Icebreaker for communication classes
First, have the class pair off with another person that they do not know....then they
engage in five exercise for one minute each (some have two turns).
1. Have them face each other and communicate absolutely nothing for a minute........I
don't make them wait a whole minute, it is absolutely painful for them.....usually 40
seconds is enough to make them squirm...and we then discuss how they felt, if they
actually could communicate nothing, etc.
2. Have them face each other....one person is person A, who is to be bright, charming, full
of energy, and talk about whatever they want to for one minute. Person B is to ignore
person A for one minute. Then have them switch roles....after they have both taken a turn,
we debrief what it feels like to be ignored, or to be the ignorer.... discussing social
politeness etc.
3. Same format as #2 with person A as bright, charming, etc... but now person B is going
to interrupt person A as frequently as possible, and try to change the subject as frequently
as possible. Switch roles, and then debrief. Was it hard to carry on a conversation when
you were being interrupted? How did you feel? Did you find yourself following the other
person instead of doing the talking? How did the interrupter feel?
4. Same format again, but now person A will be bright, charming, etc.... while person B is
going to be an attentive listener…they should hang on person A's every word, be excited
when A is excited, serious when A is serious, etc. Then switch roles and discuss comfort,
how it felt to be listened too, and how it felt to listen.
5. Both partners should both be bright, charming, etc...and talk about whatever they want
to talk about when they are speaking, but when they are listening, they should be
attentive listeners. (I let this exercise go for two minutes usually) Debrief how they
felt...usually they say this is the least contrived, most fun, and most natural...even though
they often say it is still not natural. I ask them one final question: which exercise was the
longest? Overwhelmingly, they answer number one....even though it was 40 seconds vs.
two minutes. We then discuss that, and also discuss how we meet people who interrupt
ignore, are good and bad listeners, and that we in fact can do all of these behaviors
ourselves.
CHAPTER 1
I. INTRODUCTION TO INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
A. Communication Is Important
B. We Communicate to Satisfy Needs
1.
Physical needs
2.
Identity needs – gain identity by the way we are treated
3.
Social needs
a)
Pleasure
b)
Affection
c)
Companionship
d) Escape
4.
e)
Relaxation
f)
Control
Practical goals
a)
Instrumental goals
(1) Get others to behave in ways we want
(2) Career success
b)
Maslow’s basic needs
(1) Physical
(2) Safety
(3) Social
(4) Self-esteem
(5) Self-actualization
II. THE PROCESS OF COMMUNICATION
A. Linear View
1.
Sender
2.
Encodes
3.
Message
4.
Channel
5.
Decodes
6.
Receiver
7.
Noise - external
III. Transactional View
1.
Environments
2.
Noise
a)
External
b)
Physiological Psychological
c)
Transactional communication is with others
d) Definition
IV.
COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLES AND MISCONCEPTIONS
A. Communication Principles
1.
Communication can be intentional or unintentional
2.
It’s impossible not to communicate
3.
Communication is irreversible
4.
Communication is unrepeatable
B. Communication Misconceptions
1.
Meanings are not in words
2.
Successful communication doesn’t always involve shared
understanding
3.
More communication is not always better
4.
No single person or event causes another’s reaction
5.
Communication will not solve all problems
V. THE NATURE OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
A. Two Views of Interpersonal Communication
1.
Quantitative—
a) looks at number of participants
b) dyadic
2.
Qualitative
a)
Uniqueness — rules and roles
b)
Irreplaceability
c)
Interdependence
d) Disclosure
VI.
e)
Intrinsic rewards
f)
Scarcity
SOCIAL MEDIA & INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
A.
Benefits
1.
Offers opportunities for creating and enhancing social ties
2.
Minimizes differences of race, gender, etc. because of text-only
feature
3.
Can make communication easier and more frequent
B.
a)
Accommodate busy schedules
b)
Sometimes easier to share personal information when not faceto-face
Challenges
1.
The Internet is forever!
2.
Can reduce quality of interpersonal communication
3.
“Leaner” messages (messages without nonverbal cues)
4.
Allows interactants to manage own identities and construct false
ones
5.
Disinhibition
a) Sharing personal information that shouldn’t be shared
b) Cyber-bullying
VII. COMMUNICATING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
A.
