Interpersonal Communication 1
Running Head: INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
Interpersonal Communication
Arielle E. Melino
Bryant University
Interpersonal Communication 2
Interpersonal Communication
The textbook defines interpersonal communication as “the exchange of nonverbal and verbal
messages between two people, regardless of the relationship they share.” Throughout the semester, we
have examined many aspects that affect, inhibit, influence, or contribute to interpersonal communication.
As a class, we have studied countless theories, hypotheses, and concepts that try to predict and explain
our verbal and nonverbal behavior when interacting with another person. Additionally, we have even
studied the formation and de-escalation of many types of relationships that two interacting people could
possibly share with one another. Despite all of the knowledge that we have gained from studying
textbook definitions of the aspects and theories related to communication, it is still very difficult to
describe on a basic level what interpersonal communication truly means. Communication, especially
interpersonal communication, has a subjective definition that is molded by our personal beliefs and
experiences. In order to simplify the meaning of interpersonal communication and recognize its
application to our daily lives, my classmates and I have been keeping journals chronicling our
communication observations throughout the semester. Through writing my own personal journal, I
recognized numerous patterns and important points that surfaced multiple times throughout my entries.
My journal also encouraged me to further examine certain concepts within interpersonal communication.
Upon examining some of these concepts, I recognized that some of the interactions I have experienced
or observed validate the claims of researchers, while other interactions I have experienced or observed
seem to disprove some concepts. By examining the patterns that emerged in my journals and examining
situations that validate and disprove some findings, I have been able to form my own definition and
understanding of interpersonal communication.
Throughout my entries, I recognized many patterns that seem to exist. Out of the ten journal
entries I wrote, only three were about experiences that involved me directly. I rarely focused on just
myself within these entries. The three entries that involved me mainly highlighted a relationship or
experience I had with another person. Also, I recognized that only three of my entries were drawn from
observations of either strangers or mere acquaintances. This led me to realize that a majority of my
entries included people that I have formed a strong, lasting bond with.
These are people that I know
very well and communicate with on a regular basis. Five of the entries included interactions with or
between close friends. I came to the conclusion that a major pattern that emerged was friendship. Also,
I recognized that I focused a number of entries on a different type of close relationship with strong,
lasting bonds: my family. Two entries focused on just my parents and thoroughly discussed my parents’
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relationship with one another and me, their only child. It was evident that the second strong pattern that
emerged was family.
The first pattern I observed in my journals was friendship. A number of entries stemmed from
an interaction with or between friends. This pattern likely occurred because I have a number of
extremely close friends both in my hometown and at school. These friends and I spend great amounts of
time together, so a majority of my own interactions and the interactions I observe are with them.
Additionally, to establish and maintain the close relationships I share with my friends, we often engage
in self-disclosure. My friends and I know a great amount of personal information about one another,
creating very low uncertainty within our relationships. We can predict and explain one another’s
behavior very well on nearly all occasions. These high levels of self-disclosure and low levels of
uncertainty characterize our relationship as interdependent. Because my friends and I are all so
emotionally close to one another and have many interdependent relationships among us, we also have a
tendency to engage in conflict. Like all other interdependent relationships, conflict is something that
happens naturally and occasionally between us. I believe that the pattern of friendship emerged because
my friends and I spend great amounts of time with one another and therefore, I am often thinking about
our interactions. We engage in self-disclosure and as a result, we have low uncertainty about one
another and I can easily explain their behavior in a journal. Additionally, our relationships are
interdependent and we occasionally engage in conflict. These many aspects of our relationships provide
a great amount of interesting material to observe and then discuss in a journal. Friendship truly became
the primary pattern in my journals and my everyday life because my friends are an extremely important
aspect of my life and my some of my past interactions with them provided perfect examples of selfexpansion theory, preventive facework, comfort, unrequited love, and deception to include in my journal.
The second pattern that emerged in my journals is my parents’ relationship. Similar to my
relationship with my friends, I am extremely close to my family, especially my parents. I am an only
child. Therefore, I spend a great amount of time with my parents. There are high levels of selfdisclosure between my mother, father, and I. Since we share so much with one another, there are low
levels of uncertainty and I am able to predict and explain their behavior within their interactions. I am
able to observe and understand their interactions and overall relationship not just because I have the
ability to predict and explain their behavior very well but also because I am around them frequently. My
parents’ relationship also became the second pattern I wanted to discuss because they have a unique
relationship that I admire. I really enjoyed writing about and analyzing their interactions. In one entry, I
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discussed how their similarities brought them together. In another entry, I discussed how they managed
conflict when it appeared in their relationship. Their relationship has developed over the long period of
time they have been together and has always been present for me to observe. Most of my knowledge
and expectations of relationships has come from my observations of their interactions throughout my life.
