Script 13
The Greek Camp Outside of Troy
Cast needed: Achilles, Patroclus, Hector, Thetis
Agamemnon: Man, since Hector and Ajax fought, we’ve been really going at it. With
Achilles not here, we are getting our butts kicked by the Trojans. We really need
Achilles, but I’m way too proud to ask him to come back. What are we going to do?
Patroclus: Hey Agamemnon. I’m Patroclus, Achilles’ best friend. I walk like Achilles, I
talk like Achilles, I fight like Achilles, and I fit his armor. I’m going to put on his armor
and lead the army and they’ll think it’s Achilles and we’ll dominate. It’s a shame the
Greeks are losing now, so I’ll do what I can to stop that.
Agamemnon: Okay Patroclus. Does Achilles know you’re doing this?
Patroclus: Yea. He said it was fine, just that I shouldn’t use his sword.
Agamemnon: Cool. Just stay away from Hector. He’s an animal on the battlefield.
Patroclus: Actually, I’m going to go right for Hector. He’s a pain in the Greek’s butt
and I’m going to take him out.
Hector: Oh boy. Finally Achilles is back in the battle. I’m going to take him down.
Patroclus: Oh no! Hector is killing me! Oh no! I’m dead!
Hector: Now that I’ve killed Achilles, I’m going to strip his body of the armor. This is
something that the Greeks do. Not only do we get some really great armor, but we also
get to show everyone our spoils of war. It’s a guy thing. Dang! This isn’t Achilles. Oh
well, I’ll take his armor anyway.
Achilles: Patroclus! Ye Gads! My special best friend is dead. I’m going to get that
Prince Hector. I don’t care about Agamemnon, myother special tent friend, or my pride
any more. Friendship is more important than anything! I’m going to go absolutely mad
with the passion of revenge. It will drive everything from my mind. But first, I need
some new armor.
Thetis: Don’t worry honey. I’ve already gotten Hephestus to make up some new
fashionable battle garb. He also made this swell new shield. It’s so special that Homer
wrote pages describing it. And there’s even been a poem about it written about it by
W.H. Auden, a British poet.
Achilles: Thanks mom, I’m off to war and I’ll kill Hector.
Hector: Oh no you’re not. I’m going to get you. Let’s fight!! Oh no! I’m dying!
Achilles, make sure you give my body to my family so they can send me to Hades
properly. Oh no, I’m dead.
Achilles: I’m not doing anything decent like giving your body back. I’ll take that fancy
man-sash Ajax gave you, tie your ankles with it, tie you to my chariot and drag you
around the walls of Troy. Then everyone will see what a strong man I am.