Communication Style Grid
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Voice
Eyes
Posture
Characteristics of
behavior
Consequences:
A. Outcome
Passive
Apologetic words
Veiled meanings
Rambling
Failure to say what
you mean
Powerless language
Weak, hesitant, soft Firm, warm,
sometimes wavering relaxed, well
modulated
Averted, downcast, Open, frank, direct,
teary, pleading
eye to eye contact
Stooped, shrunken,
sagging, excessive
head nodding
Does not express
own rights, needs
and desires
Permits others to
infringe on their
rights
Emotionally
dishonest, indirect,
inhibited
Allows others to
choose
Does not achieve
desired goal(s)
Hurt, anxious, feel
non-valued, not
confident, angry at
yourself
C. Other persons Guilty, superior or
angry
feelings about
themselves
D. Other persons Irritated, pity,
feelings about you disgusted
B. Your feelings
when you do it
Assertive
Objective words
Direct Statements
Honest expressions
of wants and
feelings
“I statements”
Straight-on, relaxed,
well-balanced
Expresses and
asserts own rights,
needs, desires
Stands up for
legitimate rights in a
way that rights of
others are not
violated
Emotionally honest,
direct, expressive
Chooses for self
Aggressive
Subjective words
Loaded statements
Accusations
Superior words
“You statements”
Tense, loud, cold,
demanding,
authoritative
Narrowed,
expressionless, cold,
staring
Stiff and rigid, feet
apart, hands on hips
Expresses own
rights at expense of
others
Inappropriate
outburst or hostile
over-reaction
Emotionally honest,
but at others
expense
Chooses for others
May achieve desired Achieves desired
goal(s)
goal(s) by hurting
others
Feel good about
Angry, righteous,
self, confident, self
depreciatory,
respecting
possibly guilty later
Valued
Respected
Hurt
Humiliated
Generally respectful
Angry
Vengeful