Episode 205 - Conjoined Fetus Lady
Awesome South Park - http://www.everwonder.com/david/southpark.html
[South Park Gymnasium]
Chef is the gym teacher
Chef: Ok children it's Friday and you know what that means for PE class. We're gonna play dodgeball!
[Groan]
Kyle: We don't wanna play dodgeball. It hurts.
Stan: Yeah.
Chef: So let's have half of the children on this side, and half the children on that side.
Kids walk away groaning again
Pip:
Excuse me a moment gentlemen, I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball.
Cartman:
What? Don't you have dodgeball in France?
Pip:
Well no. And actually I'm not from France.
Stan: Look Pip the rules are simple. The kid from that team is gonna try to beam the kid on our team
with a big red ball.
Pip:
Oh dear.
Stan: If the ball hits you, you're out. But if you catch the ball, he's out. And the last team to still have
anybody standing wins.
Pip:
Oh what jolly good fun!
Kyle: No it isn't it hurts! I can't believe they let us play this in school.
Chef blows the whistle
Chef: Play ball!
A kid from the other team throws the ball and knocks Clyde down. Clyde starts crying.
Kyle: Damn it, we lost one already.
Chef is laughing
Chef: You're out Clyde.
Stan: Jordan, Swatson, pull forward! We need backup!
Another kid on Stan's team gets hit
Stan: We're loosing men fast out here!
Chef(still laughing): Concentrate on your game. Be the ball.
Another kid throws the ball and Kyle catches it
Kyle: I caught it! I caught it!
Chef: Great catch Kyle. Now your team's on offense.
Kyle: Here Pip, you throw it.
He throws Pip the ball
Pip:
Uh, oh no I couldn't.
Kyle: Come on limey. Don't be a wuss! Are you just gonna be a French pansy your whole life?
Pip:
I'm not French...
Kyle: Throw the ball you little frog. God damn maybe if you didn't eat all those crossaints be able to
get....ow!
Pip throws the ball at Kyle's face and his nose starts bleeding
Chef: Ok, that was pretty good Pip, but you're supposed to hit the kids on the other team.
Kyle: Ow my nose! You broke my nose!
Cartman:
Damn Pip, I didn't know you had it in you.
Pip:
Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry!
Chef: That nose is bleeding pretty bad Kyle. I think you might have to go to the nurse's office.
Kyle: No! No it'll be ok.
Chef: Sorry son, you'll have to let the nurse look at it. Come on!
He drags Kyle out
Kyle: NO!!
Cartman:
Dude. He's going to the nurse's office.
Clyde: I heard the school nurse is heidiously deformed.
Bebe: I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch.
Cartman:
Stan? Has anybody actually seen the nurse, and come back to tell about it?
Stan: No Cartman. Nobody ever has.
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
Nurse:
Kyle:
[Nurse's Office]
Kyle is sitting on the table shivering with his eyes closed.
A Shadow comes in.
The shadow is taking something out.
Are you Kyle Broslofski?
Ye..Yes.
I'm the school nurse, did you hurt your nose?
Ye..yes.
Young man, why do you have your eyes closed? I'm not gonna hurt you.
I know.
So open them.
He opens his eyes and sees the nurse's normal side of head.
Oh. Whew.
Now, what seems to be the problem.
Oh, I just hit my nose playing dodgeball.
Oh, well I'll get you an ice-pack.
She facesa front, and you see a dead fetus sticking out of the right side of her head.
AHHHHH!!!!
What?
AHHHHHH!!!!
Oh, I see you've noticed my disorder. I have a still born fetus growth attached to my head.
AHHHHH!!!!
[Kyle's house]
Kyle: And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled.
Kids: Ewww!
Cartman:
Did it talk? The little fetus, did it talk?
Kyle: No! No it looked dead!
Kids: Ewww!
Stan: Was it wearing clothes?
Kyle: Dude! Where's she gonna get fetus clothes?
Stan: Oh yeah. Ewww!
Kids: Ewww!
Kyle: And then she walked over.....
Sheila: Kyle! That is enough! I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition, and it is nothing to be
made fun of.
She's holding a book called "Freaks A-Z"
Sheila: It's called conjoined twin myslexia.
Cartman:
Who the hell cares what it's called! As long as she doesn't touch me!
Sheila: Now that's just the kind of unawairness that we need to fight against. Sit down boys.
All sit on couch. A picture of Ike in a bathtub is seen hanging above them.