Content messages: the content of the subject being discussed
B.
Relational messages: deal with social needs (control, affection, etc.)
1.
affinity: degree of liking for the other
2.
immediacy: degree of interest/attention we feel for the other
3.
respect: degree of esteem we feel toward the other
4.
control: degree to which we have power over the other
C.
Metacommunication: communicating about communicating
1.
messages about the verbal & nonverbal dimensions of the
relationship
2.
Example: “I don’t like it when you talk to me in that tone of voice.”
3.
Example: “I’d like to think we can have a permanent relationship.”
VIII. COMMUNICATIONS COMPETENCE
A.
What is competent communication?
1.
No “ideal” or “best” way to communicate
2.
Competent communication is dependent upon the situation: good
communication in one setting may be poor communication in
another
3.
Competent communication is dependent upon the relationship:
good communication in one relationship may not work in another
4.
Competent communication can be learned
B.
Characteristics of competent communicators
1.
can choose their actions from wide range of behaviors (say
nothing…respond assertively…joke…etc.)
2.
can choose most appropriate behavior (know what will work best in
given situation, with given individual)
3.
skillful at performing behaviors
4.
have cognitive complexity (ability to consider situation from a
multitude of viewpoints)
5.
have empathy
6.
are self-monitoring
7.
have commitment (care about other person as well as the message)
CHAPTER 2
I. COMMUNICATION AND THE SELF
A. Definitions
1. Self-concept: The relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of
yourself
2. Self-esteem: the part of self-concept that involves evaluation of your
self-worth
B. Biological and Social Roots of the Self
1. Biology and the self
a. Personality
(1) characteristic ways of thinking and behaving
(2) tends to be stable throughout life…part of genetic makeup
b. Biology account for possibly half of some communication-related
personality traits
c. “Big Five” Personality Traits
d. Traits are matter of degree, NOT “either-or”…also can be modified
by learning
2. Socialization and the self-concept: how others shape how we see
ourselves
EGO-BOOSTER/BUSTER EXERCISE
a. Reflected appraisal: self-concept developed as a reflection of how
we think others see us
b. Social comparison: self-concept developed by way of how we
compare ourselves with others
(1) superior
(2) inferior
(3) same as or different from others
C. Characteristics of the Self-Concept
1. The self-concept is subjective
a. Obsolete information
b. Distorted feedback
c. Emphasis on perfection
d. Social expectations
2. The self-concept resists change
a. Cognitive conservatism: tendency to hold to an existing selfconcept
a. Failure to acknowledge change
b. Self-delusion and lack of growth
c. Defensiveness
D. Influences on Identity
1. Culture
a. Individualistic
b. Collectivistic
2. Ethnicity
3. Sex and gender
E. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
1. Definition: when a person’s expectations of an event make the event
more likely to occur than would otherwise have been true
2. Types
a. Self-imposed
(I’m so stupid…I’m going to do great on this test…This is going to be a
bad day)
b. Imposed by others
(You’re just like your brother…She’s a “slow learner”)
3. Influence
a. Improve relationships
b. Damage relationships
F. Changing Your Self-Concept
1. Have a realistic perception of yourself
2. Have realistic expectations
3. Have the will to change
4. Have the skill to change
a. seek advice
b. watch how others handle themselves
II. COMMUNICATION AS IDENTITY MANAGEMENT
Identity Management: communication strategies we use to influence how
others see us
A. Public and Private Selves
1. Perceived self (reflection of self-concept…who you perceive yourself
to be)
2. Presenting self (public image…AKA “face”)
B. Characteristics of Identity Management
1. We strive to construct multiple identities depending on context
2. Identity management is collaborative: we construct our identities in
response to others’ behavior
3. Identity management can be deliberate or unconscious
4. Identity management varies by situation
5. People differ in their degree of identity management (self-monitoring)
C. Why Manage Impressions?
1. To start and manage relationships
2. To gain compliance of others
3. To save others’ face
4. To achieve relational goals (affiliation, control, respect)
D. How Do We Manage Impressions?
1. Face-to-face impression management
a. Manner
1) Words
2) Nonverbal behavior
b. Appearance
c. Setting (physical items to influence how others see us: car, big
house, room color, etc.)
