Jerry Stumpf
Husband to Hero
in
10 Easy Steps
Here Are 10 weeks Of Easy Action Steps
To A More Passionate Marriage
10 Action Steps Self-Paced Over 10 Weeks
Table of contents
Introduction to the course ……………………………………………………….
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Week 1 - Evaluation - your wife's best physical qualities .…………………………
6
Week 2 - New habits & individual noteworthy actions .……………………………..
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Week 3 - Promote your spouse .………………………….…………………………..
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Week 4 - Small gestures which build big bridges ..………………………….………
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Week 5 - Evaluation - and your wife's best internal qualities..…...……..…………
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Week 6 - Conflict resolution techniques .…………………………………………….
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Week 7 - Dates With Your Sweetie - Emotional Connectedness .………………..
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Week 8 - A Special Sexual Spice For Her .…………………………………………
(More preparation required so plan appropriately)
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Week 9 - Tie the communication knot stronger .……………………………………
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Week 10 - Evaluate your marriage relationship a bit more .……………………..
26
Special Free Bonuses 1, 2 & 3 ………………………….…....……………………..
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Copyright © 2015 Author - Jerry Stumpf
All Rights Reserved.
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Hey, it’s Jerry Stumpf here and I‘d like to take a few seconds to share with you what you’ll
find in this course about enhancing your marriage relationship over the next 10 weeks.
The steps are divided into action guides that will
strengthen your wife’s view of you as her husband.
The reason you should use each week’s steps in order
is they build upon each other. Therefore, when you
apply each specific guideline, you capture a bit more of
her heart.
After a little while your bride will realize that you are
up to something wonderful with her pleasure in mind.
You will discover new aspects of your wife which have been hidden from your sight.
Take the time to read through the course briefly to get an idea of where you are headed.
Track your personal steps and enjoy the journey.
Have FUN! This is an intimacy building process specifically designed to make you a hero of
legendary stature in your wife’s eyes!
If at any point along the way you need some clarification or additional help, I am as close as
your email. Shoot me your questions or comments at pepupyourmarriage@hotmail.com
Husband to Hero
in
10 Easy Steps
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Please read the introduction
First, before you unpack
the contents of the course!
I am so glad you are using this e-book to help make your marriage the very best it can become. It
took me over ten years of focused study to learn how to become aware of my wife’s thought patterns
and emotional differences. I wish someone had made a course like this one to give me a “kick start”.
For me it was a wandering journey through a lot of books, courses and discussions with married
couples to determine why these women and also why my wife behaved as she did. With these
couples, I asked pointed questions to the women to gain their insights as I was learning about my
wife.
When I wrote this course, which comes another thirty years after I started my initial process.
I wrote this course for four purposes to help you reduce your learning curve with your wife:
1 - To help you as a husband discover in a more comfortable fashion how this
wonderful woman, feels or why she reacts to certain situations as she does.
2 - To be more prepared to handle the emotional rollercoaster through your future life
changes with your wife.
3 - So you can collapse the time frames for studying this marvelous creation with
whom you share your life.
4 - To appreciate your wife every day and fully enjoy the journey and HAVE FUN!
Husbands, this eBook is designed to enhance your romantic experience by helping you be better
equipped to know what your wife wants. We all need some help and encouragement once in a while.
Think about it for a moment. Anyone who wants to excel at a sport or take their skills to a new level
will hire a personal coach. Well, I’m going to be your coach for these 10 weeks.
Our approach is like that of Vince Lombardi, coach of the Green Bay Packers, when at a spring
training many years ago, he said, “Men we’re going to get back to the basics.” Holding up a football,
he added, “This is a football!” Men, we’re going to talk about going back to the beginning to work on
the basics!
For you as a husband, think about that woman that you’ve committed sharing your life with: that’s
your bride. She has also dedicated her life exclusively to you - her husband.
No matter how bright you shine in your woman’s mind, you can accelerate those feelings many
times over!
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This short course is designed to help you draw nearer to her. We’re going to start at the basics of
who she is to you and work towards a greater intimacy with your wife so you each know what the
other person is saying in every conversation you have together.
So let’s start slow and work our way up to fully creating an affectionate environment that will help
your wife get all warm and fuzzy inside. This course is designed to tune into her inner heartbeat.
What is it she wants and needs from you to become the best wife possible? You’ll learn step by step
how to find those “hot buttons” that get her to see you in a new and glowing fashion. You’ll know
what she’s thinking before she does, since you’re going to become in harmony with her needs.
Dream with me a
few minutes
Imagine what it would be like if you were the best husband you could be.

How does that feel to you?

How would it feel to have your wife look at you with those bedroom eyes more often?

You want to enjoy more sex with her, so this course will help you without being manipulative
or inconsiderate.
OK, so let me walk you through the overall big picture and then share how this course functions
week by week. It’s designed to turn up the intimate heat and actually reach her inner core so your
bride appreciates you even more. I’m going to be your personal coach along the way without getting
in your way. You’ll personalize it to fit your own routine, and I’m here to coach you as needed.
If you would like to adapt this course to your specific marriage, I need some honest feedback. Just
like a sports coach would determine some of your strengths and weaknesses in early practices to
help design a program suited for you, I want to adjust this information to meet your individual needs.
So, if there’s some area of your marriage you need extra help with, shoot me an email at
pepupyourmarriage@hotmail.com which is an email for us to communicate together. If you have
a special email to send, please use that address, and of course, I’ll keep it confidential. Just use the
subject line, “Husband to Hero”.
Be the one person in your wife’s life she will always depend on. If you tell her you’ll do something,
get it done before she has to remind you. That’s just the coach in me coming out I guess.
So let’s unpack the Husband To Hero In 10 Easy Steps kit and let's get started creating a
wonderful interactive experience for your bride. Sound good to you?
First let me acquaint you with two symbols you’ll see in each chapter:
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This lightning bolt will alert you that we’re covering the main practical point of the week’s
assignments.
The heart symbol alerts you to the specific assignments for the week. This difference will
become clearer as you look through the manual.
Here are a few of my quotes about romance to help you get started on your 10-week journey:
Wholesome romance is not to drive your wife towards the bedroom.
Rather, it is to draw her towards to your heart.
