Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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AVENues
Asexual:
A person who does not experience sexual
attraction. Unlike celibacy, which is a
choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation.
AVEN:
The Asexual Visibility and Education
Network, an online community and
resource archive striving to create open
and honest discussion about asexuality
among asexual and sexual people alike.
AVENues:
A bimonthly publication available
online, created by members of the
AVEN community in order to further
showcase our thoughts and promote
discussion by and about asexuals.
For more information, visit
http://www.asexuality.org.
Contents
News – pg. 2
Food For Thought – pg. 3
“Victims” – pg. 4
From the Forum – pg. 5
“Incredibly Ace Moments” – pg. 6
Asexuals All Over – pg. 8
Internet Spotlight – pg. 9
Featured AVENite: “CaleCaesar” – pg.
10
“Libido to a Creative Mind” – pg. 10
Meetup Listings – pg. 10
Announcement: Asexy Dirty Weekend
– pg. 11
An AVEN meetup in San Francisco
The (A)sexually Oppressed?
by MANDREWLITER
“No more fiendish punishment could be devised, were such a thing
physically possible, than that one should be turned loose in society
and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the members thereof.” William
James, Psychology.
This is the quote that begins the first known article on asexuality
—“Asexual and Autoerotic Women: Two Invisible Groups” by Myra
T. Johnson. Such women were so unnoticed in society that Johnson
found it difficult to find a vocabulary to describe them: “There appear
to be relatively few appropriate words in the English language to describe the individual who, regardless of physical or emotional condition, actually sexual history, and marital status or ideological orientation, seems to prefer not to engage in sexual activity. Oppressed by a
consensus that they are non-existent, these are the 'unnoticed' who in
this article are called 'asexual'—by default.”
This chapter is found in a book called The Sexually Oppressed. It is
precisely because asexuals—and asexual women in particular—could
be considered oppressed that this chapter was able to appear in that
book, and this chapter seems to be the spark that started most of the
(very scant) appearance of asexuality in subsequent literature. It was
published in 1977, and the first model of sexual orientation that included asexuality appeared in 1978—my suspicion is that the existence
of this article, along with work on measuring masculinity and femini-
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
News
AVEN's been doing loads of site work, including the
election of five new moderators and a complete redesign of
our front page! (We at AVENues are thrilled, since the
front page now includes an image and link to our latest
issue.) The AVEN Digest, the restarted Post of the Week,
and a list of recent blog posts about asexuality will also be
featured on AVEN's front page. And we've got our first
new Asexual Perspectives article in a long time, namely
“Life After Asexuality” by Ily. The look of the AVEN
Store has also been updated, although it still stocks the
same merchandise. Meanwhile, in the forums, there's been a
bit of controversy over a new banner reminding people not
to make discriminatory statements.
Asexuality remains a hot topic in the media. ABC News
and Fox News in the USA and Sugar magazine in the UK
have all provided coverage of asexuality since our last issue
of AVENues. Radio New Zealand did an interview with
actor Harry McNaughton, who plays the asexual character
Gerald Tippett on the New Zealand soap opera Shortland
Street. The AVENite EGAD! also is making a DVD of a
presentation on asexuality she gave at her university.
David Jay and Andrew Hinderliter released a “fireside chat”
video on YouTube explaining their progress with the DSM
Task Force and asking for help from any AVENites or
allies who know of asexual-friendly therapists or people
researching sexuality. The DSM Task Force is charged with
revising the definition of various mental disorders in the
DSM-V, an upcoming new version of the diagnostic
manual used by countless psychiatric professionals, and one
of AVEN's goals is to find a way to revise or remove the
definition of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder so that it
doesn't pathologize asexuality.
Current research on asexuality includes two psychologists
at the National University of Ireland, an honors psychology
student in Massachusetts, a geography undergraduate in
London, England, and a sociology graduate student from
Warwick University in England. The UBC Sexual Health
Lab in Vancouver, British Colombia is also still looking for
asexual women to participate in an important study on
biological markers of sexual orientation. News media
outlets that want to talk to asexuals include Scarlet
magazine in the UK, the Polish edition of Cosmopolitan
magazine, a writer for South West News Service in the UK,
the National Spanish TV Station in Madrid, and an author
writing a book on asexuality in France.
There's also a new group for asexuals on the social
networking site Bebo. Unfortunately, the asexual friendship
forum Ace Linkup recently closed due to a lack of interest.
