The Spiritual Divorce Coaching Program
Coaching Outline - Session 6
Is This an Act of Faith or Is It An Act of Fear?
1. Profoundly Relate (1 minute)
2. Centering Exercise (1-2 minutes)
A. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Bring your attention to your body and
feel the weight of it in the chair where you sit. Allow yourself to become aware of
any tightness, stress, anxiety or tension that you’re carrying. Now take a deep
breath, tighten up your body and hold it all in for a few moments. Now release
your breath and at the same time allow your body to go limp and slack, completely
relaxing into your chair.
B. As you continue breathing easily, focus now on the sensations in your body,
feeling it tingle as you allow it to relax even more. (pause) Turn your awareness
to the thoughts and emotions that are present for you. Choose to simply be
informed by them – to observe without attachment or judgment of any kind. Just
watch the thoughts and feelings come and go.
C. With another breath, turn your attention inside and notice the level of your internal
flame. On a scale of 1 to 10, where is your flame now? Look back across your
past week and recognize one incident that diminished your flame? (pause) Now
look at your last week and acknowledge three incidents that nourished your flame.
Breathe deeply now and notice how your internal flame was affected by your work
this past week with the Law of Divine Guidance. Breathe into that.
D. Now, bring your attention into your heart, and with another deep breath, feel it
begin to open in preparation for our session today. Assure yourself that it’s safe
here in your place of internal wisdom. It’s safe for your heart to be open and for
your deepest faith, self-love and wisdom to emerge. As you breathe, imagine
surrendering, letting go, and dropping any thought any feeling any belief that
would separate you from what you came for.
E. As I ask the following question, allow yourself to hear an important message from
inside. What do you need to know right now in order to allow yourself to open up
to a new and deeper level of trust and faith in the Divine? Continue to breathe and
give yourself permission to hear whatever that is – even if it doesn’t seem to make
sense right away.
F. With one more slow, deep breath, allow that message to sink into every cell of
your body. Then feel a smile of trust and well-being begin to creep across your
face. And when you’re ready, float back up into the room where you sit and
gently open your eyes.
3. Prep Form Review and Check-in With Client (5 – 10 minutes)
4. Distinction: Is this an act of Faith or is it an act of Fear? (10- 15 minutes)
A. In our last session, we discussed the Law of Divine Guidance. To briefly review,
this Law states that God – however you choose to define that power – will do for
you what you cannot do for yourself. Faith assures you something outside of
yourself is always guiding and supporting you.
B. Often the ego-self wants us to try to be in control of everything in our lives – to be
the General Manager of the Universe – and in doing so creates a sense of
disconnection or separateness from the Divine. Yet we can choose to
acknowledge that we are expressions of the Divine in human form and trust that
there is some greater plan or purpose beyond what our human selves can
comprehend. The Law of Divine Guidance helps us to tap into the faith that
affirms there is good in our present circumstances even though we may not see it
at the moment. Miracles can show up in our lives when we are trusting in Divine
Guidance and are open to receiving them. What have you noticed shifting for you
this past week as you worked with the Law of Divine Guidance? (pause and
discuss)
C. We’re going to continue this conversation by introducing another Right Question
which will be an important tool for you to use so that you can fully apply the Law
of Divine Guidance. I would assert that this question – concerning the distinction
of faith and fear – is one of the most important of the entire Spiritual Divorce
process. If you develop your faith and learn to trust in the Divine Guidance, your
life will be forever changed. You’ll feel supported in all your life circumstances
and have the confidence to go for what you most want. Faith will also support you
in making peace and being okay with all of your emotions. Whether you’re
experiencing fear, sadness, desperation, or other, faith will assure you that even in
the midst of these emotions; your life will turn out exactly as it needs to be.
