“Divorce and Re-Marriage”
Sex and Relationships Series
David MacGregor
27th July 2014
Beach Campus
Compassion
• This is an incredibly hard topic to speak on… It brings up so much pain and hurt with people.
• No one ever goes into marriage contemplating divorce.
• As Christians and as the church, we should have incredible compassion and kindness to those
going through separation and divorce.
• Divorce is very similar to death – some say it is even worse than death.
• We are covering this topic to find truth, understanding and freedom!
• We want to be a church that loves and accepts everyone, that helps everyone to come to a sense of
forgiveness and freedom.
What the Bible Says
• People ask for opinions, but this isn’t opinion, it is what Jesus and Paul said in the Bible.
• We are going to look at what the Bible says, as it is very clear.
• The only real decision people have to make is whether or not they will obey what the Scripture says.
Bible History
• Divorce and remarriage were very common in Bible themes.
• In the Old Testament, if a man was displeased with his wife, he could write a certificate of divorce…
It was an extremely unfair law that disadvantaged women.
• In the time of Jesus, many people were getting divorced and remarried – similar to today.
• Jesus started speaking against divorce, saying it was wrong.
• Matthew 5: 31-32
• Jesus’ words were strong and would have been very controversial.
• He said anyone who divorces and remarries commits adultery, with one exception:
• Marital Unfaithfulness… the word used is not the word for adultery.
• It is the Greek “Pornea” for “any type of sexual immorality”.
• That is any sex outside of marriage: fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, incest.
• Jesus changed the law to grace.
• Why does it say “he becomes an adulterer”? Because God doesn’t recognise divorce.
• In God’s eyes, a person is always married to a person until they die.
• If a person gets a divorce, in God’s eyes they are still married to the original person.
Pharisees
• Pharisees were experts in the law.
• Matthew 19: 3-6
• Jesus went back to Genesis, back to God’s original plan for marriage.
• God created male and female… When they consummate their marriage with sex, they are
permanently bound together in the sight of God.
• Matthew 19: 6
• Jesus says it is God who joins a husband and wife together and man/judge/state/law cannot
separate them.
• Matthew 19: 7-9
• Under the law, divorce was permitted because of people’s hard hearts.
• But under grace, in the Kingdom, for Christians, divorce is not allowed.
• The implication is: when people have the Holy Spirit living in them, they have the power to have
great marriages and to need to get a divorce.
• Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery.
• The only ONE exception is pornea – sexual immorality.
The Evil of Adultery
• In the Old Testament, adultery was such a terrible sin you were stoned to death.
• In the New Testament, Jesus is saying that adultery or any form of sexual immorality is so serious, it
is a justification for divorce.
• One of the most common forms of divorce is adultery.
• Adultery is completely evil and one of the worst sins you can possibly commit
• Adultery is always wrong… there are no Biblical reasons to justify adultery.
• If you are currently committing adultery, STOP!!
• 1 Corinthians 6: 9
• People in adulterous relationships are completely deceived…
• They suddenly don’t care about what the Bible says, the consequences, the effect on their
children…
• Adultery is extremely selfish and the most devastating thing. • It is horrifying to see Christian people encourage their friends to leave their spouse and commit
adultery.
• There is NEVER any justification for adultery.
• The Bible is very clear: a person who commits adultery is not permitted to remarry.
• They must either repent and restore their marriage, or they are to remain unmarried.
• The innocent spouse is permitted to divorce and remarry, however they don’t have to divorce the
adulterer.
• The best scenario is if they can forgive their spouse and restore the marriage.
• If the person is repentant, it is a great thing to forgive.
• My opinion: Divorce is fitting for situations where a person is a serial adulterer, has left the other
spouse and doesn’t intend to come back.
• Anything you do should be done with prayer and wisdom from Godly leaders.
• All this was very controversial in Jesus time, as it is now.
• Matthew 19: 10-12
God’s View of Marriage
• Jesus is teaching them about God’s view of marriage.
• Marriage is something God does more than a couple do, where God joins a couple together
permanently.
• Marriage is not just an agreement between a man and woman, but an irreversible covenant
between a man, a woman and God.
• Malachi 2: 14… tells us that marriage is a covenant.
• Malachi 2: 16… tells us that God hates divorce.
• The only thing that can break a marriage covenant is death!
• The only exception is sexual immorality.
Marriage and the Church
• In Ephesians 5, Paul explains that marriage is a metaphor for the relationship between Jesus and
the church.
• Ephesians 5: 30-32
• We Christians are united to Jesus like a wife to her husband – we are the Bride of Christ!
• Marriage is a sign to the world of the relationship between Jesus to His church.
• God has created FAITHFUL MARRIAGE to be a sign of Jesus and the Church!!
