legs.
What damage can shaking cause?
Shaking a baby can cause death or serious and
long-lasting brain damage. Shaken Baby
Syndrome is an injury that results when a baby
is shaken so that his or her head wobbles
quickly back and forth. The force of this can
tear the blood vessels that connect the brain
and skull. This happens because a young
child’s neck muscles are not strong enough to
hold their head firmly. The action of shaking
can cause serious damage, even though the
parent does not think so. Never ever shake a
baby for any reason.
Ways to cope with a crying baby
Crying is the way all babies make sure that their
basic needs are met - they may be hungry,
thirsty, need a change of nappy or even some
company. Crying is neither your fault nor the
fault of your baby.
Some of the ways to cope include:
• Count to ten before doing anything and allow
yourself to calm down.
• Consider using a dummy.
• Hug and cuddle your child - perhaps with the
use of a baby-carrier so that they are close to
your body in order to help soothe them.
• Go for a walk or a drive to help them sleep.
• Make use of a helpline in times of crisis.
• If necessary walk out of the room for a short
time, but make sure that you are still nearby.
• Ask someone else to take over for a while.
• Talk to your health visitor.
17
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At first I thought it was just a teenage
thing. Paul started to come home late. A row always
started and he’d storm off to his room. He was
losing weight, looked terrible and I felt he was lying
”
to us. He just wanted to be out all the time.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
In general terms if
your child changes
in appearance, or
how they act or if
they have extra
money that you did
not know about you
should include drug
and alcohol misuse
in your list of
“I wonder if…”
questions.
Keep an eye on and
talk to your child if
you are worried.
In an emergency
contact an
ambulance at once.
Try to talk with
them about their
drug use.
Discuss drug use as
much as you can,
for example, when
drugs are
mentioned on TV.
You can give
information
regarding the risks
of drug use at an
early age.
Make sure that you
are informed about
drug use and what
can happen.
There are many
helpful guides
available from the
helplines listed
under Contacts.
• FRANK
(advice and help to
anyone affected
by drugs)
0800 77 66 00
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Many parents worry that their children may be smoking, drinking
or using drugs
Stopping something from happening in the first place is better than
trying to sort it out once it has already happened. Don’t let your
children see you smoke, drink to excess or take drugs - your
example is crucial
More young people are drinking, smoking and taking drugs than
ever before
One in twelve twelve-year olds and one in three fourteen-year-olds
have tried drugs
1,000 children under the age of 15 have to go to hospital each year
with severe alcoholic poisoning
Deaths associated with butane lighter refills accounted for 56% of
all ‘sniffing’ deaths in 1998 (Department of Health)
How would I know?
If you find out that your child has or may have
taken drugs, it can be frightening because of
the possible effects. This can be due to you not
knowing about drugs and not feeling confident
about talking about them. Most young people
who try drugs do not go on to use them all the
time. Addiction, crime and death are not as
usual as the stories in the newspapers or on TV
can lead us to believe.
It is very important that children know about the
risks of using drugs, alcohol and volatile
substances (for example solvents). More young
people have problems through drinking too
much than through drug use.
when being told about the risks of drug use.
Make sure you tell your children about the
risks. Clear information and support will help
them decide what to do. You cannot be sure
they will not try drugs but it will increase the
chance of making an informed choice.
Drug use among young people - how
widespread is it?
Drugs are more common among children and
young people than ever before.
Research shows that about one in twelve
twelve-year-olds and one in three fourteenyear-olds have tried drugs. By the time they
reach 16 years of age, two in every five young
people will have tried one type of drug or a
mixture of drugs. These figures apply across all
ethnic groups, whilst drug use is going up
amongst girls.
How would I know?
There are many signs, which include: a young
person who is panicky, tense or sleepy;
complaining of sickness; cannot concentrate;
lacks energy; is depressed; has skin problems
or is aggressive.
There may be a change in relationships with
family and friends, a change in the way they act,
or a change in how they do at school.