D. Remember, we introduce and use these Right Questions to support the Spiritual
Laws of Divorce. In the last two sessions, we focused on the Laws of Surrender
and Divine Guidance. As Debbie Ford says in the chapter on Faith or Fear in her
book The Right Questions: “To surrender affirms that we trust in a higher power
to tend to our needs and guide us in a direction of pure heart’s desire. Surrender is
an act of faith; it’s a gift that you give yourself. Its saying, ‘Even though I feel
scared or I’m not sure where I am going, I trust that all will turn out in my highest
and best interest.’ ”
E. Every important choice we make in our lives is guided from one of two places:
either it’s an act of faith or an act of fear. We’re either listening to the voice of
fear within us or the voice of faith. This Right Question – “Is this an act of faith
or is it an act of fear?” – is a perfect follow-up to the Law of Divine Guidance
because, in order to make choices that are rooted in faith, we must trust that there
is an unseen benevolent force that is guiding us. With faith, we have the courage
to open the door to a new future. As we do, new ideas, resources and avenues
seem to suddenly appear. Can you recall a time or times that you’ve acted from
faith and felt divinely guided and supported? Can you remember of a time when,
even though you felt scared, you chose from faith and got through the situation?
(pause and discuss)
F. Faith reassures us that there is something outside of ourselves that is guiding and
supporting us. As children, we existed in a state of hope, possibility, excitement
and trust that we would be taken care of. We had an inherent faith in the
benevolence of the Universe. But for most of us, after a few years of
disappointment and heartbreaking experiences, our innate sense of faith became
clouded by fears. Fears are made up of anger, pain, worries, resentments and
emotional distress. We may feel we are out of control or that we may lose
something important or feel something we don’t want to feel. But rather than
trying to get rid of, deny or shut down our fears along with all of the underlying
emotions that we may be afraid to feel, we can bring faith and divine guidance to
them. (pause and check-in)
G. As humans, most of us misplace our faith. We’ve been trained to have more faith
in our fears, our past, our pain, and negative beliefs than we do in our innate right
to be happy. We misplace our faith by believing that our fears are the truth. We
might have faith in the fear that we’ll end up as a victim once again or that we’ll
get hurt or that life won’t work out for us. We don’t trust that our needs will be
met or that we’ll have everything that we want. When we place our faith in our
fears, we remain closed down and shut off from the very things we desire the
most. Can you see where you have made you fear the truth or where you fears
have been out of balance with your ability to trust? (pause and discuss)
H. Fear keeps us rooted in the past and leaves us with few options. Our fears, when
they are not counter balanced with faith, tell us to play small, stay safe and hold on
to habits and behaviors even when they no longer serve us. Fear of the unknown,
fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of not having enough, fear of not being
enough, fear of the future, fear of feeling certain feelings – all these fears and
more keep us trapped, repeating the same old patterns and making the same old
choices over and over again. It’s nearly impossible to heal our hearts and manifest
a new vision for our lives as long as our choices only arise out of fear.
I. What would be available to you if you could balance your fears by choosing to
look at your life through the lens of faith as well? What might happen this week if
you gave time to both faith and fear? What would be possible if your voice of
faith could speak to your voice of fear and say, “I get that you feel scared, but
trust, just trust that it will work out in your highest and best interest”? What
thoughts would you have then? (pause and discuss)
J. So this week I’m going to invite you to ask yourself over and over: “Where is my
faith right now?” I want you to notice if your faith is in your fears – if you’re
placing your faith in the idea that you’re not going to get what you want. Or if
you’re placing your faith in the perfection of the universe – the faith that you will
be guided to the circumstances that will give you exactly what you need. If you
allow it, faith acts as the floor beneath your feet, giving you security and assurance
in the knowledge that you’re never alone.
K. In a moment, we’ll do an internal exercise to explore the fear and faith and how
they influence your life. Do you have any questions before we begin?
5. Internal Exercise (15 - 20 minutes)
A. Close your eyes and take a few slow easy breaths. I’ll start this internal exercise,
by reading you a poem by the great Persian poet Rumi as translated by Coleman
Barks. This poem really captures the concept of welcoming and being okay with
all of your emotions while still having faith that everything is as it should be. It
offers the assurance that all of your past experiences, and all your emotions are
exactly as they should be. So use these few moments to open up more fully to the
Laws of Acceptance and Surrender. Breathe in the knowing that when you live
inside of Acceptance and Surrender, you can naturally feel and experience the
Law of Divine Guidance. So listen closely and continue to breathe easily and
deeply as I read this poem.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
(Take a slight pause after the poem and then move into the Internal Exercise
without any other conversation)
