2010 Spring III
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
Mid-Season Party! In case you have been living under a rock the MSP will be this Saturday (June 5th) starting at 7:00 PM
at Sully’s Pub, 2071 Park Street, Hartford. www.sullyspub.com. Admission will be free for kickballers, with a $10 cover
for guests. Free Bud Light, Jell-O Shots, Food & other drink specials. Please bring your Player card as we will be
checking them at the door.
It’s game on for the charity pickup games at FSA (11 Executive Drive, Farmington - www.fsasports.com) on June 15th
The exact time has yet to be determined, it will depend on our numbers, so we need an approximate headcount. If you
want to play please let either your captain, your division rep, or a board member know. Expect it to be around 6:30
though. Remember that the cost is only $5 and the proceeds go tour charity
We are still trying to get a couple more places to sign on to the late season Bar Crawl. So far City Steam, McKinnon’s
and Vaughn’s are on board for Saturday, June 26th, there may be some others in the Allyn street vicinty. It’ll cost you $10
for an hour of specials at each establishment, with the proceeds going to our charity, and a T-shirt going to your
collection.
In actual kickball news, There is some real parity shaping up in Lightning The standings have a bunch o teams vying for
the top spot, the regular season title is still (almost) anybody’s. Thunder has two teams with perfect records, and due to
an unbalanced schedule they can’t face another until the playoffs.
One bit of serious info here, please make note of your reffing assignments. You should know the color of at least one of
the teams you will be officiating, this will make it easier to find the appropriate field and make it more likely that the
game will get started on time,, thanks for your cooperation
Finally the honeymoon is over. You have had ample warnings about getting in your recaps on time. Those of you failing
to sub them will have a little something submitted on your behalf from here on out. Avoid the shame by sending a “real”
one to ct.gmot@gmail.com. Those of you who snuck them in at the last minute are in the clear, but on ly just.
Week 4 Schedules
Thunder
6:00
6:00
6:00
6:00
Field 1
Field 2
Field 3
Field 4
vs
6/2/10
Schedule
7:00 Field 1 Money Shot
7:00 Field 2 The Hot Carls
7:00 Field 3 KGTN
7:00 Field 4 SKITG
Double Header – Pickle Surprise
Lightning
6/3/10
Schedule
6/2/2010
Alvin And The Kickmunks
Schrute Farms Beets
2 Legit 2 Kick
Will Kick For Beer
Balls Deep
Oxymorons
Silver Foxes
Pickle Surprise
Kickin' It
Sotally Tober
Kick Tease
Pickle Surprise
Reffed
by
Kickin' It
The Hot Carls
KGTN
SKITG
Alvin And The Kickmunks
2 Legit 2 Kick
Will Kick For Beer
Silver Foxes
6:15 Field 1
6:15 Field 2
6:15 Field 3
Wakaholics
Pink Balls of Furey
Dirt Stars
Phil’s Cats
NKOTB
Team Ramrod
7:15 Field 1
7:15 Field 2
7:15 Field 3
NKOTB
Choochamungas
Team Ramrod
High Kickin
Dirt Stars
Cunning Stunts
Wakaholics
Phil’s Cats
Pink Balls of Furey
1
2010 Spring III
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
Game Recaps
After each weeks games we need a representative from each team to submit a recap of their game(s) to ct.gmot@gmail.com by the
following Monday. A couple of paragraphs will do and can include your impressions and any standout/bonehead plays.
Editors Note: For teams failing to provide recaps, the GMOT staff will be coming up with appropriate taunt probably from TFLN. All
the slackers are getting a free pass this time. To get props in for your team just have a team representative send a recap of your
game(s) to ct.gmot@gmail.com Be sure to include your team name in the e-mail!