Other signs can be a change in how much
money they have and personal things
‘disappearing’ or being sold.
It is important to discuss drugs use early
Some pare n t s / c a rers worry that doing this
makes their child want to try drugs. By not
talking about drugs you will not protect them.
Children will be aware of drugs in some way
before they leave primary school. It is likely that
at this early stage, children will take more in
Why do young people use drugs, abuse
substances or drink alcohol?
They want to find out about them; they want to
break the rules; to relax; to escape reality; to
cope with difficult situations or feelings;
because they enjoy them or because their
friends do it.
Drug, alcohol and substance misuse
by parents
Drug, alcohol and substance misuse by adults
in the home can seriously affect the care and
well-being of children.
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Greg is ten - same age as me. I haven’t met
him, but we chat on the internet all the time. He’s really
funny. He wants to meet up tomorrow to play football...
”
I can’t wait to see what he looks like.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Spending a long
time in secret on the
Internet, changes in
how they act or
moods, unusual
sexual behaviour,
asking questions
about sexual
experiences or
words, leaving
pornographic
material, diaries,
letters or emails
where they can
be found.
If you think your
child has been
exposed to any form
of exploitation try to
get them to tell you.
Assure them that
they’ve done nothing
wrong and that you
will support them.
Make sure your child
knows that you
believe what they
tell you. Explain why
these things happen
and avoid making
them feel ashamed
about what
happened.
Teach your child to
trust their own
feelings and assure
them that they have
a right to say NO.
If possible move the
computer into a
family room. Talk to
your child about
Internet use and
safety rules.
• Childline
0800 1111
• Internet Watch
Foundation
0845 600 8844
WEBLINKS
• www.thinkuknow.co.uk (Contains lots of information on staying safe on the Internet and provides
links to NSPCC/ NCH/ CHILDLINE)
• www.childnet-int.org (Childnet International gives advice to young people and parents/carers
about using the Internet safely)
• www.kidsmart.org.uk
• www.iwf.org.uk (Internet Watch Foundation)
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Child exploitation has bad effects on children.
Paedophiles have been quick to use the Internet as a tool, they are
very well practised in how they approach children
Children are interested in the ‘adult’ world, but there are measures
you can take to protect your child from online risks and help them
make the most of the Internet in a safe way
Be sensitive to changes in how your child acts. It is up to adults to
look for the signs of sexual exploitation.
Research from the NSPCC shows that one in five 9 to 16 year-olds
use Internet chat rooms
New technology, old problem
Risks from the Internet
Children love the Internet, it’s a great way to
have fun, find materials for homework, buy
music, books, games etc. It has become a
vital tool for communication, information,
entertainment and shopping and it is critical to
your child’s development in today’s world.
For the majority of children, their use of the
Internet will be perfectly safe and enjoyable. But
nothing in life is 100% safe all the time.
The Internet is a useful tool for people wishing
to exploit children. Recent cases in the news
have shown that Internet chat rooms can be
used by paedophiles to make relationships with
children. They then ‘groom’ children to become
victims, either on the Internet itself, or by
arranging to actually meet with them. Often
victims believe that they are chatting to other
children online, as they cannot see who they
are talking to.
Internet pornography can cause damage to
children who see it. But worse still, the Internet
is a way in which pornographic images of
children are obtained and exchanged. Sadly
such images are in high demand, so
pornographers will go to great lengths to get
children involved against their will.
Making it safe to surf
There are ways in which you can help to protect
your child online and make sure that the
Internet is a safe way to learn and have fun.
Ask your Internet Service Provider or local
computer specialist about parental controls,
which can stop your child seeing websites
with sexual or other harmful content. These
methods cannot give a total safeguard but do
offer some degree of protection.
Learn all you can about the Internet. In the
same way that you would teach your child
about the dangers from strangers, warn your
child about dangers on the Internet and lay
down some ground rules regarding the time
they spend online. If possible avoid your child
going online in private, or at least make sure
you have access to their computer. Make sure
that they know they should never arrange to
meet a new friend made on the Internet without
a trusted adult going with them.
