Interpersonal Relationships: Communication
September 8-9, 2011
I.
WELCOME, 15 mins.
Plan one to two icebreakers for the purpose of mixing around and getting group
participation or getting acquainted.
II. WORSHIP, 20 mins.
Prayerfully choose a few songs to lead people into God’s presence. During this time,
cell leaders will encourage cell members to listen to the Holy Spirit and release the
words of strengthening, encouragement, and comfort they have received for the
cell group, the church and nations. Upon each word shared, the cell leader will lead
members by thanking and praising God for His promise and/or praying aloud together
for the needs, etc.
III. WORKS, 20 mins.
During this time, the cell will break into groups of 3 to pray for the followings: (1)
the mission organization or daughter church adopted by the cell (2) the church
ministry needs as printed on Sunday bulletin (3) individual’s needs, new comers, the
sick, and blessings for one another.
IV. WORD, 35 mins.
Use the format of sharing & discussion to apply God’s word in our daily lives.
Discussion Topic: “Interpersonal relationship:
Communication”
Memory Verse: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should
be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because
human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
(James 1:19-20 NIV)
Reflection on the Words
A. Communication:
Listen and speak
“I want hamburger and milk, “ said a six-year-old child to the waitress.
However his mother completely ignored his request and said, “He wants a kid’s
portion meatloaf with salad.” “What do you want in your hamburger?” asked
the waitress. How surprised was the boy! He looked at her in bewilderment.
Finally excitedly he replied, “Ketchup!” After the waitress left, the boy turned
to his mother and said, “See! See! She thinks I am right.”
Discussion 1: In this example, what do you think are the problems with
communication between this mother and child?
In daily lives, communication with others is unavoidable. Good communication
will bring people closer together in their relationships. Poor communication on the
other hand may lead to alienation and breakdown in the relationships.
In terms of Scriptural teachings on communication—listening and speaking, the
book of James is one of the best. Let us use the book of James to investigate the
proper way for listening and speaking.
1.
Listening: James 1:19-20, 3:13, 17-18 (Please read the verses listed along with
the brief outline.)
2.
Speaking:
outline.)
James 3:3-12 (Please read the verses listed along with the brief
Discussion 2: For speaking and listening, which point do you most often neglect?
Wherever the apostles went, their message had always been “Jesus is the Lord and
the Christ.” Therefore, it is even more appropriate to call the book of Acts the book
of Jesus.
B. Mutual understanding
Good communication requires mutual understanding where what’s spoken is the
same as what’s heard. Hence:
1. The speaker must make every effort to make sure the meaning being
expressed has enough capability to convey the content of what he/she
desired to communicate. Although one cannot take the responsibility for
filtering or inference done by the listeners, one must not limit oneself in
thinking that “I have already expressed my message. If the other party
wasn’t able to receive the message, it is his/her problem. If there’s any
misunderstanding, it is his/her responsibility.”
2. The listener has the responsibility of double checking the message received
until his/she is sure that what he/she received really matches what the other
party has expressed. Good listeners will constantly check themselves to
see if they added their own personal opinions. They will continue to look
for more supplemental information and not let anything remain ambiguous.
It is probably assertive when a listener thinks/says “I don’t need more
clarifications. I already know what you mean and you do not need to
make any more explanations.”
C. Test to see how good do you communicate
The questions below can help you to test to see how clearly can you hear the
parts that speakers wanted to express and also to help you analyze how others
feel: (1 = Often, 2 = Sometimes, 3 = No comments, 4 = Occasionally, 5 =
Rarely)
1. I really care if others have bad assessment of me
1
2
3
4
5
2. I do not wish the other person to know when I
have feels of hate, impatience, or resentment toward
him/her.
1
2
3
4
5
3. I let my emotions stay in a state of sadness,
lamentations with regrets, discouragement, and
disappointment with self.
1
2
3
4
5
4. When someone comes to share my sadness,
lamentations with regrets, discouragement, and
disappointments with self, I always think that he/she
is going to give me some advice and guidance right
away.