2. Impression management in mediated communication
E. Impression Management and Honesty
CHAPTER 3
I. THE PERCEPTION PROCESS
A. Selection (what impressions we will pay attention to)
1. Factors that influence selection
a. Intense stimuli
b. Repetitious stimuli
c. Contrast or change in stimulation
d. Motives
B. Organization
1. Figure—ground organization (What stands out? Why?)
2. Perceptual schema (how we organize our impressions of others)
a. Appearance
b. Social roles
c. Interaction style
d. Psychological traits
e. Membership
3. Stereotyping
a. exaggerated generalizations
b. tend to seek out behaviors that support our inaccurate beliefs
4. Punctuation
a. determination of cause(s) & effect(s) in a series of interactions
b. shows that disputes look different to each person
C. Interpretation: how we interpret an event in one way or another
1. Degree of involvement with the other person
2. Past experience
3. Assumptions about human behavior
4. Attitudes
5. Expectations
6. Knowledge
7. Self-concept (how secure/insecure we feel)
8. Relational satisfaction (how happy we are with the relationship)
D. Negotiation
1. as people influence each others’ perception and try to achieve a
shared perspective
2. narratives: the stories we tell to describe our personal worlds
a. when narratives clash, can hang onto own point of view
b. or try to negotiate a shared narrative
II. INFLUENCES ON PERCEPTION
A. Physiological Influences
1. Senses
2. Age
3. Health
4. Fatigue
5. Hunger
6. Biological Cycles
B. Cultural Differences
1. Language translations
2. Value of talk
3. Nonverbal behaviors
4. Ethnicity
5. Geography
C. Gender Roles: socially approved ways we’re expected to behave)
1. masculine
2. feminine
3. androgynous (combines masculine & feminine)
4. undifferentiated (neither masculine nor feminine)
D. Occupational Roles
D. Self -Concept
1. Judgments of others
2. Judgments of self
III. THE ACCURACY—AND INACCURACY—OF PERCEPTION
A. We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than Others
B. We Pay More Attention to Others’ Negative Characteristics
C. We Are Influenced by the Obvious
D. We Cling to First Impressions
E. We Tend to Assume Others Are Similar to Us
IV. PERCEPTION CHECKING
A. Elements of Perception Checking
1. Describe behavior
2. Interpret behavior two ways
3. Request clarification
B. Perception-Checking Considerations
1. Completeness
2. Nonverbal congruency
3. Cultural rules
a. Low-context cultures (language is most important; favors
directness)
b. High-context cultures (context is most important; favors
indirectness
PERCEPTION-CHECKING EXERCISE
V. EMPATHY AND COMMUNICATION
A. Definition
1. Empathy—ability to re-create another’s perspective; to experience the
world through another’s point of view
a. Perspective taking: an attempt to take on another’s viewpoint
b. Emotional dimension: an attempt to experience another’s feelings
c. Genuine concern for another’s welfare
2. Sympathy—compassion for another’s predicament from your point of
view
B. The Pillow Method—A Tool for Building Empathy
1. Position One: I’m right, you’re wrong
2. Position Two: You’re right, I’m wrong
3. Position Three: Both right, both wrong
4. Position Four: The issue isn’t as important as it seems
5. Conclusion: There is truth in all four perspectives
CHAPTER 4
I. COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONS
A. Physiological Factors (proprioceptive stimuli: internal sensations such as
clenched jaw, stomach butterflies, etc.)