Watch out for possible signs of exploitation or
abuse. Some of these signs are often
completely innocent, but look out for changes
in your child’s mood or how they act, not
sleeping or bedwetting, bruises or marks,
problems at school, going missing or hurting
themselves on purpose, or having any
pornographic material. Be especially aware of
any new friendships between your child and
older people, whether male or female.
If your child is abused, whether mildly or
severely, it is vital to be 100% supportive, make
it clear that it is not their fault and that you
are there to help and protect them no matter
what happens.
Make contact
Local Police and Childre n ’s Services have
specialist teams who are specially trained to
deal with these forms of exploitation and offer
support to children and their families.
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I was shocked when she ran away
although, looking back, she was more of a
loner than her brother. We stopped talking
when my partner moved in but had been
really close before that.
”
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
There may be none
but does your child
seem to be
unhappy?
Are you sure that
they are not having
difficulties or being
bullied at school?
Has anything
happened in the
family that you
haven’t talked to
your child about?
If your child seems
unhappy about
anything in their
life, talk to them
and try to find
out what the
problem is before
it gets any worse.
Contact the Police
if your child goes
missing and you
don’t know where
they have gone.
Make sure that your
child knows how
important they are
to you. When you
have to tell your
child off, tell them
that it’s their
behaviour that
is the problem not them.
If something has
gone wrong in the
family, don’t let
your child think that
it’s their fault.
Be alert to any
unexplained
changes in your
child’s behaviour.
Spend time with
them and be
interested in their
lives and worries.
Do you know who
your child’s friends
are? Be very careful
about their access
to the Internet and
‘chat rooms’.
• Missing Persons
Helpline (24hrs)
0500 700 700
• Message Home
(for young people
to get a message
to their parents)
0800 700 740
• Runaway Helpline
0808 800 7070
• Get Connected
0808 808 4994
• NSPCC
0808 800 5000
• Children’s Services Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Make time for your child to talk to you about their worries - even
when you have to tell them off
If your child runs away they are not being naughty - they need
your help
Be honest about things that might be happening in the family
Look for signs that your child might not be happy at home
Help is available - please don’t be too embarrassed or afraid to ask
Your child is at risk from harm if they end up sleeping rough
From home and school
According to the NSPCC approximately 77,000
children under sixteen run away from home
every year. One in eight said that they had been
hurt and one in nine had suffered sexual abuse.
When children run away, they are not being
naughty - they are trying to tell us that they are
unhappy or trying to find out just how much we
do care about them.
Children who run away from home might be
looking for somewhere else to live because
they feel unsafe in their own home. They could
have problems, which they feel they are unable
to talk to their parents about. Many teenagers
and young people run away because of drug
taking or because they are pregnant.
However, if a child goes missing from home
repeatedly, receives unexplained gifts, and
possibly has an older ‘friend’, there is a
possibility they could be being sexually
exploited.
Children from all sorts of backgrounds run
away from home for a variety of reasons. Many
of us will remember planning to run away when
we were younger because we felt unable to
cope with our problems, that nobody cared
about us or because we felt we had been treated
unfairly. Usually, if a child does go missing
from home, it will be for a very short period usually until the child thinks that the parents
have noticed. Often, they will turn up at the
home of a friend or relative.
Young people who run away from home and
end up sleeping rough are extremely vulnerable
to sexual and physical abuse, and are more
likely to be offered drugs and alcohol.
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“
I couldn’t
understand why my 15-yearold daughter’s arms were
always covered in cuts.
When I found out what she
was doing, I went mad.
She’s just attention seeking…
”
isn’t she?
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
Look out for injuries
such as cuts, burns,
scalds or bruises.
Your child may
try to hide them
from you.
Be alert to the
warning signs of
self-harm. Try to
find out if your child
is self-harming.