Thunder
Week 4
Silver Foxes (1) vs Schrute Farms Beets (14)
From the Silver Foxes Side
Standings - Thunder
Team
Win Loss Tie Forfeit Pct
RA
Sotally Tober
4
0
0
0
1.000
6
2L2K
4
0
0
0
1.000
9
KGTN
3
1
0
0
0.750
10
Balls Deep
3
1
0
0
0.750
11
Kick Tease
3
1
0
0
0.750
18
Pickle Surprise
2
1
1
0
0.625
10
Alvin & The Kickmunks
2
1
1
0
0.625
19
Oxymorons
2
2
0
0
0.500
7
After the game many Foxes remained at Colt park to watch the
Kickmunks get beat almost as bad as the Foxes did (or so we think, to
be honest I don’t think any of the Foxes knew their final score or
even how many innings they played). Then they headed to
downtown Hartford, again covering three different bars. Eventually
most ended up back at ‘Rocks where they enjoyed the light show and
waterfalls safely under cover on the porch. 2L2K, we look forward
playing you next week. Should we wear our lime green shirts?.
Schrute Farms Beets
2
2
0
0
0.500
12
The Hot Carls
2
2
0
0
0.500
15
Silver Foxes
2
2
0
0
0.500
28
Kickin' It
1
3
0
0
0.250
20
Money Shot
0
4
0
0
0.000
17
SKITG
0
4
0
0
0.000
28
From the Scrute Farms Beets Side
Will Kick For Beer
0
4
0
0
0.000
35
The night started on a positive note, despite Captain Mediocre
missing her first kickball game ever, RPS was won 2/2. But that was
the end of the winning for the foxes last week. They’re gonna bunt!
The Beets were more than the Foxes could handle despite the stellar
pitching of John ‘I’ve never been on base before’ Polakovich’s
pitching. They’re gonna bunt! Highlights of the game included the
3rd inning stretch shots and the Foxes actually getting through their
lineup in the 4th inning . They’re gonna bunt! Jay, we will miss you
when you move to Cali, thanks for helping score our only run of the
game.
There was a lot of smack talk going into the game vs. the Foxes,
mostly from Captain NotSoAwesome (who was not even in
attendance), but the Beets were the only ones who actually backed
that talk up by cruising to a 15-1 victory. The Beets enjoyed many
things through out the game including assistant captain's Nick "my
girlfriend is stronger then me" Defelice huge spill at 3B, the nonslippery conditions and our 1 fan who parked in Sketch City and was
told she better run by it's occupants. Oh, and their opponents noncheat filled line up was nice too. They did not enjoy they 100 degree
weather or the large cooler filled with only 10 beers brought by La
Boca! BEEEEEEEEEEEETS
Sotally Tober (5) vs Pickle Surprise (2)
From the Sotally Tober Side
<Sotally Tober regrets to inform you that they are still shakin in their
cleats from their close close game last week, and are unable to
formulate a sentence, never mind a recap of the game. >
But oh, do we love those Sweet Sweet Pickles (and their
SURPRISE!)
Thanks for the fun, as always.. Hope you join us in Vegas!! :)
From the Pickle Surprise Side
Alright... So we lost, but we had a great time and still managed to
strike immense amounts of fear into the collective heart of our
opponents, who manifested this terror in the form of an intentional
walk in the 5th inning... Yeah, they intentionally walked Jay Haas...
in kickball. Fear us.
Check out the trash-talk, predictions, and
idle gossip in the CT Lightning forum
Kickball365.com!
6/2/2010
Kick Tease (5) vs Money Shot (4)
From the Kick Tease side
(315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
From the Money Shot side
(203): They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels,
the kind strippers would wear to court.
The Hot Carls (5) vs Kickin’ It (4)
From The Hot Carls side
In tribute to Abe Lincoln's favorite past time, the Hot Carls have
shown up steaming and, in true HC fashion, we showed Kickin' It
that not only are we hot, we are on fire!
We may have been absent from the last few GMOTs, but you know
what they say about the silent but deadly ...
As for the game, Kickin It played it tough, but we ended up showing
them what a true deuce can accomplish with a 5-4 win. The "Shit
Kicker" award goes to Mike for his unassisted triple play (the HC's
second of the season), and the "Cool Carla" goes to Jenn for her game
winning run at the bottom of the fifth, her second (cause she likes the
number 2s).
