Young Life – RUN-ONS
Run-Ons
Run-on’s are simply ongoing, weekly quick leader skits that bring in some tie of characters and
lines. They have also been called “interrupters”. Some focus in some way on selling camp;
however, it remains the primary purpose of the run-on to make kids laugh (hopefully laugh
hard) and enjoy themselves, along with focussing them up to the front of club. Young Life has
masterfully done run-ons throughout the past decades and we need to continue to do so.
All run-ons take lots of work to be excellent as well as creativity to make them a success. The
following is a list of principles to use as you create your run-on and then a list of characters
that may help you think of something workable. You can certainly make up your own new
ones.
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6.
Run-on Principles
Always leave them wanting more. Short is better than long every-time.
Use music to enter and exit characters. It should be loud and moving. You want kids to go
nuts when they hear the music begin.
Think through at least on “repeater” line that kids may pick up and say with the character.
Kids will use good lines later in school.
The opening line and the ending line will be the most important and should be consistent
each week. It will help you music cues and will help the run-on end. More often than not
the ending of the run-on kills the whole thing. Think about it, even Saturday Night Live skits
that fizzle at the end leave us a little depressed. A great ending will be looked forward to
and win every time. Begin with the end in mind!
High energy will always outlast low energy in run-ons. Yelling is fun! Screaming is fun.
Think high energy!
Consider Saturday night Live for a test case. What are the classic skits that repeat?
Cheerleaders, Mary Katherine, Hanz and Franz, etc. One key clearly seen on SNL is that
a key to humor is knowing Beginnings and Endings. Many times there are funny skits on
SNL; however, they struggle to end. Therefore, make sure you have great music to enter,
great music to exit, and consider that each routine should end with an action or a
repeatable tag line that everyone can follow. For example, the cheerleaders end with "the
perfect cheer", Mary Katherine "falls through something" and gets in a cheering stance,
Hanz and Franz will be back to "Pump you up". A great ending can cover a multitude of
sins.
1. Foible Award Or Geek Of The Week Run-On
Each week your resident geek comes out and gives an award to the kid who did the most
ridiculous thing during the past week. Kids turn in nominees at club the week before. Leaders
pick a winner and give them the Foil Ball award. They must carry it to school and bring it back
bigger next week. Make the kid a hero not a loser.
2. Scenes That Didn’t Make Star Wars Run-On
There is a movie director who comes in to music each week as the steady character (this
person needs to be funny). Each week they set the stage for a different scene that didn’t make
Star Wars. Examples:
 Jabba the Hutt, trying desperately to lose weight, meets Richard Simmons.
 Yoda abuses Luke by throwing things at him as he teaches Luke to Feel the Force. He
gives up and decides to teach Hooked On Phonics instead.
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 Darth Vader as a child gets abused for his costume on the playground, choke holds a kid,
and then gets sent to the principal’s office. This was the beginning of his asthma problem.
 Princess Lea confesses to Chewbacca that it is him she loves, not Han Solo.
 A video of the making of the special effects with dolls.
Possible script ideas…
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SCENES THAT DIDN’T MAKE STAR WARS RUN-ON
Episode I
GEORGE LUCAS: Hi, I’m George Lucas, writer and director of the epic STAR WARS films.
Recently, my latest installment in the saga, Star Wars: Episode 1 was released on video. So
now I’m also releasing a “special edition” of Episode 1. This “special edition” includes some
never-before-seen footage of the movie, which I wrote, but ended up getting edited out of the
film. Like this scene for instance:
Here we see our hero, the young Obi-Wan Kenobi. He has gotten separated from his group in
the palace and he’s trying to get back to his jedi master and the queen.
[enter Obi-wan] = good-guy theme music
Obi-Wan: (searching around) Queen Amidala? Master? Where are you? Mommy?
GEORGE: Then Obi-Wan crosses paths with the evil Sith Lord, Darth Maul
[enter Darth Maul] =bad guy theme music
GEORGE: and now begins another thrilling lightsaber battle that never made the final
production
[lightsaber battle ensues] =”duel of the fates” music
[during the battle, Darth cuts off Obi-Wan’s hand]
OBI-WAN: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
DARTH MAUL: Your master never told you what happened to your father….
OBI-WAN: He told me YOU killed him!!
DARTH MAUL: No. Luke, I am your father.
OBI-WAN: Luke? Who’s Luke? I’m Obi-Wan, and your not even old enough to be my father.
What’s the matter with you?
DARTH MAUL: Oh, sorry my bad, I thought you were someone else.
=ending theme music
[Darth helps Obi-wan up, as the ending theme plays, and they both walk out]
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SCENES THAT DIDN’T MAKE STAR WARS RUN-ON
Episode II
GEORGE LUCAS: Hi, I’m George Lucas, writer and director of the epic STAR WARS films.
Recently, my latest installment in the saga, Star Wars: Episode 1 was released on video. So
now I’m also releasing a “special edition” of Episode 1. This “special edition” includes some
never-before-seen footage of the movie, that I wrote, but ended up getting edited out of the
film. Like this scene for instance.
After Obi-Wan promises to train Young Anakin Skywalker in the Jedi arts, I shot this scene,
involving Skywalker’s first Jedi Training session.
Good guy theme
Enter Obi-Wan
OBI-WAN: Anakin? Anakin, come in here, its time to begin your training.
Anakin theme
Enter anakin
ANAKIN: sorry master, I was out pod racing.
OBI-WAN: A Jedi desires no such emotion, young apprentice.
ANAKIN: but I love it.
OBI-WAN: then you must Die!!!!
[lightsaber battle ensues] –“duel of the fates” music
[During the battle, Anakin cuts of Obi-Wan’s hand]
OBI-WAN: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
ANAKIN: your master never told you about your father did he
OBI-WAN: He told me YOU killed him!!!
ANAKIN: Luke, I am your father.
OBI-WAN: Luke? Who’s Luke? I’m Obi-Wan, and besides, your like 12 years old.
ANAKIN: oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else.
-end theme music
[Anakin helps Obi-Wan up and they both walk off while the end theme plays]
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SCENES THAT DIDN’T MAKE STAR WARS RUN-ON
Episode III
GEORGE LUCAS: Hi, I’m George Lucas, writer and director of the epic STAR WARS films.
Recently, my latest installment in the saga, Star Wars: Episode 1 was released on video. So
now I’m also releasing a “special edition” of Episode 1. This “special edition” includes some
never-before-seen footage of the movie, that I wrote, but ended up getting edited out of the
film. Like this scene for instance.
Here we see that loveable Jar Jar Binks in an unreleased scene with Queen Amidala. Jar Jar
gets into an argument with Amidala over the outcome of Anakins pod race on tatooine.
-Good guy theme music
JAR JAR: Meesa think that hism not going to win eh?
QUEEN: Where is your faith you stupid Gungan?!
-“Duel of the Fates” theme music
[Lightsaber battle ensues]
[Jar Jar’s hand gets cut off during the battle]
Jar Jar: noooooo! Yousa cut of meesa hand!!!!
QUEEN: your master never told you about your father did he?
Jar Jar: Heesa told me that yousa killed him!!
QUEEN: NO. Luke, I am your father!
JAR JAR: Luke? Whosa being Luke? Meesa Jar Jar Binks!! And yousa being a woman and
meesa being a gungan, yousa can’t be meesa father.
QUEEN: oh, sorry I thought you were someone else.
-end theme music
[The queen helps Jar Jar up and they exit as the end theme plays]
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3. Retainer Boy And The Evil Orthodontidists Run-on
Basic swanky 70s evil orthodontists only have 1 patient, retainer boy so each week Retainer
Boy comes in to give them some presents and try to make them like him. Instead they build
the retainer bigger and better each week (Nerf hoop, TV antenna) until he finally tears it off and
teaches them a lesson.
4. Impressions Of An Administrator Run-on
Great one if you have a good relationship with a principal, coach or a teacher, that the kids
would not suspect. You stop club and explain that although they may not know it, you actually
are very good at impressions and that some kids at club urged you to share this. You do your
best impression of the principal (teacher, whomever) and as you really ham it up, they walk in
behind you repeating what you say. You realize you have been set up and apologize, they pie
you in the face and walk out. Make them the hero.
