A.S 90054
Exemplar 1
Achieved with excellence
Describe an important conflict in the text.
Explain how this conflict helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Looking for Alibrandi
Melina Marchetta
Full introduction gives:
• brief overview of
novel
• identifies and
gives some
background to
conflict
• identifies main
idea
Each body paragraph
has:
• clear topic
sentence
• full explanation
integrated with
quotation and
specific
references
• personal
response to idea
in concluding
sentence
Control of language assists
writer to develop a
perceptive response.
In the novel “Looking for Alibrandi” by Melina Marchetta, Josephine
Alibrandi is a seventeen year old second generation Australian; that is, her
grandparents emigrated from Italy to Australia where Josie’s mother and in
turn Josie herself were born. Living in Australia in the nineties and having a
very strong cultural heritage means that Josie is very confused about her
culture and where she belongs in it, due to the conflict between her two very
different cultures. This conflict and its resolution helped me to understand
the main idea of the text – that you have to be happy with yourself as that is
who you are, whether Australian, Italian, or, indeed, any culture whatsoever.
Gossip plays a major role in Josie’s cultural conflict; not only does she
receive it from the Australians but from the Italian community as well. As
Josie says, “Telecom would go broke if it weren’t for the Italians.” An
example of this intricate gossip network in action is when Sera drives Josie
home from the beach. She is seen by Signora Formosa, who tells Zia
Patrizia, who passes it on to Nonna, who informs Christina, Josie’s mother.
“This ever-watchful network is partly responsible for Josie’s cultural conflict
– she cannot behave like a “normal” Australian teenager without her every
move being reported back to her grandmother, or her mother, or both. This
helped me to understand the idea that being a victim of gossip affects a
person greatly, or as Nonna says, “Talk can break you.”
The rules and regulations placed on Josie by her Italian heritage also
contribute to her cultural conflict. Her grandmother disapproves strongly
with Josie going out with any boy who isn’t Italian because as Nonna says
“What do they know about culture? Do they understand the way that we
live?” Josie finds this restrictive, as do her boyfriends. When Josie
announces to Jacob that he’ll “have to meet my mother,” Jacob replies “No
way mate, I don’t meet mothers. This helped me to understand the text
through highlighted how different standards for different people can be
confusing and cause conflict, especially if, like Josie, you live within two
very different cultures with very different standards.
However, Josie’s cultural differences would not be a problem if she disliked
all aspects of the Italian culture. On days such as Tomato Day (or National
Wog Day, as Josie calls it) Josie feels a great sense of inclusion, belonging
and pride, because “like religion, culture is nailed into you so deep that you
can’t escape it. No matter how far you run.” This helped me to understand
the richness and diversity of different cultures, and to understand why Josie
feels such conflict.
Writer makes perceptive
comments about the effects
of the cultural conflict on
Josie and integrates a
range of supporting
evidence from across the
text.
Whether positive or negative, different aspects of Josie’s cultural conflict
ultimately led to Josie’s led to her emancipation, as she finally “understood”.
This cultural conflict helped me to understand the idea in the text that
accepting your culture is a vital step in accepting yourself. Josie’s cultural
conflict resolved, and made Josie realize that “If someone comes up and asks
me what nationality I am, I’ll look at them and say that I’m an Australian
with Italian blood flowing rapidly through my veins. I’ll say that with pride,
because it’s pride that I feel.”
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 2
Achieved with excellence
Describe a challenge in the text.
Explain how this challenge helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Montana 1948
Larry Watson
Interesting opening which
engages reader and outlines
the challenge.
Challenge described and
linked to key idea.
Evaluative comments here
and elsewhere about the
effects of the Wes’s decision
show perceptive
understanding.
Clear links made between
the challenge and the
student’s understanding at
the end of each paragraph.
Answer planned and wellstructured. Student has
clear sense of direction.
Justice isn’t always black and white. Sometimes there are grey areas where
other conflicts such as love and loyalty come through. In Montana 1948 by
Larry Watson Wes, who is the county sherriff, has to decide whether or not
to prosecute his elder brother who is the “town’s hero” and is favoured above
Wes by their father, Julian Hayden. The decision Wes makes impacts upon
his family in both the short term and the long term.
Julian Hayden is the most powerful man in Montana. When Julian
commands Wes to leave his dream job as a lawyer to follow in his footsteps
and become Montana’s sherriff, Wes does this without complaint. Wes’s
biggest challenge in arresting Frank is going against Julian who would never
let anything happen to his “beloved son”. When Julian tells Wes that being
Montana’s sherriff means “knowing when to look and when to turn away” it
helped me to understand how much power and influence Julian has and how
much courage it would take to go against him.
The short term effects of Wes’s decision to arrest Frank are disasterous.
Frank commits suicide as he can’t bear to have his perfect name tarnished
and shortly after Wes, his wife and son leave town because Frank’s death is
“a unbridgeable gulf” between Julian and Wes. Wes leaves his job as
Montana’s sherfiff ending the Hayden family run in that position and loosing
much of the Hayden name’s power. Wes knew there were going to be
consequences when he first made the decision to arrest Frank, but he could
not have known how severe they would be. The fact that Wes followed the
path of justice which went against everything he had been bought up with
helped me understand that there is no hiding from your wrongs, no matter
who you are.
The long term effects of Wes’s decision to arrest Frank include Wes’s
emotional struggle. We know of this because it is he who tells this story, but
not until 40 years later. Wes’s only contact with the rest of his family is the
occasional letter from his mother, Julian and Frank’s widow never speak to
him again. Wes did the right thing by arresting Frank even though he knew it
would drive his family apart and this made me understand that even if you do
right, you can still end u with “the shitty end of the stick!”
Wes faced a great moral drama when trying to choose between being loyal to
family or justice, but once his decision was made he stood for “moral
absolutism”. Author Isaac Asimov once wrote,
“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what’s right.” Wes
faced a great challenge and the decision he made had disasterous
consequences, but Wes made me understand that you can’t hide behind a
powerful name and every decision you make has a concequence, but always
do the right thing by yourself.
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 3
Achieved with excellence
Describe an situation or event in the text that shocked or surprised you.
Explain how this situation or event helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Austen
Strong introduction.
Inclusion of adjectives to
describe Mr Collins makes
student’s views clear. Idea
and event are clearly
introduced.
Gives background to
situation.
Makes links to wider
society of the time.
Fluent writing
•
wide vocabulary
•
varied syntax
•
quotations
interwoven
Perceptive comments made
about the reasons for
Charlotte’s decision and
about the differing
circumstances for women.
Charlotte Lucas in the novel “Pride and Prejudice” suprises the reader by her
decision to marry the stupid, obsequious Mr Collins. This helps to
understand the social climate of the early 1800’s, where marriage was “the
only honourable provision for young women of small fortune.” The
unfortunate situation of women like Charlotte who had to marry to avoid a
life of dependence on her younger brother was a new concept to me which I
only understood as a result of Charlotte’s marriage.
Charlotte is the sensible twenty-seven year old daughter of Sir William
Lucas who after his elevation to knighthood grew a disgust for his former
occupation in trade, moved his large family to new lodgings and devouted his
time to “being civil to all the world.” However, Sir William is not sufficantly
rich to provide for his many children after his death. This puts Charlotte in
the situation that she must marry prudently to have any financial stability in
later life. Thus, she makes herself a desirable partner to the riddiculous Mr
Collins who she does not love or respect.
Charlotte’s situation was not an uncommon one, and although her marriage
to Mr Collins would likely be censured as “gold digging” in her time the idea
of marriage for purely material benefits was widely accepted. Charlotte
herself makes not pretensions of love saying “I’m not romantic you know, I
never was. I ask only a comfortable home.” This shows us that Charlotte is
marrying Mr Collin’s only for her financial wellfare. This idea was a
universel one in Austen’s time, as women had no other way of gaining
money, as employment was restricted from them, but it is surprising to the
modern reader.
Despite the lack of love in the match the marriage is celebrated by her family,
especially by her brothers who are “relieved of apprehensions of Charlotte’s
dying an old maid” (and therefore having to be supported). Charlotte herself
looks upon her marriage with some satisfaction saying “considering his
character connections and situation in life, I believe my chance of happiness
with him is as fair as most people can boast upon entering the marriage
state.” This quote shows that for women of this era love was only a luxury,
not usually relevent to marriage. Charlotte’s situation, and choice to marry
Mr Collins helped me understand that marriage for these women was a
method of gaining financial security and love was merely a luxury that a
marriage could be successfull without.
Charlotte in the novel “Pride and Prejudice” was in the situation of having to
marry for money. This suprised me as such a situation could not exist in our
modern society, but even more suprising was her choice to marry a man such
as the obsequious Mr Collins, open eyed and sensible of her prospects of a
life with him. However, Charlotte’s marriage helped me understand that for
women of the early 19th century, marriage was their “only provision” and
love had to be second priority, deemed an irrelevant luxury.
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 4
Achieved with merit
Describe an challenge faced by a character in the text.
Explain how the challenge helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Lord of the Flies
William Golding
Introduction identifies:
• challenge
• idea
• techniques used to
convey idea
References to text
carefully selected and
linked to idea of challenge.
Student’s engagement
with text shown through
awareness of Golding’s
purpose.
Body paragraphs all
conclude with reference
to Golding’s ideas but
these lack the perceptive
understanding needed for
excellence.
Student’s sound knowledge
of text and requirements of
question revealed through
a well-planned structured
answer.
In The Lord of the Flies author William Golding uses the character of Ralph
and the challenge he faces, in getting the boys to listen to him, to portray his
thoughts on the fact that we are not ever indefinatly bound by the laws and
rules imposed on us by society. Throughout the book Golding portrays this
idea through the words, actions, and reactions, as Ralph veinly tries to hold
his tribe in the grips of civilisation.