We'd be forgetting the Saran Wrap if we didn't mention Steve kicking
Jenn home and our rookie Katie showing us how to kick the ball in a
perfect arch over the short stop (on purpose of course).
Watch out Sotally Tober, the "Cot Harls" are cooking one up just for
you!
2
2010 Spring III
From the Kickin’ It side
(216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
2 Legit 2 Kick (5) vs Balls Deep (0)
From the 2 Legit 2 Kick Side
Another week, another stop on the 2L2K tour of destruction through
the Thunder division. What's that? We're facing an undefeated Balls
Deep team? Yawn. We'll just put up 5 runs in the first inning and
play shut down defense for the entire game. Maybe you guys should
try making illegal changes to your lineup because this whole playing
the game by the rules thing just isn't working for you. And that one
guy on your team seemed to be pretty distracted with some personal
issues, something about "not getting out of the box fast enough"? I
don't know, maybe you can ask the third baseman from KGTN for
some advice because that kid is legit. Not 2 Legit 2 Kick, but legit
nonetheless.
As for the game itself, we came out like a team on a mission with
almost all of our players pitching in. We almost batted around in the
first inning, and by that I mean we would have batted around if we
were the size of a normal team. When you have forty-seven players
on your team though, it takes a while to go even once around the
order. But I digress. Our offense culminated with Damien running
the bases like a friggin' freight train and going balls deep into the
Balls Deep catcher for our final run. However, I feel like our true
skill was demonstrated on defense, as we constantly dazzled in the
field. Every time Balls Deep got guys on base we buckled down and
made a nice play - whether it was Billy charging and flipping the ball
home, Cara snagging a line drive,Melissa "I forgot what color shirt to
wear" making an impressive toss to second base, or Greg stretching
out at first base like Kevin Youkilis. It was one highlight after
another, and I'm honestly curious if we will ever be scored on again.
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
Oxymorons (9) vs Swift Kick In The Grass (1)
From the Oxymorons side
Another week, another win for the Oxymoron's after a 9-1 win over
SKITG (or was it 11-1? eh, who's counting). Pitching and defense
were as strong as ever, as we yet again kept the opposition from
gathering many baserunners. The offense is really hitting its stride as
it has become more potent than the Jell-o shots courtesy of El
Capitan, exploding for 9 runs after 6 the previous game. It appears we
should 'practice' more often, as baserunning (and skipping) is much
improved since the beginning of the season. Something tells me
Schrute Farms Beets is going to experience a drought in the match-up
against the red hot 'Morons. We're also happy to report that no one
almost broke an arm this week. Other highlights including the
ricochet catch an our pitcher missing the strike zone only twice the
entire game.
From the Swift Kick In The Grass side
So yeah.... I think it's' safe to say this wasn't our best performance
overall. What we thought would be a competitive game against a
fellow bottom dweller, turned into what will likely be the Moron's
highlight of the season. But on a more positive note, rookie Steph
made a very impressive running catch in the outfield! Kamil scored
our only run off a solid base kick from Kristen. We defintely put in a
solid effort, but as usual were held back by silly field errors. We
were able to come back with a strong finish on the flip cup table. I
think it's time to get the grill going- that's where we really shine!
Wednesday’s Weather
My bet is we won't lose again or be scored upon for the rest of May,
and you can take that to the bank. See what I did there? See, it's the
end of May next Monday.... and.... we won't play again until June....
so...
KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!!!!
From the Balls Deep Side
Wait, what?!?! BD simply can't be awesome every minute of EVERY
game. 2L2K came out strong in the first inning, bringing in 5 runs.
But those runs were all that were scored for the remainder of the
game. Balls Deep may have spent a little too much time in the sun
reffing the 6:00 game. By 7, the heat was wearing the formerly 3-0
crew down. Defense was fairly solid, but 2 legit was too legit and
answered back. Post game, BD had yet another solid night on the flip
cup tables and enjoyed the lightning/thunder/hail storm from the
safety of bar. Week 5, expect BD to have their game faces on and
recover from an off week.
