When the Grim Reaper Comes to
Our School
Dr. Cheryl Sawyer
University of Houston Clear Lake
Sawyer@uhcl.edu
This presentation suggests materials and intervention strategies to
help the counselor be pre-prepared in the event of a death or loss,
including letters to parents, strategies for helping the children and the
staff, suggestions for supporting family, and ways to promote self
care for the counselor throughout this ordeal.
Resources: Draft of Letter Home to Parents
• Create draft letters to send home
to parents/care givers
–
–
–
–
Death of student
Death of staff member
Death of class pet
Death in student’s family
This image cannot currently be displayed.
• Translate draft letters ahead of
time
• Get district approval in advance if
required
Personal Preparation:
Self Care
• Make a list of things
that help you relax or
comfort you.
• Gather or make
copies of any
needed supplies
• List of phone
numbers of other
professional
counselors outside
your district
Personal Preparation:
Self Care and Inevitable Loss
• Open discussion of future
– Acknowledge reality
– Listen to thoughts
– Acknowledge own fears,
thoughts
• Making plans
– What to tell children
– How to support family
– School memorial
• Saying goodbye
– Letter to survivors
– Thank you
Personal Preparation:
Miscellaneous
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sympathy Cards
Coping Cards
Tissues
Advil
Hard Candy
Change
Bottle of water
Child and Classroom Support:
Literature
This image cannot currently be displayed.
Children’s Literature, Continued
El Valiente Bart
Una historia para niños traumatizados y afligidos
Escrito por Caroline H. Sheppard, ACSW
Page 1
Mi nombre es Bart.
Yo soy un gatito negro y pequeño a quien le pasó algo muy malo, triste y espantoso, igual que las cosas
malas y tristes que te pasaron a ti. Aunque ha sido muy difícil para mí, yo he aprendido mucho de
lo que me sucedió.
Déjame contarte mi historia…Después de que la cosa mala, triste, y espantosa pasó, muchas cosas en
mi vida cambiaron—especialmente mis sentimientos y cómo yo actuaba.
Page 2
Al principio, pensaba que era al único que le había pasado algo malo. También pensaba que mis
sentimientos eran extrańos y tontos. Mis sentimientos a veces me espantaban. Pensaba que
nadie se podía sentir de la misma manera que yo.
No le quería contar a nadie mis sentimientos. Traté de mantener mis sentimientos para mí mismo.
Pero, aunque mantuve mis sentimientos para mí, empecé a actuar diferente.
Teenager and Adult Support
Literature
Child and Classroom Support:
Cards
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Markers
Crayons
Card Stock
Stamps
Stickers
Envelopes
Scissors
Tape
Glue
•
•
•
•
•
•
Puppets
Bubbles
Balloons
Letters
Stuffed Animals
Sand Tray Items
–
–
–
–
Hospital
Police
Family
Classroom
Normal Personal Reactions
• 1. Center Yourself
• 2. Gather Factual
Information
• 2. Support Team Plan
Activated
• 3. Staff Announcement
Meeting
• 4. School Announcement
and Intervention
• 5. Staff Release Meeting
• 6. Self Care
Shock
Fear
Confusion
Pressure
Grief
Guilt
Inadequacy
Announcing the Loss to the Students
Be Prepared for…
Do…
Practice ahead of time
Gently state that you have bad
news you need to share
Use age appropriate vocabulary
Speak slowly
Read prepared statement to older
children and teenagers
Send home notices to parents
Shock
Crying
Anger
Denial
Bargaining
Sharing of other tragedies and
losses
Sharing of religious dogma
Strange questions/comment
Inappropriate
Humor or
Comments
Guilt
Don’t
• Announce death over
loud speaker
• Use colloquial phrases to
soften death
• Describe suicidal action
• Glorify death
• Use religious jargon
• Share your personal
spiritual opinions with
students
Secondary Student Response
•
•
•
•
•
Denial:
– Invincibility Fallacy
Anger
– At deceased
– Guilt
– Heightened chemical response
– Scapegoating
Bargaining
– Investigate, Analyze, Blame
Depression
– Suicide risk
– Lower performance
– Increased agitation
Acceptance
–
Memorials
Staff Support: Day 1 Reflection
• At the end of the day, it is
helpful to call the staff
back together to reflect
on the stress of the day.
• Helpful tips include:
–
–
–
–
–
Reflections/thoughts
Read The Next Place
Poetry
Relaxation
Music
Self Care
• Team Action Review
– What were the positives of
this intervention?