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nity that recognized a difference between being
high in both and being low in both, played a key
role in producing that model of sexual orientation.
This illustrates the political utility of showing
ourselves to be oppressed. If no one is doing
anything to disadvantage asexuals qua asexuals,
why should people take time to listen to our
concerns? Why should they care about doing
anything to help us? Why should we be included in
discussions of sexual and gender minorities? Being
able to portray asexuals as oppressed appeals to
people's moral feelings and can be useful in making
allies and doing visibility.
Yet, if we insist on how oh-so-oppressed we are
without much to show for it, we could be perceived
as whiners at best and trivializers of real oppression
at worst. And more than that, insisting on how
oppressed we asexuals are creates the potential to
view ourselves as victims.
In Jeff Smith's comic Bone, the character Phoney
Bone scams a town and justifies it with a keen
observation of group psychology: “People like to be
victims! There's a certain unassailable moral
superiority about it.” This is quite correct. The real
question, however, is if it is healthy.
The danger of seeing ourselves as oppressed is its
potential of creating an “us vs. them” dichotomy.
On the one side is us, the poor, misunderstood,
oppressed asexuals. On the other side is them
oppressing us—the big, bad asexophobes telling us
we're repressed, that we need to get cured, that we
just haven't met the right person yet, that we can't
be asexual because that means we reproduce by
ourselves.
The first question to ask is whether this is
oppression. Annoying? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. But
oppression? Has anyone been imprisoned for being
asexual? Has anyone been institutionalized? Has
anyone been subjected to "reparative therapy?"
It's true that reading comments people post on
articles about asexuality can be annoying – but you
don't have to read those. And coming out to parents
who don't believe in asexuality can be painful.
Clearly, there is a real need to increase visibility
and understanding of asexuality, but if we view
ourselves as oppressed—and especially if we view
ourselves as victims—there is the danger of the
sense of the “unassailable moral superiority” that
comes from such a self-perception.
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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Food For Thought
In the last issue of AVENues, we asked you the following question:
In what sense, if any, are asexuals oppressed, and how should this influence the goals of AVEN?
Mandrewliter's article above is one of the responses we got. Here are some others:
I don't think oppression comes until public recognition of
the group's existence happens. First comes refusal to recognize it as an orientation; then making fun of it; then a varying amount of oppression once they see we're serious; then
acceptance when they even more see we're serious.
- Sally
I feel oppressed by a society that keeps demanding that I,
and other asexuals, must change our ways and live like everyone else does, that is, either a) become promiscuous and
pick up total strangers in a bar and bring them home without even knowing their name(s), or b) get married, have babies, buy a minivan, yada-yada-yada. I'm sick of it. Who are
these people to tell me, or anyone else, how we should live?
and a lack of understanding about what asexuality
actually is. If asexuals come out to the world, I think
the biggest problem we face is a lack of comprehension: for sexuals it's probably the equivalent of
having someone with perfectly good eyes saying they
prefer having them closed all the time.
- Werekitten
I don't think it occurs in this era of this culture, but
what about when people are pretty much forced to
get married and have children because it's totally
unacceptable not to unless you join a religious order
(if there are any)?
- metalgirl2045
- thylacine
I don't think women have ever been pressured in this
sex-repressed society to be promiscuous -- if
anything, there's quite a bit of pressure the other
way, to be chaste and stay a virgin for your husband,
and all that. The existence of a female sex drive is
still rather... denied... in mainstream society (though
not in some pop music!). As for any pressures to get
married and have kids... that's been going away
steadily since the 1950's. I mean, NPR says that 51%
of women are living without a husband (in America),
As for the white picket fence, marriage, 2.4 kids and a dog
now. That number seems a bit high to me, but the
called Spot, it's not really a pressure on asexuals as that
point remains: it's nowhere near uncommon, or
implies that no asexuals want those things. I think many
frowned upon. Not anymore, at least.
asexuals have the same problem that a lot of gay people
have in that they want them but they're more difficult for So to answer the question, no, I don't see asexuals as
them to obtain.
oppressed in any sense of the word. But sometimes, I
get the impression that there are a lot of asexuals
I don't think asexuals are oppressed. For me, oppression
who desperately want to be oppressed, or persecuted
means that asexuals would have to be specifically targeted.
in some way, as some sort of twisted validation of
We can feel pressured by the expectations of a sexual societheir existence.
ty, but it's an unintended pressure born through the majority
of people's ignorance that such a thing as asexuality exists
- Snap-Dragon
I think promiscuity is more of a pressure felt by the younger
generation who are in too much of a hurry to be grown-ups
and see drinking, smoking and sex as a fast track to that. By
the time they leave school it seems like it's meant to be part
of their life-style as a young adult, even if they don't
necessarily enjoy it (and there are plenty of sexuals who do
it despite not getting much of anything out of it, my best
friend being one of them).