The first sign that it is to be a challenge for Ralph to hold control over his
tribe, arises when a search party passes by the island and does not notice the
boys as the fire has gone out. When Ralph confronts his tribe about this he is
horrified to learn they have disobeyed his instructions and left the fire to hunt
pigs. “I was talking about smoke! Don’t you want to be rescued? All you
can talk about is pig pig pig!” In this situation Golding has used boys
neglegence of the fire to show how we are not indefinatly bound by the laws
of society, and can do what we, ourselves want to do.
The second and portrayall of Goldings idea is immediatly after the fire
catastrophe, from first paragraph, as Ralph tries to hold power over his camp.
He quickly calls a meeting and tries to strengthen his power over his tribe.
He eventually pronounces ther will be “meetings twice a day … everyday”,
this of course does not last as the tribe of boys once again do not follow these
orders either. This situation also portrays Goldings ideas that we are not
indefinately bound by the laws of society, as the boys don’t follow the rules,
we do not have to follow the rules.
Ralphs single claim to power is that he found the conch shell. In the
beginning of the story his power from the conch is respected but towards the
end it is ignored. The challenge faced by Ralph here is that his tribe no
longer respect the conch and Ralph is trying to control them with no claim to
power. “what if I blow it … and they don’t come back …” This incident
shows how if authority has no claim to power, i.e. the conch shell, then there
is no reason to respect them. This is another way that Golding has portrayed
his idea.
To conclude, Golding believes that we are not indefinatley bound by the laws
and rules that society has imposed on us and we are free minded.
Throughout the book he has shown this by the challenge faced by Ralph
when trying to hold his tribe together.
Next Steps
The student could
• go beyond the text. Where do we see evidence of Golding’s ideas in our society?
• try to make more specific comments at the ends of each of the paragraphs in the body.
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 5
Achieved with merit
Describe a memorable setting in the text.
Explain how this setting helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Of Mice and Men
John Steinbeck
Introduction clearly
identifies setting and key
idea.
Physical setting described
and linked to the idea of
loneliness.
Time period described and
linked to idea of loneliness.
Idea of loneliness
explained and supported
with references to the main
characters.
Ideas developed and well
supported but lack the
perceptive understanding
needed for excellence –
unclear exactly what the
student learned about
loneliness.
It is the purpose of this essay to describe a memorable setting in the novel
“Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck and explain how it helped me
understand an idea in the text. The memorable setting in this text is the ranch
in California during the 1930s where the main protagonists, George Milton
and Lennie Small, worked during this novel. The idea that it helped me to
understand is loneliness, the dominant theme in this novel. The following
essay will discuss this setting in detail and explain how it helped me to
understand the idea of loneliness.
A memorable setting in the novel “Of Mice and Men” was the ranch where
George and Lennie worked. The ranch in California, America, was isolated
from the nearest town of Soledad, which ironically means “loneliness”. This
isolation of the ranch was exemplified when, in the first section of the text,
George became exasperated at the bus driver who dropped them off in
Soledad, saying that the ranch was “Jes’ a little stretch down the highway”
when it turned out to be a lot longer. The solitude of the ranch is confirmed
when it was the only location in the novel. The characters were described as
having gone “into town” but the plot is never set there.
The time period in which this novel was set is also important. Although it
was not directly mentioned, the Great Depression of the 1930s was full of
hardships, financially and socially. Many men, including George and
Lennie, and most of the characters in the novel, had to travel around as
itinerant workers, trying to get enough “jack” to build the foundations for the
American dream. Because they did not stay at each ranch for a long period
of time, they could not bond with any other men because they would just
have to leave again. Therefore, people became lonely and emotionally
isolated from others.
The setting in “Of Mice and Men” of the Californian ranch in the 1930s,
helped me to understand the idea of loneliness. This idea is important is the
novel when most of the characters that Steinbeck has developed gave some
indication of the loneliness and isolation they felt. For George and Lennie,
their relationship was built on the fear of being alone. Lennie, a cumbersome
man who had the mind of a child, looked to George for guidance, and George
had Lennie for company. Their relationship was special because they had
companionship in their lives, unlike most other people at the ranch and in the
1930s.
George often said, “We’ve got a future, we got somebody to talk to who
gives a damn about us.” They would travel around together to earn money to
own their own farm with crops and animals, and to ultimately have
independance and control over their lives. Candy, the old “swamper” at the
ranch, had companionship in his life too until one day he had to make the
decision to have his dog shot. This was a prophetic scene, given the choice
that George had to make in the climax of the novel to shoot his only friend
Lennie. After this, they realised that such paradises of freedom, contentment
and safety are not to be found in this world. The setting helped one to
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understand this idea of loneliness which was equivalent to the loneliness that
the characters felt.
In conclusion, “Of Mice and Men” the setting of the ranch in California,
America, in the 1930s helped me to understand the idea of loneliness. This
theme has been woven throughout the setting, relationships and character, of
which we have seen examples. The setting in “Of Mice and Men” is an
important aspect of the text.
Next Steps
The student could
• pay more attention to the word ‘memorable’ in the question.
• explain more clearly what he/she learnt about loneliness – the ‘idea of loneliness’ is
rather vague
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 6
Achieved with merit
Describe an important change in the text.
Explain how this change helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
The Whole of the Moon
Duncan Stuart
In the novel “The Whole Of The Moon”, by Duncan Stuart, an important
change
to Kirk, a main character, was getting cancer. It was important
Introduction identifies main
because it showed what would happen if you got cancer, and it also identified
character and the change
the theme. As well as that, it gave the reader a close look of Marty and
and attempts to identify
reveal who she really is.
idea[s].
This change is important because it show what would happen when you
get cancer. Kirk was determined and “Captain Sensible” before he got
cancer. He went to the gym every day to train for the regional speed-skating
Change to Kirk clearly
final, which he won. But after he got cancer, he became a “drag”. His
described and evaluated
appearance change completely, “my hair feels oily, my face is erupting, my
Convincing explanation of
pyjamas looked worn and pathetic, and my breath stinks.” His attitude also
what it is like to get cancer
changed, he became depressed because of chemotherapy, and had to go
[first idea].
through a lot of discomfort which he could not ever imagine. “My back
aches and the pain in my throat moves up the the roof of my mouth …” This
gave me ideas of how it would feel for Kirk, and I was able to feel his pain.
This change was also important because it identified the theme of
Explains the link between the friendship can change, and cancer can put a huge strain on it. After Kirk got
change to Kirk and theme of
cancer, his chemotherapy made him unable to control his mood, and he said
friendship
“I don’t know why you even come here, you and your lies.” to Tory, his
[second idea].
girlfriend when she visited him. He did not want to hurt her, but he could not
control it. Tory could not handle Kirk being sick with cancer and broke up
with. Ronnie, Kirk’s best friend, also drifted apart with Kirk because they
did not “hang out” any more as Kirk was always in hospital. This gave me a
close up of the theme, and I was able to understand it it more.
Finally, it was important because it gave us a close up of Marty and
reveal who she really is. Before Kirk entered the hospital, no one understand
Marty, and no one cared about her either. But because of this change, Kirk
Third idea not clearly
got to know Marty and slowly reveal her past. We get to know that Marty
explained. Focuses more on
character. However, enough was a street child who had no parent. She lost her best friend, Tuck, when
convincing explanation earlier her other “mates” raped and beaten her to death. From Kirk, we also get to
in the answer for merit.
understand the reason behind the roll call, which everyone hates, was to
remind others that they have to keep fighting, and if they give up, they will
die. This gave us a close up look of Marty, and I was able to understand
Kirk’s feeling towards her.
In conclusion, the important change in “The Whole of the Moon”, by
Duncan Stuart, was Kirk getting cancer. It gave one ideas of how it would be
like to have cancer, and identified the theme which help me to understand it
more. It also gave me a close up look of Marty, another main character,
which enabled me to understand Kirk’s feelings.
Next Steps
The student could
• look at the second last paragraph and consider if it adds to the answer. How does it relate
to the change in Kirk?
• look at the last sentences in each of the body paragraphs. How could they be re-worded
to give a clearer personal response?
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 7
Achieved
Describe an important change that happened in the text.
Explain how this change helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Cross Tides
Lorraine Orman
Simple introduction
identifies change.
In the novel Cross Tides written by Lorraine Orman an important change was
when Lizzie fell in love with Matthew.
Change is explained with
some evaluation of its
importance.
This change is important because before it happened Lizzie was married to
Jack Dawson. Lizzie was unhappy until she met Matthew. “If love is
thinking you own a person body and soul then aye, he loves me.” Is how
Lizzie felt about her and Jacks marriage and how she portrayed Jacks love for
her. “Love is wanting someone to be happy, love is caring about someone.”
Is what Matthew told her and it’s how they both felt towards each other.
This is important because its when Lizzie changed and fell in love with
Matthew. This change helped Lizzie become more happy.
Ideas are supported with
relevant quotations and
references to events in the
text.
This change of Lizzie falling in love and being happy was also shown when
Matthew died. “I love him!” “I love him more than life itself!” she admitted
to Jack. She was willing to risk her marriage and life to say how she truly
felt.
Last paragraph answers
second part of the question.
Response very borderline
for sufficiency.
This important change helped me understand the idea that being married may
not bring Happiness but being in love can. We can also relate this idea to
society today because there are still many places around the world, where
they are forced into arranged marriages just like Lizzie. This changed help
me understand the idea that love and marriage are two different things.
Next Steps
The student could
• use a highlighter to highlight where they answer the second part of the question. Does
this show that the answer is balanced in addressing both parts of the question?
• develop the personal response. Which particular sections of the novel made them realize
that marriage may not bring happiness? Explain more clearly what is meant by the last
sentence. Did they think that Orman was suggesting that love is the most important
thing? That arranged marriages are wrong?
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 8
Achieved
Describe a situation or event in the text that shocked or surprised you.