Romance is a lifetime series of activities
where one spouse lavishes the other
with reminders of their love and devotion
Romance in its most practical form
is doing small acts of kindness
for another person.
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Week 1 –
Evaluation – Take Stock of Your Wife’s Best Physical Qualities
You & I are going to use this week to identify as many constructive qualities as possible of your wife.
You’ll notice that each month starts with a review of where you’ve been and where you’re going during this month.
Of course, if you need some help, just shoot me an email. If necessary, we can spend fifteen to
twenty minutes on Google hangout, and I’ll help you one-on-one. Hey, I’m your coach, and that’s
what a coach is for, right? I’ll never embarrass you nor invade your privacy. My help is to get some
more creative juices flowing in your marriage
So this week is all about the opposing team (well, the target of your affection anyway!). We’re going
to uncover every last one of her best qualities this week. As you work through this exercise, I want
you to think about what makes her so darned cute to you! So let me give you an assignment with
some questions to help you look at her in a different light. This will set the stage for the entire game
plan we’re going to build upon, so take your time this week, and do your homework (wife-work) well.
Be sure you keep a special place on your phone to store these gems, as they’re too precious to lose.
You’ll see how they come in to play as the weeks progress.
Work through these for the entire week and not simply at one time. This week you’re going to create
a list of your wife’s greatest qualities. So if you have the place to make your list all set, let’s get to the
first week.
Take a few days, maybe three or four, to create your initial list, and then use the remaining days to
implement these first concepts you have identified in your wife.
You’ll find out how to put these qualities into practice by the
throughout the program:
1) You’re going to want to do this anyhow, so let’s get it out of the way up front. What are the
best physical assets you appreciate about your wife? What really turns you on about her?
If you had to describe three parts of her body that really make you go wild, describe those
marvelous parts in flowing detail here.
I know a couple of ideas must come to your mind right away. We always find a particular aspect of our wife inviting, but think about her female parts some more. Are there some parts of
her you enjoy that you could put second or third or fourth on your list?
From a different viewpoint, what individual parts of her body do you think she values the
most? Why do you think she likes these parts of her own body?
2) As specifically as possible, what do you like about her smile? Does her whole face light up?
Does she use her lips in a cute fashion? Just what is it about her smile you think is so
adorable? Is there a specific lipstick color you really appreciate? Does she create a certain
impression when she wears lipstick? Maybe you prefer her to not wear any at all? If so, note
that on your list.
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3) What is it about her eyes that you find striking? What makes her eyes sparkle? When you
see that fresh glow in there, how would you describe it? Think of describing it to someone
who’d never met her. Write that thought down on your list.
4) This point will be longer since it’s about her overall body self-image. If she seems to make a
lot of negative comments about her body in general or some specific part, please take note
of those words. They’re a warning sign for you. She’s telling you that she highly dislikes
“THAT” part of her body. Most women have at least one area they wish was different.
By the way, it doesn’t matter if you think her hips are her most attractive physical feature. If in her
mind she feels “fat,” especially on her hips, she feels fat! That’s her reality.
You can help your bride learn to see her body through your eyes over time with the slight nudges you
will learn in this course. It’ll take up to forty positive comments about her hips (if that’s her specific
problem area) to wipe away one negative comment she thinks about her hips.
It might be her breasts that she dislikes. Even if you happen to be a “breast man” and simply drool
whenever you see her in her bra or naked, it’ll take a lot of tender loving comments to change her
mind. It’ll also take years of continual constructive comments to get her to believe you’re telling her
the truth about her body. I know one of the reasons you married her is because you like her body,
but she may not see it that way.
I can tell you it took more than ten years for me to affirm a specific part of my wife’s body before she
believed it turned me on by seeing her. I told her often, even when we weren’t heading towards the
bedroom, how much I like her body. When she had children and her body didn’t cooperate, I really
needed to turn up the constructive comments.
Body image to our wives is so powerful it takes a lot of determined constructive comments to get
them to understand that we really do enjoy their body. So go on a fun quest to find out as much as
you can just how she feels about specific parts of her body.
WARNING! Don’t ever compare your wife to any other woman in any way. Even if you were to
say to her, “Wow you look a lot better than XX over there.” In her mind, she’s already started
wondering who else you compare her to, even if you don’t speak those thoughts out loud. She’s
thinking, “And which women does he think look better than me?”
If she asks you, think before you answer. Then honestly give a response that compliments your
wife. And be on high alert that she’s sensitive in that area. Heap on the praise about a particular
body part or her body in general. You’ll find even more practical methods to heap on the
compliments next week.
 Let me give you a bonus thought right here about how women think about their body. But
first let me ask you a question first: “How often does sex in any form enter your mind?” Many
experts say men think about sex every seven minutes. So what occupies a woman’s mind
that often?
The answer may surprise you!
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 Answer – her body image.
Women stress out about their clothes, their shoes, their hair, and of course, their makeup, as often
during the day as most men think about sex, and that’s a lot. Guys don’t realize how much their
wife frets about how she looks unless you’re a wise husband and take special note.
For fun, one day when you two are together, try this. Every time you see your wife look in the
mirror or into a store window and make some comment about her appearance or even ask your
opinion about her outfit that day, pay attention. Log this information in your phone, of how often
she does this and try not to mention anything to her about what you’re doing. Of course, you
shouldn’t make a huge point of this to her. It’s your own homework.
So I hope you have a good list of which parts of her body she thinks needs a new alignment in
some way.
At the end of week one, you should have at least four parts to your list:
1) What parts of her body really turn you on? I went easy to start with!
2) What are four or five things you like about her smile?
3) In what ways are her eyes captivating?
4) Is there some body part (s) that she wishes were different? What are they, and how will
you change her perspective over the next few years?
So enjoy the hunt, and have a blast with this. Mark down all the wonderful details of your wife’s body
you can that you hadn’t discovered before. All through your marriage, there will be components of
your wife that will surface, so appreciate her special traits as they come to light.
In week 2, you’ll begin positioning these gems to make great use of them.
As a side note, email the ongoing list
to yourself every so often so they’re
stored in cyberspace
A special reminder: Be sure you look at the necessary arrangements
for week # 8 and plan ahead!
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Week 2 – New Habits & Individual Actions to Create Big Improvements
Note: Please read through this week’s assignments before taking any action, as part of the actions
will begin today.
