Lesson
6
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Rubber&Road
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Lesson
6
Rubber
& Road
*Make sure you have watched
the video introduction to Lesson 6:
Video
Textbook
Workbook
* Rubber & Road before you complete
this textbook and workbook!
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Lesson
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Textbook
Lesson 6 is designed to enable the rubber to meet the road. In other words, it’s about helping
you
make great things stick by setting up your life to be aligned with your purpose and
passion on an almost daily basis (I say ‘almost’ because – to put it bluntly - crap happens. We all have
moments where we abandon our beautiful, purposeful life and skulk under the covers with an entire
packet of double chocolate Tim Tams. Sidenote: If you’re not Australian, google ‘Tim Tams’ and
then order some just for these skulking-under-the-covers-type situations).
To make a beautiful, purposeful life stick, we need to, as often as we can, a) make beautiful and purposeful
leaps of faith and b) use our time beautifully and purposefully.
That’s exactly what we will concentrate on in this lesson: how to make the ‘right’ leaps of faith and how to
use your time well. In amidst this, we will look at setting boundaries that feel wonderful to you.
To start proceedings, let’s go right back to our Getting Ready for School video – the very first video you
watched in The School of Purpose and Passion. In it, I introduced a guideline for you to observe throughout
School – and life – in order to maximise growth and joy:
Lean into discomfort
And in your Lesson 5 textbook on Big Buts, I mentioned an analogy that comes in handy when trying to
minimise self-sabotage and increase your upper limits:
Imagine you’re up on a high diving board and you’re looking down, metres below, about to dive – into a
pool of toxic sludge. There is fear and discomfort, absolutely – it’s like a ‘yeccch’ feeling. Your whole body
contracts with ickiness and disgust.
Now imagine you’re up on that same high diving board, but you’re looking down into a large pool of
sparkling, clear water. Again, there is fear and discomfort, but it feels more exhilarating – like a big gust of
cool, clean wind in your face. THIS is the type of discomfort to seek and then to experience on a daily basis.
If you want to set your life up to be purposeful, energised, joyful and meaningful, you need to seek out
this exhilarating discomfort almost every day. The very best way to do this is to make leaps of faith, with
confidence and consistency.
What do I mean by leaps of faith?
My view is that you can live life with a tendency towards one of two extremes. The first involves making small
decisions that may make you feel safe and comfortable, but eventually lead to boredom and cynicism. The
second involves taking leaps of faith that may make you feel uncomfortable and almost risk-seeking, but
eventually lead to a life of purpose, passion and meaning.
Here’s an example from a client of mine – let’s call her Helena. Helena was offered a role with a company
she loved. The business had a mission she resonated with strongly, the work itself was exciting, and she knew
that she would learn a tremendous amount from the business leader and enjoy working with him. Every cell of
her body was aching to leave her strenuous accounting role in a major consulting firm and work in a business
that allowed her to express and explore her passions.
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The problem was that this new, exciting role was in a small business that had only been
around for three years. The business was thriving – but Helena knew there were risks that came with
joining a small start-up. Her aging parents cautioned her against the move, urging her to remain with the
safer option of a major consulting firm. Her partner was supportive, but worried about what the future
might entail if the small business went belly-up. She had built a reputation as someone who does great
work on important and large-scale projects in a well-known and reputable firm, and she feared that the
change might damage her career progression.
In her heart Helena knew that the work she was doing did not create the fire in the belly she was searching
for. She felt stuck; stuck between two options - one that seemed sensible, logical and safe and one that
felt exhilarating, risky but deeply right.
Fast-forward a year and – yes – Helena took the leap of faith and quit her accounting job in the major
consulting firm and is now a vital part of a growing team in an award-winning small business. Her friends
and family comment that she is a new person: happy, healthy, glowing. She now has a sparkle in her eye
that had not been there before. Helena feels free, exhilarated and passionate on a daily basis. When she
thinks back and imagines having stayed at the major consulting firm, she feels an intense physical reaction
of what can only be described as ‘ickiness’.
Here’s the kicker. Are you ready? The major consulting firm recently made all of Helena’s teammates
redundant. What others perceived to be the ‘safe’ option – a stable job in a large organisation - ended up
being the risky option after all.
I’d love you to play with an idea for me:
Leaps of faith that feel risky but right are FAR SAFER than
decisions that feel safe but ‘icky’.
You may remember in Lesson 3 (Magic) that we considered the possibility that the universe is set up to
shower you with blessings, and that your purpose is trying to find you. I asked you to stay alert for messages
of ‘next step, next step’ by tuning into your body and drawing on your intuition rather than listening to your
lizard brain.
