VARIATIONS ON OPHELIA by Alexa Derman
Xx.
“There is no ‘true’ Ophelia for whom feminist criticism must unambiguously speak, but
perhaps only a Cubist Ophelia of multiple perspectives, more than the sum of all her parts.”1
Xx.
“Ophelia, she’s ’neath the window/ For her I feel so afraid / On her twenty-second
birthday / She already is an old maid.” – Bob Dylan, “Desolation Row”
Xx.
in·gé·nue noun \ˈan-jəә-ˌnü, 1: a naive girl or young woman 2: the stage role of an
ingenue; also : an actress playing such a role. Origin of INGENUE: French ingénue, feminine
of ingénu ingenuous, from Latin ingenuus.2
Xx.
In your purple heart-shaped hatbox:
ONE mixtape.
ONE dried bouquet.
SEVEN remembrances of his.
TWO ticket stumps from Dear John.
THREE packs of vanilla mint gum.
ONE untouched condom.
FOUR bottles of nail polish, all the same color: Madeline.
Xx.
“A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave...The female is a female by virtue of a
certain lack of qualities - a natural defectiveness.” – Aristotle3
Xx.
(Physics class – twenty five boys and / four girls. Mr. Stevens says it’s a good year /
ratio-wise / comparably.)
Xx.
And there you were Ophelia as the lights rose onto your virgin complexion, predictably
nodding. Of course said the slope of your neck. Always said your Disney blue eyes. From “A
Manual of Etiquette” by Daisy Eyebright: “Offers of marriage should never be accepted, or
refused without consulting your parents.” You were an expert.
And anyway he could never marry you, lover. Somewhere in your blurry mind was the
recognition of your own inferiority: you were destined to fall into obscurity; you deserved as
much. The thought of queenhood was ridiculous; wasn’t that only for grownup ladies?
So think yourself a baby4, Ophelia—allow yourself to be diapered and strolled, you have
never spread yourself, you have never held him in your mouth, you have never bled. There is
1
Elaine Showalter, “Representing Ophelia: Women, Madness, and the Responsibilities of Feminist Criticism” in Susan Wofford (ed.), Hamlet,
St. Martin's Press, Boston, 1994. p. 238.
2
Merriam-Webster. "Ingenue." Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Merriam-Webster, 2012. Web. 29 Dec. 2012.
3
"Lesson: Traditional Beliefs in Global Perspective." Women in World History. Women in World History Curriculum, n.d. Web. 29 Dec. 2012.
only your father’s honor, your brother’s sleek future – your obedience is your greatest asset now,
forget about that knack for mathematics or skipping stones. Pass over your spoiled maidenhood;
today, there are only the infinite variations on the color yes. Think yourself a child, Ophelia –
how easy it is to slip back to when you hardly knew anyone, let alone yourself, so intimately.
Look up at the ceiling of your canopy bed – Jesus is watching you. Curl up in your twin:
try to pack your breasts back into your torso, your desire back into your belly. If you squeeze
your eyes shut tight enough, you can believe in the tooth fairy again.
Xx.
A BRIEF ENCYCLOPEDIA OF OPHELIAS:
Ophelia Frump of The Addams Family, Ophelia by John Everett Millais (1852, oil on canvas),
Ophelia by Alexandre Cabanel (1883, oil on canvas), Ophelia by Pierre Auguste Cot (1870, oil
on cavas), Ophelia by Paul Albert Steck (1895, oil on canvas), various Ophelia by John William
Waterhouse (oil on canvas), The Death of Ophelia by Eugène Delacroix (1844, oil on canvas),
The Death of Ophelia by Otto von Faber du Faur (1874, oil on canvas), the album Ophelia by
Natalie Merchant, “Ophelia” by Tori Amos, “Dear Ophelia” by Abney Park, “Ophelia” by The
Band, “Ophelia rag” by James Scott, The Ophelia Cult: A Novel by John Lescoart (Atria Books,
2013), Ophelia by Lisa M. Klein (Bloombery, 2007), Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of
Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher (Riverhead Trade, 2005), Reviving Ophelia starring Jane
Kacmarek and Kim Dickens (2011 film adaptation), Ophelia Speaks: Adolescent Girls Write
About Their Search for Self by Sarah Shandler (Harper Perennial,1999), Surviving Ophelia:
Mothers Share Their Wisdom in Navigating the Tumultuous Teenage Years by Cheryl Dellasega
(Ballantine Books, 2002), Ophelia by Ingrid Schubert (Lemniscaat USA, 2009), Dating Hamlet:
Ophelia’s Story by Lisa Fiedler (Henry Holt and Co., 2002), Ophelia a moon of Uranus, the
asteroid 171 Ophelia, HS Ophelia the German WW1 hospital ship, Ophelia the perfect pink
hybrid tea rose.
