ACHILLES, SCOURGE OF MAN
an excerpt by Kevin Artigue
CHARACTERS
Double-casting is suggested (principles: 1W, 3M + chorus).
ACHAEANS:
ACHILLES- 26, when we meet him he has been on the battlefield for ten years.
PATROCLUS- 30, Achilles' best friend and cousin.
PHOENIX - 50's, Achilles' childhood mentor.
AGAMEMNON- 40's, General of the Achaean forces.
ANTILOCHUS, ACHAEAN SOLDIERS, ATTENDANT.
TROJANS:
HECTOR- late 20's, General of the Trojan Army.
PRIAM- 60's, Hector's father, King of Troy.
HECUBA- late 40's, Priam's wife, Queen of Troy.
LYCAON- early 30's, a soldier in the Trojan Army, former slave.
ANDROMACHE, TROJAN SOLDIERS, TROJAN WOMEN, A BOY.
THETIS- 21, Achilles' mother, a goddess.
SETTING
The Ilion Plain: a wasteland of war; the ground is caked with human and industrial filth,
littered with broken machines and makeshift graves.
The soldiers have not seen a clean shirt or a shipment of supplies for years. They have,
for all design purposes, been abandoned.
TIME
Past/present/future.
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be
fought with sticks and stones.”
-Albert Einstein
2.
1.
The Trojan plain. Wind swept. Barren.
Radioactive.
Thetis, a goddess, enters. In jeans and
a hoodie, smoking a cigarette.
THETIS
Here
Somewhere here under the mud under the concrete lies my son
His bones
His blood
Swift-footed
God-like
Lion-hearted
The greatest
Achilles
My son
My curse
My son my curse my son my curse
You’re looking at me funny you have to remember
I’m a goddess
I don’t age
Botox yourself sick
Drink all the red wine you want
You can’t compete with me
But it’s all good
Until it isn’t
The crosses I bear
The loves
The losses
I carry with me
The lies
Misinformation
Cruelty left unpunished
Unnoticed
It piles up
Immortality
She takes a drag.
It’s a mixed bag...
There Troy stood
With it’s famous walls
It’s two gleaming towers
And there, way over there, by the sea
were the Achaeans- the Greeks- with their ships
3.
Achilles private ship which brought him to the war
At the age of sixteen
Achilles enters the stage.
A boy
A prodigy in every way
And with him his cousin his best friend Pat
Pat enters the stage.
Older than Achilles but still a boy
Two beautiful boys
One bred for war
One bred for peace
You’ll know who’s who by looking at them
Pat exits.
What do you do
As a mother
With a son who looks like this
Born with
So much power
Power here, here
So efficient
So explosive
So confused
And you’re his mother, what do you do?
Do you train him, like a dog
To sit
To stay
To not bite or beat up on strangers
To enjoy literature
Or do you keep him inside
Locked in his room
Fat
Drowsy
Medicated
Or do you say fuck it and cut the leash
Open the gate and let him loose
To catch rabbits
Cats
Other dogs
To sleep under a freeway
Cold and alone
4.
Achilles exits. Thetis lights up
another cig.
Or do you find a happy medium
Do you find a dog park
Full of dogs his size and weight
Throw Achilles a ball and let him fight it out
I tried that option
Sending him to Troy was that option
Don’t look at me like that he had a destiny
Think of it as genetic
A genetic predisposition for Glory
He didn’t want to be famous, he didn’t ask for that
Well maybe a little bit
Mostly he wanted to be remembered
Correctly
To live
Correctly
As a man
A son
As a husband
A co-worker
As a friend
A feeling, sensitive person
That’s the Achilles I knew
That I remember
But that’s not what’s in the books
That’s not the party line
Such bullshit what they say about him
How they say he died at the walls
They’re lying to you
Achilles
Scourge of Troy
My son
My curse
My son my curse
She takes a long drag.
Phoenix steps out of the shadows. He
drops to one knee and bows his head.
Thetis crosses to him. She leans over
and whispers into his ear.
My curse...
THETIS
5.
2.
Projection:
A slick but shameless TV ad promoting
the war.
Produced by the Achaean army’s
“Perception Management Team.”
It stars Achilles as the good guy.
And Hector as the bad.
And a young Helen of Troy as the
heroine.
It pitches the war like a Hollywood
blockbuster.
Fake tans.
Small waists.
Six packs.
Perfectly cast.
Perfect shit. But perfect enough you
might think to yourself, for a second:
I’d die for her.
It ends with a resounding cry of “FOR
HELEN! FOR GLORY!”
and the Achaean army logo: GO ACHAEANS.
6.
3.
Achilles tent. The sound of rain
falling outside.
It looks like a college dorm room.
Video games, posters, an electric
guitar and small amp.
Old Phoenix watches exasperated as
Achilles lifts weights and works out,
listening to music (Misfits: Die, Die,
Die My Darling).
Patroclus lies on the floor and reads a
book.
ACHILLES
Fuck that. And fuck Agamemnon.
PHOENIX
He’s your commander Achilles, watch your tongue.
PATROCLUS
Sorry but it’s how he was raised. To speak. Freely. To kill.
Freely. To say fuck. Freely. If you have a problem with it,
talk to his mother.
ACHILLES
You can’t. She’s a sea nymph.