B. Nonverbal Reactions
C. Cognitive Interpretations (how we interpret our emotional state from the
physical symptoms we experience)
D. Verbal Expression
II. TYPES OF EMOTIONS
A. Primary and Mixed Emotions
B. Intense and Mild Emotions
III. INFLUENCES ON EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION
A. Personality (example: extraverts tend to be more positive, introverts
tend to be more negative)
B. Culture
1. certain base emotions experienced worldwide
2. different events generate different responses from culture to culture
3. cultural background influences how we interpret others’ emotions
C. Gender
1. women tend to be more expressive of feelings
2. women also more sensitive to others’ emotions
3. difference in power leads less powerful (women) to learn how to
“read” emotional signals better
D. Social Conventions
1. U.S., generally discourages open expression of emotion
2. expression of affection toward friends differs between cultures
3. expression of emotions shaped by social position
E. Fear of Self-Disclosure
G. Emotional Contagion
1. our feelings are influenced by feelings of those around us
2. “infectious” emotions
IV. GUIDELINES FOR EXPRESSING EMOTIONS
A. Recognize Feelings
B. Expand your Emotional Vocabulary - think about how to express your
feelings
1. Avoid emotional counterfeits (I feel like going out to eat doesn’t really
express an emotion)
2. Express yourself verbally
a. Use single words (depressed, curious, lonely)
b. Describe what’s happening to you (my stomach is tied in knots)
c. Describe what you’d like to do (I want to run away)
3. Avoid minimizing feelings
4. Avoid coded feelings (indirect…I wonder if you might have the time to
stop by this weekend instead of saying I really need to see you)
5. Focus on a specific set of circumstances, NOT the whole relationsip
C. Share Multiple Feelings
1. often we’re feeling more than one emotion at the time
2. learn to express all the emotions you’re feeling
D. Recognize the Difference between Feeling, Talking and Acting
E. Accept Responsibility for your Feelings
F. Consider When and Where to Express your Feelings
“FEELINGS VOCABULARY” EXERCISE
V. MANAGING DIFFICULT EMOTIONS
A. Facilitative Emotions (contribute to effective functioning) and
Debilitative Emotions (detract from effective functioning)
1. Difference in Intensity (anger vs. rage)
2. Difference in Duration (normal sadness vs. depression)
B. Sources of Debilitative Emotions
1. Genetic makeup
2. The amygdala “fight or flight” response
3. Emotional memory (PTSD)
C. Beyond Neurobiology
1. how we think affects how we feel
2. what we believe about an event affects how we feel about the event
3. how we interpret the event affects how we feel about the event
D. Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions
1. Fallacy of perfection
2. Fallacy of approval
3. Fallacy of shoulds
4. Fallacy of overgeneralization
a. Limited amount of evidence
b. Exaggerated shortcomings
5. Fallacy of causation
a. Believe you cause emotions/pain for others
1) Fail to have your own needs met
2) Begin resenting others
3) Others can’t trust you
b. Believe others cause your emotions
6. Fallacy of helplessness
7. Fallacy of catastrophic expectations (“awfulizing”
D. Minimizing Debilitative Emotions
1. Monitor your emotional reactions
2. Figure out what activating event triggered your response
3. Record your self-talk on paper (journal)
4. Dispute your irrational beliefs: what internal statements are based on
mistaken thinking?
CHAPTER 5
I. LANGUAGE IS SYMBOLIC
A. Natural world: signs have direct connect with things they represent
(smoke=fire)
B. Human language: symbolic…completely arbitrary connection
II. UNDERSTANDINGS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS
A. Understanding Words: Semantic Rules
1. Equivocal Language (more than one definition, which can lead to
misunderstanding)
a. Family Catches Fire Just in Time
b. differing understandings of what words mean (“love”)
c. Can be useful when you want to employ tact (“That’s an
interesting shirt”)
2. Relative language (meaning created through comparison…small, fast,
warm, etc.)