Lastly, I chose my parents’ relationship as a primary pattern because it provides a great amount of
content to write about as well as an interesting theme that is simple to convey in a journal.
In addition to recognizing patterns, my journals also made me further examine many concepts
within interpersonal communication. Two concepts that I observed and analyzed in my everyday life
were the idea of similarity, or “birds of a feather flock together,” and deception. I observed a successful
relationship between two people who were attracted to one another because of their similarities and
reported on it in my journal. Additionally, I observed instances of deception between two of my friends
that seemed to contradict what was stated about deception in the textbook. Writing about these topics in
my journal prompted me to further examine each concept. After conducting further research, I
concluded that my observations support what the textbook states about similarity. However, my
observations do not support what the textbook and my research stated about deception.
First, a topic that is reinforced in my journal is the idea of similarity. The textbook states that
there are four factors that contribute to attraction including personal qualities, qualities of the other,
environmental factors, and the chemistry between two people. The chemistry between two people is
divided into two different theories. One idea behind the chemistry between two people is the idea of
similarity or “birds of a feather flock together.” Another idea is complementarity or “sometimes
opposites attract.” However, the textbook states that similarity is the stronger predictor of attraction and
the “more similar others are to us, the more we will be attracted to them.” It provides a number of
examples of types of similarity including attitudinal similarity, similarity in communication skills,
similarity in physical attractiveness, and similarity in names and birth dates. In my opinion, the idea of
similarity truly means that two people that are similar to each other are more likely bond and develop a
relationship.
I researched the idea of similarity in relationships and discovered that most research supports the
idea that “birds of a feather flock together” or similarity prevails. In a study titled “Couple Similarity
and Marital Satisfaction: Are Similar Spouses Happier,” Ruth Gaunt of Bar-Ilan University examines
whether more similarities produce more satisfaction in married couples. Gaunt’s study evaluates
“similarity in value priorities, gendered personality traits, role attitudes, and religiosity” (Gaunt, 2006, p.
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1405). The article states that although the similarities cited in the textbook are important to satisfaction,
“other dimensions (e.g. value priorities, attitudes, religious beliefs) may play an important role as well”
(p. 1402). Gaunt believes that similarities in values, ideas of how each person in the relationship should
act, and religious beliefs are important factors in similarity as well as attitudinal similarity. The results
of her study are consistent with her hypothesis. Gaunt concludes in her study that “greater similarity
between partners [is] associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction.” Additionally, Gaunt
discovers that certain similarities are more important than others and lead to higher satisfaction. She
finds that “similarity on the role attitudes and religiosity domains [show] weaker and inconsistent
patterns of associations” (p. 1416). This means that similarity in role attitudes and religiosity are not as
important in creating marital satisfaction as value priorities and gendered personality traits, although
they are still important. Overall, Gaunt’s conclusion that certain similarities lead to marital satisfaction
is consistent with the overall idea from the textbook that “birds of a feather flock together” and
similarity is important to relationships.
Furthermore, the idea of similarity in relationships is supported by one of my journal entries. In
an entry where I examined my parents’ relationship, I found that they are very similar and their
similarities contribute to their successful relationship. My parents have always had a very successful
relationship where they seem as though they are best friends in addition to husband and wife. They have
many of the same opinions and they agree on mostly everything. However, sometimes they do not agree
but they usually handle their conflicts in a constructive and polite way. In the end, they always end up
joking about their disagreements and consider themselves to be satisfied with their relationship. The
success and positive outcome of their relationship can be attributed largely to the many similarities
between them. My parents are similar in every way cited in the textbook. Not only do they have similar
opinions and tastes, but they also often look and act alike. They share the same entertaining mannerisms,
such as wild hand gestures, and even the same sense of humor. They are both very intelligent, friendly,
and enjoy having conversations with others. The most fascinating aspect of their similarity is that they
exemplify a strong case of implicit egotism. My parents share many arbitrary similarities such as an
Italian last name, a mother named Evelyn, and a deceased father that likely contributed to their attraction
to one another. They also share many of the similarities examined in the study by Gaunt. My parents
share similar value priorities, role attitudes, and religious beliefs and these similarities contribute to their
relationship satisfaction. However, some of these similarities are more important to them than others.
