Business Communication
101
Table of Contents
Pitfalls of Business Writing……………………………………………………...3
Sentences………………………………………………………………………...7
Paragraphs……………………………………………………………………….10
Six Rules for the Comma………………………………………………………..11
Semicolon Pointers……………………………………………………………...12
Colon Pointers…………………………………………………………………..13
Apostrophe Pointers..…………………………………………………………...14
Parentheses……………………………………………………………………...15
Punctuation Exercise…………………………………………………………....16
Verbs…………………………………………………………………………….17
Adverbs………………………………………………………………………….18
Adjectives……………………………………………………………………….19
Prepositions……………………………………………………………………..20
Preposition Crossword…………………………………………………………..21
Nouns……………………………………………………………………………22
Pronouns………………………………………………………………………...23
Conjunctions………………………………………………………………….…25
Active Writing Exercise………………………………………………………...27
Parts of the Business Letter……………………………………………………..29
Example of a Business Letter…………………………………………………...32
The Seven “Cs” of Style………………………………………………………...33
Punctuation and Spelling Exercise……………………………………………...35
Revision in Business Writing…………………………………………………...36
Letter Editing Exercise……………………………………………………….…42
Ten Techniques for Effective Communication………………………………....43
Parts of a Business Letter Worksheet…………………………………………...44
E-mail……………………………………………………………………………45
Reflections………………………………………………………………………50
Resources………………………………………………………………………..51
2
Pitfalls of Business Writing
1. Too Many Words
2. Clichés
3. Too Many Big Words
4. Jargon
5. Vague Expressions
6. Condescending Statements
7. Sexist Language
8. Negative Expressions
9. Inattention to Detail
10. Inattention to the Reader
11. Lack of Commitment
12. Passive Construction
3
1. Too Many Words
 One word is better than two
 A good rule is to limit your sentences to fewer than 17
words.
 Edit ruthlessly
Not: In this letter we have attempted to answer all of your
questions, and we hope that if you have any additional
questions whatsoever, you will not hesitate to contact
us.
But: If you have additional questions, please call us.
2. Cliches
 Avoid fad words and trite phrases like “input,”
“parameters,” “utilize,” “hopefully,” and “enclosed please
find”.
Not: Enclosed please find the information per your request.
Hopefully, you can utilize our product to benefit your
company within the parameters of your computer’s
invoice processing. We appreciate your input.
But: We have enclosed the information you requested. Our
product will speed your computer’s invoice
processing. Thank you for your suggestions.
3. Too Many Big Words
 Keep your writing simple: use “home” instead of “abode,”
“face” instead of “visage,” “use” instead of “utilize”
 Short words are better than long words
 Try to be natural in your writing
4
 Read your letters aloud after you write them; they should
sound human and conversational
Not: Pursuant to our discussion, herewith we acknowledge
receipt of your correspondence as of the above date.
But: We received your letter on December 16 as we
discussed.
4. Jargon
 Avoid unexplained terms like “facilitator” and “interface”
Not: Our facilitator will interface with the new
Communication systems network.
But: Our administrative assistant will operate the new
telephone system.
5. Vague Expressions
 Be concise and specific
Not: The company’s negative cash flow position forced it to
resize its operations to the level of profitable market
opportunities.
But: The company lost money and had to lay off workers.
5
6. Condescending Statements
 Write with warmth, as one human to another.
Not: We are certain you are concerned with saving money.
Of course, you will mail the enclosed card. We thank
you in advance.
But: If saving money is important to you, please mail the
enclosed card today. Thank you.
7. Sexist Language
 Consider your reader (the salutation “Gentlemen” is
outdated).
 Traditionally, “he,” and “him” were neutral pronouns, yet
there are alternatives you can use to avoid offending your
reader
 Use “he or she” sparingly
Not: An accountant must pass a difficult exam before he
can become CPA.
But: Accountants must pass a difficult exam before they can
become CPA’s.
or
To become a CPA, an accountant must pass a difficult
exam.
8. Negative Expressions
 Stress the positive
 Instead of telling what you can’t do or don’t have,
provide good news
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Not: We’re sorry to tell you that we don’t carry XYZ
Software.
But: Since we no longer carry XYZ software, we are sending you a list of distributors who do carry the
software.
9. Inattention to Detail
 Triple check accuracy and quality
 Reread for typos and misspelled words
Not: We hope we can accomodate your office supply and
stationary needs.
But: We hope we can accommodate your office supply and
stationery needs.
10. Inattention to the Reader
 Write in the first person when appropriate
 Write in the second person when possible
 Remember to write from the reader’s perspective
Not: We would like to invite you to attend the conference.
But: You are invited to attend the conference.
11. Lack of Commitment
 Take a stand
 Omit qualifiers- “sort of,” “rather,” “quite,” “somewhat”
Not: We are quite pleased about our rather exciting word
processor.
7
But: We are pleased about our exciting line of word
processors.
12. Passive Construction
 Use active verbs
 The normal order of sentences is subject (performer of
action), verb, and object (receiver of action). In passive
construction, the order is reversed: the object is first,
followed by a form of the verb “be” (am, is, are, was,
were, been, being) before the main verb. The subject is
last (usually preceded by the word “by”).
Passive: The check was signed by my boss.
The letter is being typed by the secretary.
He practices what has been learned. [“By him”
is implied.]
Active: My boss signed the check.
The secretary is typing the letter.
He practices what he has learned.
 Active construction is almost always more direct, more
economical, and more forceful than passive construction.
8
Sentences
1. Use declarative sentences to make statements of fact and opinion. Usually
such sentences follow the subject-verb word order, and they end with a period.
2. Use interrogative sentences to ask questions. Interrogative sentences usually
begin with a question word (who, which, were, when, why, and how) or with
a verb.
3. Use exclamatory sentences to make strong assertions or surprising
observations. Exclamatory sentences usually end with an exclamation mark.
4. Use imperative sentences to give directions or commands. Imperative
sentences usually begin with a verb and end with a period (although an
exclamation point is also occasionally possible).
5. Limit average sentence length to about 20 words for typical business and
technical writing.
6. Use a variety of sentence types and sentence lengths.
7. Strive to make all sentences direct.
9
Paragraphs
1.