B. As you breathe, take a moment to become present to your life as it exists today.
Continue to breathe gently and feel your body getting softer and heavier. (pause)
Invite all of your feelings to be here. Allow yourself to simply experience any
tensions, feelings and anxieties that are present right now. (pause) Allow any
feeling you have ignored or suppressed to become present in this moment. Invite
any anger and sadness, or joy and peace. Just for this moment, be willing to have
them all and feel them all. (pause)
C. As you become present to the make up of your emotional world right now, allow
the feelings to become more intense. Allow yourself to feel the full extent and
range of your emotions. If you’re feeling anger, allow yourself to feel it as rage, if
you’re feeling happiness, allow yourself to feel bliss. Breathe again and affirm it
is your right to have the full range of these feelings. Give yourself full permission
to have and experience any emotions that come to you. Open up to the idea that
they are just visitors here to support you in cleaning your internal world. Breathe
into all of this. Take another deep breath. Tell yourself that you don’t need to be
afraid of these visitors. Affirm that there is no reason to be afraid or to hold on.
D. Notice how you feel right now. Breathe into your heart and tell yourself that it’s
okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. (pause) What feelings are there? What
feelings are the most prominent? Take another breath and tell me, “What are the
feelings and emotions that are visiting you right now?” (pause) Now make a few
notes about what’s there.
E. Now, with another deep breath, imagine giving these feelings a voice. These
feelings are here to speak to you, to communicate vital information. Allow
yourself to hear what these feelings are saying to you and share that with me.
(pause) Make a few notes about what your feelings are saying to you.
F. Now take another deep breath and imagine that your voice of fear is responding to
these feelings. Your fear is voicing its opinion. What does your does your “voice
of fear” want to say to all of these feelings? (pause) Breathe into whatever you
hear, and when you’re ready make a few notes about your voice of fear.
G. Take another deep breath. Now imagine that your only job is to have compassion
and understanding for the feelings and emotions you experience. Your job is to
stand in faith; to accept and hear even the feelings you wish weren’t there, the
ones you judge, or those you’re uncomfortable with. If you trusted that Rumi’s
view is correct, and the feelings are just here as a guide from beyond, what would
you say to them? (pause) If you had faith that these feelings didn’t define you,
but were simply visiting your internal home, what would you say to them? What
does your voice of faith have to say to all of these feelings? (pause) Write it
down.
H. Now reflect on your relationship with your partner and all the fears, worries,
concerns and feelings related to this situation and relationship. What are the
feelings that are most prevalent for you when you think about this situation?
(pause)
I. Take another breath, if you were to simply allow these feelings to come and go
without judging them, hating them or denying them, what would be available to
you? If you had absolute faith and simply accepted your feelings for what they
are, what would be different in your life and circumstances? Make a few notes.
J. Now take another deep breath and look around all of the areas of your life. Where
else do you experience feelings that you judge as negative and need to accept?
(pause) What are the feelings? As you get it write it down.
K. What does your voice of fear say about these feelings and these areas of your life
that you judge as negative?
L. If, you were to simply allow the feelings about these other areas of your life to
come and go without judging, hating or denying them, what would be available to
you? If you stood in absolute faith and listened to the feelings in these other areas,
what would be available to you? Make a note of it.
M. Take another deep breath and notice where in your life you currently live from the
voice of faith. With another deep breath, notice where in your life the voice of
fear dominates you. (pause) What does the voice of faith have to say about the
areas where fear currently dominates you? Write it all down.
N. Now take another deep breath and gently ask yourself “What can I do this week to
bring more faith to my life?” What specific action step could you take or what
practice could you begin this week to cultivate more faith in your life? Breathe
into that.
O. Take another nice deep breath and deeply acknowledge yourself for opening up to
your feelings, and for exploring your faith and fear today. (pause) Acknowledge
and thank yourself for the courage you’ve shown and the work you’ve done.
Breathe it all in. (pause) Then with your next breath, gently start to float back up,
out of your internal world, into the chair where you sit. When you’re ready, open
your eyes.
6. Check-in, Review and Acknowledgement (3 minutes)
7. Homework (2 minutes)
A. Actions & Practices
1) From the Internal Exercise, take the action or begin the practice that will
support you in cultivating more faith in your life.