For example, their similarities in value priorities are more important to them than their similarities in
religious beliefs. Therefore, some of their similarities contribute to their satisfaction more than others.
Interpersonal Communication 6
Overall, my parents have a vast amount of similarities and they all contribute to the success of their
relationship.
Although the idea of similarity is reinforced in the research I conduced and one of my journal
entries, another one of my entries seems to contradict what the textbook claims about deception. The
textbook states that “deception is a major relational transgression that often leads to feelings of betrayal
and distrust” and defines it as “intentionally managing verbal or nonverbal messages so that a receiver
will believe or understand something in a way that the sender knows is false.” The primary types of
deception are lies, equivocations, concealments, exaggerations, and understatements. Deception often
has “negative consequences for relationships.” Deception is portrayed to be a harmful transgression for
any type of relationship that can cause permanent damage.
Research on this topic supports the textbook idea that deception is harmful to relationships. In a
study conducted by Candida Peterson of the University of Queensland titled “Deception in Intimate
Relationships,” Peterson studies “the use of deceptive communication in intimate couple relationships.”
She examines types of deception such as “omission, distortion, half-truths, blatant lies, white lies, and
failed lies” and how they affect “satisfaction with the couple relationship” (Peterson, 1996, p. 279).
Overall, Peterson examines if deception used between partners in a relationship produces satisfaction or
dissatisfaction in the relationship. Peterson finds that there is a “clear link shown between deception and
satisfaction with the intimate relationship” and “respondents who believed that their partners made
frequent use of blatant lying, distortion, omission, half truths, and failed deceit were less satisfied with
their couple relationships” (p. 285). This proves that deception is linked to dissatisfaction in
relationships. Another interesting fact cited in this study that contributes to my understanding of
deception is that blatant lying is reported to be the most common form of romantic deception in many
studies. In a study conducted by Metts in 1989 cited in the study I examined, Metts asked a number of
couples “to describe a single instance in which they were ‘not completely truthful’ with their romantic
partners” and found that “only 8% were unable to recall one” and “blatant lying was the predominant
type of deception mentioned, accounting for 47% of instances” (p. 281). This means that deception
occurs in most relationships and the most common type of deception is a blatant lie.
Although both the textbook and the research I examined state that serious deceptions are harmful
to relationships and produce less satisfaction, an example I observed in everyday life contradicts this
idea. One of my friends, Michelle, is constantly being deceived by her boyfriend, Sean. Sean frequently
tells blatant lies about what he has been doing. He spends a great amount of time with other girls and
Interpersonal Communication 7
lies to Michelle, telling her that he did not spend any time with them. Michelle knows that he is lying,
but she is not dissatisfied with their relationship. She does not get angry or upset with Sean for not
telling the truth, but rather assumes that he is concealing the truth from her because the other girls he is
seeing are not important to him. Sean deceives Michelle in many ways, but the two are never
dissatisfied in their relationship, which contradicts what is stated about deception in the textbook and the
study by Peterson. Additionally, when Sean admits to Michelle that he has been lying, it seems to bring
them closer together. Michelle is so happy when Sean tells the truth that she always forgives him for
lying. Michelle and Sean are never dissatisfied with their relationship despite all of the deception
involved. This case contradicts what is stated in the textbook and research by Peterson about deception.
Both the patterns I observed and the research I conducted about interpersonal communication
have helped me to form my own definition of what interpersonal communication truly means. The
patterns I observed have made me realize that the bonds I have formed with the people close to me
influence how I communicate with others and interpret communication. Researching concepts in
communication farther made me notice that I have gained a great amount of knowledge about the
communication process and interpersonal communication. I have such a great knowledge that I am able
to apply what I learned from the textbook and outside research to everyday interactions that I observe.
This has helped me to recognize that certain ideas cited in the textbook, such as similarity, can prove to
be very true when applied to everyday interactions, while some ideas, such as deception, are not valid in
every everyday interaction I observe. In the future, I will apply all theories and research to everyday
interactions that I observe to determine their validity. The knowledge I have gained has helped me to
define interpersonal communication as a transfer of various nonverbal and verbal messages, influenced
by a person’s experiences and relationships, between two people who share any sort of relationship.
In conclusion, interpersonal definition is very hard to define. I recorded many communication
observations in a journal throughout the semester to better understand interpersonal communication.