Sheila: You see boys, sometimes when babies are born, they're born as twins. But sometimes the twins
get hooked together and they're born as Siamese twins.
She shows a picture of 2 guys with their heads together.
Kids: Gross!!
Sheila: Sometimes, after the Siamese twins are joined together, one of the twins dies before birth. The
living baby is born, with the dead baby still attached. Sometimes, the dead twin is inside the living person,
so even you could have a dead twin inside you and not even know it!
Stan and Cartman:
AHHH!
Stan and Cartman run out the door screaming.
Sheila: So now that you're edjucated about her disease, you won't need to make fun of her, right boobie?
Kyle: Uhh...yeah.
She leaves Kenny and Kyle sitting on the couch
Kyle looks confused, and Kenny starts laughing
[In the kitchen]
Gerald is reading a paper.
Sheila's walking around.
Sheila: Can you imagine that poor, poor woman.
Gerald: Ummhuh.
Sheila: Feeling like an outcast, being ridiculed every day.
Gerald: Ummhuh.
[Phone rings]
Sheila picks it up
Sheila: Hello?
Sharon:
Hello Sheila? It's Sharon. Stan's mother?
At the Marsh's house Stan is seen running in the background with an ice pick.
Sheila: Oh yes, hello Sharon.
Sharon:
Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open
with an icepick?
In the background Stan's dad is attempting to stop Stan from doing so.
Stan: [in background] No! I have to get it out!
Sheila: Well Sharon, I was just trying to edjucate them about conjoined twin myslexia.
Sharon:
So this is your fault!
Randy: [in background] No!Damn it!
Stan: [in background] AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Sharon:
Would you do me a favor? Next time you wanna scare the hell out of my child, just go
outside and sit in the road till a truck runs you over instead.
She hangs up
Sheila: That does it! I must edjucate the entire town about this awful disease.
Gerald: Ummhuh.
[South Park Gymnasium]
The kids are all wearing Cow's uniforms.
Stan: Dude, I don't get it. Why are we playing dodgeball again?
Cartman:
Yeah. I thought we only played on Fridays.
Chef: Children! Great news! We've been asked to play in the state finals for dodgeball!
[Groan]
Stan: Aww do we have to?
Kyle: Can't we just play with that big parachute again or something?
Chef: Ye...you don't understand children. If we can win state, we can play in the nationals in
Washington DC.
Cartman:
Hey! They have a zoo there!
Chef: That's right. Now come on, we have a lot of practicing to do.
Stan: Aren't we supposed to have won something in order to go to state finals?
Kyle: Hey Pip? You wanna be on my team again?
Pip:
Oh I'd love to!
Cartman:
Oh, just try not to send anybody to that monster nurse this time, Frenchie.
Pip:
Hey! I get quite disturbed when you call me that. You shouldn't make fun of foreigners. And
besides I hate French people.
Chef blows whistle. A kid from the other team hits Bebe on Kyle's team.
Kyle's team laughs
[Principal Victoria's Office]
Mr.Mackey is there.
Principal Victoria:
Well Mrs.Broslofski, it certainly is a thrill seeing you cheery face again. What
seems to be pissing you off today?
Sheila: Nothing is pissing me off. I just want to start a movement.
Principal Victoria:
Ahh, of course you do.
Sheila: I wanna talk to you all about your school nurse.
Mr.Mackey:
Uh Nurse Gulemn is absolutely qualified to be....
Sheila: No, no, no. I'm not upset about her. I want to make the public aware of her. Her disease should
be brought to light so that it can be understood rather than made fun of.
Principal Victoria:
Ooh, and now what disease it that?
Mr.Mackey:
Uh, Principal Victoria, Nurse Gollum has conjoined twin myslexia.
Principal Victoria:
What's that?
Sheila: She has a dead fetus attached to her head.
Principal Victoria:
Gasp! She does??
Mr.Mackey:
You uh, you never noticed that?
Principal Victoria:
No, I never did.
Sheila: Well that's exactly what I'm talking about. This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows
because she feels like an outcast. It is up to us to make her feel comfortable and welcome in out town.
Principal Victoria:
Did you say a fetus? Sticking out from her head?
Sheila: I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party at my house this evening. I'd appreciate if both you
and Mr.Mackey would attend.
Mr.Mackey:
Do we have to eat Kosher stuff?
Principal Victoria:
I'll talk to nurse Gollum, but I'm sure she'd be delighted. Say around 8?
Sheila: Wonderful!
Principal Victoria:
Now you did say she has a fetus, on her head?