During this second week, you’ll create new habits to persistently show your love for her by making
positive remarks about her body. Again the purpose isn’t to refer to her body in a sexual fashion as
some “piece of meat.” She may have a poor image of her body, and sexual references make you
appear in a negative light. Keep these remarks light yet frequent.

First, let’s take a short inventory of last week:
 How did your planning go last week? Have you formed the list and formulated some new
thoughts about how to bring greater warmth and excitement into your mind about your bride?
 You should have a good list from the # 1 assignment about her body. Refer to that list as you
look through this week’s assignments.
 These ten weeks should be looked at as an adventure to delve into the depths of your wife’s
heart.
 You’re discovering ways to encourage an active love and devotion for her. Be sure you save
these activities on your list.

Think incremental actions rather than trying to get everything done all at once.
So with last week’s ideas in mind, you will put some of your wife’s characteristics into your work this
week. Some ideas might require several weeks to plan out and implement. Not to worry, as you
have nine more weeks to plug a few of these personal suggestions into your relationship across
several weeks.
Short positive thoughts from your heart to hers can have a gradual yet profound effect. Think: water
wearing a path in a rock.
So go back to the part from last week’s reminders
starting on page 6 with:
1) her body parts and
2) her smile, etc. and look over that four-pronged approach to her physical assets
(page 8) in your mind. This week you’re going to start planting some very nice
compliments on your wife to hint at what you really like about her.
Every woman is different when it comes to accepting compliments. If your bride is ultra sensitive
about some body part you especially like, it’s going to involve using this incremental actions
technique over several weeks, to allow her to understand your honest appreciation for her body.
 Again I want to send a clear warning that you aren’t complimenting her to “get in her pants.”
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These must be sincere, non-sexual compliments that are directed to have a positive effect on her
heart. Your desire is to retrain her thinking, at least insofar as it comes to how she thinks you see
her.
Your eyes feast on her because she’s your wife, not your sex object. This may sound a bit strong.
However, some guys only see their wife as someone they share a bed with for sex, rather than a
precious person with whom they share their whole life.
OK, so what do you do with the information you compiled last week? Let me give a few quick
suggestions to activate this entire week.
Take a few of the qualities you found last week about your wife, and begin to briefly
compliment your wife about each one on different days. She might resist your words at first.
Keep a steady flow of compliments going. You may have to refer back to your notes, and be
sure you add to the list whenever a new thought about her comes to mind.
Go through your list, and find two gems that you can include in a note to her today. Make it
one of those little sticky notes. Keep the note brief and compliment her.
Your second assignment for this week is to tell her one time each day, for all seven days,
about one particular part of her clothing selection. Perhaps something like, “I really enjoy it
when you wear that skirt. It looks nice on you!” or “Those shoes really match that outfit.”
It may sound a bit uncomfortable at first, but evaluate her reaction when you give her a
sincere compliment about her attire. Keep in mind that your wife is as concerned about her
looks as you’re about how well you perform in bed with your wife. What if she said to you,
“Wow you really were a stud tonight!” Come on, you know if your wife said something like
that to you, your chest would be out a bit more. So give her seven sincere compliments
about her clothing, one per day, and she’ll be glad she married you.
Then find three ways to say something nice about an obvious body part she’s ashamed of, or
at least she doesn’t like. If she’s commented before that her butt is too big, find a creative
way to speak kindly about her nice bum.
Of course, whichever body part you identified from last week that she has a negative image
about, is the one you want to speak thoughtful words about repeatedly, to build up her
self-image there.
Some women are under or over endowed in the chest area and continually compare themselves
to other women with the opposite size chest as hers. Don’t go down that path of comparison, but
find a way to hoot or holler about her chest in a comfortable and complimentary fashion in
private with her. She’s the closest person in your life. You’ve seen her naked often, so it’s OK
for you to delicately offer some genuine words of affirmation about her body parts. Again, watch
her reaction to your praise.
As you work with these lists, you’ll see how to build upon what you believe are her best qualities.
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Week 3 –
How to Promote Your Spouse to the World Around You
This week is determine her greatest personal or character assets. This week is about creating a
list that sets her apart from every other person. Establish in your mind ten separate qualities that
you’ll repeatedly tell to those who also love your wife. This week, other people will find out many of
her hidden qualities and appreciate her inner beauty as revealed by her husband!.
So let’s dig a bit and find out what makes your wife so wonderfully special to you.
Here are the questions to generate your list for this week. As with every other week, keep
enlarging the list even beyond the ten best qualities you find in her. So do your homework (wifework) and have fun telling the world what a great choice you made!
Start at the beginning, even before you two became one. List out five reasons you married
that girl? Try to think personality rather than physical traits, though there may be some
physical traits you thought were so endearing about her you simply must list them here.
Also be specific in your description this week. Try to not just say, “she’s funny.” Try to be as
precise as possible by stating a quality that goes along with her general asset. In addition,
say, “she’s fun to be with” or “she tells the best jokes” or “she has a great laugh” or.… So list
at least five qualities about your wife that you found captivating that drew you to her.
What personal characteristics did you find downright mesmerizing about her when you first
met (which might be different than those you listed under “Start at the beginning” two
paragraphs above)? Mention a few thoughts that you remember thinking back then, such as,
“I have to get to know this girl more and see why she…” Do you know what charmed you
during your dating? Put those down on your list. Is there some beautiful quirk about her that
drew you to her?
If you were describing your wife to someone who doesn’t know her, what are the three or
four most endearing qualities you’d tell the person? Why do you find her so precious? List
out another one of her greatest personality traits that few people know about. Perhaps
people think she’s shy, but around you, she talks a lot. Or when you two are alone, she
shows her interest in sports, which she may not discuss with her friends that much.
Try to tell a few people what you discovered in week 1 about her smile. What is it about her
smile you particularly like? Share that knowledge with the world. There’s pure “magic” in
sharing these insights with friends or relatives.
v
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Week 4 – Small Gestures That Build Big Bridges
This week is devoted to creating short notes that invite intrigue within your wife.
First, take a short inventory from the prior 3 weeks:
a. How are your lists coming along? There should be at least 3 inventories of enjoyable points
about your bride among these files.
b. You should have at least these sections:
1) Physical assets you appreciate about your wife
2) Personal characteristics
3) What did I learn from other people about my wife?