This issue, we have a new question for you:
David Jay's blog (http://www.asexualunderground.blogspot.com/) recently finished an excellent series on his model
of how asexuals can find relationships, community, and intimacy that work for them. Not only is it recommended
reading for anybody who also reads AVENues, but it's time for other AVENites to chip in. What relationships and
communities are most important in your life? Why and how do they work for you? How did you get involved
with them, and how are you maintaining them now?
Send your answers to newsletter@asexuality.org. We'll publish our favorite responses, along with another question,
in our next issue.
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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Victims
By COLT-KUN – based on the poem of the same name by SKYLARK
He had genuinely surprised me when he put his hand on
my neck. I jumped, then said, “Geez, you know that
scares me!” like I always did. He only looked at me as he
held open the door to the coffee shop. I didn’t think
anything of it as I scanned the crowd inside the cheerily
lit shop or as we ordered two hot chocolates. But he was
quiet, too quiet, as I picked out a tall table with tall
chairs so I could swing my feet.
word. They were just unknown, and in the unknown
there lay potential for anything. I realized that that was
what he saw also, only in a negative light.
“Trauma expresses itself in different forms in different
victims,” he said a bit quickly, as if trying to push it out.
“Sometimes I think – you’re so - I just… I want to know.
I want to know what I’m doing that scares you-”
“What makes you think you’ve done something?”
It was only after I took the lid off my hot chocolate and
drank about half while he hadn’t touched his that he “You always jump–”
tentatively spoke. “Can I ask you a question?”
“I’m just easily surprised and it’s not like you
I grinned. “Didn’t give me much of a chance there, now announce–”
did ya?”
“You can’t keep on denying it–”
He gave me a rare ‘not amused’ look. “It’s a… fragile
“I’m not denying anything!”
question.”
We had gotten a little loud, and the people at the
“Do you mean delicate?”
surroun-ding tables looked at us. We both immediately
Again, the look. His mouth opened and shut a few times looked down, silenced. I tapped the side of my cup,
and I could see he was struggling. “If you don’t say it, I watching the tremors while he took a long drink from
his.
will comment on your wonderful carp impression.”
He decided to ignore me instead of giving his usual witty
retort. “I want to know…” he paused, then his voice
dropped so low I had to ask him to repeat it. “Has
anyone…hurt you.”
There was a moment when I didn’t have a clue what he
was talking about, then I noticed how his hands
tightened while he stared at me. My expression must
have changed as he continued, “Just… how you react
when I just touch you…”
“You surprise me; that’s all.”
A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped again. His
eyes narrowed in silent accusation as someone softly
said, “Excuse me.” I turned to see an older woman who
could have been a television mom. “Are you okay?” she
asked me, but her eyes were trained on him.
“We’re fine.” I forced a smile to reassure her. “Just
heatedly debating a difference in opinions.” She looked
at me, then at him again, obviously concerned. But she
returned the smile and turned away, although she sat in
her chair funny to keep an eye on us. We both kept
drinking in uncomfortable silence under her watch.
He just stared, his eyes flickering to the side when there
“It’s sad,” I finally spoke.
was a rowdy laugh from another table.
“What’s sad?” he asked, playing with his cup.
For a moment, I let the cloud slip in front of my eyes,
and I saw what he did. The faces smiling and laughing in “That we live in a world that makes you automatically
the warm light turned dark. Suddenly instead of being think such awful things.”
just people, they had transformed into criminals: thieves
He didn’t reply, just finished off his hot chocolate. The
and liars and murderers and attackers.
television mother stood up and left, giving us one more
I blinked and it vanished, and all that I saw were people. long glance. I watched her go, then looked around at the
Strangers really, but strangers seemed like such a dark people before I softly said, “Maybe in that way… we’re
all victims” and finished my drink.