[School Bus]
Ok children, now who's gonna win the state finals?
Kids stare blankly
Clyde: Denver?
Chef: Here we go cows, here we go, uh-uh. Here we go cows here we go, uh-uh.(To Mrs.Crabtree)I
think we need to get off on this exit.
Mrs.Crabtree: Sit down kid!!!
Chef: But it's quicker to get to the Denver school that way!
Mrs.Crabtree: Do you want an office referal?
Chef: How many times do I have to explain this to you, I'm not a student. You can't give me an office
referal.
Mrs.Crabtree: I said sit down!!!!
Chef: Yes ma'am.
Chef:
[Cut to Commercial]
Kyle:
[Denver Elementary School]
Whoa dude! This is the school?
[Denver School Gym]
Bob: [to Chef] Hello there. I'm Bob Thomas, the coach for the Denver Cougars.
Chef: I'm Chef, coach of the South Park cows.
Bob: Well I certainly wanna thank you for bringing your team down. Apparently nobody else would play
us, because they knew we'd just beat 'em silly. So I told the school board to find me some hick school
from the mountains, and here you are. You're from South Park, yeah?
Chef: [in a pissed voice] Yeah.
Bob: My god, amazing where people can live nowadays. Well we might as well get this overwith, we
gotta start thinking about DC. Promise we won't make it too painful.
Ref whistles
Ref:
Play ball!
[Kyle's House]
Gerald, Sheila, Mr.Mackey, Principal Victoria, and Nurse Gollum are eating dinner.
Sheila: So where did you get your degree, Nurse Gollum?
Nurse: Colorado State.
Principal Victoria and Sheila: Ahhh!
Gerald: Sheila, could you pass me the dead fetus? I mean gravy!
Sheila kicks him in the leg under the table
Gerald: Ow!
[Denver Elementary School]
South Park has only 5 kids standing.
Denver has a bunch of mean looking kids with spiky haircuts.
Chef: Damn it! Come on! Somebody catch the ball.
Bob: Alright boys, just 5 more of the little bastards to go.
Kid from Denver throws the ball and it gets stuck in Cartman's flub
Cartman:
I caught it! I caught it!
Kid:
Aww that's not fair! He's so fat, it stuck in his belly!
Ref:
South Park on offense!
Chef: Great job children! Just stay focused now.
Kyle: Go for it Pip.
Pip:
Oh bother.
Kyle: Come on you Frenchie little frog!
Pip:
YAAH!!!
He throws the ball out of anger and hits two kids on the other team.
Chef: Whoahahoho! Great shot Pip!
[Kyle's House]
Principal Victoria:
So I head that the South Park cows are playing Denver in dodgeball tonight.
Mr.Mackey:
Yeah, but it doesn't matter. The Denver team always wins, mmkay.
Gerald: Oh I don't know. I think our boys just might have the dead fetus to win. Heart!
Sheial: Gerald! Keep your damn mouth shut!
She hits him so hard that it knocks him off his seat
Nurse: It's ok Mrs.Broslofski, really.
Sheila: Please, forgive us, I'm terribly sorry Nurse Gollum.
Nurse: No, I'm quite secure with it.
Sheila: I have felt so bad ever since I heard the boys making fun of you.
Nurse: They're just young boys. Joking is a way for them to come to terms with what they don't
understand.
Mr.Mackey:
Could I get some more pork?
Principal Victoria:
So did you ever think of you just you know, having it cut off?
Nurse: Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occured to me, unfortunately it would mean my death.
Principal Victoria:
Oh! So I suppose that's out. How about a hat then?
Nurse: No really I don't need....
Sheila: Yes! We could get you a few hats, and you could wear a different one every day. No big woop.
Nurse: I really appreciate what you're trying to do here, but it's not necessary. I'm a pretty happy person.
Sheila: Got it! We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware of folks just like you!
Principal Victoria:
Oh yes, a conjoined twin myslexia awareness week. You know that has a nice
ring.
Nurse: I really don't think.....
Mr.Mackey:
The school could put out pamphlets, mmkay. And we could have seminars to edjucate,
mmkay.
Sheial: Oh this is so exciting! I'm gonna get the mayor on the phone right now!
All leave table except Nurse and Gerald
Gerald grins at her
[Denver Elementary School]
Chef: You got just one more Pip. You get this kid, and we are state champions.
Cartman:
Yeah and if you don't you're a big dumbass European hippie piece of crap.
Pip starts to get ready
Kyle: Get 'em Frenchie!
Pip:
AHHH!