1
2
3
4
5
5. If someone criticizes me, scolds me, or pokes at
my weakness, I will feel that I’ve been hurt greatly.
1
2
3
4
5
6. Even if I am definitely evaluating someone’s
behavior objectively, I still feel that I should not
criticize the person directly.
1
2
3
4
5
7. If someone does not like one part of me, I’d feel
that I’ve been rejected completely. If I feel that
someone is not satisfied with my work or
achievements, I’d feel as I’ve been fired.
1
2
3
4
5
8. When a person hears criticisms about him/herself,
he/she should feel that he/she is being rejected or
he/she is being hurt.
1
2
3
4
5
9. I have more negative emotions than others. I
wonder if I am normal emotionally when I’m like
this.
1
2
3
4
5
10. I do not have so much hate, unhappiness, hate,
or feelings of discouragement lie others. I am
really glad because of this reason.
1
2
3
4
5
Discussion 3: Please score yourself.
please share one of them.
If you are willing to share about your lack,
Our Response
Praise the Lord! Because of the complete love that You have bestowed upon us, we
can come before You without fear to get close to You and pray to You. You use the
revelation of Your words to allow me to understand Your will. May we also
communicate with others in love. May we listen quickly and speak slowly in
humility and gentleness so that every conversation/communication we have all have
positive results. May our relationships with family, coworkers, relatives and friends
be more harmonious such that all those we know that have yet to come to Christ will
thirst to come to know You and to accept You as their savior and God
Scripture verses and brief outline:
James 1:19-20, 3:13,17-18
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen,
slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the
righteousness that God desires. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let
them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from
reason. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then
peace-loving, considerate, submission, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and
sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteous.
1.
Quick to listen: Listen attentively.
speaker is trying to convey.
Hear the intent of the message that the
2.
Slow to anger: Hot-tempered people often are eager to reply before others
have finished talking. This can easily lead to misunderstanding on what others
are trying to convey. Also quick replies in anger can lead to frustrations on
both side.
3.
Doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom: A wise
and knowledgeable person will reveal his/her wisdom and knowledge on his
good deeds. He/she will also show an attitude of meekness that comes as a
result of wisdom. For example, Lord Jesus, who is the wonderful counselor
with true wisdom, is not proud or boastful but rather He is gentle and humble in
the heart (Matthew 11:29).
4.
The wisdom from God is pure and peace loving: (1)Thoughts, speech, and
actions are all pure. Faith and action should coincide with each other. There
should not any defilement in any areas of faith and virtue. (2)People of
wisdom love peace. They will endeavor to keep the peace if the principle for
purity is not violated.
5.
Considerate and submissive: Willing to submit under the guidance of the Truth
and remove stubbornness.
James 3:3-12: When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we
can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so
large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder
wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but
it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts
the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by
hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and
have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a
restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father,
and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of
the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not
be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers
and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt
spring produce fresh water.
1.
Bits: Bridle is a harness assembly that is placed over the heads of horses.
The bit is a small metal piece of this assembly that is placed in the mouth of a
horse. Connected to the bit are the reins. If a person can control the bit,
he/she can control the action of the horse to take him/her to his/her destination.
Similarly, the tongue can direct life either toward good or toward bad.
2.
Rudder: The rudder is indeed small. But with the turn of the rudder one can
control the direction of a boat. Hence through a small rudder, a person can
steer a big boat. Similarly, the tongue is only a very small organ that is
somewhat hidden. But it can lead to the accomplishment or destruction of
matters at hand. It can boast itself or can be gentle and humble.
3.
Fire: A spark can set the entire plain on fire. The tongue is like the fire in
that when it causes problem, the problem can continue to spread out just like a
fire.
4.
Sinful world: With the defilement of the world by sin, all of the people are
under the pain and suffering that comes with sin. Our lives are like wheels that
continue to turn. The tongue is like fire that can burn down our wheels of life
and cause us to be burdened for our entire lives.
5.
Restless evil: Although the wisdom that God has bestowed upon us allows us
to tames all sorts of things around us, we still cannot tame our own tongues.