Think of reasons
why they might be
doing this so that
you can talk through
problems and other
ways of dealing
with them.
You will be upset
but try not to judge
them, show them
you are angry or
try to force them
to stop. Make time
to really listen to
them and try to get
them to talk about
their problems.
Suggest they see a
professional who
they feel they can
talk to and their
Doctor who can
get them more help
if needed.
People who selfharm feel lonely
and unloved.
Giving your child
time to talk to
you, discussing
difficulties they
have and letting
them know you are
there for them will
help. Your support
will make them
feel better about
themselves.
• Childline
0800 1111
• The Samaritans
08457 90 90 90
(24-hour helpline)
• NHS Direct
0845 4647
• Children’s Services
Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
WEBLINKS
• www.childline.org.uk • www.samaritans.org/know/selfharm • www.nch.org.uk
• www.nshn.co.uk
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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One-in-ten young people hurt themselves
Self-harm is a sign of deeper problems
Understand the reasons why your child self-harms
Find out how to help your child
Understanding & support
According to the charity Samaritans, one-in-ten
young people self-harm and girls are more
likely to self-harm than boys. While the aim
is to hurt, it is not usually to kill themselves
and it may carry on for years without getting
any worse.
People who self-harm often use it as a way of
dealing with problems, such as depression,
bullying, abuse or feeling unloved. Young
people who self-harm say it is a way of being
in control and use it to help them cope, as
the physical pain takes their mind off
their problems.
Self-harm is not just about getting attention, as
it is most often carried out in private and kept
secret from family and friends. What they are
doing is a sign that they need help. Those who
self-harm usually think badly of themselves
and need even more attention and support.
Young people who self-harm often do not get
help for themselves because they may be
worried about what you will think of them and
their self-harm. Hurting yourself is a serious
problem even if the person only lightly cuts
themselves. A person who self-harms can’t just
decide to stop - they need help to get over
their problem. Most cases of harming do not
lead to death, but can be a sign that your child
may be thinking about more serious harm or
even suicide.
How you can help
If you know that your child hurts themselves on
purpose it is normal to feel very upset, angry
and powerless.
Your child needs your understanding and
support. Listen to what they are telling you
without judging them and try not to show you
are angry or upset or try to force them to stop.
If this is their way of handling problems then
other ways of dealing with them need to
be found and tried before they can stop
harming themselves. Helping them learn to
deal with stress and stopping the things that
cause them to self-harm in the first place will
be more useful.
If your child finds it difficult to tell you about
their feelings try to get them to them to talk to
another family member, friend, Teacher, Youth
Worker or other professional who can tell them
about other ways of dealing with stress and
who can tell them where to get more help. Oneto-one counselling, support groups and
practical support can all help.
Make sure your child can get first aid supplies
to treat injuries and stop infection. If a wound
looks serious or your child has taken an
overdose however small call 999. You should
also try to get your child to call you or the
emergency services if they ever self-harm and
hurt themselves seriously.
Try to get your child to talk to their Doctor, who
can tell them about other ways of dealing with
stress and who can tell them where to get more
help. One-to-one counselling, support groups
and practical support can all help.
25
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It was very hard to keep thinking about
the children’s needs when we separated. All I
wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.
I wish I’d talked to them more at the time,
as I know they all found it
”
really difficult.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
Saying bad things
or fighting with your
partner in front of
your children is
only going to hurt
them. Try to keep
calm when talking
about what’s going
to happen as how
you handle things
will have a big
impact on their
future. Your child
may take the side
of one parent, or
become withdrawn
and keep secrets.
Tell your children
about what’s
happening and how
it will affect their
lives. Show them
that their wellbeing is important
to you both by
listening to their
feelings and
wishes.
Children often think
the break-up of
their parents is
somehow their
fault. Explain why
you are breaking
up and that it is
nothing to do with
things your child
may have said or
done. Always give
them a chance to
talk about their
feelings and
worries.
