Choose one of the following, if you do not have a prepared monologue.
Male
“Cool Hand Luke”
By Donn Pearce
Luke has just entered an abandoned church as he attempts to escape from a chain gang so he can
have a conversation with God.
Anybody here? Hey old man, you home tonight? Can you spare a minute? It's about time we
had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow; killed people in the war an'… got drunk and...
chewed up municipal property in life, I know I got no call to ask for much, but even so, you
gotta admit you ain't dealt me no cards in a long time... From here, it looks like, you got things
fixed so I can never win out! Inside, outside, all them... rules, and regulations, and bosses. You
made me like I am! So just, where am I supposed to fit in? Old man, I gotta tell ya... I started out
pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me.
When did it end? What do ya got in mind for me? What do I do now? All right. All right. On
my knees, asking...Yeah, that's what I thought... I guess I'm pretty tough to deal with, huh? A
hard case...yeah, I guess I gotta find my own way.
Choose one of the following, if you do not have a prepared monologue.
Female
“Funny Girl”
By Isobel Lennart
Ambitious comedienne Fanny Brice (Barbra Streisand), a bagel among onion rolls (to use her
metaphor), won't let anyone rain on her parade.
Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks, gasp, a bagel!
You'd say, 'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem - I'm a bagel on a plate full of
onion rolls. Nobody recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions. Sweet as pie and tough as
leather. And that's six expressions more than all those... Barrymores put together. Instead of just
kicking me, why don't they give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot, 'cause they're scared that I got...
such a gift! 'Cause I'm the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait - they're gonna
hear a voice, a silver flute. They'll cheer each toot, hey, she's terrific!, when I expose it. Now can't
you see to look at me that I'm a natural Camille, and as Camille, I just feel, I've so much to offer.
Kid, I know I'd be divine because I'm a natural cougher [coughs] - some ain't got it, not a lump.
I'm a great big clump of talent! Laugh, they'll bend in half. Did you ever hear the story about the
travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A thousand faces. I reiterate.
When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts, I've got no axe to grind. Ay! What are ya,
blind? In all of the world so far, I'm the greatest star! No autographs, please. What? You think
beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're gonna
be out! FINISHED! Then it'll be my turn!
Choose one of the following, if you do not have a prepared monologue.
Gender Neutral
“The Audition”
By Roberta Simmons- Smith
[Starts downstage center]
HELLO!! Ho goodness, that was too loud. . . hello. . . that’s better. Sorry about that. You see, I’m
really FEALLY nervous This is my first ever audition and I want to make sure I show you ALL
the gift God thas given me- not that I’m pompous or anything I know this is a ministry, but you
know what I mean. I want to be the best I can be; . . . So. . . I guess I’ll begin.
[Moves to upstage right and starts a mental preparation before continuing. Then moves downstage
left when saying line in complete and utter desperation]
NO, Pilot, don’t do it!! You must was your hands of that man Jesus! Only bad things will come
to you if you go through with it! I was told so in a dream!
[Pleased with performance, comes out of character]
Next would be my pantomime side.
[engages in some sort of physical warm up in preparation. Then continues to create a detailed
SHORT storyline, making it very clear what is actually happening. Nods head in a ‘thank you’
when it’s over.]
Finally, to bring this audition to a close, I will offer you my comedic side.
[This time, doing very weird facial and vocal warm-ups in preparation, followed by a long pause
standing upstage center with closed eyes and serious face- then an abrupt launch into a song and
dance number. This does not need words, but does need huge movement/ kicks, facial expressions,
and cheesy melody. Finish completely out of breath]
That brings me to the end of my audition. I pray you were blessed!
[Takes a big bow, but has trouble getting backup due to the strenuous audition]
Does anyone know where I can find a drinking fountain?