If It Does Not Feel Right it is Probably Wrong
Lately there have been a number of issues which have brought a small cloud of
gloom and doom over my house here in the Village of Adelphia. Maybe worry
would be a better term, or perhaps even concern. One issue involves a project
upon which I have been laboring. The other involves my health. Now I know that
I should be more concerned about my health, but it is this project that has just
become a real bear to handle.
Anyway, I want to share these things with you. These issues have caused me to
pause and ponder the manner in which I am living my life. My life is by no means
perfect however, I keep good notes. In this way I can discuss what is happening
to me and how I react to it, in hopes that maybe it can help you deal with the
alligators which are in the swamp you are attempting to drain.
Let me lay this out simply. Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a project,
or some other sort of thing you had done many times before, and then suddenly
felt uncomfortable about what it was that you were doing? I know that this has
happened to me on a number of occasions during my career as a firefighter,
officer, or consultant. However, it has never been this bad.
There were times during my career in Newark where I found myself in places not
of my own making or choosing. Many were the times where I felt uncomfortable.
Not that I was breaking a law or violating a regulation, No, I just found myself to
be in a place where I felt I should not have been.
It is never a good thing when you are feeling disquieted within, because of the
doubts which come rushing into you mind, along with the bad feelings. I saw a
particularly telling quotation in my local newspaper recently. It caught my eye
instantly and riveted itself into my mind's eye. Let me share it with you.
"To ignore your conscience is to invite trouble."
Given the wide array of political garbage being spewed from our televisions into
our homes this election season, perhaps this is a phrase that should be branded
onto the forehead of every individual running for elected office. It is also a critical
bit of advice for people who provide consulting advice to clients in the fire service
(or in any field of endeavor for that matter).
There is another way of saying this that makes it even more relevant and easily
identified for each of us. I say to you that if something feels wrong do not do it. If
something really feels wrong to you, then it is probably something you should
refrain from doing. If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong. This is particularly true
if it is something which is patently offensive to the instincts by which we are
supposed to live our lives.
Now my friends let me take a few moments to describe my own current
quandary. I am in the midst of a project now that has started to feel wrong: really
wrong. I have done scores of similar projects over the past quarter of a century
and of course I am no stranger to controversy. However this is the first time that
everything about the project has assumed an aura of wrongness. I now find that
there are players in this equation who really have no business adding their voices
to the fray.
As is my way, I shall avoid mentioning names and places. However this whole
assignment has so thoroughly upset me that I have chosen to consider
withdrawing from the project. I have invested far more time and effort in it than
the retainer which I received for my efforts would justify, but money is not an
issue here. I am sure that those about whom I am writing will see through the
verbiage and consider the depth and range of my quandary.
I am at a point in my consulting career where I am entertaining doing something
that I have never done before. I may well be on the verge of sending the client's
retainer funds back to them with a warning. The agency in question desperately
needs help, however the environment is strewn with a series of potential
landmines, both obvious and hidden.
Frankly my friends, I think that these folks do not need a consultant. They need
a magician. As a dear friend and Brother Mason said to me the other day, "they
want a political solution to what is essentially a technical problem."
These folks retained the service of my firm in hopes of creating a solution to a
series of serious technical problems. I was asked to perform a municipal fire
protection review. This is something I do several times a year. However, in this
case there was a distinct difference. The client hired me about ten years too late.
A great deal of money has been spent with no real objective in mind. There also
seems to be a great deal of confusion as to who is in charge, and I believe that I
am also witnessing another case of the tail wagging the dog. I was asked to
come in and assess the situation.
Normally this sort of thing is the meat and potatoes of my consulting practice.
Like I said, I have worked on this sort of assignment scores of times over the
past quarter of a century. Unfortunately there are those people in this instance
who do not have the best interests of the fire department at the heart of their
being.
There are those whose soul function appears to be to harass my client into
holding down their expenses. I could be wrong, but no one amongst this select
group seems to have any background within the fire service. They just do not
want to spend money.
What set my heart a whirling was a threatening phone call. No, not the kind
where Tony Soprano tells "Pauly Walnuts" to make the big guy disappear. No
my friends, this was a different sort of call. I was told in no uncertain terms that
unless I wrote a report that satisfied this outside group, my work would be
distained and ignored. Lest you think I am kidding, I have recorded this message
off of my machine to remind me of the agenda that some people have in life.
I have tossed the ball into the court of my clients. I laid down the necessary
parameters for my continued work in their community. They desperately need
my opinions, comments, and directions. However, I am not going to go into a
project and subject myself to the threats of people with an agenda.
There is a real danger in this situation. The people who are creating the furor do
not want to spend money. However, their repeated attacks have demoralized an
otherwise fine body of fire people. Herein are sown the seeds of a serious
problem.
These same penurious people who think the budget is too high now will stroke
out when they get the bill for a full career department: after the run off all of the
dedicated volunteers. Can't happen? I say that the seeds have already been
sown and are being watered by the torrents of dissention in that community.
I tell you this story for one simple reason. If something does not seem right, then
it probably is not right. I do not want to sully my hard-earned reputation by
having people say that I take jobs like this and write reports that are pre-ordained
by my clients.
That is not me. It never was, nor will it ever be. All that is involved here is
money. Time will tell how this one plays out.
Now on to another target. If you recall, at the beginning of this article I
mentioned that a couple of things were working on my psyche. I shared the
work. Now let me get just a bit more personal. I have not been feeling like
myself lately. There is nothing major going on with me (or at least I hope there
isn't), but I seem to be tired all the time.
Last week I finally bit the bullet and went to my physician. After listing my
feelings and symptoms, I paused a moment and waited for her response. God
bless her, she sure was direct. She noted that my blood pressure was up a bit
and suspected the same for my blood sugar. She also noted that I had not only
ignored her advice to lose weight, but had in fact gone in the opposite direction.
I then mentioned an incident which happened during a speaking assignment in
Alaska last year. I also outlined the pressures from the assignment of which I
wrote earlier in this commentary, as well as the many other exciting things going
on in my life. She listened, nodded her head, and jotted down a number of
notes.
Then she leaned toward me and gave me a simple, but direct warning. She told
me that I was at a crossroads place in my life. She outlined the path that I was
taking with its negative consequences. She then outlined the path that she
would prefer I travel. She asked nothing unreasonable of me. The good doctor
merely stated the obvious.
I am in the midst of a series of tests now. Hopefully they will find nothing is really
wrong. This is a case where another variant of the rule I applied earlier also has
meaning. If something feels wrong, then maybe something is wrong.
My friends, I am having just a bit too much fun to check out of this hotel yet. I
have a couple of books which should be out before Christmas. One is about my
Road Trip and the other is a series of monologues about my view of leadership. I
will let you know when and where you can find these tomes.
Let me close with a simple request. I need your help. I ask for your prayers that
the Supreme Architect of the Universe will shine His guiding light upon the proper
road I am to travel. Heaven knows that I need all of the help I can get.