Explain how this situation or event helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
State Ward
Alan Duff
Introduction identifies:
• event
• two ideas
Second paragraph
attempts to describe event
but includes too much
irrelevant plot summary.
Third paragraph focuses
on second part of question
[idea of the importance of
friendship].
Fourth paragraph focuses
on the second idea
[society’s treatment of
those with lower status].
Simple
conclusion.
Both ideas
are supported
by reference to events in
the text
In the novel “State Ward” by Alan Duff a surprising event was when
Charlie and George run away (escape) from Riverton Boys home. This
helped me understand the idea that friendship is the most important thing also
how society under estimates individuals from a lower social status
The novel set at Riverton Boys Home which is a place where wards of
the state are sent. The main character is Charlie who has been sent to the
home for assulting a teacher. This particular event takes place when Charlie
has been in the home for about eight months, Charlie is with his best friend
George. The two meet at the boys home which George had been sent to for
rape, which he did not commit. George does not speak english well so when
he was at the court he could not defend himself. He also has a curse place on
his family because his grandfather stole wood that was supossed to be used to
build a marei and built a house with it. As a result of the curse George has
these dreams where a warrior ghost tells him to run away so he does and gets
caught every time. The two boys are on the tramp and George asks Charlie
to run away with him. After a descussion Charlie accepts and they formulate
a plan, with the end result to burn down Georges grandfathers house (stop the
curse) and get George aquitted of rape.
The event shows that friendship is the most important thing. Charlie has
just come off the punishment squad and things are looking up, he still accepts
the proposal and runs away. He doesn’t do this to get out of the home, he
does it because his best friend asked him to. Just after Charlie agrees to help
George escape he states “pleased to be with George his mate; his best mate.
This shows that even tho he knows how bad the consequences will be his
friendship with George is more important.
Another idea presented through this event is how society under estimates
people with lower social status. This is shown in the house masters approach
towards the state wards. There is little security around the home because
they assume that the state wards are not smart enough to escape and that if
they do they wont last long before they get caught. Charlie is an exception to
this and we find this out when they test Charlies I.Q. and find that it is
surprisingly high. Charlie is also “one of only two boys to attend Riverton
Boys school from the home”. These points showing how society can
underestimate people from lower social statuses.
The novel “State Ward” by Alan Duff has used the event where George and
Charlie run away from the boys home to portray the idea that friendship is
the most important thing. Also how society can underestimate people that
come from a lower social status.
Next Steps
The student could
• rewrite the second paragraph so that it describes just the key event.
• explain why he/she was shocked or surprised by the event.
• pay more attention to the keyword ‘you’ in the answer. How did the student’s view of
friendship and society’s treatment of those with lower status change?
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Exemplar 9
Achieved
Describe an important conflict in the text.
Explain how this conflict helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Romeo and Juliet
William Shakespeare
Structured answer;
• beginning
• middle
•
end
Three paragraph body:
• first describes
conflict
• second explains
one effect
• third explains
second effect
Ideas supported by
references to events in the
text.
Ideas in paragraphs 3 and
4 not developed
convincingly to answer
second part of the question
[needed for merit].
In the drama script Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare, an important
conflict in the text is Act 3 scene 1, the climax of the text, where Romeo
fights and kills Tybalt. This shows the idea of the effect anger can have, and
that even when everything seems to be going well, it can go horribly wrong.
In Act 3, Scene 1, the two houses (Montague and Capulet) meet in the streets
of Verona. Tybalt, a Capulet, wishes to fight with Romeo, after the insult of
him attending the Capulet party. Romeo refuses to fight, as he has just
married Juliet, Tybalts cousin, so Tybalt insults him “Thou art a villain”.
Romeo’s friend Mercatio then gets involved, and fights and is killed by
Tybalt. Romeo, blinded with anger fights and kills Tybalt and is banished
from Verona.
This conflict shows the effect anger can have on a person, to the extent of
driving them to kill someone. This is shown in the text by Romeo refusing to
fight Tybalt, then when Mercutio is killed, Romeo seeking out Tybalt, and to
extract revenge.
This conflict also shows that even when something is going perfectly, they
can still be driven to such rage that they kill someone. In the text, Romeo
had just married Juliet, when he kills her cousin, and is banished from the
city, proving this point.
In conclusion, an important conflict in the text is the fight between Romeo
and Tybalt, which shows the affect of anger on someone, and that everything
can go wrong in an instant.
Next Steps
The student could
• expand the last sentence in paragraphs 3 and 4 to show more clearly the effect this conflict
had on Romeo.
• add to the end of these same paragraphs explaining what they personally learnt. Can they
make links to events in their own lives, or modern times that show similar consequences?
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A.S 90054
Exemplar 10
Not achieved
Describe an important conflict in the text.
Explain how this conflict helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in the text.
Because We Were the Travellers
Jack Lasenby
Appropriate introduction
gives a brief background to
the novel and identifies the
conflict.
Because We Were the Travellers, by Jack Lazenby is a novel that explors the
Journeys of a fit young boy, and a feebal old woman, who are forced
together, to continue the journey of the travellers, through a postappocalyptic New Zealand. An important conflict explored in this text, is the
one between Ish and Hagar, the two characters refered to above.
Second paragraph explains
the conflict and attempts to
identify an idea.
This conflict started when Ish and Hagar were forced together, because of
certian deaths within the tribe. Ish was a young energetic boy, with a short
temper. Where as Hagar was a tired old woman who had seen a lot of events,
and learnt a lot of skills. So a conflict between characters formed, because of
their differences and unique personalities. The conflict helps the reader
understand the relationship between the characters.
Further explanation of the
conflict but points become
unclear and too plot focused.
Second part of question is
not adequately addressed.
Ish and Hagars relationships is a purly symbiotic relationship, where Ish is
the body, and Hagar the mind. The characters do not realize this because of
their differences. So as they grow older they put their differences behind
them and work together to survive.
“Wheres your bad temper now “Hagar spat”. Ish loses his temper and
therefore is able to presue his hunter, gatherer tallents, in the male attitude.
Hagar isn’t as tired because she has the will to live, to teach Ish all she has
learnt in order for the Travellers to continue their Journey.
Ish and Hagars relationship becomes so strong and all the conflicts are
forgotten, that Ish goes against the travellers ways to remember Hagar and
preserve her life. “Useing long sticks, I daubed a womans life across the
roof”. “All Hagar taught and told me, I painted.” This shows that the
conflicts that were present were minor compared to the relationship that was
built afterwards.
Ish and Hagars conflicts are central to Because We Were the Travellers,
because it provdes a turning point for the story.
Next Steps
The student could
• be given a highlighter and instructed to highlight the sections that relate to the second part
of the question. Does that show evidence of a balanced answer?
• think about what the conflict between the two characters taught him/her.
• rewrite the last sentence of the second paragraph so that it clearly identifies an idea.
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21
A.S 90055
Exemplar 1
Achieved with excellence
Describe at least ONE interesting example of imagery used in EACH text.
Explain how EACH image helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
Latitudes and Big Brother Little Sister
Mario Petrucci and Witi Ihimaera
In “Latitudes”, a poem by Mario Petrucci, the author uses several examples
of effective imagery to add to our overall view and picture of the poem in our
head, as well as enhancing and helping us understand the idea that there is so
much unfairness in our world.
The effect of one
contrasting image in
first text fully explored.
Student’s engagement
with the text has led to
a new understanding.
Key image evaluated in a
range of ways.
Answer makes a number
of insightful comments
about the first text.
Second text and main idea
introduced.
“Latitudes” is a poem in which we are presented with six vignettes of life,
each telling the story of a different child around the world. The first five
stanzas present us with tragic and even heart breaking stories of children’s
misfortunate and bad luck, but it is the sixth stanza that really awakens our
social conscience. It depicts a soon to be mother in a “New York apartment”,
playing “music through a stethoscope to her unborn child.”
The contrast which this last stanza provides is shocking, and it leaves us
wondering why? Why does this child have its fate sealed, a good home,
education and so many things it will take for granted when other children
around the world are suffering? Then we realize, we are these children, we
are the privileged. This redefines unfairness for us, and provides the main
idea of how so much in your life is down to chance.
A particularly moving example of imagery that the author uses is found in a
stanza where we learn about a “fifteen-year old mother”, who has drowned
herself and her child in Galway Bay, Ireland, due to the lack of support for
her as a single mum. The words “bloated marble doll” explain the baby, and
this is a very effective example of imagery. Not only does it make us think
of the lifeless, cold, bloated child being “rocked” by the waves, but it also
reminds us what an expensive, priceless, infant, thing that little child is, just
like marble, and how sad it is that she has been wasted like that. The words
“rocked“ provide a certain sadness as well, as we know she should be rocked
in the arms of her mother, or in her cradle, but instead she is being rocked by
the gentle slap of the waves.
Because these examples of imagery provides sadness and thought on our
part, they help us better understand the idea of unfairness and chance. They
really help us to dig deeper into the meaning of the poem, and to understand
how unfortunate and unlucky it is for so many children around the world.
In “Big Brother, Little Sister”, a short story by Witi Ihimaera, the author uses
imagery to enhance our understanding of the main idea that he is trying to
communicate in this poem, that children are vulnerable and fragile, and really
need to be taken care of.
“Big Brother, Little Sister,” is the story of two children, Janey and Hema
who have faced violence in their home with a careless mother, and an
abusive “Uncle” Pera and thus run away. They travel the streets of
Wellington where violence follows them everywhere, and finally decide to
turn back to their dependant mother who might need them one day.
Answer integrates a
range of quotations from
across the text.
The author uses imagery to emphasise the vulnerability of Janey, the little
girl. As they travel the streets, we often hear Janey referred to as a bird. First
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22
she “pecks at (Hema’s) dreams”, then she is referred to as a little bird while
they start their journey, and she is also caught “like a bird in a cage” in the
middle of a road with traffic rushing around her. Those are just two of the
numerous times that Janey is made vulnerable by the imagery of the bird.