KGTN (12) vs Alvin & The Kickmunks (2)
From the Kickin’ Grass & Takin’ Names Side
(205): Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't
possibly go wrong
From the Alvin & The Kickmunks Side
(860): all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in
20 minutes
6/2/2010
3
2010 Spring III
Lightning
Week 4
Cunning Stunts (10) vs New Kicks On The Block (1)
From the Cunning Stunts side
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
Cunnings Stunts (10) vs Pink Balls of Fury (2)
From the Cunning Stunts Side
(508): I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her
boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
(508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
From the Pink Balls of Furey side
From the New Kicks On The Block Side
(514): I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
(317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it
was peanut butter jelly time
Team Ramrod (1) vs High Kickin’(0)
From the Team Ramrod Side
New Kicks On The Block (8) vs Phil’s Cats (1)
From the New Kicks On The Block Side
(317): He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going
to be a slow, but awesome death
(203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we
once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
From the Phil’s Cats Side
From the High Kickin’ Side
(607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this
weekend.
With Phil out on location, filming the next commercial for the most
interesting man in the world, some have said that the loss to NKOTB
was Karma, for making sure that the Lightning standings were
updated reflecting that Phil’s Cat was 3-0. Though “Cat Guy” Martin
was able to make 3 “claw” biteing plays, it was not enough to hold
off NKOTB. It was a surprising shutout, though only 10 players from
the Cats attended Thursdays game. There were no addtnl comments
from the peanut gallery.
Thursday’s Weather
Choochamungas (14) vs WAKAholics (7)
From the Choochamungas Side
It was the Simonetti's brother's all-star game last Thursday night at
Colt Park. They truly proved that two is better than one. Working
with one another, they helped us pull in a 17 to 7 victory, with 3
homeruns from Nicholas Simonetti himself. It was the Wakaholics
who we played against last week. The team who has not won one
game, and no runs... were able to score 7 big ones against us. I
commend them for their great work and determination! We only had
11 players, including some of our key players, but still managed to
prove that the green slime still pumps through our veins. It is
CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT C WILL NEVER PLAY OUTFIELD
again, not to say that I am stellar myself, dropping the ball about 3
times, but with his height, and massiveness, he should have been all
over those balls. A mere double foot cramp in right field, almost
crippled Liz Mattaroccia, but she was able to overcome the pain, and
managed to continue playing and even got pegged so hard she fell
down. I, Julie, managed to get a triple, declaring that I wanted to
'have a little fun', I hope that happens again! Katee T, and Stefania
both also made it to base, proving that although we may be little, but
we are mighty! Head ref, blue team, could be the BEST ref we have
had in the past 2 years, great job! He needs to get paid WAKA. It
wasn't until the bar til the real fun began... with only a few Choochies
to stick around, we headed over to Tavern, and knew how to keep our
team spirit alive. We are still wondering if that was Peggy's friend!
Dan made friends with a couple of locals and even rocked out to a
little Men At Work with his new lady friend. Hey choochies, let's do
the damn thing Thursday!
Standings - Lightning
Team
Win Loss Tie Forfeit PCT RA
Cunning Stunts
4
1
0
0 0.800
8
Phil's Cats
4
1
0
0 0.800 14
Choochamungas
4
1
0
0 0.800 19
Pink Balls of Fury
3
2
0
0 0.600 17
NKOTB
2
2
0
0 0.500 18
Dirt Stars
1
3
0
0 0.250 16
P.S. Rich missed Sap so much... he paid a visit to his cube! (see the
pix of the week) Glad you're back chappy!
High Kickin'
1
3
0
0 0.250 22
Team Ramrod
2
2
0
2 0.125
From the WAKAholics side
WAKAholics
0
5
0
0 0.000 63
8
Scored our first runs of the year!!!!
