“CHARACTER CHAOS” ROLES You are an evil and dastardly villain. You have a long mustache that you twirl whenever you are plotting a scheme. You cackle evilly. Your fingernails are very, very dirty, and you bite them. You are a four-year-old boy. You enjoy sucking your thumb but know that big boys aren’t supposed to do that, so you always catch yourself. Your pants always slip down, so you have to keep tugging them up. You are an old woman of ninety-two. You like to laugh like a hyena, and you carry around your purse wherever you go. You wear a wig that is constantly slipping down over one eye. You wiggle when you walk. You are a massive St. Bernard dog. You carry around a barrel on your collar in case you have to revive someone. You howl when you sense danger. You drool because your tongue is always hanging out. You are a twenty-two-year-old movie star. You are beautiful, with long, flowing blonde curls. You like to play with your hair, and do it without even realizing it. Your outfit is a little too skimpy for everyday wear, but you wear it proudly anyway. You love it when people stare at you. You are an over-the-hill wrestler. You’ve packed on about thirty pounds more than you should have, and your belly is flabby. You, however, think you are still very manly, and like to flex what used to be your muscles. Your hair is receding, but you try to hide it with a comb-over. You need a good shave and some deodorant. You are a brilliant young game designer. You choose not to show your wealth in your outward appearance, so your hair is a little too shaggy, your clothes are casual and pretty rumpled, and you are a bit scruffy. When you speak, you show how brilliant you are with your vocabulary, even if it IS mostly about computers and gaming. You are a sixteen-year-old skater. You have droopy oversized pants, and like to show your boxers sticking out the top. You wear your hat backwards, and have a nose piercing. You want to get more piercings, but your mother won’t let you. You talk like a rapper. You are an overworked, frustrated, exhausted mother of five. You are tired of constantly driving your children everywhere. You desperately need a haircut and would love some time to yourself. Because you are around your children so much, you are starting to talk to everyone like they are five years old. You carry a huge purse and a ton of bags. You are a wealthy socialite in your sixties. You spend all of your husband’s money on expensive clothes and lunching with the ladies at the golf course. You speak with a pretend English accent, but when you get upset, your real voice comes through. You like to show off your money and impress everyone, but you are totally shallow. Your name is Domingo, and you are a young Spanish-speaking dog-walker from Equador. You have come to this country to learn English better. You practise on the dogs you walk, but your comments sound funny aimed at animals, especially with your accent. You are always getting caught in the leashes. Your girlfriend Juanita is back home. You are Fifi, a French poodle. Your owner has dyed your hair a bright pink colour. You have a diamond collar on, and enjoy twisting your head to show it off. You walk with your tail, and your nose, in the air. You are a baby. You needed your diaper changed an hour ago. It’s heavy and full, and very uncomfortable. You can’t talk, you can only grunt and cry. Your cries sound different, depending on what you want. You are a black cat, but you are not an ordinary feline. You are actually an undercover detective. You can speak seven languages, including English. No one suspects you are anything other than a normal black cat, so you are excellent at your job. You like to clean your whiskers when you are coming up with a plan. It calms you down. You are after a killer who has murdered your former master. You won’t sleep ‘til you catch the killer…and you’re constantly searching for clues. You are an animal freak. You talk about animals all the time. You go to the zoo once a week and belong to the animal of the month club. You keep trying to pick up girls but your pick up lines always freak them out because you only talk about animals. You are a hippie. With long hair, bell bottom jeans and you wish only love, peace and happiness for everyone. You are too happy and with love for your fellow mankind and you keep getting into trouble for touching and hugging people in your attempt to spread love and friendship to everyone. A mad scientist! You spend all your free time working on scientific equations and experiments. The experiments seem to go wrong more than they go right. Your hair is frizzy and unkempt and you keep losing pencils and pens in it. You where your white lab coat everywhere. You are a retired olympic gymnast. You talk about the glory days a little too often. People often get annoyed with your stories (they've heard them so many times) that you constantly start your sentences with, ”I may have told you this before”. You are a medical student wannabe. You flunked out of pre-med, but pretend that you are still enrolled in the program. You talk in medical jargon and when people around you get hurt you rush in like a paramedic. You are a pregnant woman. Your due date isn't for another 2 weeks but you are exhausted and crabby from carrying this baby around for 9 months. You're whiney and demanding and often feeling sorry for yourself. You are a struggling artist. You know if you could just get one gallery showing your career would take off. You are always asking people if they know anyone who can get you that one showing. You walk around carrying your large portfolio of work, hoping that someone will stop you and ask to see it (to discover you!) You are a 2nd year psychology student. You think you know everything there is to know about therapy. You're driving your friends crazy by diagnosing them all the time. People are starting to avoid you. You are an over the hill movie star. No one asks you to star in their movies anymore but you still think all the world is a stage. You are acting the next big scene: your own washed up existence. Everyone you meet is a character in the story of your life. When you talk you act like you are being filmed. People are often looking over their shoulders around you to see where the director is to call “cut”. You own a reptile store. You love reptiles and have begun to look like one. Your hair is slicked back at all times and your eyes are always darting around the room. You constantly stick your tongue out of your mouth like a snake and you eat your food quickly. You are a nervous little man. You are a homeless old woman. Your teeth are all rotted and your clothes and hair are filthy. Your regular “home” is in the doorway to an old apartment building. You are constantly looking over your shoulder for people who want to steal your valuables and/or the police who want to move you out of the doorway. You are a close talker with really bad breath. People see you coming and try to avoid you. They back away while you are speaking but you don't notice. You keep moving closer and touching them as you talk. You think that everything you have to say is really funny or interesting. You have been stood up by your prom date. You are at home crying and eating ice cream in your formal wear. Your make up is running down your face from your tears and your mom and dad have rented movies to “hang out with you and make you feel better”. You are the person that seems to always miss out on the start of conversations. You never know what is going and you don't care. You start a new conversation about yourself. You are a very sensitive person and cry easily. When people talk about things that you think are sad you burst into tears. You are a cruise line director. You give tours on the ship and always talk like a salesperson. Even when you are not at work you can't seem to stop talking like a tour guide. You even dress like one and wear your nametag everywhere.