Insightful comments
show awareness of
writer’s purpose in
creation of one key
image.
Whenever we hear of a bird, we immediately think small, fragile and
vulnerable, and this is exactly the imagery and the idea that the author wished
to communicate about Janey. We understand Witi Ihimaera’s idea that
children need to be carefully cared for thanks to the use of the bird imagery,
and also the technique of turning everyday things into violent images, both in
the home. “Light stabbed past the door”, and on the street “Scarves trailed
like clotted blood” so that we can see how violence seems to be following the
children everywhere, and we can understand the necessity to look after and
treasure children.
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23
A.S 90055
Exemplar 2
Achieved with excellence
Describe a surprising event of moment in EACH text.
Explain how this event or moment helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
Under the Bridge and The Sniper
Dan Davin and Liam O’Flaherty
Introduction identifies
ideas in paired texts.
Surprising event in first
text briefly described.
The two short stories “Under the Bridge” by Dan Davin, and “The Sniper” by
Liam O’Flaherty, both describe surprising events. This events help readers to
understand the important ideas in the texts – that war is destructive and that
war brings a better understanding of human nature.
“Under the Bridge” is about a New Zealand soldier, based in a small village
in Crete, during the war. The Germans are bombarding the village, and the
soldier is watching the villagers gathered under a bridge for safety.
The surprising event in this text, happens at the climax of this story, when the
villagers gathered under the bridge for safety are killed by the blast from a
bomb.
This event helps readers to understand the idea that war brings a better
understanding of human nature. The soldier went to check on the villagers,
and realized that what was drawing him to the edge of the pit where the
villagers bodies lay, was not only genuine concern for the villagers welfare,
but it was a sick fascination with death and carnage.
“In sudden horror I realized what was dragging me to the edge. It was an
appetite for frightfulness and revulsion.” This realization was important, as
the soldier acknowledged that horror had an appeal to human beings, and that
humans are not perfect.
Full explanation of
understanding gained
shows mature thought
and insight.
Ideas amply supported with
details from the text.
This event also helps readers to understand the idea that war is destructive.
Innocent civilians are killed for the faults of others. War is not only
destructive because it causes death, but it is also destructive in the sense that
it takes away opportunities. War had taken precious time out of the soldiers
life, as he had been taken away from family and friends, only to be placed in
a foreign land watching people get murdered. “How long since I had seen
and felt rain, refreshing rain, from grey, unhurring homely skies, not this
lethal metallic rain.” The solder had an interest in one of the villagers
Angela, and he states “On the old leisurely standard, I would have had time
to fancy myself in love with Angela.” War had halted opportunities and all
the soldiers past preferences had to be forgotten.
“The Sniper” is about a man shooting down enemies in the Irish Civil War.
At the end of the story, he realizes that he has killed his own brother.
Brief description of
surprising event in second
text.
The suprizing event in this text, happens when the sniper turns over the body
of the man he has killed and sees he has killed his brother.
This event gets across the idea that war is destructive, as it had torn a family
apart because of differing viewpoints on the future of the Irish state, so that
two brothers were fighting one one with the same aim – to kill. War is
destructive to people as it forces them to kill, and changes them. The sniper
had killed so many people that he became desensitized to death. “He had the
eyes of a man who is used to looking at death”. Death no longer upset or
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24
Answer makes a
range of insightful
comments about the
effect of war.
affected him. In fact he became almost excited about it. “He had eaten
nothing all morning. He had been too excited to eat.”
Conclusion unifies
understandings gained
from both texts and
makes final evaluative
comment.
Both these suprising events that held the ideas, war is destructive and that
war brings about a better understanding of human nature, were important for
readers to understand. They were important because if readers understand
the horrors of war, then maybe they will be more pro-active in preventing it
in the future.
This text also gave readers a better understanding of human nature. The
sniper became so familiar with looking at death, that he became fanatical
about killing. “His eyes had the cold gleam of a fanatic.” War had
encouraged the snipers very human attraction with death and destruction.
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25
A.S 90055
Exemplar 3
Achieved with excellence
Describe a surprising event or moment in EACH text.
Explain how this event or moment helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
A Bottle Creek Blues and A Summer Time Blues for Tom
Weak introduction.
Surprising event in first
text described.
Paragraph answers
second part of
question for first text.
Response analyses
effects of language
features and shows
awareness of poet’s
purpose.
Fluent writing
interwoven with
quotations.
Similar structure
followed for second
text.
Evaluative comments
here [“…problems
are equally tough.”]
and elsewhere show
perception.
Conclusion sums up
understandings gained
from each text and links
these to events.
In the poems A bottle Creek Blues and A Summer Time Blues for Tom by Sam Hunt
there is a surprising event in each text. The events are surprising because they reveal
the main theme of the poem.
In A Bottle Creek Blues, the poet and his friend used to “row to an island … gather
cockles … warm them up and gorge” themselves. They used to do this without any
danger or taking and risks. However, a surprising event that changed this was when
the poet’s friend “near died form typhoid fever” because the cockles were polluted
with “shit … from down the coastline further.” As a result, “cockles from Cockle
Shell Island are banned.”
The surprising event in the poem demonstrate and helped me to understand the main
idea of the poem. It revealed that pollution is getting so bad it is starting to affect
people’s lives. This creates a mood of sadness because people are no longer able to
live freely in their environment. They cannot even go to the beach without any harm
because “barefeet on the beach is madness … the sun shines on broken glass.” It is
sad because the beach is usually a happy clean place but it is madness there now.
The environment is being polluted, it is getting so bad that even “the wind itself is
diesel”. The use of metaphor paints an image in the reader’s mind, making them
think that the air they breathe is murky and smelly. The poet is trying to appeal to
the readers to do something about it instead of thinking “the shit’s cleared clean
away with words.” The use of colloquial language shows the poet’s anger and
frustration because he cannot solve the problems.
In A Summertime Blues For Tom, the poet’s son Tom, is learning to walk but he is
not coping too well. The environment is not helping him. “The grass is spiked with
thorn. My child has learned to walk but he cannot cross the lawn.” The use of rhyme
emphasizes how the poem is about a child but it also raises an element of sadness as
it is not like a normal, happy nursery rhyme. A surprising event was when Tom
“stumbles and falls, hot tears down his cheeks. “The poet tried to comfort his son
but soon gave up as he felt his son needed to learn from his own mistakes.
The surprising event in the poem demonstrated and helped me to understand the
main idea of the poem. It revealed that even children have problems to deal with.
No matter where you are in life you will always have barriers and obstacles you will
need to overcome. Hunt tells his son “Tom, a young boy’s and he’s old man’s blues,
they are the same when sung.” This shows that both the poet and his son have
problems that are equally tough. The poet tried to comfort his son but gave up in the
end because “what the Hell, we’re born to die.” The use of colloquial language
shows the poet’s anger and fustration once again. This links with the first poem – the
poet is anger and fustrated that he cannot solve his son’s problems. Although it was
hard, he felt his son needed to deal with his own problems. This reveals the theme
that everybodies problems in life can only be solved by one’s self.
In A Bottle Creek Blues and A Summertime Blues For Tom there is a mood of
sadness or “blues” in each text. It is present in A Bottle Creek Blues through the
surprising event when the poet’s friend had a near death experience, therefore
helping me to understand that pollution is getting so bad it is affecting people’s lives.
It is present in A Summertime Blues For Tom when the poet did not try too hard in
comforting his son because if he did, his son would have problems dealing with
obstacles later on in life.
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26
A.S 90055
Exemplar 4
Achieved with merit
Describe a memorable place or scene in EACH text.
Explain how this place or scene helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
Return from Oz and Yellow Brick Road
Witi Ihimaera
In the short storys "Return from Oz" and "Yellow Brick Road" a memorable
scence was produced. This memorable scene was the bridge that you
approach just before you enter Wellington. This was memorable and
important because it helped you to signify the beginning and end of a
journey.
Clear description of first
scene supported with
detail.
Second scene described
and compared to first
scene.
In the short story "Yellow Brick Road" by Witi Ihimaera the family decided
to move to Wellington from up north in Waituhi. As they were on the
highway aproaching Wellington excitement filled the air surrounding them.
Fear struck the youngest child Matiu as he looked around him to see bright
lights ahead. "Its just like Emerald City" Matiu pronounced. He saw signs
around him saying "Turn right" "Stop" "Slippery road ahead" "Crossing"
"Bendy road". All these signs were signifying to the reader that the journey
was about to begin.
In the story "Return to Oz" by Witi Ihimaera its a more mature viewpoint.
From years on Matiu now a father married with a child of his own, reliving
that journey back to Waituhi. Matiu is taking his father back to the place he
called home. Matius father brought his family there to give them a better
future. They came with nothing and left with all that grandfather had wanted
except for his beloved wife who had just passed away. On the return back to
Waituhi for the unvailing of his wifes grave Grandfather became emotional
as the were passing the bridge he once crossed to bring happiness and that is
what he achived. Just as Matius car approached the bridge Grandfather asked
Matiu to pull over. Grandfather got out and looked back at what he was
leaving behind, signifying the end to a journey.
The scene in Yellow Brick Road help's the reader to understand the cultural
divercitys between living in a big city and a small country town. This scene
help's the reader to understand the changes the family had to make just to
make things happen in life. Matiu and his family came with nothing and left
with all the riches they could ask for.
Explains ideas of
change and challenge
found in the two texts.
In "Return to Oz" the scene when Matius dad gets out of the car and reflects
back on what he has acomplished is very emotional. This helps the reader
understand the challenges this family has had to face during there time in
Wellington. It helps Matiu and his son Christopher to understand the
importance the change had on Grandfathers life and that it is now time for
him to move on.