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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From the Forum
A selection of posts from the discussion boards on the AVEN website
Sometimes I wonder whether the definition on AVEN is supposed to refer exclusively to human attraction or not. If
sexual attraction is not defined exclusively as something that makes you want to interact sexually with other people,
then fetishists are not asexual. Otherwise we'd have to add 'to other people'. But I don't see why we wouldn't include
fetishists. Fetishists are defined in clinical psychology as people who don't become aroused by people but do by
non-sexual objects, so they would have almost all of the same likely experiences and challenges that other asexuals
speak of.
I also see parallels between the issues surrounding hyposexual aversion disorder and fetishism in the DSM. This
medical discussion about fetishism is a good example: if people in a relationship have problematic differences in
their sexuality, is it appropriate to label the one with the rarer sexuality to be labeled with a disorder? If the fact that
some people steal objects to satisfy their fetish can be blamed on their fetish, can rape be blamed on someone's
hetero- or homosexuality and it's their orientation that needs to be changed now? The fact that they think emotional
and social problems are probably behind it all. And shock and odor therapy and 'training' fetishists to be aroused by
humans instead? Aren't we past that sort of thing yet? I'd be pretty surprised if there were a single case of someone
given a nice smell when they think of people beginning to be sexually aroused by the thought of people - if nice
smells had that power there'd be a lot more people with a lot more fetishes!
- square peg, Dec 12 2008, "you have a fetish?!" in Asexual Musings and Rantings
I'm 23, female, married and asexual. This news would most likely surprise most everyone in my life, as I tend to
have a 'hypersexual' personality–I love to joke, model for 'sexy' pictures, etc. The only thing that makes me slightly
uncomfortable are jokes/comments about our sex life specifically. They make me squirm a bit inside, but I
understand that others don't understand and that's alright with me. Until such time as I've explained it to them and
have right to expect their understanding, I won't hold it against them.
- Chesh, Dec 27 2008, "Oh hi" in Welcome Lounge
I don't think we can expect not to ever feel lonely or miss people a bit, or be sad that folk are leaving our lives or
need to work out why; that is the price of caring about someone. But I think we can make it something we pass
quickly through because we accept it as the way life is. Maybe we can only really be happy if our expectations are
realiastic. Maybe believing (at any level) in 'happily ever after' is a kind of modern curse that forces us to be
miserable, whether or not we find a partner.
Because happily ever after is harder for asexuals, maybe we are actually blessed by having to look at it... having a
better chance of seeing that its all just a myth we can shake off. Maybe we can be happy for real, rather than
entering into some conspiracy to pretend that 'the other' makes us happy.
- Heligan, Jan 11 2009, "Shut Up, Brain..." in Asexual Musings and Rantings
From the Forum posts belong to their respective authors and do not necessarily represent the official viewpoint of the
Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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Incredibly Ace Moments
Humor from the AVEN discussion forums
Me: We've been studying DNA replication in AP Bio. It makes me so happy; genetics is the shit.
Friend: If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
Me: I'd be topoisomerase because it has a cool name!
*friend and surrounding friends snicker for a while*
Me: Wait...that was sexual, wasn't it?
- you*hear*but*do*you*listen
I was about fourteen at a sleepover and the discussion was "how far" everyone had gone. When asked, I launched
into a story of how I would pretend to want to kiss boys (as a child) so that they would not destroy our snowforts...
which usually worked miraculously, except for this one boy who said OK and I actually ended up kissing him on
the cheek.
Which was clearly not what they wanted to hear. And which I only realized about halfway through my story, when
the other girls started looking at me funny.
- chipmunkgirl
Conversation at age 12 with my dad with our respective tones of voice in parentheses:
Me (casual): I don't want to have kids until I've been married a few years, so I don't think I'll have sex until then.
Dad (bluntly): Well, no, you'll have it on your wedding night.
Me (appalled, worried): What? Do I have to?
Dad (reassuring and trying not to laugh): No, of course not. But you'll want to by then.
- TheLocalCrazyCatLady
When we were reading The
Canterbury Tales in English, my
teacher said, “They're doing
what people do in the dark at
night,” and I said, "Hide and go
seek?"
