December 19, 2014
Aims
SWBAT . . .
 define “repetitive writing” and “wordy writing.”
 revise repetitive and wordy writing into concise
writing.
Agenda:
1. Do Now
2. Notes
3. Guided Practice
4. Independent Practice
5. Homework Review
Good Morning, CCA Students!
DUE: ________________________________________
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Writing
8th Grade
Ms. Pickett
(614) 980-1428
Synthesizing Literature
Repetitive Writing 18
_________________________
Date: __________________________
Homeroom: ______________________
Name:
Objective
SWBAT define “repetitive writing” and “wordy writing.”
SWBAT revise repetitive and wordy writing into concise writing.
Do Now
Directions: Use semicolons and/or commas to revise each sentence below.
1. The sun is a star however the earth is a planet.
2. Most people taste their food first they salt it later.
3. The shortstop dropped the ball the runner scored.
4. We saw a light in Tom's room therefore we knew he was home.
5. I'm planting a garden again this year in fact I'm adding two rows of peas.
6. The plane was one hour late nevertheless it arrived at its final destination on
time.
7. The wedding took place in the chapel then the guests threw handfuls of rice.
8. Selfish people are rarely happy on the other hand happy people are rarely
selfish.
DUE: ________________________________________
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Notes
Repetitive writing is a _________________________ quality in writing. If you are
writing in repetitively, it means you are __________________________ words and
ideas too often. Unskilled writers write in a way that is repetitive. CCA students
____________________________. An antonym of repetitive writing is
______________________ ___________________.
Concise writing is a _____________________ quality in writing that means you state
your ideas clearly without repeating yourself, and without adding in unnecessary
words.
Examples

My mom had a conference with my teacher about how I chew watermelonflavored gum in class and sit in my desk backwards. I didn’t think it was such a
big deal to eat watermelon-flavored gum and sit in my desk backwards, but
apparently now I am no longer able to chew watermelon-flavored gum and sit
in my desk backwards!
My concise revision:

My dog loves to eat peanut butter sandwiches. I don’t know why—she just
loves them. The peanut butter part of the peanut butter sandwich sticks to
her teeth and so then she licks the peanut butter off of her teeth for hours. It
seems like a lot of hard work. I have no idea why she loves to eat peanut
butter sandwiches.
My concise revision:
DUE: ________________________________________
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Steps to Making Repetitive Writing More Concise
Step One
Step Two
Step Three
Step Four
Read and reread the writing. Identify and underline the
sentences that seem repetitive.
Think about how to fix the repetition. There are a number of
ways:
 delete the repetitive parts
 combine sentences and ideas
 rewrite the sentences to be more concise
Revise. Put your plain into action! Do it! Make sure your
handwriting is legible.
Double-check your work. Make sure in your revision to fix
repetitive writing, you didn’t create a new problem!
Stop and Jot
Why is concise writing preferred over repetitive writing?
Guided Practice
Directions: Revise the following repetitive sentences into concise sentences. Follow
the steps. This means you should have underlined the repetitive passages.
1. I really like to eat marshmallows and pickles. I also really like graham crackers
and sushi. Additionally, I also really like to eat raspberry jam and hardboiled
eggs.
My concise revision:
DUE: ________________________________________
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2. On New Year’s Eve, I am going to the Taco Bell drive-thru and ordering
nineteen Dorito tacos. Dorito tacos are the best, and I want to celebrate
New Year’s Eve the right way. In addition to nineteen Dorito Tacos, I will also
get an extra-large Mr. Pibb at Taco Bell.
My concise revision:
3. After reading To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, I feel like I know a lot about
racism and violence in the south during the depression. Racism and violence
is really hard for me to read about, but I think Harper Lee does a good job
writing about it in To Kill a Mockingbird.
My concise revision:
4. When I go to the doctor’s office, I am always a little scared, even though
nothing bad ever happens to me there. When I go to the doctor’s office, I
usually get my ears checked, my sight checked, and my reflexes checked.
When I leave the doctor’s office, my physical is complete and I am ready to
play sports and participate in school activities.
My concise revision:
DUE: ________________________________________
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Independent Practice
Directions: Revise the following repetitive sentences into concise sentences. Follow
the steps. This means you should have underlined the repetitive passages.
1. I feel happy when I think of writing class. I also feel joy when I think of Ms. Pickett’s
writing class. I know I’ll be challenged in writing class, and that Ms. Pickett wants
me to succeed. Writing class is really great.
My concise revision:
2. My favorite food is pizza and chicken wings. I love to put Ranch dressing on both
pizza and chicken wings. Last night, we got pizza and chicken wings because
my mom was in a rush and didn’t have enough time to make dinner. I love pizza
and chicken wings.
My concise revision:
3. Write your own example of a repetitive passage below. (4 sentences)
4. Now, revise it into a concise passage. (aim for 2 sentences)
DUE: ________________________________________
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Notes
Writing that is ________________________________ is similar to repetitive writing
because both use more words than they need to. Both wordy and repetitive
writing are seen as ___________________________ qualities.
Wordy writing is . . .
Examples:

He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for
him to help support his family.
Revision:

It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus
company within the next few days.
Revision:

There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting
foreign students may come to know one.
Revision:
DUE: ________________________________________
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
It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on
purpose.
Revision:

Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established
for the safety of all.
Revision:

In the not too distant future, eighth graders must all become aware of the
fact that some high schools may not grant you permission to attend just
because you submitted an application.
Revision:

Taylor brought some candy back from Europe. It wasn't shaped like
American candy. The candy tasted kind of strange to him.
Revision:

Some people believe in capital punishment, while other people are
against it; there are many opinions on this subject.
Revision:
DUE: ________________________________________
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More Practice
Directions: Read the following passage below. Using the proofreading marks,
identify which areas are repetitive or wordy.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain is one of the most censored books in
the United States due to the harsh language and the alleged racist portrayal of Jim, an
escaped slave. The book is the sixth most censored book in the United States due
largely to its harsh language and racism, yet it clearly promotes positive morals through
the many characters in the story. Huck, the narrator of the story, is a young and openminded character, who demonstrates several positive morals. Although at times Huck
uses harsh language, Huck allows Twain to reveal through him the horrors of American
society at the time. In The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain uses the racist “nword” in order to accurately show the period of time the story takes place in. Many
people argue that this is inappropriate, but if The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was
written without this word, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn would not be realistic. The
book uses racist language in order to tell of our racist history—but the book itself is not
racist. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn promotes positive morals through the actions
of Jim and Huck and portrays the character of Jim in a non-racist way. However, not
everyone who reads the book believes that this is what Mark Twain is doing in the novel.
Many people believe that using the “n-word” 219 times is excessive, and that Twain
does not promote positive morals in the book, and that Twain portrays Jim in a racist
way.
DUE: ________________________________________
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8th Grade
Ms. Pickett
(614) 980-1428
Synthesizing Literature
Repetitive Writing 18
Writing
STRIVE Due Date: 1/5
Accepted Until: 1/12
________________________
Date: _________________________
Homeroom: _____________________
Name:
A
B
C
D
F
________ /5
Directions: Review the chart below. The following passages are repetitive. Revise
them on the lines below.
Steps to Making Repetitive Writing More Concise
Step One
Step Two
Step Three
Step Four
Read and reread the writing. Identify and underline the
sentences that seem repetitive.
Think about how to fix the repetition. There are a number of
ways:
a. delete the repetitive parts
b. combine sentences and ideas
c. rewrite the sentences to be more concise
Revise. Put your plain into action! Do it! Make sure your
handwriting is legible.
Double-check your work. Make sure in your revision to fix
repetitive writing, you didn’t create a new problem!
1. My friend Mark likes to listen to jazz music. Jazz music is innovative music
that was developed in New Orleans after slavery. It’s remarkable to think
that such innovative music was able to happen after slavery.
Concise Revision:
2. My Aunt Jenny is a firefighter on the east side of Columbus. I can’t
imagine what it must be like to be a woman firefighter; I bet it’s really
difficult to be one of the only women on the firefighting squad.
Concise Revision:
DUE: ________________________________________
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3. When I get home from school every day, I love to do two things: take a
quick nap and then watch YouTube videos. I love to take a quick a nap
every day when I get home from school because I’m usually pretty tired. I
love to watch YouTube videos every day when I get home because
they’re usually funny.
Concise Revision:
4. There are three reasons why we shouldn’t have to wear uniforms to
school. The first reason we shouldn’t wear uniforms to school is because it
diminishes creativity. The second reason we shouldn’t have to wear
uniforms to school is because sometimes the weather is severe (either
really cold or really hot) and students can’t dress appropriately for the
weather. The third reason we shouldn’t have to wear uniforms to school is
because it’s wasteful to make families buy uniforms when they already
have clothes at home.
Concise Revision:
5. Define wordy writing. Define repetitive writing. What is the difference
between the two? How are they similar? How are they different? (3
sentences required)
SKILL CHECK
The following skills need improvement:
DUE: ________________________________________
o
spelling
o
capitalization
o
punctuation
o
neatness
o
complete sentences
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