Xx.
“We can imagine Hamlet’s story without Ophelia, but Ophelia literally has no story
without Hamlet.” – Lee Dewards5
Xx.
In my best friend’s graphic novel Hipster Hamlet, you wear too much eyeliner, cut
yourself, and quote Evanescence. The boyfriend listens to hip Indie bands and remains a hero.
Xx.
The lights in the Cineplex drop and then: white hot! You, Ophelia! Your trembling voice,
profound! Onscreen, a title sequence! And then: “Good my lord,
How does your honour for this many a day?”6
Oh, sweet Ophelia!
HAMLET: Are you honest?
OPHELIA: My lord?
4
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (I iii 105)
Elaine Showalter, “Representing Ophelia: Women, Madness, and the Responsibilities of Feminist Criticism” in Susan Wofford (ed.), Hamlet,
St. Martin's Press, Boston, 1994.
6
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (III i 93)
5
HAMLET: Are you fair?7
Your lover, a deity. You, an unscrupulous double-crosser. We reach for popcorn and
Sour Patch Kids. Someone in row C whispers I think I’ve seen her somewhere else before but we
hiss back: “Shhh! The greatest figure of Western literature is speaking!”
Something switches in your face: your eyebrows make slopes of confused distress, you
have a headache from thinking this hard, your lower lip is trembling and the sweat from your
hands is creating dark stains on the love letters you are clutching. You just can’t keep up, can
you?
Remember the variations on the color yes. You can say you were the more deceiv’d8 if
that’ll make him right again. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stu—
(Thank god the orders finally came. Why wouldst thou ever be a breeder of sinners9?
Go!)
Xx.
ENOTES question from brittaniekaye: Why does Hamlet repeatedly say to Ophelia “get
thee to a nunnery?”
jseligmann: …so she will stop enabling people. … And Hamlet has also had it with
women, in general.
mseverson: Euphemistically, Hamlet is identifying Ophelia as a whore.
housemd11: Ha Ha. One of my favorite parts! I believe that here Hamlet is displaying
his sincere love for Ophelia and wants to protect her from “destruction.” Maybe I'm a bit oldfashioned.
Xx.
And then afterwards, did you croak out showtunes, moaning ‘Hopelessly Devoted to
You’ as you stumbled through the winter garden? Your fingernails tangled in your hair. Your
eyes bleary with mascara. Denmark splayed out before you like an old whore in white – vague
and snowblind. You were coatless, your tubesocks puddled at your ankles.
What is left for you, Ophelia? He said he never gave you aught.
You set out to make a snow angel, rolled over and created a snow cylinder or else a
rolling pin; you were not quite a person. Your back a bobsled. You kissed the snow with tongue,
your hair crystalizing into a thousand slender seraphim, protecting the back of your head, the
crown of your skull. (He’d made you believe so.) Your widow’s peak.
Xx.
“You Might Be an Opheliac if You:
– wouldn’t know who you were if you weren’t suffering
– are strangely attracted to those who may just kill you
– spend just a bit too much time in the bathtub”10
Xx.