- back_slash123
I'm a big Supernatural fan, and
I'll be the first to admit the two
leads are gorgeous (in fact, I often am). I'm drawn to pretty cars
and I'm straight, so, yes...big fan
of the Winchesters. Having said
that, I'm forever getting strange
looks from people when I try to
convert them to the show because the pitch always goes like
this, "Two good-looking brothers fight demon crime blah
Art by COLT-KUN
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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blah blah THEY DRIVE THE BEST CAR IN THE WORLD." From this point on, all I can talk about is how
gorgeous and pretty and shiny the car is (it really is and I have great love for classic cars, even though I despise
driving). If I get too many looks, I try to amend things with, "You understand the boys are really attractive, right?
Because the car is prettier than they are." Then I give up and change the subject.
In real life, a common misconception made about me by friends is that because I never complain about my romantic
entanglements, I am a relationship guru. I try to explain that it's not hard to have a perfect track record when you
don't actually have a record, but no one seems to get it. Not even when my advice consists of "Boyfriends/girlfriends are stupid. Don't have sex, because it's kind of gross, it always complicates things, and you always come
crying to me when it goes down the toilet. You people are all insane." I think maybe they think I'm joking? I
honestly don't know why I keep getting asked. No one ever follows the advice. Perhaps they think that's a joke, too.
- BalladOfJayne
I've had my dad ask me when I'm getting a girlfriend...... I told him probably never..... and he was like, well, you
should get a gf anyways, and I replied.......And why would I want to do that?
That shut him up.
- HD Ready
A friend: “Hey, you got something on your hair.”
Me: “What?”
Friend picks up the 'something' and shows me: a small sticker with a G on it, probably from a t-shirt I had tried on
previously
Friend: “Now we know where your G-spot is.”
She knows I'm ace and that made us laugh so hard that day.
- Billie
While I was getting ready to go to the midwest Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender conference, my friend Ben was
in my room reading one of my boy love (ok, just boy sex) comic books. He looked at me nervously and said "Can
I... can I borrow this?"
I said "Yeah, sure, go ahead."
Weeks later, he came out to me as gay. When I didn't believe him, he said "Why do you think I wanted to borrow
your comic with men having sex?"
Didn't occur to me to look at the comic in a sexual way. I know it sounds farfetched, but it's the truth.
- Harpsiccord
I had a moment the other week where I was complaining to a friend that, during a night clubbing with my
boyfriend, we went back to the hotel so he could change his shoes and ended up staying there. I was so annoyed that
we didn't go back, even to say bye to my friends! Said friend was being subjected to a major rant about this, about
how I'm too damn nice to say 'no', how rude it was, blah blah blah.
She kind of stared at me for a moment as if I was stupid, then laughed. "You're so asexual - I'd *love* it if my man
whisked me off to a hotel room!"
"But I was talking to–oh."
- Hayley
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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Asexuals All Over
A selection of posts from all over the Internet
So maybe I was lacking in sex drive because of
my recurrent depression, or my feelings of fatigue? Towards the end of 2008 I also had the
opportunity to discover the truth about that,
when I started a new medication, a low dose antidepressant (amitriptyline), to help with my
fibro symptoms. It worked for me really well
and I'm now sleeping more soundly, feeling
more upbeat and confident and rarely experiencing periods of extreme tiredness. I have more
energy, enthusiasm and motivation than I have
done for years.
Did my sex drive ramp up along with my energy? Did a desire to find a partner and fall in
love rear its head with my greater confidence
and reduced anxiety? No. In fact, the opposite
has happened. In the two months that I've been
feeling so much better, I've noticed that sex and
relationships have crossed my mind considerably less than they did before. No new sex drive
has sprung into existence and the occasional
moods I got into previously, where I would
think that dating and relationships might in fact
be the answer to my problems, have disappeared. One of the reasons that I haven't posted
much in that period, is, I think, that sex and
relationships haven't even really been entering
my head. I just feel generally so much more fulfilled with the rest of my life that there isn't
even the smallest gap for those thoughts to
sneak into. I think, in fact, that the small
amount of interest in sex and relationships I had
before was a product of my depression and
tiredness... it was during down times that I tended to want a "pick-me-up" and the thought of a
new relationship held some appeal. Now it
holds little or no appeal. Now I feel 100% sure
that being asexual and uninterested in relationships is an integral part of who I am - not the
by-product of some defect.