Here in week 4, we’ll mingle all your ideas into short bursts of attention indicators.
What I mean by attention indicators is doing quick, warm hints to slightly prick her attention. She
might be getting an idea that you’re up to something and she is most likely a bit curious. If you have
followed my advice she is feeling a slight indication of your romantic activities. Women have a super
sensitive radar system. The trouble with that radar is sometimes it goes off but the signal is not clear
enough to tell precisely what is setting it off
This will build throughout the entire 10 weeks. Focus on creating a great marriage crafted from your
vantage point.
So here are your action steps for week 4:
Based upon your three lists mentioned in “b” above, create 7 sweet notes and number them
“1 of 7,” “2 of 7,” etc. Place these numbers in the same place on each note.
Begin to place your notes around the house, in her briefcase for work, in her car, in her
makeup bag ...
Try to place the notes in such a fashion that she might find note 4 before she finds note 2, or
even 7 before she finds numbers 3, 5, and 6. This makes it a game for her to find all 7 notes.
If you come up with more than 7 notes, adjust your numbers accordingly. You should have
no problem creating at least 7 notes. However, the more, the merrier she’ll be.

Hide at least two of the notes where she has to really search for them.
It’s perfectly fine to make a couple of these notes flowery and perhaps use your drawing
skills to add hearts, smiley faces, or other details you know she’ll find humor in. Keep the
mood light and add a bit of intrigue.
The first time I did this for my wife, she didn’t find the last note until a week later! It kept the pleasure
ongoing for us both. So for you and your wife, have fun, and be creative!
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Week 5 –
Evaluation: Take Stock of Your Wife’s Best Internal Qualities and Look
for What Is Working and What Needs Tweaking over the previous weeks
Note: Please read through this week’s assignments before taking any action.
Note that the purpose of this week is to find those special personality nuggets that define your wife
as a unique person. These should be a bit different than those Personal Characteristic Traits from
week 3.
This week is building toward some delicious work as you create certain specific hints for week 8.
Together you and I will craft subtle questions which reach into her mind and draw out some hidden
gems for your mutual pleasure.
As you look back all the way to week 3, think about what you have noticed, over the time
you’ve been married to your wonderful lady, about her personality that perhaps few people
other than you might notice?
To help uncover these unique qualities about your bride, let me give a few examples from
our marriage.
What drew me to my wife initially: her smile, her curly hair, her body type, her height - that she’s
shorter than me and her laugh.
What have I learned about her inner qualities since that early summary: she politely draws
people to her and warmly invites them to become her friend after just a few minutes of
speaking with her. When people visit our home, in a short amount of time, Elaine helps people
feel “at home” with us. Elaine has a subtle wisdom that causes people to seek her out for her
thoughtful advice.
Do you see the difference? The second list is much more about her inner qualities and reveals
something other folks may not have noticed. So now, what about your bride? You have some of
her qualities written down already. Let’s add some more that are more endearing which de
scribe her inner beauty.
Compare and then contrast, one by one, the special qualities that make your life-partner
distinctive.
1) What is appealing to you about how she interacts with folks?
2) Is there some magnetic quality about her that makes you to just want to hug her?
3) What are some of the best attributes in her family members that she brings out?
4) If you made a journal of her greatest personality traits, what would be in that journal?
Now you have your list. How do you use it this week? On the next page will show you how to
apply your list for you.
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Here are a few suggestions for you to apply these qualities for your wife this week.
1) Make a list of four of her physical body and inner personality qualities from weeks 1 & 3.
However, you want to divide them is fine. This is a sheet you make on a word
processer, and it’ll be printed out and hung up. ( But don’t print your sheet just yet!)
2) Now add a few of the qualities from this week onto your list.
3) Make a catchy or warm title as a heading such as (try to come up with your own):
“Reasons I love (insert your wife’s name)” or “What I find so darned adorable about
(insert your wife’s name).”
4) Place a few blank lines at the bottom of the page under the last typed sentence. These
lines are to fill in more about her over the next several weeks as you think of new
personal qualities to shine a light upon about her. (She will look at the list to see if you
have added onto the list!)
5) Go online to find some hearts, smiley faces, or other objects that will make her smile.
For instance, if she enjoys tea, find a steaming cup and post it around the border. Just
something to make this really personal.
6) When your “masterpiece” is ready to your liking, print it and hang it on your refrigerator
or in some prominent place she’s sure to easily notice. When she asks what the other
lines are for, just tell her to keep coming back to find out!
Have fun! Enjoy the days as you create a more meaningful marriage.
This picture is one I found online and used in one of
my “flyer’s” to my wife; to illustrate what you can do:
It appears on numerous sites online
with no author assigned to it
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Week 6 –
Conflict Resolution Techniques –
Extinguish the Flame Before It Ignites the Bomb
Amid the romantic bliss you’re creating, there still might arise a little bit of disagreement.
Somewhere in your marriage, you likely have some conflicts, so how do you two handle those
intimate irritants that just dredge up your anger?
It’s strange how quickly our spouse can touch our buttons and really get us aggravated.
We don’t want to feel out of control, but how do we keep calm when we really want to bite her head
off!
Last week you posted your list about how wonderful she is, and this week we’re focusing on conflict
resolution – how to stop arguing so much, or even eliminate it all together. Yes, that’s what we’re
talking about.
Apply one or more of these techniques to eliminate angry outbursts or to throw cold water onto
the heat under your collar:
Let these thoughts really sink in for a moment as you consider your marriage. Here are some
effective anger-management ideas that have helped many couples gain control of their
heated disagreements.
Anger is a symptom, not the problem. So what’s causing the anger?
Angry outbursts and shouting creates more heat than light.
Bottled up or repressed feelings are like plugging up a steam vent or boiler… sooner or later
KABOOOOOM!!
So how do we effectively learn to “vent” our frustrations and encourage our partner’s emotional
health?
Here are some beneficial methods many couples have applied with great success:
1) Don’t use the silent treatment to avoid a quarrel.
2) Be sure you know what the real problem is that’s being thrown around and then stay on
that subject. Are you working to resolve one issue, or are you bringing up old problem
that create confusion?
