REVISION EXERCISES FOR ROUGH DRAFT DAY—ENGLISH 104—MARCH 26, 2013
After you’ve uploaded your draft, take out a copy to revise. Digital is fine, if that’s what you’re
more comfortable with, but I always find these exercises easier & more helpful when done on a
printed manuscript.
Once you’ve completed, at minimum, Revision Exercises 1 & 2, incorporate your revisions into
your draft and save that draft for Peer Review. Please bring one printed copy and your peer
review worksheet with you to class.
REVISION EXERCISE 1
First, as promised, I’d like each of you to look at your use of research material in your pages.
1. Pick any page from your essay that includes a good bit of material from your sources. It’s
probably helpful if it’s near the beginning, but perhaps not the first page, since your
introduction might not have much source material in it.
2. Highlight or underline each instance on the page where source material appears.
3. For each use of source material, make the following notes:
a. Is this a quote, paraphrase, or summary?
b. Why did you choose the method from (a) that you chose?
c. How would the sentence and/or paragraph be different if you chose another
option? Could it be better?
4. Revise based on what you learned in your notes in #3.
5. Now, for each use of source material, as yourself the following:
a. Would a reader who is not an expert in this research field understand where this
material came from and why I’m using it? If not, you need to introduce the
material more effectively. Revisit the chapter we read last week in Ball Point for
tips to improve.
b. Would a reader who is not immediately familiar with your argument know how
this material contributes to that argument? If not, revise to explain.
c. Would a reader who is not an expert on the subject understand how this
information fits in with other research related to it? And is this an appropriate
point in your essay to discuss the research as a whole? If no/yes, respectively,
revise to further contextualize the research material.
6. Check your MLA:
a. Are you introducing new material from a source here? (Probably so—remember,
you cite every time you introduce new material from a source, not just the first
time you introduce the source as a whole.)
b. If yes, does every sentence where you introduce new material contain an accurate
in-text citation? Check your accuracy here:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/02/
7. Choose one revised paragraph from the page you’ve just worked on to share with the
group. Copy and paste that paragraph into the discussion thread for your class, along
with a sentence or two about what you revised and why.
Later, complete this exercise for the remaining pages of your essay.
REVISION EXERCISE 2
Many of you spoke to me about being concerned that your writing is often repetitive. If you did,
I told you that, usually, when my student feel they’re being repetitive, they’re often striving to say
something new upon repetition, but haven’t fully formed the thought or language to express it.
1. Back to your draft. Underline/highlight/whatever any instance where your essay feels
repetitive. This could be because you’ve chosen language that is being overused in the
essay, or it could be because you’ve introduced a concept a second time (or third, etc.) in
the essay, apart from its original appearance.
2. For each instance you’ve marked as repetitive, free-write for 3-5 minutes about the
concept you’re discussing or, try to use a variety of terms—perhaps terms you learned
during your research—in your free-writing.
3. For each instance of repetitive writing about which you’ve free-written, identify what’s
new in your free-writing that’s not included in your essay. Have you explained the
difference in the concept as its introduced a second time? Have you used fresher language
to express the idea at hand? What did you discover in your free-writing?
4. Revise repetitive passages according to what you learned in #3, or:
5. Move the passage that seems repetitive so that it’s located near its first mention in the
essay. (In this case, you’re actually working on the structure and organization of the essay,
not so much on the repetitiveness, but sometimes that’s the cause of this problem.) Revise
the passages you’ve now combined into one organized idea.
6. Copy and paste one revised paragraph into your class’ discussion thread, along with a
sentence or two explaining your revision.
OPTIONAL EXERCISES
Focus Workshop—if your essay feels unfocused, use this exercise to revise.
1. Number the paragraphs in the essay.
2. On a separate page, for each paragraph, describe the function of the paragraph in the
following ways:
a. What does the paragraph contribute to the essay’s argument?
b. What new evidence does the paragraph provide to support the essay’s argument?
c. Does the paragraph appeal to the reader’s need for logic? How?
d. Does it appeal to the reader’s need for the narrator to be credible? How?
e. Does it appeal to the reader’s need to empathize with the argument? How?
3. If you cannot answer questions a and b, describe the paragraph’s function and its
contribution to the essay. Decide whether to revise it so that it’s easy to answer questions
a and b or to remove the paragraph.
4. If you cannot answer either c, d, or e, revise the paragraph so that it works to employ one
of the three major rhetorical appeals.
5. Revise each paragraph according to your assessment.
6. Revise transitions so that your new revisions flow smoothly.
Thesis Workshop—if you feel your thesis statement isn’t strong enough, here’s an exercise
adapted from the 103 textbook Envision to improve it.
1. Find the essay’s thesis statement. If you cannot find it, read the whole essay, and craft
one.
2. Find a way to make the thesis statement’s claim more specific. Who does this apply to?
When? Where? Look for generalizations, and eliminate them.
3. Revise accordingly.
4. Have you introduced specific evidence in support of your claim in your thesis statement?
5. Revise to introduce specific evidence.
6. What are the claim’s implications? Who is affected? How?
7. Revise the thesis statement to include implications. This is the heart of your argument’s
significance.
Development Workshop—if your ideas don’t feel fully developed and/or you’re struggling to fill
the page requirement despite presenting a complex argument, this exercise may help.
1. Number your paragraphs.
2. For each paragraph, write down every related thing you can think of that it does not
explore.
3. After completing #2 for all paragraphs, determine whether any of your related ideas are
explored in other paragraphs of the essay. Mark out those ideas.
4. Revise each paragraph to incorporate new ideas.
5. Go back to the beginning. For each paragraph, determine whether all the ideas included
are explained to the fullest extent. Consider the following:
a. Are all terms defined for the reader?
b. Have all processes been explained in detail to the reader?
c. Has the logical appeal of each idea been explained fully to the readers
6. Revise each paragraph accordingly.
7. Consider the essay as a whole. Make a list of any and all related ideas that need to be
explored in the essay. Do whatever BSU Library Database research you can about those
related ideas. Mark places in the essay where you think the new information should be
incorporated.
Language Revision Workshop—if you feel the major components of your essay are in place,
but you’d like to polish your language choices, use the steps below to do so. This one is
generally best completed on a clean, printed draft.
1. Underline all the essay’s verbs. Make them better by choosing more specific, active verbs.
2. Circle all the essay’s nouns. Revise them by finding more specific, detailed nouns. Be sure
to define or describe all nouns that the readers may not understand.
3. Draw a box around every adjective or adverb. Look at the noun, verb, or adjective the
modifier is modifying. Consider whether a stronger noun or verb could eliminate the
need for the modifier. Is the modifier necessary, or redundant? Revise accordingly