– What was the hardest part?
– How could you strengthen
your plan for the future?
•
• Structured Debriefing
– www.tlcinst.org
– CISM debriefing
Personal Self Care
Implement Your Plan
Document your experience
Support group
Rest
The Gift
By Cheryl Sawyer
With spark of fire and flash of light
Add touch of mist and truth and might
With the dawn the colors shift.
A soul is born, from God a gift.
But time moves fast, too short the night
The gift from God again takes flight
And soars the sky and rides the wind
Til he finds his way to God again.
CD Mix
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
I Hope You Dance (Martina McBride)
I Believe (Brooks and Dunn)
The Dance (Garth Brooks)
Go Rest High (Vince Gill)
Love Remains (Colin Ray)
Friend that Died Young (Kenny Chesney)
Don't Cry (Brad Paisley)
Bridge Over Troubled Waters (Simon and Garfunkel, Willie Nelson)
Candle in the Wind (Elton John)
Circle of Life- Elton John (Lion King)
Holes in the Floor of Heaven (Steve Warner)
Tears in Heaven (Eric Clapton)
Wind Beneath my Wings (Bette Midler)
Arms of an Angel (Sarah McLaughlin)
Only Time (Enya)
Mama Will Hold Me (Kristi Nelso
Cheri Lovre
Director, Crisis Management Institute
Salem, OR 97308
503-585-3484
www.cmionline.org
If you would like to receive the “Tip of the Week” free of charge, please go online to the above listed website and sign up. The
tips below are courtesy of Cheri Lovre and present her highly knowledgeable opinions on the subject of grief and loss.
Announcing Deaths to Students
None of us went into education in order to deal with student
deaths, or to help students grieve. If we had wanted to
deal with kids and death, we'd have become hospice
workers or bereavement counselors. But death visits
schools, and if we can rise to the occasion, it provides a
wonderful opportunity for us to meet the profound needs
students have at such times, giving them coping skills
they'll use for a lifetime.
Often an administrator believes that because s/he is the
person who should take on the difficult responsibilities, the
announcement ought to come over the PA or kids should
be gathered in the auditorium to hear it from the authority.
But consider the value of having teachers read the
announcements to their classrooms. All classrooms. So
when a student in a school dies, whether anyone in any
given class knows that person or not, the teacher reads a
sensitively worded, carefully crafted announcement and
then engages students in a discussion about how to
support others who may be grieving - asking students to be
their "best selves" as they move through the hallways,
remembering that others may be struggling.
An added benefit of teachers reading these
announcements is that they have the opportunity to talk
about death when it isn't emotionally charged, thus
teachers gain language and concepts that will help them
when it is emotionally close to home. What a terrific way to
help teachers prepare for the moment when a student
returns to school after a family death. The team won't be
called in to help a student struggling with a family death,
but the teacher is a critical touchstone for that returning
student as s/he begins to learn how to survive in a life that
has been irrevocably changed.
Although teachers often want the counselor to talk to
students about the difficult issues related to death and
grief, this is actually a terrific opportunity for teachers, and
students find a much deeper trust with teachers who are
willing to share that vulnerable space with students and not
abandon them and their emotional needs. The Crisis
Resource Manual has a section in it specifically designed
to help teachers live with the discomfort and do it anyway.
Dear Parents and Caregivers,
I am sorry to inform you that a staff person/student/friend,
(NAME), at (SCHOOL NAME), had died (DAY/DATE).
(Insert what information can be shared about the cause
and circumstances of the death).
If your family has experienced a death or similar loss
recently, the death of (NAME) may bring up feelings about
that death. This is a normal experience. Please let your
child’s (teacher/counselor) know if there is any additional
information the school should be aware of so we can
provide the support your child needs.
Death can be difficult for us to understand, especially when
it is sudden. All of us will be feeling a variety of emotions:
shock, sadness, and confusion. What is important is that
we care for and support each other.
Any time death touches us it is extremely stressful. This
sudden death may be disturbing to you as well as to your
child. It is for this reason that we especially want you to
know of our caring and support.
The Crisis Response Team has made plans to respond o
the emotional needs of the students. (Spell out what is
being done: grief counseling, classroom debriefing,
and referrals).
