Series: “Heroes”
Sermon: “David - Loving A Rebellious Child”
Scripture: 2 Samuel 13-19
Speaker: Pastor Charlie Jones
Date: March 2 & 3, 2013
OUTLINE
Lessons to learn:
1. Regardless of what your children do, stay involved in their lives because God is not
finished with them
2. Regardless of what your children do, be willing to show proper discipline
3. Regardless of what your children do, be willing to pray for them
4. Regardless of what your children do, never burn the last bridge – always give them a
way back
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Typically, what is your first reaction when dealing with a rebellious child, friend or
family member – compassion/understanding or frustration/anger?
The people in your Life Group may all be compassionate and understanding, but most of us have
a tendency to respond immediately to this type of situation with frustration and anger.
James 1:19-20
19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to
anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires. ESV
We all need to be reminded that our anger never accomplishes God’s righteous desires. He will
accomplish His desires when we submit and obey.
TAKE NOTE: When we choose to not get angry about a person’s rebellion, that doesn’t mean that we
agree with or condone their actions. Quite the opposite – we are to “speak the truth in love” like
Ephesians 4:15 teaches.
2. Pastor Charlie said we are to never stop praying for the one who is rebellious. What
specific things should you pray for this person? (John 8:32; Philippians 1:3-11; Titus
3:1-7)
We need to pray specifically. God can do anything He chooses, but He instructs to pray and He
chooses to work through our prayers. We can pray these kind of things:
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For them to accept Christ (be transformed) if they haven’t done that
for them to be open to truth
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for their submission to God's authority
for God to get the glory in their life
for restoration of the relationship
for them to get sick of their sin
for lasting change in their thinking and habits
3. The nature of sin and rebellion is that it seems to satisfy us initially, but it is ultimately
unfulfilling. Read 2 Samuel 13:1-19. What was the result for Amnon? How was it
different than his expectation?
This is a classic example of a person convincing themselves that sin will satisfy them and then
experiencing exactly the opposite after they have committed that sinful act. This is not unusual.
Think of the times when you have been deceived by what sin promised!
Amnon convinced himself that he loved Tamar. But the truth was that he lusted for Tamar. That
is very typical of how Satan and our flesh will tell us lies in order to get us in bondage to sin.
4. We learned that we should stay involved in the rebellious child's (person's) life. What
can you do if that person doesn't want you to be involved in their life? (Hint: doing
nothing is the wrong answer!)
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Continue to communicate with them in any way possible
Speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). We can love without speaking the truth – that is
wimpy! We can also speak the truth in a way that does not communicate love – that is
fleshly and irresponsible.
Pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17)
Show our love by doing helpful things (that do not encourage their rebellion)
5. Proper discipline in times of rebellion is a huge challenge. Pastor Charlie said discipline
is an expression of love. How do you determine what proper discipline is? What do
you do when they are adults? (Proverbs 13:24; Hebrews 12:5-8)
This is not a textbook on disciplining your children, so we’re not going to attempt to give
specifics for every situation – just a few principles to guide how we exercise discipline when a
child rebels (see the two scripture references below):
 Remember that our love is demonstrated when we give our children boundaries
(discipline)- in fact, no discipline = no real love
 Diligence (being consistent) is absolutely critical – whatever your choices are regarding
discipline
 Never assume your children know you love them, tell them often and show them often
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Remember that you are teaching your children about a loving God who exercises
discipline – their view of God, comes from your model
Discipline when a child is in your home is challenging enough, but when the child is an adult no
longer living in your home, it is very tricky! That is the time when it is absolutely critical that you
have earned the respect of your adult child or you will not be able to speak truth into their life.
At this point, discipline takes the form of continuing to set the standard and expectations, loving
the person and never giving up.
Prov 13:24
24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
ESV
Heb 12:5-8
5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives."
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is
there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all
have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
ESV
6. King David was not a good model of hands-on instruction and discipline with his
children, but he was an excellent model of loving a rebellious child (Read 2 Samuel
18:31-19:4). How have you shown love toward a rebellious child or family member?
(Be specific.)
This is story time!
7. Now it's time for action. Do you need to call a son or daughter (family member or
close friend) and tell them you love them? (Even if you disagree strongly with their
decisions.) What can you do to show this person that the door is always open for them
to return and reconcile?
Ask for specific responses.
DIGGING DEEPER
Read the whole story of King David’s struggles with his children in 2 Samuel 13:1-19:15.
Answer the following questions:
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What do you think David did wrong in his relationship with Amnon, Tamar and
Absalom?
o No discipline
o No consequences for their disobedience
o Not involved enough in their lives
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What did he do right?
o He loved them – he showed it a bit late, but it was genuine
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Who did God use to correct David?
o A woman from Tekoa (2 Sam. 14:4-20)
o Joab, the commander of his army (same as above)
o Joab, again (2 Sam. 19:1-8)
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What do you think David learned from these experiences?
o Mostly that he wasn’t the only one who could hear from God
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What did you learn from your study?