If you are alert to these messages, you’ll see that they often take the form of decisions you need to make.
And reasonably often, there is a clear choice between a safe option and a riskier option. One will feel like
a small decision (to stay where you are, to keep feeling as you’re feeling, to be as you have been in the
past) and the other will feel like a leap of faith (to go, to feel different, to be different).
On these occasions, I urge you to check in with your body. Which option gives you a feeling of freedom
and exhilarating discomfort? Go with this option. It won’t necessarily feel safer, but it will inevitably be
the safer option in the long term. Remember the main function of the lizard brain? To keep you safe and
hidden. Leaps of faith FREAK your lizard brain out, because they tend to involve doing exactly the opposite
of remaining safe and hidden. Leaps of faith require you to put yourself out there. Because of this, there
will always be fear when you are taking a leap of faith to follow your passion. If the fear is exhilarating and
clean, you know you can disregard your lizard fears.
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Having said all this, I am of course not advising you to sell your furniture, leave your spouse
and join a commune immediately. I am also not advising you to leave your job right this minute.
You need to first know, deep in your bones, that the leap of faith is the right one to take.
Here is a rule of thumb for you to use. One option may energise you, but if it’s a manic, slightly ‘icky’ energy
then stop where you are and cease all forms of decision-making and leap-taking immediately! I never make
a huge leap of faith when I am feeling manically energised. You will know when your particular leap of faith
is the right one because you will feel a combination of calm and excitement. And, once the decision is
made, the universe will rally to support you with all manner of things. Contacts, information, publishing deals.
You will feel like you’re in flow; like things are happening effortlessly around you.
Once you have made your leap of faith (and you will continue to
make leaps of faith, by the way, almost every day), you need to use time
in a way that supports you achieving whatever it is you have
decided to do.
And often, this is the very area in which we let ourselves down. We use our intuition to make a huge leap of
faith that feels absolutely right. Then we throw intuition out the window and put our noses to the grindstone,
dividing our days up into 15-minute slots and allocating chunks of work to each slot, no matter if we feel like
doing it or not.
Then we wonder why our purpose and our passion - which once enlivened us so much - now make us feel
tired and listless.
We live in a culture that is enslaved to time. We see time as our enemy – and if not our enemy, as our boss.
We punish ourselves if we didn’t do enough with our day. We say no to things we should say yes to – and yes
to things we should say no to – all because it’s in our calendar! We must obey the calendar!
If we are to live our lives of sustained passion and purpose, we need to radically rethink how we approach
time. Now, there are absolutely no rules when it comes to time management. If you think the next few
paragraphs will outline the perfect time management system, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. My
view? They’re not worth the money or the time. Here is the one rule I am comfortable advising you to follow:
Do what works for you to create a life you love with
people you adore.
In my experience, while there are no rules there are four Golden Guidelines of Time that can help you shape
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a beautiful and purposeful life. Use them as you wish.
Think of time as serving you, not bossing you around. Time is there
for you to use as you need to create a life you cherish. You are not a slave to it. If anything, time should be a
slave to you. Use it well, or don’t use it well – it’s up to you - but always remember, you are choosing how you
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use it, each and every minute.
Use time with intensity and intuition. The combination of intensity and intuition is
incredibly powerful. Attack whatever is in front of you with sheer intensity. Be fully present with it. Set up your
surroundings so you can be fully engaged in the task at hand. (This means switching off email and shutting
the door when you need to – the open-door policy has a lot to answer for in terms of purpose, passion and
productivity).
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Here is a potent question to ask yourself in order to lift your intensity: “How can
I make this more fun?’ Fun and intensity seem at odds with each other, but as soon as you
lift your enjoyment you also increase your engagement – and therefore your intensity.
For me this means playing heart-swelling music as I write, or doing research in the dappled shade outside,
or holding our Inkling Women workshops in stunningly beautiful venues – with amazing food, of course.
But don’t allow intensity to trump intuition. We are chronic overschedulers. And, once the schedule is
organised, we allow it to dictate how we spend our time. You might crave a bit of time with your Dad, or
your children, or your best friend – but instead you press on with the data entry you scheduled in. Or you’ll
be inside writing a report on a stunning day when really what our body needs is a five minute walk in the
sunshine. We continually suppress our innate wisdom, at a great cost to our purpose and passion.
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My personal advice? By all means keep a list of the things you
must get done on a given day. But keep the list short. And then
allow your intuition to call the shots. It tends to be a whole lot
smarter than your schedule.
Get great at starting. The one exception to allowing intuition to trump your schedule?
