Female Monologues
Character name: Luisa
Show: Fantasticks
This morning a bird woke me up. It was a lark, or a peacock; something like that. So I said hello. And it
vanished, flew away, the very moment I said hello! It was quite mysterious. So do you know what I did? I
went to my mirror and brushed my hair two hundred times, without stopping. And as i was brushing it, my
hair turned mauve. No, honestly! Mauve! Then red. then some sort of a deep blue when the sun hit it.... I'm
sixteen years old, and every day something happens to me. i don't know what to make of it. When i get up
in the morning and get dressed, I can tell...something's different. I like to touch my eyelids, because they're
never quite the same. oh, oh, oh! I hug myself till my arms turn blue, then I close my eyes and cry and cry
till the tears come down and I can taste them. I love to taste my tears. I am special. I am special! Please
god, please, don't let me be normal
Character: Fanny Brice
Show: Funny Girl
Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks (gasp) a bagel! You'd say,
'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem - I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody
recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions. Sweet as pie and tough as leather. And that's six
expressions more than all those...Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don't they
give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot, 'cause they're scared that I got...such a gift! 'Cause I'm the greatest
star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait - they're gonna hear a voice, a silver flute. They'll cheer each
toot, hey, she's terrific!, when I expose it. Now can't you see to look at me that I'm a natural Camille, and
as Camille, I just feel, I've so much to offer. Kid, I know I'd be divine because I'm a natural cougher
(coughs) - some ain't got it, not a lump. I'm a great big clump of talent! Laugh, they'll bend in half. Did
you ever hear the story about the travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A
thousand faces. I reiterate. When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts, I've got no axe to
grind. Ay! What are ya, blind? In all of the world so far, I'm the greatest star! No autographs, please.
What? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're
gonna be out! FINISHED! Then it'll be my turn!
Character name: Dorothy Gale
Show: The Wizard of Oz (RSC version)
But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you...and you were there. But you couldn't
have been could you? No, Aunt Em, this was a real truly live place and I remember some of it wasn't
very nice, but most of it was beautiful--but just the same all I kept saying to everybody was "I want to go
home," and they sent me home! Doesn't anybody believe me? But anyway, Toto, we're home! Home.
And this is my room, and you're all here and I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again. Because I love
you all. And... Oh Auntie Em! There's no place like home!
Character name: Lucy
Show: You're a Good Man Charlie Brown
Now Linus, I want you to take a good look at Charlie Brown's face. Would you please hold still a minute,
Charlie Brown, I want Linus to study your face. Now, this is what you call a Failure Face, Linus. Notice
how it has failure written all over it. Study it carefully, Linus. You rarely see such a good example. Notice
the deep lines, the dull, vacant look in the eyes. Yes, I would say this is one of the finest examples of a
Failure Face that you're liable to see for a long while.
Character name: Audrey
Show:
Little Shop of Horrors
Notes:
Audrey, who has suffered her entire life, is talking about her dream home
and the perfect man.
I dream of a place where we could be together at last... It's just a daydream of mine. A little development
that I dream of. Just off the interstate in a little suburb, far, far from urban Skid Row. The sweetest,
greenest place - where everybody has the same little lawn out front and the same little flagstone patio out
back. And all the houses are so neat and pretty... 'Cause they all look just alike. Oh, I dream about it all the
time. Just me. And the toaster. And a sweet little guy - like Seymour…
Character Name: Lucy
Show: You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown
Do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m going to be the biggest queen there
ever was, and I’ll live in a big palace and when I go out in my coach, all the people will wave and I will
shout at them, and...and...in the summertime I will go to my summer palace and I’ll wear my crown in
swimming and everything, and all the peo ple will cheer and I will shout at them... What do you mean I can’t
be queen? Nobody should be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It’s usually just a matter of
knowing the right people.. ..well.... if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very rich then I will buy myself a
queendom. Yes, I will buy myself a queendom and then I’ll kick out the old queen and take over the whole
operation myself. I will be head queen.
Character: Juniper
Show: Tomorrow’s Wish
I kissed a boy once. At least I tried. I don’t know if it counts if they don’t kiss back. But I tried to kiss a boy
and it almost worked. Most of the time Grandma and I don’t get to see folks much, but we go into town.
Sometimes. And Grandma says I just have to be careful to mind my manners, and Grandma says I’m real
good at being careful, but sometimes I get so bored in that little town. Only one video store. Only two
churches. And the park only has two swings and a pool that never gets filled up anymore. But in our little
town there is a boy named Samuel. He's a bag-boy at the grocery store. He does it just right and never
squishes the eggs. And he has red hair and green eyes. And… (Laughs at the memory.) Freckles all over
his face! And Samuel is so nice. So nice to me and Gram. He would always smile and always say “thank
you” and “your welcome.” If he says, “Have a nice day,” then you do. That’s
how good he is at his job. And I always wanted… I always wanted to be close to him, or to talk to him,
without Gram around. And one day when Grandma had a really bad cold I got to go to the store all by
myself. And I bought some oyster crackers and some medicine. Then I got to watch Samuel all by myself.
Watch him do his bag boy job. I just stared and stared, trying to count all of
those handsome freckles. Then, he asked if there was anything else I wanted. I just whispered “Yes.”
(Pauses, closes eyes in remembrance.) And then I grabbed him by the ears and MmmmmmmMM!
(Pretends she’s grabbing and kissing him.) That was my first kiss. It was the most romantic moment of my
life. Until the manager pulled me off of him.