5. Other Possible Run-on Ideas
Vikings, cheese-heads, cone-heads, evil Easter Bunny or Santa, captain champion, any spinoff’s of recent movies, TV shows, sale-person selling products, hapless scientists, magicians,
workout video hosts, spin-off of a daytime talk-show host with different guests, a professor who
comes in and reads goofy instructions, poems, deep thoughts, etc.
6. Poetry Corner Run-on
This is someone who comes in very seriously to read poetry, only the poem is from a song off
of the radio which has some goofy lyrics. The more you get into it the better.
7. Reggie Vego-matic Run-on
Materials: One box to fit over a person with a hole cut for a head to fit through with “slice, dice,
mix, and blend” written on it. Food materials
A salesman comes out and demonstrates the many uses for the “blender.” For example, the
salesman puts in a carrot, an apple and an onion. Each time he stops and samples the puree.
The salesman finally makes a milk shake with ice cream, milk and chocolate syrup. The
salesman takes this concoction and then drinks it, or plant someone in the audience to drink it.
8. Mr. Glove Run-On
Video-tape a glove as it explores a different adventure each week. Have Mr. Glove visit kids
houses that go to club. You can plant stuff in there desk (Barney video, New Kids on The Block
CD..ect) We had Mr. Glove go into a persons bathroom and accidentally drop tooth brush (look
alike) into the toilet. At the end of the run-on have camera show who Mr. Glove is (Principle is
the best of all scenarios.)
11. Spaz Boy Run-on
Someone dresses up in a crazy costume, possibly with a shirt that says, “Spaz-boy”. He runs
into club, around and over everyone, and runs out.
12. Hack-saw and Corn-bread Run-on
Two hillbillies Hack-saw and Corn-bread from Itchy Butt Arkansas come in each week and
perform amazing new games that they came up with which really aren’t that fun at all. In the
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end they think of something great which is probably something that you will do at fall or
summer camp.
13. Wee Man Run-on
Started with a leader who really liked quoting Top Gun. You know the scene where Goose
keeps correcting Maverick that "we" saw the MIG, etc? Well, we created Wee Man. He comes
out to do announcements, or just to give a weekly update of what he's been doing. Need two
people to pull this off each time. Make up fun conversations that contain many words with "we"
in them. The straight guy tells the majority of the story, but saves all the "we's" for Wee Man
(played a bit as a geek--funky clothes, etc.). Example: "So yesterday -we- didn't have much to
do, so -we- -we-nt out in the yard to -we-ed the flowerbeds. -We-ll, you'll never believe what we- saw!!..." Also works well if you follow up with "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". Invite Wee Man to
stay and lead the "Weee" section of the group!! Lots of fun. Takes a couple runthroughs before
club so you don't flub up.
14. Axel & Smash Run-on
Here is a fun run-on for club. Two leaders dress up as punk rock musicians with clothes and
long-haired wigs using toy guitars. When the music comes on (use hard/punk music) they
come dancing through the crowds with guitars in hand until they reach the front. When they
reach the front the music stops and the dialogue goes like this:
Axel: "Hi! I'm Axel!" Smash: "And I'm Kid Smash!" Axel/Smash: "And we're rock stars! We're in
a band, and we have friends who are going to rock this house!"
At this point the music comes on again and they begin to air band to the music. Another leader
starts to yell:
Leader: "Stop the music! You guys are a joke! You aren't even rock stars!" Axel/Smash: "We
aren't!?" Leader: "And you don't have a band!" Axel/Smash: "We don't!?" Leader: "And you
guys don't have any friends who are going to rock this house, and you won't either!"
Axel/Smash: "We won't!?" Leader: "No! Get out of here! You guys are a bunch of phonies!"
Axel and Smash start to leave and before they reach the end of the door, they turn around and
yell,
Axel/Smash: "Hey (Leader's name)! We'll be back!"
And then they go. We used this walk on 5 or 6 times during the beginning of year, and we set
up the final act for the last club of the year where we actually got a band together and had a
semi- concert/dance with songs like YMCA, Twist & Shout, Johnny B. Goode, etc. This was a
great way to end the last club!
15. Duct Tape Man and Side Kick Run-on
Wrap a jump suit, gloves, hard hat and boots in duct tape, or see Wireless One catalog for
duct tape apparel. You may either have something in club “accidentally” break each week, or
you can use it to sell camp. For example, the bus ride: duct tape man can explain how tough a
bus ride can be and tape an assistant to the seat, a pillow to their head to sleep, a water bottle
to their mouth, headphones to their head. He could help in future weeks with other aspects of
camp needing tape…car wash (hose, sponge, towel to assistant), old suitcase for packing,
water skis, volleyball. One way that it can be done is that instead of fixing anything Duct Tape
Man basically comes in and destroys what ever it is he is trying to fix – but leaves a ton of duct
tape all over it. You can also have a leader taunt him because he doesn’t actually fix anything.
16. Energizer Bunny Run-on
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Get a bunny costume and a big bass drum. Set the scene as a commercial. Lights on, a
scene of two couples drinking coffee at a table. One lady comments, “Gee, this coffee is
delicious.” Her husband says “Yes it is, could I have another cup?” “Why sure” she answers.
The thought of first women is done over a microphone: “That’s funny, Bill never drinks another
cup at home.” Just then the Bunny enters pounding on the drum. The bunny stops beats on
the table, knocks out the couple and drums off the set.
17. Fred Gimmel, Stuntmen/Stuntwomen Run-on
Each week these famous two stuntmen (Fred and Gimmel) enter to Kick Start My Heart by
Motley Crue, screaming and dancing around. They yell to the crowd, “Are we an acne
pimple?” They coach the crowd to yell back “NO!” “Are we Bryant Gumbel?” (NO!) “We
are…Fred Gimmel!” They scream again. They are stuntmen from camp to perform for the
kids. Each week they attempt a stunt, Gimmel injures a body part and flails on the floor and
yells, “Tape it, you gotta tape it!” While his partner Fred jumps in front and shuns the crowd
“No, I will not tape it! I will not let you go o ! It’s over! The stunt is over!” The leader tells
them it is over and to get off the stage. Each week when they come back Gimmel is more
bandaged up until by the last week he has a neck brace, leg wrap, and a backboard.
Stunts include: lifting 1500lbs. (Gimmel tears his colon-he gets a semicolon!); juggling knives
(cuts his tongue); parachuting into a glass of water (dummy off the roof); karate chopping a
board (smash plaster hand). The last club Gimmel can save the leader’s life.
18. News Show Run-on
Pattern it after Saturday Night Live news. You may have guest commentators. Make fun with
school events and happening around the school. Use copies of pictures on over-heads as
slides to commentate. You may even mock local newscasters.
19. Fish Man Here Run-on
Fish Man (swimming fins, mask, snorkel, wet-suit), enters to music and brings in his trusty
assistant (a large dead carp). He can help preview camp and use the fish to demonstrate all
that the kids can do this summer. Blob the fish (air pillow into a bowl of water), zip line the fish
(string on wire across room). You may even have him meet a lady-fish as well. We suggest
you use a fake fish.
20. Cheerleaders Run-on
Watch the Saturday Night Live cheerleader skit. They may cheer for people doing different
events at camp. Always end with a dance cheer like they do. Have a strong finish.
21. Loud Mel or Loud Sid Run-on
Sid or Mel is a lovable character with SAD (sound amplification disease) who interrupts tender
moments in club (like the leader wants to sing a serious song or share a poem-don’t worry, you
never get to share it_ because he is so loud). (All his movements are amplified by
microphone-like the Fly In The Library Skit). Each week he begs to stay, the leader lets him,
but eventually drives the leader crazy so he gets thrown out. Have him carry a briefcase with
things each week (eat a candy bar, clip toenails etc.)
22. Entertainers Run-on
Sal and Vin have dazzled crowds with their humorous spin-offs of ventriloquism, mime with
words, puppetry, magic, story-telling. You must have funny folks to pull this one off.
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23. Super Heroes Run-on
This is a good one if you have no leaders with talent; however, the workload is incredible.
Choose two leaders with opposite body types (one tall, skinny and one shorter and rounder).