3) Learn to politely share your true feelings, not some heated leftovers from earlier
discussions.
4) Choose the time and place for a heated disagreement. Be aware that some discussions
should be tabled. Some discussions should be talked over behind closed doors
between you two alone.
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5) Handle the problem, and don’t attack your wife.
6) Use personal pronouns such as “I” rather than “you” so you’re presenting your side and
not seeming to be on the assault.
7) Whenever you criticize, offer a solution along with it. For example, say, “OK, so here’s
what I see as the problem. How about if I were to...?”
8) Avoid using “dynamite words” such as always, or never.... Generalizations also
contributes to this syndrome, such as “all women...” or “every man....”
9) Vain humor or sarcasm (“So I suppose it’s ALL MY fault ...”) is a bad way to try and
manipulate your spouse. Remember the old adage, “Many a truth is said in jest.”
10) Remain humble. You might just be wrong! It may be hard to say, but it’s very powerful
If you can honestly admit, “You know, I might have been wrong, and I think you’re right.”
In the Bible, James gives us some sound advice for good communication: “let everyone be quick to
hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
It’s tough to apply these ideas to every situation since we too often let our mouth start moving
before we’ve gotten our mind in gear.
Perhaps even copy, paste, and print these out so that, the next time you get into a bit of a
spat with your bride, you can quickly see where you are and calmly solve the issue.
Even the act of getting out this list may calm the situation emotionally enough to work through
your disagreement.
So here you have some practical suggestions to stay flexible as you release anger and resolve conflicts, while also maintaining respect for each other.
Next week we’ll get back to building your relationship through your constructive efforts.
Special note:
If you haven’t looked at the upcoming weeks, please visit week # 8, as there’s
some extra planning to be done prior to that week!
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Week 7 – Dates for Your Sweetie – Think Emotional Connectedness and
Not Necessarily “Type of Date”
Note: These dates can be cost-effective. If you travel to a certain destination, this will add to the
cost of your date. In the book Cracking The Marriage Code chapter seven, there are several
types of dates that are both cheap and pricey, yet they can all be a lot of fun!
If you don’t have a copy of the book, send me an email at
pepupyoumarrriage@hotmail.com and request information to find the book.
Let’s talk quickly about the purpose of marriage dating. I’m sure you had specific reasons for your
pre-marriage dating, right? Well think back a bit to your dates once you knew this lady was special
and you wanted to spend all of your free time with her.
Even if you didn’t then see her as “your wife” when you first started serious dating, you did reach a
point when she was THE person you wanted to be with and no other woman held your interest.
So I hope you have that emotional and physical connection etched in your mind.
For me, it didn’t take very long before Elaine was the only one I wanted to spend my time with. We
were at college together, and so our dates had to be cheap as well as creative!
I want to give you a few financial alternatives, but most of them will be inexpensive, since the
purpose for this week is the quality of time you two are together rather than the date itself.
For this week, think, “time invested and intimate experiences,” rather than type of date.
The reason for this course is to draw you two closer together. I’m working on posts on my blog at
www.JerryStumpf.com/blog and other home study materials that will give you even more creative
dating ideas.
For now, let me assemble a list for you to pick from over the next couple of months to enjoy with
your bride. Notice that they’re listed under a few general subjects. These ideas are similar to
creating a great meal from the basic ingredients. You have to add your own spices to flavor
them however you want to your personal tastes.
Create dates from your wife’s hobbies:
What does she enjoy doing in her spare time? Scrapbooking, quilting, photography, sewing,
or some other creative hands-on projects? Make a list of what she enjoys doing, and I
investigate some area shows or fairs that highlight her special interests.
Build special date similar to her hobbies:
You can interlink ideas that might not be exactly what she enjoys but that might be of interest
to your bride. She may enjoy sewing, but at many of the local fairs, women have all sorts of
crafts on display. You two can mingle and talk while looking at these items.
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You can build dates around mutual interests:
We enjoy camping in our RV trailer. While we aren’t looking to purchase another trailer, it’s
fun to go see what the latest and greatest gadgets are on these new models. We enjoy
strolling around and looking at the new stuff they show off at the shows. You can spend a
relaxing afternoon looking through open houses in your neighborhoods.
So what do you enjoy doing together that it has been a while since you did some extra
dreaming or discussing “what it would be like if …” “We used to enjoy …. and it has been a
while since we did that.”
We will talk about sports below, but at local colleges and high schools there are plays,
concerts, and festivals that provide a lot of different dating opportunities
Remember the high school sports? Why not support your local school team even if it
is in a new section of the country?
Junior college or high school athletic events are sometimes inexpensive and fun
experiences.
Support your local professional sports teams. Minor league baseball is a very cost
effective evening of entertainment.
You can join a league - bowling, tennis, golf or other indoor teams. Random ideas can
include: putt putt golf, hiking, picnics,
So your task this week is to construct as many different types of dates that fit your mutual
interests and economic boundaries. Use whatever topical structure fits your marriage.
Just be sure you invest at minimum, two nights a month to be with your bride. Our norm is that
each week we have a date night. Sometimes it is very cheap - a cup of coffee each and other times
we have dinner at a local restaurant. Whatever your budget can handle along with what is of
common interest for you, plan some time each week to be together.
Here are a few quick cautions to speak to your wife’s heart:
1) Unless it is an emergency, turn off your cell phone on the date. Focus your attention on
your bride. Show her that she is very precious to you.
2) Have a few thought out questions to talk through or a subject you want to discuss. It is
always appropriate to ask her how her week went or what is bugging her and just let
her share with you what’s on her mind. Women usually bond through talking.
3) If you can re-create some of your pre-marriage fun dates, by all means do so.
I am encouraging you to take the lead on these dates and make some specific plans for you two.
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Week 8 –
A Memorable, Special Sexual Interlude For Her
(This will take a bit more preparation than other weeks, so plan appropriately)
Sex Should Always Be Something You’re Doing with Her, Not to Her
Sexual Pleasure is not a Race; It is a Delightful Destination
It feels wonderful to create a gift of real value and have the other person fully appreciate your
generosity. This week the present of physical pleasure is how you’re blessing your wife.