Through these journals, I was able to discover the patterns of friendship and family relationships. My
journals also prompted me to conduct outside research. I researched similarity and found that some
everyday interactions I observed support what was stated in the textbook and research about similarity.
I also researched deception and discovered that an everyday interaction I observed seems to contradict
what the textbook and research stated about deception. All of this helps me to form my own definition
and understanding of interpersonal communication. I hope to continue to gather knowledge and a better
understanding of communication in the future.
Interpersonal Communication 8
Works Cited
Gaunt, Ruth (2006). Couple similarity and marital satisfaction: are similar spouses happier?. Journal of
Personality, 1401-1420.
Doi: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.2006.00414.x
Peterson, Candida (1996). Deception in intimate relationships. International Journal of Psychology,
31(6), 279-288.
Doi: 10.1080/002075996401034
Interpersonal Communication 9
Interpersonal Communication Journal Entry #4- February 22, 2011
One factor of attraction is the chemistry between people. There is often debate between the two
notions of chemistry, which are “birds of a feather flock together” and “opposites attract.” “Birds of a
feather flock together” symbolizes similarity in relationships and suggests that people often form
relationships with others that are similar to them. “Opposites attract” suggests that people form
relationships with others who complement them. I believe that people who are similar form successful
relationships more often than people who are different. One interesting example of similarity in
relationships is my parents’ relationship.
I am very close to both my mother and my father and I consider our family relationship to be
successful and healthy. In the great amount of time I have spent with my parents, I have realized that
they are very similar. The book cites attitudinal similarity, similarity in communication skills, physical
attractiveness, and implicit egotism to be important factors of similarity. Every one of these aspects
applies to my mother and father’s relationship.
First, they are both very similar in attitude. They have the same beliefs and enjoy many of the
same activities. They both enjoy joking around and spending time with the rest of our family and
friends. Also, they are similar in communication skills. Both of my parents communicate well and
enjoy interactions with others. My mother and father are also similar in physical attractiveness. Their
level of physical attractiveness is the same and furthermore, they both have many of the same features.
Both parents have brown hair, wear glasses, and are approximately the same height.
Finally, and most interestingly, they demonstrate many examples of implicit egotism. Implicit
egotism is the idea that we are attracted to others based on similarity in the most arbitrary areas. My
parents are both Italian and have Italian last names. They both have a mother named Evelyn and a father
who passed away when they were very young. They share many additional similarities that are not often
visible and may not seem important. However, it contributes to their many arbitrary similarities.
In conclusion, I believe that similarity is important in relationships. Through my parents’
relationship, I can see many similarities between them that contribute to the overall success of their
relationship.
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Interpersonal Communication Journal Entry #5- February 26, 2011
The textbook cites many ways to help comfort a person. Some of the strategies cited in the book
are person-centered messages and nonverbal immediacy. I believe that these strategies are the most
effective when comforting a person. During our first semester at Bryant, my roommate was
experiencing many troubles. She was greatly in need of comfort. My friends and I used personcentered messages and nonverbal immediacy. After, my roommate felt much more optimistic.
First, my roommate was in need of comfort after breaking up with her boyfriend from home.
She was very upset and missed him terribly. This was the perfect opportunity for my friends and I to
employ a person-centered message. Person-centered messages acknowledge, elaborate on, and validate
the feelings and concerns of the distressed person. My friends and I acknowledged and elaborated on
my roommate’s feelings by stating that we understood how and why she was upset. We let her explain
to us how she was feeling and reassured her that it was perfectly normal for her to be upset. We
validated her concerns by taking her side when she proposed any point and convinced her that it was
acceptable to be both angry and upset. We complimented her and told her to see the situation as a
learning experience. She felt greatly comforted when we took the time to provide her with personcentered messages.
Also, while comforting my roommate, my friends and I used nonverbal immediacy. The
textbook cites hugs, close proxemic distancing, facial expression, attentiveness, increased miscellaneous
touch, pats, and eye contact as the most frequent behaviors. I demonstrated the most common behavior
as I hugged my roommate and provided a shoulder for her to cry on. My other friends sat very close to
her and looked empathetic. We were all attentive as we listened and made direct eye contact with her.
All of these behaviors contributed to her overall comfort.
In conclusion, nonverbal immediacy and person-centered messages are very effective ways to
comfort someone. When comforting my roommate, my friends and I used these strategies and they were
highly successful.