Limit paragraphs to a single topic or major idea.
2.
Do not allow paragraphs to become too long.
3.
Vary the length of your paragraphs.
4.
Ensure that the opening sentence of every primary paragraph accurately reflects
the content of that paragraph and any following secondary paragraphs.
5.
Organize paragraphs logically.
6.
Use key words and other devices to ensure that paragraphs are coherent.
7.
Emphasize the important ideas within a paragraph.
In traditional paragraphs, important ideas are emphasized by being placed in the
initial or topic sentence. The initial sentence is visually and logically the most
important sentence in a paragraph, so use it to capture the most important ideas.
8.
Provide transitions between paragraphs.
Writers can set up transitions by previewing content. If you announce, for
instance, that you will be discussing five topics and then list those topics, you
have set up a progression that the reader will expect. As you move from topic to
topic, the transitions will be automatic.
9.
If appropriate, break up or replace paragraphs with lists.
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1. Use a comma after a long introductory phrase.
After working all day at the office, I went home for dinner.
2. If the introductory phrase is short, forget the comma.
After work I went home for dinner.
3. Use the comma if the sentence would be confusing without it.
The day before, I borrowed her calculator.
When you’ve finished, your dinner is ready.
4. Use a comma to separate items in a series.
I need to pack my computer, calculator, business cards, and toothbrush.
5. Use a comma to separate two sentences that are joined by FANBOYS; for, and,
nor, but ,or, yet ,so, (easy way to remember.)
He wanted the promotion, but he was afraid to ask his boss.
She liked her new job, and she respected her colleagues.
They may go to the park, or they may stay here.
The partners aren’t going to the retreat, nor are they happy about it.
Her assistant took a cab, for it was a long way to walk.
They waited until Friday, so it was too late to go.
I’d like to travel, yet I’m reluctant to change jobs.
6. Use a comma to set off nonessential elements in a sentence.
At the podium stood Frank, wearing a green tie.
The computer, which is in the hallway, is brand new.
11
Semicolon Pointers
The semicolon separates two independent clauses, but it keeps those two thoughts
more tightly linked than a period can: “I type letters; he types bills.” Use a
semicolon before and a comma after the following words if the words come between
two independent clauses.
accordingly
also
besides
consequently
furthermore
hence
however
likewise
indeed
instead
moreover
namely
nevertheless
nonetheless
otherwise
similarly
still
then
therefore
thus
I thought I had completed the project; consequently, I was surprised to hear about the
additional work.
We have prepared your estimate; however, you should sign it by Friday.
The Managers’ retreat will be held in March; therefore, all business matters will be
discussed then.
The new auto promotion will not start until Monday; nevertheless, all of the
advertising posters should be put up today.
All of our branches are without power; nonetheless, they will need to continue to post
by hand.
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Colon Pointers
A colon is a tip-off to get ready for what’s next: a list, a long quotation, or an
explanation. A colon separates independent clauses when the second clause explains or
amplifies the first.
Fred was proud of his sister: she had been promoted to managing partner.
My new office contains the following items: a partner’s desk, a leather chair, and oak
paneling.
There are two things to remember in a job interview: always arrive promptly and always
dress appropriately.
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Apostrophe Pointers
An apostrophe is used to form the possessive of nouns and some pronouns, and to mark
the omission of letter(s) in a contraction.
If the noun is singular, add ‘s
I enjoyed Betty’s presentation.
Someone’s coat is in the lobby.
The same applies for singular nouns ending in “s” like James.
This is James’s new office.
If the noun is plural, add an apostrophe after the s:
Those are the clients’ files.
If the singular noun ends in “s” (like “Jones”), add “es” and an apostrophe to make it both
plural and possessive.
Here is the Joneses’ tax information.
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Parentheses
1. Parentheses enclose explanatory sentences within a paragraph.
Members may retain Credit Union membership until their account is
closed. If a member no longer belongs to their original member group
they may remain eligible for membership. (The above information can
be found in the Branch Accounting Manual).
2. Parentheses enclose references, examples, ideas, and citations that are not
part of the main thought of a sentence.
Our design accounts for all environmental factors that may affect
sensitivity (smoke, terrain, weather, and physical damage).
3. Parentheses enclose numbers in a paragraph list.
The operational characteristics we will discuss below are (1) manning,
(2) training, and (3) providing required support.
4. Parentheses enclose acronyms, abbreviations, definitions, and figures that
have been written out.
As of September 1, 1999, Chex Systems began screening all inquiries
through the Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) in order to detect
members that may have possible associations with countries, groups,
organizations and individuals that the United States has sanctions against.
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Punctuation
Exercise
1. The executive watched the competition but the competition went ahead with the
takeover.
2. During our meeting she was genial but shrewd.
3. Today more women are becoming executives in corporations.
4. The job was difficult therefore he quit.
5. My suitcase contained files pencils books and paper.
6. We thought we would have to work late consequently we were happy to be home
before dark.
7. My boss car was in the shop however she borrowed her husbands.
8. In preparation for the meeting Mr. Jones asked us to do three things set up the
equipment dust the tables and empty the ashtrays.
9. We wanted to go to the partners meeting but we were unable to leave before the
weekend.
10. Lois resumé arrived yesterday moreover she phoned for an interview next week.
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Verbs
Verbs are the key action words in most sentences. They tell what the subject has done, is
doing, or will be doing, and they indicate the subject’s relationship to the object or
complement. Because verbs also signal time through their different tenses (forms), they
are potentially the most important words in a sentence. For instance, varying only the
verb in a sentence produces major shifts in the meaning:
She shows us her report.
She showed us her report.
She will show us her report.
She has shown us her report.
She had shown us her report.
She will have shown us her report.
She is showing us her report.
She was showing us her report.
She will be showing us her report.
These nine sentences only begin to illustrate all the possible verb forms.
o Check a recent dictionary to determine the correct forms for any verb you are
unsure of.
o Vary your verb tenses to reflect the varying timing of events in your writing.
o Ensure that your verbs agree with your subjects.
o Use a subjunctive verb in if clauses to state a situation that is untrue, impossible,
or highly unlikely. (Subjunctive verbs are special verb forms that signal
recommendations or conditions contrary to fact.)
o Use subjunctive verbs in sentences making strong recommendations or demands,
or indicating necessity.
If I were the candidate, I would not agree to a debate.
If I were you, I would change banks.
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Adverbs
Adverbs are modifiers that give the how, where, when, and extent of the action within a
sentence. Most adverbs end in –ly, but some common adverbs do not: so, now, later,
then, well, etc. Adverbs often modify the main verbs in sentences:
The engineer slowly prepared the design plan. (How?)
The supply ship moved close to the drilling platform. (Where?)
They later surveyed all participants in the research project. (When?)
The abdominal pain was clearly evident in all treatment groups. (Extent?)
Adverbs can also modify adjectives or other adverbs:
Their proposal was highly entertaining.
Costs were much lower than expected.
The well was so deep that its costs became prohibitive.
The board of directors cut costs more severely and more rapidly than we anticipated.
o Place the adverbs only, almost, nearly, merely, and also as close as possible to the
word they modify.
The bank examiners looked at only five accounts.
Not – The bank examiners only looked at five accounts.
o Choose adverbs, not adjectives, to modify main verbs.
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Adjectives
Adjectives describe or modify nouns or pronouns. They typically precede nouns or
follow either verbs of sense (feel, look, sound, taste, smell) or linking verbs (be, seem,
appear, become):
The slow process…(or The process is slow.)
Warm weather…(or The weather seems warm.)
The cautious superintendent…(or The superintendent became cautious.)
The news seemed bad. (not badly, which is an adverb)
Adjectives also tell which one, what kind, or how many people or things are being
discussed.
o Use adjectives, not adverbs, following verbs of sense (feel, look, sound, taste,
smell) and linking verbs (be, seem, appear, become).
o Use the comparative (-er/more) forms when comparing two people or things and
the superlative (-est/most) forms when comparing more than two.
o Avoid noun strings unless you are sure your readers know what each string
means.
o Arrange nouns used as adjectives in technical expressions so that the more general
nouns are closest to the word they are modifying.
o For the names of an organization or company modifying a noun, choose to use
either a possessive form (with an apostrophe) or an unchanged descriptive form.
Once you choose, stay with your choice throughout a document.
19
Prepositions
Prepositions are words that connect or relate nouns and pronouns to preceding words and
phrases:
The engineer moved from his desk.
The plans for the new substation have yet to be completed.
The case against her became even more convincing.
There is truth in what you say.
The firm submitted a summary of the specifications.
The simple prepositions are at, by, in, on, down, from, off, out, through, to, up, for, of,
and with. More complex, even phrasal, prepositions also exist: against, beneath, in front
of, on top of, on board, according to, on account of, by means of, etc.
Although they number less than a hundred, prepositions are essential words in English.
Most normal sentences contain one or more prepositions.
o Try to avoid it, but do not be overly concerned if you end a sentence with a
preposition.
o Omit certain prepositions if you can do so without changing the meaning.
o Distinguish between the prepositions between and among. Between usually refers
to two things, while among refers to more than two things.
The judge divided the land between the two parties.
The judge divided the land among a dozen parties.
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2
1
4
3
5
6
7
8
9
11
10
12
13
Across
Down
1. He ran_____the door
3. She speaks
highly____you
2. Sally is
working_______her goals
5. He lives______Dallas
4. she's____school
6. The book was
placed_______the desk
8. ____a friend
9. _______the movie, we
went for ice cream.
7. I left____noon
11. go______God
10. He went______the stairs
12. I am going___school
13. The baby slept
________the night
Preposition Crossword
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Nouns
Nouns signify persons, places, things, and ideas. Even more important, nouns are the
main words in a variety of noun phrases:
A bottle
The comprehensive report
A slowly changing pattern
Some tomatoes for lunch
The young engineer who works next door
o Distinguish between count and non-count nouns.
o Use collective nouns and the names of companies as either singular or plural.
o Distinguish between common and proper nouns.
Distinguish between common and proper nouns:
Common nouns
A company
Three lines
Some paper
An idea
the professor
the avenue
a river
our dentist
Proper nouns
Acme Glass Company
Professor Thomas Miles
Second Avenue
The Mississippi River
Dr. John Wray
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Pronouns
Pronouns are words that take the place of more specific nouns or noun phrases:
George completed the drawings.
He completed the drawings.
The young engineer spoke up.
She spoke up.
John’s survey was efficient.
His survey was efficient.
First State Bank went bankrupt.
It went bankrupt.
John, Sue, Esther, and George left the
party early.
They left the party early.
The bid and the interest were issues.
Those were issues.
John, Sue, Esther, George, etc., left the
party early.
Everyone left the party early.
o Use personal pronouns in business and technical documents to establish a
personal, human tone.
o Use subjective case pronouns for the subject of a verb or when the pronoun
follows a form of be (am, is, are, was, were, be, been).
The engineer chosen was she.
The contractor who won is he.
Was it they who called?
o Use Possessive cases correctly.
That was her report.
The report was hers.
The problems were ours, not yours.
They were our problems, not your problems.
o Choose pronouns that agree with their antecedents in number, in gender, and in
case. (Antecedent refers to a noun, pronoun, phrase, or clause referred to by a