2) Finish up anything that is incomplete for you from the past few weeks.
3) Continue with monitoring and nurturing your internal flame.
B. Dwelling & Journaling
1) Dwell in the Right Question, “Is this an act of faith, or is this an act of fear?”
See if you can catch yourself and become aware of the ways that you allow
fear to make decisions for you or influence the choices you make. Notice
where fear is out of balance with your faith.
2) Begin to identify the thoughts, behaviors, habits, excuses and internal
dialogues you have that are not based in faith and then recognize what would
be possible if they were balanced with faith. As you do this, make a list of at
least 10 things you notice that are influenced or driven by fear. For each on,
consider what would be possible for you in your life or relationships if you
were to balance them with faith.
3) Write down a negative judgment or belief that you hold against your unwanted
emotions.
a. If you knew that all of these emotions were holding a priceless gift for you
in the future, what would be the benefit of experiencing them now?
b. What would be the benefit of allowing them to pass through you now?
c. If instead you want to hold on to your emotions and are not willing to let
go, what do you receive from that choice?
d. If you are willing to let go of your emotions, what do you receive from this
choice?
e. If you do not feel ready to experience and let go of your emotions right
now, what do you need to do between now and our next session to get
yourself ready to do that? Your challenge is to come to our next session
with the willingness to allow all your emotions to come, be experienced
and then let go.
C. Reading
Read Chapter 12, “Is this Act of Faith or Is it an Act of Fear?” in The Right
Questions.
D. Prep Form
Complete and return your Session Prep Form at least 12 – 24 hours prior to your
next scheduled coaching session.
The Spiritual Divorce Coaching Program
Coach Notes - Session 6
Is This an Act of Faith or Is It An Act of Fear?
Coach’s Notes: In this session the client is introduced to another important
Right Question. If the client experiences resistance or reluctance in
embracing the Law of Divine Guidance, it is likely because they are looking
through the eyes of fear instead of the eyes of faith. In the session on the
Law of Divine Guidance, the initial focus was on whether the client was
experiencing separation rather than connection to the Divine. This question
of faith or fear is a great follow-up to the Law of Divine Guidance, as the
distinction of choosing to act from faith instead of fear will support the client
in being more consciously connected to the Divine.
1. Profoundly Relate (1 minute)
2. Centering Exercise (1-2 minutes)
3. Prep Form Review and Check-in With Client (5 – 10 minutes)
4. Distinction: Is this an act of Faith or is it an act of Fear? (10 – 15
minutes)
Coach’s Notes: It is important for the coach to emphasize that faith and
fear can co-exist. However, in any moment and with every action, the client
will have the choice of being guided by either faith or fear. They might feel
fearful that the love they knew is gone forever, but faith could tell them that
they will experience new love again.
One cannot embrace and integrate the Law of Divine Guidance while looking
only through the lens of fear. Using the Right Question of Faith or Fear will
support the client in staying open and surrendering to a higher power that’s
greater than the individual self. The intention for this session is to guide the
client to understand that their fear doesn’t have to overshadow their faith –
that instead they can actually use both. When fear is great or hurt is
traumatic, it can be difficult to find balance. Having access to faith as well
as fear will serve them greatly, yet either one out of balance can lead to
difficulties. This Right Question is a powerful and practical tool to support
the client in choosing to act from their Divinity in addition to their humanity.
Note that in this distinction, you do not want to make fear or, for that
matter, any feeling that the client may experience wrong. Fear, just like any
of our emotions can often serve us. One of the keys to success with this
coaching model is to make it safe for the client to feel all of their emotions,
including fear. As the saying goes, “You cannot heal what you cannot feel”.
The point is that even when they are plagued by fears, like in a time of
divorce or loss, they can still have faith that their life is somehow being
supported and guided by the Divine.
5. Internal Exercise (15 – 20 minutes)
As you guide the client through this exercise, be especially sensitive to the
pace and flow of their process. Though it’s not written into the outline, as
you go through the questions gently guide them to share the answers with
you, and to float up to take any notes needed, then return back down inside
again when they’re done.
6. Check-in, Review and Acknowledgement (3 minutes)
7. Homework (2 minutes)