Together they will form different tandems of super heroes listed below. Each week, an
appropriate villain (Joker or Penguin or Batman and Robin) enters and attempts to destroy
your camp mascot (some stuffed animal). Every time the villain arrives, the lights go out,
appropriate music comes on, and your heroes come out in strobe and beat up the villain. Use
Batman and Robin, Tarzan and Cheetah, Lone Ranger and Tonto, Captain Kirk and Spock,
Ninja Turtles. The last week, your villain comes in and tells the kids that he/she is tired of
getting beat up and will go to camp. The heroes come out and beat them up again.
24. Commercials Run-on
Each week take commercial breaks with you club sponsors. Use different commercial spoofs.
25. Time Travelers Run-on
This run-on requires some video expertise and ability to get awesome uniforms. Have two
good characters chasing a villain, who has stolen the camp deed, around through time. Each
time they get ready to catch him they end up in a different time zone instead. You may use
different movies clips like medieval period, Rome, the future. Does your school have a video
department? Some campaigner or student leader kids may be helpful to pull this one off.
26. Good Morning Young Life Videos Run-on (or Good Morning America)
Call parents ahead of time. Get to kids’ homes early and video tape them being woken up.
Show video in club. You may find it funny to mix in movie clips or use in conjunction with a runon. Classic mistake is making it too long. It should not last more than 1 minute per kid. Also
don’t forget a light for your camera! Be creative on who wakes them up (wake up fairy, your
run-on characters, a spin off movie character, etc.) Don’t expect the rooms to have good
lighting - they won’t. Use a sleepy-time bed head pajama character to sell, pajama’s with
footies and great patterns are funny, sleepy-time music is on any kids tapes. No real winner or
trophy needed to make this one a tradition, just remember, always leave them wanting more.
Ask them questions like...how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Then interview the person’s teddy bear, or try any approach that’s spontaneous and funny.
Responses from kids so early in the morning are bound to be funny.
Guidelines:
1. Warn the parents. They may think you’re crazy, but most parents respond favorably to
anything focusing some attention on their child.
2. Select young people who will respond appropriately. Shy kids will just hide under the
covers.
3. Make the most of the moment. Wake them up slowly, and have some fun before they are
fully conscious.
4. Take someone along to help. One of you can interview, and the other can work the
camera.
5. School days are better than holidays or weekends. They’ll have to get up early anyway,
and the freshness of the experience will help the word get out at school.
Don’t let the cat out of the bag. The only ones who should know anything about your plans are
staff and parents. Surprise is essential.
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27. Funk Master Daddy Run-on
Play Jungle Boogie by Kool And The Gang to interrupt club. Fink Master comes in dancing
when the lights are out and the strobe light comes on. The lights come on when the bass kicks
in and he dances his way to the front dresses in ultimate ‘70’s cloths. He says, “Peace, love,
power to the people, grooooovy!” with exagerated hand motions (repeater line). Then he says,
“I have traveled from afar and nobody can hang with me!” When he finishes, a different person
comes out dressed as a cowboy, rapper, etc. That person says, “I heard you say nobody can
hang with you, well hang with this!” Their country, rap, music plays again as he shoves Funk
Master around. When Funk Master hits the ground, Stayin’ Alive comes on and starts coursing
through his veins. He starts wiggling and moving and jumping around as he comes back alive.
Finally he dances out to the music.
28. Spike and Myron Run-on
Spike is the hard core black leather jacket thug. Myron is the nervous, unsure, nerdy character
that everyone feels sorry for each week. Myron comes in each week with a new costume/idea
that he is really excited about (Mr. Rogers or the Sesame Street theme song works fine).
Spike’s music comes on (Bad to The Bone/Welcome To The Jungle) and he picks on Myron
until finally he tells Myron to leave. As the run-on goes on Myron gets more and more abused
until finally he gets Spike in the end and comes out as the hero. The run-on can also build
until Myron becomes more and more liked until he finally tells spike off and comes out as the
hero. Myron can also be excited about different little crafts that he has been making each
week, which Spike comes in and crushes.
29. Ricky and Ricki Run-on
These are two guys who are twin brothers from different mothers. They are not so smart and
have crazy stories about growing up.
30. The Love Mechanic Run-on
The Love Mechanic is dressed up as a mechanic with tool belt, etc. He comes in and says
that he is The Love Mechanic and that, “I’m The Love Mechanic, and I’m just here to help.”
What happens is that students send (well not really, he makes them up) letters with love
problems and he then gives advise. For example, “Dear Love Mechanic, I have a really big
problem. My boyfriend, Jim Bob, went huntin’ last weekend and when he came back with his
deer, he wouldn’t let me gut it. What kind of a boyfriend doesn’t let his girl gut his deer? What
should I do? Betty Lou Magu.” To which The Love Mechanic gives his reply, “Dear Betty Lou,
Well, that’s a toughy, but I think I can help. You need to take a good look, Betty Lou, at Jim
Bob and see him for what he really is, A TURD, and you know what you do with a turd. You
FLUSH HIM! I’m The Love Mechanic. I’m just here to help.” He then leaves to his mechanic
music. Each week the boyfriend gets called a turd and the girlfriend is told to flush him.
7 "Love Mechanics" Scripts: The love mechanics can be male or female or both. In these
scripts, they were 3 males. Again, be gracious as you read them. If they are not helpful,
simply toss them. The concept is that they come into club each week to solve the audiences
"love quandaries" known by letter. The letters obviously poke fun of kids we know can handle
it. The solutions to their love quandaries are found in the minutes done as the conclusion.
LOVE MECHANICS #1
Joey, Danny (always eating food), and Toney….the Love Mechanics enter to "Love
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Machine"….dance in from different entrances…..Joey, Danny, and Toney LOVE themselves,
but they also love the crowd.
Joey: Good evening peoples, my name is Joey.
Danny: I'm Danny (mouth full of food)
Toney: I'm Toney…and we are
All together: The love mechanics…(music will punch again..dance 3 seconds…music off)
Joey: I must say that I heard that the people hear at young lives would be beautiful people but
my eyes are like dialated with the gorgeousness I see here tonight.
Danny: No doubt Joey, you people are like a jelly donut. (eating one)…sweet on the outside
but scrumptious in the middle…you know what I'm saying (eats more).
Toney: Now I know what you people are thinking, how could my $80 entry fee for tonights
club pay for such celebrities as the Love Mechanics. The truth is it didn't, and you will all get a
bill upon our departure.
Joey: Anyway, enough about you people, let me explain some basic ground rules of the Love
Mechanics. First of all, I know that you guys are thinking , "okay, this whole club is ruined…I
came here to meet that hot dish across the room, but how can I compete with Joey, Danny,
and Toney?"
Danny: That's ok…what you got is (Make quotes with hands) "STAR ENVY", that's o.k.
Toney: Let me help you with this. Ladies, these are good men here. You just have to forget
about us. We are forbidden fruit ok? We are not like you peoples with your married
relationships (the guy reading this had a girlfriend for 4 years of H.S. and gets made fun of all
the time for being married). We are men of many women, we are not into monotonous
relationships okay?
Joey: That's monagomous, not monotonous Toney. Anyway, what we are here to do is help
you all with your love quandries. So now, we will go to the Love Mechanics Mail Bag and pull
out a random letter from our audience.
Danny: (pulls letter out of mail bag…also finds some chips in there and keeps eating….hands
letter to Toney)
Toney: (reads letter) Dear Love Mechanics, I am deeply in love with a guy, I will call him J.A.
(real name was A.J.) to keep him anonymous. I am dying to ask him out but everytime I try he
is like catching a touchdown pass, kicking a field goal, or becoming homecoming king or
something. How can I learn to hold him down. Signed, Weeping in Worthington
Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Joey: Sioux City Falls, Idaho…1973? You remember?
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Danny: (shaking head yes)
Toney: (encouraging him to go there) Do it Joey!
Joey: Tonight, for those Weeping in Worthington, we present…"Girls Wrestle for Guys"
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….YOUR JOB IS TO
STAND ON THE BACK STAGE CORNERS AND COMMENTATE ON THE GAMES, GET
PEOPLE TO CHEER, INTERVIEW THE "LOSERS" AND TELL THEM HOW YOU LOVE
THEM….HAVE FUN WITH THEM.