Because sex is such a male-focused experience, she won’t see this coming, namely something
that’s exclusively for her. You’re taking her on a magical one-night (or even a few nights’ if you
choose) experience that she’ll treasure for years to come. Perhaps it can become a wondrous habit
for her every few months to be entirely bathed in exhaustive physical pleasure.
This week is all about her. You’ll focus on some specific aspects of your sexual life and intensify the
sexual activities all this week. It’ll be a crescendo of joy for her. You’ll build it gradually and tantalize
her senses for several days leading up to the special night just for her.
You’ll have to find out some things about her, but this week is about the buildup of that specific time
dedicated to her pleasure. Depending on your physical needs, you might let her know that the other
times in the week will be just like other weeks in your marriage as to frequency and technique.
However, this one night is going to be very special and just for her pleasure. You’ll have to decide
the particulars as to technique and how to finish her gourmet meal of sexual pleasure. Some women
actually enjoy the intimate connection with their husband and not the orgasm itself, so your wife may
enjoy the buildup and intense intimate play and not have to orgasm. Don’t get discouraged here.
This is about her and not your expectations of her pleasure. That may seem extremely bizarre to
you. I know men look at the climax as the ultimate goal for sexual fulfillment.
So evaluate these questions and give some sort of answer for each one:
 Have you, in your marriage, ever spent the entire night just focused on her pleasure? I
mean really seeking to give her a physical gift unlike any other she’s experienced in your
marriage so far?
 So what if you were to build up to one particular night and you’ve hinted to her for a few
days that this one particular night is going to be unbelievably enjoyable for her? How
do you think that it might turn out?
 What if you gave her a massage followed by a warm bath (or ask her to see if she’d
prefer the bath first), which do you think you’d enjoy the most, lotion or oils?
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 There could be several of these exciting nights this week. What would be her preference if
she were planning the amount of focused sexual experiences for her own pleasure?
 Have you brought toys into your marriage? If so, what about if these nights were devoted
especially to a variety of her favorite toys, or perhaps you could introduce a new one or two
for her pleasure. If you bring new toys into her repertoire, be sure they align them with her
preferences.
Certainly men and women have very distinct ideas about what is and what isn’t OK when it comes to
sex, and what their sexual preferences are.
Let me offer a cautionary note about introducing sexual toys into your marriage if this is a
new topic.
1) The more gentle and slower the conversation is, the less likely it is to blow up in your face.
Men tend to be more sexually adventuresome. If your wife is reserved or if her background
was sheltered, this isn’t the time to bring up many forms of exotic toys or lurid new ideas.
Slow and steady is the course that will be most comfortable for her.
2) Sexual toys might be as calm as a body massager that can be eventually used on her
genital or breast areas.
3) If you have some toys already, consider adding some new one that are similar to what
she’s comfortable with but that don’t create discomfort for her.
4) Depending upon your wife’s preferences, think sensual instead of frisky or exotic.
This week’s purpose is to build toward this night or nights, as a wonderful flowing experience for her.
It’s to heighten her sexual pleasure as the focus to your planning.
By the way, sometimes the most fun you’ll have with your wife includes a bit of laughter. If some
position, toy, or lubricant you introduce doesn’t work how the packaging suggests, don’t take it so
seriously that it ruins your overall plans. Many couples have told me about wonderful
experiences that included laughter at some point in the event.
This doesn’t mean it was a bust. It just means they’re humans!
Here are some ways to make your preparations for your intimate sexual interludes:
Begin a day or two ahead of time. Preparation is key to mutual enjoyment. You’ll need to ad
just these suggestions for your certain ideas. (If you want some specific details for a certain
type of rendezvous, shoot me an email at pepupyourmarriage@hotmail.com, and let’s talk
about your specific ideas.)
Let’s say that you want to give her all-over massage for an hour or longer. So what are a few
of the essentials that you’ll need to get beforehand?
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1) Does she like lotions or oils on her body? An indicator might be what she has in her
after-bath basket? Do a little more homework, as your wife may want something different
for her massage
2) What scent does she prefer? Be sure you don’t judge this on what others gave her versus
what she buys for herself. If you aren’t sure, on one of your casual dates, spend some
time on verbal research with your bride. Ask her a few brief questions about her favorite
scents and if she likes oils or lotions on her the best.
3) If you don’t have a portable table suitable for the massage, create one from some
cushions and a couple of blankets and sheets. Remember to set the stage early on so you
can ensure you have all the basics prepared for her pleasure.
4) Ambiance is critical for her ultimate enjoyment.
a. Be certain you set the stage so your wife can fully enjoy the time invested in her
absolute gratification.
b. If she likes candles, have her favorite ones burning safely so that the candles are away
from your movements or won’t catch any object on fire.
c. Perhaps a red or purple scarf draped over a lamp will be sufficient. Be sure the scarf
doesn’t touch the bulb.
d. Some light incense is often enjoyable. Limit the amount, as her smell is more acute
then yours.
If your wife is not relaxed,
she will not enjoy high-quality sex.
Some creativity a few days in advance is advised. Start hinting that there’s a special night
being planned for her ultimate pleasure.
1) Get some general cards or make them on the computer with a personalized logo just for
her eyes. Making them yourself will tie the entire event together and show her how much
preparation went into her satisfaction.
2) As you did in week # 4, make these cards with a numbering system, especially if she re
marked how much fun she had searching for the hidden notes. A slight difference for this
week is that you want her to find each card before the day of the event, or at least some
time during that special day.
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So if you make five or six cards for her, mark them “1 of 5,” “2 of 5,” and so on. Then
begin to give them to her so the intrigue is built up but she has to anticipate when the
next card will surface.
Use these cards to hint at the night describing her sexual pleasure as the ultimate
reward. Use the words “sex” or “sexual” only in the last two cards you share with her.
Perhaps you can make a series of suggestive hints for your cards. Make it very light and
stimulating to her.
If you have children, you need to plan a night and a time during that night when the children
aren’t in any way a distraction.
1) Make your plans so that your children are comfortably provided for.
2) Is there a person who will watch the kids for the evening?
3) Many moms have difficulty completely unwinding if they think their sexual activities
will be interrupted by children.
Is your wife is a stay-at-home mom? You might add a bit of zest to your plans and send her
out for a specific amount of time with one of her friends or to go do a bit of special shopping.