- Ravenstar, January 4, on the blog "Glad to
be A"
I really believe that the asexual community has gifts to offer, not
only to its members, but to the larger world as well. Those gifts
are something that I want to explore, and to share. Who should
care about asexuality? Everyone who’s ever felt pressured to kiss
someone they weren’t attracted to, suffer through a boring blind
date, or have sex because everyone else was doing it. Everyone
who ever wondered if there was something more than the datingmarriage track, and why we have so few meaningful relationship
options. Asexuals are tired of our culture’s constant pressure to
be sexual and sexy. We envision a world where people are free to
explore their sexuality in their own way and in their own time,
whether their libido is at zero or hyperdrive. Why would anyone
disagree with that idea of freedom?
- Ily, January 8, on the blog "Asexy Beast"
Recently, I was trying to think of new analogies for asexuality
Puppies. Asexuality is like puppies. They're so cute and lovable
and fun to play with, and you just wanna give 'em a great big
hug. But no matter how much you like them, when they mount
your leg, it's just like, "I don't think I'm comfortable with this."
Asexuality is like that, except instead of puppies, people, and
instead of your leg...
On second thought, perhaps I need to take my parable back to the
verisimilitudinal drawing board.
- pretzelboy, January 10, on the blog "Asexual Explorations"
Clearly human sexuality is in actuality more varied than most
people would like to think, but my main question (unanswerable
though it may be) is why do other people feel this way? How
does it affect their perspective on love, the way they feel towards
their crushes, and so on? I have a tendency to drive people crazy
asking them endless questions about how they think about love,
sex, intimacy, and other related topics, which I think is
frustrating to them mainly because they’ve never thought about it
before, or certainly not in such detail as I request.
Essentially, I want to know what other people feel. It’s not that I
want to change myself to feel the same way they do, because I’m
perfectly happy with my own lack of… not interest, because I am
certainly interested in human sexuality. From a distant, analytical
perspective. Sound familiar?
- The Gray Lady, January 14, on the blog "Shades of Gray"
Statements featured in “Asexuals All Over” belong to their respective authors and do not necessarily express the official
viewpoints of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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Asexual Lesbians
http://z4.invisionfree.com/Asexual_Lesbians/
Ace of Hearts
Asexual Lesbians is a forum open to anyone who
identifies as lesbian or is interested in asexual lesbian
issues. It is divided into topical sections much the same
way AVEN is, but with a focus on asexual lesbians
specifically.
http://www.frogthis.com/ace-of-hearts/
Ace of Hearts is the blog of theimpossiblek, a feminist
nerd in her twenties, who describes her experiences,
thoughts, and relationships as a romantic asexual.
Asexuality Research Network
Platonic Partners
http://groups.google.com/group/asexualityresearch
https://www.platonicpartners.co.uk/
Asexuality Research Network is a Google group for
scientists who are researching asexuality or have done
so in the past, begun by AVEN founder David Jay and
two graduate students from Michigan. Current and
future researchers can use the group as a resource and a
way to contact each other.
Platonic Partners is a website celebrating celibate,
platonic relationships and allowing users to meet other
like-minded people without the stresses of having to
perform sexually. They are asexual-friendly and come
with health resources and a newsletter.
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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Featured AVENite: “CaleCaesar”
Name: Cale
Age: 21
Location: Kansas
Preferred Label(s): Asexual
Bio: I’m a 21 year old ace and have identified as such since I was
introduced to the term during an English class when I was 17. I found
AVEN a year-ish later in 2006 and have since become one of the more
notorious members, known for my debauchery, controversial coup
against an antisexual Facebook group, and inability to bake. As far as
my involvement with AVEN, I’ve been an active member for most of
the time since registering and am currently a co-moderator for the Just
For Fun forum. Outside of AVEN, I’m a student at the University of
Kansas studying German. Or French. Or linguistics. Or something.
Yeah...it could be a while before I graduate...I don’t generally have a lot
of free time outside of work and class, though much of it is spent either drinking tea or causing mayhem with a
bottle of Mogen David.
How he found AVEN: One night I was lounging about my bedroom with Tucker Carlson (when he actually had
a show on MSNBC...and when it was actually good. You know, before he stopped wearing the bow tie.) on in
the background, and that night David Jay was interviewed about asexuality and caught my attention. I thought,
“Hey...I’m asexual. I should check out this asexuality.org website...” And I did. And then I registered a couple
months later.
Libido to a Creative Mind
by CAIT
I am climbing a ladder.
It is very high; I cannot see the top.