If you do separate
• Childline
or divorce try to
0800 1111
stop your children
• Families Need
feeling hurt, guilty,
Fathers
or unloved. Talk to
0807 760 7496
them so they
• Gingerbread Helpline
understand why you
0800 018 4 318
are breaking up and
how this will affect
their lives. Let
them know that
both of you will do
what you can to
keep their lives as
normal as possible.
WEBLINKS
• www.itsnotyourfault.org (Advice and support for both parents and teenagers)
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
26
CONTACTS
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Separation can be as upsetting for your children as it is for you
Talking helps them understand what will be happening in their lives
Let them know you will both still be there for them
Try not to talk your child into taking sides
It’s not their fault
When a relationship breaks down it is hard for
the whole family. While you may think it is
kinder to try and protect your children from the
details, the truth is that the more your child
understands what is going on, the easier they
will find it to cope.
If possible, have both parents there when you
explain what’s going to happen and why. Try not
to fight in front of them and make it clear that
even though you will be living apart you will
both be there for them whenever they need you.
They may have mixed feelings during this time
including feeling hurt, confused and unloved.
You both need to be patient and understanding
of their needs as well as your own.
Children often think that their parents’ breaking
up is somehow their fault and that they’ve done
something wrong. They may also feel that if
they do things differently in the future you may
get back together. They need to understand that
what’s happened is not their fault.
While most children want contact with both
their parents, a young person can view what’s
happened differently and may blame one of you
for the break-up. You may find your child taking
the side of one parent. Hopefully, this will pass
and by explaining the facts, a good relationship
can be kept with both parents.
Learning to listen
Talk to your children and listen to what they
have to say. How you handle the break-up is
important for their well-being. Try to get them
to talk about their feelings and involve them
in making choices about the future. As well as
feeling like they are losing a parent in some
way, they may also be worried that they will
have to move house or change schools, so tell
them about what may need to happen. Talk to
your children about who they will live with,
where and what other changes may happen.
Even though you are going through a difficult
time yourself, your child will also be feeling
a sense of loss and hurt, so let them know
what is happening to help them deal with their
own feelings.
Making arrangements
If you and your partner are finding it hard to talk
and agree you can get help from your local
Mediation Service.
27
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“
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Smacking is the only
thing that works… I get so
frustrated with him sometimes.
Besides, I was smacked when
I was a child and it never did
”
me any harm.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
A child who flinches
or moves away
when they fear they
might be hit.
Smacking a child
hard with a force,
which (when you
look back at it) you
feel you shouldn’t
have done and feel
bad about. Leaving
bruising and other
marks on a child.
If you are worried
about your own or
someone else’s
smacking get
support from the
organisations listed
under Contacts
(see right). If it is
someone you know,
offer practical help
and suggestions.
Tell your child they
have gone too far or
broken family rules.
Use your tone of
voice and the
expression on your
face to help them
understand that
they have reached
the limit. Explain
your reasons why.
Make it a general
rule not to smack
your child. Use
other ways to
discipline, set clear
limits and explain
them, be firm and
stick to rules,
ignore minor bad
behaviour and
reward good
(perhaps use a
star chart).
• Barnardos
020 8550 8822
• NSPCC
0808 800 5000
• Health visitor
• School nurse
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Smacking does not teach children self-discipline
Smacking gives attention to a child’s bad behaviour
Children learn best by attention to things they do well
There are many better things to do than to smack
Smacking teaches children to hurt others
When self-discipline is taught, smacking is not needed
The great debate
It is important that children learn how to behave
and control how they act as they get older.
Parents have a very important job as role
models for their children in helping them to
learn how to do this.
Teaching children from a young age by setting
limits and explaining reasons for these limits
helps them develop self-discipline. Smacking,
which controls your child from the outside, has
no long-lasting good effects. In fact smacking
usually has to become harder in order to have
the same impact on your growing child. This is
where the thin line between smacking and
hitting can be crossed.
Have you ever smacked your child? The answer
from many parents reading this will be ‘yes’.