Next Steps
The student could
•
rewrite the introduction to give a clearer indication of the ideas to be explained.
•
explain more fully why the ideas were memorable for the reader.
•
give more specific details to back up the points made about “Yellow Brick Road”
in the second last paragraph.
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27
A.S 90055
Exemplar 5
Achieved with merit
Describe a person or character you admired OR disliked in EACH text.
Explain how this person or character helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
Sad Joke on a Marae and The Kumara Plant
Apirana Taylor
Opening paragraph:
• identifies texts
• introduces two
main characters
• identifies idea
Explanation makes
convincing links
between characters and
main ideas.
Structured body
paragraphs
• one text in each
paragraph
• explanation of
idea
• well supported
with quotations
and references
to texts
• conclude with
personal
response
Planned answer:
• beginning
• middle
• end
In the poem Sad Joke on a Marae by Apirana Taylor, a character called Tui
relizes that it is shamful to not know anything about your culture, and that
you need to have good roots cultually to be a good person. In the short story
the Kumara Plant the character Pomare relizes that even if you havn't had the
best child hood life you can still blossum into a good person. These two
characters I admire with great thoughts. They both helped me understand the
idea of how luky I am to know where I belong and who I am in life.
In Sad Joke on a Marae Tui relizes that it is ashameful to come to a sacred
Maori place and not know anything about your cultural background and
roots. "The teko teko ragged above me and ripped his tongue from his mouth
and threw it at my feet." After talking to a preist while in jail for his 12th
time, he hears stories about his culture, this makes him relize that things
Maoris have as tradional culture he has the equivalent to as a gang member
"My Marae is the Pub, jail is my home, my fist is my taiha (fighting spear)"
He relizes that you need to know your roots culturally. This helped me to
understand the idea that I shouldn't just ignore my culture and who I am and
to learn more about it, instead of just ignoring it which is what Tui relized to
and I admire him greatly for that.
In the short story "The Kumara Plant" the character Pomare thinks that
because he had a bad childhood "My parents use to beat me up and drink
alot" he was distined to be a gang member. He thought that since he hadn't
had a good life so far that he never would, and he also felt that he was lost
culturally and had no roots or background "I'm a brown skinned pakeha".
After being given a kumara to put in a dish of water for his jail cell he relized
his dream. "I don't know what the question is but I know the answer is the
kumara plant". He relized that he doesnt have to keep living life not knowing
who he is. This character helped me understand the idea that I know who I
am in life, and in order to become a better person I need to find and develop
my roots, in order to blossom like "a kumara plant".
Although these are two different pieces of writing they are both quite similar
in the way of theme and character. These 2 characters I admire greatly for
learning that they can turn their lives around by developing their roots and
becoming more aware of their culture, they can become a better person.
Next Steps
The student could
•
explain some ideas more fully e.g. What is meant by “… know your roots
culturally.”
•
expand the personal response by being more specific – “ I know who I am.”
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28
A.S 90055
Exemplar 6
Achieved with merit
Describe a person or character you admired OR disliked in EACH text.
Explain how this person or character helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
The Soldier and Dulce et Decorum est
Rupert Brook and Wilfred Owen
Key differences
between the two
soldiers and
poems described.
Two soldiers
described in more
detail. Points
supported with
relevant details.
The Narrators of these poems were both soldiers. These soldiers look at the
topic of war and patriotism, although they look at this topic from completly
different aspects. Brookes poem The Soldier” was written in the very
beginning of war. The soldier had not yet experienced the full gory of war.
He did not fully understand what he was writing about.
Owens poem Dulce et Decorum est was written later in the war. The soldier
talked about the death that was surrounding him. He wrote what he saw
rather than what he was brought up to believe.
Brooks soldier wrote as if he was going to die. He believed that dying for
your country was an honour and he wished to die no other way. “If I am to
die, think only this of me that theres a corner of some foriegn field that is
forever England.” He believed that his remains was a symbol of what
England was said to represent. “In that rich earth, a richer dust concealed.”
Owens soldier, who had seen the death of war face to face says. “The Old lie
Dulce et Decorum est pro patria mori” which means “The old lie. It is sweet
and becoming to die for ones country.” He calls it the old lie because he
understands that the death involved with war was anything but sweet and
becoming.
Personal response to
each character gives
convincing reasons for
different attitudes.
I dislike Brookes character as he writes only to portray himself as noble. He
portrays war as a happy place using words like “gentlness/peace/flowers to
love.” I do not believe what he writes. I admire Owens character as he
writes only to warn people not to believe these patriotic lies. He writes to
show people what war is really about rather than to showcase himself as a
hero. The character helped show me the idea that dying for your country was
not a privilage, by writing about a real death that he had experienced, “as
under a green sea, I saw him drowning.” It helped me to see that the death
involved in war was not noble and did not make you a hero. It was just
death.
Next Steps
The student could
•
try to identify some of the language features used that influenced the reader e.g
metaphor.
•
include more quotations from the poems to support ideas.
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29
A.S 90055
Exemplar 7
Achieved
Describe at least ONE interesting example of imagery used in EACH text.
Explain how EACH image helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
Rain and Papa-tu-a-nuku
Hone Tuwhare
Introduction clearly
identifies idea and
poems.
Descibes one image
from each text.
Throughout Hone Tuwhares poems he portrays the idea that he has a very
close relationship between himself and nature. Examples of this idea can be
found in such poems as Rain and Papa-tu-a-nuku. Tuwhares use of
interesting imagery in these poems help us understand this idea that is clearly
very close to Tuwhares heart.
A very interesting image that Tuwhare has made is found in the poem Rain.
When Tuwhare states to the Rain that “you would still define me dispearse
me wash over me rain”, you are given a clear image of the Rain somehow
sensually washing over Tuwhare, or the narrator, and making them clean or
whole again.
Another example of Tuwhares interesting images that relate him to nature, is
how in his poem Papa-tu-a-nuku, he makes the statement “We are stroking
caressing the spine of the land.” This gives the reader an image of the
narrator somehow being in a sensual, even sexual, relationship with the land.
Understanding of
images is linked to
chosen idea. However,
ideas need further
explanation for merit.
Rather repetitive.
These two examples are very similary, in that in both images the narrator is
very closely related to nature. He, or she, is in a very sensual, even sexual,
relationship with the nature. Papa-tu-a-nuku “hell she loves it”. This is very
typical of Tuwhare and it is how he portrays, and we understand his close
relationship with the land. It is his ideas that the land is alive and that we are
connected with it that he is portraying through these two, and many other,
pieces of poetry.
To conclude, Tuwhare believes very strongly that we are somehow connected
and related to nature. He show this in many of his poems, by having the
narrator be in a sensual, even sexual, relationship with nature, or natural
things.
Next Steps
The student could
•
explain clearly what the reader found ‘interesting’ about these images. Was it
because it gave them a different insight into nature? Or the use of pronouns suggests
that Tuwhare is writing about himself?
•
explain more fully the phrase ‘ sensual even sexual relationship.’ At the moment it
sounds like a learnt phrase used with little understanding or personal conviction.
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30
A.S 90055
Exemplar 8
Achieved
Describe a person or character you admired OR disliked in EACH text.
Explain how this person or character helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
I am very bothered and I’ve Written out a Will
Simon Armitage
Main idea [love]
identified.
Body paragraphs give:
• description of
characters
• supporting
details
• attitude of
writer to
characters
Second part of answer
not developed
convincingly [required
for merit]
Simon Armitage born in 1963, was brought up in West Yorkshire. The main
characters in the poems, "I am very bothered ..." and I've written out a will,"
portray a different form of idea of love. Both written in sonnets, these texts
were written for the reader to interprat them how ever they wish.
The man in "I am very bothered ..." speaks in present tense in rememberance
of an event in his past. After, playing the hands of some scissors into "the
naked lilac flame" of a bunsen burner, in the science lab, he hands them over
to a girl he had a crush on. The thumb and middle finger of this girl were
branded for "enternity." This act seems slightly unconventional in romance
and rather sinister of a boy of thirteen. The idea of marriage is also portrayed
through words like "rings" and "eternity". Though this act was driven by the
adolescent love of thirteen year old boy, as a man, he still shows no sign of
apology. This poem expresses love in a different manner that leaves me
disliking the character through the lack of sympathy and compassion he
shows for this girl.
"I have written out a will" is about a man's wishes of what will become of his
body after death. Using food metaphors such as , "jellies and tubes and
syrups and glues". to describe parts of his body, sets an unserious tone to the
poem. It is decided that he is to leave his entire body, excluding his heart, to
the National Health Services. This emphasises the cliche of the heart
symbolising love, which leads me to believe that to this man, love was most
important. I find this to be an inspiring act as he refuses to give up his heart,
"not the pendulum, the ticker they can leave that where is hangs or stops,"
This man valued his heart above all else, but why? This man's tale leads me
to the conclusion of believing our passions and beliefs throughout life is what
makes us decide what body part we value the most.
In conclusions the main characters in "I am very bothered" and "I've made
out a will", both showed different ideas of love which lead me to dislike and
like them for different reasons. Simon Armitage really can make "the
ordinary extrodinary", shown through these simple but thought provoking
poems.
Next Steps
The student could
• explain more clearly what is meant by “ different forms/ideas of love.”
• make sure that all ideas are clearly explained e.g. the last sentence in the second
last paragraph.
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31
A.S 90055
Exemplar 9
Achieved
Describe an important change that happened in EACH text.
Explain how this change helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
My Leanne and The Hills
Patricia Grace
Introduction identifies
character and nature
of change in first text.
Change described and
supported with detail.
Second part of question
addressed.
Change in second text
described and linked to
idea of police
insensitivity.
An important change that occured in the short story My Leanne by Patricia
Grace was Deans views on Leanne and how they changed or jealousy took a
grip on Deans life and livelihood.