It’s strange that anyone should be
Down there, and looking in my skirt,
For I am looking up, going
Up, and always looking up.
The most important thing about AVEN: Its diversity. It’s great that
there are so many variations of asexuality (grey-asexuality, demisexuality,
all the romantic orientations within these) that it’s difficult to find a
“cookie cutter” asexual within the community, and the complexity of this
has allowed for people to shed the restrictive templates of sexual
orientation that are predominant within the general public and to better
learn about their identity.
Advice for newcomers: Don’t be afraid to communicate. AVEN is one of
the more open and accepting (not to mention friendly) spots on the
internet.
Meetup Listings
More and more asexual people from around the world are meeting each other through AVEN – not only online,
but in real life, too. Here's a look at some of the most recent meetups and some upcoming meetups. To see more
meetups, or to organize your own meetup, hop on over to the Meetup Mart section of the AVEN forums.
December 6 - London meetup at Penderel's Oak with December 21 - meetup in Amherst, Massachusetts
ice skating
December 27 - meetup at noon at the Titanic exhibit at
December 10 - mini-meetup watching "Wings of the Gwiz museum in Sarasota, Florida
Desire" at the Harvard Film Archive in Boston,
January 4 - San Francisco meetup at Crossroads
Massachusetts
January 15 - meetup at the Loyd Center Mall in
December 13 - meetup at the Amazon Steakhouse in
Portland, Oregon
Sydney, Australia
January 23 - Asexuality Forum at the University of
December 17 - San Francisco meetup at the ferry
Michigan Student Union in Ann Arbor, Michigan
building and the science museum
January 24 - meetup at the Sunset Mall in Miami,
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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There are also “Office Hours” every Tuesday at 6:00 p.m. at the Granville Island Starbucks in Vancouver, British
Columbia.
Note: If you do meet people from the Internet, please remember to be safe and meet in a public place. Tell some
friends where you are going and when you expect to be back, and make sure you have taxi fare in case of an
emergency.
Announcement: Asexy Dirty Weekend
It’s the meetup everyone’s talking about.
The asexy dirty weekend will be a spectacular landmark event; never has an AVEN meet promised so much
excitement. It's packed with exciting activities which include paintball, sightseeing, barbeque, picnic and country
walking. And a good frolic!
Paintball will take place at an established and reputable venue near Bath where the game zones include a disused
military aircraft. After a day’s exertion, the
following day we'll spend time in the
historic city of Bath or Bradford-on-Avon.
What better way to draw the weekend to a
close by relaxing with a barbeque in the
evening. There’s something to appeal to
everyone, and you don't have to participate
in all the activities - just join in on the ones
that appeal to you and make merriment
with other AVENites.
This event needs you - please see full
details in the Meet-up Mart. You just can't
shy away from this; it's too great to pass by.
Look forward to seeing you there!
-Joshua
Issue #18 – Saturday, January 31st, 2008
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AVENues Wants You!
Here's the deal:
AVENues is not written by high-faluting AVEN officials in a secret office somewhere. AVENues is written by you
– by real live asexuals, demi-sexuals, not-sure-yet-sexuals, and their allies. That means that keeping things moving
in here is up to you.
In every issue, we're going to need a ton of writing, and we're making it easy now by giving you a list of exactly
what we want. Here is a list of what AVENues is made of:
News: If you were at (or know of) an event that had something to do with asexuality, we'd like to hear about it!
Opinion and theory: about asexuality. 300-1500 words is the best length.
Media: Have you spotted something asexual in a movie, book, song, or TV show? How are we being represented?
Poems and short stories with asexual themes.
The best of AVEN and beyond: If you're hanging out online and see a quote that deserves publishing or a
hardworking asexy warrior who deserves recognition – no matter where from - then tell us about it!
Reader responses: We love getting letters, whether it's agreement with something, disagreement with something,
questions, general comments, praise, curses, suggestions, or anything else you can throw at us! And it only takes a
minute to answer the latest Food For Thought question.
Art and photography: Anything visual with an asexual or AVEN theme is well worth including, especially photos
from AVEN meetups!
Fun: Comics, puzzles, recipes – give our inner child something to do!
Send it all to newsletter@asexuality.org, and remember, we'll write back to you within three business days.
Our next issue of AVENues comes out on Saturday, March 28, 2009. The deadline for submissions to Issue #19 is
Wednesday, March 18, 2009.