Every parent experiences frustration with his or
her child at some time. It is at these times that
a parent may smack in the heat of the moment,
but this is an outlet for the parent’s feelings,
rather than a helpful way of training a child.
However, simply because lots of people may
have smacked their children does not mean it is
the best way to punish your child or make sure
they are good. Those who say smacking is okay
have argued that it is not harmful in the long
term and is the most immediate form of
discipline. However, it is much more helpful
and safer to notice and reward your child’s
good behaviour, in order to encourage the
behaviour you want.
Fewer parents are smacking their children now.
Lots of those who keep doing so do it because
they are not sure what else will work.
In UK society parents are not allowed to hurt
their children whatever their individual, cultural
or religious reasons.
As a result, child protection professionals will
look at cases of abuse of children so that they
can understand, explain the result and stop it
happening again.
In England and Wales the Children’s Act says
smacking is against the law if it causes bruises,
reddening of the skin or mental harm.
There are a number of other ways to deal with
your child’s bad behaviour. Talk to one of the
agencies listed under Contacts to find one that
works for you.
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“
Not only has he learnt
to walk and talk, but now he’s
learnt to stamp his foot, argue,
scream until he’s bright red and
embarrass me in public on a
regular basis. What’s happened to
”
my baby?
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
It could happen
anywhere, but
watch out for a tired
or hungry child at a
time when he or
she wants
something that you
have said ‘no’ to,
like when out
shopping or during
a day out.
Keep calm, think
about whether your
child needs food or
rest. Give your
child attention and
try to find a quiet
place or some way
of getting his or her
attention. Don’t
give in, but try to
understand your
child’s feelings.
Try to give your
child a choice or a
way out. Be calm
and understanding.
Keep it simple
and clear. Praise
your child for
calming down.
Avoid long shopping
trips or tiring days
out. It often helps
to give your child
extra cuddles or
talk to them more.
Try to see causes
for tantrums in the
day ahead and
think of ways to
avoid them.
• Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222
• Health visitor
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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One in five two-year-olds has a tantrum at least twice a day
The ‘Terrible Twos’ are a normal part of growing up
Getting angry is natural but it just makes things worse
Try to find a good way to deal with problems
Plan to avoid the causes of tantrums
Remember, they won’t last forever!
When every day is
a difficult day
Why temper tantrums happen
Ta n t rums may start around 18 months, are
common at two years old and are much less
common at four. Very young children are often
not able to tell you things as much as they want
to and their frustration may come out as
a tantrum.
Tantrums are more likely to happen if a child is
tired, hungry or uncomfortable. Tantrums also
often happen in busy, public places, which can be
embarrassing and add to the parents’ stress.
If you are worried about the way your child is
acting talk to your health visitor or doctor.
Dealing with temper tantrums
• Keep calm. Getting angry and shouting at your
child will only make things worse.
• Your child might be tired or hungry so rest or
food might help. Or they might just need
a cuddle.
• Try to find something else interesting to do or
look at. If you’re in a busy or noisy place try to
go somewhere quieter.
• If none of these work, try to see things from
your child’s point of view and understand what
they actually want. Try giving them a choice, as
this gives your child a sense of control and can
be better than simply saying "no". Always try to
offer a positive way out.
• If you do say ‘no’ don’t give in later to calm
them down. If you give in your child will learn
that tantrums work!
• If you’re at home you can try ignoring the
tantrum, or maybe walking away into another
room if it’s safe to do so. Get your child to cool
down on their own and talk more calmly about
what they want.
• After the tantrum, praise your child for settling
down. Even though they may no longer be
angry they may still be upset, so give them a
cuddle and make it clear that you still love
them no matter what.
Avoiding temper tantrums
Tantrums are less likely if you plan ahead.
• Try to stop your child getting hungry
or overtired.
• Make sure your child has enough attention
and affection.
• Make sure your time together is quality time
especially if you work long hours.