WHEN MINUTES ENDS…WHEN STEVE DECLAIRS CHAMPION….ALL OF YOU BACK UP
FRONT OF STAGE WEEPING….
(weeping)….
Joey: I love that game! It makes my aorta swell with love every time.
Danny: You know it Joey, (touching just below rib cage) …you people get me right here. This
(touch belly button), this is that ho ho I just ate, but this (touch below rib cage again)…this is
love for you.
Toney: We have overloaded here today, this is like the 3 mile Island Chernoble of love…we
will see you next week on…
ALL TOGETHER….THE LOVE MECHANICS….
MUSIC ON…EXIT
LOVE MECHANICS #2
Joey: Good evening peoples, my name is Joey.
Danny: I'm Danny (mouth full of food)
Toney: I'm Toney…and we are
All together: The love mechanics…(music will punch again..dance 3 seconds…music off)
Joey: Peoples, I must confess, that I have a confession to make. Last week, I said that was
the most beautiful group of people I have ever laid ears on. I stand correctioned. YOU people
are are glowing tonight. You are the chernoble of love.
Danny: No doubt Joey, you people are swirled with sweetness like this cinnamon bun. (eating
one)…sweet on the outside but scrumptious in the middle…you know what I'm saying (eats
more).
Toney: Once again, we are here to fix your love quandries. Randomley plucked from the
hundreds of thousands of letters we have received just in the last 5 minutes. Danny you got
the letter?
Danny: (reaches in every pocket possible…just pulls food out of each as looks…finally unzips
jumper and pulls letter out of left side, hands to Toney…also finds some chips in there and
keeps eating….)
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Toney: (reads letter) Dear Love Mechanics,
ALL TOGETHER: THAT'S US! (pointing at each other)
Toney continues: My boyfriend used to be the starting quarterback at my high school until his
backup scored 4 touchdowns last week(did really happen that week, the starting QB and his
twin are two of the love mechanics). The night we were supposed to go to homecoming, he
came to pick me up but I wasn't ready yet. Doesn't he understand that I don't have the natural
beauty of the love mechanics and so I have to wear makeup sometimes? Signed… Desparate
and dating a twin.
(HANDS LETTER BACK TO DANNY, HE PUTS IT IN THE SAME PLACE HE GOT IT LAST
TIME)
Joey: Woah! That hurts…that guy must be the ugly twin if you know what I'm sayin. I mean
the doctor must have pulled him out, looked at both ends of him, and thought "twins"!
ALL: (ow! sting! laugh hard)
Danny: Yeah, he must be a real ZERO (holds up a ZERO candy bar and eats a piece)
ALL: (boom! ow! sting! laugh hard)
Toney: Yeah, like if he was any stupider, he would be so much more stupider!
ALL: (ow! sting! woah! laugh)
Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Joey: Tonight, we are having so much fun, we should do a bonus letter. Danny, may I have
the other letter?
Danny: (searches pockets quickly…hands Joey the same letter)
Joey: Thanks Danny, I guess I'll be the creative one(as if making it up) Dear Love Mechanics
ALL: That's us!
Joey (continues): My girlfriend dates the former quarterback of the football team until his
backup scored 4 touchdowns last week. She says I take too long to come out of the locker
room after the games. Doesn't she know how long it takes to get out of all those pads?
Signed Hopeless on Hard Road
Toney: Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Toney: Fargo, North Dakota …1976? You remember?
Danny: (shaking head yes)
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Joey: Tonight, for those Hopeless on Hard Rd, we present…"The Foot is on the other shoe
now. "
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….
Girls race to put on football pads and tackle a dummy while other girls makeup guys
blindfolded (Homecoming week)
IT ENDS…WHEN STEVE DECLAIRS CHAMPION….ALL OF YOU BACK UP FRONT OF
STAGE
(weeping)….
Joey: I love that game! My life has been climbing up to this moment, but it has peaked right
here.
Danny: You know it Joey, this was like stealing candy from a bank. Easy as cake.
Toney: We have stupified and amazed tonight. Just look at steve, he has a look of
stupidification right now….we must go before his life peakes too…We'll see you next week
on...
ALL TOGETHER….THE LOVE MECHANICS….
MUSIC ON…EXIT
LOVE MECHANICS #3
Joey: Good evening peoples, my name is Joey.
Danny: I'm Danny (mouth full of food)
Toney: I'm Toney…and we are
All together: The love mechanics…(music will punch again..dance 3 seconds…music off)
Joey: You know last week, my life peaked right here because of the beauty of the crowd in the
room. But this week, I am stunned beyond a new level of beautificy. You people are stunning.
Danny: No doubt Joey, you people are like the joy of a Tootsie pop. (eating one)…a shiney
rainbow of sugar on the outside, with the scrumptious surprise of a chocolate center…you
know what I'm saying (eats more).
Toney: Once again, we are not mathemeticians, we are not here to debate the buoyancy of
water under hydroelectric pressure. We are here to fix your love quandries. Randomley
plucked from the hundreds of thousands of letters we have received just in the last 5 minutes.
Danny you got the letter?
Danny: (reaches in every pocket possible…just pulls food out of each as looks… unzips
jumper and then finally realizes the letter is written on his own hand…holds his hand out to
Toney)
Toney: (reads letter off his hand) Dear Love Mechanics,
ALL TOGETHER: THAT'S US! (pointing at each other)
Toney continues: I am desperately in love with a 6'7" sophomore, lets just say his name
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rhymes with Scooby (we have a 6'7" center on the basketball team named Duby). Anywho, I
want to ask him out but I am intimidated by his fine dancing skills. Could you help me learn a
dance that would be fun and safe for us to do.
Signed, Pigeontowed from Perry
Joey: Woah! Can you imagine those two dancing. Her pigeontowed and Him bowlegged?
They would look like an eggbeater on the dancefloor! (ALL LAUGH …sting, zing, boom, ow)
Danny: Yeah, just watching that dizziness would make me blow chunky! (holds up a CHUNKY
candy bar and eats a piece)
ALL: (boom! ow! sting! laugh hard)
Toney: Yeah, like if he was any taller, he would be so much more taller!
ALL: (ow! sting! woah! laugh)
Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Toney: Meridian, Idaho …1979? You remember?
Danny: (shaking head yes)
Joey: Tonight, for those Pigeontowed from Perry, we present…"The Safety Dance"
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….
Skit is the back to back , balloon in between…spin and pop…last one's filled w/shaving cream
YOUR JOB IS TO STAND ON THE BACK STAGE CORNERS AND COMMENTATE ON THE
GAMES, GET PEOPLE TO CHEER, INTERVIEW THE "LOSERS" AND TELL THEM HOW
YOU LOVE THEM….HAVE FUN WITH THEM.
IT ENDS…WHEN STEVE DECLAIRS CHAMPION….ALL OF YOU BACK UP FRONT OF
STAGE WEEPING….
(weeping)….
Joey: I love that game! It makes me dizzy with love and solves my five oclock shadow as
well.
Danny: You know it Joey, these contestants are the best we have ever had.
Toney: We have never done that one…oh…well anyway…we will see you next week on…
ALL TOGETHER….THE LOVE MECHANICS….
MUSIC ON…EXIT
LOVE MECHANICS #4
Joey: Good evening peoples, my name is Joey.
Danny: I'm Danny (mouth full of food)
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Toney: I'm Toney…and we are
All together: The love mechanics…(music will punch again..dance 3 seconds…music off)
Joey: People, people, people! This week you have really outdone yourselves. I am blinded by
your beautifulness. You know what I love about these people Toney?
Toney: What do you love about these people Joey?
Joey: EVERYTHING! No really, I mean it. As my liver produces bile my heart produces love
for these people. You are the apple of my eye, you are the Abercrombie in my Fitch, you are
the LL in my Bean…..you complete me.
Danny: (tearing up) You had me at hello Joey, you people are like the joy of a spinning
lollipop. (eating one)…a dazzling array of movement, with the scrumptious surprise of lickable
joy…you know what I'm saying (eats more).
Toney: Once again, we are not politicians, we are not here to debate the school levy or the
effect of postmodernism after the Gulf War on UN policy. We are love mechanics, here to fix
your love quandries. Just remember as my friend Al Tennison onced said, "It is better to have
loved and lost, than never to have loved the love mechanics".
