Being Persuasive: Using the You Attitude
FOCUS ON "YOU" INSTEAD OF "I" AND "WE"
Your receivers are usually more concerned about themselves than about you or
the company you represent. They are more likely to read your message when they see
their name and the pronoun "you" rather than "I," "we," or "us."
Usually it is desirable to get your reader into the first paragraph. (Exceptions are
presented later in this section.) If psychologically desirable, begin with "you" or "your,"
and keep your reader in the message (tactfully) until you finish. The opposite of the
you-attitude is the we-attitude, in which the writer views every matter from his or her
own (or the organization's) standpoint rather than from the reader's:
I/We-Attitude
I want to send my congratulations for. . . .
We will soon ship the goods in your May 4
order.
We pay 8% interest on. . . .
You-Attitude
Congratulations on your…
You should receive by May 8 the Apex
screens you ordered May 4
You earn 8% interest on. . . .
The we-attitude department store message, letter 1 below, contains 20 "we-ourus-I-my" pronouns and only 3 "you's."
Letter 1 We-attitude
May I take this opportunity to express my thanks for the account you recently opened
with our store. We are pleased to furnish a wide variety of products for the home or
individual customers.
We want you to take full advantage of our store services, for we have the largest
stock in the city. Also we make deliveries of our customers' purchases free of charge
within 30 miles of our store.
The next two paragraphs--omitted here to save space and reading--have four "we's,"
three "our customers," and no "you." The last paragraph is:
We welcome you to Bekinson's. If we can be of additional service in any manner,
please call on us.
In contrast, letter 2--rewritten for more you-attitude--contains 20 "you's" and
"your's and only 2 "we-our-us" pronouns.
Letter 2 You-attitude.
Thank you for the account you recently opened at Bekinson's. Serving you with your
needs for clothing and home furnishings is a pleasure.
You can satisfy all your shopping needs when you visit any of Bekinson's 32 wellstocked departments. Our courteous, skilled salesclerks are ready to assist you in
selecting the merchandise that best meets your requirements.
If you prefer to shop within the comfort of your home, instead of coming to the store,
you need only telephone 555-8823. A Personal Shopper will gladly take your order for
any number of items, answer your questions about brands and sizes available, and see
that the goods you order reach you by store delivery within a few days.
When you shop at Bekinson's downtown store, you are invited to use the free
customer parking privilege provided just across the street.
You are always welcome at Bekinson's. Please call on us whenever you need
additional services.
Exceptions
In two kinds of situations it is advisable not to use "you."
1. When the reader has made a mistake:
Poor: You failed to enclose your check in the envelope.
Better: The envelope we received did not have a check in it.
Poor: Your contract tells you plainly that . . . .
Better: I am glad to explain more fully the contract terms.
2. When the reader has expressed an opinion different from your own:
Poor: You are entirely wrong in your attitude.
Better: The proposed plan has three aspects that are extremely important and
we need to explain now.
SHOW READER BENEFIT OR INTEREST IN READER
Whenever possible and true, show how your readers will benefit from whatever
the message asks or announces. They will be more likely to react favorably and do
what you suggest if you show that benefits are worth the effort and cost. In situations
where actual direct reader benefit is impossible or irrelevant to the subject matter, the
message should at least show interest in and concern for the reader's needs or
viewpoint. Even a simple request gets better response when a reader-benefit plug
accompanies it.
For example, an insurance company that wanted to update its address files sent to
half its policyholders a double postcard with this message:
Because we have not written you in some time, please help us bring our records up to
date by filling in and returning the other half of this card.
Only 3 percent of these cards came back. To the remaining half of its
policyholders the firm sent the same request.
Reworded to show reader benefit:
So that dividend checks, premium notices, and other messages of importance may
reach you promptly, please fill out and return the other half of this card.
This request brought 90 percent of the cards back in a few days!
NOTE:
Merely inserting the word you does not ensure you-attitude, as shown in
this sentence:
Example:
You will be glad to know that we now have a Walk-Up Window
open 7-9 a.m. and 3-8 p.m. every weekday.
Some readers may wonder, "So what?" The revised sentence includes reader benefit:
You can now take care of your banking needs also at our new
Walk-Up Window. It is open with a capable teller to serve you
7-9 a.m. and 3-8 p.m. Monday through Friday.
Reader-benefit appeals are desirable also in job applications, favor requests, and
announcements to your customers, prospective buyers, stockholders, and employees.
Whether you are writing to one person or to large numbers, try to personalize the reader
benefits (as in letter 2) instead of stating them in a general way ("our customers," as in
letter 1).
Exercise
Change the following sentences so that they emphasize you-attitude instead of weattitude.
1. We allow 2 percent discount for cash payments.
2.
This is just the kind of job I am looking for, since it offers me a chance to get
practical experience in personnel work.
3. Our pamphlet is designed to help its readers get the most out of raising beautiful
roses.
4. To help us improve our production schedule, we would appreciate your ordering two
weeks in advance.
5. I wish to tell you that we are sending your new coat tomorrow.