3. Static evaluation (people are consistent & unchanging: “Bill is an
angry guy”… “Sally is uncooperative”
4. Abstract Language
a. High abstraction advantages
1) allows for “verbal shorthand” (I appreciate the help rather than I
appreciate your doing the dishes and sweeping the floor for me)
2) allows for vagueness in order to avoid confrontation and/or
embarrassment
b. High abstraction problems
1) Stereotyping
2) Creating confusion
B. Understanding Structure: Syntactic Rules
1. govern a language’s grammar
2. some groups/co-cultures create different syntactic rules (I be bad)
C. Understanding Context: Pragmatic Rules
1. govern how speech operates in everyday situations
2. unstated
3. helps us determine how to interpret a message (Example: context &
manner help us understand if someone is teasing or serious)
II. THE IMPACT OF LANGUAGE
A. Naming and Identity
1. personal preferences
2. cultural/ethnic preferences
B. Affiliation, Attraction, and Interest
1. Convergence (adapting speech style to match others’)
2. Divergence (speaking to emphasize differences from others)
3. Liking/interest
a. Demonstrative pronoun choice (“we” “us”)
b. Sequential placement (which name comes first in a sequence
usually indicates degree of liking: Bill & Bob vs. Bob & Bill)
c. Negation (Saying “I don’t mind it” is less positive than “I like it”)
d. Duration (length of time spent discussing a subject indicates
interest in the subject)
C. Power
D. Disruptive Language
1. Fact-opinion confusion
2. Fact-inference confusion
3. Emotive language (announces the speaker’s attitude)
E. The Language of Responsibility
1. “It” statements (avoid responsibility for ownership of a message)
2. “But” statements (tends to cancel the thought before it)
3. Questions vs. statements
4. “I” and “You” language (“You” statement can be indirect, implied)
a. “I” language
1) Describe the other’s behavior
2) Describe your interpretation
3) Describe your feelings
4) Describe consequences the other person’s behavior has for you
b. Advantages of “I” language
1) Accepts responsibility
2) Reduces defensiveness
3) is more accurate
c. Reservations about “I” language
1) Anger can restrict you
2) Other can still gets defensive
3) Can sound artificial
5. “We” language
1) Can signal inclusion and commitment
2) Can speak improperly for others
“LANGUAGE MAKES A DIFFERENCE” EXERCISE
III. GENDER AND LANGUAGE
A. Content
1. Some common topics (work, movies/TV)
2. Talk about sex restricted to same gender
3. Many topics vary by gender
1) women: personal/domestic issues, relationships, health
(weight/appearance), clothing, men, other women
2) men: music, current events, sports, business, other men
B. Reasons for Communicating
1. Men and women - build and maintain social relationships
a. Men use more joking and good- natured teasing
b. Women focus more on feelings, relationships, personal problems
2. Women—nourish relationships
a. Support
b. Equality
c. Keep conversation going
d. Express empathy
3. Men - accomplish tasks
a. Accomplish jobs
b. Control
c. Preserve independence
d. Enhance status
C. Conversational Style
1. Men judge, direct, and make references
2. Women more questions, emotional references, uncertainty
contradictions
3. Accommodation
a) women tend to accommodate to the subjects men raise
b) topics raised by women seen as tentative
D. Nongender Variables
1. Occupation
2. Social philosophy (feminists tend to speak longer; orientation toward
problem-solving)
3. Gender Roles (masculine, feminine, androgynous)
V. LANGUAGE AND CULTURE
A. Verbal Communication Styles
1. Direct/indirect (low-context and high- context cultures)
a) low-context: clear, direct expression; meaning is in the words
b) high-context: meaning lies in the context in which message is
delivered (nonverbals, history of relationship)
2. Elaborate/succinct
3. Formality/informality
B. Language and World View
1. Linguistic determinism (Sapir-Whorf hypothesis): the world view of a
culture is shaped and reflected by their language
2. Linguistic relativism: more moderate view…language exerts a strong
influence on perceptions
CHAPTER 6
I. NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
A. Importance - emotional impact
B. Definition: Messages expressed by nonlinguistic means
II. CHARACTERISTICS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
A. Nonverbal Skills are Important
B. All Behavior Has Communicative Value
1. Deliberate
2. Unintentional
C. Nonverbal Communication Is Primarily Relational (affinity, control,
respect)