Two Types of Divorce
• One type of divorce is where at least one spouse is behaving in an evil way (adultery, violence,
sexual abuse, or other evil behaviour).
• But many people are just bored or frustrated.
• Many say they are just “not happy”, “lost their feelings”, “don’t love their spouse anymore.”
• AGAPE = Unconditional love / action not a feeling.
• If you have changed feelings, they are not Biblical grounds for a divorce.
• It isn’t “God wants me to be happy” but that he wants you to be obedient.
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“The grass is the greenest on the side you water the most”.
Most divorce is because couples have built up an enormous amount of unforgiveness.
They’ve not been able to deal with conflict and had a lot of fighting and arguing.
The answer is not divorce, but to get some helping learning to deal with conflict.
Divorce is an extremely serious thing -not an option for those who have just changed their minds.
Sometimes the only thing that stops a marriage from being restored is that ONE person is not willing
to forgive.
Legalism
• There is a lot of confusion about this subject of divorce.
• People say “there are lots of contradictions in the Bible” or “different pastors have different opinions”
but the Bible is extremely clear.
• Remember: these are the words of Jesus.
• Remember: the commands of Jesus were commands of LOVE… for our benefit.
• Every word that Jesus uttered was grace…. We can never accuse Jesus of preaching legalism…
that’s a terrible heresy!!
Paul on Divorce
• The great book on grace is in the book of Romans.
• Romans 7: 2–3
• This is the same doctrine as Jesus, just not mentioning the exception of sexual immorality.
• 1 Corinthians 7: 39 People who are widowed are free to marry again.
• If there is physical or sexual abuse or you are in danger -move out.
• If you are married to a non Christian, you must stay with them.
• 1 Corinthians 7:14–15
Recap: Jesus and Paul
• Couples must not divorce and remarry while their spouse is alive.
• Jesus gives an exception of sexual Immorality.
• Paul says a believer must stay married to a non believer.
• If the non believer wants to leave… the believer is not bound to them.
The Good News!
• In the real world marriages do break up.
• No one wants a horrible marriage and no one wants a horrible divorce.
• In some cases there is a guilty party and an innocent party.
• God’s heart and compassion are close to those who are grieving.
• God is a God of forgiveness and healing, He wants to restore and give us joy in our lives.
• Divorce is not an unforgiveable sin
• God will forgive us for divorce, if we confess our sin to Him and repent of doing the wrong thing.
• If we have divorced, we can still go on and have peace with God
• We do not have to divorce a spouse who commits adultery.
• If the person is repentant and committed to living a new way, it is a wonderful act of grace to forgive
the spouse and restore the marriage.
• Ultimately the best thing is for a person to restore the marriage rather than to separate… especially
if there are children.
• Your best option is to make this marriage work.
• Especially with children, you cannot break free from your spouse. You are connected to that person
for the rest of your life.
Considering Divorce?
• Don’t do it. Unless your spouse has left you and is a serial adulterer, try to work it out.
• Many people who have divorced say, “Looking back I regret getting a divorce… I should have
worked harder. We could have made things work.”
• Get some counselling, get help.
• If you are considering divorce and you have not told anyone or not sought counselling, you are
doing the wrong thing!
• The VERY best thing for children (unless they are being abused) is to be with their own mum and
dad.
• A divorce should only be considered as the very last resort, when everything else has been
exhausted and everything else tried.
• If you have separated from your spouse for Biblical reasons, you should wait till you are divorced to
start dating again.
• If you have committed adultery, you should remain unmarried.
• Friends of a person contemplating divorce: DO NOT ENCOURAGE A PERSON TO DIVORCE.
• It is a terrible sin, you are judging and condemning the other person.
Already Remarried?
• The Bible makes no comment about those who have already remarried.
• Should they divorce? Go back to first spouse?
• John Piper’s opinion to those who have already remarried is: “Should acknowledge that the choice
to remarry and the act of entering a second marriage was sin, and confess it as such and seek
forgiveness. Should not attempt to return to the first partner after entering a second union. Should
not separate and live as single people thinking that this would result in less sin because all their
sexual relations are acts of adultery. The Bible does not give prescriptions for this particular case,
but it does treat second marriages as having significant standing in God’s eyes. That is, there were
promises made and there has been a union formed. It should not have been formed, but it was. It is
not to be taken lightly. Promises are to be kept, and the union is to be sanctified to God. While not
the ideal state, staying in a second marriage is God’s will for a couple and their ongoing relations
should not be looked on as adulterous.”
Book recommendations:
• “God is a Matchmaker” by Derek and Ruth Prince
• “Marriage Covenant” by Derek Prince
• “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller
UP, IN and OUT Questions
UP — What part of this message do you relate to/struggle with in your life?
IN — Do we encourage people to seek divorce?
OUT — What implications does this have for us as we live out being salt and light?