Sermon by Hughey D. Reynolds Preached at Latham United Methodist Church
Huntsville, AL
No Excuse for Bad Communication
Mark 10:2-16
2 Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, "Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife?" 3 He answered them, "What did Moses command you?" 4 They
said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her."
5 But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this
commandment for you. 6 But from the beginning of creation, "God made them
male and female.' 7 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer
two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate." 10 Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter.
11 He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits
adultery against her; 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another,
she commits adultery." 13 People were bringing little children to him in order that
he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. 14 But when Jesus
saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me;
do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 15
Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will
never enter it." 16 And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and
blessed them.
Humorist Bob Orben tells how his son came home from college for the holidays: “I
asked him, 'How are things going?' He said, 'Good.' I said, 'How's the food?' He said,
'Good.' I said, 'And the dormitory?' He said, 'Good.' I said, 'They've always had a
strong football team. How do you think they'll do this year?' He said, 'Good.' I said,
'How are your studies going?' He said, 'Good.' I said, 'Have you decided on your major
yet?' He said, 'Yes.' I said, 'What is it?' He said, 'Communications.'
Someone has said that to the eyes and ears of the world, the church, which
God put in charge of communications for the Good News, must appear a lot
like Bob Orben's college kid. People struggle with important issues and face
problems the world cannot resolve. They turn to the church for answers and
we tell them everything’s good. They know it is not, even inside the church,
but we do not address problems here for fear we will disagree and run
someone off. In his book on group dysfunctions, Patrick Lencioni says the
fear of conflict leads groups to settle for artificial harmony. When the church
refuses to talk about problems people face and settles for artificial harmony,
we become irrelevant to real life, irrelevant to the world.
The Pharisees who asked Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife
were actually picking a fight with Jesus. They had likely heard that he
opposed divorce, so they wanted him to catch him contradicting the Law of
Moses in order to discredit him as a rabbi. Instead, Jesus not only shows
that he knows the Bible, the Law of Moses, but that he is aware of and
opposed to the added pain and suffering that the practice of divorce created
for women and children in a family.
1
October 7, 2012; 8:30 & 11:05 AM
Sermon by Hughey D. Reynolds Preached at Latham United Methodist Church
Huntsville, AL
I preached on this passage in my second or third year at Latham and upset a recently
divorced member. She said she did not want her daughter to hear that Jesus opposed
divorce when she had agonized for years over the decision and finally decided divorce
was the least of all evils she faced. There was so much fighting and tension between
her x-husband and her that she believed getting out was the right thing to do. I had
quoted a poem in that sermon that stressed the pain of divorce for children, so I fully
understood and appreciated the divorced mother’s complaint. For her sake, I wished I
had left that poem out.
What is the church to do? Are we not to talk about divorce at all? The divorce rate
in America for first marriages is 41%, for second marriages 60%, and for third marriages
73%? Has divorce become so prevalent in society and in the church that we should
ignore it or dismiss the topic from preaching because it is meddling in personal affairs?
We have tried dismissing scripture and not preaching on the subject that Jesus
addresses the most, money, and it is not working out too well for us. I do not think
either presidential candidate represented Jesus’ position on the economy in the debate
last week. Jesus’ commanded that his followers not to be anxious about material
possessions or even necessities like food and clothing. We choose instead, he said, to
build your lives around money, which is what the whole world does. Malcolm Forbes
may say the answer to 99 out of 100 questions is money, but I am going with Jesus
rather than Malcolm on this one. The answer is putting the Kingdom of God and His
righteousness first in our lives; when we do, all we need will be added to us as well.
I am also going with Jesus on the topic of divorce. Jesus says that Moses gave the law
permitting divorce because of the hardness of people’s hearts. What Jesus opposes
the most in divorce is our hardness of heart. What does he mean by hardness of heart?
Take a look at the focus for today’s sermon that is printed on the bulletin: “When
Pharisees ask Jesus whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife, Jesus asks what
Moses wrote in the law. When they tell him Moses says to send her an email to tell her,
Jesus tells them they have to do better than that. They have to communicate directly.
More relationships could be saved following Jesus' teaching.”
I realize my focus statement is an anachronism, not in the correct historical time.
However, writing ones wife a certificate of divorce and sending it to her was all the law
required of a man to divorce his wife. Jesus opposed letting men out of a marriage
without having a frank, face-to-face conversation with her about their marriage.
I did a brief search on the internet and found story after story told by lawyers, husbands
and wives about one partner sending an email to the other asking for a divorce. One
husband deployed in Iraq Skyped his wife on her birthday, which was the 28th. On the
30th, he emails her saying he thinks it is best if they go their separate ways. Another
wife reports her husband of over 20 years had moved out and he sent her divorce
papers by email and he asked her to waive the 30-day waiting period New Jersey
requires and to waive her rights to his insurance. It happens.
The audacity of people to use email to communicate something so personal and difficult
is no worse that writing one’s wife a certificate of divorce as prescribed by the law of
2
October 7, 2012; 8:30 & 11:05 AM
Sermon by Hughey D. Reynolds Preached at Latham United Methodist Church
Huntsville, AL
Moses. Jesus was outraged at the practice. Our hardness of heart makes it nearly
impossible for us to talk with each other about our differences. I spend 2/3 of the time
couples meet with me for pre-marriage counseling on the topic of communication. They
may fight over money, but before they do they will have failed to communicate about
their values. They may argue about sex, but before they do, they will have failed to
communicate their affection toward each other. Bad communication drives a wedge
between people.
The scripture says that God is a Communicator. Through the spoken Word, God
created the heavens and the earth. In Genesis we read, “God said, ‘Let there be light,’
and there was light.” God did the same for every created thing and being. John’s
Gospel tells us, “The Word (of God) became flesh and lived among us” in Jesus, “full of
grace and truth.” God chose and still chooses direct communication with us. Through a
personal relationship with us, the Scriptures given to us, and ongoing conversation
through prayer, God desires to be in conversation with us every day. When God’s Spirit
lives in us, God enables us to enter into each other’s lives the same way.
The 20th century French philosopher Michel Foucault says that discourse is hard
because we do not know what is going on in another person’s head when we talk. We
assume others are thinking what we are thinking when we talk, but that is rare.
Therefore, good communication takes much more talking and listening that most
people, at least most men, want to give it. Jesus gave his life to establish
communication between God and us. He is our model for communicating with each
other now.
The church staff, church leadership, and I get this. We want to do a better job of
communicating with you than we have in the past. I heard that someone asked last
week where in the world we got this vision of “connecting generations to grow
relationships with God, others, and creation.” The answer, I believe, is that we got it
from listening to the needs of our church and our community and listening to God. I
believe our Board of Stewards chair Martin Marty had an inspired idea back in July
when he recommended that we communicate our vision and the concrete ministries that
carry out that vision through a Ministry Fair. That is exactly what we will do next week
following the 11:05 worship service. We will have a church-wide picnic on the grounds
of the church, including people from the three morning services. There will be six
different exhibits around the courtyard, one for each ministry team and ministry initiative
of our church. Each exhibit will display numerous activities related to that ministry.
There will be people there to talk with you about activities and initiatives and invite you
to get involved with them. We will do this around food and conversation. We will
communicate directly.
There is no excuse for bad communication in a marriage, in divorce, or in the church.
We have the opportunity to radically improve our communication when we embody the
Word made flesh and allow him to live, speak, and listen through us.
3
October 7, 2012; 8:30 & 11:05 AM