1. Identity management
2. Definition of relationships we want with others
3. Conveyance of emotion
D. Nonverbal Communication Serves Many Functions
1. Repeating
2. Substituting
3. Accenting
4. Regulating
5. Complementing
6. Contradicting
7. Deceiving – leakage (signals of deception)
E. Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous
1. What does a smile mean? A touch? A wink?
2. NVLD: Nonverbal learning disorder
a. created by processing deficit in right hemisphere
b. difficulty making sense of nonverbal cues
IV. INFLUENCES ON NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
A. Gender
1. Physiological differences (height, depth of voice, etc.)
2. Social (females tend to be more reserved, more nonverbally
expressive, better at reading nonverbal cues)
3. Cultural norms (eye contact, touch, distance)
B. Culture
1. Gestures have differing meanings
2. Distance
3. Eye contact
V. TYPES OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
A. Body Orientation: how we stand with other people
B. Posture
1. Forward/backward lean
2. Tension/relaxation
C. Gestures
1. Illustrators: accompany speech (pointing)
2. Emblems (stand for)
3. Adaptors (direct response to environment, such as fanning yourself
when it’s hot) (manipulators: self-touching behaviors)
D. Face and Eyes
1. Complexity
2. Speed: usually last about 5 seconds
3. Microexpression: very quick, fleeting expression
4. Kinds of messages
a. Involvement/avoidance (meeting glance/looking away)
b. Positive/negative attitude
c. Dominance/submission
d. Interest (pupil dilation)
E. Voice (Paralanguage): Tone, Speed, Pitch, Volume, Number and Length
of Pauses, Disfluencies (uhh, umm, er, etc.)
F. Touch
1. Increases liking
2. Increases compliance
3. Connected to health
G. Physical Attractiveness
H. Clothing
I. Distance (proxemics)
1. Intimate
2. Personal (18” to 2’)
3. Social (4’ to 12’)
4. Public (more than 12’)
“DISTANCE MAKES A DIFFERENCE” EXERCISE
J. Territoriality
K. Physical Environment
L. Time (Chronemics)
CHAPTER 7
I. LISTENING IS IMPORTANT
A. Most Frequent Communication Activity
B. Valued Relational Skill
C. Important to Career Success
II. ELEMENTS IN THE LISTENING PROCESS
A. Hearing - Physiological
B. Attending - Psychological
C. Understanding — Making Sense
D. Responding - Observable Feedback
E. Remembering – Recalling
Ill. THE CHALLENGE OF LISTENING
A. Types of ineffective listening
1. Pseudolistening
2. Stage Hogging
3. Selective Listening (responding only to what interests you)
4. Insulated Listening (failing to acknowledge what you don’t want to
hear)
5. Defensive Listening (take comments as personal attacks)
6. Ambushing
7. Insensitive Listening (respond to superficial content, missing
emotional information)
B. Why we don’t listen better
1. Message Overload
2. Preoccupation
3. Rapid Thought
4. Effort
5. External Noise
6. Hearing Problems
7. Faulty Assumptions
8. Lack of Apparent Advantages
9. Lack of Training
10. Media Influences
C. Meeting the challenge of listening better
1. Talk Less
2. Get Rid of Distractions
3. Don’t Judge Prematurely
4. Look for Key Ideas
IV. TYPES OF LISTENING RESPONSES
A. Prompting: encouraging
B. Questioning: clarifying
1. Avoid counterfeit questions that…
a. trap the speaker
b. make statements
c. carry hidden agendas
d. seek “correct” answers
e. are based on unchecked assumptions
2. Ask sincere questions
C. Paraphrasing: reflecting understanding
1. Factual information
2. Personal information
a. Change the speaker’s wording
b. Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about
c. Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks
3. Remain tentative
4. Use sparingly
a. If the problem is complex enough
b. If you have necessary time and concern
c. If you are genuinely interested in helping
d. If you can withhold judgment
e. Make paraphrasing proportional to other types
D. Supporting: expressing solidarity
1. Types
a. Agreement
b. Offers to help
c. Praise
d. Reassurance
e. Diversion (“let’s take a walk and clear our minds”)
2. Potential problems
a. Deny others the right to their feelings
b. minimize the significance of the situation
c. focus on “then and there” rather than “here and now”
d. cast judgment
e. defend yourself
3. Guidelines
a. You can support without approving
b. Monitor other’s reaction to your support
c. Remember that support not always welcome
E. Analyzing: interpreting speaker’s message
1. Be tentative (Perhaps…Maybe…)
2. Make sure your analysis has a chance of being correct
3. Make sure the other is receptive
4. Make sure your motivation is really to be helpful
F. Advising: offering a solution
1. Be accurate
2. Be sure other is ready to accept
3. Best if blame is not likely
4. Deliver supportively, in a face-saving manner
G. Judging: evaluating
1. Be sure judgment is asked for
2. Be genuinely constructive
H. Choosing the best listening response: be sure yu consider…
1. Gender
a. women tend to offer support
b. men tend to offer advise, or try to divert the topic
2. The situation
3. The other person
4. Your personal style
CHAPTER 8
I. RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
A. Why We Form Relationships
1. Appearance
2. Similarity and complementarity (when each partner’s characteristics
satisfy other’s needs)
3. Reciprocal attraction (attracted to those who are attracted to us)
4. Competence
5. Disclosure
6. Proximity
7. Rewards
II.