PHOENIX
Do you forget Achilles how I bounced you on my knee? Patched
your scrapes? Wiped your poopy bottom?
ACHILLES
You never wiped my poopy bottom.
PHOENIX
Yes, I did! You’ve decided not to remember. So don’t talk to
me about how you were raised. Fucker.
ACHILLES
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Pat, give me a spot.
PHOENIX
Put the weights down, Achilles, and listen. That’s an order.
ACHILLES
Yes, sir.
(mockingly)
7.
Pat, you too.
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
I hear it’s raining blood outside, true?
PHOENIX
I don’t know. Let’s stay on subject.
Phoenix takes Achilles hands, tenderly.
PHOENIX
This behavior... this cowardice... hiding out in your tent
while the war is fought, while we lose... it’s not you. It’s
not the man you are destined to be. It’s not what your father
and I- and Patroclus- taught you to become.
ACHILLES
This guy. This guy didn’t teach me shit.
Pat smiles and slugs Achilles shoulder.
Achilles slugs him back. They suddenly
are wrestling, banging into tables,
knocking over chairs.
HEY!
PHOENIX
They don’t listen. Phoenix grabs their
ears.
ACHILLES
Ouch ouch ouch
ouch
PATROCLUS
Ouch ouch ouch
ouch
They sit.
Now hear me out.
Punk.
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
He hits Pat’s shoulder.
Don’t.
PATROCLUS
Pat is about to hit him back. In a
flash, Phoenix draws his knife and
holds it up to Pat’s throat.
8.
PATROCLUS
Yes, sir.
(genuinely scared)
Achilles grabs the handle and lowers
it, withe ease.
He racks more weights.
ACHILLES
What the fuck are we talking about? Spot me bitch.
Achilles finishes his set. A heavy
silence.
PHOENIX
We all came a long way to be here, Achilles. We followed youPATROCLUS
I was sixteen. I didn’t understand.
PHOENIX
That was ten years ago. Since then you’ve been stalling. And
now... NOW? When we’re LOSING you decide to TURN OFF THE
MUSIC!!
ACHILLES
TEN!
(finishing set)
Patroclus looks to Achilles, who nods.
Pat turns it off.
Achilles stands and reveals a stashed
bottle of wine. Achilles opens it.
Let’s celebrate.
Celebrate what?
ACHILLES
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
Being alive... and going home.
Oh my god...
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
Do you want to go home, Pat?
9.
Hell yes.
Then home it is.
Is that really wine?
You sound surprised.
PATROCLUS
ACHILLES
PHOENIX
PATROCLUS
PHOENIX
We ran out years ago. And it looks like mouthwash.
PATROCLUS
To get through screening.
ACHILLES
Would you like some wine, oh sweet-speaking, fucking Phoenix?
I would love some.
PHOENIX
Phoenix opens the cap and smells.
PHOENIX
Ah. Wine. Where is it from, do you know?
ACHILLES
California. Do you know California, Phoenix?
PHOENIX
I used to, I think... It’s hard to remember now...
believe you have wine.
PATROCLUS
I know, how’d you get that, man?
I have my sources.
ACHILLES
PATROCLUS
Your mom, huh. Another care package.
ACHILLES
Yeah.
(smiles)
I can’t
10.
PATROCLUS
Lucky. I wish my mom was a famous goddess. Sent me wine in
mouthwash bottles. That would be fucking great. My mom
doesn’t send me shit.
ACHILLES
That’s because you don’t have a mother, dumb ass. Or a dad.
He puts a hand to Pat’s cheek, gently.
You have me.
ACHILLES
He kisses his forehead.
To going home. Cheers.
ACHILLES
Achilles drinks from the bottle.
PATROCLUS
It’s not whiskey but it’ll do.
He prefers whiskey.
(to Phoenix)
He passes it to Pat, who drink from the
bottle. Then onto Phoenix, who takes a
small sip, swishes it in his mouth,
then sucks in air through his lips.
He’s serious about his wine.
PHOENIX
Subtle. Complicated.
(looking right at Achilles)
He takes a long swig.
PHOENIX
Fucking good. (handing bottle back) Thank you.
ACHILLES
You’re welcome. Now get the fuck out.
What?
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
My mind is set. We go home tomorrow. To Thessaly. To my wife.
11.
PATROCLUS
And mine. If she’s still waiting.
PHOENIX
Then we’ll lose. And that will become the story of this war.
How godlike Achilles abandoned his duty, his countryPATROCLUS
“Helen”, you mean. Abandoned “Helen”.
Helen is us.
If she even exists.
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
PHOENIX
She exists. As far as we’re concerned gentlemen, she’s real
and she’s in trouble.
Lies.
No.
LIES.
ENOUGH.
ACHILLES
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
PHOENIX
ACHILLES
Grain. Trade routes for cheap grain.
Coward.
PHOENIX
(beat)
Fuck the politics of this, you’re afraid. That’s what this
is. You’re afraid. Of your cIn one move Achilles covers Phoenix’s
mouth and brings a knife to his throat.
ACHILLES
Pat. Tell me not to slit his throat.
Don’t slit his throat.
PATROCLUS
12.
But I want to.
Don’t.
ACHILLES
PATROCLUS
ACHILLES
But I like it. I’m good at it.
No.
PATROCLUS
He releases Phoenix. He hands the knife
to Pat.
Hold this.
ACHILLES