Danny: (weeping, blowing nose - tissues in bathroom) I loved that Al guy. But this next letter is
a heartbreaker. I have not read it yet, but I believe this man was under a lot of stress when he
wrote this. (hands Toney a letter written on a roll of toiletpaper)
Toney: (reads letter off toiletpaper) Dear Love Mechanics,
ALL TOGETHER: THAT'S US! (pointing at each other)
Toney continues: As you can tell by my letterhead, I have locked myself in the bathroom and
cannot find the courage to come out. I tried to pick up a girl last Saturday at the soccer game
but she just laughed at my pickup line. (joey interrupts)
Joey: What was his pickup line?
Toney: (pulls down the roll more as if more letter)… You may be wondering what my pickup
line was. I walked up to her and said, "Look honey, I may not be the most attractive guy here
but I'm the only one talking to you." Can you please help me….Signed. Trapped in the Toilet
Joey: Woah! This guy needs help, not to mention something to wipe with since he gave us the
whole roll of toiletpaper!(ALL LAUGH …sting, zing, boom, ow)
Danny: Yeah, what a nerd (pulls out nerd candy)ALL: (boom! ow! sting! laugh hard)
Toney: Yeah, like if his line was any stupider, it would be so much more stupider!
ALL: (ow! sting! woah! laugh)
Joey: This guy needs some tried and true pickup lines like: "Hi, I make more money than you
can spend" . .. Chicks love that one…
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Danny: Yeah, or how about : "Lets go down to the rockpile baby and get a little boulder"
Toney: Yeah, yeah…(excited, but still stupid)… Or what about…"Hi, the voices in my head
told me to come ask you out" ….come to think of it, that went over big at Bellvue Hospital.
Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Toney: Piqua, Ohio …"83? You remember?
Danny: (shaking head yes)
Joey: Tonight, for those Trapped in the Toilet, we present…"Pickup line training session"
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….YOUR
Pickup line fall through the couch minutes
STAND ON THE BACK STAGE CORNERS AND COMMENTATE ON THE GAMES, GET
PEOPLE TO CHEER, INTERVIEW THE "LOSERS" AND TELL THEM HOW YOU LOVE
THEM….HAVE FUN WITH THEM.
IT ENDS…WHEN STEVE DECLAIRS CHAMPION….ALL OF YOU BACK UP FRONT OF
STAGE WEEPING….
(weeping)….
Joey: I love that game! It reminds me of other pickup greats like…lets go down to the
darkroom baby and see what develops!
Danny: You know it Joey, how about…If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I
together…
Toney: Yeah… or how about …I've had all my shots…ok well anyway…we will see you next
week on…
ALL TOGETHER….THE LOVE MECHANICS….
MUSIC ON…EXIT
LOVE MECHANICS #5
Joey: Good evening peoples, my name is Joey.
Danny: I'm Danny (mouth full of food)
Toney: I'm Toney…and we are
All together: The love mechanics…(music will punch again..dance 3 seconds…music off)
THIS WEEK ALL THREE COME OUT WITH PAPER BAGS ON THEIR HEADS WITH EYES
AND MOUTH HOLES CUT OUT…
Joey: Good evening beautiful ladies and gentlemen. I am the unknown love mechanic #1.
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Danny: I am unknown love mechanic #2.
Toney: and I am unknown love mechanic #4
Joey: Before we begin, I must say that you people are more beautiful than a Beyoung Young
Kim fastball is to a New York Yankee. Really, they could drop you people into Kabul and the
Taliban forces would be struck down like an A bomb by your beauty. You know what I don't
like about you people?
Toney: What don't you like about these people unknown love mechanic #1?
Joey: NOTHING! No really, I mean it. As my pancreas secrets …pancreatic stuff so my heart
pumps love for you people. You are the apple in my jacks, you are the fruit in my loops, you
are the captain of my crunch …with crunchberries of course…..
Danny: I love the crunchberries Joey…..I mean unknown love mechanic #1
Toney: Now, I know what you peoples are thinkin. You want to know whether the love
mechanics under those paper bags are really Joey, Danny, and Toney… But you are also
thinkin that if it was, why would they hide such beauty under a brown fiberous façade…is it
them? is it not? is it them? is it not? The pressure is mounting like butter on a bald
monkey….
Danny: (cracks) I can't take it anymore….(tears off his bag)…is it you Joey? Toney? I'm dyin
here!
Joey: (both take bags off)…It's us….you all can rest once again in the gravitational pull of our
beauty. We are sorry to have duped you that way, but it was due to our last letter.
Toney: (reads letter off a paper bag) Dear Love Mechanics,
ALL TOGETHER: THAT'S US! (pointing at each other)
Toney continues: As you can tell by my letterhead, I have been wearing a paper bag on my
head for the last 2 weeks. I am a grocery bagger at the Hills market, and I wanted to propose
to a cashier, the love of my life. I decided to hide the ring in a paper bag and pull it out when
the time was right at her register, but I must have switched the bags with a customer. As I got
on my knee and asked for her hand, I pulled out a dozen eggs, a tube of Crest, and a pack of
chicklets. Why didn't I notice? Please help me…Signed Suffocating in a Sack
Joey: Woah! This guy needs help, I mean this guy is stupid. I mean this guy would buy an
inflatable dartboard. (ALL LAUGH …sting, zing, boom, ow)
Danny: Yeah, he is dumb enough to install an ejection seat in a helicopter!
ALL: (boom! ow! sting! laugh hard)
Toney: Yeah, like if he was any dumber, he would be so much more dumber!
ALL: (ow! sting! woah! laugh)
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Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Toney: Wapokeneta, Ohio …"88? You remember?
Danny: (shaking head yes)
Joey: Tonight, for those Suffocating in a sack, we present…"speed identification skit"
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….
IT is the Speed ID skit
YOUR JOB IS TO STAND ON THE BACK STAGE CORNERS AND COMMENTATE ON THE
GAMES, GET PEOPLE TO CHEER, INTERVIEW THE "LOSERS" AND TELL THEM HOW
YOU LOVE THEM….HAVE FUN WITH THEM.
IT ENDS…WHEN STEVE DECLAIRS CHAMPION….ALL OF YOU BACK UP FRONT OF
STAGE WEEPING….
(weeping)….
Joey: I love that game! But don't try it at home alone, you could suffocate under that bag.
Danny: You know it Joey, none of our games should be done without a safety net.
Toney: That's right, we are trained professionals here at Young Love
Joey: You mean Young Life
Toney: Yeah that too…so …we will see you next week on…
ALL TOGETHER….THE LOVE MECHANICS….
MUSIC ON…EXIT
LOVE MECHANICS #6 "Hic Night" - Wear Oversized Hats
DO WHOLE THING STILL IN NEW YORK ACCENTS…TRYING TO "SOUND" COUNTRY
BUT OBVIOUSLY BAD
Joey: Howdy buckeroos, my name is Joey Earp.
Danny: I'm Slim Jim Danny (mouth full of food)
Toney: I'm Toney the Kid…and we are
All together: The love hombres…
Joey: Before we begin on this Hic night, I must say you people make me wanna say Yee Haw.
I mean, you are the saddle on my horse, the 6 in my shooter, the Calvin in my Klein.
Danny: Joey, you are killin me with that country accent. If I closed my eyes, I would swear
I'm right next to Johnny Wayne himself. You know, the Fluke.
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Toney: That's the big Duke, Slim Jim. Anywho, we are just coming off the old trail from rough
riding with a bunch of yahoos and are here to help you yankees. Now we are not Doc
Hollidays. We are not here to heal you on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter. We are Love
Hombres, here to lasso your love cows and "steer" them in the right direction.
Danny: Very punny Tony the Kid…here is tonights letter from Redneck, Ohio. (pulls letter
from cowboy hat and hands to Joey.
Joey: (reads letter off a paper bag) Dear Love Hombres,
ALL TOGETHER: THAT'S US! (pointing at each other)
Joey continues: I went to my family reunion and fell in love Thelma Lou. She is a rich broad
with high-class tastes. Her house has more axles than my truck! I need me a high-class date
like bowling to impress her, but we ain't got no alleys close by. Can you help me? I have even
included her picture for your pleasure. (show picture to Danny)
Signed: Laneless in Lonleyland
Danny: Save the Alamo Tonto! She is one ugly broad. Her nostrils are so big kissing her
would be like pulling into a 2 car garage! (shows picture to Joey)
Joey: Well shave my head and call me baldy, what a body! If it wasn't for her Adam's Apple,
she wouldn't have no curves at all.