6/2/2010
4
2010 Spring III
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
This Week in Bacon
Happy week five Bacon Ballers!!! Just made it past the halfway point and I don’t
remember much about the last two weeks but I do know that there is a tree right behind
my parking spot, which is why there are all those leaves. So in the future I should
probably stop before my trunk hits its trunk again…
As far as This Week in Bacon, I have a yummy new office supply for us all. Years ago I
stopped licking envelopes after hearing stories of bug eggs hatching on peoples tongues, yuuuuuccccckkkk (we all know how easily
influenced I am by the media) but after this latest bacon discovery I might just change my way of thinking or licking…. Bacon
flavored envelopes. I think my clients might actually appreciate receiving my invoices each month if they came encased in, oh what is
that in my mailbox? Bacon??? And what is that taste??? Bacon??? While yes in fact, I should be the only one licking said envelope, I
have a feeling a few might just want to get in on the awesome bacon action. After all we all love a good slab o’ bacon (even if it’s
paper form). So next time you have to place an order to Staples think twice and remember those awesome Bacon Salt Guys and order
up some Bacon flavored envelopes. Your client or pen pal will be forever grateful!!!
I hope to see you all this weekend at the Mid Season party, I can finally drink like I am supposed to, so I’ll see you on the flip cup
table. God willing I’ll have a car with a working tail light (in other words, not my car. Thanks again to that tree in my parking spot).
Good luck this week on the field and…
Keep Licking…
~Beaner
Gossip Baller
Greetings Kickballers! Gossip Baller here, your one and only source inside the scandalous lives of Hartford’s
Kickball Elite!
Not many reports coming into Gossip Baller HQ these days! We’ve got eyes and ears everywhere, but it seems the
eyes and ears were drunk and deaf this past week… that, or everyone forgot by Monday after Memorial Day
Weekend Drunkenness that kickball even happened on Wednesday!
Seems like there is some drama going on with one of the most loveable loser teams in Kickball… SKITG! We
hear there was some fighting on the sidelines during their game last week? Was their pitcher trying to move in on
a teammate? We do hear the one B. Connery is causing lots of trouble but trying to stay out of the watch of Gossip
Baller… don’t worry, we’ll catch you sooner or later!
Gossip Baller is pretty excited for the Mid Season Party! We hope to see you all there! You know that summer equals less clothes and
less inhibitions, so we expect some crazy hookups to be going down. It’s Saturday, so you don’t have to worry about getting work in
the morning! Let your libidos fly free!!!
Till next week… remember to send in your hot gossip tips to ct.gmot@gmail.com
xoxo
Gossip Baller
6/2/2010
5
2010 Spring III
Power Ranking
A brief introduction, the Power Rankings are a projection as to
where teams would end up in the standings if the end of
season tournament were to be held today. There are several
factors that are taken into account such as record, run
differential, and quality of opponents. If you think your team
is ranked incorrectly feel free to point out why, but if you
don't prove it on the field, it will be reflected.
Thunder
#1 Sotally Tober (Prev 1)
The Tober train continues to roll merrily along. Internal strife
may be the only thing that will de-rail them. Yes they put up
fewer runs than usual, but still won this one handily.
#2 2 Legit 2 Kick (Prev 2)
Continue to do enough to win. Solid all-around. No real
flaws but not totally outclassing opposition. Will need a sotal
tumble to move up.
#3 Kickn' Grass And Taking Names (Prev 5)
Move back up to 3. Only loss is the close one to 2L2K. And
have thoroughly dismantled most opponents.
#4 Pickle Surprise (Prev 4)
They lost and to Tober. (Are you r3eally surprised?) But
we’re keeping them at #4 since that is about where where they
belong for now.
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
#11 Alvin And The Kickmunks (Prev 9)
No t gonna lie, we weren’t really surprised at the beat down
the rodents got. 11 is probably to low but we will see after
they play an opponent who they have a chance against, at least
on paper
#12 Kickin’ It (Prev 12)
Showed signs of life against the big poopies. Should show
more against the power loads, But are still mired near the
bottom.