He gets pissed off and throws the ball at the kid
The kid gets knocked down
Ref:
Chef:
South Park wins!
We did it children! We did it! We're going to Washington DC!
Kid on the Denver team is lying there on the ground crying
Kid:
OOWWWEEE!It hurts! Owwweee! Mommie it hurts!
Two clowns come by. It looks like they put the kid on the stretcher, but when they lift it up the
kid's still on the ground. Crowd laughs.
Chef: [to Bob] Oh sorry about wooping yo ass there coach.[Starts singing]Oooh baby come on, just
woop give it ass. Gonna need some creme on yo ass, it's all swollen and red.
[South Park.Town Square]
Mayor: [On podium talking through mic] Ladies and gentlemen this is indeed a great week for South
Park. Mrs. Herman has opened the east wing of the library, and our own South Park cows elementary
school dodgeball team is going to the national finals. Where they will undoubtly be beaten senseless by
the Washington team.
Crowd cheers
Mayor: But most importantly this week has brought to my attention a very serious and dreaded disease.
Conjoined twin myslexia. And so it is in honor of this that I declare this exciting week as....Conjoined Twin
Myslexia Week!
Crowd cheers again
Mayor: And now let's kick off our week long festivities with the first anual grand conjoined parade! Let's
hear it for these brave souls!
Crowd cheers
Nurse Gollum is walking alone in the middle of the street, not exactly thrilled
Mayor: What a glorious parade that was. Let's hear it for the parade coordinators!
Shot of a bunch of guys wearing black suits.
Crowd cheers
Nurse: You know Mayor, I really should be accompanying those kids to Washington incase hey get hurt.
That is my job.
Mayor: Nonsense. This is your week, you aren't going anywhere.
[School Bus]
Chef: How much further is Washington DC?
Ms.Crabtree: Sit down kid!!!
Chef: I need to know how far it is lady.
Ms.Crabtree: I said SIT DOWN!!!!!
Chef sits down
Chef: [To himself]: Yeah whatever you old dried up fat hog.
Ms.Crabtree: What did you say??
Chef: I said, I've always wanted to visit Prague.
Ms.Crabtree: Oh, me too.
Stan: Ok what've you got?
Kyle: Some gefilte fish, some gafaga.
Cartman:
I got a jelly roll! I got a jelly roll!
Stan: Sweet! Jelly roll's perfect! Places.
Kyle grabs one end of the rope, and Cartman the other, while Stan stands in the back and pulls it
with the jelly roll on it, using it as a slingshot. They shoot it at Ms.Crabtree
Ms.Crabtree: Ahhhh!
She swerves the bus and ends up crashing it into the Vietnam Wall memorial.
[Washington DC Gym]
Chef: Damn man. This is the bigtime alright.
Stan: Chef, we're hungry.
Chef: You can eat after the game. You children win this one and you're national champions. Then you
can go on and play the Chinese.
Cartman:
My mom says there's a lot of black people in China.
Chef: What?
Referee approaches.
Ref:
Are you Chef?
Chef: Yea.
Ref:
The Washington team has forfitted the game. Congradulations, you're national champions.
Chef: What? We did it! Children we won!
Stan: Wow!
Kyle: That was easy.
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen let's hear a round of applause for the new national champions of
dodgeball, The South Park Cows!
Crowd boos
Stan: [To one of the kids on the other team]Hey, why did you guys forfit?
Kid:
You mean you don't know?
Kyle: Know what?
Kid:
Last year's national champions were the Austin Pirates. They played China for the world
championship. Only 4 of them came back alive. Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us.
Shot of Chinese kids
A Chinese guy is saying something in Chinese to the kids
Kid:
They do nothing but dodgeball. Day in and day out. They use steroids and training equipment to
make them not kids, but animals.
Shot of Chinese kids in a line for a steroid shot. Some other Chinese kids are seen throwing a
1000 lb weight. Then another shot of kids in a line each taking a heave weight ball, throwing it at a wall
and breaking the wall.
Kid:
Well good luck, we've got our futures to think about.
Chef: Ok children, back in the bus.
[Cut to Commercial]
[South Park Awards Ceremony]
Mayor: [on a podium as usual]: And so as we have this honorary dinner, we take a look back at Nurse
Gollum, and the brave life she has lived. Roll the tape please Mr.Garrison.
Nurse Gollum sitting next to Stan's mom is horrified
Nuse: Oh no!