• Keep shopping trips and outings as short
as possible.
• Try to plan a method that you’ll use to deal with
tantrums when they happen and to share the
approach with other adults in your child’s life.
Remember, temper tantrums are normal and do
not usually lead to serious problems. As your
child gets older they will learn to deal more
calmly with the stresses of everyday life.
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6055-Barking & Dagenham
“
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Page 33
Everyday I hear the
child next door crying, her
parents are always shouting
at her. Yesterday, in the
street, I saw her mother hit
her hard across the side of
the head. This is probably
none of my business but
”
I am worried and not sure
what to do.
WARNING SIGNS
ACTION
WHAT TO SAY
PREVENTION
CONTACTS
There are many
possible signs of
abuse, ranging from
injury to changes in
the way a child is
acting. You could
see something
happen or a child
may tell you that he
or she is being hurt.
If you think that a
child has been hurt,
contact the Duty
Social Worker or the
Police. If you are
not sure, you can
speak to a helpline
such as the NSPCC
and your call will be
kept private.
Explain exactly what
you have seen or
been told. If you
can, keep a note of
dates, injuries and
the exact words
used. These will
help you.
Make sure your
child knows who
they can share
worries with if and
when they need to.
Listen carefully to
children and
notice any changes
in them.
• NSPCC
0808 800 5000
• Parentline Plus
0808 800 2222
• Childline
0800 1111
• Children’s Services
Safeguarding and
Rights Division
020 8227 3882/3860
Check website for any recent changes in telephone details - www.bardag-lscb.co.uk
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Protecting children is everybody’s business
Adults have a responsibility to report abuse
Consider offering some support if you are worried
If in doubt share your concerns about children
Reporting concerns rarely leads to a child being removed
Act now - long-term abuse is damaging for children
Should you mind
your own business?
All parents have problems at times but can
be helped by other family members or
close friends.
If someone you know is having difficulties,
you could:
• Listen to their problems.
• Help them cope.
• Encourage them to get more help.
• Support them by babysitting or
doing shopping.
There may be times when a child is at risk of
harm and you need to get help.
How would you want other people to act if your
child was being harmed?
• Would you want them to mind their
own business?
• To report their worry to a professional who
could help?
When we think, see or are told about a child
that is being hurt we can react in many different
ways. We may feel guilty, angry, or shocked.
Some people’s reactions can stop help getting
to a family who need it.
Many people do not tell because they fear that:
• Children will get hurt more.
• They believe that nothing will be done.
• They believe that the child would be
taken away.
• They worry that the family may find out who
reported them.
• Telling may ruin family relationships.
In truth, it is best that action is taken early to
stop things getting worse. Long-term abuse is
much more likely to cause problems for a child
as they get older. Even if you think something is
just a one off, other agencies may already have
concerns about the child. Your information
could be very important.
If you re p o rt your concerns to Children’s
Services, you will be asked for your details and
details of the worries you have. You should write
down what you want to say before you speak to
them so that you can remember everything.
Remember that Every Child Matters.