#13 Money Shot (Prev 14)
Moving up because of SKITG’s dismal showings is not much
to brag about. This could be the week of their first win
#14 Swift Kick In the Grass (Prev 13)
Still can’t stay away from the big inning. Defense needs work
offense needs work, and chi is way out of whack. Worst of all
ying is fighting with yang..
#15 Will Kick for Beer (Prev 15)
Whither Will Kick for Beer. Somebody has to be at the
bottom. The bye week offered them little opportunity to move
anywhere. Scoring a few runs against the stingy pickles
coming out of the bye week would be impressive.
#5 Balls Deep (Prev 5)
Not sure about this one. BD was no impressive and in their
words 2L2K was not that good, but if you lost to them…
#6 Schrute Farms Beets (Prev 8)
That’s what we were talking about and what we expected
when the season began. Still need some work to erase that bad
taste, and to forget early season loss. Dwight himself says that
offense was out of character though.
#7 Oxymorons (Prev 9)
Probably setting hem up with a 7 ranking. But they have been
playing well, losses are by one run wins are by bigger
numbers, granted against the other “bottom dwellers”.
Defense will be tested next few weeks.
#8 Kick Tease (Prev 12)
They are such a tease. Beat a team with no wins and their
reward is the #3 KGTN. Probably not gonna be pretty for this
fair to middling team
#9 The Hot Carls (Prev 10)
It’s still gross no matter how much you class it up. A win will
help cover that smell. It will take more than one to convince us
of anything else.
Mid Season
Party
This Saturday!
June 5, 2010
Sully’s Pub
7 PM
#10 Silver Foxes (Prev 6)
We’ll grant them that missing your Captain makes a
difference, but that was embarrassing even if she is Captain
Awesome. The schedule is not getting any easier this week
either.
6/2/2010
6
2010 Spring III
Lightning
#1 Choochamungas (Prev 1)
Gave up a surprisingly high number of runs against
WAKAholics, but when you double the opposition up, does
that matter?
#2 Cunning Stunts (Prev 3)
Dominated PBF in what was supposed to be the division's
clash of the titans and ran all over NKotB.
#3 New Kicks on the Block (Prev 5)
ot beat up by the Stunts, but got revenge by knocking off the
last undefeated team. Does it seem odd to have a .500 team at
the #3 spot? Yes, but this could be the turning point in their
season?
#4 Phil's Cats (Prev 4)
Losing to a .500 teams could leave one to believe that the Cats
success could have been a result of what some have called an
easy schedule.
#5 Pink Balls of Furey (Prev 2)
PBF's weakness has been exposed in the past 2 weeks, and
that is softball. Maybe if the full team shows up they can turn
things around..
#6 Team Ramrod (Prev 9)
Played a hard fought game against a rookie team. Not a
convincing one, but a win's a win.
#7 High Kickin' (Prev 6)
Defense may be coming together for this rookie team after
dropping a close game with Ramrod. Now if the offense
could get it together. (here's a hint, with no outs you should be
kicking the ball up in the air for the infield to catch)
#8 Dirt Stars (Prev 7)
No game = no chance to advance in the rankings.
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
Random Rulez
Other Sections referred to by the following rule as well as
the complete rules can be found on the Kickball.com site
or by clicking here
If there is a rule you’d like highlighted tell a board
member or send an e-mail to ct.gmot@gmail.com
8
PITCHING, CATCHING AND FIELDING
8.01 alls must be pitched by hand. There are no restrictions
on pitching style. Bouncies are allowed (see Rule
12.02)..
8.02 Fielder Positioning. Failure to be properly positioned
will result in a Position Warning to the team that
caused the infraction. The team's second and each
subsequent Position infraction will result in the kicker
being awarded first base regardless of the outcome of
the kick.