7
“Frailty, thy name is woman!”11
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (III i 103-105)
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (III i 120)
9
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (III i 123-124)
10
Emilie Autumn. Opheliac. Liner notes. Trisol Music Group GmbH, 2003. CD.
11
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (I iv 146)
8
Xx.
from WikiHow:
“How to Make More Boys Like You
How to make any boy like you by talking, joking and other stuff!
• Don't bombard them. Boys hate it when girls are always barging in to their lives.
• Laugh at ALL their jokes. Boys love making people laugh - girls especially.
• Don't ask LOADS of questions.
• Rules for Texting and Email. When texting, don't; put xxx ALL the time; don't send
them more than 3+UP texts at a time; don't use too many smileys. (even though girls love
them) In emails, facebook and msn NEVER talk to them as soon as they are online. Wait
for 60 secs - 2 mins so they feel they have space.
• Give their interests a little thought. If you're going to hang out, hang out where there's
something you will both like.
• Smile and laugh a lot (but not too much otherwise people will find you annoying).
• Don't show off with boys.
• Be confident, caring and cool.”
Xx.
from Cinderella:
“So this is love
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow,
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings, hmm
And I can fly
I'll touch every star in the sky
So this is the miracle
That I've been dreaming of
So this is love.”
Xx.
It’s Not Sexual Harassment If She Was Basically Your Girlfriend Thirty Minutes Ago
or
“The Play Scene”
1. “Country matters”12 is totally not a euphemism for sex. Why do you take everything so
seriously?
2. “Nothing” is definitely not Elizabethan slang for “vagina.” “Nothing” as a “fair thought
to lie between a maid’s legs”13 is just nonsense. Don’t be so sensitive.
3. “Any show that you will show him”14 doesn’t mean anything other than a play. Jesus
Christ.
12
13
14
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (III ii 116)
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (III ii 118)
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (III ii 144)
And so what if it would cost you a groaning to take off mine edge?15 You know you want it.
Xx.
From babynames.com: “The meaning of the name Ophelia is: Helper.”
Xx.
In the morning you walked around the entire castle three times and the sting on your
cheeks made you feel new again. For breakfast, there was honey on your toast. You loosened
your corset a bit more than the day before. Someone made a joke and you giggled. You don’t
remember what it was about, now.
In the afternoon you lied on your bedroom floor and thought about Vegas, what it would
mean to elope with insanity, kiss electricity goodnight every evening and then good morning
when the sun came up. Daydreamed if you dared about the sensation of bad boy fingers running
over your stomach, burrowing under your skirt – wasted your Sunday.
In the evening you stripped down in front of your mirror and were determined: you
would find every flaw in your skin, every discolored splotch, every burgeoning cavity, every hint
of sag or heaviness. Here! In the bag under your eye—look! this is why you are meant for
reproduction exclusively; the weakness of your chin right here is the justification for your
irrelevance. The redness of your nose signifies why once you were old enough to burst and
bloom you became a different animal from the rest of your triangular family. It’s the swell of
your thigh that makes you furniture; the swell of your stomach that makes you moth-eaten, used
up, old news.
This is how you are when you hear.
Falter and twitch. Should you rise or else / collapse? do you tug at your earlobes – do you
wail? or do you / consider the possibilities of the permutations of / unsadness? do you / feel the
scream bubbling in your throat or else / hysteria or alternately the most / undaughterly /
unimaginable / content?
(because maybe for one secret second you felt one twinge of relief; there was a
momentary lapse where you thought of the skinny jeans that could now adorn you before you
realized you could never lead yourself. realized your newfound selfcontrol was terrifying –
where was that accustomed absolutism when you needed it most? )
Could not marry your father’s killer could not could not and anyway you liked playing
dress up, dashing red on your mouth and teetering in those suddenly touchable high heels,
giggling a little because of the absurdity, the ridiculousness of such a sudden arbitrary release –
an arbitrary release that was purposeless, you, no longer a girlchild, you, spilling out all over the
floor, you, master of yourself and unaccustomed to holding the strings to your own
marionettehood, you—
(And in Elsinore we don’t talk about how it was on that darkest night that the most
awesome sounds exploded out of your corner bedroom, the discovery of your orgasm a
spectacular, horrifying, and long overdue gift.)