MODELS OF RELATIONAL DEVELOPMENT AND MAINTENANCE
A. Developmental Models
1. Initiating
2.`Experimenting
3. Intensifying
4. Integrating
5. Bonding
6. Differentiating
7. Circumscribing
8. Stagnating
9. Avoiding
10. Terminating
B. Dialectical Perspectives
1. Dialectical tensions
a. Connection vs. autonomy
b. Predictability vs. novelty
c. Openness vs. privacy
2.
Managing dialectical tensions
a. Denial
b. Disorientation
c. Alternation
d. Segmentation
e. Balance
f. Integration
g. Recalibration
h. Reaffirmation
C. Characteristics of Relational Development and Maintenance
1.
Relationships are constantly changing
2.
Relationships are affected by culture
III.
COMMUNICATING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
A.
Content vs Relational Messages
1. Content = the subject
2. Relational=shows how the parties feel about each other
B.
Types of Relational messages
1. Affinity : how much we like each other
2. Immediacy: how much interest & attention we pay to each
other
3. Respect: how much esteem we hold for each other
4. Control: how much we can influence one another
C.
Metacommunication: communication about communication
CHAPTER 9
I. INTIMACY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
A.
Dimensions of Intimacy
1.
Physical
2.
Intellectual
3.
Emotional
4.
Shared activities
B.
Intimacy styles
1.
Masculine
a) Relative lack of self-disclosure
b) Tendency to “do” to show caring
c) Sees sex as a way to create intimacy
2.
Feminine
a) High self-disclosure
b) Focuses on feeling as a way to show caring
c) Sees sex as a way to express intimacy
C.
Cultural Influences
1. Collectivist cultures tend to have strict rules for expression of
intimacy in relationships
2. Individualistic cultures tend to make fewer distinctions between
personal and social relationships
D.
Intimacy in mediated communication
1. Intimacy can develop more quickly
2. Relative anonymity provides freedom of expression
3. Cyber-relationships
II. COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES
A.
Characteristics
1. Formative: messages we receive as children stick with us
2. Role-Driven
a) Norms: mother, father, sister, brother, etc.
b) Labels
c) Sibling relationships
3. Involuntary: you can’t choose your family
B.
Family Systems
1. Interdependent
2. Manifested through communication
3. Nested: subsystems (mother-father, child-child, mother-child, etc.) &
extended families
4. More than just a collection of individuals
C.
Modes of conversation (how they communicate)
1. Conversation orientation: willingness to discuss a range of topics
2. Conformity orientation: how strongly a family enforces conformity to
beliefs, values, attitudes
3. Family communication patterns
a) Consensual: high in conversation and conformity orientation
b) Pluralistic: high in conversation orientation, low in conformity
orientation
c) Protective: Low in conversation orientation, high in conformity
orientation
d) Laissez-faire: low in both orientations
III. COMMUNICATION IN FRIENDSHIPS
A.
Types of friendships
1. Youthful vs. mature
2. Long-term vs. short-term
3. Relationship-oriented vs. task-oriented
4. High-disclosure vs. low disclosure
5. High obligation vs. low obligation
6. Frequent contact vs occasional contact
B.
Sex, Gender, and Friendship
1. Same -sex friendships
a) Men tend to create closeness through shared activities
b) Women talk about personal matters as a measure of closeness
2. Cross-sex Friendships
a) Potential for sexual attraction
(1) Can turn into mutual romance
(2) Strictly platonic
(3) One partner desires romance
(4) One partner rejects romance
3. Friends with Benefits
4. Friendship and Social Media (is a FB “friend” a real friend??)
IV.
COMMUNICATION IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
A.
Romantic turning points
B.
Conflict styles
1. Volatile
2. Avoidant
3. Validating
** Type of style isn’t as important as ratio of positive to negative
communication acts**
C.
Love language
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch
V. IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
A.
Commitment
B.
Maintenance and support
1. Positivity
2. Openness
3. Assurance
4. Social networks
5. Sharing tasks
C.