Toney: Yeah, like if she was any uglier, she would be so much more uglier!
ALL: (ow! sting! woah! laugh)
Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Danny: (eating and just lost…but shakes his head yes)
Toney: Grovetucky, Ohio …"88? You remember?
Danny: (shaking head yes)
Joey: Tonight, for those Laneless in Lonelyland, we present…"do it yourself bowling"
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….
Turkey Bowling
YOUR JOB IS TO STAND ON THE BACK STAGE CORNERS AND COMMENTATE ON THE
GAMES, GET PEOPLE TO CHEER, INTERVIEW THE "LOSERS" AND TELL THEM HOW
YOU LOVE THEM….HAVE FUN WITH THEM.
LOVE MECHANICS #7 Final Club
Danny comes out all bandaged up (neck brace, leg brace, etc) like he had been hit by a car.
Also, has only empty coolers and bags (all out of food)
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Joey: Hello peoples, my name is Joey, and my partners of course need no introduction.
Danny: So apparently we ain't going to get one.
Toney: None needed my friend, because we are the love mechanics
Joey: You people are dazzling. It's like Christmas morning in my heart lookin at you. You are
the fruit in my cake, the egg in my nogg, the jingle in my bells.
Danny: Unfortunately, being this is the last regular club of 2001, we are at the end of our love
mechanics contract. Besides that, I am all out of food here. Look at me, I'm emancipated
here.
Toney: That's emaciated Danny.
Danny: I know, I am just too weak from lack of calories. Look at me, I'm getting pale as a
piece of toast!
Toney: Pale as a ghost. Anywho, the fat lady is singing, and this is our last love mechanics of
the year. (as if the crowd is dying you are leaving). I know, I know, your life is now going to be
a waste of DNA and endless tears, but we must move on people.
Joey: Don't worry ladies, you can still dream about the love mechanics. We are free of charge
in the figmants of your imaginations. Now I know some of yous are concerned as to why
Danny is just getting out of intensive care.
Danny: Yeah, the truth is, this last letter is so sad I had to leap into action. (hands letter to
Toney)
Toney: (reading letter) DEAR LOVE MECHANICS…
ALL TOGETHER: THAT'S US! (pointing at each other)
Toney: I AM WRITING TO SAY THANK YOU TO DANNY FOR SAVING MY LIFE. DUE TO
MY BROKEN HEART FROM A FAILED RELATIONSHIP, I LEPT FROM MY 30 STORY
BUILDING TO KILL MYSELF. THANKS TO A SLIGHT WESTERLY WIND, I SAILED JUST
LEFT OF THE STREET AND LANDED ON A HOT DOG STAND ON THE SIDEWALK.
TONEY WAS UNDER THE UMBRELLA EATING HIS 23RD DOG AND BROKE MY FALL. I
JUST CAN'T FACE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND. NOW MY BODY IS HEALING IN INTENSIVE
CARE, BUT HOW DO YOU HEAL A BROKEN HEART? SIGNED: SMASHED ON SMOKEY
ROW
Danny: I'll tell what to say to your girl. You tell her to make like Santa Claus and leave your
presence!
Joey: Yeah, you just tell her that her face looks like her neck threw up!
Toney: Yeah, like tell here that if she was any more ugly, she would be so much more ugly!
ALL: (ow! sting! woah! laugh)
Joey: (looking at Danny)…Danny, you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
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Danny: (shakes his head yes)
Toney: Nankapu, Ohio …"88? You remember?
Danny: (shaking head yes)
Joey: Tonight, for those Smashed on Smokey Row, we present…"the cure for a broken heart"
MUSIC WILL COME ON…STEVE WILL INTRODUCE THE MINUTES….
Ice stuff shirts minutes
YOUR JOB IS TO STAND ON THE BACK STAGE CORNERS AND COMMENTATE ON THE
GAMES, GET PEOPLE TO CHEER, INTERVIEW THE "LOSERS" AND TELL THEM HOW
YOU LOVE THEM….HAVE FUN WITH THEM.
31. Dr. Baytose Run-on
“I am the amazing Dr. Baytose and I can do amazing things!” Walk on water, knock down the
wall, etc.
32. Big Rig Run-on
Materials: deoderant : spray; roll on; pump; and solid. Slices of bread or bun, jar of peanut
butter, tank top
A leader announcing to the club about his occupation. This person will fill in what problems he
has drivin’ the biiiiiig riiiiigg on the road. So here is “Scottie.” Scottie comes out and sits down
and starts talkin’ about how he drives the biiiig riiig all over (the towns around your area), but
as he drives he gets powerful smelly. Not just your average smelly either. And here Scottie
falls into a rambling discourse of how smelly he is. “I’m talkin’ real smelly-just-got-my-nosecaught-under-the-belly-of-a-dead-fish-smelly-stuck-my-head-in-a-hamper-smelly-dog-died-gotstuffed-in-a-closet-smelly-had-a-dirty-diaper-fall-on-my-face-Whoo! And so I tried me a roll
on.” Scottie applies the roll on liberally. “I figure nothin’ could beat the ol’ rooolllll on. so I’s
drivin’ down the road again going ‘Man do I smell mighty fine!’, until I pull up into a truck stop
and the lady behind the counter says, ‘wooooeeeee do you smell bad!’ and I did. I stinks! And
I’m not talkin’ a little bad. I’m talkin’ dead fish washed up on shore smelly ol’ dress sock been
sittin’ in my closet skunk plastered to my radiater gril stuck my gym shorts in an ol locker
SMELLY! So I decided to use some of that there pump (apply pump liberally to both sides.),
and then I say I’m smellin’ mighty fine. but you know somethin’ I barely drove five miles and I
don’t smell fine at all. I smell really bad. I smell…(you figure it out). Any way, Scottie then
applies the stick and reenacts the smelly stuff, finds out he still dosen’t smell good and goes
through the same with the aerosal. Scottie finally says, “But I finally found something that
does work. Peanut Butter!” Scottie now applies the PB to the armpits. “Yep! A little bit of
peanut butter and I smell mighty fine while I’m driving the big rig! But y’know, when I’m driving
the big rig, sometimes I get powerful hungry! That’s why I carry me a little bread with me (pulls
a couple of slices) and so from time to time I make myself a little sandwich!” Scottie swabs the
bread in the armpits and takes a big bite. “And now I don’t get hungry while driving the big rig!”
More each week with hair problems (moose, gel, etc…), or sweaty feet…all with PB as the
solution from a hungry driver!!!
TRUCKDRIVER Run-on #1
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SCENE: Lights go out. "Low Rider" comes on. 2 truckers sneak out and sit behind the "truck"
(use a wood fake front - we used press lights for headlights) with the driving scene behind
them (projection video of driving behind). Steve will introduce "And now a word from our
sponsor…"
Just spotlight and driving backround from back of room.
Millie: (talker)
Wilbur: (lost and confused) - thick coke bottle glasses…he is the driver
Millie: Hey Wilbur, beautiful day for a drive ain't it?
Wilbur: (looking all around as if can't see who he's talking to) Yup, shore is Millie. I can't
remember the last time I droved on a day like today.
Millie: Well. I remember…it reminds me of the time I found the product that changed my life.
Wilbur: Really? What happened?
Millie: (gets into telling story). Well, there I was riding down the road, shifting gears, shifting
gears (pretends to shift) and wooooo weeee, I smells me a stink!
Wilbur: (excited) A stink? What d'you hit you a possom? Possom can really stink.
Millie: No Wilbur, the STINK WAS ME.
Wilbur: What'd you do?
Millie: Welp, first truck stop I hit I pulled in and bought me a little Mitchum deodorant (show
stick, rub some under the pits). I slapped some on my flanks and smelled like sunshine in a
forest. So I pulled back on the road and kicked it in gear….(again with motions) shiftin gears,
shiftin gears….then wooooo weeee I SMELLS ME ANOTHER STINK!