Xx.
“Women, even though they are of full age, because of their levity of mind shall be under
guardianship.” – The Twelve Tables, Rome, 450 B.C.E.
15
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (III ii 249-250)
Xx.
“Whereas for Hamlet madness is metaphysical, linked with culture, for Ophelia it is a
product of the female body and female nature, perhaps that nature’s purest form…
The romantic critics seem to have felt that the less said about Ophelia the better; the point
was to look at her.”16
Xx.
“I feel so funny. I think I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm already crazy.” – Franny, Franny &
Zooey
Xx.
When they couldn’t find you in your headspace or your usual straightlaced corset here are
some of the places you went:
heaven & hell i think—
blasting supernova into luminosity—
de/evolving rapid fire from infant into va-va-voom—
running around the yard looking for something/one to chain yourself to—
or just into the sock drawer with all the other lost things – the strong bits of you scattered
amongst pantyhose, your shell made up like a prized pig, your ratty victim’s hair your armor,
singsonging yourself into inconsequence.
Xx.
WENDLA: Why did you slip out of the room? —To look for violets! —Because Mother
can see me smiling. – – Why can’t you keep your lips together? —I don’t know. —I really don’t
know, I can’t find the words…17
Xx.
From Yahoo Answers:
“Did Hamlet really love—”
“Do you think Hamlet ever loved—”
“Why, to Hamlet, is Ophelia so—”
“What are your thoughts on Hamlet and—”
“Does Hamlet have a lot of affection for—”
“What do you think of the name Ophelia?”
“Do you like the name Ophelia?”
“Do you think ‘Ophelia’ is pretty?”
“Is the name Ophelia pretty enough?”
“Of all the pivotal characters in Hamlet, Ophelia is the most static and one-dimensional.”
“[She] basically [ignores] common sense.”
“Ophelia had no spine!”
“Ophelia was untrue to herself… she [contributes] to her own demise.”
“Hamlet’s Ophelia—”
16
Elaine Showalter, “Representing Ophelia: Women, Madness, and the Responsibilities of Feminist Criticism” in Susan Wofford (ed.), Hamlet,
St. Martin's Press, Boston, 1994.
17
Wedekind, Frank. Spring's Awakening: Tragedy of Childhood. Trans. Eric Bentley. New York: Applause, 1995. Print.
“Hamlet’s Ophelia—”
“Hamlet’s Ophelia—”
“Hamlet’s Ophelia—”
Xx.
A Smart Girl’s Guide to Psychosexual Meltdowns:
1. You will feel, above everything, inescapable hunger. Something will be gnawing the
inside of you – it is inevitable. It is your guts ravaging their own. It is your body
emancipating itself. Don’t freak out if you find yourself literally disappearing.
2. Dress to impress! All eyes will be on you, so make sure you’ve combed your hair into a
perfect style that shows off just the right amount of pure wildchild spirit while still
maintaining your natural loveliness. No matter how loud you scream, someone will
always call you “pretty Ophelia.”18
3. Keep it cool and cryptic. Why say “your son took my maidenhood, you bitch” when there
are so many other ways to get the job done – in song?
4. And he will never come again19 he will never come again he will never—
5. Good accessories are a must. Ravage the entire garden if you have to in order to make
sure you have the perfect look.
6. The herb that is the grace o’ Sundays20 is the prettiest abortant in the greenhouse; that one
is for you.
7. You will not be afraid. You will never be afraid again.
Xx.
“‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’m glad it’s a girl. And I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a
girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.’” – Daisy Buchanan, The Great Gatsby
Xx.