Procrastination. If your soul is craving walking barefoot on the grass, go for it. If it’s craving some pottering
time on Facebook? I don’t believe you.
You’ll remember from Lesson 5 that we often resist what is best for us – whatever leads us to grow. This
means that the tasks we actually really want to be doing, deep down – the tasks that will actually
contribute to a life of purpose and passion - are the tasks we procrastinate over.
You might also remember that I suggested playing a trick on yourself. If you’re resisting (or procrastinating)
just start. Give yourself five minutes on the clock to get immersed in the work at hand. My bet is that in five
minutes, you’ll be enjoying yourself hugely.
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Get great at just starting, and your days will feel more purposeful and passionate almost immediately.
Treat time as fluid, not fixed (small note from me: you may need to believe in magic
for this guideline too).
We have so many expressions that treat time as an external enemy:
• I’m up against the clock
• Time just got the better of me
• If only there were more hours in the day
• I’m running out of time
Here is the interesting thing (and if you’re scientifically minded and more of a Newtonian than an
Einstein-ian, think of this as an experiment). When we treat time as something that can be stretched and
contracted to meet our exact needs, it tends to do exactly this. Have you ever been thoroughly absorbed
in your work, working on something that you thought would take your three days, and it gets done in three
hours?
If you’re looking to experiment with the notion of fluid time, just say this sentence to yourself whenever you
feel pressed for time:
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“I have the exact amount of time I need”
Then relax. Then watch as time stretches and shifts to meet your exact requirements of it.
One last concept before you can get stuck into your workbook: setting boundaries. Many of us need to
get a whole lot better at setting boundaries. I have worked with coaching clients who wake up to a day
that is based entirely around meeting others’ needs and demands, with precious little time allocated to
their own purpose, pleasures or passions.
“I just can’t say no!”, I hear. “I’m worried I’ll hurt someone’s feelings. What will they think of me if I quit that
board/stop serving at the tuck shop/don’t rock up to that party?”
I love Danielle LaPorte’s take on setting boundaries: “We fill up our lives. That’s what humans do. The
question is what are you filling it with?”. And my favourite quote? “Whatever is on your plate got there
because you said yes to it”.
You are in absolute control of how you spend your time. You
choose what is in your diary or calendar. And if you’re not
enjoying how you spend your time – at least 80% of the time
– then you have the power to spend your time differently.
So, a question for you to mull over before we get to the workbook. Are you filling your life spending
time doing things you love? Are the activities you are engaged in helping you to create the rich and
meaningful life you desire to lead? If not, why not? If the reason is that you are worried about what others
will think of you, let me reiterate something to you. This beautiful, precious life you are living is YOUR LIFE!
You can spend your time as you choose to spend it.
Setting boundaries simply means being super clear about the life you want to live, and using time
purposefully to create this life. Once you are clear, it becomes very easy to start saying no to things you no
longer want to do.
Here’s the big trick. Do not apologise. Do not justify. Be simple, direct and respectful:
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It’s time for me to move on. Thank you for having me on the board for all these weeks/months/years.
I have appreciated/enjoyed (insert the thing you have appreciated or enjoyed)
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I’m no longer able to do tuck shop duty. Thank you so much for the experience.
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I’m not available on Saturday for the party. Thanks so much for inviting me.
Done! Dusted! And if others are upset or offended? It’s none of your business. Again – YOUR life, not theirs!
Time for the workbook! See you there.
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If you can, play some loud music – something that gets your heart pounding (one idea - No Doubt:
I’m just a girl). Use headphones if you have to.
Now, without overthinking: where in your life have you decided to play it safe? What are the leaps of
faith your body is aching to make? List them here:
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With the music off now, read through the list above while you are tuned into your body. How does your
body feel in response to each leap of faith? If any of them make you feel calm, free and exhilaratingly
uncomfortable, put a star next to them.
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We’re going to revisit an exercise from Lesson 4, but with a slightly different focus. In detail, write a
description of an ideal day in the life of you. This is a work day rather than a rest day.
Take some time over the next two questions, and make sure you’re in a space where you feel tuned into
your body.
In detail, write a description of an ideal day in the life of you. This is a work day rather than a rest day.
How are you spending your time, hour to hour? Dreaming trumps reality for the purpose of this question.
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Now write a description of an ideal rest day. How are you spending your time, hour to hour?
Again, dreaming trumps reality.
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Take a good look at the descriptions in Questions 4 and 5. Now take a good hard look at the activities
you fill your life with. In what ways are you spending your time now that are at odds with the life you
want to create? How do you need to reshape how you spend your time to create a life you love with
people you adore? What would you start doing? What would you stop doing?
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