If you send her out shopping, be sure she has enough money in an envelope and a special
flowery card that gives her extra details for the evening.
 You might make some shopping suggestions based upon the night’s festivities. For instance,
if you’re planning that this night end with her being dessert, have her go to the grocery store
and pick up various toppings that you’ll lick off her body when she returns.
You could devote several nights to her sexual pleasure during this week. You might give her a
massage on one night and some special toy activity on another night, and then another night
where you try a number of new sexual positions.
This is one week you’ll want to revisit many times over the course of your marriage.
Sexual spice is an enjoyable method to chase the “blahs” from your marriage. While sex isn’t the
totality for a marriage, your sex life can be a barometer for the rest of your relationship. So monitor
how your open communication or honest exploration for new ideas functions within your marriage.
In an ongoing effort to help couples, here is another resource to encourage the sexual dialogue with
your wife is “37 Questions Spouses ask to each other about sex” & sign up for Jay Dee’s email list
at :
http://sexwithinmarriage.com/37-questions-spouses-ask-sex/
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Week 9 –
Tie the Communication Knot Stronger – Open the Door to
Unbridled Intimate Communication between You Two
Intimacy means you can see right into her soul and she can see into yours. This comes through time
dedicated to exchanging intimate details of your heart with each other. These 10 weeks have been
about showing your wife you cherish her. She’s your bride. It matters little how long you’ve been
married, always refer to her in sweet terms such as your bride or “sweetie” or “honey”. Never refer to
her in negative terms.
Many couples believe they have a good connection which could use some additional assistance.
So, this week we want to work on invigorating that verbal connection through open communication.
Of all the people in the world, she must know that you have her back. You’d gladly die for her to
prove that you enjoy living for her.
Let me give a brief illustration. If someone were to tell me “Do you know what your wife said about
you?” I’d always reply, “Something great I’ll bet! Right?” because she’s never said a negative word
about me to any other person. The same is true for me about her. I’ve always built her up to others.
She really is a great person, who people find enjoyable to be around. I certainly married up! I’m so
glad God opened the door for us to become husband and wife.
You need to tell everyone you meet how special your bride is. By now you should have a huge list of
endearing qualities about her to share with the world.
Let’s put that growing list you have developed about your
wife to good use this week making the matrimonial “knot”
even tighter.
With honest, open communication
between two people,
every problem can be solved.
Unresolved issues creep into a relationship because one or both parties are harboring some
resentment or hidden guilt. This week is designed to build upon the last eight weeks and enhance
your close communication skills.
If any topics are off limits, this week will begin to open up those subjects for discussion. Is pain
deeply ingrained due to a wrong suffered in either of your hearts? We can ease that strife with some
emotional-salve, assignments. It may be difficult to bring sensitive subjects to the surface. However,
hiding them away from the closest person on this earth is hurting your relationship.
When you open a wound to medicate the sore, it hurts. But left to fester, this wound won’t heal itself.
By the way, the issue either one of you is hiding from the other might be something inflicted by
another person that is too horrific to share due to shame or grief.
We’ve coached couples where one of them had suffered a shameful treatment as a child by their
parents and had never felt safe enough to tell their spouse. In our safe environment, they confided to
us and their spouse, which was very moving and began a complete healing process . Keeping this
trauma secret might have always caused internal pain. When the spouse found out about the
situation, they were able to cherish their best friend and show that healing was possible and would
continue until resolved as much as possible.
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So here are your assignments for this week. The first one is the most difficult to do, as it scrapes
off a scab and opens a wound that might be just under the surface.
Go to your wife and assure her that, if there is any issue she has that she needs to share
with you, she can do so openly. Assure her that you won’t overreact to her or get mad. She
needs to be assured that you actually want to hear any issue she has with you or your
behavior. Let her know ahead of time that you want to learn more about her and you want to
show her in a specific manner how much you cherish her as your wife.
This will go a long way to developing a closer intimacy between you two. Be sure you set the
stage here, and don’t try to get her to share with you when the kids are wanting to eat or
need changed! This needs to be done at a time when your wife is at peace and the daily
work is done.
Perhaps there’s a spot outside where you two can be alone and talk. Arrange for a sitter if
needed and make the necessary arrangements, like taking a blanket to sit on.
As to specific words, saying something like this might be appropriate, but you should put it in
your own words:
“I want you to know that I love you completely. I cherish our relationship as husband and
wife. I’ve been really working on our marriage for these past two and a half months, and I
want to take it up a notch. So let me tell you something and then ask you a very important
question to show how much I love you. I hope you know that you can tell me anything and I’ll
always keep it confidential. No one need ever know.
“So here’s the question I want to ask, and by the way, I won’t overreact or get mad at all at
your answer. Is there any part of your life that you’d like to pour your heart out about and let
me share that you’ve never felt safe enough to before?”
Once you get it all out, be quiet and let the questions ferment in her for a while. Keep in mind
that, even when she shares with you, she isn’t wanting you to fix her problem.
You’ll become the wisest husband on the
planet, at least to your wife, if you listen
closely to her words and to her emotions.
She may have to think about this, so let her have her space. Keep your promise to not overreact
or try to defend your position. Even if she has nothing really devastating to tell you, this may be
one of the highpoints of your marriage.
So this could be much less traumatic to your wife, but it could develop a close bond between
you two. Set aside some specific time with no distraction (you’ll have to determine how to
solve those personal situations in your home with kids, jobs, etc.), and sit down with your
wife to listen to how her day went. If she likes tea or cocoa, fix her a cup and invite her to join
you in a comfortable place to ask her some questions and listen to her.
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The “listen and don’t fix rule” is always in play between you and your wife. Here's what is
meant by "listen, don't fix". If she brings up a problem, gently stop her and ask, “Do you
want me to just listen, or are you asking for help to resolve this one?”
This may sound strange to a man’s way of thinking, but if you study women, you’ll find that
they seem to need to vent about problems, and they don’t form a to-do list for attacking the
problems presented.
Your wife needs to share with you all the details of the day and have you really just sit and
listen. She wants to talk about many seemingly unrelated details, so let her proceed. If she
wants to tell about all the wrongs she suffered that day, welcome her voice to be open to
you.