Sincerely,
Date:
Estimados Estudiantes,
Crisis estará disponible para reunirse con ustedes en
(PLACE) para asistirlos con los sentimientos que ustedes
tengan. Ustedes podrán compartir los recuerdos que
tengan de (NAME). Los miembros del Equipo de
Respuesta a Crisis también estarán disponibles a cualquier
hora durante el día para ayudarlo si tiene una necesida
urgente de hablar con alguien. (Insert here specific
information on how students can access Team
members for support). Quiero invitar a los estudiantes
que particularmente estén molestos, quizás a un lidiando
con la muerte de algún familiar o amigo, para que hablen
con los miembros del Equipo de Respuesta a Crisis. Ellos
estarán dispuestos todo el día para reunirse con ustedes.
(PRINCIPAL’S NAME)
Le he pedido a su maestro que les lea esta carta a ustedes
porque quiero asegurarme que todos los estudiantes
reciban la misma información sobre la reciente tragedia en
nuestra escuela. Me da mucha pena informarles que
(NAME), un (maestro, estudiante/amigo) de (SCHOOL
NAME), murió (DAY/DATE). (Insert what information
can be shared about the cause and circumstances of
the death).
La muerte puede ser algo difícil de entender para nosotros,
especialmente cuando es repentina. Muchos de nosotros
podemos tener una variedad de emociones que pueden
incluir estar en estado de shock, de tristeza y de
confusión. Quiero asegurarles que a nosotros, los
miembros del personal de (SCHOOL NAME), nos importan
todos ustedes y los sentimientos que estén
experimentando.
Quiero que sepan que nosotros queremos brindarles
apoyo durante este tiempo. El Equipo de Respuesta a
Cada vez que ocurre una muerte nos causa mucha
tension. Esta muerte repentina puede causarles un shock
y confundirlos. Por estas rezones, queremos
especialmente que sepan que estamos dispuestos a
brindarles nuestra ayuda y nuestro apoyo.
Sinceramente,
(PRINIPAL’S NAME)
Bibliotherapy
After a Murder
The Dougy Center A book full of journaling and activities to help children after a murder. Focuses
on helping them feel safe, talking to police, the media, friends and family, going back to school, remembering the victim, and
more.
After a Suicide
The Dougy Center This is a colorful book of activities to help children after the suicide of a loved
one. It touches on how they feel, how to express feelings, how to talk to people about their loved one and their grief, going back
to school, dreams and nightmares, and more. A very valuable tool to help a child work through his grief and feelings.
Stinky Stern Forever
Michelle Edwards Stinky Stern, not well liked by his peers, is hit by a car and killed. The students
of his class are faced with how to deal with his death. This moving story is certain to resonate with anyone who has experienced
the loss of a classmate or friend.
The Next Place
Warren Hanson
Warren Hanson helps put fear of death to rest in this reassuring book
about the afterlife. Set against a soothing sky-blue background, he examines death, providing hope to those terminally ill while
reassuring those that remain that there is a "next place."
Tear Soup
P. Schweibert and C. DeKlyen
A Recipe for Healing helps Grandy work through a big loss
in her life. Mixing a pot of tears, together with a dash of Bitter, good friends, comfort food, and plenty of exercise, Grandy finds
that she is sometimes able to laugh and smile again.
Tenth Good Thing About Barney
Judith Viorst
A boy`s pet cat dies, and his family holds a funeral for the cat. Issues
include the afterlife, grief, loss, and finding the positve in loss.
Tough Boris
Mem Fox
Boris was the toughest, meanest pirate ever, but when his parrot died, Boris
cried. Issues include mourning, and giving boys permission to cry.
Love You Forever
Robert Munsch
A young mother holds her newborn son and sings him a song of
endearment. As he grows older, he becomes an active two-year-old, a rebellious teenager, and an adult. Throughout, the mother
holds him while he sleeps and sings him the same song. When she grows old and becomes sick, it`s the son`s turn to hold her
and sing it to her--just as he now does with his own baby. This simple story is about the enduring nature of a parent`s love and
how it crosses the generations.
Brave Bart
Caroline H. Sheppard
Bart the Cat learns that his thoughts, feelings and behavior after a
trauma are common. Traumatized children relate to Bart as symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder are paralleled. Issues
include PTSD triggers, peer relationships, getting professional help, trust, reassurance, group support, & hopefulness. Published
by the TLC Institute
What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies?
Trevor Romain
about death, saying goodbye, and understanding feelings.
Blackberry Stew
Answers to questions that kids have
Issues include losing a grandparent.
Cat Heaven / Dog Heaven When Dogs and Cats die, they go to a special place where they can run around, find treats, and
play. Issues include the afterlife of a pet.