A movie starts out. The screen says "Pictures of Courage. A film by Mr.Garrison." A song starts
playing with some man singing. While he sings there are shots of nurse Gollumn painting a house,
looking pissed through the window, reading something, in a grocery store with a shopping cart, pissed off
again trying to cover the camera with her hand, pissed even more at the post office, head shot pissed
even more, and shocked sitting on a toilet in her bathroom.
Man Singing: You've got the strength, you've got the courage. Even with a dead fetus on your head.
Carry on! You fight for tomorrow! Dead fetus you know, you never let go. You're my conjoined twin dead
thing hanging off your head woman.
Screen says "Fin'"
Some people are heard crying in the back.
Officer Barbrady:
Oh that was so touching.
Mayor: And now friends, it's time to present lifetime conjoined twin achievement award. This award goes
to outstanding conjoined twins who have made a mark on society. And the winner is.....
She opens the envelope.
Nurse: [To herself]: Nurse Gollum.
Mayor: Nurse Gollum!
Nurse: Oh boy.
Everyone cheers
Jimbo comes up to the mic
Jimbo: Excuse me Mayor, but I just received some news that you might all be interested in. Our South
Park cows have just beaten the Washington dodgeball team, and are on their way to the world
championship in China.
Everybody cheers again
[School Bus]
Chef: Ok children. Now we're almost to China. I want you all to try and focus on the game.
Stan: But Chef we don't wanna play the Chinese!
Chef: Nonsense! If we win this one, we're world champions.
Kyle: But we could get killed!
Chef: And just what price would you pay for you trying to blow it. Just imagine and big yellow dodgeball
champions bear hanging in the cafeteria. Imagine it!
Stan: Dude Chef has lost it.
Chef: You'll be on the news all over the world. South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at. Ooh
children, it'll be glorious.
Cartman:
So, Captain Ahab has to get his whale, huh?
Kyle: Dude what does that mean?
Cartman:
I don't know.
Stan: Hey isn't that kid Kevin Chinese?
Kyle: Yeah you're from China.
Kevin: No I'm from America. My parents are Chinese.
Stan: Tell us how the Chinese play dodgeball!
Kevin: I have no idea dude.
Cartman:
Come on rice picker!
Chef: Hey, hey, hey! Children, that's not cool. You don't make fun of somebody because of their
ethnicity.
Stan: You don't?
Kyle: But Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people.
Chef: No, no, no, no ,no, that's different. I made fun of them because they are from China. You see it's
not ok to make fun of an American because they're black brown or whatever. But it is ok to make fun of
foreigners because they're from another country.
Kids: Ooooh.
Cartman:
Oh alright.
Kevin: Yeah.
Bus stops in front of Chinese gym
Ms.Crabtree: Ahhhhh!
[Chinese Gym]
Announcer says something in Chinese
Short announcer:
Let the world champion of dodgeball be decided.
Some Chinese guy hits the gong, and Chinese girls play some music
Stan: Damn dude, China's fucked up.
Chinese Ref: Take places.
Chef: Alright lets go cows. Let's show em what we got!
Short Announcer:
Ok Tom looks like the Americans are getting ready to play. I don't supposed
they'll have any problem seeing the ball with their BIG American eyes.
Both laugh
Tom: Yeah good thing they have those big eyes so they don't have to rely on that amazing American
intellect
Both laught again
Chinese Ref: Pray bra!
A picture of Mao Zedong is seen hanging on top of the gym
A Chinese kid knocks down one of the South Park kids
Chef: Holy crap.
A Chinese kid hits Kyle in the face, and then in the nuts
Kyle: Ooh. Yahhh.
Kyle falls on the ground in pain
Chef: God damn!
Short announcer:
Hey, hey, what do you call a white American person with a PHD in physics and
math?
Tom: I don't know, wrat?
Short announcer:
Stupid American!
Both crack up
Another Chinese kid throws a ball at Cartman. Cartman tries to escape by running, but he isn't
fast enough
Cartman:
Eeeeeeeaaaaaahhh!
He gets hit and bounces away
Tom: Oh, another American is down. It's number, oh I don't know. All Americans look alike.
Both laugh
A Chinese kid throws the ball at Kenny, and knocks him flat dead against the wall
Crowd cheers
Stan: Oh my god! They killed Kenny.
Kyle: [Lying on the floor in a high voice] You...bastards...
Short announcer:
Oh my, I haven't seen an American die like that since Abraham Lincoln!
Tom covers up the mic
Tom: Dude that is not cool. You're gonna get us into trouble again.