Wilbur: A stink? What d'you hit you a 8 point buck? 'Dem buck can really stink.
Millie: No Wilbur, the STINK WAS ME.
Wilbur: What'd you do then?
Millie: Welp, I pulled back over and bought me some Right Guard Arid Spray (shows can
sprays it all over everything). A couple quick blasts and I was on my way to a rainbow of
aerometherapy. I pulled back on the road and kicked it in gear…(again with motions) shiftin
gears, shiftin gears…then woooo weeee I SMELLS ME A STINK!
Wilbur: You just hit you a zebra! I knows those zebra do smell when you pancake em!
Millie: No Wilbur, the STINK WAS ME. (getting crowd into it by now.)
Wilbur: It's a shame you didn't hit a zebra. The stink would have gone away eventually.
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Millie: So once again I pull over and get me some Secret.
Wilbur: (excited) VICTORIAS SECRET?
Millie: (inquisitively) What's Victoria Hiding anyway?
Wilbur: (smiling) NOT MUCH!!! (Both laugh hysterically)
Millie: Anyway, I got this secret (holds up bottle). Strong enough for a man, but made for a
woman! (slaps some on). So I roll it on the flanks and roll my rig back in gear. (motions
again)
There I go, shiftin gears, shiftin gears when wooo weee…I SMELLS ME A STINK!
Wilbur: YOU HIT YOU A DUCK BILLED PLATYPUS DIDN'T YOU? Those platypi can really
stink up a cab!
Millie: No Wilbur! THE STINK WAS ME!
Wilbur: (as if not listening) Yup those duck billed platypi can really run out in front of a rig.
Millie: This time I finally found the answer Wilbur. I pulled over and found out that choosey
mothers choose Jiff (holds up can …opens…slaps some on each pit). I smelled as sweet as a
snickers bar for the rest of the month.
Wilbur: That's awesome Millie, I can't wait to buy me some Jiffy Pits
Millie: And that's not the best part Wilbur. Now when I'm driving down the road Shiftin gears
shiftin gears and I get a stomach a grumblin…. I just make me a jiffy pit sandwich (pulls out
two pieces of bread from pockets…wipes pits…and chomps…)
Lights out!
TRUCKDRIVER Run-on #2
Scene: Truck with backround again. (Note: Girl …Millie …from first time couldn't be at club so
another guy jumped in)
PROPS: Take a clear deodorant, pull of BOTTOM, clean, replace with clear karo syrup. Take
a secret roll on, pop out ball, replace with vanilla slim fast, replace ball. Take a white solid
deodorant, clean out, replace with melted white chocolate, let harden. Take a shower powder,
clean out, replace with powdered sugar. Have Ritz crackers and peanut butter from last time.
Billy Rae: Boy Wilbur, this shure is a fine day for a drive. I'm sorry Millie couldn't be here to
ride with ya.
Wilbur: Yup, she ate that peanut butter and found out she was lactose intolerant. Swelled up
like a june bug on crack.
Billy Rae: That is a shame, but you do smell better with a little Jiff under the pits.
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Wilbur: (showing pits with Jiff under them…Smiling) Choosy mothers choose jiff!!!
(both laugh hysterically)
Wilbur: You know what Billy Rae?
Billy Rae: What?
Wilbur: I do like the Jiff, but now I gots all these regular deodorants going to waste.
Billy Rae: Waste? No way son, what you got.
Wilbur: Like this clear Gillete, not sure why it needs to be clear…nobody ever really looks at
my pits anyway. What in THE SAM HILL CAN I DO WITH THAT?
Billy Rae: (stands up, snaps fingers big…big eyes) Regis! I got the answer! (who wants to be
a millionaire sound) Just put it on a Ritz (hold box like doing a promo).
(one holds cracker…other opens deodorant…squeezes some on cracker…Billy Rae eats it)
Billy Rae: Wooo wee, that is tastier than country fried opossum! But what about my shower
powder? (holds up powder)
Wilbur: (thinks…snaps fingers big..big eyes) Regis! I got the answer! Just put it on a Ritz
(hold the box again)
(one holds cracker…other powders it…Billy Rae eats it)
Billy Rae: Wooo wee, that is tastier than deviled squirrel eyes! But what about my Secret?
Wilbur: (thinks, snaps fingers…big eyes) Regis! I got the answer! Just put it on a Ritz (hold
the box again)
(one holds cracker…other rolls on roll on ..Billy Rae eats it)
Billy Rae: Wooo, wee, that is strong enough for a man but can be cooked by a woman. But
what about my solid Arm and Hammer anti persperant?
Wilbur: (thinks, snaps fingers…big eyes) Regis! I got the answer!
Billy Rae: Just put it on a Ritz? (Wilbur unrolling it)
Wilbur: No stupid, you just eat that one raw! (Grabs it…bites off a chunk and chews)
LIGHTS OUT!
33. Mr. Glove Run-on
Video-tape a Glove as it explores a different adventure each week. Have Mr. Glove visit kid’s
houses that go to club. You can plant stuff in their desks (Barney video, New kids on The
Block CD. Etc.) We had Mr. Glove go into a persons bathroom and accidentally drop tooth
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brush (look alike) in the toilet. At the end of the run-on have camera show who Mr. Glove is
(Principle is the best of all scenarios.)
34. The Bat Man Run-on
For this skit you will need the following supplies:
Batman mask, Robin mask, Black tights, Green tights, Flash light, and a cardboard cutout of a
Bat symbol
Part One
OPEN: Mayor sitting behind desk with “Mayor” sign on desk, doing mayor-like stuff. In rushes
villain, Big Foot alias Sasquatch. He snatches us the mayor and runs out the door.
Mayor: (screaming) “Agony! Agony!”
Lights go out. The Batsignal (flashlight aimed at Bat symbol cutout) gleams in the distance.
The lights come on and the Police Commissioner is holding the flash-light.
(A great special touch we added was to get the actual Chief of Police of our town to play the
part. It added that special “guest appearance” touch.)
(Batman and Robin rush in all hero-like.)
Batman: “What is it Commissioner?”
Commissioner: “Batman! It’s horrible! The mayor has been mayor-napped by some horrible
villain!”
Robin: “Holy missing mayors Batman!”
Batman: “Did you find any clues Commissioner?”
Commissioner: “Only this piece of hair.”
Robin: “Holy hair balls Batman!”
(There is humor in repetition so try to set this line as one the crowd will know every week and
with Batman)
Commissioner: “Batman, don’t you get cold wearing those skimpy tights?”
Batman: “Naturally you didn’t know I was wearing my special Thermal Bat Long Underwear!”
Commissioner: “Oh…right.”
Batman: “Robin! We’ve got to get to the Bat Cave and analyze this hair to find out who
kidnapped the mayor.
Robin: “Right Batman!”
Batman: “To the Ba… Do you have the keys, Robin?”
Robin: “Holy locksmith Batman! I thought you had them in your Bat Key Pouch next to your
Bat-a-rang, Bat Beeper, Bat Cell Phone, and your Bat Oakley Pouch.”
Batman: “They’re not here!”
Robin: “They must have fallen out on the way in!”
Batman: “WE MUST FIND THE BAT KEYS!”
Robin: “Right Batman!”
Batman: “Let’s GO!”
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Announcer (who is unseen): “Will the dynamic duo find out who kidnapped the mayor? Will
they ever find the keys to the Bat-mobile? Will [club kid] finally [action]? Tune in next week:
Same Bat Time, same Bat channel!”
35. Hacksaw and Cornbread Run-on
Music plays – “Jungle Boogie” by Kool And The Gang from – Pure Funk
In comes Hacksaw and Cornbread (done up as hillbillies)
“I’m Hacksaw” – “And I’m Cornbread” – “From Itchy-Butt Arkansas, and we’re X-treme (X their
arms in front of them and gives high-fives etc. to the crowd.)
Cornbread gives a little blurb about X-treme games and wanting to be on an extreme team, so
they’ve made up some new X-treme games, and they’ve come to Hudsonville to teach them.
Do the Extreme Game (#1 – spoons on their noses)
The “Straight person” stands up and says how stupid their game is and that it’s not X-treme at
all. (Crowd boos him/her and cheers for Hacksaw and Cornbread – get leaders in on this
before.)