Proper Field Position is:
a. All fielders besides the catcher must start play and
remain behind the 1st-3rd base diagonal until the
ball is kicked.
b. The pitcher must start the act of pitching within the
pitching mound and have at least one foot on or
directly behind the pitching strip when releasing the
ball (see Rules 1.01c and 1.01d). No part of the
pitcher’s front foot may be in front of or across the
front edge of the pitching strip until the ball is
kicked.
c. The catcher must field behind the kicker, within or
directly behind the kicking box, and may not cross
home plate nor be positioned forward of the kicker
before the ball is kicked. The catcher may not make
contact with the kicker, nor position so closely to
the kicker as to restrict the kicking motion.
8.03 Fielder Positioning. Failure to be properly positioned
will result in a Position Warning to the team that
caused the infraction. The team's second and each
subsequent Position infraction will result in the kicker
being awarded first base regardless of the outcome of
the kick.
#9 WAKAholics -(Prev 8)
Still in the division basement with zero wins, but showed
some potential by putting up a fair amount of runs on Chooch.
Pix Of The Week.
We know there are a lot of ballers with cameras at the games and at the division bars. If you took a picture you’d like to share, send it
to us at ct.gmot@gmail.com. Each week we’ll select out favorites and include whatever we have space for. Be sure to include your
name, your team, and the names of the people in the picture. And a caption, unless you want us to make one up!
Awwww…
6/2/2010
7
2010 Spring III
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
Ask Twigz and Blackberries*
Our Weekly Advice Column. Got a question for Twigz and Blackberries? Submit it to ct.gmot@gmail.com. Be sure to include advice
in the subject line.
T & B were off this week since you were remarkably well adjusted with no problems to report; so here’s an oldie but goodie
There is this filthy slut on my team who is f@cking around on her boyfriend in the division. He is too stupid to realize what a
nasty scab she is. It seems she is trying to f@ck her way through everything with a dong at the bar. If I were him I would want to
know, but I don't believe in blowing up people’s spots. Should I tell this fool to go to the doctor and find out if he should invest in
some kind of topical cream.
Dear F@ck-stick,
Dear Virgin,
Sounds like a difficult spot for you to be in: caught between a
dude and a whore-face. Well, guess what…you’re not the first
and you won’t be the last.
Get a Life.
Throughout history friends have been put in awkward
situations when it comes to cheating. A long time ago, before
kickball, Neanderthals used to grunt in the face of a disloyal
woman. To put it into perspective, they didn’t have twitter
and facebook back in the day; so a public grunt was about the
equivalent of a defaming status update.
But even then, the primitive man struggled with telling his
friend of said adultery. On one hand, this primordial pal could
tell the betrayed man about his gallivanting girlfriend. This
scenario proved to have a 62% return rate of a club to the
brain for any of the above reasons: a) Friend lies; b) Friend
screwed woman; or c) Friend jealous and want to go
Discovery Channel on me. The remaining 38%
unfortunately shows that a prehistoric tattle-tale would have
been cock-blocked for the rest of his life because when the
whore found out that he ratted her out, even she wouldn’t
tickle his dinosaur-sized pickle; hence the decline of the
caveman.
All Geico commercials aside, because it’s clear that you’re the
one who’s watching, you need to make a choice. Screw your
friend or screw yourself. Make me proud, Captain Caveman!
Or you could just let him borrow some of your topical cream,
~Twigz
This wouldn’t be much of a response if it consisted of only
one sentence, so I’ll elaborate. Judging by the cry baby tone
of your letter, I’m going to assume that you haven’t gotten any
in a while, or ever. Poor baby, did you strike out with the
“slut”? If it seems like she wants every dong in the bar, why
didn’t you give her yours? Who is this chick? If her boy
friend is really as dumb as you say he is, I want a piece of her.
First of all virgin, men shouldn’t call women sluts, that sounds
negative. Try using words like, easy, willing, or team player.