personal or relative pronoun.)
Cheryl Higgins prepared a revised safety procedure, but she failed to get
managerial approval.
Sidney Brown was eager to take his first entrance exam.
Everyone should arrange their desk before leaving.
Everybody is responsible for their own time cards.
23
o For interrogative and relative who, use the subjective case (who) for subjects and
following a form of be; use the objective case (whom) for objects of verbs and
prepositions.
Subjective case: Who is the branch manager?
Whoever writes the report gets all the credit.
Objective case: Whom did you nominate?
Whom did you wish to speak to?
o Avoid the unnecessary use of intensive/reflexive forms when an ordinary personal
pronoun would suffice.
George injured himself.
The team quarreled among themselves.
o Avoid vague uses of demonstrative pronouns (usually when the pronoun is used
without the noun it is describing).
This is something to consider. (better: This shortfall in payments is something
to consider.)
These are difficult. (better: These exercises are difficult.)
o Indefinite pronouns used as subjects should agree in number with their verbs.
Anyone likes to receive a positive performance review. (Anyone=singular;
likes=singular.
All of the employees were notified of the new vacation policy. (All of the
employees=plural; were=plural)
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Conjunctions
Conjunctions connect words, phrases, or clauses and at the same time indicate the
relationship between them.
Conjunctions include the simple coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, for, nor, so, yet),
the subordinate conjunctions (because, since, although, when, if, so that, etc.), the
correlative conjunctions (either…or neither…nor, both…and), and the conjunctive
adverbs (however, thus, furthermore, etc.).
The simple coordinating conjunctions are (FANBOYS) for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and
so. They often connect two independent clauses (complete thoughts):
The program designer established the default settings, and the programmer built them
into the system.
Our proposal was a day late, but we were not eliminated from competition.
The pump will have to be replaced, or we will continue to suffer daily breakdowns.
We rejected his budget, yet he continued to argue that all contested items were
justified.
o Ensure that in choosing and and or you select the conjunction that conveys
exactly what you mean.
My boss is competent, and David is not.
Explain the cost savings, and I’ll approve your proposal.
o Occasionally, sentences can begin with a coordinating conjunction. Using a
conjunction to begin a sentence is not grammatically incorrect. Sometimes, it is
good stylistic variation. But it tends to look and sound informal, so avoid this
practice in formal documents.
We objected to the proposal because of its length. And others felt that it
it had errors in its facts.
25
o Do not use and or but before which (or that, who, whose, whom, where) unless
you use a preceding parallel which (or that, who, whose, whom, where).
The plans called for a number of innovative features, especially
regarding extra insulation, and which should save us much in fuel costs.
(Deleting the and would solve the lack of parallelism in this sentence.)
o Subordinate conjunctions can begin sentences.
Because the project manager was unfamiliar with the budget codes,
we failed to expense the costs of fabrication.
o Distinguish between some subordinate conjunctions that have overlapping or
multiple meanings (especially because/since/as and while/although/as).
Because the Leiper Project failed, several engineers were reassigned to
electro-optics. (not Since the project failed….)
o Make the constructions following each coordinating conjunction parallel.
The committee was interested in both real estate holdings and stock
investments. (not both in real estate holdings and the stock investments.)
o Use a semicolon before and a comma after conjunctive adverbs used to join two
complete thoughts.
Motherboard assembly is a lengthy production process; however, the
individual assembly steps must still be tightly controlled.
o Use a comma following conjunctive adverbs at the beginning of a sentence.
Therefore, I am recommending that Pharmico reconsider the baseline
scores for the principal efficacy parameters.
Note: You may omit this comma if the sentence is short:
Thus the plan failed.
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Active Writing Exercise
Revise the following sentences so that all main verbs are in the active voice. If the
sentence is already in the active voice, just put (no revision needed).
EXAMPLE:
The consultant was hired by the manager.
The manager hired the consultant.
1. Our request for an increase in salary will be considered by the board at its next
meeting.
2. Our inability to agree is seen by management as a weakness.
3. The decision on the annual budget is always made by our board of directors.
4. Incorrect data on the computer should be deleted.
5. Our office manager will speak to us on Monday.
27
6. It will be necessary to downsize the company’s marketing department.
7. Problems should be reported to the office manager.
8. The check was signed by my boss.
9. Please be advised that these adjustments should be completed immediately.
10. The jobs were completed by the management team.
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Parts of the Business Letter
Date:
This should be the date the letter is written. Be sure to write out the
month and to include both the date and year for adequate reference.
Account
Number:
On occasion, you may wish to include such information as the account
number of the project, case or order that the letter refers to. The account
number should be physically separated from the date by two spaces
and from the part that follows (Confidential or Inside Address) by
two spaces.
Confidential:
Use this word when the person to whom the letter is addressed is the
only one to read the letter. Physically separate the word from the rest
of the letter by two lines. To assure confidentiality, include the word
“Confidential” on the envelope or use “Confidential” stickers.
Inside Address: This should include the name of the person you are writing, the
person’s title if available and the address.
Attention Line: This is used when you do not know the name of the person you are
writing and the letter is addressed to the firm. For example, the
attention line may say, “Attention: Head of Accounting.” It may
also be used when you know the name of the person you are writing
to, but are unsure of the title. The attention line may say, “Attention:
Customer Service,” thus indicating to the person receiving the letter
also needs to be routed to the Customer Service department.
Salutation:
The following are salutations used in American business letters:




Dear Sir:
Dear Madam: (may be follow by title, such as Dear Madam
Chairperson:)
Gentlemen:
Ladies:
29





Dear Mr. Bryan:
Dear Ms. Gray:
Ladies and Gentlemen
Dear Personnel Director: (a gender-free title)
To Whom It May Concern: or
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
(use this form as a last resort)
Caution: You must determine the appropriate choice, given your
reader and the situation. If you are uncertain about your reader’s
gender, avoid assuming gender in the salutation. Use your reader’s
name whenever you know it. Researchers have discovered that
people are more likely to read a letter with their names in the
salutation.
One of the problems you may run into is writing to a person with
a name that is not gender specific; for example, the name Terry.
The simplest solution in the salutation is to say, “Dear Terry Lucas.”
If you are addressing a group of people in general, such as the
shipping department, do not assume that they are all male. The
old “Gentlemen”: is not acceptable.
Subject Line:
The subject line is most commonly used in the Simplified Letter.
It announces the subject of the letter and provides a summary of your
intent.
Body:
This is where you make requests, provide information or reasons
or reply to someone. It is the main part of the business letter.
Close:
This varies in formality and is found in all business letters. The
following complimentary closes are in order of decreasing
formality:





Very truly yours,
Respectfully,
Sincerely yours,
Cordially,
Sincerely,
The most appropriate in general situations is the last.
30
Signature:
There should be four lines between the complimentary close and
your typed name so there is room for your signature.
Additional info: If needed, this consists of the sender’s initials in capital letters
followed by a colon, followed by the typist’s initials in small letters (KDS:jaw).
You may also find the abbreviations “Enc.” for enclosure and “cc:”
or “xc:” for copies sent, followed by names of persons receiving
the copies.
31
EXAMPLE OF A BUSINESS LETTER
August 30, 2005
(Date: month, day, year)
Mr. Sam Jones
President
KR Toys
344 Elm Drive
Wichita, KS 66500
(Inside Address – recipient’s “formal name, title, company
name, address, city, state, zip)
RE: Account #123456
(Account number, file number, etc)
Dear Mr. Jones:
(Salutation – formal)
This letter is to inform you of a problem I have had with a toy that I purchased at
your store.
(Body of Letter – purpose and details)
I purchased a karaoke machine at your store on December 20, 2004. It was to be
used for a New Years Eve party that my family had for some of my friends. That
evening, before the party, we plugged in the machine and set it up. When I first tried
to test the machine, the CD started to play sound, but there were no words on the
screen. We read the directions and tried other CD’s, but the machine never worked.
As you may guess, the party wasn’t the same without a karaoke machine. Therefore,
I wanted to write this letter to let you know what happened, and to ask that you use
brands that are more reliable than the one that I purchased.
Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
(Complimentary closing)
(Signature – 4 full spaces)
Emily Smith
(Typed name of letter writer)
32
The Seven “Cs” of Style
1. Conversational. Write the way you speak. Get rid of stilted phrases. Why say
“due to the fact that” when you can say “because”? Would you normally say “the
aforementioned information”? Why not “the information” or, if you need to refer
to a point, “the previous information”?
2. Clear. The goal of clarity is that the reader understands precisely what you are
saying. The language of your letter should be adapted to the recipient. This
means that you write in a matter-of-fact, conversational tone. Use specific
examples the reader can relate to. Don’t assume that your reader understands the
jargon of your trade. Clarity also means organizing your letter so each paragraph
deals with only one main idea and presenting your ideas in a logical order. Your
letter should not be a collection of random ideas. It should be single-minded in its
purpose.
3. Concise. A concise letter eliminates all unnecessary words. Why use four words,
“present point in time,” when you can use one word, “today”? This is not to say
It is better to write a short letter with attachments than a long, detailed one. Short
letters are read and remembered; long letters are skimmed and filed.
4. Complete. Make sure you have included all the information the reader needs to
know. Don’t include details that are interesting but not relevant. The biggest
problem with leaving out information is that the reader has to make assumptions.
For example, don’t say, “When we last spoke about the situation,” when you can
say, “When we spoke on June 8 about hiring a new administrative assistant.”
Remember that the reader can’t read your mind. The reader can only guess at
what you left out.
5. Concrete. Use specific terms that cannot be misunderstood. Identify names and
numbers. Write about what people can count or do. Include what people can see,
touch, smell, taste or hear. In other words, make your language tangible. Make it
concrete.
33
6. Constructive. Use words and phrases that set a positive tone. Constructive
words are like smiling when you greet someone. They leave a good impression.
Words such as “failure,” “you neglected” and “error” tend to distance the
recipient form the writer. Words such as “agreeable,” “proud” and “success” help
create a positive tone.
7. Correct. The last step in writing any business letter is to proofread it. You
automatically check your image in a mirror before going out or meeting someone.
The letter you send is your image on paper. If it is riddled with spelling,
grammatical and typographical error, it will detract from what you are trying to
get across. The reaction will be, “He can’t spell,” or “She doesn’t know how to
type.”
In a Nutshell
Writing a business letter need not be difficult as long as you remember that you
are communicating with another person just like yourself. If you incorporate
Subject, Audience, Purpose and Style/Organization into your correspondence, you
will be on the road to better business letter writing.
34
Correct any incorrect punctuation and spelling in the following letter:
March 29, 2005
Mr. John C. Fremont
2929 East Sycamore Street
Chicago IL 60601
Dear Mr. Freemont:
Thank you for meeting with us, and for your time and effort in preparing for the intervue.
We appreciate your accommodating us with a flexable schedule.
We are in the final stages of procesing your application and we need three more items for
our files. Your social security number permanent home address and your date of birth; as
soon as we get this information we can procede to complete your permanent records.
Everyone here at Sierra Central Credit Union is looking forward to working with you.
And we are eager to have you begin as soon as possible. Please, call me as soon as you
can with this information.
Sincerely,
Janet L. Estes
Senor Vice President
/jle
35
Revision in Business Writing
Few writers are so talented that they can express themselves clearly and effectively in a
rough draft. For short, routine business communications, you may be able to write quite
easily with little or no revision. However, for most business writing--especially longer,
more complex letters and reports--you should expect to revise, sometimes substantially,
to insure that you've said exactly what you meant to say in a manner that the reader will
understand.
Remember: An ineffective message is a waste of everyone's time.
Revision Provides a Service for Your Reader
If you are always satisfied to send out the first draft of your letter or report, you are not
serving your reader well. Not only are you asking a high payment in terms of your
reader's time and attention and running the risk that the reader may misinterpret or be