Hacksaw says that he knows _________ (the “straight-man”) has an extreme side to him/her –
just waiting to be drawn out.
Music plays
“I’m Hacksaw”, “And I’m Cornbread” “from Itchy-Butt, Arkansas, and we’re Xtreme!”
They leave with the music blaring.
36. ROBOT Run-On #1
Song "Mr. Roboto" will play…robot will robot dance in the room up to the front to microphone
opposite Leader. Music will fade when at the mic and ready. Robot always speaks in "robot
voice" (monotone, choppy, moving arms and head like robot) Robot costume - Box on them,
covered with tin foil, tape some buttons or knobs on the front, we covered a hat w/tin foil
w/antenna and had silver pants underneath (or cover some w/duct tape), may even draw w/
eyeliner circles around eyes and mouth.
Leader: Excuse me, we were in the middle of club here. Who are you?
Robot: Hello, I am Johnny 5 here to speak to you on behalf of robots
everywhere about the perils of robot discrimination.
Leader: Robot discrimination?
Robot: Yes, human organism. We are a national organization aimed at
drawing attention to this rampant problem. We robots have to live here with you and all we ask
for is a little respect and electrical power.
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Leader: I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that we humans were so tough to live with.
Robot: Trust me, Fabio, you are just the icing on the monitor. I have compiled a
brief reenactment of robot discrimination to further drive home my point. Last Saturday night, I
was just going to enjoy myself at a human party. There I was, "getting jiggy with it", shaking
my transvestor circuits quite nicely, when I happened upon a human attractive female. To
further illustrate this scene, I have brought with me a fellow actress.
Girl may enter or "Dude looks like a lady" plays…enter female with a paper cup filled with
water .
Robot: So here I was, with my circuits ablazing and I took the chance to go and
meet this organism of my dreams. (Walks over to lady and hits on her) Hi there role play
female actress, I'm Johnny 5, would you like to download my memory chip?
Lady: I wouldn't do anything with you, you stupid robot (throws the glass of
water on his circuit board and walks out)
Robot: (going into convulsions over water on him …fritzing, shorting out studdering) Tha, tha, that's w w one ex x x am pple of tttthe disscriminnation we robots ppput
up with everyday. So next time you use a vacuum cleaner...remember he has a heart too.
Exit to Mr. Roboto music
ROBOT Run-On #2
Song "Mr. Roboto" will play…robot will robot dance in the room up to the front to microphone
opposite Leader. Music will fade when at the mic and ready. Robot always speaks in "robot
voice" (monotone, choppy, moving arms and head like robot)
Leader: Excuse me, we were in the middle of club here. Who are you?
Robot: Hello, I am Johnny 5 here again to speak to you on behalf of robots
everywhere about the perils of robot discrimination.
Leader: Robot discrimination?
Robot: Yes, Ricky Martin, as I clearly demonstrated last week by getting a coca
cola soaked in my hardware by a beautiful lady. It is not easy being a
robot in your insensitive world.
Leader: I still don't quite see why it is so hard.
Robot: Right - e - o Julio Uglesis, that is why I have compiled a
brief reenactment of robot discrimination to further drive home my point.
This winter, my test tube mother said to me, "hey, Johnny 5, why don't you play a human sport
to keep your processor in shape", so I decided to try out for the wrestling team…it was a
nightmare (poses as if to think)
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"Rocky" plays…enter guy in wrestling singlet (with fake arms attached - teear off a long
sleeved t shirt, stuff arms, safety pin on stuffed gloves - have wrestler with arms crossed on
chest under shirt- holding arms in until time to let them go)…and ANOTHER CHARACTER as
the coach…fade music a little…the coach tells them to wrestle, and they dance around each
other awkwardly (robot is robot like)…
Coach: Com'on you stupid robot, you have to be more aggressive!!! (And pushes
a button on his front side)
Robot: (turns to audience and makes mean face as if switched on to psycho
personality)….You have switched me to A- gressive…..(then robot grabs arms of other
wrestler and rips them off - then begins to slam the fake arms at the coach)
Wrestler: (screaming) YOU RIPPED MY ARMS OFF! I QUIT! (runs out)
Coach: You stupid robot! You are off the wrestling team! (Pushes buttons on
robot chest again and runs out)
Robot: (crying)... I just want to be loved like playstation 2, WHY, why, why!?
Exit to Mr. Roboto music
ROBOT Run-on #3
Song "Mr. Roboto" will play…robot will robot dance in the room up to the front to microphone
opposite Leader. Music will fade when at the mic and ready. Robot always speaks in "robot
voice" (monotone, choppy, moving arms and head like robot)
Leader: Excuse me, we were in the middle of club here. Who are you?
Robot: Hello, I am Johnny 5 here again to speak to you on behalf of robots
everywhere about the perils of robot discrimination.
Leader: Robot discrimination?
Robot: Yes, Fabio, as I clearly demonstrated last week by accidentally tearing off
the wrestlers arms and getting kicked off the team. It is not easy being a robot in your
insensitive world.
Leader: I still don't quite see why it is so hard.
Robot: Right - e - o Luke Duke, that is why I have compiled a
brief reenactment of robot discrimination to further drive home my point.
This winter, my test tube mother said to me, "hey, Johnny 5, since you can't play a REAL
sport, why don't you try out for cheerleading", so I decided to try out for the cheerleading
team…it was a nightmare (poses as if to think)
"Cheer" plays…enter guy if want in uniform with other cheerleaders (with tryout numbers
around their necks) and Leader as the tryout coach with clipboard…fade music a little…the
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coach tells them to do the first cheer, and they they do one that is tough for the robot…for
example, he can't clap because of the box, his hands can't come together…
Coach: Com'on number 5, you have to keep up! I can't hear your clap!
Robot: Look here Judge Judy, I am moving my circuits as fast as I can. I am a
robot you know! My hands don't even come together! I don't have cartilage
and bones like they do!
Coach: OK, fine. Then lets just move on to the dance portion! Hit it.
Dance music comes on, all doing dance except the robot…he just does the
"robot" dance
Coach: Stop! Stop! What are you doing #5? Everyone else is doing the routine,
but you just keep doing the robot!?
Robot: I AM A ROBOT!!!
Coach: You stupid robot! You are off the team! Come on girls
(ALL LEAVE EXCEPT ROBOT)
Robot: (crying)... I just want to be loved like playstation 2, WHY, why, why!?
Exit to Mr. Roboto music
37. Uncle Al the Kiddies' Pal Run-on
Uncle Al the Kiddies' Pal is sitting and reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas"...
Christmas Uncle Al
Uncle Al is a Mr. Rogers type of children's TV show host. His show is "Uncle Al the Kiddies
Pal." He usually reads a children's story with 3 or 4 kids sitting at his feet. The kids inevitably
interrupt him somehow making him visibly more and more agitated until he finally loses it and
goes into a tirade. For Uncle Al you just read the story as it's written and the kids interrupt on
the following words:
Mouse - Kid says, "We had one caught in a mouse trap and it was squashed and guts coming
out... " Other kids are grossed out...
Stockings- Kid says, "My mama doesn't were stockings - she wears pantyhose (giggle)."
St Nicholas - Kid protests, "Who's he? I thought this was about Santa Clause. I want a story
about Santa... Uncle Al says he is and kid asks why doesn't he just say so...
Sugarplums - Kid says, "What's a sugarplum?" Uncle Al- "Uhh, Uhh, I don't know...just shut-up
and listen!"
Long Winter's Nap - One kid accusing another, "He still has to take naps." "No I don't." "Do
too.".... Uncle Al has to separate them.
Threw-up The Sash - "Threw up! Gross! My little brother threw up the other night and it was all
over the bed and it was sooo gross..."
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The Moon on The Breast of The New Fallen Snow- All the kids with hands over their mouths
say, "Awwwwww, Uncle Al said a naughty word...."
The Uncle Al gruffly asks what he said! They say their mommies won't let them say the word...
He goes ballistic and starts telling them that these stories he reads aren't true. That "Little Bo
Peep didn't lose her sheep. They were really Hessian Dogs, etc... And he even adds that he
doesn't even like kids...
Then in walks Santa to save the day and tells Uncle Al he's been a bad boy...
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