Second, not all publicly traded vaginas have diseases; you can
have safe sex with a variety of partners. Third, guys don’t tell,
period. This is what you should do: Your first move should be
to stop monitoring this chick’s flirting, are you her father? It’s
2009, women don’t need chaperones at the bar. Try talking to
a female kickballer, start with the single ones, I don’t think
you’re quite ready to take what someone already has. I know
they can be intimidating with those tee-shirts and that hung
over hair, but they won’t bite unless you ask them to.
Kickball is an excuse to drink, which is an excuse to be
promiscuous. If you came into this league looking for women
who frequent the library at their leisure or save themselves for
marriage, you’re not going to find any. You’d prefer that we
go back to asking women’s fathers for permission to court
their daughters, or maybe arranged marriages. That way you
wouldn’t have to overcome your lack of game, or fear of
rejection. If you’re right, and this women is trying on dicks
like shoes, think of all the men she’s taking out of the
competition! You should spank, I mean thank her for keeping
the other ballers occupied.
~Blackberries
*Editors Note: Twigz and Blackberries are caring nurturers, members of several twelve-step programs, but not licensed therapists. Their column Ask Twigz and
Blackberries is in a second rate Kickball newsletter. The column is geared to help people with mental disabilities, such as overeating, drug abuse, and alcoholism, sexual
frustration, loneliness, ugliness, and/or just plain weirdness.
Blackberries grew up with a dysfunctional family. His father was "a big stinking drunk" who called chubby Blackberries, "a waste of space." Twigz’s mom is "a total loon
and in complete denial about Twigz’s predilections and promiscuity. Blackberries would much rather wear his dope addicted sisters clothes and Twigz is jealous of her
anorexic brother. Still, they maintain good and positive attitudes throughout their column, while helping people solve their problems.
6/2/2010
8
2010 Spring III
WAKA CT Thunder & Lightning
The Last Word
Greetings Ballers,
Once again great job keeping the fields clean and tidy, your mothers would be so proud. Or maybe not. Either way the
city of Hartford should have no reason not to cut the grass. Secondly another great turnout at the bars on both Wednesday
and Thursday nights!! Even with (or maybe because) the hailstorm on Wednesday night you all stayed and enjoyed
yourselves pretty late.
This will be a full week! The midseason party is being held on Saturday, June 5th from 7-10p.m at Sully’s Pub.
Registered players get in free and guests are $10 at the door. From 7-10 they will be offering free beer, jell-o shots and
drink specials and Lena's (next door) will be catering. For those of you who were there last year, it was a great time! See
you there.
I hate toe keep bringing this up but I will just so everyone has it perfectly clear, players should be at the field for 6 p.m.
and games will begin NO LATER THAN 6:15 p.m. The same applies to the second round of games. Be there for 7 and
games will begin NO LATER THAN 7:15. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT WE DO NOT HAVE LIGHTS AT THE
PARK.
Last, but certainly not least, we are setting up pick up games at FSA (in Farmington) so that anyone interested in indoor
kickball can check out the facility before registration opens. You will have to sign up in advance for this, so keep please
notify your captain if you are interested. Captains, check with your players and get me a headcount with Player and Team
names by June 11th. If you know of other non-registered people who want to play pass me their names as well.
We'll see everyone an extra time this week and keep up the great work on the fields!
Jessica Donohoe
Your Board Officers
President [Lightning]– Zak Naldrett (High Kickin’)
President [Thunder] – Jay DeRonck (Oxymorons)
Vice President [Thunder] – Chad Owens (Balls Deep)
Treasurer – Jillian Brimecombe (Sotally Tober)
Useful Links
Facebook Group
Kickball365 Forum
WAKA Thunder
WAKA Lightning
6/2/2010
Lightning Division Rep - Deanna Reney (High Kickin’)
Thunder Division Rep – Jessica Donahoe (Balls Deep)
Co-Managers of Kickball Operations –
Kristin Pepin (SKITG)
Colleen Shugrue (Silver Foxes
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=78535695892
http://www.kickball365.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=140
http://www.kickball.com/season/ctthunderspring2010
http://www.kickball.com/season/ctlightningspring2010
9