Social support
1. Emotional
2. Informational
3. Instrumental
D.
Repairing damaged relationships
1. Relational transgressions
a) Significant vs minor
b) Social vs relational
c) Deliberate vs unintentional
d) One-time vs incremental
2. Strategies for repairing
a) Talk about the issue
b) Take responsibility and express regret
c) Make restitution
d) Genuinely repent
e) Request forgiveness
CHAPTER 10
I. CLIMATE: THE KEY TO POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
A. Types of Confirming Messages
1. Recognition
2. Acknowledgement
3. Endorsement
B. Disconfirming Messages
1. Verbal abuse
2. Generalized complaining
3. Impervious responses
4. Interrupting
5. Irrelevant responses
6. Tangential responses
7. Impersonal responses
8. Ambiguous responses
9. Incongruous responses
C. How Communication Climates Develop
1. Escalatory conflict spirals
2. De-escalatory conflict spirals
II. DEFENSIVENESS: CAUSES AND REMEDIES
A. Causes: Face-Threatening Acts
B. Types of Defensive Reactions
1. Attacking the critic
a. Verbal aggression
b. Sarcasm
2. Distorting critical information
a. Rationalization
b. Compensation
c. Regression
3. Avoiding dissonant information
a. Physical avoidance
b. Repression
c. Apathy
d. Displacement
C. Preventing Defensiveness in Others
1. Evaluation versus description
2. Control versus problem orientation
3. Strategy versus spontaneity
4. Neutrality versus empathy
5. Superiority versus equality
6. Certainty versus provisionalism
III. SAVING FACE: THE CLEAR MESSAGE FORMAT
A. Behavior
B. Interpretation
1. Your past experience
2. Your assumptions
3. Your expectations
4. Your knowledge
5. Your current mood
C. Feeling
D. Consequence
1. What happens to you, the speaker
2. What happens to the person you’re addressing
3. What happens to others
E. Intention
1. Where you stand on an issue
2. Requests of others
3. Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future
F. Using the Clear Message Format
1. May be delivered in mixed order
2. Word to suit your personal style
3. Combine elements when appropriate
4. Take your time delivering the message
IV. RESPONDING NONDEFENSIVELY TO CRITICISM
A. Seek more information
1. Ask for specifics
2. Guess about specifics
3. Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas
4. Ask what the critic wants
5. Ask what else is wrong
B. Agree with the critic
1. Agree with the facts
2. Agree with the critic’s perception
CHAPTER 11
I. THE NATURE OF CONFLICT
A. Definition
1. Expressed struggle
2. Perceived incompatible goals
3. Perceived scarce rewards
4. Interdependence
5. Interference from the other party
B. Conflict Is Natural
C. Conflict Con Be Beneficial
II. PERSONAL CONFLICT STYLES
A. Nonassertive Behavior
1. Avoidance
2. Accommodation
B. Direct Aggression
C. Passive Aggression - “Crazymaking”
D. Indirect Communication
E. Assertion
F. Determining the Best Style
1. Situation
2. Receiver
3. Your goals
III. CONFLICT IN RELATIONAL SYSTEMS
A. Complementary, Symmetrical, and Parallel Styles
B. Intimate and Aggressive Styles
C. Conflict Rituals
IV. VARIABLES IN CONFLICT STYLES
A. Gender
B. Culture
1. Individualism versus collectivism
2. Low-context versus high-context
3. Ethnicity
4. Biology and environment
V. METHODS OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION
A. Win-Lose
B. Lose—Lose
C. Compromise
D. Win-Win
VI. WIN-WIN COMMUNICATION SKILLS
A. Identify Your Problem and Unmet Needs
B. Make a Date
C. Describe Your Problem and Needs
D. Consider Your Partner’s Point of View
E. Negotiate a Solution
1. Identify and define the conflict
2. Generate a number of possible solutions
3. Evaluate the alternative solutions
4. Decide on the best solution
F. Follow Up the Solution
VII. CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
A. Isn’t Win—Win Too Good to Be True?
B. Isn’t Win—Win Too Elaborate?
C. Isn’t Win-Win Negotiating Too Rational?
D. Is It Possible to Change Others?
1. Socialization
2. Situation