Dean was incredibly in love with Leanne described as "beautiful, with big
black eyes and a big smile", by Dean. Another quote that illustrates this is "I
just want to hold her, love her, kiss her, get down with her," again said by
Dean. This love was flourishing until Leannes good friend Rexie walked
home with her one day. Dean seeing this whilst on the bus, became
immediatly jealous and became short and unrulely with Leanne. This is the
change that occurred in Dean as Leannes attension was to be challenged for.
And eventually Leanne was hit by a car twice and was in intensive care.
Dean overwhelmed with grief, jealousy and anger committed suicide.
This change illustrates the idea that you need to keep your life balanced.
Dean focused too much of his attension on one aspect of his life and put "all
his eggs in one basket," if you will. Dean became to focused on one aspect
of his life and as soon as this aspect of his life was in jeapardy, being Leanne,
he came wildly phycottic.
An important change in the short story The Hills again by Patricia Grace is
illustrated by the main character (name not given). The change is in the main
characters views on life, which are reflected in his views of the hills which he
enjoyed looking at. His views changed after being crevace searched by a
Police officer. The main character at the time didn't know what was going on
and thought he was being raped. But later found out he had been searched
for drugs. The main character after the incident felt violated and alone. The
main character was a young maori boy around the age of 17 and this change
illustrated in the story brings up the idea that some police may be insensitive
of what they are doing. In this instance it has completely change his outlook
upon life quoting, "I wondered if I would ever look at them the same again,"
this being said by the main character and reffering to his view on the hills.
The changes in each text by Patricia Grace helped me understand an idea alot
more clearly and I believe these changes illustrate the idea in these texts well.
Next Steps
The student could
•
explain how the “hills” links with the character’s view of life.
•
give a fuller explanation of the idea in the second text.
•
name the specific ideas in the conclusion.
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A.S 90055
Exemplar 10
Not achieved
Describe at least ONE unusual language feature in EACH text.
Explain how this feature helped you understand an idea [or ideas] in EACH text.
19 and Night Raid
Paul Hardcastle and Desmond Hawkins
Muddled introduction –
language features not
identified.
Paragraph identifies
language techniques
[chorus and TV report]
Gives some explanation
of idea.
Paragraph fails to
identify language
features and explain
idea.
In the Poem "19" by Paul Hardcastle their are three unusual language features
such as in 1965 when soldiers were fighting in the Vietnam war the average
soldier was 26 years old, but their were a few only at the age of 19. This
helps me understand how he has wasted his life and was. This is shown in
the song by men singing the average soldier was 26 but in this war he was 19.
Another unusual language feature is the chorus of the song and poem, there
are girls singing "19 in a machine gun fire voice like "NiNiNiNiNi nineteen
and also DeDeDeDeDe destruction and WaWaWaWa war. This gives us a
war image of what it was like to be. The last language feature in "19" is a TV
reporter of the local news saying the soldiers coming back from the Vietnam
War were mentally desorted they turned into criminals because of what they
saw in the war. They wasted their lives, they will never be the same again.
This also ruined familys and marriages. This helped me understand this idea
because it has shown me the other side of war, it’s a waste of life.
Two unusual language features in the poem Night Raid by Desmond
Hawkins is there are a few dancing girls and a few men in a bar after their
town got attacked and destroyed. That night a man looks out of the bar
window and shouts "the bees are coming in from the east". What this means
is that he mean the planes are coming in from the east. Bees sound like
planes flying in the sky. This helped me understand this idea because he
gives us a different way of talking about planes.
The second language feature is a dancing girl talks mutterly and mutters "I
dont mind life but if I could have it again I would". This helped me
understand the feature because she doesnt really like her life with all the war
and fighting. She would like to live in peace.
Next Step
The student could
•
rewrite the introduction.
The student would benefit from reading other
introductory paragraphs.
•
use an acronym such as SEC [statement, explanation/evidence, comment] to
structure the body paragraphs.
•
make clearer links between the language features and their effects on the audience.
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A.S 90056
Exemplar 1
Achieved with Excellence
Describe an interesting idea presented in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you understand this idea.
Finding Neverland
Marc Foster
Introduction:
• clearly identifies
and describes idea
• identifies 3
features
• makes evaluative
comments e.g
“strongest theme”
Answer well planned and
structured.
Each body paragraph:
• focuses on one
technique
•
provides relevant
evidence from the
text
• links to the idea of
the power of the
imagination
Writer shows perceptive
understanding:
• selection of key
details to support
points
• comparisons
• symbolic
interpretations
•
range of evaluative
comments
throughout
Writing articulate and
fluent. Points clearly made
and show depth of thinking
In the film “Finding Neverland” directed by Marc Foster an interesting idea was the
power of imagination. It was the strongest theme in the film and can be described as
the moral of the story. It showed how you can transform the dull world of reality
into an exciting world of fantasy, just by using your imagination. It is also used as a
tool to remain childlike and to enjoy life with what you have. James M Barrie,
playwright of Peter Pan, was the character most strongly connected to this idea.
Visual and verbal features such as costume, music and cross-cutting help us to
understand the idea of imagination throughout the film.
The costuming used in “Finding Neverland” is one of the visual features in the film
that help us to understand the interesting idea. Because it showed the contrast
between what the characters were wearing in real, everyday life and how different
the costumes were when they were imagining. Their everyday clothes were very
boring, dull colours but when they went into imagination they were exotic and
vibrant designed with exquisite detail. For example in the scene when Sylvia
Llewelyn-Davies (Llewelyn-Davies boys’ Mother, James’s friend) is dying she is
taken into the fantasy world of “Neverland” (fantasy land in “Peter Pan”) through
James M Barrie and the Llewelyn-Davies imagination, the fairies, animals and
peoples costuming is beautiful, so colourful and uniquely designed. Symbolising the
happiness and surrealism imagination can bring. This scene shows although Sylvia
is dying she is going off to a better place and will be happy. The use of costuming in
this film helps us to understand when the characters are in the real world and when
they are imagining by the contrast of the two.
A verbal feature used in this film is music. It is used to create an atmosphere of
emotions. When we are in the real world in film or the characters are serious in a
scene there is often no music at all, or if there is it blends into the background, it is
not very exciting. For example when James M Barrie is talking to Syliva about his
brother’s death many years ago there is no music as it is a serious conversation but as
soon as he starts talking about “Neverland”, uplifting music comes on. When the
characters go into their imagination the music is very happy, exciting or peaceful and
tranquil. For example when Sylvia Llewelyn-Davies is dying the music is soft,
classical music symbolizing the peaceful not painful death of the Llewelyn-Davies
boys’ Mother. This verbal feature of music is important to the film to also show
contrast between what is real and what is not but also tells us how the characters are
feeling throughout the film.
Another visual feature in the film “Finding Neverland” is cross-cutting which is
when we flick from reality into fantasy in the same scene. This is used to show what
the characters are imagining is happening and what is really happening. For example
when James M Barrie is in the park putting on a “show” for the Llewelyn-Davies
family we start by seeing him dancing with his dog, Porthos which is reality then we
quickly flick on to James dancing with a bear in a circus surrounded by clowns
which is obviously his imagination. As the scene goes on the imaginative scenes get
longer and more vivid. This feature helps us to understand the idea of imagination
by the imaginative scenes becoming more complexed and longer showing the
limitness of imagination. Again, it also shows the contrast.
In conclusion, the use of visual and verbal features such as outstanding costuming,
with various colours and designs, the use of music sending out emotions and crosscutting scene we can understand the idea of imagination.
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A.S 90056
Exemplar 2
Achieved with Excellence
Describe an important conflict between characters in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you understand why this conflict
was important.
Rebel without a Cause
Nicholas Ray
Conflict clearly identified.
Conflict described and
supported with relevant
details [dialogue] from the
text.
Importance of conflict is
explained [shows its effect
on Jim.] and supported by
reference to visual features
[POV shot, high angle
shot].
Perceptive understanding
shown here and elsewhere.
Answer well planned and
structured.
Sound knowledge of text
shown through selection of
relevant details.
Strong conclusion sums up
main points of answer.
Teenagers did not really exist as a recognised stage of development until the 1950s.
This all changed with Nicholas Ray’s 1955 film, “Rebel Without a Cause”. This
film portrayed teenagers in conflict with inadequate parents. It is the intention of this
essay to describe the important conflict that existed between the characters of the
protagonist, Jim Stark and his father, Mr Stark. I will explain how the verbal and
visual features in the film helped me understand why the father, son conflict was
important.
The film began with an intoxicated Jim being taken into the police station. Jim drank
to rebel. When Jim’s parents came to pick Jim up I understood why Jim was
rebelling. Whenever Mr Stark would say something Mrs Stark would say something
different and Mr Stark, fearing her wrath, would correct himself. The verbal features
of the dialogue between Jim’s parents showed how weak Mr Stark was and that Jim
was rebelling because of this. This is further enforced with the verbal feature of
Jim’s quote to a police officer, “They’re tearing me apart.” This verbal feature
shows the reason for Jim’s rebellion, the weakness of Jim’s father and his
domineering mother. This is why Jim’s conflict with his father, which came in the
form of rebellion, was important, because his father was weak.
Jim hated being called “chicken”. Whenever somebody called Jim “chicken” he
thought of his father and would do anything to prove himself and to disassociate
himself from his father. When the antagonist, Buzz, called Jim a chicken Jim fought
him to prove himself. After the fight Jim went home seeking advice from his father
but instead verbal and visual features show exactly how “chicken” Mr Stark was. A
shot from Jim’s point of view showed Mr Stark on the ground wearing a frilly yellow
apron, picking up Mrs Stark’s meal that he had dropped. Jim told Mr Stark to “Let
her see it”. But Mr Stark refuses, once again fearing his wife. The visual features of
the high angle shot and the image of Mr Stark along with the verbal features of the
dialogue work to justify the reason for Jim’s conflict with his father. Mr Stark was
weak therefore it was important for Jim to rebel through fighting and to continue the
conflict with his father.