confused by what you have to say, but you are also risking your reader's low opinion:
careless, hasty, unrevised writing is always apparent.
Revision Requires a Shift in Your Perspective
To revise effectively, you must first distance yourself from your writing so that you can
respond objectively. In other words, you need to shift your perspective by assuming the
role of the reader. To accomplish this, you should get away from the paper for a while,
usually leaving it until the following morning. You may not be able to budget your time
this ideally; but you can put the paper aside while you visit a friend, grab a bite to eat, or
work on something else. Unless you divorce yourself from the paper, you will probably
remain under its spell: that is, you will see only what you think is on the page instead of
what is actually there. And you will be unable to transport yourself from your role of
writer to that of reader.
Such objective distance may at first seem difficult to achieve; however, the following
questions should help you to systematize the revision stage of your letter and report
writing and enable you to keep your reader in mind as you determine appropriate detail,
language, tone, organization, and mechanical correctness.
Detail: Deciding What to Include
1. What does my reader want or need to know to enable him or her to understand my
message?
2. Does my letter/report answer all the questions my reader has asked or questions he or
she may have in mind?
3. What is my purpose in writing this letter/report?
36
4. Does my letter/report give all the information needed to accomplish this purpose?
5. What purpose does this communication serve for my reader?
6. Have I included ONLY the material essential to my reader's purpose and
understanding? Or am I boring or distracting my reader with unessential and/or obvious
information?
7. What do I want my reader to do when he or she finishes reading my letter or report?
8. Have I included all the information he or she will need to enable my reader to easily
take this action or make this decision?
Language: Aiming for Conciseness and Clarity
1. Have I used ONLY the essential words to get my message across to my reader?
WORDY
CONCISE
Sale of surplus widgets is one of our
primary needs. (10)
We must sell our surplus widgets. (6)
This manual of instructions was
We prepared this instruction manual
prepared to aid our branches in being to help our branches serve their
helpful to their members. (16)
members. (12)
It is the responsibility of our
Production Department to see that it
meets the requirements of our Sales
Division. (19)
Our Production Department must
meet our Sales Division's
requirements. (9)
2. Have I used too many words to express simple, unimportant, or obvious ideas?
WORDY
The collision had the effect of a
destructive force on the duplicator.
(12)
Three days ago you asked us to
investigate the problem of discomfort
among your office workers. . . We
have made our study. Too low
humidity is apparently the main cause
of your problem. Your building is
steam-heated; therefore, your solution
is to. . . (41)
CONCISE
The collision destroyed the
duplicator. (5)
Too low humidity is apparently the
cause of your workers' discomfort.
Since your building is steam-heated,
your solution is to . . . (21)
37
3. Have I poured out ideas and facts too rapidly for the reader's comprehension?
Negative Example
Our deluxe models have chromium, rubber-insulated fixtures for durability, economy,
and easy maintenance, and convenient controls to cut down on installation costs and
necessary adjustments. They operate on AC or DC current and incorporate the latest
principles of electronic controls which means flexibility in their use, better adjustment of
the thermal units, less chance of error, and reduced labor costs per unit of production.
4. Have I used vague words instead of more vivid and convincing specific words?
VAGUE
contact
SPECIFIC
call, write, visit
slowly
about as fast as you normally walk
soon
by March 15
This television set is high quality.
All components in this television set
meet or exceed government
specifications for use in manned
satellites
5. Have I keyed the language to my reader's understanding?
EXCESSIVE, OVERWRITTEN
ACCESSIBLE, DIRECT
The defendant is renowned as a
The defendant drinks, chases other
person of intemperate habits. He is
women, and refuses to work.
known to partake heavily of
intoxicating beverages. Further, he
cultivates the company of others of
the distaff side, and wholly, regularly,
and consistently refuses and abstains
from earnest endeavors to gain
remuneration.
The choice of exogenous variables in Supply determines demand.
relation to multi-colinearity is
contingent upon the derivations of
certain multiple correlation
coefficients.
38
Tone: Tailoring Language to Your Audience
1. Have I expressed my ideas so that the reader will feel that I am helpful, courteous, and
human?
TACTLESS
TACTFUL
You neglected to take care of the
requirements of form 123.
To enjoy the full benefits of your new
ABC, simply follow the procedures
outlined on form 123.
We want our check.
To keep your account in the preferred
customer class, send our check for
$142.33 today.
2. Have I tailored my message to my reader's desires, problems, circumstances, and
probable reactions to the purpose of my message?
FLAT DETAIL
DETAIL ADAPTED TO READER
NEED
This cookware is guaranteed to with
stand temperature changes.
Because Creston cookware can
withstand extreme changes in heat
and cold, you can safely move any
piece from your freezer to your
microwave.
3. Have I emphasized "you", the reader, instead of "I" or "we"?
WE" ATTITUDE
"YOU" ATTITUDE
We are happy to have your order. We You will receive your solid walnut
shipped it this morning.
desk by Tuesday, October 23.
We regret that you've had so much
trouble with our product, and we
apologize for not solving your
problem sooner.
You were right to ask me about the
troubles you've been having with your
new car. Thank you for this
opportunity to answer your questions.
39
4. Have I expressed my ideas so they reflect good public relations for the company
(letters) or good human relations with my colleagues (reports)?
POOR ATTITUDE
GOOD ATTITUDE
You must remember that we've more
responsibility here at CEC than
worrying about some one's fingers
getting caught in some machine.
I've asked Mr. Sanders, a safety
consultant from Health Enterprises, to
investigate and suggest possible
procedure and machine modifications.
It's hardly possible that our trigger
To prevent your gun from misfiring
could have misfired without some
again, we will gladly replace the
contributing cause; nevertheless, to
trigger you have.
help out those who lack technical
know-how, a company as responsible
as Creative Guns can gladly replace
the trigger you have.
5. Have I tactfully avoided words and phrases which imply that my reader is dishonest,
careless, or mentally deficient?
TACTLESS
Obviously, if you'd read your policy
carefully, you'd be able to answer
these questions yourself.
TACTFUL
I'm glad to clear up these questions
for you.
In order to complete the claim you
made, simply. . .
To complete your transaction, . . .
6. Have I stressed the positive and avoided emphasizing ideas my reader may view
unfavorably?
NEGATIVE
I regret to inform you that your
admission to candidate status has
been delayed until you complete the
following requirements.
POSITIVE
Before you are admitted to candidate
status, you will need to complete the
following requirements.
On March 3, we sent you the
To receive your check from Student
accidental injury forms and requested Insurance, please file the accidental
that you return them to the Health
injury form we sent you on March 3.
Center. It is now March 27, and we
have not yet received your reply.
40
Organization: Fitting the Form to Message and Audience
1. Have I structured my letter or report according to what my reader's reaction to my
message is likely to be?