[South Park Town Square]
Mayor: [At her usual podium] Ladies and gentlemen on this 4th day of cojoined twin myslexia week all
our prayers are with our little South Park cows now playing their hearts out in China.
Crowd cheers
Mayor: Now join me in saluting our cows and help make Nurse Gollum not feel like an outcast with our
first official conjoined twin myslexia hats!
A man starts walking around passing out head bands with "Go Cows!" written on them and a pink
baby attached on the side. Everyone starts putting them on.
[Chinese Gym]
Short announcer:
And there is only one more Chinese player left. Still all Chinese players. This
simply all is very sorry.
Pip is the only one left holding the ball.
Chinese kid: Come on! Throw ball!
Tom: Hey you want to head my impersonation of American?
Short announcer:
Yeah, yah.
Tom: Ok.
He widens his eyes
Tom: Hey, I really, really want that. That hurts good.
Both crack up
Short announcer:
Hey hey hey. Let me try, let me try. [Mocks an American] I'll use my credit card.
Both are laughing hysterically
Tom: [Mocking an American] Do you have any non dairy creamer?
Both are still laughing very hard
Short announcer:
[Also mocking an American] You all come back now, you hear?
Both laugh so hard they fall off their chairs
On the bench Chef is sitting with some injured kids
Chef: Oh, what have I done.
Cartman sits next to him eating something
Chef: You know Eric, I just realized something. I've been obsessed, and an obsession isn't good. If we
had won the world championship, what then? It would only be a bigger let down next year if we didn't win.
Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball.
Cartman continues to eat
Chef: Our lives were fine before.
Cartman farts and airs it out with his hand.
Chef: Oh I'm sorry children, I let it all go to my head. Can you evern forgive me?
Kids stare blankly at him
Chef: Come on. Forget this stupid game. Let's go home.
Chinese kid: Come on, throw ball!
Kevin approaches one of the Chinese kids
Kevin: Hey if you want to make him throw the ball, say this.
He gives the Chinese kid a piece of paper.
Chinese Kid: [Starts reading] Hey you American dumbass, you French piece of crap, throw ball. What's
the matter Frenchie, you got crepes in your ears.
Chinese kids laugh
Pip:
AHHHH!
He turns pink, and starts spinning around
Chinese kids gasp
Pip throws the ball and starts kicking major ass. He knocks down all the Chinese kids.
Tom: And the winner is South Park cows.
Pip runs up to Chef and the other kids
Pip:
Everyone, everyone look! I won the game! We're world champions! Mr.Chef, Mr.Chef, South Park
is the world champion in dodgeball. Oh glorious day!
Chef: Shut up Pip.
Stan: Yeah, shut up Pip. Can we go home now?
They walk away
Pip:
Did you all see? I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm. It was...
Chef and kids: SHUT UP PIP!
[Cut to Commercial]
[South Park Town Square]
Mayor: As our myslexia awareness week draws to a close, I would like to personally thank all of you for
your enthusiastic cooperation.
Crowd cheers
Mayor: Now let's head it one more time for our world champions South Park Cows!
Kyle: What the hell is everyone wearing on their heads?
Mayor: And now, let's hear from the woman of the week, the incredible, courageous, Nurse Gollum!
Nurse steps up to the podium
Kyle: AHH!
Stan: Dude it's the freak nurse!
Cartman:
Holy crap!
Sheila: Damn it Kyle. We've been working all week against that kind of behavior.
Kyle: Well sorry dude, we weren't here.
Nurse: Thank you mayor. I ah, well I don't know what to say. This has been quite a week.
Sheila: [To herself] She's really touched.
She gets a hankerchief out
Nurse: What I really wanna say is, well this may sound off coming from woman with a fetus sticking out
of her head, but you're all a bunch of freaks!
Crowd is silensed
Mayor: Uh, freaks with big hearts! And now..
Nurse: Don't you realize that the last thing I ever wanted was to be singled out? I just wanted to do my
job, and live my life like any normal person, but instead you've made everybody focus on my handycap all
week long. Look I don't wanna be treated different. I don't wanna be treated special or treated gingerly, I
just wanna be ridiculed, shouted at and made fun of like all the rest of you do to each other. And take
those stupid things off your heads!
Principal Victoria:
[To Sheila] Oh my what an ungrateful bitch.
Sheila: Yeh, the nerve of some people.
Kyle: Hey you know that nurse is actually pretty cool.
Stan: Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter.
Cartman:
I love you guys.
Stan and Kyle stare at him
Cartman:
Ah, screw you guys.
[fin]