The conflict was not resolved until the end of the film. Jim heroically tried to save
his best friend, Plato’s life but Plato was shot. As Plato was wearing Jim’s jacket at
the time, Mr Stark, an on looker, fears the worse. When he found out that Jim was
alright his relief at his son’s safety along with his pride because of his son’s heroism
inspired him to stop being weak and therefore end the conflict with his son. This is
exemplified when Jim went to introduce his girlfriend, Judy, to his parents after
Plato’s death, “Mom, Dad, this is my friend Judy”. Mrs Stark tried to object but Mr
Stark hushed her signifying the end of her hold over him. The verbal features in that
scene contrast with those in the opening scene to show that Mr Stark was finally
strong and Jim had no reason to rebel. The verbal features showed that Mr Stark was
finally the father Jim needed and that he could guide him through adolescence. A
father is important for teenagers such as myself and this is shown by the verbal and
visual features in “Rebel Without a Cause”. The film made me grateful to have such
a good relationship with my father.
In conclusion in “Rebel Without a Cause” Jim’s conflict with his father was shown
by Jim’s rebellion through alcohol and violence and by his hatred of being called
”chicken”. Verbal and visual features showed that Jim’s conflict was because of his
father’s inadaquacy and weakness and that it was important to resolve because Jim,
like all teenagers, needed a father to help him navigate his way through adolescence.
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Exemplar 3
Achieved with excellence
Describe an interesting idea in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you understand this idea.
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Lasse Hallstrom
Introduction engages
reader and identifies idea.
The main, and most interesting idea in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”
directed by Lasse Hallstrom, is the idea that one can be completely trapped
by one’s environment mentally, so that one can not leave despite the lack of
physical barriers.
Effect of zoom out [visual
feature] analysed and
clearly linked to idea.
In the first scene of the film, the audience is given a shot of the town where
the film is set, Endora. The camera then zooms out making the town appear
to have a “sucking” effect, as if it grabs hold of everything and doesn’t let go,
completely trapping everything. It is during this first scene that one first
hears from the main character Gilbert Grape, (Johnny Depp), who is the
character who is mentally trapped in Endora through his own apathy and the
situation.
Links between dialogue
[verbal feature] and use of
colour [visual feature]
explained.
Depth of thinking – moves
from physical to social
entrapment.
Ideas in all paragraphs
appropriately linked to
verbal/visual features and
supported with examples.
Perceptive comments
throughout answer:
• looks at idea of
being trapped on
several levels
• explores a range of
techniques used to
present idea
Gilbert says “Describing Endora is like dancing to no music,” which sums up
Endora and the people in it, as there are no bright colours and the fields
(Endora is very isolated) look very lifeless and dull. However, Endora is not
the only thing that traps Gilbert Grape, Gilbert has many family obligations.
Gilbert’s family consists of his obese mother who does not leave the house,
two sisters, an older brother, Larry, who “got away”, and a mentally
handicapped younger brother Arnie (Leonardo Di Caprio), for whom Gilbert
is responsible. Gilbert is trapped in his role as caregiver of Arnie, as he is
very submissive to Arnie and other people, always putting his own wants
last. This is demonstrated in the film by the placement of characters; Gilbert
is nearly always below Arnie who is often up a tree or the water tower.
Despite his responsibility for Arnie, Gilbert is also the sole “breadwinner” of
the family. Gilbert, ironically, works at a grocery store – when describing
Endora at the beginning of the film Gilbert says “This where I work, and
here’s food land where everyone else shops”, Showing that he still works at
the isolated grocery, while other people are able to leave and go to the bigger
and better place, paralleling Gilbert’s situation. Food is a major issue for the
Grapes, as demonstrated by Momma’s obesity. In the house there is nearly
always a close up of food before tracking to a character, showing the
importance of food in Gilbert’s problems. In the grocery store there are often
close up shots of Gilbert framed by shelves of food, once again showing how
trapped Gilbert is.
Gilbert’s feeling of entrapment, portrayed by his positioning on screen and
his framing by large objects, is very interesting, as it shows that one does not
have to be trapped by physical objects – society’s pressure and family
obligations will do the same thing.
Note for teachers:
• Exemplars 1,3 and 5 are all on the same topic. Able students may benefit from comparing
the introductions to these and evaluating their effectiveness.
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Exemplar 4
Achieved with merit
Describe a memorable character in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you remember this character.
Pleasantville
Gary Ross
Introduction clearly
identifies the character and
the reasons why he is
memorable.
Pleasantville, by Garry Ross is a film that explores the changes a teen goes
through when transported into a 1950’s sitcom. A memorable character in
this film is the “Soda jerk” Mr Johnson. Mr Johnson is memorable because
he is a round character that evolves and changes through the film with the
help of Bud.
Paragraph explains how a
verbal and visual technique
combine to make the
character comic and
therefore memorable.
Mr Johnson first changes when Bud turns up to work late and Mr Johnson is,
as Garry Ross states “stuck in limbo” mindlessly wipeing the counter. This
is visualy comic, because Mr Johnson would continue wipeing the counter,
until he went through the foremiker which would never happen in that time
span. Mr Johnson is memorable because he is “stuck in limbo” which is
visualy memorable to the viewer.
Second reason explained
and linked to technique
[dialogue].
Amply supported with
direct quotations.
Third reason why we
remember the character
explained and supported
with details from the text.
Conclusion sums up points.
The next reason why Mr Johnson is memorable is because he is the first adult
to think for himself. We see this verbaly when Mr Johnsen says “I was just
thinking”. This is the first sign that the characters have the ability to change.
Bud replys “just forget about it” ... “don’t think” in a last attempt to stop the
change, but as Garry Ross stated “Change is like water coarsing down hill
“...It cannot be stopped, and will always find an outlet.”
We remember this character because he is the first character to develop a
passion. His passion is the passion for art, which is significant in itself
because art can often be innocent or harmful, depending how you look at it.
Which is a metaphor of the changes happening in the Pleasantville world.
Mr Johnson’s passion starts when “I was just thinking” and continues until it
makes a statement throughout the town. This is all seen visualy from the
works of art.
Mr Johnson is central to the film Pleasantville because he is a round character
that has a taste of change, and wants more. He is memorable because of the
changes that occur.
Next Steps
The student could
• explain more fully some of the points made. E.g. how Mr Johnson is ‘stuck in
limbo’? What was Mr Johnson thinking about? Expand the metaphor reference in
the second last paragraph.
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Exemplar 5
Achieved with merit
Describe an interesting idea in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you understand this idea.
Gallipoli
Peter Weir
Introduction describes idea
& identifies one verbal and
visual feature used to
convey it.
Verbal feature [music] is
explained and supported
with two references to the
text.
Visual feature [stopwatch]
explained and supported
with references to text.
Further discussion of the
idea makes analytical
comments about its symbolic
place in the film.
In the film Gallipoli by Peter Weir an important and interesting idea was the
race against time, this is shown by the kind of music played and represented
by the stopwatch. All throughout the film there is always a race happening.
The music that is played during some of the races is called “Oxygene”.
Oxygene is a fast pace music that gets the viewer into the scene. This music
is played right at the start when Archie races Les across the desert, it is also
played in the final scene when Frank is the messenger and does not get back
in time.
The race against time is represented by a stopwatch, at first it was Archies
uncles and he used it to time Archie when he was races. But later on he gives
it to Archie right before he goes to war. The stopwatch is also shown in the
last scene, before Archie goes over the top he hangs his personal beloging up
and you get a close up shot of the stopwatch.
All through the film there are races happening. It starts with Archie and his
uncle doing a short sprint race and finishes with Archie going over the top of
the trench and dieing. Archie started in the starting pose for a race and
finished in the winners pose when he died. When he died and that last shot
was fired that represented the race of life was finaly over.
In conclusion the verbal feature of the Oxygene music and visual feature of
the stopwatch helped me understand that it was a race against time. The film
started with a race and finishes with a race.
Next Steps
The student could
• expand the ideas in the second paragraph. Is the use of the music identical in both
scenes? Why/why not?
• explore the symbolism of the stopwatch more fully in the third paragraph.
• develop a personal response. What did the writer find ‘interesting’ about this idea?
.
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Exemplar 6
Achieved with merit
Describe a memorable character in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you remember this character.
Heavenly Creatures
Peter Jackson
Peter Jacksons 1994 film Heavenly Creatures is the gripping tale of two
young girls and their obsession-fuelled crime that shocked the nation. A
memorable character in the film is that of Pauline Parker. She is portrayed as
naieve, rebellious and lower-class. Verbal and visual features used to make
Pauline memorable were costume, dialogue and soundtrack.
Use of visual technique
[costume] is explained and
supported with reference to
the text.
Second technique music]
explained and generously
supported with a number of
specific references to the
text.
Some perceptive comments
in this paragraph but these
not sustained throughout the
Answer [needed for
excellence].
In each body paragraph
the student explains how
the technique contributed
to his/her understanding of
Pauline.
Third technique explained
and supported by
quotation.
Answer unfinished but
sufficient evidence of
convincing understanding
provided for merit.
Costume is used effectively in the film in many ways. Throughout the film
Pauline is seen in dull, unflattering outfits. Use of costume helped me
remember Pauline as a lower class girl as the outfits she wore were very
contrasted to the elegant outfits of Juliet. I believe that Paulines outfits could
also be symbollic of her “masculinity”. Throughout the film she is clearly
the more masculine of the girls, and costume helps to stress this point.
Soundtrack in the film is very effective in helping me remember Pauline as a
rebellious and sulky character, as well as helping me understand her feelings
about Pauline better. Mario Lanzar songs are used in the first half of the
film, and can be seen as an indicator of Paulines mood. Paulines initial
facination with Juliet is coupled with the Mario Lanzar song “be my love”.