Have I used the direct approach (which begins with good news or the main idea
and fills in necessary explanation later) when my reader is likely to consider my
message favorable or neutral?
Have I used the indirect approach (which begins with a buffer and requires
necessary explanation and detail before the decision is stated) when my reader is
likely to consider my message unfavorably or when he or she will need to be
persuaded?
2. Have I included transitions which will show my reader the relationships between my
sentences and paragraphs?
3. Does one paragraph logically follow the preceding paragraph and lead into the one
which follows?
Correctness: Using Conventional Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation
Since most writers have problems with only particular types of spelling, grammar, and/or
punctuation errors, you should read through your final drafts carefully--looking for those
errors which you frequently commit. Slowly reading through your letter or report once
for EACH of these errors will, in most cases, insure that your reader's attention will be
focused on your message, not on your mechanical errors.
Brought to you by the Purdue University Online Writing Lab
The following information must remain intact on every handout printed for distribution.
This page is located at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/print/pw/p_revisebus.html
Copyright ©1995-2004 by OWL at Purdue University and Purdue University. All rights
reserved.
Use of this site, including printing and distributing our handouts, constitutes acceptance
of our terms and conditions of fair use, available at
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/lab/fairuse.html.
To contact OWL, please visit our contact information page at
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/lab/contact.html to find the right person to call or email.
41
EXERCISE: Letter Editing
Read through the three paragraphs below; then rewrite the letter to make it clearer, more
concise, and grammatical. You may rewrite sentences, but make sure that the original
meaning is not lost.
AJAX BOATS
March 16, 2005
Annette Clark
Marketing Director
Central Coast Boat Fabrics
1493 Main Street
Morro Bay, Ca 93442
Dear Annette:
Thank you for bringing to are attention your product. Kevlar is a good material to make
boat hulls out of because it is not heavy like other hull fabrics and since it is used to make
bulletproof vests and tank armor it is strong. It is difficult to punctuate a boat made of
kevlar.
Unfortunately, kevlar is expensive and kevlar is very difficult to work with due to it’s
strength. We at the present time do not have the necessary tools to work with this fabric.
For now, we will continue to construct the boats that we make out of fiberglass. As soon
as we are ready for kevlar, however, you can be sure that your company will be carefully
considered as a kevlar supplier.
Sincerely,
A.J. Smith
42
Ten Techniques for
Effective Communication
1. Keep your writing clear, concise, and simple.
2. Choose your words carefully.
3. Be natural.
4. Avoid fad words, jargon, and clichés.
5. Use active verbs, avoid passive construction.
6. Take a stand, make a commitment.
7. Use familiar words---plain English.
8. Be specific: avoid vagueness.
9. Eliminate redundant expressions.
10. Keep your audience in mind.
43
Parts of a Business Letter Worksheet
Directions: Use the list of word choices to answer the following questions.
Salutation
Signature
Writers typed name
date
inside address
body
complimentary closing
return address
1. ________________ is the place for the writer to handwrite their name.
2. The recipients name, company name, and address are called the
_______________________.
3. The purpose of the letter is included in the ________________________.
4. Yours truly, is an example of a ________________________________.
5. The last line in a business letter is the _____________________________.
6. The ________________ is when the letter is written.
7. The ______________________is the address of the letter writer.
8. Dear Mr. Johnson is a __________________________.
Write your own formal business letter using WORD. Include ALL parts of a
formal business letter and be sure it is in the correct format. There should not be
any spelling or grammatical errors and it must be written in clear, concise
language.
44
E-mail
Despite some problems with its use, electronic mail is part of today’s high-tech business
world. It is now a valuable tool, and it will become even more valuable as employees
learn how best use its strengths and avoid its weaknesses.
Email invites spontaneity – what some have called “written speech” – unhampered by old
notions of etiquette, unguarded, casual, and personal in tone. At the same time,
businesses own their Email networks and have a serious interest in ensuring that they are
used in productive ways. For Email, you should adopt a conversational, businesslike
tone.
Electronic mail will not prevent misunderstandings and erroneous messages. A written
message is neither better nor less ambiguous just because it is in electronic form. Use the
phone when you want to get immediate feedback or response to your message. For
instance, if you have a request or if your message requires extra tact and the personal
touch, use the phone. The computer screen can seem cold and unfeeling, for example,
when the writer has to send unpleasant or negative messages.
When using electronic mail:
1. Choose electronic mail when you want to communicate information rapidly and
when the information is better conveyed by computer than by phone or hard copy.
2. Write an eye-catching entry (subject) line.
3. Preview key content up front and limit your document to one page if possible.
4. Review and revise (as necessary) your file before sending it to readers.
5. Signal clearly the end of your message.
6. One should always make the effort to be courteous – regardless if they are
frustrated, challenged, annoyed or confused.
45
Tone
Tone refers to the feeling or impression a document conveys to its readers. It is one of
the products of the writer’s style. Tone is the impression readers receive from your
writing and the attitude conveyed in your treatment of the subject. We usually describe
the tone of a piece of writing with these words:
abrasive
aggressive
assertive
authoritative
blunt
bureaucratic
casual
cold
condescending
courteous
demanding
discourteous
distant
earnest
engaging
formal
forthright
friendly
impersonal
informal
informative
objective
officious
personal
polite
sincere
stiff
subjective
threatening
warm
Most of the time, your business documents should be:
courteous
forthright
friendly
helpful
informal
informative
personal
polite
sincere
warm
The extent to which your documents are personal will depend on your relationship with
the reader. But never fail to be courteous, polite, informative, sincere, and helpful. You
should never write documents that are:
abrasive
discourteous
bureaucratic
blunt
cold
condescending
Good business documents – no matter how tough or adversarial they are – should never
be discourteous.
46
Tone reflects your attitude toward your subject and your readers. Your writing may
strike your readers as personal or impersonal, friendly or distant. You may sound warm
and engaging or cold and abrupt.
1. Use pronouns to establish a personal, human tone in letters and memos.
2. Make your letters and memos sound very much like the language you would
choose if you actually talked with the readers.
3. Choose sentence structures that reflect a friendly, conversational tone.
4. Include personal information and personal references.
5. Choose your paper, typeface, and format to reflect a personal, friendly tone.
47
E-mail When Your Message Is:
Brief
Informal
Sent to a number of people
Timely
Urgent

