Suggested Monologues:
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
written by Charles M. Schulz
Sally Brown: I was robbed! I spent the whole night waiting for the Great Pumpkin when I could have been out for
tricks or treats! Halloween is over and I missed it! You blockhead! You kept me up all night waiting for the Great
Pumpkin and all that came was a beagle! I didn't get a chance to go out for tricks or treats! And it was all your fault!
I'll sue! What a fool I was. And could have had candy apples and gum! And cookies and money and all sorts of
things! But no, I had to listen to you! You blockhead. What a fool I was. Trick or treats come only once a year. And
I miss it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead. Aaaahrgh!
Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
written by Roald Dahl
Slugworth: I congratulate you, little boy. Well done. You found the fifth Golden Ticket. May I introduce myself.
Arthur Slugworth, President of Slugworth Chocolates, Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going to make
you very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this moment working on a fantastic invention: the Everlasting Gobstopper. If
he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I want you to do is to get hold of just one Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to
me so that I can find the secret formula. Your reward will be ten thousand of these. (he flips through a stack of
money) Think it over, will you. A new house for your family, and good food and comfort for the rest of their lives.
And don't forget the name: Everlasting Gobstopper.
Funny Girl
written by Bob Merrill
Fanny: Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks (gasp) a bagel! You'd say,
'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem - I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody
recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions. Sweet as pie and tough as leather. And that's six expressions more than
all those...Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don't they give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot,
'cause they're scared that I got...such a gift! 'Cause I'm the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Laugh,
they'll bend in half. Did you ever hear the story about the travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the
jokes. A thousand faces. I reiterate. When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts. No autographs, please.
What? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're gonna be
out! FINISHED! Then it'll be my turn!
Foreigner
written by Larry Shue
Ellard: Don't tell me you've never seen a knife. Knife. That's a knife. Use it to cut things. Cut things. (Mimes) Like
- ham. If we had some ham. Or bacon, or sump'm. I can't believe you don't -. (Looks around for help. There is none.)
You don't really need it. No, you don't need it. (Demonstrating.) Put it down. (Charlie now holds a spoon.) Yeah,
now that's your spoon. Use that to put sugar in your coffee, if you had some sugar, here. And you had some coffee shoot. I don't really know why we got all these things. But your fork - I wish somebody else'd help you with this,
'cause I don't know anything, but - I think that your fork - your fork'd be the main thing you'd use. 'Cause you got
your eggs, and you got your grits. Y'see? Eat 'em with a fork, just like we been doin'. Can - you - say - 'fork'? 'Fawwerk'? 'Faw-werk.' Two parts. 'Faw-werk.' . . . Right. Put 'em together. 'Faw-werk' . . .Good! That was great!'