This song is also an introduction to Paulines obsession with “Mario” - which
is a key theme in the film. Also, Mario Lanzar song “You’ll never walk
alone” is ironically used at the end of the film, when the audience is told
Pauline and Juliet may never see each other again. Finally, Juliets chilling
aria “Sono Andati” helps us realise and remember Paulines infactuation with
Juliet as she imagines Juliet as a heroine, singing this love song to her. I
believe this aria could also be viewed as symbol of the inevitability of
Honoras fate, and Paulines resignation to what she must do to achieve her
dream of being with Juliet.
Dialogue is effectively used in the film to help the audience remember
Pauline as a naieve girl. For example, when John the lodger makes advances
on Pauline, she is not aware of his true intentions, when he asks “do you love
me as much as I love you Yvonne?”, she naievly replies “Of course I do, my
darling Nicholas”. Also, dialogue is used to show Pauline as lower-class when Juliet asks Mr Pieper his job, and he replies that he works in a fish
shop, Paul embarrassingly adds “he’s the manager”. As she is embarrased at
her families relative social standing compared to the Hulmes. I believe that
this statement is proof of the beginning of her obsession with the Hulme
family, and their so.
Next Steps
The student could
•
focus on one or examples of each technique to analyse in detail . [E.g. in paragraph 3]
•
provide specific examples of costumes which show that she is ‘masculine,’ ‘lower class’.
Note for teachers:
• paragraph 2 could be cut into sentences and given to those students who struggle with
paragraphing to sequence. A comparison between this paragraph and paragraph 2 from
Exemplar 1 could be useful for demonstrating the difference between merit and excellence.
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Exemplar 7
Achieved
Describe a situation or event in the text that shocked or surprised you.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to make you feel shocked or surprised.
Touching the Void
Kevin MacDonald
Answer begins by
describing the event and
refers to use of one visual
feature [close ups].
In the film Touching The Void when Joe and Simon were decending down
the mountain “Guila Suile” Joes ice axe slips of the ice and he lands on the
ground below screaming in pain because he has broken his leg. There are a
number of close ups on Joes face to show us the pain he is in.
Simon knew something had happened to Joe, so when he reached the cliff
Joe had fell off he looked down and saw Joe lying there in pain. Simons first
thoughts were we are going to die. There are also close-ups of Simons face
to see the anger he feels and the thought of him dying.
Answer tends to be plot
driven.
Some details of use of
second visual feature [long
shots].
Limited personal
response here and
elsewhere in answer.
Borderline.
As Simon descended down to see Joe he asks “Are you ok?” Joes first
thoughts were to say “Yes Im fine” but by the way he looked it was obivous
he wasn’t fine. When people break their leg up in a mountain they usually
end up dying and their partner has too leave them up there so he can get
down safely but Simon was determined he could get Joe down.
Simon got two 150 feet rope and tied them together and tied one end to him
and one to Joe. As he started to lower him down he speed up faster and
faster because they had no gas to melt snow to drink and the weather may
also get bad. Long shots are shown to see Joe being lowered down the
mountain. As Joe is getting lowered he is lowered of a cliff face and he is
left hanging there with no where to go. He then is not moving anymore as
there is no more rope left to lower him any further. Simon tuggs on the rope
to check if Joe is alright and he hopes that Joe will tugg back but he cant.
Simon waits for two hours for a reply from Joe but he doesn’t so Simon
thinks he must have died. After a lot of courage his only way to get himself
out of the mountain alive is too cut the rope and leave Joes alive body fall
into a cravace below. Long shots were used to see Joe fall.
It shocked me that Simon did this to Joe but if anyone was in his shoes they
would’ve done the same.
Next Steps
The student could
• identify in the introduction why the event shocked him.
• explain how the visual features increased his feeling of shock. E.g. How did the long shot
of Joe’s fall emphasise the terrible act that his friend had just done?
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Exemplar 8
Achieved
Describe an important conflict between characters in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used to help you understand why this conflict
was important.
Whale Rider
Niki Caro
Simple introduction
identifies conflict.
The most important conflict in the movie Whale Rider, directed by Niki
Caro, is between Koro and Pai, the two leaders of the Maori people. It is
shown visually and verbally.
Second paragraph focuses
on describing early
relationship between
characters and explaining
how camera shots help
viewer to understand this
relationship.
At the beginning of the film, the conflict between Koro and Pai is not strong.
This is shown visually by Koro biking with Pai. They are close, and happy.
There are close ups of Koro’s face and Pai’s face looking up at him. Pai is
holding his necklace which is his symbol for power. She also looks up at
Koro which shows her respect for him. There are then long sweeping shots
of the New Zealand countryside, with a short montage of views of the town
they live in. It is green and full of life.
Third paragraph describes
developing conflict and
explains the use of visual
technique [close ups].
Fourth paragraph refers to
use of verbal technique
[dialogue] used to show
conflict.
Ideas in each
paragraph supported
with reference to the
text.
The conflict between them really begins when Koro starts up the school for
the old ways. It is mainly for boys, but Pai came along and sat in the front.
Koro then asks her to go to the back, but she just looks at him. There is a
close up of Koro, then Pai, then Koro then Pai as he repeats that he wants her
to sit in the back. She continues to look at him. He then tells her to leave,
which she does. The close up shot sequence of Koro and Pai shows the
conflict between them because it is quick and close. It also shows the respect
Pai has for Koro because she leaves when he asks her to.
Another place where this movie shows this conflict is when Pai is found
fighting with Hemi, and wins. The conflict is shown verbally because Koro
asks Pai to say she’s sorry, and she does. But you know she doesn’t mean it,
and so does Koro. Again you have the close up sequence of Koro and Pai,
again showing that distance because of their conflict but their similarities due
to their closeness.
This conflict helped me understand the movie, and the visual and verbal
features helped me understand the conflict. I like Koro and Pai’s
relationship, because it shows how sometimes a look can mean a million
words, and how highly respect is valued with them.
Next Steps
The student could
• explain what causes the conflict between the two characters.
• focus on the keyword ‘important’ in the question. Why is the conflict important? To
whom is it important?
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A.S 90056
Exemplar 9
Achieved
Describe the first ONE or TWO scenes in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used in this scene (or scenes) to suggest what
the text would be about.
Schindler’s List
Steven Spielberg
Schindler’s List by Steven Speilberg is a film about the atrocities and mass
murder of millions of Jews in the Holocaust. The film starts with a close up
of a hand lighting a candle with a match, in a Jewish family home on a Friday
night Sabbath.
First two scenes of film
clearly described and
supported with specific
details.
As they are singing prayers, they vanish from view. The candles sit there on
the table. A reddish-light extinguishes itself and sends a small pillar of wispy
smoke upward from the candle, the colour then dissolves into greyish smoke
that bellows from a locomotive of a train in a station at Krakow.
A man then unfolds a wooden table and places a stapler, ink, a typing
machine as a sentence appears on the screen saying “In 1939 Poland was
defeated and Jews were to relocate to other cities...” Then a family
approaches the man and the first word said in the film is “Name?”
These first two scenes in the film through some verbal and visual techniques
help to suggest what the film is about.
Second part of answer
identifies verbal and
visual features used
and provides
supporting evidence.
Answer makes some
predictions about content
and mood of text and
links these to identified
techniques. These need to
be developed for merit.
The costumes that the Jewish family were wearing in the opening showed a
costume that Jews would wear; long black clothing, long beard and a Jewish
hat portrayed the usual Jewish clothing. Also, the incantations or singing by
one of the Jewish members also suggested that the film was about Jews.
Moreover, another verbal feature in the second scene gave the whole idea of
the movie. The sentence which appeared in the beginning of the second
scene explained what has happened and what will happen. “In 1939, Poland
was defeated and Krakow Jews were asked to relocate to other cities ...”
In the second scene, it became black and white suggesting an oppressive,
dark mood, whereas the first scene was in colour because it was a hopeful
scene with prayer. This also suggests that the film will be about Jews in
1939, World War II, and in dark and oppressive times.
Next Steps
The student could
• be more specific about characters. Is the film likely to focus on the family shown in the
opening scene?
• predict what particular themes the film might portray and link these to the lighting/colour
comments in the last paragraph.
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A.S 90056
Exemplar 10
Not Achieved
Describe the first ONE or TWO scenes in the text.
Explain how verbal and/or visual features were used in this scene (or scenes) to suggest what
the text would be about.
Whale Rider
Niki Caro
Answer has structure:
• beginning
• middle
• end
Two body paragraphs give
some description of
opening two scenes and
make attempts to address
the second part of the
question.
Comments, particularly
those relating to the second
part of the question, are
generalised and lacking in
specifics.
In the film “The Whale Rider” directed by Niki Carol the first scene use visal
features to suggest what the text is about.
In the first scene, this is in the hospital Pai is born and so is her brother but he
dies and her Mum does to. Koro the leader of the tribe is waiting for the first
born boy to be the next leader but he died. Koro doesn’t want Pai because
she is a girl but Nanny (Pai’s wife) tells him off for being like that and Koro
takes Pai. This suggest what the text will be about by Koro not wanting Pai
this suggest that later Pai is going to have to prove to Koro that she is good
enough.
In the next scence Koro is fixing a boat motor but he cant quite get it to work,
he goes away. While he is away Pai gets it working. Koro is angry at this
and say “don’t you do that again”. This helps to show that Pai is going to
have to prove that she is good even though she is a girl she can be the leader
by showing Koro that she capable of doing thing for they tribe.
In conclusion these first two scences do lots to suggest what the film will be
about.
Next Steps
The student could
• identify specific visual techniques in the introduction
• refer to these specific techniques in the body paragraphs. E.g How are close ups used
to suggest that Pai is destined to be a leader.
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