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Helpful National Organisations
Advisory Centre for
Education
0808 800 5793
Anti Bullying Campaign
www.help@bullying.co.uk
Benefit Enquiry Line
(For people with a disability)
0800 88 22 00
British Pregnancy
Advisory Service
0870 365 5050
Brook Advisory Centre
0800 018 5023
www.brook.org.uk
www.kidscape.org.uk
Message Home
(For young people to get
a message to their parents)
0800 700 740
Missing Persons Helpline
(24 hours) 0500 700 700
National Council for
One Parent Families
020 7428 5400
Lone Parent Helpline 0800 018 5026
Carers Helpline
0808 808 7777
Care Line
(National) 020 8514 1177
Child Accident
Prevention Trust
www.capt.org.uk
020 7608 3828
Child Line
0800 1111
Cruse Bereavement Care
0870 167 1677 or
Young Persons Helpline
0808 808 1677
www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk
www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
NSPCC
0808 800 5000
Disability Rights Commission
0845 762 2633
Disabled Living
Foundation Helpline
0845 130 9177
Eating Disorders Association
0845 634 7650
www.edauk.com
Education & Resources for
Improving Childhood
Continence (ERIC)
0117 960 3060
Family Planning Association
0845 310 1334
www.fpa.org.uk
Family Rights Group
0800 731 1696
Family Friends of Lesbian
& Gays (FFLAG)
01454 852418
www.fflag.org.uk
Gingerbread
0800 018 4318
www.gingerbread.org.uk
Internet Watch Hotline
0845 600 8844
34
Kidscape
(Parent bullying helpline)
08451 205 204
National Deaf Children’s Society
020 7490 8656
National Domestic
Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
www.womensaid.org.uk
www.refuge.org.uk
National Drug Helpline (FRANK)
0800 77 66 00
www.talktofrank.com
NHS Direct
0845 4647
www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
www.nspcc.org.uk
OfSTED Complaints Line
0845 601 4772
OfSTED Help Line
0845 601 4771
Parentline Plus
0800 800 2222 or
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
Royal Society for the Prevention
of Accidents (RoSPA)
0121 248 2000
www.rospa.co.uk
Samaritans
0845 790 90 90
www.samaritans.org.uk
Young Minds Parent’s
Information Service
0800 018 2138
Young Minds
020 7336 8445
www.youngminds.org.uk
6055-Barking & Dagenham
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Helpful Local Organisations
Barking and Dagenham
Council for Voluntary
Service/Community
Empowerment Network
(VCS/CEN)
St Georges Centre
St Georges Road
Dagenham RM9 5AJ
020 8227 5494
Barking and Dagenham
Victim Support Scheme,
Young Peoples Worker
020 8595 4455
Barking and Dagenham
Domestic Violence
Advocacy Service
020 8227 2133
Children's Centres in
Barking & Dagenham:
Abbey Children's Centre
North Street
Barking
IG11 8JA
020 8724 1260
Castle Green Children's
Centre
Gale Street
Dagenham RM9 4UN
020 8724 1530
Gascoigne Children's Centre
140 St Ann's
Barking IG11 7AD
020 8724 1147
John Perry Children's Centre
Auriel Avenue
Dagenham RM10 8BS
020 8724 1560
Marsh Green Children's
Centre
New Road
Dagenham RM10 9NJ
020 8270 6731
Sue Bramley Children's
Centre
Sue Bramley Centre
Bastable Avenue
Barking IG11 0LG
020 8270 6619
Connexions Centre
Unit 7, Monteagle Court
32-38 Wakering Road
Barking
Essex IG11 8TE
020 8591 9999
www.futures-careers.co.uk
Email: futures_careers@vtplc.com
Drive
Patient Unit Riverside
Roxwell Road
Barking
Essex IG11 0PR
020 8724 1286
A specialist prescribing service in
Barking & Dagenham.
Eaves Women’s Aid Barking
and Dagenham
0800 980 1993
Patients' Advice and Liaison
Service (PALS)
0800 389 5360
Primary Care Trust
The Clock House East Street Barking
IG11 8EY
020 8591 9595
For information about GPs,
community clinics and other local
health information.
Details of local Walk in Centres:
- Barking Walk in Centre
132 Upney Lane
Barking IG11 9YD
020 8924 6262
- Broad Street Walk in Centre
Morland Road RM10 9HU
020 8596 4400
- King George Hospital
Barking Hospital and
Queens Hospital
0845 130 4204
The Listening Zone (TLZ)
Young People’s Counselling service 14 - 21 years
020 8491 2345
Women’s Trust
Counselling Services
020 8522 7856
Wellgate Children's Centre
119 Rose Lane
Romford RM6 5NR
020 8270 6091
Information on Local Children’s Services can be accessed via a service directory on
the Barking and Dagenham website:
www.barking-dagenham.gov.uk/6-children/portal/children-portal.html
35