Your conversational needs aren’t her needs and this is one way to encourage her as your
wife. It won’t happen every day, but when it does, take note of how her demeanor is a bit
brighter and how she’s more responsive to any advances you might have later that night.
This is not a scheming ploy, to get her to have sex with you. That isn’t what I’m proposing.
However, when you truly serve her needs, she’ll be more willing to serve yours in return. I
know that sounds like double-talk, but to a woman it makes perfect sense.
Lavish her with plenty of non-sexual touching. WHAT IS THAT? If this is the first time
you’ve heard this concept, it’s mind blowing.
So your assignment is to ask your wife what the phrase “non-sexual touching” means to her.
She’ll mention such things as: kissing, hugging, holding hands, you listening to her (yes
that makes the list from wives we’ve spoken to), along with rubbing her sore shoulder
muscles or her feet.
So after you ask your wife what she means by non-sexual touching, then it’s your privilege to
provide her with a lot of this type of attention every day.
 You do like touching your wife, right?
You see, most women need to be touched in a way they perceive isn’t pushing them to the
bedroom. The overriding reason is for her to become more relaxed. Interestingly, the more
relaxed your wife is, the more ready she’ll be to receive you, her husband, sexually. If this is the
first time you’ve encountered this phenomenon, you may be a bit baffled or perplexed, to say
the least.
It’s the reason why your wife might negatively react if she’s doing the dishes or cooking or
tending the children (sorry about the stereotypes ladies!) and you come up behind her and
grope her a bit. It’s not that her body is off limits to you, it’s just that she’s so far removed from
anything resembling sex at this time.
 Remember that this 10-week program is about you learning to better serve your wife.
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Week 10
Where Are You in Your Marriage Relationship? How Far Do You Want
to Take Your Marriage in the Next 10 Weeks or 10 Years?
By now you should be able to see what new concepts you’ve learned and which of the assignments
really helped your relationship. If you missed any or didn’t actually complete them, then by all means
go back and apply those weekly actions to your marriage.
You’ll find some bonuses listed for you at the end of this e-book. I hope you’re also signed up for our
newsletter at http://www.JerryStumpf.com/blog. If you haven’t taken advantage of this free gift,
please do so today, and put your name and email address in the designated form. You’ll receive
weekly tips, similar to the ideas within this book, to encourage your marriage.
While you’re there, check out our other products, such as the personal coaching for either you alone
or you and your wife. If you’d like your wife to join in a bit more and would like our help, sign up for
our free 30-minute coaching session.
OK, so the infomercial aside, let me give you a few more assignments. Be sure to enjoy the bonuses
we have for you listed below.
Determine what has really worked to draw you two closer during these 12 weeks:
Was it more intense or intimate communication?
Was it from renewed dating experiences?
Did you enjoy some more frisky sex? Have you had more sex more often? If so, what do you
think the reasons for that might be?
How has it helped you to focus on her needs and wants?
Is there any specific help you desire from me to draw you two closer together? Being drawn
closer emotionally and physically will lead to more intimacy, which will help develop a more
active sex life. That’s the way you see it.
When you speak to your wife about the past few months, she’ll observe that you have
become more open and that your relationship is closer and extra secure.
So where are you now after working on your marriage in a dedicated fashion for these 10 weeks?
List a few ideas while they’re fresh on your mind.
Please send me an email to Pepupyourmarriage@hotmail.com to tell me how this process has
enriched your marriage. We all enjoy a good heartwarming love story.
How will you enrich your marriage going forward? Your marital relationship has reached a new
plateau, so take it up even another notch and create a more wonderful relationship.
Go back through some of the exercises in this workbook, and craft a formula for your marriage.
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If this workbook has blessed you, share how you got your copy with some other couples so they
can have some fun as well. Tell five or six others about how their marriage can become a bit
better in the next 10 weeks.
If you have questions that I didn’t handle for you personally, shoot me an email, and ask away.
I’m here to help you design the best marriage you two can imagine.
Just so you get great value from this purchase, here are a few extra bonuses
which are yours free with this course:
To be sure you receive your bonuses send me an email at this special email address
JerrySt1968@gmail and place "Husband to Hero Bonuses" in the subject line.
These will come to your inbox in PDF or MP3 format
Bonus # 1 – Date nights for creating deeper intimacy. Intimacy doesn’t always equal sex.
Take note that your wife sees intimacy as the emotional connectedness between your hearts
and not your genitals. A wife normally defines intimacy with “emotional or conversational bonding.” Your wife often thinks of intimacy as an emotion and not as a sexual formula.
For you as a husband, intimacy normally equals sexual union. It’s difficult for a man to think in
terms of intimacy without a physical connectedness. For women, intimacy allows her to enter into
a physical union fully prepared to accept her man. Remember your wife sees intimacy as a
bonding experience.
Bonus # 2 – Artful Communication Starters 1) A simple Sex Survey to fill out and have fun discussing with your bride.
2) A few more - Anger Tamers - techniques.
3) Some Self-Esteem Boosters to assist your bride in feeling better about herself.
Bonus # 3 – Audio downloads –
1) Discussion on how Jerry and Elaine can help develop your marriage?
2) Some issues we’ve encountered during our marriage seminars and how these couples
overcame their problems.
3) Some memorable dates we’ve used to enrich our marriage
Bonus # 4 – Made for you Flyers
1) I have several one page “flyers” that I post or our refrigerator for my wife from time to time
to share a special thought for her.
2) These will show you a few ideas & you can copy them or just use some parts of them for
yourself - (It’s our little secret!)
If you haven’t signed up for our newsletter at http://www.JerryStumpf.com/blog
please do so right now.
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Remember the Best Is Yet To Come so
Always Expect the Best for Your Marriage!
Thank you for working through this course. You have a feel for my work so what can I
generate for your marriage to help you take it up a few notches?
Drop me an email at Pepupyourmarriage@hotmail.com and share a little bit about yourself
and how I can bless your marriage even more.
Even if you have a complaint about this course, your marriage or life - shoot me an email and
let’s chat.
Perhaps you have some suggestions for the next e-book or a home study e-course? Let me
know!
Until the next time we meet --
Always Expect The Best For Your Marriage!
As The Best Is Yet To Be!!!
Your friend and coach -- Jerry Stumpf
Husband to Hero
in
10 Easy Steps
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