Double check every e-mail address before sending your message. The system is
absolutely unforgiving. “Almost correct” doesn’t cut it.

Use a subject line, a word or brief phrase to tell your reader right away what the
e-mail is about.

Start with “Hi” or Hello,” or the person’s name followed by a comma or dash.
The “Dear” convention of letters is generally too formal for email.

State your message clearly.

If appropriate, tell what action you expect: a telephone call, an e-mail response,
attendance at a meeting. When the e-mail is simply for their information, indicate
this.

Close with a courtesy, if you wish, or with just your name.

Don’t write anything you don’t want the whole world to know.

Don’t send an urgent message by e-mail unless you know the person is expecting
it or you call to say it’s coming.

Don’t write angry e-mails; it’s too easy to fire off our first thoughts and regret
them afterwards.

Don’t use all capital letters unless you want the recipient to understand that you
are YELLING.
48
Example words:
Announce
Answer
Attachment
explain
following
forwarding
inform
inquire
notify
remind
reply
respond
Phrases:
Alert you to the possibility
Ask your help
Do you know
For your information
Here are
In answer to your question
Information you wanted/requested
just a note to let you know
please let me know ASAP
send me a copy of
speedy response
wanted to follow up
will you please send
49
 Remember the three Cs of good writing. Is your writing Clear, Crisp and
Concise? Do you use active verbs? Instead of “The instructions are enclosed,”
try “I have enclosed the instructions.” As you read newspapers and magazine,
look for dull, lifeless writing. How would you wake it up?
 Study your favorite authors. What makes their writing work? Read your favorite
passages to see what gives their writing impact.
 Write and rewrite. As with any skill, the more you practice, the more proficient
you become.
50
Resources

Better Business Writing by Susan L. Brock

Style Guide by Franklin Covey

http://cctc.commnet.edu/grammar/quizzes/cross

Business Letters for Busy People by Jim Dugger

The Money Instructor

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/lab/contact.html

Powerful Communication Skills by Colleen McKenna
51