And Ophelia did you fill your pockets with nailpolish bottles and silent stones before you
tiptoed into eternity? Your head was pulsing violently. Your stomach was bruised as though only
that part of you had leukemia. You longed to be an it again, walked calmly into yourself but
while you were lying there, Ophelia, with the waterbugs chewing at your eyelids and your labia,
oh as you slid, Ophelia, did you think of him? In your final moments did you still belong to
someone else? Or did you sing lullabyes as you choked to comfort that dying foreign life buried
beneath your dress? Maybe you were glad to kill it – it made you feel so large, to kill something
– as you drowned you stuffed your fist into the front of your panties and dreamed of rape. Your
feet bled. You were finally a god, sweet girl; you were becoming an archangel. As you were
disintegrating you were a woman-child, a sentient object who loathed and craved autonomy.
Remember the variations – the color yes and all of its hundreds and hundreds of Technicolor
hues. There was no place for you.
Within the hour you would rise, gooey, your last confession on your lips: “We almost had
a baby.”21
Xx.
18
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (IV i 56)
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (IV i 194)
20
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. (IV i 182)
21
Emmy the Great. "We Almost Had a Baby." First Love. Close Harbour Records, 2009. MP3.
19
- “And the poet says that by starlight
You come seeking, in the night, the flowers that you picked
And that he has seen on the water, lying in her long veils
White Ophelia floating, like a great lily.”22
Xx.
Later they would make a martyr out of you. Dear heart, even in death you were not
afforded the status of a simple human being.
22
Rimbaud, Arthur. "Ophelia." Ophelia: Arthur Rimbaud - Poems. Mag4, n.d. Web. 29 Dec. 2012.
Amazon. "Books › ‘ophelia’" Amazon.com. Amazon.com, n.d. Web. 29 Dec. 2012.
"ashe_romeo" "Theatre/Hamlet Babble." Web log post. Ashe_romeo's Journal. LiveJournal, 13
Aug. 2008. Web. 29 Dec. 2012. <http://ashe-romeo.livejournal.com/434986.html>.
BabyNames. "Origin and Meaning of the Name Ophelia." Baby Names. BabyNames, n.d. Web.
29 Dec. 2012.
Bob Dylan. "Desolation Row." Highway 61 Revisted. Columbia Records, 1965. CD.
"brittaniekaye", "jseligmann", "mseverson", and "housemd11" "Why Does Hamlet Repeatedly
Say to Ophelia, "Get Thee to a Nunnery"?" Enotes.com. Enotes.com, n.d. Web. 29 Dec.
2012.
Emilie Autumn. Opheliac. Liner notes. Trisol Music Group GmbH, 2003. CD.
Emmy the Great. "We Almost Had a Baby." First Love. Close Harbour Records, 2009. MP3.
Eyebright, Daisy. A Manual of Etiquette. Philadelphia: David McKay, n.d. Print.
Fitzgerald, F. S. The Great Gatsby. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1925. Print.
"How to Make More Boys Like You." WikiHow. Wikimedia Foundation, n.d. Web. 17
Oct. 2013. <http://www.wikihow.com/Make-More-Boys-Like-You>.
"Ophelia (disambiguation)." Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 6
September 2012. Web. 29 Dec. 2012.
Rimbaud, Arthur. "Ophelia." Ophelia: Arthur Rimbaud - Poems. Mag4, n.d. Web. 29 Dec. 2012.
Salinger, J. D. Franny and Zooey. Boston: Little, Brown and, 1961. Print.
Shakespeare, William. The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. New York: Washington
Square, 2002. Print.
Showalter, Elaine. “Representing Ophelia: Women, Madness, and the Responsibilities of
Feminist Criticism” in Susan Wofford (ed.), Hamlet, St. Martin's Press, Boston, 1994.
"So This Is Love - Lyrics." Metro Lyrics. CBS, n.d. Web. 17 Oct. 2013. <http://www.
tumblr.com/dashboard>.
Wedekind, Frank. Spring's Awakening: Tragedy of Childhood. Trans. Eric Bentley. New York:
Applause, 1995. Print.